Original subtitles

Hi, eddie.

Urkel, why don't You ever knock?

Well, if I did, nobody Would ever let me in.

Where's laura?

She's upstairs.

I'm gonna ask her out For saturday night.

Steve, don't waste your time.

She's never gonna Go out with you.

Hi, laura.

I saw you.

I was wondering if I could share the pleasure

Of your company Saturday night.

I'm busy saturday night.

Oh, how about sunday night?

Urkel, let me put this To you as nicely as I can.

I'm not going out With you.

I'm never going out With you.

You make my skin crawl.

I understand. I caught You at a bad time.

She wants me bad.

Alright, see you.

Did I do that?

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Hi, mom. Hi, rachel. We have a surprise for you.

You're gonna love it. Yeah.

It's something you Can't live without.

I hope it's a maid.

I hope it's a man.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Okay. Open.

It's a dog!

Good, harriette. You got that Right on the first try.

Isn't He cute, mom?

He's adorable.

What a sweet Little dog.

Now, get him out of here.

He's got nowhere to go.

He's been hanging around School for almost a week.

No tag. No license.

Yeah. We tried to find his Owner. We called pet finders.

We put up flyers, But nobody claimed him.

Can we keep him,

Pleasssse?

Judy, quit whining. You know your father's rule--

No animals in the house unless They're in a bowl, a cage

Or a roasting pan.

Can't this be A special case?

Yeah, harriette, Come on.

Rachel, you're Not helping.

Think of the fun Little richie could have

With that Cute little puppy.

See the doggy? Nice doggy.

I'm sorry, but carl won't Allow a dog in the house.

We'll just have to take him To an animal shelter.

Rachel, take him to An animal shelter.

Why do I get All the fun jobs?

Come on, boy.

Aww, harriette, I can't take him to the pound.

Look at His little face.

Yes, you are cute.

Harriette, Can't we keep him?

Pleassse! Pleassse!

Alright. I'll talk to your Father when he gets home.

W-w-wait, it won't be easy.

You know, carl has A thing about pets.

Harriette, I'm home!

Quick, get him Upstairs!

Hide him In my room.

Hey, wait a minute. I'll help you.

Rachel, where Are you going?

Stay! Sit!

I'm not breaking This to carl alone.

I just had the worst day Of my entire life.

I was in a high-speed car chase And ran out of gas!

Do you know how Embarrassing that is?

And to top it off, I come home And almost hit edward's bicycle.

He left it In the driveway again.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I'm gonna have a talk With that boy.

Is he home, where's he, In his room?

I don't know. Uh, uh, I Mean, yes, but you're too tired.

I'll get him for you.

Edward, come down Here now!

I'll be right there!

No! No, don't drink Out of the toilet!

What is going on Up there?

It's judy.

You know, she hasn't been Herself lately.

I think I braided Her hair too tight.

Well, I'm gonna go watch--

Well, I'm gonna go watch the News

And see if anybody had A worse day than I did.

I'll talk with Edward later.

When are you gonna Tell him about the dog?

I'm gonna wait until He's in a good mood.

When is that gonna be?

Let's see, he has eight years To retirement.

I'll tell him at the party.

[knock on door]

Who is it? It's rachel.

Wait till you see What I bought mickey.

I got him a leash, Food dish,

Water bowl, And doggy delights.

He's gonna love these.

Well, that's strange.

It says, "Dogs eat 'em like candy."

[knock on door]

Uh...Who is it?

Dad.

Dad who?

Edward, let me in.

Just a second, Dad!

I'll be right With you!

Get the dog.

Come on, baby.

Son, I--

What are you Doing in here?

Just hanging out, you know, Listening to music.

I don't hear any music.

Uh, we make our own.

* it's my prerogative *

* na na na na *

* I can do what I want to do *

* it's my prerogative *

* I can live my life *

* it's my prerogative *

Do you all Do this a lot?

Yeah. We're thinking Of going on star search.

Son, I just wanted To say I'm sorry

That I blew up at dinner About the bike.

