Original subtitles

Hi, guys.

Laura, my angel, Great news--

I've got Two tickets

To the greater Chicago rock And mineral show.

I hear they have A fabulous gravel Exhibit this year.

Thanks, but I'm busy.

I didn't say What night it is.

Thanks. I'm busy Every night.

I understand, Laura, my sweet.

There's the boat show.

Eddie...My buddy, What do you say?

I can get us Backstage passes.

Thanks, steve, But I'm allergic To rocks.

Hey, I'm allergic To everything,

And I'm still going.

Judy!

It's your lucky night.

Pass.

Oh, no problem.

I can bring you back A t-shirt.

Richie!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

How was Babysitting, honey?

Those murphy twins Are a couple Of wild animals.

I'm getting too old For this line of work.

Laura, you're involved In too many activities.

Right. I've Thought it over

And made a decision.

To cut back On babysitting?

No. I'm going to expand.

Carl, She's delirious.

What I mean is,

I'm starting my own Babysitting service.

Start your Own business?

Do you know What you're doing?

Sure, I'll hire a staff Of babysitters,

Book the jobs, And take 10%.

I'll make 50 bucks A night staying home.

I'm going to make Some business cards.

Alright. Thanks a lot.

I had A wonderful time.

Yeah. Me, too, Rachel.

It's still early. Maybe we could Have coffee?

No! No, no, no, no.

We don't drink Coffee.

We're all Too high-strung.

Goodnight.

Another loser, Huh, rachel?

No. I like jeff.

Well, then, Why didn't you Invite him in?

Maybe she's embarrassed By her family.

Oh, carl...No.

The truth is,

I haven't told him About little richie yet.

If you like Each other,

Just tell him About richie.

I don't want To scare him.

Last time I told A date about richie,

I had to take The bus home.

Wait till you're my age.

The bus ride Is the highlight Of the date.

No, sir, Captain davenport,

There is nothing I like more than fishing.

Except, of course, Working for you.

Carl, you want me To fry that

Or throw it back?

Harriette, I finally Found out a way

To impress Captain davenport.

He likes fishing.

I'll take him To the lake,

Do some fishing, Some talking.

Wait, carl.

You're taking him Fishing to talk?

Talk to him At the station.

Harriette, You just don't know

The way the world Works, do you?

Guide me, o wise one.

I'll give you A guide.

[telephone rings]

It's for me!

It's rebecca.

What's happening, baby?

Who?

Man...Laura, It's for you!

I don't believe this.

Another friday night, And I'm dateless.

Is there something Wrong with me?

Winslow sitting service.

Am I as handsome As I was two weeks ago?

I still have my Killer eyes, don't I?

Mom?

Judy?

Eddie, get a life.

No, no. I'm sorry.

We don't have any Sitters available That night.

We can accommodate you

If you change the date Of the funeral.

Harriette, harriette.

I want my date with jeff To be perfect

Which dress do you like? Pink or red?

I love that red dress On you, rachel.

But are you Thinking like a man?

Well, if I were a man,

I'd love that low-cut Pink dress on you.

Sure. You just want me For my body.

Harriette! Harriette, I am in!

I am in, harriette.

I can see that.

Now shut the door.

I finally Got up courage

To speak with Captain davenport.

What did you say?

I remember Word-for-word.

I said to him, "Hey, captain, How's it going?"

He looked me in the eye And said, "Who are you?"

This is too weird.

Now dianne Is canceling, too.

I need somebody For the kramer baby. Who's left?

Nobody.

I guess I could call Steve urkel.

Did I say that?

Captain davenport's Going to recommend you For lieutenant?

I figure I'd ease Into it tonight.

I invited him For dinner.

Tonight?

Yeah, his wife Was out of town.

It's perfect.

Isn't it?

I'm warning you, Renita.

If you cancel on me,

You'll never sit In this town again.

Renita.

Renita!

The kid is back!

It's friday night, And I've got a date.

Pardon me, but you Must have mistaken me

For somebody who cares.

What's your problem?

All my sitters Have canceled.

Why is this Happening?

That's easy.

Paula abdul's in town Giving a surprise concert.

Everyone's going.

How could all my girls go? It's limited seating.

Well, if you call

The 65,000 seats At soldiers' field Limited, yeah.

Alright. Don't panic.

There's nothing Going on here tonight,

So we have the house All to ourselves.

I'll have the parents Bring their kids here.

It's just you and me,

But we can handle 15 kids.

We?

I'm out of here.

No, no there's No problem, Miss price.

If you'll just Drop your son At my house,

My sister and I Will be delighted To look after him.

Okay. Bye.

Okay...Okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I decided to go With the red dress.

Is the red dress okay?

That's black.

Right. I went With the black dress.

You look beautiful, Aunt rachel.

Oh, thanks, sweetheart.

Laura, tonight's The night

I tell jeff About little richie.

Should I tell him Right away,

Tell him At intermission,

Wait until dinner, Or tell him in the car?

It's not your problem. Just wish me luck.

Aunt rachel...

Yes?

You want him to knoe about Your kid right away?

Definitely not.

Then you ought to leave Little richie here.

Good point.

Bye, baby.

Well, have A good evening.

I know I will.

Where are you going?

You're taking care Of richie.

Oh. That was Before I had a date.

I don't have Lots of time,

So I'll tell you Straight.

I'm going To the concert,

And you've got The murphy twins.

Penny...You can't Do this to me.

I'm your best friend.

That's why I feel So terrible about this.

Bye.

I'm out of here.

If you don't Help me babysit,

I'll tell mom and dad About that little incident

That occurred At school last week.

What incident?

Don't play dumb with me.

You know what I'm talking about

You wouldn't.

Try me.

Okay...You got me.

I'll stay.

What did he do At school?

Beats me.

