Original subtitles

What's all the noise?

Noise? This happens To be 60's music.

The greatest dance music Of all time.

We had the pony.

We had the mash potatoes.

And the grand daddy Of them all, the twist.

That was invented By that guy, chubby domino.

Chubby checker.

Watch. I'll show you. It's all in the hips.

See, it's like drying yourself With the towel.

Come on. Just do everything That I do.

This is fun.

Now, watch This tricky move.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no.

Harriette! Harriette!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say is Even harder to find *

* well, then, there must Be some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see *

* is a tower of dreams *

* real love bursting Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you, Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

You are not going To believe what Happened today.

I still don't believe it. It's just unbelievable.

Well, tell us, and we Won't believe it, either.

Bert is gone.

The best partner I ever had

Just up and quit The force.

Why?

He wanted to pursue His dream.

He's opening up A doughnut shop?

No. He moved To hollywood

To write that screenplay He always talked about.

Sounds like bert.

Hey, I'm happy For him.

But meanwhile, While he's out In sunny california,

Breaking into Show business,

I'm stuck here, Breaking in A new partner.

You'll like your partner Once you get to know him.

That's the problem. It's not a him, It's a her.

Carl, That's terrific.

A policewoman? Just like mom was.

That's cool, dad.

Well, it sounds Great in theory,

But when my life Is on the line,

I want a man to back me up, Not some woman I'd have to protect.

Yeah. Next thing you know, They'll want To play football.

What makes you think A woman cop

Can't protect Herself or you?

Well, they're A lot smaller, For one thing,

They can't run As fast,

And they lack Upper body strength.

Well, I loosened it For you.

I don't believe it.

My own father Is a chauvinist.

Chauvinist? I thought we Were baptist.

Rachel, can you get me The furniture polish?

Sure. Just as soon as I finish this chapter.

Love's burning fury.

Rachel, not another Trashy romance novel.

Honey, when you Ain't got it,

You read about it.

Can I borrow it When you're through?

Good evening, ladies.

How you doing?

How's your New partner?

Not bad. Not bad at all

Our first call was A liquor store holdup.

Vanessa tackles the guy And holds him down.

So women cops are okay, huh?

I have to admit,

She's going To work out fine.

Where's My bowling shirt?

In the laundry room.

Not only is vanessa A good cop,

But she's A weight lifter, And she bowls.

Just like one of the guys.

She's taking Bert's place on The bowling team.

She'll be in To pick me up in a few minutes.

Boy, carl sure has changed His mind about vanessa.

Yeah. She sounds Like robocop.

[door bell]

Hi. I'm vanessa greer, Carl's new partner.

This is the winslow House, isn't it?

Yes. Come on in. I'm harriette.

Oh, of course, Happy to meet you.

Carl talked about you All day.

Oh. This is my sister Rachel and carl's Mother.

Wow.

Ah, vanessa! Right on time.

I love a prompt partner. Did you meet everybody?

Oh, yeah. We met.

Well, let's go.

Yeah, because I'm Feeling hot tonight.

Yeah. Me, too.

Whoo, whoo, Whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo! Strike force! Strike force!

Hope to see you all again soon.

Well... She seems very nice.

Uh-huh.

I mean it's good to see Carl and she getting Along so well.

Uh-huh.

That woman Is gorgeous.

Plenty of Upper body strength.

Really? I didn't notice.

Uh-huh.

Great breakfast, Mom.

Thanks, sweetie.

See ya after My piano lesson.

Hey, it's your turn To clean up.

I cleaned up last time.

No, you didn't.

Okay. I'll flip it For you.

Heads, you clean up, Tails, I don't.

Wait a minute.

Okay.

Heads. You clean up. See ya.

Man, I always lose The coin toss.

What a beautiful day!

Morning, baby.

I fixed your favorite, Blueberry pancakes.

Oh, thank you, honey, But I'm trying To cut down.

I'll just have little coffee-- No cream, no sugar.

What you all Spiffed up for?

Nothing, mama. Just a routine stakeout.

Sitting in a car for 12 hours Drinking cold coffee.

When you used to go on Stakeouts with bert,

You always wore your Gumby t-shirt And old blue jeans.

Well, vanessa has made me Realize

A police officer should Always look his or her best.

Oh, I'm sure vanessa Always looks her Or his best.

Yeah, and she's such Good company, too.

We have so much In common.

Like what?

Well, we're both Into physical fitness.

