Original subtitles

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* but we'll smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Whoa. Hunk alert.

That's steve webster.

You know him?

You've actually seen Those lips move?

Steve's my loan officer At the bank.

He made all this possible, So treat him kindly.

Hi.

Hello, rachel.

Congratulations. The place, it looks great.

Thank you.

Who's this Lovely young lady?

This is my niece laura.

Laura, this is Steve webster.

Nice to meet you.

It sure is.

These are for you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, steve, They're beautiful.

Compared to you, They're just A bunch of weeds.

What a nice thing To say.

Laura, would you put these In some weed water?

Sure.

I did that On purpose.

It was really sweet Of you to come by Like this.

Do loan officers Always visit

The businesses They finance?

I just didn't Have the guts To say this by phone.

Tell me what?

You didn't read The fine print In the loan papers.

Fine print?

Mm-hmm.

This is so typical.

You bank people Are real piranhas.

Does my interest Rate double after The first year?

Relax, relax.

The clause I'm Referring to states,

"The borrower is required, Within one week Of the grand opening,

To have dinner With the loan officer Of said document."

Well, now, That is fine print.

Very fine print.

How about friday At 8:00?

Look, steve, I barely know you.

Besides, I'm not sure It's good

To mix business With pleasure.

I see.

7:30 would be better.

Great!

Until friday.

Harriet, harriet. Richie's gone.

I can't find my son anywhere.

Rachel--

He's not upstairs or downstairs. Not inside or outside.

So call the police.

Rachel! What?

Peek-a-boo!

Oh, I didn't know where You were. Mommy was worried

Little richie and I were just Reading the paper together.

Rachel, I'm going to get you An intercom system.

You can keep an ear on him No matter where he is.

Thanks, harriet. And when steve Gets here entertain him.

Okay, baby.

Can't we watch A sesame street tape?

I don't think so, sweetheart, You're uncle carl wore it out.

I-I'm cold.

Steve, what's wrong?

I...

O-o-organized Th-the f-f-freezer.

Oh, you poor baby.

How long were you In there?

L-l-long enough To get icicles On my nose hair.

Look.

I'll just take your word For it.

Steve, thank you So much

For organizing The freezer.

That was Very enterprising.

You know what?

You are a very Special person.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Hello, eddo.

Eddie winslow, You are a slime bucket.

So long, eddo.

Jolene!

Is it true You asked out Simone edwards?

What?

You're the only girl For me.

Did you ask her out Or not?

Well, yeah.

The good news is She said no.

That's it. We're though, Eddie--history.

Hoo hoo hoo!

Uh, eddie, is this A bad time?

Steve, I just got dumped.

Oh, good. Then you're free.

I need your opinion On something, eddie.

I'm starting To see signs

That a certain girl Likes me.

What kind of signs?

Well, for one thing,

She's always Complimenting me.

Complimenting is good.

Oh. She touches me A lot.

She--yeah, yeah.

Hugging...

Patting...

Ooh--and rubbing.

Rubbing is real good.

It might be My imagination.

The concept of a girl Actually enjoying My presence

Is all brand-new to me.

Are there any other Signs to look out for?

Well, I can tell you How I found out

That jolene had fallen For the edster.

Who?

Me.

Oh. Please, go on.

One day I had Walked by her In study hall.

She was doodling my name Over and over.

Wow!

Thanks, pal. If you Ever need anything, Just say the word.

Thanks. Bring me a burger.

Sorry. This isn't My station.

"Rachel loves steve."

Okay, let's see.

Better add zucchini To that shopping list.

Z-u-k--

Nope.

Oh.

Z-o-o-k--

Uh-uh.

Let's get corn instead.

Okay, richie,

The intercom is all ready.

Here's how it works.

The transmitter Stays here,

And the receiver goes In the living room.

If you talk here, I can hear you there.

But how?

Well, if you-- This comes--if--

Let's just try it out.

Okay. You go in there,

And I'll say hi.

Deal.

Here we go now.

This is so much fun.

Shh!

[high-pitched scream]

Aah!

Hey, everybody.

Hi, rachel.

Can we talk?

We're going to the store.

It's about a man.

Judy, go get The dictionary And look up zucchini.

Oh, I never get to hear The good stuff.

Okay, you want to talk to us About a man?

Any chance this man Could be steve webster?

Yes!

Well, you know we had Dinner the other night.

We had a great time.

We got the hint When you walked Through the door

And did a cartwheel.

Well, you know, steve Is smart, charming, And funny.

And he asked me out again.

But...

But he's a little...

Young.

You know how people talk

When a mature woman Dates a younger man.

The story of my life.

I felt like everyone Was staring at us

Because of Our age difference.

Rachel, You're only 35.

Well...He's 28.

Here's how I see it.

There's Only three things Important in a man--

That he's single, Over 21,

And brings His own toothbrush.

Ooh! You ought to quit!

Gee, officer, I'm really Sorry I was speeding.

Do we have to go To the police station?

Yep. But first you have To stop for doughnuts.

Yeah!

My kind of cop.

Hi, big guy.

Hi. Hi.

Carl, I brought the notes To go over with laura.

She's in the shower.

Thanks.

I almost got you there.

Cute. I'll tell her.

Come on, richie. I need backup.

10-4!

Maybe you're right.

I mean, the age difference Doesn't really matter.

