Original subtitles

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill Our house with happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Later, rachel.

Hitting the courts Again?

I'm playing Alice grayson.

I whip her butt Every time.

But she's Half your age.

Poor thing can't Go to the net.

Later, honey.

Have fun.

Give me One of those.

One?

Whew!

These grocery bags... Are heavy.

Thank goodness I'm in such...Great...Shape.

Look at this.

Eight bags Of groceries, $180.

Yeah. Can you believe The fuss they made

When I paid With a check?

Carl, you told them not To cash it until november.

Oh, carl,

We need To call a plumber.

Why?

Little richie Was curious to see

If your new slippers Would float in the toilet.

They don't.

Don't we have enough Expenses around here

Without the kids Sabotaging the place?

Carl, there are eight people Living in this house.

It's bound To get expensive.

If things get tight,

We'll both Work overtime.

Listen, you two,

I feel like A freeloader.

Rachel, don't be silly.

Well...

I appreciate The way you two

Have supported my Attempts to be a writer,

But my career's Going nowhere fast.

I'd like to contribute To the family budget.

It's not necessary, Right, carl?

Let's hear her out, Harriette.

Look at These newspapers.

I've checked All the want ads,

But these jobs Sound so lousy.

Listen.

"Lakeshore zoo seeks executive Veterinary assistant.

Simian sanitation."

Well, that sounds good.

What do you do?

You scoop monkey poop.

What's the pay?

Listen rachel.

If you got To find a job,

Find something Challenging.

Hey. Here's Something challenging.

"Shy guy seeks hot babe

Who shares love For pie toppings."

Hee hee hee.

Rachel, don't feel That you have to take

The first job That comes along.

Take your time, okay?

Don't worry.

It's almost impossible

To find a job These days.

Guess what.

I just got a job.

I'm a waitress At leroy's.

I get minimum wage, Plus tips.

We're talking new clothes, Concert tickets,

* I want money *

* lots and lots Of money *

* I want a pie In the sky *

Whoa.

* I want to be rich *

Whoa!

What?

You're too young To have a job.

No, I'm not.

You have schoolwork And chores here.

Let me work For one month.

If my grades slip Or I don't work here,

I'll quit.

One month.

Will you sign My work permit?

Why do you need that?

I'm too young To have a job.

Are there any more Openings at leroy's?

Nope. I got The last one.

You?

You're working At leroy's?

I knew you'd be Thrilled, sugar knees.

I saw you ask leroy For a job,

So I asked, too.

Go home, steve.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

A peck Near the lip area

Would speed me On my way.

So would a left hook.

Ooh. I love it When she gets physical.

Boy. Laura's got a job,

Even steve urkel's Got one.

I should be able To find something.

Well, if You're interested,

My uncle cecil urkel Is looking for somebody.

Really?

What job is it?

I'm not sure.

It's got something To do with pie toppings.

[dance music plays]

Hey, jolene,

Who do you think is Better-looking, me or tyrone?

Well, right now, eddie, I'd have to say tyrone.

Why?

'cause you don't Look real hunky

With mustard On your nose.

Laura, you've Table six to check.

But they're not Done eating.

Huh, if I waited for people To finish eatin' my food...

I'd never make a dime.

Psst.

Hey! Hey! She looks like A great waitress!

I hope we get her!

What are you guys Doing here?

We wanted to give Our support.

And throw you Some business.

And after that, We'll rock till we drop.

Mom!

Waitress, we need menus.

Sorry, this is Not my station.

Steve, table 10.

Hi.

Oh.

Oh, I'll be With you

In two shakes of A lamb's tail, okay?

Here's your food.

We're out Of fries now,

But I'll try And scrape some up.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to leroy's.

Menu. Menu. Menu.

Menu. Menu.

Just bring Burgers and fries.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Would you guys like those Burgers with cheese?

Please. Please.

Oh, you guys.

Steve!

Oh.

Allow me, My little milk shake.

No, I'll handle it.

Hands as lovely As yours

Should never be Besmirched by grease.

Oh, here.

Oh, no!

Here, let me.

I got it.

Oh, no, I insist.

Aah! Aah!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

No!

Did I do that?

Okay, you two, payday.

Yes!

You're doing a good job.

Thanks, sir.

A bill?

That's what you owe me For broken dishes.

Perhaps if you popped For better china.

I should fire you.

I'm in a good mood,

So I'll cut you Some slack.

Thank you. I love slack.

I'm going to make A bank deposit.

Take your time.

Why don't you stop And treat yourself

To a decent meal?

Ohh...

You know, the life of A restaurateur

Appeals to This particular joe.

I've mastered waitering.

I'm a crackerjack Cashier,

And during peak hours, A darn good hostess.

Yup, I think it's time I became a chef.

Where are you going?

To turn on the grill.

I'll fry you up A steve-o supremo.

Urkel, you shouldn't Do any cooking.

Don't fret, my pet.

What could go wrong?

Did I do that?

What's happening?

Leroy's is on fire.

Laura.

Laura!

Laura. Oh, my baby.

Are you okay?

I'm fine, ma.

Laura!

Dad!

Laura!

