Original subtitles

Have you seen steve?

Nope.

He's driving me nuts.

Every afternoon He asks to Walk me to work.

What you need Is urkel repellent.

Yeah, well, I'm going to Fool him today.

I'm leaving An hour early.

Hi, angel lips.

Want me to Walk you to work?

It's no trouble at all, My little babushka.

I give up.

* it's a rare condition *

* this day and age *

* to read any good news *

* on the newspaper page *

* love and tradition *

* of the grand design *

* some people say *

* is even harder To find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see *

* is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* but we'll smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Thanks, mom.

Look, richie's Checking out The stock market.

You got any Hot tips, sweetie?

Toys.

We should buy A toy stock?

No. Just toys.

Harriette.

Uh-oh.

[humming]

Oh, great.

It's dance contest Time again.

My favorite time Of year.

Mine, too.

Not in front Of the children.

Whew.

Dad, do we have to Sell tickets This year?

No, you don't have to.

Yes.

You get to.

Oh, dad!

Come on, kids, Perk up.

After all, The contest Is for a good cause.

We raise money For the policeman's Memorial foundation.

Can I be honest

About Going to the Dance contest?

Sure.

I'd rather Do a swan dive On a cactus.

Why?

Well, it's real depressing Watching people your age

Do the lambada.

Have a nice day?

Well, I took that jacket Down a peg or two.

Come upstairs with me.

I got a sweater That's been Giving me trouble.

Harriette...

Make note.

Charlie carnelli is not Welcome in this house.

Fine. Who's Charlie carnelli?

The biggest jerk Down at the precinct.

A jackass with a badge.

I thought that Was your captain.

Sit down, relax,

Tell me What happened.

Two weeks ago He transfers From the south side.

I could tell he was A goober from the get-go.

How does this goober Get you?

Everything's a competition With charlie--

Who's got the best score At the shooting range?

Who gets The most collars?

Who can burp The longest?

I bet you won That one.

Of course, but that's Not the point.

Today charlie starts Shooting off his mouth

About how he's going To win the dance contest.

He says he's the world's Greatest dancer.

That kind of bragging Is childish, stupid, And petty.

Carl, you are Absolutely right.

I said we'll Wipe up the floor With him.

Carl.

Rachel!

Is rachel here?

No. She's at work,

But I'm sure She heard you.

I'm going to ask her

To come up with A killer routine.

We were entering This contest For the fun.

Fun just went Out the window. This is war.

A fight to the finish.

The carnellis And the winslows

Are going to rumba.

* chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom *

* chick-a-boom-boom *

* chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom *

* chick-a-boom-boom *

* chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom... *

[swing music plays]

Ah, great, now!

Dance!

That's right.

Whoo!

Go with it, Girl.

Yay!

Whoo!

Work the show.

You guys Are great.

Mom, you can't lose.

Thanks, but let's Hear it for my partner,

Carl the dancer guy.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What happened? My back.

It just went out.

And pain came in.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, hurt.

Ooh, ooh, hurt.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Daddy, are you okay?

Daddy's fine. He's just fine.

Aah!

Aah!

Maybe it'll help If I rub your back.

Maybe it will.

Aah!

Ooh.

Maybe it won't.

Carl, is there anything I can get for you?

My gun.

That's it. I'm calling Dr. Van lowe.

Dad, can you Straighten up At all?

No, but that's okay

There are Plenty of advantages

To be being bent over.

Harriette. Yes.

I need new shoes.

Well, carl, that's it For the dance contest.

No! Ow!

Wait! Ow!

H-h-here, dad.

Sit down.

Take a load off.

Alright. Easy, easy.

Okay.

Ooh, ooh.

Alright. Just give me...

Oh, oh.

Oh, thank you, son.

[high voice] I love you.

If you try to dance With a wrenched back,

You'll injure yourself Permanently.

I can't drop out now.

I won't give carnelli The satisfaction.

Real smart. Then after the contest,

You can spend The rest of your life

Looking Like a pretzel.

Dr. Van lowe Says he'll See you in an hour.

He's got A treatment.

He'll get me Back in shape,

And I'll be just fine.

Come on. I need help.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

And we got to hurry.

What's the rush?

The appointment's Not for an hour.

It'll take that long To get to the car.

Come on.

Ooh. Ow.

Oh, oh.

Dad, we're going To the mall.

We need some money.

How much money Do you need?

$20 should cover it.

My wallet's in My right front pocket.

Say, dad,

I can clean you out,

And there's nothing You can do about it.

Yeah,

But eventually I'd get out of this

And hunt you down.

Right.

You kids go and Have a good time.

Want us to hang you On the porch

So you can get Some sun?

Just go.

Ahhh.

Finally.

Peace.

Oh!

Anybody home?

Let go of the door!

Let go of the door!

Whoa!

Ohh!

Hey, carl, you just Hanging around?

What do you want, Steve?

