Original subtitles

Aunt rachel, Could you please hurry up?

Somebody might see me Like this.

Stand still.

Besides, you look Kind of cute.

That's it. I'm taking this thing off.

Your mother wants to wear this Tonight. I'll be done.

The dress is bad enough. But This push up bra is killing me.

Oww!

Oh. Sorry. It's just a little pin.

Darn. That was The last one.

Don't move. I'll be right back.

Edward.

Dad.

Son, I think it's time We had a little talk.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Mom, we got to talk.

Clean your room. Talk later.

I want my room As I like it.

That room belongs To your father and me.

We're letting you use it Till you go to college.

If I clean it, Can I go to the dance?

I told you no.

Is that Your final word?

It was my final word Last month, last week,

And until you're 15, And that's final.

Aunt rachel, how old Were you when you Started dating?

Oh, gosh, honey. I waited a long time.

I didn't have my first date Until 10 or 11.

Mom.

No.

Hi.

Hi, baby.

Daddy's home!

I missed you So much today.

I missed you, too.

By the way, can I go To a party saturday?

Sounds great. Have fun.

Carl, she's 13. She's too young to date.

When eddie was 13,

You let him take Brenda jackson Roller-skating.

That was a date.

That's true.

Yeah, and eddie Hasn't been the same since.

That's also true.

You know, mom, In some countries,

Girls get married At 13.

Sure...And they die At 30.

You want to die young? Go to the dance.

Was that a yes?

No. I think that was A threat on your life.

Mom just doesn't Understand me,

But you do.

You're the greatest dad In the whole wide world.

I know what You're trying to do.

It's working?

Yeah.

I'll go talk to her.

Honey.

Uh-huh?

We ought to let laura Go to the party.

Carl, she's 13.

If she's starts Dating now,

She'll get serious, He'll get serious,

And then they both get serious And that's serious.

Harriette, will you Get serious?

This is a dance.

She's got to be home By 10:00.

It's not a good idea.

Honey, her friends Are going. Let her go.

To make you feel better,

I'll have the squad car Check on her every hour.

Carl, if you want Her to go, fine.

Remember, I'm dead set Against it.

Aw, thank you, honey.

I'm glad we agree On this.

* every step I take *

* you will be there *

* every step I make *

* we'll be together.. *

Laura, Close that book.

The dance Is tomorrow.

Let's get You a date.

Forget it. It's too late.

The good guys are taken.

Hey, there's Your brother.

He's so cool.

My brother...Cool?

You are A sick person.

Hey, sis.

Want to sit With us, eddie?

Penny, penny, Penny.

I'm in high school now.

I can't be seen sitting With seventh graders.

I was just kidding. I'm a great kidder.

I thought I should warn you.

Steve urkel's outside.

He's going to ask you To the dance.

Hey, That's great.

You really think I would go out With steve urkel,

The mouse eater?

The kid eats one mouse, And he's branded for life.

You're just Building your reputation.

You can't afford to date guys With mice on their breath.

Wow. Your brother's Good-looking and smart.

Why do want me To go with urkel?

You wouldn't.

True, But I have a date.

You waited too long To put yourself On the market.

Face it, girl. You're at The sale table.

Not urkel, Not now, not ever.

Well, Don't look now,

But he's coming This way.

Hi, laura.

I hear you can't Get a date for the dance,

So you want To go with me?

Take a hike, urkel. She'd rather eat worms.

Okay. Some other Time then.

Look. There's Mark newhouse.

Don't look.

You can forget mark.

He'll ask Jo beth hensley.

How do you know?

If you paid More attention In study hall

Instead of studying,

You'd know These things.

I don't believe This is happening to me.

If I don't Get a date,

I'll be humiliated.

Don't get upset. We'll find somebody.

Did I mention my dad Knows wayne newton?

Make him go away.

Get out of here, goat-face.

Excuse me.

Finish your Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprouts Make me want to puke.

