Original subtitles

Urkel, would you Hold still?

I've got to finish This for art class.

Sorry, eddie.

I'm flattered to be The model for your greek god.

Urkel, what in the world Are you doing?

Posing as a greek god.

Does seeing me like this Give you any ideas?

Actually, it does.

Mom told me To go to the market...

And pick up a chicken.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Hi, everybody.

Hi, rodney.

Great news--

Eddie's running for president Of the freshman class.

That's great. Congratulations, baby.

Wait. I said I would think about it.

Eddie, do it. You've got charisma.

You think so?

I use A dandruff shampoo.

No. I mean, I think you could win.

The only other candidate Is margie flegman.

I'm not sure If politics is for me.

You know, honey, there's Something very appealing

About a man in charge.

Women are always throwing Themselves at politicians.

They are?

Sure.

Why else would anyone Date henry kissinger?

Rodney, I'm running.

It's the least I can do

For all the babes In freshman class.

"5 x 2 is 10. 5 x 3 is 15.

5 x 4 is 20."

Can't you Do that silently?

No.

Then do it upstairs.

Actually, that's Not a bad idea.

I guess She told you.

And you go help her.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi.

Look what I'm collecting--

Empty soda cans.

Well, everybody Needs a hobby.

No, carl.

I'm researching an article I'm Writing on the environment.

We're destroying The earth,

So I decided to do my part And start recycling.

That's a very Good idea.

Absolutely.

I think we should all chip in And help save the environment.

Are you going off The deep end with this?

Oh, no. I'm just Doing research for my article.

I got it Under control.

No!

What?

What do you think You're doing?

I was trying to spray Wonder whip on my pie.

This is In an aerosol can.

Those fluorocarbons Are destroying the ozone layer.

All I wanted Was a snack.

Go ahead. Eat the pie.

Destroy the world.

Boy! Do people Want to learn?

No. They want To eat pie.

I'm glad she didn't Go off the deep end.

Rodney, I'm going to need A better slogan

Than "Eddie for president."

Okay. Okay, I've got it.

Listen to this--

"Vote for eddie."

With that slogan You'll get exactly one vote--

That is, if rodney Can make an "X."

Oh, yeah?

What would you Do differently?

First I'd find A better slogan,

Something like...

"Win with winslow."

See, with "Win" Already in the name,

It's a natural Connection.

And you were trying To make something out of "Slow."

Then I'd develop A platform of popular ideas,

Things like, um,

Less homework, longer lunch Breaks, and bigger lockers.

So she's got Good ideas.

I've got buttons.

Who's edie winslow?

No. It says "Eddie winslow."

Since when do you spell Eddie with one "D"?

Since we got 1,000 of these?

You got 1,000 buttons That call me edie?

It's all We could afford.

They charge By the letter.

Let me lay it out.

You've got One chance to win.

Make me Campaign manager.

I don't know, laura.

Let me think about it.

Okay, you're in.

Okay, your first lesson Of the day--

This is aluminum.

Aluminum Can be recycled.

Recycling is easy and good For the environment.

See? It goes Right in here.

There, now.

Can you say, "Enviromentalist"?

Can you say, "Recycle"?

How about "Mama"? Can you say "Mama"?

Rachel, what are All these cans?

Oh, I got us set up For recycling.

When they're full,

They'll go to the Recycling center.

I got stacks Of paper,

Cans for plastic, Clear glass, colored glass,

Aluminum, And other metals.

Well, what's This one for?

Whoa!

What is in there?

Those are dirty diapers.

You want to take those Out on the porch?

Here's a coupon for A free sushi dinner.

You hate raw fish.

We'll get it to go, Bring it home, and cook it.

Wow, eddie, You look great.

Meet the next president Of the freshman class.

Why don't you try And get their vote?

[deep voice] Hi, there.

[deeper voice] Hi.

I'm edward winslow, And I'm seeking your vote

For freshman class President.