World peace,

But I'm here To ease your plight.

My plight's been eased.

I'll be fine By the dance contest.

I have to hang in this For 10 days,

Four hours a shot.

That's too much time To spend by yourself.

I'll keep you company.

Yep. I'm your bus ticket Out of lonesome town.

That's very thoughtful, Steve, but--

I'll be with you Every second You're in that thing.

H-harriette!

Encyclopedia britannica.

"A."

Anybody!

[music plays]

You know what, carl?

The carnellis Are good.

Yeah, I got to give That obnoxious jerk Credit.

Steve, you like This music?

Nah, not really.

Maybe there's hope For you yet.

I'm more of a polka Kind of guy.

Carl.

Charlie.

My wife-- Harriette.

Nice to meet you.

My wife--ellen.

My wife's prettier.

In your dreams.

Folks, before we get To our next contestants,

Let's just Take a moment

To acknowledge the person

Who sold the most tickets For tonight's contest.

How about a big hand For richie crawford!

Richie! Yeah!

Hey, might not be Too long

Before that young man Is in the contest.

Laura, how did richie sell 137 tickets?

I put his arm in a sling and Stood outside a piggly wiggly.

He sold out In less than an hour.

Laura, you have no shame. I love that in a woman.

How's your back?

Terrific.

Remember, dr. Van lowe Said to go easy.

Don't go overboard.

I'm fine.

So, gregory hines, Look out.

Okay it is time For our next contestants.

Let's put Your hands together

For harriette winslow

And her Lovely husband carl.

Don't worry About a thing.

You got this puppy Locked up.

Say, you're Very pretty.

Well, thank you.

Get off my stage.

You ready?

Let's go for it, Handsome.

[rumba music plays]

Yes!

[polka music plays]

Alright!

Let's hear it for That wonderful couple.

Weren't they great?

Bravo!

Bravo! Encore!

Bravo! En--

Thank you,

Thank you.

It's a real pleasure To see such talent

From the police Commissioner's kids.

Uh-oh. Okay

The...

Results.

Oh, boy. This is the moment We've all been waiting for.

The winning couple...

Of the eighth precinct's Annual dance contest is...

Charlie and ellen carnelli!

And carl And harriette winslow!

We have a tie!

Alright.

Okay

I know, I know.

Now, there will be A dance-off

To determine the winner.

The judges have decided That the dance will be...

The jitterbug.

So let us just give it up For our finalists.

And you people Take a bow.

Come on.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Ooh, ow.

Ooh, ooh.

Did your back Go out again?

Out?

It's on vacation.

I'll tell the judges We can't dance.

No!

We got to beat The carnellis.

We're just a jitterbug Away from victory.

Carl, this competition thing Is driving you crazy.

You're in pain. When are you Giving it up?

Never. Carl winslow dances To the death.

Attaboy, carl.

Ow!

Steve! Ow, it hurts!

Ow!

Oh, carl.

You got a little Back problem here?

Huh? Oh, no, charlie.

I was, uh... I was admiring my shoes.

Yeah, look, Real leather.

For a second there,

I thought You were going to Try to chicken out.

Oh, oh, aah!

Charlie. Charlie, you okay?

It's my ankle. It's--it...

It's fine.

It's a strong ankle. Real fine.

Aah!

Okay

Folks, it is time For the dramatic Dance-off.

Now, dancers, To the floor, Please.

Now, here they come. Here they come.

The dance Of champions.

The champions Of the dance.

Okay, boys. Hit it!

[jitterbug music plays]

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

[music stops]

Ellen, what Are you doing?

You're hurt.

We got to stop.

What's Going on here?

We can't dance Anymore.

My husband Sprained His ankle.

Oh, I'm sorry. You lose.

What?

The winners of this year's Dance contest--

Can I say Something, please?

Uh...

This competition thing Has gotten way out of hand.

I'm hurt. Charlie's hurt.

We both want To win so bad

That we're not Having any fun.

Right, charlie?

Right, carl.

So I think It's only fair

That we declare This a tie.

We both Deserve to win.

Yeah, I'll take it.

Hey. Now, there is A noble gesture.

Isn't that great, folks? Is that great?

Unfortunately, It's against the rules,

So, hey, you both lose By default.

Let's hear it For the winners,

The commissioner's kids!

Oh, you were wonderful, Absolutely wonderful.

What's your hourly rate? My parents' anniversary...

Now let's turn The evening over

To our young people And their music.

They are This country's future,

So let's just Grin and bear it.

Young people.

[you can't touch this Plays]

Oh, ooh, ow.

Carl.

Huh?

I'm proud of you. Really?

Yeah. You had charlie beat.

They would've Given us the trophy,

But instead, you showed What a good sport you are.

Thanks, babe.

Come on, mr. Bojangles. Let's go home.

I'll fix you a big Banana split

And then hang you up On the door.

You really know how To treat a guy.