Knowing eddie, I just took a shot.

Hey! Give me back My wallet.

Eddie. I think richie Needs changing.

You know what?

I've been thinkin' About this.

I really don't think I did anything at School last week.

Oh. Are you forgettin' About that incident

With rodney?

Oh.

Oh, laura, I see you're Having a party.

I would have Come sooner,

But I was soaking My retainer.

Steve, I'm glad To see you.

You are? Wow!

You wanna make out? My mouth is clean.

Get real. I need help.

Find adam lewis-- I think he's playing In the toilet.

Ah! One of my favorite Water sports. [snort]

Harriette, Look at the time.

He'll be here In 20 minutes.

You went to three Gourmet shops For goose pate.

Well, I heard It was his favorite.

Friend...Or foe?

Who are you?

Your worst nightmare.

Carl, who was that?

You don't know?

What are all these Kids doing here?

All my babysitters Backed out.

Then call Their parents.

They were all out For the evening.

Captain davenport's Coming any minute.

These kids Can't stay here.

Some child is digging up All your azaleas.

Oh, my lord!

Where are you going With my hockey stick?

Alright, Alright!

That's it. That's it!

We have a houseful Of kids,

No dinner,

And davenport Will be here.

I might as well Kiss my promotion Goodbye.

Not--not yet.

Not yet.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

Okay, everybody Listen up.

Mother winslow, Take all the toddlers.

All kids over 7 Go play nintendo.

Laura divide the rest between Barbie dolls and lego

And get them upstairs!

Alright, everybody, Move. Go, go.

Now, if we keep them Out of sight

Captain davenport May not notice

That we're running A daycare center.

[humming]

Excuse me.

I don't mean To alarm anybody,

But the murphy twins Are snorkeling

In mother winslow's Waterbed.

Halt.

Who goes there?

Come on, let's go.

Ha ha ha!

[doorbell rings]

Well, Captain davenport.

Winslow.

Sir, come right in.

Thank you.

It's a pleasure To meet you. I'm harriette.

Mrs. Winslow.

Come in.

Thank you.

A little goose?

Pate.

Oh, my favorite.

But I can't eat it--

Too much Cholesterol.

Had yours checked Lately, winslow?

So, captain davenport... I hear you like to fish.

Mmm.

I happen to be an Expert fisherman myself.

Hmm.

Just the other day,

He caught An 8-pound curtain.

What's your Favorite game fish?

I like trout.

I hate trout.

Me, too.

Well, seems you two have Lots to talk about.

I'll just go check On dinner.

Isn't this nice?

Here in my home-- The two of us.

Away from the hubbub Of the precinct.

Doesn't get much better Than this, does it?

No, sir.

You say something?

Uh-ha.

[crash]

Uh...Ha ha.

We're having leg Of lamb for dinner.

I hope she Didn't break it.

It's hard cutting Through the cast.

I'll be right back.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

Thanks, carl.

I didn't want to have To get rough with them.

Oh, yeah?

Help!

Alright. Alright.

If I ever mention Babysitting again,

Just kill me.

Hi, laura.

Your father Was showing me

How to carry you Over the threshold.

Dad!

Get him!

If you're here, Who's watching The other kids?

Eddie.

He's good.

I looked away, And he shimmied Down the drainpipe.

Now who's watching The other kids?

[shouting and laughter]

Captain davenport.

[muffled cries]

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Captain davenport, Sir, uh...

I can explain Everything.

This is very Embarrassing.

Winslow, you ruined The game, man.

You like this?

Sure. I love kids.

I'm having The time of my life.

Oh, oh. Look out, kids-- I'm getting away.

See, harriette?

Can I read people Or what?

Jeff, I had A great time.

Me, too, rachel.

You're a lovely, Wonderful woman.

Would you like To come in?

You're inviting Me in?

This is A big breakthrough In our relationship.

Yeah...But...

Before we go in...

There's something I have to tell you.

I knew There was a catch.

There's someone else In my life.

You're not married, Are you?

No, no... Nothing like that.

Then what?

Well...

In addition To being a lovely, Wonderful woman,

I'm also a lovely, Wonderful...

Mother.

You are?

I are.

Come on, I'll Introduce you.

Help!

Help!

Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.

Uh, kids, kids...

Kids! Stop it!

Oh, jeff...

I'm sorry.

Are all those Yours?

None of those Are mine.

Aunt rachel, Take little richie.

The murphy twins Are out back

Giving each other Haircuts.

This is my child.

My only child.

Richie, meet jeff.

Listen, rachel, I--

Uh, jeff...

The only reason I didn't tell you About richie

Is because...

I didn't want To have to take The bus home again.

Run that by me Again.

It's a long story.

I've gotten some Strange reactions From men

When they find out I have a child.

I really like you,

And I didn't want To scare you off.

Rachel...I'm still here.

And I'd like the chance

To get to know You and your son better.

I'd like that, too.

Is that okay With you, richie?

That means yes.

Thank you for A wonderful evening.

You're welcome.

And I got my eye on you For lieutenant.

I appreciate that, Captain.

Listen, now, We are off duty.

Call me caspar.

Did the kids go home With the right parents?

I don't know. Let them figure it out.

We have to have A talk, young lady.

I know...

My babysitting business Blew up in my face.

Like the hindenburg.

Laura, for The next few years,

Instead of being A business tycoon,

Just be a kid.

I'll try.

But the thought Of extra cash

Does funny things To me.

What about the thought of Losing your allowance?

Straightens me Right up.

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight.

How do you think It went with Captain davenport?

Simple. Invite The boss over,

Give him Some dinner,

Add 20 Or 30 kids,

Tie him up--he's A happy guy.

Let's clean up The kitchen.

[pop]

Sorry, carl.

This thing has A hair trigger.