Original subtitles

* oh, yes *

* it's me again *

* I'm crazy, man *

* I can't sleep at night *

* I toss and turn... *

Hi, eddie.

Hey, urkel.

Laura's upstairs.

Yeah, I know. I just called her.

Boy, nobody slams A phone down like laura.

* because a girl Like you *

* is like A dream come true... *

Eddie?

Eddie?

Move, steve.

You think I need A new approach?

Wouldn't hurt.

If you could dance Like bobby brown,

You might Have a shot.

The babes love him.

* you will be there *

* every little step I make *

* we'll be together... *

That doesn't Look so hard.

* you will be there *

* every little Step I make *

* we'll be together... *

Hey! Now close Your eyes and spin.

That's it. Now back pedal.

You got it, steve.

Come on.

Alright, Steve, yes!

Some times I'm so clever, I scare myself.

Hey, eddie! I think I got it.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

"Many people have asked me what To get

"For my brother's 40th birthday.

"I've known darryl My whole life.

He's my big brother.

"I'm here To tell you,

"From the bottom Of my heart,

I never liked him."

I thought You liked darryl.

I do. These are jokes.

Oh, jokes.

Remember My birthday roast?

Darryl did The same thing.

Yes, but he was funny.

You think my jokes Are funny?

Mm-hmm.

If you liked that one, You'll love this.

Before I Split a gut,

Let's tell The kids goodbye.

Wait a minute, Harriette.

I'm not too sure about Leaving the kids alone

Especially With eddie in charge.

Oh, honey, they'll Be fine. Come on.

Well, what do we Have here?

Meat loaf, mashed potatoes, And string beans.

Edward is Cooking dinner?

I should Call 911 now

And make A reservation.

Dad, I've got everything Under control.

Being a parent Is easy.

And all these years We've been making it tough.

Now, judy, laura, While we're gone,

Edward is in charge.

You're putting Eddie in charge?

You want a moment To reflect on this?

And while we're gone, There are to be

No friends In the house.

Relax. Only rodney Would come over.

I know you don't Mean rodney.

Especially rodney.

Now, son, I want You to promise me...

No friends.

Alright... I promise.

Now if you'll Excuse me,

I have to check My bearnaise sauce.

Well, does somebody Want to help me?

Rachel, what do you Have in here?

Those are Little richie's things,

Stuff I have to take To the babysitter--

His teddy bear, Blanket,

Rubber duckie, And jammies.

We're only going For one night.

We've never Been apart.

What if richie wakes Up in a strange bed

In a strange room and sees a Stranger

And forgets What I look like?

Go without me. I can't go.

No, rachel, I know it's hard

Leaving your baby The first time,

But after that it gets A lot easier.

No, I want some.

Stop it!

Believe me.

Alright.

We'll stop Every 15 minutes

So I can call the sitter And check on richie.

Let's hurry and go, So I can hurry and stop.

This is going to be A swell trip.

Ta-da!

I guess I overcooked It a little.

Maybe it'll taste better With the bearnaise sauce.

It's already on there.

Hand me that steak knife.

Pizza man!

It's rodney.

We're saved.

Hold it. You heard what dad said.

We can't let anybody in. You promised.

What would you Rather eat,

Pizza or A charcoal loaf?

Let the man in. Let the man in.

Hi, everyone. I heard Eddie was cooking

So I figured you might need First aid.

Look, rodney, after this I'm Gonna have to ask you to leave.

I promised my dad I wouldn't Have anyone over tonight.

Even me?

Especially, you!

Oh! I see you got my mother's Recipe for meatloaf.

I wish we hadn't Gotten off the main highway.

Trust me, harriette. This is my special shortcut.

What kinda shortcut is this? This is a dirt road.

This is not A dirt road.

It's got some gravel And some grass.

Besides, it's the fastest, Most direct route to sheboygan.

You're lost, Aren't you, carl?

I am not lost, Mama.

I'm just not sure Where I am.

There is A difference.

Rachel, hit that light, While I check my map.

Carl, that's not a map!

That's a napkin.

I know it's a napkin.

Howard simpson drew it For me at the taco stand.

Is that sheboygan?

No, that's hot sauce.

Carl, where are we?

Harriette, I'm finding it. I'm finding it.

Carl, how many times Have I told you

There are no Shortcuts in life?

About a billion times, mama.

Ah, here we are.

We'll be in sheboygan In a half an hour.

Oh, good.

[click]

[click]

The car won't start.

Get out Of here.

Very funny. Now start it up, And let's go.

I'm serious. The car won't start.

Five sons, and I've Never missed a birthday

Until tonight.

I knew I never should've

Left richie At that sitter's.

When I was leaving, I swear he said,

"Don't go To sheboygan."

He said "Sheboygan"?

Everything will be fine.

I saw a gas station A few miles back.

I'll walk there, Get a tow truck,

Get the car started, And go to the party.

Carl, you can't walk All the way back there.

It's dark And freezing.

You want to go?

Here's a flashlight.

[knock at door]

It's them.

Who?

At the pizzeria, I mentioned to some people

That I'd be here.

But they're not Coming in.

Hey, it's your house.

I can imagine The kind of people

You met At the pizzeria.

Hi. Hi.

Hello.

You must be eddie.

You're even cuter Than rodney said.

Come in, girls.

Come on in.

Eddie,

What are you doing?

You want to watch The new janet jackson video?

Sure.

Uh, I'll be Right there.

You guys Go ahead.

Yes! Thank you!

Thank you!

Well, they seemed Very nice.

If you're having Friends over,

I'm having Friends over.

You're not going To tell mom and dad

About this, are you?

Not if the price Is right.

[doorbell chimes]

Hey, lamar, Come on in.

Rodney, I hope You don't mind.

