Original subtitles

Carl, pick up the pace.

Judy wants our house To be the scariest In chicago.

If judy wants To scare people,

All she has to do Is show them her room.

I don't want To traumatize kids.

I sure wish I could Be here tonight with you guys

Instead of on duty.

Me, too. Get that.

I hate working On halloween.

I mean, my patrol car's Nothing but a bull's-eye

For half-crazed, Egg-wielding Juvenile delinquents.

Eddie, we need More eggs.

Edward.

Hi, dad.

Mother dear.

Just why do You two need eggs?

Oh, uh, I was just Alerting your son

To an impending Shortage of...

Farm foods.

Right.

Look, frankenstein, And you, too, uh...

Don king.

He's my idol.

Well, anyway, I don't want you Throwing eggs at anybody,

Spraying cars With shaving cream,

Or toilet-papering Any houses, got it?

Got it. Got it.

Freeze.

Spread 'em.

One egg.

Two eggs.

Shaving cream.

Next.

Soap.

And toilet paper.

They came With the outfit.

Oh, sure.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Gee, rodney, Looks like

You have A little egg On your face.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must Be some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

All those people...

Oh, look, Here's my date.

Harriette, I'm sorry We took so long.

But the costume store Was mobbed.

Well, did we get Good outfits?

Good outfits? Great outfits.

I'm going To be rapunzel.

I'll be Tina turner.

I'm going To be bette davis

In whatever happened To baby jane?

Who am I Going to be?

I better go up And check on richie.

Rachel, rachel, rachel.

Who am I Going to be?

The hunchback Of notre dame.

Harriette, You're a popular size.

It was either The hunchback

Or leather face.

Call me crazy,

But I thought You'd jump for the hump.

Come on, I'll show you How to do it.

Rachel, wait, wait...

Hey, dad. Good decorating.

The house Is looking scary.

Yeah, but Not scary enough.

We need something else,

Something To make the place Really frightening.

Hi, guys.

Perfect. Perfect.

Happy halloween, Guys and ghouls.

Peanut brittle, Carl?

Oh. Gee, thanks, steve.

Oh!

Gotcha, big guy.

That's not funny, Steve.

It made me laugh.

[urkel] Laura.

[laura] What?

Slow down!

No way. I don't want To be seen with you

In that silly outfit.

Everything okay, Lois?

For the last time, I'm not lois lane.

I'm tina turner.

Try and Remember that, steve.

Aw, come on. Call me superman. No.

Su? No.

Man of steel? Stop it! Stop it!

What's the matter,

My little Top-40 goddess?

Look, I just want To cash my paycheck,

Buy some halloween candy For the trick-or-treaters,

And get home as soon As possible. Understand?

No sweat, my pet.

After all, I'm faster Than a speeding bullet.

Watch.

Oops.

Oops.

Gotcha!

How you doing, Marcy?

Not so good.

I couldn't Find my sign.

Well, what can I do for you, steve?

* ohh *

* it's paycheck Cashing time again *

* moolah, moolah *

* gonna put some bucks In my account *

* and watch The moolah grow *

* watch The moolah grow *

* watch The moolah grow *

* gonna Put some bucks-- *

Steve!

Huh?

Thank you.

For what?

For making me Feel better

For not Having children.

If I had a buck For every time I heard that,

I'd own this bank.

Now, you wanna deposit this In your savings account?

Not all of it.

$9.00 in My savings account,

$11 in My interest-bearing Checking account,

$7.00 in my ira,

And $4.00 in My christmas club.

You still Have $1.00 left.

I know. Where do you think I Should put it?

Cash will do her.

Happy halloween, marce.

It will be In a minute.

All set, my pet?

Hey, look.

It's our nation's 16th president,

Good old honest abe.

Nobody move! This is a stickup.

Do what I say,

And nobody Gets hurt.

You, super-nerd, Come here.

Uh, actually, We were leaving, so--

Now!

I'm on my way.

Hit the floor.

Not you.

Sorry. I'm A little nervous.

I've never been involved In a robbery before,

Except the time Dad got our water bill.

He said, "This is highway robbery."

Shut up!

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll do anything.

Just don't hurt My girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

Alright, You people,

Come out of there Nice and easy.

Lie down next To aretha franklin.

Tina turner.

You, go back there And fill this bag.

With money?

Hurry up.

Okay.

I said hurry up!

Uh, abe, I'm having A little problem here.

I should've Sent diana ross.

Tina turner.

Aah!

Thank you.

Put the money In the bag.

10,

11,

12--

I'll count it later.

[sirens]

Hurry up. The cops Are coming.

Would you like Some penny wrappers?

Aah!

Give me the bag.

I got to get out Of here.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

[tires screech]

He's gone, laura. Are you okay?

I think so.

You, Abraham lincoln,

Freeze!

Don't worry, Sweetie-kins, It's all over now.

They've caught The dirt bag.

Looks like We're going

To be spending Some time together.

Winslow.

Lieutenant murtaugh, sir.

Who's in charge here?

You are, sir.

Good answer. Fill me in.

It's a 211 In progress.

Robbery suspect holed up In bank across the street.

Investors bank Of chicago,

Currently paying The highest Interest rates

On a jumbo cd.

I wouldn't know, sir.

Surveillance indicates There's only one suspect.

He has hostages, Number unknown.

Well, this is A nasty situation, Winslow.

How would you Handle it?