Do the other cops Like her, too?

They love her. She's an asset To the force.

Oh, we noticed her assets The minute she walked in.

Now, rachel, that Was a sexist remark.

Now just because a woman Happens to be good-looking

Doesn't mean that she can't Be an outstanding Police officer.

So, you notice She's good-looking.

But, mama, I'm a police officer.

We're trained To notice everything.

Quit it you two.

I'm happy carl has A good relationship With his partner.

Aw, thank you, honey.

Vanessa and I are Just two cops doing our job.

When I look at her, All I see is a uniform.

The way I feel about vanessa Is strictly professional.

Do these pinstripes Make me look thinner?

Yeah. I can hardly see you.

Thanks. Bye.

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just because carl is Going to be spending

All that time In a parked car

With that Gorgeous younger woman,

No reason For you to worry.

I'm not worried. Of course, not.

Why should you be? For any normal man,

This would be An incredible Temptation.

Fortunately, we're Talking about carl.

Thank goodness There were no cops Like vanessa

When my sam Was on the force.

Mother winslow. Hmm?

I trust carl.

Sure you do, sugar. I trusted my sam.

He was a good man. Carl's a good man.

But we don't Know anything About vanessa.

She may be A sex-crazed vixen.

[paula abdul video Plays on television]

[television goes off]

Why is eddie staring At the tv? It's off.

I turned it off For his own good.

He was watching another Paula abdul video.

Yeah. That girl Can really move.

I remember when I could move like her.

Now I just read.

Eddie?

I give him One more minute,

Then I'm hosing him down.

Ooh. I didn't know Rachel had such Exotic tastes.

She doesn't. That's mine.

So, carl Not home yet?

He's still On that stakeout.

Out all night, Five nights in a row?

Four nights, And he's working.

Of course he is.

Don't worry About a thing.

Carl doesn't need to Go out looking for love.

He gets plenty at home.

Harriette, We all know how much Carl loves you,

But putting any man Next to vanessa

Is like putting a kid In a candy shop.

And we know how much Carl loves candy.

Okay. That's it. Enough is enough.

I trust carl. He's out working,

Not out with some bimbo In a sleazy motel.

Looks like a key.

Looks Like a motel key.

"Room 3, Louie's love grotto."

Uh-huh.

Louie's love grotto?

There's some Reasonable explanation

For carl Having this key.

Sure there is. Maybe they're Not his pants.

There's a twinkie In the pocket.

So much For that theory.

Maybe it has something To do with the stakeout.

They're supposed to be Staked out in a car, Not a motel.

Car, motel-- What's the difference?

A vibrating bed.

Look, carl's A good husband.

He's never given me Any reason to doubt him.

If he's at Louie's love grotto With vanessa,

I'm sure there's Nothing going on...

"Ask about Our hourly rates."

And I'm going Down there to prove it.

Gin.

What? Not again.

Maybe gin Isn't your game.

How about a little Go fish?

Great.

Carl, I want you To know something.

I wasn't thrilled With the idea

Of having A male partner

Because I'm always Getting hassled Or hit on,

But with you, I feel comfortable.

[telephone rings]

[ring]

[ring]

Yo!

Oh. Hiya, phil.

No. No sign Of them yet.

Huh? Okay.

Phil says your microphone Keeps cutting in and out.

Phil, Can you hear me?

Phil, Are you in there?

Must have come Loose.

Here. Better take a look.

Uh, yeah. Right. Hold on.

Okay. Alright. Now, let's go Over the plan.

We get the diamonds.

I check them out, Then give the signal--

"They look real to me."

Phil, just make sure When you hear the signal,

Come in fast. Okay.

Phil says we're coming in Loud and clear.

Okay, see you.

Do me a favor.

Loop this through, So I'll stay put.

Oh, sure. Okay.

[doorknob rattles]

They're here.

My twistoflex is caught In your cross-your-heart.

Carl!

Harriette!

Wow!

What are you Doing here?

What are we doing here? What are you doing here?

We're working.

Oh, that's A new name for it.

Stay out of this.

Carl, how could you?

For 20 years, I've given you All my love and trust,

And you repay me

By sneaking off to Louie's love grotto with this--

This-- Cheap floozy.

Cheap floozy.

Who are you Calling cheap?

Look. Wait a minute.

Harriette, We're on stakeout, Just like I told you.

I guess you forgot To mention the motel.

