Original subtitles

So the very merry canary

Found his feathers And was never cold again.

Once upon a time--

Ah, richie. Honey, we've read This story eleven times tonight.

Let's go for a even dozen.

No. It's bedtime, now say Goodnight to uncle carl.

Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Goodnight, uncle carl.

Red five on the black six.

Red five on the black six

Hi, big guy. What you doing.

Playing solitaire. That's In by myself, solo so long.

Oh, comprende, amigo.

You're on ur own, you Won't even notice me.

You can call me "The invisible man".

In fact, you can't call me At all because I'm not here.

Oh, red ten on the black jack.

I wish, I had a black jack.

Hey, how about an action Packed game of cribbage.

I'll spot your 100 points. No.

Canasta. No.

Pinnacle. No.

Hearts. No.

Old make crazy eight goldfish.

Go home.

Gin rummy.

Okay, one hand.

But when I win you go home.

Deal. Get it deal.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our House with happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

It was just A little practical joke.

Well, it Wasn't funny.

How would You like it

If I put jheri curl In your deodorant?

Look on the bright side, eddy.

Now you're odor-free, And your armpits have bounce.

Stay on your toes, Laura,

Because I'm Gunning for you.

I'll buy boots So I can shake in them.

Ooh, laura in boots.

He's all yours.

Well, he's All yours, eddie.

Face it, you're stuck.

Educate me, eddo.

Why can't I win Laura's heart?

She's playing Hard to get.

She's awfully good at it.

She makes it Seem so real.

Steve...

Heh heh heh.

Laura's my sister,

And I only want What's best for her.

And I'm going to Do everything in my power

To get you two Crazy kids together.

Picture this.

I'm picturing.

Night.

Night.

Laura.

Laura.

Asleep in bed.

Ooh.

Laura's awakened By the sweet sounds

Of an urkel serenade.

Ooh, she'll be Putty in my hands.

She'll never Forget it.

How can I ever Thank you?

Believe me, steve.

The expression On laura's face

Is all the thanks I need.

Ohh.

* feelings *

* nothing more Than feelings *

* trying to forget my *

* feelings of love *

* teardrops *

Steve!

* falling down On my face *

Get out Of my tree!

* trying to forget my *

Shh!

* feelings of love *

* feelings *

* whoa, feelings *

Steve.

* whoa-- *

Oh! Oh! Aah!

Aah!

Steve, are you okay?

Yeah. The coopers' Doberman broke my fall.

[grrr]

Ooh, back, Damian, back!

[knock on door]

Laura, what is Going on in here?

Steve was practicing His accordion.

He woke me up, too.

That boy is Loony-tunes.

If he does it again,

I'll grab his bellows And make a wish.

So, laura,

Did you enjoy Your serenade?

You set me up.

Yeah.

* laura is the face In the misty light *

* footsteps that you hear *

* down the hall *

* the laugh That floats... *

Hey, guys, Is it just me,

Or does anybody else

Have this indescribable Feeling of happiness?

Indescribable. Mmm.

Could it be The sheer euphoria

Of knowing steve urkel Is hundreds of miles away?

Hundreds Of miles away.

783.6 miles To be exact.

Where is he? He was Taking me slug hunting.

Ohh. Oh, honey, see,

Steve played his Accordion real late at night.

Some of the Neighbors got cranky

And threw bricks At his house.

So his parents decided He should visit relatives

For a while.

They dumped him?

You got it.

But isn't it nice knowing

That for the next Two weeks

When that door opens,

Steve urkel will not be On the other side?

Hello, y'all.

I'm steve's cousin Myrtle urkel.

Cousin steve told me about The wonderful winslows,

How you've made this A home away from home.

Now, for little ol' me coming All the way from biloxi,

This'll be my home away From home away from home.

[giggles]

[snorts]

Cat got Your tongues?

I know It's got mine.

Nice to meet you, Myrtle.

There seems to be a slight Family resemblance

Between you and steve.

Really?

I never noticed.

You going to finish That pork chop, big fella?

So, myrtle, how long Are you going to be around?

Oh, just two weeks.

My parents would Only take steve

If steve's parents Promised to take me.

Sort of an urkel Exchange program?

Exactly, honey.

Sorry I'm late.

Ooh, holy chitlins.

Uh...

Eddie, this is Steve urkel's cousin,

Myrtle urkel.

Myrtle, this Is our son edward.

Well, hello there.

Ooh, eddie,

That name rolls off My tongue like honey.

Huh?

Ooh, you are as articulate As you are handsome.

I'm ever so pleased To meet you.

Ooh, sparks.