Well, sir,

I obtained a sketch Of the bank layout

From the bank manager.

That's the manager?

I'm changing banks.

But the s.W.A.T. Team's deployed And covering both exits.

Excellent.

Let's get in there

And turn this guy Into a human Sprinkler.

Sir, according to the book,

We should try To make contact With the suspect

And attempt to determine The situation inside.

If we negotiate, we might Be able to avoid unnecessary Loss of life.

Oh.

Okay.

S-stay cool And don't panic.

Everything's going To be alright.

Thanks, steve.

I was talking to me.

Shut up.

And that goes for you, Too, patti labelle.

Tina turner.

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Yeah.

It's for you.

Hello. This is officer Carl winslow

Of the metro Police department.

Who am I speaking to?

Margaret thatcher.

Look, I got Five people here.

You want them To stay healthy,

You give me Exactly what I want.

Alright. Just stay calm Tell me what you want.

And I'll do my best Getting it for you.

Really?

Yeah. My only concern Is that nobody gets hurt.

Okay. Great. Here's what I want.

Get me a van, Gassed up,

And I want a plane Waiting for me At the airport.

Where you going?

Disneyland.

I'll tell the pilot When I get there.

Okay.

I'll get on this, But it's going To take time--

Three or maybe Four hours.

Really? Why so long?

Just stalling, sir.

Oh. Good. Just like I taught you.

Look, I'm not A phone person.

I'm a gun person. You got one hour.

Alright. If I'm going To make this happen,

I need to speak To someone

To make sure everybody In there is okay.

You, paula abdul.

Ti--fine.

Here, one of chicago's finest

Wants to know If you people are okay.

Hello.

Laura?

Daddy?

Oh my god.

Sweetheart, what are you Doing in there?

Well, well, well.

Isn't this interesting?

My luck has changed.

I got me A cop's daughter here.

If you want her back Safe and sound,

You get me my van, And fast.

Let's see. We have a pretty angel And a ferocious pirate.

Isn't that cute? They cleaned you out.

I should've popped That bozo.

Good news.

I found three Peanut butter cups

In carl's sock drawer.

Mm-hmm. Good eating.

We're back.

Hey, look, humpy.

It's janet jackson And raphael.

Did you kids have fun?

Yeah.

It was great, dudes.

Look at all The candy--

Wait a minute.

My bag's Almost empty.

How come Yours is full?

I don't know. I guess I'm just cuter.

Come back here, you.

Rachel, now that the kids Are on a sugar high,

See if you can get 'em To sell us their candy.

But I thought laura and steve Went out to get some.

They never came back.

Probably out Goofing around.

Well, it's halloween.

By the way, harriette, I'm A little disappointed in you.

Why?

I thought you'd At least try on the hump.

You listen to me. I've waited long enough.

These hostages Are history

If you don't deliver In five minutes.

That's better.

The pizzas will be here In five minutes.

In another 10 minutes, We'll get them for free.

Shut up.

Laura.

What?

I think I can Take this guy.

Are you nuts?

I don't care.

I've been Pushed too far.

Why, he's Threatened us,

Ridiculed us,

And he wouldn't Let us get anchovies On our pizzas.

A guy can only Take so much.

Steve, He's got a gun.

He'll shoot you And you'll die.

Go for it, steve.

Hyah!

Kid, you just made A big mistake.

Not as big as the one Your parents made.

Wah-wah-wah-wah!

Wah!

Oh, steve, You were wonderful.

Yes, I was, Wasn't I?

My hero.

Laura.

What?

I think I can Take this guy.

Where, To a movie?

Well, I have To try something To save you.

What are you doing?

Oh, n-n-nothing.

A-a-absolutely nothing.

Sit back down Next to chaka khan.

Well, finally The pizza's here.

Come on. Let's go.

What took you so long?

Sorry, mon. Caught a flat On me bike.

Eh, dat a real gun?

Yeah. And that better Be real pizza.

Oh, it is, mon. Best in town.

Cheese fresh. 22 dollar, mon.

The cops are paying.

Shoot. That mean no tip.

You open it.

See. Just grease.

Whoa!

Everybody okay?

You alright, Sweetheart?

Oh, god Bless you.

You get Some tomato soup.

And you,

Pork and beans.

Mom, you'll never believe What happened to us.

Young lady, Where have you been?

You were supposed To be back here

With more candy More than three hours ago.

We were forced To hand out Canned goods

And pork products.

I want to know Where you were And what happened.

Carl, can I Talk to you For a minute?

What's On your mind, steve?

Well, I...

I just...

Steve, what's wrong?

I'm a coward.

What are you Talking about?

Well, I pictured myself Overpowering that robber

And saving the day,

But I chickened out.

I just did everything He told me to do.

Well, steve, that's exactly What you should've done.

No, no. Laura Was in danger.

I mean, I should've Done something.

Steve, That man was armed.

If you had Made a move,

You and laura Might've gotten hurt.

But you made a move.

You waltzed in there With that silly wig

And bad accent And...

You were A real hero, carl.

Steve...

Can you Keep a secret?

Sure.

I was real scared, too.

Oh, really? You didn't show it.

Only because

I've been trained For those situations.

But remember,

I used Your trick snakes.

Well, yeah,

That's right.

You know, steve,

You stuck By my daughter.

You made sure That she was okay.

You did your very best To do that

And in my book That makes you a hero.

Thanks, mon.