Original subtitles

Your discretion is advised.

All right, the happy couple is three minutes out.

This is so romantic.

This lady has no idea she's about to adopt a kid and get her pose to on the same date.

Couple goals.

Yeah, wow.

But every woman wants to take care of two living things until they die.

What a great way to start a marriage.

Through deception.

I had Maya's ring in a cupcake.

And then I forgot about it and they ate it.

And then I went to the hospital.

Okay, please just pee.

Oh, good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

They're here.

They're here.

Glad we didn't overcomplicate this.

Jessica broke up for me in the parking lot.

Congratulations!

This is bad, Kranz.

You know, you're soaking, you're drawing, you make a mistake, you scrub it off the

tub, you fall asleep, you're drowning two inches of water.

Sorry.

I finished that story the way I wanted it to end.

Hey, guys, I've gotten a few calls about a deceased

raccoon in the middle of foils to nap near Olive Road.

Can you pick him up?

Starting the morning with a splat.

We're on it.

You're a scooped a splatter.

You won't be a bad dude.

If it's a flat splat, I'll scoot.

They're actually kind of fun.

It's like peeling off nail polish.

Okay, you guys realize you're still on the radio, right?

No, we're not.

I still got my finger on the button.

Yeah.

It's just a little too soon, guys.

The raccoon had a family.

It's just a shout tool.

You can't take the heat and you get out of the kitchen.

Well, I'm trying to, but you keep falling down the button.

You've got me on it.

So, a volunteer said that the donkey got spooked

when a patient rang the gun with chemotherapy.

Huh.

Hope this isn't contagious.

Hello there, you rough draft of a horse.

There you go.

Nice.

Just play stick.

Nothing good on the TV.

And what the hell is it screaming?

It can't be.

It's definitely him.

Yeah.

What happened, Dad?

Nothing.

I just love hanging around in hospitals.

I had a heart attack.

You have boob?

Papa Sean, no.

Are you okay?

I'm gonna be fine.

Shoot.

Maybe a second opinion.

You can ask your new girlfriend here.

There's a classic Shaw family love language.

Hey, I'm gonna call Patrick.

I assume you were too bad.

proud to notify any of the other children.

I'm not proud of anything involving my children.

You know, it's weird to summon with a charcoal pro

cat for a heart could even have a heart attack.

Yeah, a lot of love being hurled around in here.

Can you get that ass out of my room?

You're gonna have to be more specific.

Just a look on that dead raccoons face.

He was like... No, he was more like skid.

Hey, for example, I have some bad news.

Somehow all of the food that was donated for

your community outreach event caught on fire.

What?

What?

How does that even happen?

Yeah, well, we think it might have been a spark from an electrical wire.

I mean, Roman's contractors really cut a lot of corners putting this place together.

Also, his crew had the worst cat cooling game.

Lot of repeats.

Yeah, I do agree with that.

Luckily the fire was contained, but yeah, all the food is obviously ruined.

I need all that kibble.

We open up the kennel on Wednesdays to give away free food to the public.

What am I supposed to do?

Just like sit there and take in the frowns and the disappointment like I'm at home?

Well, I was just restocking when you still have money in the outreach budget.

right?

Yeah, that's a good point.

I don't have any of the money.

I blew through all of it for the step and step.

I should have cut those swag bags.

Again, still holding down the button.

You just have to get creative.

I'll help you.

Thanks.

Did you start the fire?

Accidentally, yeah, I started the fire, but I was smoking weed in there.

So let me get this straight.

You were getting high by the dry goods at the place where you work.

I wasn't getting high.

It was one joint.

What do you care you to get me a cheeseburger?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

I brought you a kind of lily.

It's mom's favorite.

I said you get those as the same drugs to you by your tampons.

Thanks for coming.

He needed a fresh target.

Good news, Mr. Shaw.

You're never to stabilize, so we're going to discharge you.

Oh, hey.

I think you're going to begin.

You sure you don't need to keep them for like a month or two?

Yeah, we'll sign off on any unnecessary exams approach.

The nurses have made it very clear if we don't

discharge them as soon as possible, they will strike.

Wow.

Fan from it.

Denny's a church in our hospital.

Kind of on a hot street.

Whatever.

I'm going home.

A little miss.

You get my trousers and look away.

You should make a full recovery, but I don't need to be more than others.

I suggest you stay with one of you for the week.

Not it.

No, no.

The black paper says it's not a five.

Rock paper says a shoe.

Rock paper says a shoe.

Rock paper says a shoe.

This is our father that we're talking about.

You're right.

This isn't a game.

First one to the medical waste being around the corner wins.

Okay.

I don't agree with anything that brought us here, but I love a competition.

On your marks.

And...

Yeah, only because I got dored.

Doesn't matter, because you have to do that.

You have to do that.

Oh.

I don't know how to work this crap.

Yeah.

That's the idea.

Keep you distracted for a couple hours.

I almost forgot if you need anything.

Anything at all.

Whistle for Frank.

Here we go, Mr. Shaw.

Keep this kid from messing around back there.

Are you trying to take my wallet?

I took your wallet and keys.

And as fun as it would be to watch Docs as you can't drive.

So I'm stuck in this frickin' dump?

Okay.

Well, as the order of this house, don't feel like a strong word.

I mean, have you seen the new backsplash?

Scooter, munchkin.

Here is your landlord.

How are you still renting in your age?

Well, you could stay at my place, Dan, but

remember the condom board deemed you as undesired.

Hey, hey, hey.

Why don't you knuckleheads go and get my sweater back at the house?

The blue one.

I cannot do it, but I'm still at work.

I got an active DUI check going right now.

Dad, goodbye.

Frank?

Turn it off my phone.