If elected, I promise To serve the students

To the best Of my ability.

I'd like To give you this.

It's my motto-- "Win with winslow."

And with your support, We can both be winners.

Allow me.

Ow!

Sorry, dad.

Well, son, Other than bleeding,

I'm very impressed.

Wait a minute.

He flashed You a smile

And stuck you With a button.

In between He said nothing.

Go get her.

Excuse me, but didn't I See you on 227?

Give me a break.

I knew it was One of those shows.

Anyway...

I just wanted to say I'd really appreciate

Your support for Freshman class president.

And did I mention What a wonderful outfit that is

And what a beautiful Smile you have?

He's good!

He just might win.

He's got my vote.

Hey, honey,

Here's a two-for-one Coupon to the movies.

It's only good Till 6 p.M.

If we hurry, We'll make it.

What's playing?

Who cares? I'm getting in free.

Goodnight, kids.

Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

I'm proud of you, Eddie.

You're really Doing great.

Thanks. And who knows?

Maybe I'll be The next dan quayle.

Eddie, um, I don't think

You want to be Saying that in public.

Alright.

What now?

We lay low The next two days.

If we can avoid Big groups

And being asked Lots of questions,

We'll win.

Guys, great news--

I arranged a debate With margie flegman tomorrow

In front Of the whole school.

A debate?

With questions?

In front Of people?

Well, unless we find A picture of margie

On a yacht With gary hart,

We're dead meat.

Laura, I think murder goes On your permanent record.

I thought a debate would be Great exposure.

It's just questions from the Editor of the school paper.

Okay, how's this?

We'll avoid The issues.

Forget about content.

We'll use Empty phrases,

Like, "I'm glad you asked That question,

But I won't have an answer Until the facts are in."

That's good.

I could use that In class.

Great. You take care Of eddie.

I'm going to draw Mustaches

On margie flegman's Posters.

Hi, rodney.

Hi, urkel.

What's that On your shirt?

Where?

Ow!

Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh!

You got to teach me That trick someday.

Yeah. Right.

[snort]

Hi, laura.

My, you look lovely This evening.

I'm in the middle Of something.

Go home.

I can't.

It's my parents' Bridge night,

And I'm not allowed Near their friends.

Okay. You can stay,

But just don't Say anything.

I promise. Not a word.

Okay.

Now, the key to Winning this debate is--

[humming]

Urkel.

Stop humming.

Was that me?

Can we please get back To my election?

Oh, yeah, That's right.

You're running For frosh prez

Against Margie flegman.

Say hi To her for me.

You know her?

Why, sure.

We go to the same Eye doctor,

Dermatologist, And allergist.

She's a real nerd.

You're calling her A nerd?

Why, sure.

I mean, She's nice and all,

But socially, She's a real dud.

Urkel, you just Gave me an idea.

Does it involve You and me alone

On a desert island?

Steve, it's That time again.

Believe it or not, you've Overstayed your welcome.

Did I say something? Did I belch?

I do things Unconsciously sometimes.

Goodbye, steve.

Thank you for A lovely evening.

Well, eddie. You're gonna be fine.

Just remember, smile And avoid the issues.

In other words, Act like a president.

Got it.

Attention. Everybody Please take your seats.

Ladies and gentlemen,

As your student Council president,

I welcome you To the debate

Between the freshman class Presidential candidates.

Margie flegman, Edward winslow,

Please take Your positions.

The moderator Will be rebecca sandler,

Editor of The monthly beacon.

Thank you.

Hey, laura.

The spontaneous Demonstrations

Are all planned.

Great.

Our first question Will go to eddie winslow.

Eddie,

How do you feel About school activities

That help the community?

You talking to me?

Yes.

Oh. Um,

Well, I'm glad you asked Me that question.

I've formed a committee To look into that.

I'll issue A full statement

As soon as I read Their report.

Alright!

Winslow! Winslow! Winslow! Winslow!

