Original subtitles

[arguing]

One at a time.

Don't all talk At one time.

[honk]

Thank you.

Now, we have A week's vacation.

One at a time, Where should we go?

Let's go to new york And take in some theater.

I want to go Lie on the beach.

You know, catch some rays, Catch some zs,

Catch a man Around his knees.

Ha ha!

Let's go To disney world.

We should pay Our respects to elvis.

Let's boogie on down To graceland.

Go ahead.

Let's be realistic. We only have a week.

I'm not spending Half of it in a car,

Picking cheetos Off my lap.

Well, where do You want to go?

Lake geneva.

Like in switzerland?

No, like in wisconsin.

We can rent A nice cabin,

Do some fishing, Some relaxing.

Hey, it's perfect.

You mean It's cheaper.

Well, that, too.

So lake geneva It is, right?

[arguing]

[honk]

Thank you.

Now, people,

Arguing is not the way To settle things

In this family, right?

Right. Right.

So we'll listen, Be considerate,

And agree on a place

That makes Everybody happy, right?

Right. Right.

So lake geneva it is.

[arguing]

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness.*

* when days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts an Opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

You're inviting Harvey garvey?

Why not?

Well, for one thing, He only has four teeth.

Yeah, but he Doesn't eat much.

Hi, ladies.

How goes The party planning?

Great. Great.

Having it On your roof?

Yeah.

How did you talk Your parents into it?

They got new carpet.

They begged me To have it up there.

Maxine, Sweetheart,

I'm glad I'm Catering your party,

But without more money, I'll Have to use generic chips

And water down The punch.

No problem.

Great.

I'll just take the profit From this job

And buy a stamp.

[stereo playing loud music]

Hey, you're late. What took you so long?

I couldn't find anything To wear. I look hideous.

You look fabulous. I look hideous.

No, you look fabulous.

I love your hair.

I love your hair. Mine's hideous.

Fellas, What's up, man?

What's up, man?

You invited Willie and waldo?

No. They crashed.

Isn't that exciting?

People are actually Crashing my party.

Max, get a grip.

* go ahead *

* go ahead *

* go ahead *

* I'm gone *

* I'm gone *

* I'm gone *

Ooh, lord. There's Harvey garvey.

Hi, laura.

[laughing]

Hi, guys. What's so funny?

Uh, nothing.

Nothing.

Does anybody Want to dance?

Hey, hey, hey. Maybe later.

We're doing Something.

Right, guys?

What are we doing, Willie?

We're trying to decide What we want to drink.

You don't like punch?

Sure,

Especially when It's spiked.

Here. Have some rum.

No! Waldo, where'd You get those?

My dad's a stewardess.

Drinking Is for losers.

Oh, really?

Hey, waldo, say hello To st. Laura.

That's laura winslow.

Hey, a party!

Take your bottles and your Behind out of here.

Hey, if I leave,

I take the booze And the boys with me.

Yeah.

Right, guys?

Yeah. Yeah.

Laura, if you don't Want to drink, fine,

But shut up about it.

You'll ruin my party.

Fine...

But I don't need to drink To have a good time!

Laura, relax. So some guys drank.

Big deal.

Well...

Maybe you're right.

Nothing terrible Has happened.

Everybody party!

You spoke too soon.

Greetings, hostesses With the mostesses.

Wow. You have got some Real a-list people here.

Hey, harve!

We got to Liven this place up.

Nobody's dancing.

Have no fear. The urk man's here.

I'll have the neighbors Complaining in no time.

Howdy, duders.

Yo, look. It's Steve the dweeb.

Not bad, fuffner.

I'll bet You were up all night

Putting that sentence Together.

You must be exhausted.

Why don't you sit down? But not too hard.

You don't want To crush your brain.

Watch it, urkel. The last guy Who talked to me like that

Was harvey garvey.

Oh, you two guys put The "Ick" in pathetic.

Come on, guys. There's a bevy of beauties

Waiting to be swept off Their dr. Scholl's.

What do you say, Funsters?

Let's dance.

Well, okay, I'll break the ice.

Harve, Crank up the music.

It's time To do the urkel.

[music plays louder]

* now if you wanna do The steve urkel dance *

* all you have to do is Hitch up your pants *

* bend your knees and Stick out your pelvis *

* I'm tellin' you, baby, It's better than elvis *

* do it *

* do it *

* everybody *

* do the urkel *

* now point your fingers Up to the sky *

* and talk through your Nose way up high *

* spin and dip and Jump and cavort and *

* finish it off With a laugh and snort *

* heh heh heh [snort] * * heh heh heh [snort] *

* heh heh heh heh Heh heh ho ho *

What you going To do, willie?

I'm going to get urkel.

Why you going To do that, willie?

Because He humiliated me.

But you humiliate me Every day.

That's different.

You're my friend.

Oh, yeah.

* do the urkel *

* do the ur-ur-ur-ur-urkel *

* do the urkel *

* do the ur-ur-ur-ur-urkel *

* do it *

* do it *

* everybody *

* do the urkel dance *

Steve, steve, Steve, steve.

I've decided that you're Just too smart for me.

I've learned I shouldn't Mess with the urk man.

Well, this is A pleasant turn of events.

To be quite honest,

I'd written you off As incorrigible.

What did he say?

He called you A gerbil.

Come on, buddy.

How about we make a toast To our new friendship?

Boy, I'm truly moved By this gesture.

Word.

Mmm.

Whoa!

What is this, mango?