I had A real bad day.

It's okay, dad.

Well, I guess I'll turn in early.

Okay. Well, goodnight.

Sleep well. Goodnight.

Hey, what are these?

Oh! Dad!

Hey, these are good. What are they?

It's just a little snack

I picked up At the health food store.

Well, try them. They're delicious.

Here. Try one.

Something wrong?

Oh, no. Nothing's wrong. See?

Mmm. Aren't they great?

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Well, goodnight.

Edward, clean up this room.

It smells like an animal Lives in here.

You know, Dad was right.

These are good.

So, did you tell dad About mickey?

I told him a 100 times. What did he say?

Nothing. He was asleep.

Harriette!

He's awake. Quick, Hide the dog. Hide the dog.

What happened To my favorite slipper?

Carl, it just...

Wore out.

Wore out?

This looks like a wild animal Got a hold of it.

I bet it was Little richie.

You know how he likes To chew on things.

This was not done By somebody with one tooth.

[scratch scratch]

What was that?

What was what? That noise.

Sounded like it came From the laundry room.

I didn't hear anything. Did you kids hear anything?

Nope. Not me. Uh-huh.

[clatter]

I didn't hear That either.

Carl, don't Open this door.

And why not?

No special reason. Just a whim.

Harriette, step aside.

Oh, look. A dog.

Harriette, what is a dog Doing in the laundry room?

His laundry?

Harriette.

Carl, he followed the kids Home from school.

Harriette, now, you know My rule about pets.

I know, honey But we were thinking that

Maybe you'd Make an exception this time.

Oh, honey, A rule is a rule.

Carl, the poor dog Needs a home.

Have a heart.

Dad, he's a really Nice dog.

Yeah, he's got your eyes.

Case closed.

Oh, carl, you brought Home a dog. How wonderful.

Rachel he knows, and he doesn't Want to keep him.

Oh.

Don't you like dogs, carl?

What? I love dogs.

Then why don't You want to keep him?

Oh, look, When I was 6,

My father brought home

This cute little Cocker spaniel puppy.

We went everywhere together.

He followed me To school every day

And wait for me outside.

I have a question. What?

Why would your father follow you To school every day?

The dog followed me, Edward.

The dog.

Okay.

Got it.

For 10 years, that little rascal And I were inseparable.

I loved that dog More than anything.

Then one day He got sick and died.

I was crushed.

For weeks I'd walk to school, Looking behind me,

Thinking he'd be there.

'course, he wasn't.

Aw, that's the saddest Story I ever heard.

Well, after that I swore I'd never get close

To another pet again.

[honk]

I'm sorry.

Carl, that was 20 years ago. Get some therapy.

Harriette, I'm just trying to Spare the kids the same pain.

Oh, come on, carl you had 10 Wonderful years with that dog.

Well, yeah, but--

And think about The good it did for you.

I mean, it taught you About responsibility

And how to love.

[whining]

Yeah, dad.

What do you say?

Pleasssse?

Oh, alright.

Yes, dad!

You can keep him,

But this dog Is your responsibility.

The three of you have got to Walk him, brush him, feed him,

And most important of all Keep him away from me.

Don't worry, dad. He does Whatever we say.

Sit, mickey.

Oh! Sit, mickey!

Hey, I said sit! Sit, mickey!

I mean it! Sit!

Bye dad, we're going To the mall.

Wait a minute, did you Take care of the dog?

I fed him, eddie brushed him

And he dragged judy around The block three times.

Well, good. Just put him In the kitchen out of my way.

Hi, carl.

Don't you think you ought to Start calling me mr. Winslow?

Yeah. That's what my parents, Herb and diane, tell me.

Where's laura?

She's gone For the day.

Oh. I'll wait.

Want anything From the fridge?

Don't herb and diane Ever feed you?

They usually Send me out.

Ow! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Aah!

So, you got a dog.

Got to run, carl.

Tell laura I'll call her.

Cute dog. I think he likes me.

Good dog.

Good dog.

That's it. I've had it With that dog.

