Original subtitles

Harriette.

Oh, harriette.

Harriette!

I can't find my shoes.

Those things on your feet Look shoelike.

Not these. My red flats.

Laura, have you Seen them?

Nope. Sorry.

I bet rachel Has them.

She's been borrowing my stuff Since high school.

We're late. Can we please go?

This has been going on For 20 years.

Who does she think we are, The doublemint twins?

Laura...

Have you seen my red jacket With the beads?

Nope. Sorry.

I'll bet harriette Took it.

She's been borrowing My stuff since high school.

Make me sick.

My stuff's my stuff. It's not her stuff.

That's why they Call it my stuff.

I thought they'd Never leave.

Well, I'm Out of here.

Hey! That's my purse.

Whoops! Later...

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill Our house with happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Richie, why are you Playing with your food?

* they say I'm crazy *

* I can do What I wanna do *

* it's my prerogative *

Sorry. We've been Listening to bobby brown.

What's prerogative mean?

It means...Don't Play with your food.

Laura, how was Career day?

My grades Are good enough

To get into Harvard law school.

Harvard!

That's my girl.

Ah, just how much is it to go to Harvard law school these days?

Sixteen thousand Dollars a year.

Ooh! Ooh! Mm-hmm.

Somebody get the smellin' salt.

Of course you'd save a lot If I got a scholarship.

Why are you wasting Your time eatin'? Go study.

Edward, What about you?

What are your plans For the future?

Rock star.

That's it? That's your plan?

Son, it might be wise

To have something else To fall back on.

No problem, dad.

I can be a model.

Are you going to be The before or the after?

Hey, dad.

I thought you were Going to the movies.

I was,

But jolene Ran out of money.

Women.

Yeah.

Edward, I think it's time To have our little talk.

Oh, no! Dad...Is this Phase two of

"What I'll do In the future"?

Yes, edward.

I should've sprung For the movie.

Son...

Sometimes in life, We agonize over decisions

And then later on

Realize they weren't All that important.

But, edward, Choosing a career

Is important.

Now, aside From a rock star--

Or model.

Or model...

What else would you Like to be?

I honestly don't know.

I mean, I thought About it a lot.

I thought and thought

And thought Until my head hurt.

Let me ask you this.

Are you open to Career suggestions?

Sure. What do you got?

Have you ever thought About being a policeman?

I mean, not really.

Edward, police work Is substantial and satisfying.

It's a job You can be proud of.

It's also A family tradition.

Me. My father. And maybe now you.

Son, think about it.

Don't make Your head hurt,

But think about it.

Alright.

Hey.

My boss started A police ride-along program.

You can check out

The day in the life Of a cop.

What do you say?

I said I'd think about it.

I'll save you time.

You're going.

Well, murtagh, This is it, the old homestead.

Sergeant, this is A fine house.

Cop's house.

Thank you, sir.

I'm honored that You want to meet my son.

In this Crime-plagued society,

We need every good man We can get.

If your son wants to Join the battle,

I want to Shake his hand.

I'm sure He'll be thrilled.

You know, My son's a cop.

My daughter, too.

My dog's in The canine corps.

What about your wife?

She left me.

Women.

Yeah.

Honest, eddo. I'm telling the truth.

It's a scientific Fact.

Rats just Can't vomit.

Steve! Who cares?

A guy sitting in front of a rat On a roller-coaster.

Edward, all set For the ride-along?

I'm sorry, dad. I can't go.

Wh--

Excuse me.

Hi.

Ever frisk a woman?

What do you mean, You can't go?

I have an appointment With the modeling agency.

They're looking For new clients.

It's an incredible opportunity.

Modeling?

Yeah.

Isn't it great?

Edward, you have really Let me down this time.

I am very, very Disappointed in you.

This dog has Quite a smile.

Yeah, good old Blood fang.

He'd lay down His life for me.

How'd you train him To hold that gun?

So, winslow,

Is your son going On the ride-along?

Uh...

No, sir.

I'm afraid he forgot

That today was his Paramedic ride-along.

Good group.

We plug 'em, They patch 'em.

So, you just wasted

43 minutes of my-- Let's be honest--

Precious time?

Uh...

Well, I'm sorry, Sir, but, uh...

Can I go? Can I go?

Excellent idea.

Take your other son.

That is an Excellent idea, sir.

Excuse me.

Nice meeting you, kid.

Put her there.

Six months In the academy

Will firm up That grip.

Excuse me.

Good day, gentlemen.

I've never been In a police car.

I was in An ambulance once.

What happened?

Unavoidable accident. On my 5th birthday,

My parents used me To break the pinata.

Hey, what's This button for?

[sirens blare]

Aw!

We don't need the siren Right now, steve.

Okey-doke.

Hey, what's in The glove compartment?

Nothing! Oh!

Whoa!

Whew.

I've never seen a nun Move that fast.

Just don't touch Anything else, okay?

Hey, can I hold Your shotgun?

Do I look stupid?

Only when You play golf.

2-adam-12. Robbery, 4th and main.

Male caucasian Seen fleeing on foot

Towards freight yard.

Suspect is 5'9", Wearing blue jeans

And green and black Plaid shirt.

Bad dresser.

2-adam-12. I'm on it.

When we get there, Stay in this car.

10-4.

Step on it, pard.

Let's nail This hairball.

2-adam-12.

Give me that!

Jackson!

Yeah?

Take the front. I'll take the back.