At my table, Eat them.

What you do On your time Is your business.

I know this dance Is a big moment In your life,

So I'll make Your dress,

Something with puffy sleeves. What do you think?

I think you can save yourself The trouble.

Nobody's asked me To the dance.

Well, honey, I'm sure Somebody will.

Rachel's right. There's Plenty of boys out there

Trying to get The courage to call you.

That phone will Ring any minute.

That's right. You're right.

Are we going To wait long?

Nobody's Ever going to call.

I go through this Every dance.

I know when A dance is coming up.

The phone goes dead.

See, carl, I told you

She's just too young For this dating thing.

Rachel, you make That dress.

Laura will get a date. I guarantee it.

Hello. Mr. Urkel?

Yes. Carl winslow.

Right. Remember, We met at the pet shop.

You were buying mice.

Right.

Well, listen, I need a little favor.

Does your son steve,

By any chance, Happen to have a date

To the party Tomorrow night?

Oh, no?

Well, listen...

Are you okay?

Not really. I'd like to be alone.

I understand.

You're putting yourself Under a lot of pressure.

So what if you don't Have a date for the dance?

I can tell you From years of experience

Dating's no big deal.

Say what?

Well, it's very overrated.

I mean, think about it. What is a date?

Two very nervous people

Trying to think Of cool things to say

So one doesn't think The other one's stupid.

Be thankful Nobody called.

That's the biggest crock

I've ever heard In my life.

Okay, look.

I know you have A crush on mark newhouse.

If you want him To take you,

Call him And ask him.

What if he doesn't wanna Go with me?

Then you'll look Like a fool.

That's why I can't call him.

No guts, no glory.

I'm going To shoot some hoops.

Laura...

Any guy who wouldn't Go out with you

Isn't good enough For you anyway.

Thanks, eddie.

Hello, mark?

This is laura winslow.

Look, I may be risking Humiliation here,

But...

Do you want to go to The dance with me or what?

Okay. Here's the party girl.

Ohh!

Laura, you look Beautiful!

What about the dress?

Wait a minute. That looks familiar.

When we were kids,

Didn't you make That for your Betsy-wetsy doll?

Yeah. To put this on,

We didn't have to take Laura's arms off.

A loose thread.

Mom!

Why did you do that?

I didn't know it was A tear-away dress.

What am I gonna do? I can't go To the dance like this.

I can fix it. Get me some thread.

Hurry. She doesn't Have much time.

She would if someone Didn't pull the threads.

You don't see me yanking Other people's threads.

I know why Threads are there--

To keep the dress on.

Get upstairs!

Hi, honey.

Hi, babe. Dinner's going to be late.

I'm helping laura Get ready.

Oh, she got a date.

I had a feeling That would happen.

So did steve-- Uh...A boy call?

Yes. She's Getting ready now.

[doorbell rings]

Get that. I'll help rachel.

Hi, mr. Winslow.

I'm steve urkel.

Is laura ready For the dance?

Yeah, steve. Come right on in.

She'll be right down.

I have to tell you, Mr. Winslow,

When dad said You'd fixed me up With laura,

Why, I thought I'd wet my pants.

I've been Crazy about her

Since the first grade,

But she always thought I was a freak.

Go figure.

Well, I didn't know She felt that way.

Nice flowers.

Yeah, thanks.

On the way over, I Stopped by the cemetery.

Why not go In the kitchen

And wash the roots?

Good idea, mr. Winslow.

Nice house for a cop.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

What have I done?

Laura?

Sweetheart?

You're, uh...

Date is here.

He's here?

Stall him. I gotta Put this dress back together.

I can't work Under this kind of pressure.

Hey, dad. This is tyrone.

Nice to meet You, tyrone.

He's taking laura To the dance.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa.

What do you mean,

He's taking laura To the dance?

I felt sorry for her.

I gave tyrone 10 bucks to take her.