What does matter Is the way steve Makes me feel.

I mean, steve Has changed my whole life.

If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have Rachel's place.

And there are so many Wonderful things About him.

He's handsome.

He's a great dresser.

And he is one Of the sexiest men I've ever met.

You really like him.

Like him? Oh, harriette,

I'm falling Head-over-heels In love with him.

You know what? I'm going to invite steve

To a romantic dinner At the restaurant On sunday.

Candlelight...

The two of us all alone.

Whoo... Whoo...

Eee! Eee!

Oh, hi, steve.

Oh!

How are you?

I'm fine!

Steve, would you mind

Coming over To the restaurant On sunday about 7:30?

What? Huh, wh-wh-wh-what?

Well, I'm Planning a dinner

For a very, very Special friend.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I see.

I--I--I see.

Steve, are you sure You're okay?

Fine, fine, fine!

Good.

I want to play my records On the jukebox.

Can you help me Put them in?

Do I have to?

Steve, I am your boss,

But I'd be willing To pay you.

Well, gee,

I wouldn't know What to charge.

How about Double the usual?

The usual?

Well...

O-okay.

Thanks, steve.

You know what?

You are such A sweetheart.

Come here.

Ohh!

Steve?

Steve, What happened?

Oh, nothing. Just blacked out For a second there.

Tell me in as few words As possible,

What's your problem?

Well, you see, I have reason to believe

That a certain woman Is falling in love with me.

Well, we can be sure It's not laura.

Oh, that I wish It were,

For my heart Would not be so torn.

Well, steve, Is--is the woman nice?

Oh, yeah.

Well, Is she attractive?

Oh, she's a feast For these four eyes.

Well, then, What's your problem?

Well, my heart Is promised to laura.

She's been the only Girl for me since We met in kindergarten

And she made me Eat my play-doh.

Well, steve, maybe you Should give this other Girl a chance.

I mean, it doesn't look Like laura's going To fall into your arms

Any time this century.

I know.

And steve, Consider this.

If this girl Really has fallen... For you...

Then it's obvious That there's

A powerful chemical Attraction going on.

You sly dog, you.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, well...

I guess I do have

A healthy dose Of the old Animal magnetism.

Oh, yeah!

Get back! Get back!

Look out! Dude on the loose!

Look out! Dude on the loose!

Get down! Get down!

Get down With your bad self!

Get all the way down!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Yeah.

Alright.

Thanks for the talk, Carl.

Yeah, there's a filly Out there who needs me,

And I'm not one For cruelty to animals.

Get down! Get doooown!

Yeah!

Hey, there, Bubbling brown sugar.

Steve?

Yep.

The urkman himself.

Steve, why are you Wearing a tuxedo?

Hey, a special night, A special lady,

A special rental price.

I have A special question.

What the heck Is going on here?

You and I are caught In the gale force winds

Of hurricane urkel.

So if you feel yourself Being swept away,

Hold onto me, My big bambina.

What?

I think your Cummerbund's A little too tight.

I know how you Feel about me, rachel.

You do?

Don't be coy, My little amazon.

Yep.

I heard you Over the intercom.

You declared Your love for me.

Oh.

Oh.

And phoo on Our age difference.

The wicked whispers Of the small-minded

Will turn into Shouts of admiration

As soon as I start shaving.

Uh, steve...

Honey...

You don't understand.

Oh, but I understand Only too well.

A wise and Somewhat portly man

Told me to explore Our relationship.

And when Portly men speak, I listen.

Steve, let me explain Something here.

Hush, my puppy.

Let us not speak.

Instead, let's listen.

Let's listen To our hearts.

Uh, steve. Steve, honey.

Steve! Steve!

Listen to me first. Now, see--

Wait! Wh-what's That smell?

What perfume Are you wearing?

Uh, rainbow cloud.

Laura wears Rainbow cloud!

I know. I borrowed it From her.

Oh...

What am I doing?

Why am I here?

It's laura I love.

Yesterday, today, And forever.

You're right, steve.

It is laura you love.

Let's always Remember that.

Oh, I'm sorry, rachel.

I've toyed With your affections.

Can you ever forgive me?

Well...

This isn't going to be Easy, steve.

I have been hurt.

I know what you're Probably thinking Right now--

You'll never find a man Quite like me.

I'm absolutely certain.

Well, Time heals all wounds,

And keep that Pretty little chin up.

I'll try.

Perhaps some day, the lord Will send you a man

Who's perfect for you.

Hello, rachel.

Wow! You're good!

So, let me Get this straight.

You were considering Not seeing me again

Because of Our age difference?

Right.

But you don't care About that anymore.

Right.

Rachel,

I don't understand What you were So worried about.

I mean, I'm 28, And you couldn't Be any more than 30.

Right.

[jukebox plays]

[cash register Bell rings]

Ooh, I love that sound.

Rachel, this place is packed Tighter than a cuban cigar.

We're doing okay.

Yeah.

Customers Are pouring in.

Yeah.

We all making money.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Could we order food?

That's a good idea.

Laura--

Sorry. This Isn't my station.

Uh, steve!

Uh, sorry. I'm busy.

Rachel, if you're Going to be this busy,

Better hire extra help.

Don't worry, carl. It's all taken care of.

Service on number six!

Whoa!

Okay. What will it be?