Got it.

Freeze!

[moo]

Cows.

Cows!

Freeze!

Don't shoot!

Didn't I tell you To stay in the car?

You were gone A long time,

And the human bladder Only holds 14 ounces.

Never mind.

Get in the car.

Did you notice That lantern?

Why do you think I came in here?

And look at this.

Yeah. Somebody's Been staying here.

Hey!

Watch it.

Hey! Open this door!

Hey! Open this door!

You heard him! This is your last chance!

Jackson!

Jackson, Are you out there?

Yeah, jackson!

Well, we're trapped.

Stand back.

I'll blow The lock off.

Carl, does the word "Stampede" Mean anything to you?

Well, steve,

You have really messed Things up this time.

If you had stayed In the car,

I would have Made my bust,

And we would Be gone.

Okay, so maybe I made a little boo-boo.

But relax. They'll find us.

It's not like We're going anywhere.

[train whistle]

[wheels squeak]

I hope that Was your stomach.

We're moving.

Jackson!

This gets better All the time.

Why isn't carl home yet?

Harriette, You're really worried.

Oh, no.

Oh, really?

Then why are you Baking the salad?

It's done.

Oh! The joys Of being a cops wife.

You panic every time They're five minutes late.

Mom, when's dinner? We're starved.

Soon. Your dad's Running late.

Let's eat everything

And see if he can Take a joke.

Uh-oh.

Edward, What's wrong?

Mom.

The modeling agency Was a bust.

The place was crawling With good-looking guys.

Really?

What was That address?

How about some sympathy, Aunt rachel?

My modeling career Only lasted 30 minutes.

Well...

That's longer than Most of your dates.

So, here's the skinny.

I love laura.

But, alas, My love is unrequited.

But I shall Never give up.

And when laura finally Does see the light,

You'll be invited To the wedding.

Oh, but not as dinner.

Somebody get me Out of here!

I want out!

Carl. Carl.

What?

Do you realize If that door opens,

You'll have to jump From a moving train?

Yep.

Carl, did you know

There are 99.3 million cows In the united states?

What, two died?

Know why Cows chew cud?

No money for gum?

Good one, carl.

A cow's stomach Has four parts.

Cud is actually food Regurgitated

From the first stomach Back into the mouth.

So it can be Further digested.

Wow! Wouldn't it be great If you and I

Can taste the same food Over and over again?

We can only dream.

Bovines are fascinating. Too bad they're--

Oh, would you please Stop with the cows?

Sorry. I'm getting On your nerves.

I can see The headlines now--

"Cop flips out, kills four cows And an urkel."

Steve, you know I'd Never harm a cow.

Hee hee hee hee!

[snort snort]

How do you snort Like that?

It's all in the nose.

What do you mean?

See?

Hee hee hee hee! [snort snort snort]

You try.

[snort snort]

Hee hee hee!

[snort snort]

Hee hee hee! [snort snort]

Hee hee hee!

[snort]

[snort]

I needed a good laugh.

Every time you laugh You burn up 3 1/2 calories.

Maybe I should laugh A little bit more.

[snort snort] [snort snort]

You know something, Carl?

You're one Of the greatest guys

To have ever Trod this earth.

I am?

Yeah. You're great With your kids.

You play catch With eddie.

You take laura and judy to the Mall if no sports are on tv.

You do Things together.

Well...

I try.

Want to know a secret?

Okay.

Sometimes I wish You were my father.

Well, steve, you have Your own father.

I know, and he's A terrific guy.

I mean, he's smart, Good-looking,

And really knows His kabuki theater.

But I think he's Disappointed in me.

Well, why?

He's A brain surgeon.

And he wants me To be one, too.

It's an okay job,

But, hey, where's The challenge?

Well, steve, what Do you want to do?

I don't know yet.

I'm interested In many things.

But if you Were my dad,

You'd let me make My own decision.

Ahh.

Well, steve,

Parents come down hard On their kids because...

They want The best for them.

Or what's best For the parents.

Mmm.

You know, steve,

Sometimes even the best guy Who ever trod this earth

Can make That same mistake.

But you'll Make your parents

Real proud Of you someday.

You think so?

Sure. You're A real bright kid.

Thanks for The talk, carl.

Any time, steve.

Ahh.

It was The strangest thing.

The train pulls Into springfield for water.

Steve and I are Screaming for help.

Nobody hears.

Steve starts singing I feel pretty.

Suddenly, there's A big hole in the wall,

And all the cows Are gone.

Goodnight, Daddy.

Good night, Sweetheart.

Mom was really Worried about you.

Yeah? How do You know?

She kept telling us She wasn't.

Is that true, Harriette?

Oh, I knew You'd be fine.

Well...

I was A little worried.

Dad, you got a sec?

Sure, son. Grab a seat.

Okay, bedtime.

Let's head 'em up And move 'em out.

Harriette.

Sorry, carl. I couldn't resist.

What?

Oh, shoot.

Why do I always Have to go?

So, what's On your mind, son?

Dad, I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I know it's important for me To become a cop.

So if you want me--

Edward, listen to me.

You don't have To be a cop.

I don't?

No.

But you're a cop.

Well, That works for me.

You do what works For you.

I'm not so sure What that is yet.

Well, whenever you Make that decision,

I'll support you All the way.

And in the meantime,

I'll try not to pressure you So much. Okay?

Thanks, dad.

Did I ever tell you That you're a good kid?

I think you Just did.