Oh, sweetheart.

I was so worried. Are you alright?

Fine, dad.

Oh, sweetheart.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

I've been looking For you two.

Now just how did This fire start?

It was an accident, Your honor.

I'm not the judge. I'm the fire inspector.

I know. I was just Practicing.

Here's what happened.

Some grease flared up On the grill.

Still we could've Handled it.

But then he Threw water on it.

Oh! No, no, no. You never ever Throw water on a grease fire.

Thanks. I'll know For the next time.

Leroy.

How you holding up?

I've had better days.

You!

Aah!

Leroy, no, no! Calm down! Take it easy!

You can rebuild The place better than ever.

I'm too old To start over.

I'm retiring To fort lauderdale,

Get me A little co-op.

You don't Mean that, leroy.

I'm taking My insurance money,

Maybe even my wife.

I have flipped My last burger.

Now the only buns I want to see

Are on the beach.

Boy, he got up on The wrong side of the bed.

Does everybody Have name tags?

Steve, carl and I Know each other.

Just going by the book.

Welcome, everybody. This is an informal meeting.

Feel free to ask Any questions at any time.

Yes?

Why are we here?

Good question...

Carl.

Hee hee hee. [snort snort]

And I'll answer it.

You see, um...

When steve Burned down leroy's,

It caused Lots of problems.

The neighborhood kids Lost their hangout,

Steve and laura Lost their jobs,

And poor leroy Lost his mind.

At the same time, I was looking for a job

And getting Absolutely nowhere.

That's when I dug Into the old gray matter

And yanked out an idea that Reeked of sheer genius.

Steve suggested That I buy leroy's,

Rebuild it, and run it As my own business.

Whoa!

It's the answer To everyone's problems.

But where will you get money To buy a restaurant?

Well, from the bank And my...

Brand-new partners.

I think she means us...

Carl.

The bank Will finance us

If we can come up with A 20% down payment.

I'll use the insurance money My husband left me.

All I need from you Is a check for...

Whoa.

I know I can Make it work.

I really believe that With all my heart.

Rachel, we've plenty of Confidence in you but...

Aren't restaurants A risky investment?

Steve?

Good question.

The following Visual aid

Will clear up any And all doubts you have.

[imitates Trumpet fanfare]

Oh, just Pull off the sheet!

I give you Rachel's place.

Carl, It's beautiful.

I sought the advice of The world's best cpa,

My own uncle Hiram ross urkel.

According to H. And r. Urkel...

Rachel's place Should turn a profit

In less than one year.

How does he know?

It's an inverse curve.

Rising neighborhood Population growth

Versus declining franchises That serve meat.

Oh.

We'll let you discuss The proposition.

If you decide To invest, great.

If you decide not to,

Believe me, it's okay. I understand.

Well, honey, What do you think?

It's an interesting Proposal.

I believe rachel Could handle it.

It's obvious she really Wants to do this.

But I feel Uncomfortable

About asking you to put up So much for my sister.

You worked hard For that money.

No, no, no.

We worked hard For that money.

Sweetheart, Rachel is family,

Not just your family, But our family.

But like you said, a restaurant Is a risky business.

Yeah, it's a gamble,

But our odds Are a lot better

If we bet on Somebody we love.

So you want to do it?

Absolutely.

Oh, carl.

I just wish we could.

What?

Well, honey,

Rachel needs just a little bit More money than we have.

Oh?

You see...

The thing is,

A couple Of months ago,

Lieutenant murtagh...

He gave me a good tip On a sweet little stock,

So...I invested.

How much, carl?

5 grand.

Carl! Well, can't you Sell the stock

And get the money back?

The stock has gone down.

We'd only have enough Money to go bowling.

One of us, anyway.

Carl, we'll discuss This later.

But in the meantime,

You better pray that stock Goes back up.

Rachel!

Did I keep you waiting?

Rachel, uh...

We talked it over, and we Decided we want to help.

Ohh! Oh, yes!

Oh, thank you so much.

But--but...

We're a few thousand short Of what you need.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, rachel.

Don't worry about it.

It just wasn't Meant to be.

How dare you people

Have an investors' meeting Without me?

Mama--

If not for steve,

I'd still be out back Shooting hoops.

Here.

Mother winslow, This is a blank check.

You're pretty swift.

We need $5,000.

Write in a number. Whatever you need.

You have the money?

Is a frog's butt Watertight?

Write it.

Oh, mother winslow, Thank you so much!

In a few moments,

We'll unlock that door And make history,

Not to mention A whole lot of money.

A toast.

To rachel's place And its beautiful owner.

Thank you.

Hear, hear!

Wait, wait. One more.

Let's drink To the person

Who really Made this possible--

Our junior partner Estelle winslow.

Hear, hear!

Come on, let's dance.

I can't wait to get down With my bad self.

I want to thank This young man

Who holds a special Place in my heart.

We wouldn't Be here today

If he hadn't burnt This place down.

To steve urkel.

Yeah, steve.

Ah, thanks, everybody.

And we'll All have burgers.

I'll just Fire up the grill.

Isn't that cute?

Fire up the grill?

Don't touch that grill!