I set her up With urkel.

The mouse eater?

He eats mice?

Well, It's probably Just a rumor.

Does she know He's taking her?

Of course she does.

Has anyone actually Seen him eat a mouse?

I've better things To do than watch Steve urkel eat.

What about tyrone? I already gave him The 10 bucks.

Now, that dress Looks even better.

You look Wonderful, honey.

Thanks, mom.

Hey, laura. Look who's here.

Tyrone.

Oh, hi, tyrone.

He's your date For the night.

No, he's not.

Yes, he is. I gave him 10 bucks.

You hired tyrone To take me To the dance?

Oh, eddie.

Oh, eddie!

Eddie, I don't Need charity.

I can't believe You did this.

Your sister was right. She can find her own dates.

But, dad--

I don't want to hear Another word about it.

Eddie was just trying To do something nice.

[doorbell rings]

Hi. I'm mark newhouse.

Mark, come on in.

Well, what Is he doing here?

Dad, mark is my date.

Your date?

Yes, carl. Her date.

Why do you think She's been getting All dressed up?

Well, better Get going, kids.

Don't want to miss The big dance.

Have a good time.

Hi, laura.

These are for you.

Wow! Are you Wearing a bra?

Who are you,

And why are those flowers Dripping on my floor?

I can explain this.

You called laura To ask her out, right?

Why should I?

My dad said you Set it all up.

You did what?

Well, honey--

I can't believe this. I've never been So embarrassed.

But, laura, I...

Thank you, What's your name, sugar?

Steve.

Steve and tyrone,

We won't be Needing you tonight.

Come on, tyrone. Let's bail. Date's over.

Laura, want to talk?

Mom, do you Have any idea how Humiliating this is?

Laura, your father And eddie acted Like fools,

But they meant well.

They paid guys To go out with me.

I'm sure your father Didn't pay steve a cent.

This is the worst day Of my life.

Laura, you Should be happy.

A very nice boy Asked you to the dance.

Mark didn't ask me. I asked him.

You did?

Oh.

Well, he said yes.

That should Tell you something.

Mom, he and his girlfriend Had a fight.

He was on the rebound.

He probably would've Gone with anybody.

Mom, what's wrong With me?

Nothing. There's Nothing wrong with you.

You're smart. You're funny.

You have A great personality.

Great personality?

Oh, I get it. I'm ugly.

You're not ugly. You're beautiful.

Then why didn't mark Ask me out himself?

Boys are Scared to death,

Just like you.

But that Will change.

Mom, dating is hard.

Honey, it's hard For everyone.

It took your father Six weeks

To get the courage To ask me out,

But I'm glad he did.

Now come on.

You go in there And go with mark.

I think He likes you.

How can you tell?

I'm a mother.

I have a feeling About these things.

Thanks, mom.

Dear lord, please, Let this boy like her.

You still want to go To the dance with me?

Sure.

You know, I'm glad you called.

I've liked you For a long time.

Goodnight, mom.

Goodnight, kids. Have a good time.

Ahem.

Don't be late.

Laura, laura, I got it!

Rachel, rachel! What?

She's gone.

She can wear that On her next date.

[humming]

Hope you don't mind If I stay a while.

My parents told me To stay out Till 10:00.

Got any cheese?

So, how was my Little girl's first date?

It was okay.

Well, now, that's it, Just okay?

Well, for about Three hours,

Guys stood on one Side of the room,

Girls on the other.

Mostly, I Talked to penny.

Which I could have Done here.

Didn't you dance at all?

A little. With 15 minutes left,

Mark finally got Enough nerve To ask me.

Then we had fun.

I'm looking forward To being older

When boys Are braver.

Well, sweetheart...

If they get too brave, You let me know.

Okay, dad.

And, sweetheart...

I am real sorry About what I did tonight.

That's Alright, dad,

But the next time You feel like Fixing me up,

Do me a favor, Picture steve urkel.