[gavel pounds]

People, people, People...

Thank you.

Uh, margie, The same question.

Is this off?

I was thinking Our school could try

To coexist hand in hand With our community,

But we haven't been Doing enough.

Last year, we had one Food and clothing drive.

Maybe we could have Two each semester.

We really should help

Those who are Less fortunate.

Boo! Sit down, Flegman!

Eddie, what steps Would you take

To improve our school's Academic average?

Well,

Before I begin, rebecca, I want to say

That's a lovely dress You're wearing.

Oh, thank you.

And I'd also like to say.

I want the best For my fellow students,

And I'm proud To be an american.

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

[gavel pounds]

Thank you.

Thank you!

Let's give margie Equal time.

Boo!

Margie, The same question.

I'd like to see The stronger students

Tutoring those Who need some help.

We could keep the library Open longer hours.

Everyone will have To put in

A lot of hard work.

No work! No work! No work! No work!

No work! No work! No work! No work...

Harriette, what is Going on in here?

I don't know.

I think there used to be A kitchen here somewhere.

I need an aspirin.

There's some In the pantry, baby.

Where in the pantry?

Hi, guys.

Rachel,

What are you doing?

This place looks like A recycling center.

It is A recycling center.

Why?

Well, there wasn't One around here.

Rachel, I can't believe You did this.

I guess I did go overboard A little bit.

Little bit?

I nearly got a concussion Trying to get an aspirin.

Look, rachel,

We believe in doing Whatever we need to do

To save our planet,

But this belongs in a parking Lot, not our kitchen.

I want To do something

To help with Our environment.

Rachel, you are Doing something.

That article You're writing

Will inspire a lot Of people to recycle.

We'll continue To recycle, too,

But we'll do it Reasonably.

No one could stick To the plan you set up.

I guess You're right.

Look,

I'm sorry I jumped off The deep end...

Again.

You write A good article,

And we'll Forget about it.

Okay. I'm going to check On little richie.

Then I'll come down And clean this up.

Okay.

How did your parents ever Survive her wonder years?

We can also improve Student/faculty relations

With small And informal dinners.

Not bad.

Eddie, how would you improve Student/faculty relations?

Ooh...

That's A tough question.

And I don't...

Have any idea,

But I liked What margie said.

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

People, we only have The gym for one hour.

Margie, a leader Must be able

To work well With others.

Do you have This quality?

I do have the ability

To work well With other people.

Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!

My being recording secretary For the chess club

For the past three years Proves that fact.

Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!

I am who I am...

I'll do the best I can.

Hey!

Hey, come on! Be quiet!

You guys haven't Been listening

To what margie's Been saying.

She's smart, She's organized,

And she'll Get things done.

I'm only doing this To get girls.

I love you, eddie!

But you're treating this

Like it's A popularity contest.

That's not What it should be.

You should elect the person With the best ideas,

Not the best looks.

Sorry, margie.

In fact, to make things Easy for you,

I'm dropping out.

If you're smart, You'll vote for margie.

I know I will.

Laura, can we talk?

What is there To talk about?

You had it all Locked up.

The crowd Was with you.

I just decided what I was doing was wrong.

I couldn't Go through with it.

Eddie, you Would have won.

Isn't that the most Important thing?

Not when it's based On dirty tricks.

Deep down inside, You know it's wrong, too.

I didn't do anything That bad.

Come on, admit it.

You got caught up In the power of politics.

Maybe there were A few things

I could have done Differently.

Laura,

A few things?

Okay, okay, You're right.

I don't know What happened to me.

I just wanted To win so badly.

There are some things

That are more important Than winning.

I know.

I'm sorry I got you involved In all that stuff.

I was wrong.

Well, good for you.

Margie will make A better president.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

You could have thought About it for a second.

Sorry.

Well,

I guess I won't Be needing these.

I'll just Put them away

Until you get In high school.

Aunt rachel!