I brought some friends.

Hey, mi casa Es su casa, dude.

Hey, the party's In here!

Hey, alright.

Alright, What's up?

Wait a minute!

There's no party here!

There is a party.

Hey, laura.

Penny.

Thanks a lot. Everyone knows You're having a party,

And you don't Invite me?

No, no, wait. This is not a party.

Yeah, This is not a party!

Will you Get into it?

But this is not A party.

This is not A party.

It's sure taking carl a long Time to walk two miles.

He probably Took a shortcut.

I'm sure he's fine.

Oh, harriette, I'm worried.

I mean what if he runs Into a bear

Or mountain lion Or worse?

You know, I once Read a story

About people who live In the woods--

Big, hairy, ugly people...

Who prey on Innocent tourists

When their cars Break down.

When the police Found the victims

There was nothing left Of them but their shoes.

Aah! It's the ugly people!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Open the door!

Oh, it's carl.

Sorry.

You okay, baby?

Carl, where's The tow truck?

There is no tow truck. The gas station's closed.

So...This is where I'm going to die.

I wanted to live to See darryl turn 40.

Is that too much To ask for, carl?

I wanted to live to see Little richie turn one.

Look, there was A phone booth.

I called The emergency road service.

I told them our car Broke down on highway 180.

We're easy to spot because we're Close to the gas station

Right underneath The highway 180 sign.

Brilliant, carl.

That highway 180 sign Is what saved us.

I don't understand. Where is that tow truck?

It's been two hours.

That's it. I'm going for help.

I'll go with you.

Don't go, carl. We need your body heat.

Oh, mama.

I don't get this.

I gave our location.

I said we're on The side of the road,

Right underneath The highway 180 sign.

Carl!

What?

The sign says 130.

Didn't I say 130?

No. You said 180, carl.

I guess That explains the delay.

Look, don't tell The others.

You know I hate

Looking like a fool In front of my mother.

Fine. Get in the car,

And we'll figure out What to do next.

Well? What were You two doing out there?

Carl gave the wrong Highway number.

We're back To square one.

Harriette, they really Had to beat that

Out of you, Didn't they?

Well, we are In trouble now.

We are in more trouble Than you know.

Just before We left,

I drank a quart Of prune juice.

What's that light?

It's a ufo!

Oh, it's not a ufo.

It's The highway patrol.

What's the problem, Folks?

Good evening, officer.

We seem to be having A little car trouble.

Where are You folks headed?

We're going To sheboygan.

On this road?

Nobody takes this road To sheboygan.

See, harriette? I'm the only one

Who knows This shortcut.

Get back.

Ooh, come on now.

Watch it!

Who are you?

I'm steve. I live next door.

Any girls with you?

Yeah, in my Back pocket.

Get out of my face.

Hi, eddie, Having a party?

What tipped you off?

The 3 million kids Dancing in my living room?

Good one, eddie.

Laura, my princess.

Hi, laura.

I don't want To talk to you.

Fine, then let's dance.

Aah!

Hello.

Hey, you! Get off that piano bench!

What's your problem?

Yo! Hey, hey,

You eddie?

Yeah, why?

There's something wrong With your water pressure.

Whoo, eddie, Great party.

Smile.

What are you doing?

It's called blackmail.

Laura, how did This ever happen?

Stay cool. As long as a fight Doesn't break out, we're okay.

Fight! Fight in the kitchen!

Fight in the kitchen!

End zone? You were out of bounds.

It was a touchdown!

Oh, right!

Excuse me, fellows. Excuse me.

Thank you.

It wasn't that play

That cost You the championship.

It was your free safety.

The guy's a febe.

His man Was open all day.

He couldn't cover His head with his hat.

That febe you were Talking about was me!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Actually, it was my dad Who said that.

He's a very large man

Who'll be here any minute.

You make me want to puke. You know that?

By any chance, is that Something you enjoy?

Stuff him somewhere!

Hey, come on, guys.

No, glasses, glasses.

Please, guys. I'll call you, okay, laura?

Let's play that down Over again.

Any time.

Let's go.

Hey!

This is my house,

And I will not allow Football in my kitchen!

Shut up.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's the ball.

Hey, that's my mother's Gravy boat!

Go!

Set!

Hut 1!

Hut 2! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Nice snap!

Oh, what am I Going to do?

It was as much my fault As it was yours.

You really mean that?

Yeah, don't worry. No matter what,

We're in this Together.

Dad!

It was all his fault.

Look, dad, I know What you're thinking,

But it's not As bad as it looks.

Pass it! I'm open!

[glass breaks]

My kitchen!

Move! Move, move, move!

Alright, This party is over!

Everybody out. Let's go.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's go.

You stay.

Harriette, the bathtub Is full of green jell-o.

What in the world Went on here?

You'll see.

I've got pictures Of everything.

I can't believe You did this, edward.

I backed you up.

I trusted you, And you have a party.

They threw a gravy boat Through the window.

Why would they do that?

They were playing Football, dad.

Let's kill him, carl.

We can have more children.

Harriette, it's okay. Harriette, harriette.

Harriette, it's alright.

Uh, come on, judy. You don't need to hear this.

I didn't mean To have a party.

I just let rodney in With some pizzas.

Son, I told you not To have anyone over

While we were gone.

You promised me That you wouldn't.

You broke your promise.

Along with everything In the house.

We don't make rules Up for our health.

There's a reason we didn't want You to have anyone over.

You found out The hard way.

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

I guess this means We're grounded.

Into dust.

I think we're too upset

To deal with this Tonight.

We'll talk about it Tomorrow.

You two, to bed.

I'm going to find the other half Of my gravy boat.

Boy, what a night.

[humming]

Party of the year, Carl.

Party of the year.

Cheeseball?