That was phase one, This is phase two.

What's phase three?

I think that's the part We came in on.

Look. My hand Just got stuck

Fixing Vanessa's microphone.

She's wired To tape the buy.

Look.

Here's the money We'll use

To buy the stolen Jewelry.

Some very bad guys are going to Be herein any minute.

Whoops.

Boy, harriette, When you are wrong,

You are really wrong.

Seems to me I had a little help.

I don't care Whose fault it is.

You're in danger. I want you out now.

[knock on door]

They're here. Get in the bathroom,

And don't make a sound.

Alright. Okay.

Mama!

Carl otis winslow!

Carl, what's Your mother doing--

Hush, hussy.

Carl, Have you lost your mind?

Harriette's On her way down here now.

When I think of that Poor trusting woman

And your three Innocent children!

Oh, are your kids Coming, too?

Homewrecker!

Mother winslow!

Harriette! Rachel!

You should see The size of That hot tub.

You could fit A whole football Team in there.

Ooh!

Carl winslow, You go straight home.

You are grounded for The rest of your life.

Mama, vanessa and I are In the middle of a sting.

Now, would you all Please just leave?

Right now. I want you out right n--

And--and, uh...

Don't--don't come back

Until you bring me The money you owe me.

Nobody's going anywhere.

Uh, hey, baby. It's jake And high top,

Right on time.

Hey, big man. Nice suit.

Pinstripes Make you look thinner.

Hey, mama, What's happening?

I am not Your mama, sonny.

I'm his mama.

That's cool, baby.

Who is this?

You're one Fine-looking lady.

I work out.

Me, too.

Uh...Well, my girls Were just leaving.

Yep. Got to go.

Nobody's leaving!

Or we could Just hang around.

Hey, hey. Look. They cool, okay?

Let's just Make the trade.

You got the cash, We got the stash.

Wow! What did you guys do, Rob a jewelry store?

Rachel, get over here.

Ooh, this is fresh.

There's some Beautiful Merchandise.

Yeah. Where did you Get them?

Lake shore drive, baby.

Nothing but the best.

So we got a deal? Oh, yeah...

Because they look real To me.

Trust me. They're real.

They look real To me, too.

What's going on here?

Oh, no, I mean, you know,

Because they really Look real...To me.

Really.

Something's wrong. Let's get out of here.

You're under arrest.

It's a bust!

Get off!

What? What? Get off!

Get off!

Whoo!

Nice move, mama.

You should have known me When I had two good hips.

You two should have Seen your grandmother.

She was great.

Wow. I guess dad and vanessa Were lucky you came Along, grandma.

Your grandpa sam Taught me that Jujitsu move.

It works every time.

Show us how you Did it, grandma.

You can demonstrate On eddie.

No way.

Kids, go to bed.

I wanted to wait For dad.

If I have to tell you once more, I'll sic your grandma on you.

I'm out of here.

What happened tonight Would make a great novel.

You could call it Kung fu mama.

Will you two stop it? This is serious.

We made total fools Of ourselves.

Speak for yourself.

I'm up for A commendation.

We almost blew The whole operation.

Somebody could have Gotten hurt,

Plus we really Embarrassed carl.

Oh, harriette. Don't be So hard on yourself.

So your insane jealousy Clouded your good judgment

And drove you to an act Of desperation.

I'm sure carl Will forgive you...

Eventually.

Oh, sure he will.

In the future, Harriette,

Try to have a little more Faith in my carl,

And don't be So quick to jump To conclusions.

I didn't jump, I was pushed.

Maybe I did fan The flames a little.

Guess I've been reading

Too many of those Trashy romance novels.

Why don't you two Go to bed?

I'm too wired To sleep.

Me, too.

Let's ring some Doorbells and run.

Well...

We finally Got them booked,

And get this.

The one That mama flipped

Is claiming Police brutality.

Carl, listen.

I can't tell you How sorry I am.

I mean I feel terrible That I doubted you.

Well...

To tell you the truth, I'm kind of flattered.

I mean for you to be jealous After all these years

Kind of does something Good to the old ego.

No. I really am sorry.

I was fine Until I saw the key,

And then I lost it.

Harriette, don't you Know that you are The only woman

In the world for me?

I love you. I love you, too.

I wish there was Something I could do

To make it up to you.

Ah, well...

There's always Louie's love grotto.

We have the room Till tomorrow noon.

I'll race you To the hot tub.