Why, my pulse is racing,

My heart is pounding,

And my lips Are on fire.

How do you feel About me, sugar?

Ooh, rachel, that lipstick Is all wrong for you.

It's definitely A glamour don't.

Myrtle, I've been wearing This shade for five years.

Five lonely years, I would imagine.

Well, hello, ladies.

Having fun?

We're happier Than pigs in slop.

Please join us, Carl. Please.

Oh, no, no, no.

I, uh, wouldn't Want to interrupt

All of this...

Female bonding.

No!

That's okay

Oh, no. I'll take In a movie.

You two stay Here with myrtle.

Have fun.

He's the most Charming man.

You should take him Back to biloxi with you.

Now, don't you Be getting jealous.

There's only one winslow man That butters my biscuits.

That divinely Handsome eddie.

When that boy Sees my new hairdo,

Why, he's just going To fall at my feet.

And if that Doesn't work,

I got a few more tricks Up my puffy sleeve.

Uh, myrtle...

You know, You're a sweet girl,

But have you ever Thought that...

Well, maybe Eddie, uh...

Well, maybe you're Not eddie's type?

[giggles]

[snorts]

Fiddle-de-dee.

No boy can resist Myrtle urkel,

The belle of biloxi.

Why, I'm going to Take that boy

Like grant took richmond.

Oh, edward, dumpling, I'm in curlers.

You should have knocked.

I live here.

Harriette, I think myrtle

Would like to be Alone with her...

Dumpling. Yeah, yeah come on.

Mom, I have homework!

I'll do it for you.

Ooh.

Ooh, my, you look Scrumptious.

Ooh.

Why, you big...

Strong...

Handsome...

Yankee.

Why, I declare, just Standing next to you

Makes me feel faint.

Myrtle, are you okay?

I guess, I'm just Too hot to handle.

Myrtle, can I give you A little advice,

You know, Belle to belle?

I'd be honored.

I really like you,

And I think That deep down,

Eddie really Likes you, too.

I knew it. I absolutely knew it.

But he's real shy.

You got to be More aggressive.

Well, what more Can I do?

I've absolutely emptied My ammo clip of seduction.

Well, eddie once told me About this dream he had.

Ooh, spill it To me, sister.

An incredibly Beautiful woman

Steals into his room

In the middle Of the night

And awakens him With a kiss.

I'll do it tonight.

I shall steal into My beloved's room.

I can't wait to see the Expression on that boy's face.

Me neither.

Aah!

Aah!

[dog barks]

Myrtle!

What are you doing?

I'm your dream Come true.

Aah! You're a nightmare!

Now, go home!

Has my southern Sensuosity frightened you?

Stop that!

Hey, hey!

What's going on In here?

Unfortunately not much.

Keep her away. She's crazy.

Crazy about you, You big hunk of hominy.

But to continue Chasing after you

Would be humiliating And unworthy of an urkel.

I, sir, am a lady.

Aah!

A grappling hook?

Oh, shoot. I broke a nail.

Did you enjoy Your kiss, dumpling?

You set me up.

Little ol' me? Why, Whatever do you mean?

Hold it, you two.

Laura, did you encourage Myrtle to come up here?

Well, yes.

Only To get even.

Eddie told steve To serenade me.

I don't care, What edward did.

Your behavior is inexcusable

Yeah.

You started All of this?

Yeah.

It's bad enough that you're Being mean to each other,

But you're bringing Steve and myrtle into this.

That's right, you used Them and hurt their feelings.

Tomorrow when Steve gets back,

I want you to apologize to Him and myrtle. Understood?

Yes, mom. Yes, mom.

I'm ashamed Of you two.

That hurts.

Yep.

But at least We're not grounded.

By the way, You two are grounded.

I'm really sorry, Myrtle.

I never meant To hurt your feelings.

I see.

And, steve. I'm sorry, too.

Mm-hmm.

So you think you guys Can forgive us?

Cousin steve and I

Need to chew on that One for a spell.

It's your way, we'll Be in the living room.

Well, what Do you think?

Well, what Do you think?

It's obvious that eddie And laura used us.

And abused us.

You know what That means, don't you?

I most certainly do.

They love us! They love us!

Eddie, do you realize there Are two urkels in the kitchen?

Yeah.

But at least mine's Going home soon.

Laura.

Eddie.

We talked it over...

And we decided that...

We forgive you! We forgive you!

And there's more good news. Tell them, myrtle.

I'm trying to Talk big daddy

Into selling Urkel oaks

So we can Move up here.

Then we'll all Be together...

Forever! Forever!