Cheers!

Skoal!

Heh heh heh!

Quick, blame it on The wine witch.

Heh heh heh heh!

Hey, look a plane.

The plane, boss the plane.

Steve.

Laura.

Oh, you're a sore For sight eyes.

Are you alright?

Swell!

Punch!

I want more punch!

Anyone have Any more punch?

Steve, calm down.

Ha ha ha ha.

Why should I, Laura?

I'm the pife Of the larty!

Ha ha ha!

Ooh the durkel!

Waldo, What's with steve?

He's acting Weirder than usual.

Willie said Not to tell.

Tell what?

That he spiked Urkel's punch.

What?

I said he--

Hey, you Can't trick me.

Come on, everybody, Let's ooh the durkel.

Ooh!

[humming]

Aah! Whoo!

Hey!

Steve!

Steve! Get down From there!

Hey, you got to get up

Before you Can get dow-ow--

Aah! Aah!

Help! Help!

Steve, are you okay?

I've fallen, And I can't get up!

Help!

Help!

I've got to get to him. Somebody call 911!

Help!

Help!

I'm slipping!

Steve, I'm here.

Rachel, hurry!

I can't hold on Much longer!

Rachel, What are you doing?

Tightrope walking.

Do you know How to do that?

No.

Aah! Aah!

It's okay, steve, I'm here.

I know! You're standing On my fingers!

Sorry.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Ohh. Ohh.

Okay, where's The booze?

What are you Talking about?

Probably the booze In my coat.

Is steve okay?

Yeah. Rachel's Taking him home.

See, officer? Everything's fine.

We were just Having a little fun.

Fun? Steve could Have been killed.

But he wasn't. So chill out, okay?

You just don't get it.

You think it's cool Coming to a party

With a minibar In your coat?

You think it's funny To spike somebody's punch

And watch them Act like a fool?

Well, it's not cool.

It's not funny. It's dangerous.

It's also Against the law.

Where we going, Willie?

Jail, I guess.

Juvenile hall until your parents Pick you up.

We get A phone call?

One call.

Can it be a 976 number?

It's confirmed--

Six days and five nights At lake geneva.

Carl will be happy.

I can't wait to tell him The good news.

Hi, sweetie. Hi, ma.

Hi, honey.

Oh, carl,

We've decided where To go on our vacation.

Oh, you have, have you?

I come home from a hard day Of fighting crime,

And do I hear, "Hi, carl.

Could I get you Some trail mix?"

No, I do not.

Well, I guess my vote doesn't Count around here,

But may I Remind you two

That I bring home Darn close to 50%

Of this family's Bacon?

And you eat Darn close to 90%.

Well, thank you for those kind Words, mother.

But I'm merely Trying to point out

That whenever vacation time Rolls around...

My desires,

My wishes,

Are never Even considered.

Carl-- And why?

Because I don't matter, Do I, harriette?

I don't matter. Once, just once,

Can we go where I'd like to go?

All I'm asking for is One measly, little week

At one measly, Little lake.

But that's Too much.

Carl! What?

Cork it!

We already made A reservation.

You already made A reservation.

Typical.

Well, let's see What hellhole

You're dragging Me to this time.

Lake geneva?

Yes.

We all decided That it would be nice

If for once we went Where you wanted to go.

Well...

Gee, thanks, guys.

That's swell.

Especially since you've always Been so gracious

About not getting Your own way.

Well, that's just The kind of guy I am.

I think I'l go to the kitchen And make us all some trail mix.

My whole body hurts.

Even my eyelashes hurt.

And I think my tongue Need a shave.

Oh, buck up steve.

I am fixing you A sure-fire hangover remedy.

This will either kill you, Or kill you.

Either way, I'll be better off.

[blender roars]

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh!

Sorry.

Ohh.

Steve, You have my sympathy.

I know how you feel.

Really? Tell me About it, carl.

Well--

Quietly.

The night I graduated from The police academy,

Me and my buddies Decided to tie one on.

Well, most of The night is a blur,

But dawn found me

Riding a cow down The dan ryan expressway.

Heh heh--ow! Heh heh--ow!

[snort]

Ohh.

Never snort With a hangover.

I just blew my adenoids Out the back of my head.

As god Is my witness,

Liquor will never touch These lips again.

Well, good for you, Steve.

Here, chug this down.

Well, I don't know, Carl.

It smells rancid.

Well, that means It's ready.

Go ahead. Down the hatch.

That's it.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

Alright.

Now, what's The verdict?

Hey, not bad.

Rather tasty.

I think It did the trick.

Uh-oh.

Steve, What's wrong?

I think it just Did another trick.

I better visit The facilities quickly.

Sorry, laura, No time to talk!

It's time To do the urkel.

* if you wanna do The steve urkel dance *

* all you have to do Is hitch up your pants *

* bend your knees and Stick out your pelvis *

* I'm telling you, baby, It's better than elvis *

* do it *

* do it *

* everybody *

* do the urkel Dance *

* point your fingers Up to the sky *

* and talk through Your nose way up high *

* spin and dip and Jump and cavort and *

* finish it off With a laugh and snort *

* heh heh heh [snort] * * heh heh heh [snort] *

* heh heh heh heh Heh heh heh ho *

* do it *

* do it *

* everybody do the urkel dance*

* do the urkel *

* do the ur-ur-ur-ur-urkel *

* do the urkel *

* do the ur-ur-ur-ur-urkel *

* do it *

* do it *

* everybody do the urkel dance*