Original subtitles

I hate my school picture.

My hair looks funny, My dress is ugly,

And I'm smiling Like a goon.

Yeah. That's you.

Hi, laura, my little Photogenic fox.

It's that time Of year again--

The day everybody exchanges Their school pictures.

Sorry, um...

I don't think I can spare one, steve.

I only have 144.

Oh, I understand.

I'll just stick around

And stare At the real thing.

Here. Take two, and Don't bother me next year.

Thank you, thank you, Thank you!

I've got yours outside.

Is it just me,

Or do I get better-looking Every year?

It's just you.

Here you go, my sweet.

It's going to be hard getting That into my wallet.

Hi, carl.

Oh, no.

There's two of 'em.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Hi, honey.

How was your day?

Rough. I spent hours talking A guy off a ledge,

Then found out He was a window washer.

I can't believe You did this to me.

Why are you So upset?

It's a stupid Video game.

Stupid video game?

What's the problem here?

I don't have a problem. I just Got the highest score ever

At space invaders.

Oh, sure. Rub it in.

Now we know who used to Have the highest score.

I don't think girls Should be allowed

To play video games, Period.

They should stick To cheerleading

Where they belong.

That's the most chauvinistic Thing I have ever heard you say.

I'll straighten Him out.

We need to have A little talk.

Step into My office, please.

What's wrong?

Son, I don't think you're upset Because you were beaten.

I think you're upset because you Were beaten by a girl.

Well, yeah.

This is the nineties,

Age of The enlightened man.

We aren't threatened By women who are smarter,

Make more money, Or beat us at sports.

We're not?

No.

Son, today's man is Compassionate and sensitive

And wants to live in peace and Harmony with today's female.

A real man's a man who's Able to admit defeat.

Go in there And tell laura

You're happy For her.

Alright.

Go ahead, son.

Laura.

I'm sorry I was such a sore loser.

You beat me Fair and square.

You deserve To be the champ.

Thanks. And eddie, I didn't beat you.

I crushed you.

Edward?

You're right.

Laura, it's the nineties, And I'm an enlightened man.

I only want to live in peace And harmony with you.

Congratulations.

Wow!

You left with eddie winslow And returned with alan alda.

Bye, ted, Bye.

You guys Have great form.

Rachel, will you forget about Pickin' up those two guys

And pick up that spare.

I can do both, You know.

Yes! Yes!

Snack time.

Did you guys Want something?

Bowling was a great idea.

I can't think Of a reason

Not to do this weekly.

Hi, everybody.

I just thought Of a reason.

What are you Doing here?

I come four times A week.

Like a second home.

Oh, no, carl. That would be your place.

Dad, it's your turn.

Go get him.

Go ahead, carl.

-after you. -I insist.

No please.

No, really, I couldn't.

Etiquette Demands deference

To the bowler On the left, unless--

Just bowl.

Thank you.

Would you Throw the ball!

Surely.

A little high In the pocket.

Fortunately, I got good pin action.

I'll give you Some pin action.

I was robbed. That should Have been a strike.

Well, not really, carl. Your pushoff was late,

And you short-armed On that follow-through.

Of course 9 out of 10 Is very good.

Listen, carl. This is an easy spare To pick up.

No problem.

Can't miss.

Whoops. Guess you can.

Well, Not a great finish,

But we still win.

Not yet, carl.

If harriette throws Three strikes In a row,

She beats you By one pin.

Mom can Still win.

Are you kidding?

Mom could Never beat dad.

Eddie, Never say never.

That's right. Never.

Show them What you can do.

She can bowl. Go ahead. Show them.

Whoo! That's it.

She's good, carl. Two more of Those and you're history.

Yes!

Hey.

Whoa! That's two, carl. Hanging by a thread.

Yes!

Uh-huh.

She did it, carl. She beat you.

You took the gas. You went belly up.

Of course there's nothing Wrong with second place.

Harriette, I want a rematch.

Mm-hmm. So does Mike tyson.

Come on. Let's go home.

Uh-uh!

We're not Going anywhere.

I'm serious. I want a rematch. You just got lucky.

I want a rematch, And I want it now.

The winner and still champion, Carl otis winslow!

[does impression of Crowd cheering]

I can't believe That man.

Harriette, just be glad Carl won the rematch,

Or we'd still be At the bowling alley.

I hate bowling. It's a stupid sport.

You got that right.

They run an ugly ten pound ball And buncha ugly sticks

While you're Wearing ugly shoes.

It's an ugly sport.

It's a great sport.

And do you know why?

Because It's a man's sport.

They make the ball heavy So women will know

To leave it alone.

Excuse me, Mr. Turkey.

If mama had beat daddy The last time--

Hey! Hey, hey. It's late.

And I don't want to hear anymore Fighting.

Go upstairs And go to bed.

He started it.

How did I start it?

By being born first.

You got the whole family off On the wrong foot.

Five hours At a bowling alley--

That's the most time I ever Spent in rented shoes.

I hope carl got that gloating Out of his system.

Ladies And gentlemen,

As the winner of The bowling rematch,

I hereby Declare this

An official carl Winslow holiday.

Looks like there's still A couple of gloats left.

Excuse me. I'm going To go check on richie.

What's wrong with her?

I thought we all Had fun tonight.

Hee hee hee hee.

Carl, no one had Fun tonight but you.

I'm surprised At you.

I thought you were a Better loser than this.

You won the rematch, ok? Case closed.

Now, come on, Harriette.

I think we need to Talk about this now.

You shouldn't feel bad

Just because I'm the better bowler.

-okay, I don't feel bad. -good.

Because I Really feel bad

About being The better bowler

If it made You feel bad.

Give me a break.

No. Come on. You'll feel better

If you came right out And said it.