What happened?

Look, what he did To my algebra homework.

Just tell your teacher Your dog ate it.

I can't. I used that excuse Before we got the dog.

Well, listen, you all come on, Sit down and eat your breakfast,

And eddie, don't forget To feed mickey

Before you go to school.

Mom, all that dog Does is eat.

I don't believe it.

My science project Is ruined.

What happened?

I spent two weeks Making a papier-mache

Model of our solar system

And last night, mickey Took a bite out of pluto.

I don't believe this.

Take the dog outta The street, give him a home

And this is The thanks I get?

Hey, everybody, You got to see this.

This dog is a genius. Come here, mickey.

Sit, mickey.

Speak, speak.

[woof]

[woof] Speak.

That's great.

Harriette, I sure wish Our kids were this well-behaved.

Well, I think I'll go To work now. See you later.

Alright, sweetie. Have a nice day.

Okay.

Bye, mick.

Hey, he took Our bacon!

Mickey! Mickey! Harriette?

Mickey! Harriette!

What?

Have you seen My workout suit?

It's in the laundry room. Oh, thanks.

Aah!

What happened?

Looks like Mickey struck again.

Well, he's a dog. What do you expect?

Mom, isn't that Your new silk blouse?

That's it. That dog Is out of here.

Mickey! Mickey!

Hi, everybody. Where's mickey?

Here, boy. Here, mickey. Look what I got him.

A frisbee.

Help him develop great Eye-snout coordination.

Here, boy. Carl. Carl.

Sit down. We need to talk.

Why? What's wrong?

I have something To tell you about mickey.

Oh, no. Is he sick? Is he lost?

Carl, he's fine. He's in the garage.

In the garage? Why?

Carl, He's destructive.

He's eaten clothes and furniture And sporting equipment,

And I don't like the way He looks at little richie.

Well, that doesn't sound Like my dog.

My dog is a sweet, gentle, Playful little puppy.

Carl...

Around you, He's benji.

Around us, he's cujo.

Well, he'll grow out of it. He's....

He's still adjusting To his new surroundings.

Carl, he's a big dog,

Too big to be pent-up In the house all day.

He needs room to run And play.

Well, I-I take him To the park.

Carl, he's an active Outdoor dog.

He needs to live in the country. Not in the city.

Well, we'll...

We'll sell the house And buy a farm.

Carl, come on.

Well, does everybody Feel this way?

Yes.

Definitely. Yup.

Well, alright, I'll Find him a nice home,

But please let me be The one to break it to him.

I didn't want To mention this,

But he's not crazy About the rest of you.

Well, big guy, I guess you And I got to say goodbye.

Ohh.

I know, I know.

Hey, but this is Hard for me, too.

But I made a few Phone calls,

And I found you A real nice home.

It's in the country.

You'll have somebody To take you hunting...

Fishing.

A lot of space For you to dig holes

And...Chase rabbits,

And a whole forest For you to chew on.

That sounds okay, right?

I'm really going To miss you, too, pal.

It's been nice knowing you.

Well, I just dropped Mickey off at his new home.

How did it go?

There was a lot of whimpering And sniffling.

Yeah, but how did Mickey take it?

Okay, I guess, but he's sure Going to miss me.

I'm sure going To miss him.

Aw.

Dad, you were right.

Having a pet is A big responsibility.

Yeah. At least you found Mickey a good home.

And you still Have us.

Hi, everybody.

I could've sworn I locked that door.

You did. I took the liberty Of making my own key.

What do you want, steve?

You mean Besides laura?

I noticed From my window

That you got rid Of your dog. Wise choice.

But knowing how Important it is

For every man To have a pet,

I brought You this.

Oh, an ant farm.

I don't see any ants.

Oh, you have to Send off for them,

But, don't worry. I knew this was an emergency,

So I brought you some From my own personal supply.

There are 5,000 in there, Including a pregnant queen.

You see, there she--

No! Oh, no! Aah! Aah!

Oh!

Your majesty,

Your majesty.