That I'm the Better bowler.

That I'm a better bowler Than you.

Don't push me, carl.

The foundation Of a good marriage

Is truth,

And as husband and wife,

I think that you and I should Face that truth together.

Let's just face That truth, harriette.

Here we go now. Just say,

"My husband carl Is a better bowler."

Ok. That did it.

You want to face some truth? How about this truth?

The reason You won that rematch

Was because I let you win.

You don't really Expect me to believe that.

Yeah, that is not The first time.

I've let you win at bowling Since before we were married.

Well, richie's fine.

Rachel, you Want a good laugh?

Sure.

Your sister claims that she Let me win the rematch.

I knew it. I knew You were holding back.

See, what did I tell you?

Sure. She's your sister.

Of course she'll support This silly notion

That you're a better Bowler than me.

Carl, I'm warning you.

It's a simple fact Of nature.

Men are better bowlers Than women.

What kind of male chauvinist Garbage is that?

I'm not saying men Are better at everything,

But, hey, We're talking bowling here,

And bowling is primarily A man thing.

That did it. We're going bowling--

The men Against the women,

Right now, one game.

Now you're going To be sorry.

Goodnight guys.

What you doing With your pajamas on?

You told me To go to bed.

Well, get dressed, get your Brother and get in the car.

We going bowling, That's it.

[arguing]

Okay.

[instrumental music]

Whoo!

Ay-yah! Ay-yah!

Oh, oh.

A strike, ladies.

I guess that puts the men In the lead...Again.

Enjoy it While you can.

Go ahead, honey.

You won't be Leading for long.

[coughs loudly]

Oh.

Eddie...

You did that On purpose.

Did what?

I'm going to get you For this.

Oh, really? I'm shaking.

You better be, because It won't be today,

And it won't Be tomorrow.

But someday, when you're Least expecting it,

You're going to wake up With some hair missing.

It's all right, Laura.

We'll catch up To them.

Uh-oh. Steve bowls next.

If he makes another strike, We are in real trouble.

Don't worry About a thing.

I'll handle him.

Hi, steve.

Hi, laura.

You know, I shouldn't be Mingling with the opposition.

But...I just wanted to tell You how handsome you look

Under the lighting.

Really?

Yeah.

And I just wanted To wish you good luck.

Well, thank you.

My, what strong arms.

[gasping]

Steve.

Steve.

What's the matter?

Steve!

She--she-- She touched me, carl.

I can't breathe.

All the pins Look like laura.

Steve. Steve.

Steve!

Get ahold of yourself Get ahold of yourself.

Here. Here.

No. No.

We need a strike, Steve.

Breathe into Your bowling bag.

Oh.

Breathe. Bend over, boy.

That's it.

Oh. Ahh.

You all right?

Yeah. I-I'm ok.

Think strike, boy. Think strike.

Aah!

Ha ha ha!

There goes Your secret weapon.

Well, champ, This is it,

The last ball Of the last frame.

It's all up to you.

If you bowl a strike, You'll be a hero,

But if you don't, You'll be a bum,

A loser, a goat--

Thank you, steve.

That's enough Encouragement.

Good luck.

Let's go, carl. You're Holding up the game.

We just want to Claim our victory And get out.

Not so fast.

I feel A strike coming.

Come on, carl. One strike.

Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike!

Choke! Choke! Choke!

Choke! Strike! Strike!

Strike.

Choke.

Strike.

Choke!

[ball hits pins]

Hey, What happened?

It was a strike!

I distinctly heard 10 pins fall.

10? No way, carl!

[arguing]

You ought to grow up.

I am telling you It was a strike.

I'm telling you, No way.

Alright, then we'll get A flashlight,

Return to the bowling alley, And check for ourselves.

We won. You lost. Face it.

Face it like a man, Your wife beat you.

Face it Like a woman.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, keep it down.

People are trying To sleep.

I'm sorry mama,

We were discussing who won The bowling match--

The men or women.

Well?

We don't know, The power went off

Before we could Find out.

Yeah, the whole place Went pitch black

Before carl's ball Missed the strike.

Missed? That ball Was in the pocket.

Hush up!

Hush up!

Hush up!

All of you.

It wasn't the storm that Knocked out the power,

It was god showing you How silly you were being.

Who's better at bowling, Men or women.

I never heard anything So ridiculous!

You're grownups Acting like children.

You ought to be ashamed Of yourselves.

I want this settled now,

And do it quietly.

I've got a 6 a.M. Karate class.

We are acting Like children.

Hey, some of us Are children.

You know what I mean.

Yeah. Well, What happened to us?

This started out as A fun family outing

And ended up As war of the winslows.

Grandma's right.

This competition stuff Is stupid.

You're right, eddie. I'm going to bed.

Me, too. Race you upstairs.

Ha ha ha!

What a night, huh?

Broke three nails, Got a blister On my thumb.

I probably Caught pneumonia.

Otherwise, I had a great time.

Good night.

You know, harriette...

It was dark.

Maybe I didn't Knock down all the pins.

So you're saying The women won?

Well, let's Just call it a tie.

I'll accept a tie.

The next time I'm better Than you at something,

I'll keep it to myself.

Fine.

No, it's not fine.

Why should you do less Than your best

Just to protect My male ego?

You mean that?

Yes.

And sweetheart, I am sorry

For acting like a male Chauvinist sometimes.

That's all right, Honey.

You don't do it Very often.

In fact, Someday soon,

You'll be That enlightened man

You told eddie to be.

I promise I'll keep trying.

That's the spirit.

Oh. Oh. My shoulder.

I think I pulled a muscle Throwing that last strike.

It wasn't a strike.

If you can get this Kink out of my shoulder,

You can call it Anything you like.