Tread the backsplash is amazing.

I need my sweater.

I'm not driving to your house to get your sweater.

You can borrow one of mine.

Oh, just give me a second to find the EHES one.

All right, I'll pick it up during lunch.

Unless you want to have an even bigger heart attack right now.

And just be done with it.

Now?

All right, there we go.

And Mr. Shaw, these lights are on a dimmer if that helps you relax.

Maybe we can still give this away if we just say it's been slow-roasted?

Yeah, yeah, these carcinogens probably taste great.

Hi.

Sorry, the donation center is temporary close.

We are out of inventory right now.

And actually, like, to make a donation, I don't need this food anymore.

My cat passed away.

Oh.

Well, let me just take this moment to say.

Your cat has amazing timing.

Thank you.

Say for your loss.

We need pet food, but you know who doesn't?

That pet.

Wait, I hope you're not suggesting that we kill pets.

No, but I think I have a plan.

Yeah, now I got to check in with my dumb dad every couple of hours.

Because of a major cardiac event you experienced.

He's gonna outlive us all.

He told me that on my 10th birthday.

And now he's out of my house, probably rifling through all my stuff.

Hey, where it is going to find your diary.

It's a captain's log.

And he's never going to find him.

I haven't hidden behind... Oh, nice try.

What's that wrestling set?

Is that potato chips?

No, that would be crinklier.

No, no, Frank is stress-eating sugar-free gummy worms right now.

Look, I've been running my teeth lately.

It's a dissolvable bite guard, okay?

You know the sweet treats you need, buddy.

It's tough taking care of an aging parent.

It really is.

Your mom's like 45, whatever.

Actually, my mom just turned 50.

And I can't wait to take care of her.

She's gonna be such a fun roommate.

She really is.

Yeah, the aging parents can be tough.

Not for me personally.

I got all these siblings and cousins.

I'm never gonna have to worry about it.

Yeah, my sister's on the hook for our parents.

Cause she's a hospice nurse.

So she's like really sweet about her so...

Yeah, they're gross.

They're both lucky.

Hi, Emily.

Hey, Frank, your dad is here?

What?

Look, he senses he like the predator.

My best advice is to cover yourself in mud and don't move.

He's been strongly requesting his sweater.

I offered him my office card again and he said he does not like balloon sleeves.

You have my permission to put him down.

I want to watch the American game.

Okay, yeah, we can set you up on the iPad until Frank gets back.

And bring me my sweater dipstick.

Yeah, bring the sweater dipstick.

Sorry, Frank.

Don't look at me.

No pine tar players who weren't fat.

Baseball is not the same game.

Oh, oh.

Oh, sorry.

I can change that if you want to watch something else.

No, it's a good one.

Pay to a gem.

I get into a fight.

Whoa, are you telling me that you watch Hot Pursuit?

No, first I thought it was a cop show and then it got its looks at me.

It's literally my favorite dating show of all time.

We have to turn the volume up.

So the subtitles aren't you?

Definitely.

I can never understand what Jem is saying.

A donation like this would be a wonderful way to honor the memory of Rusty.

Yeah, now that he's crossed over the Rainbow Bridge,

his earthly positions can be put to good use.

I think Rusty would have liked that.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Oh, come here, you.

I know this is a difficult time, but may I ask, did you buy in bulk?

Hey.

Your answer is it?

There's another service starting and you look at the size

of the grape star, and you just know they spoiled their dog.

Please don't head before 5 p.m.

Thank you.

Watch out.

Oh, God.

Another great app.

Though, I don't know how they can legally call any of those things bathing suits,

but... Well, it's good that you have the show.

Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

Nothing.

It fills a void for you.

It's good.

Okay, well, you don't actually know that much about me.

Oh, it's a detective for 30 years.

I can draw a few conclusions.

Please don't.

You have a small bald spot in an irregular location on your scalp.

No.

You're a warrior, and you're a workaholic, and clearly you're not married,

based on that mithering ring finger.

Excuse me.

I am actually very happy with my life, and I am not in a rush for any of that stuff.

Well, part of the issue is how you dress.

What's with the blazer?

You win the masters?

The homeowner said she's been hearing the scuttling sound coming from up there for

the past two weeks, and she said it's less of a chug chug chug chug chug chug chug.

And more of a... Hmm.

By knowing, I don't know if it was an usual thing.

Hey, Emily.

Put me on speaker.

Hi, Frank.

Yeah, your father is a nightmare.

So it's condition of your church.

Sounds like you ain't six-ton.

Darm right.

I put him in the parking lot.

Isn't it about to ring?

Yes, so please come take him up.

I am going to go journal.

Bye.

What?

I'm sending a cat to dig into my house.

I'm not getting into some driverless robot car.

No, I said a cab probably driven by another half blind old man like you.

It's going to start raining.

I do just find an array.

It's the Vietcom.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

No, I'm not.

He's probably going to catch pneumoniae and then I'll be stuck with him indefinitely.

Him slowly fusing to the fabric and the carriage.

Me explaining what happened to the old host of Jeopardy.

That's my life forever.

Hey, you okay?

All right, you scared me a little bit.

I'm just going to take a closer look at the floor.

Frank, Frank, I only know how to do CPR on a dog.

I need to get up.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Had it, you done enough.

OMG, look who's here.

You remember Patel?

Victoria?

Emily.

Dude, I didn't hit my head.

We came as soon as we heard.

Well, as soon as we could make out what she was saying in between sobs.

Okay, guys, I'm fine.

Unless I'm not, of course.

Well, we're here for you, buddy.

You got a plan for the sherbet?

Oh, and don't worry.

Frank, your dad is okay.

I did.

He's down in the car and can I just say I am

surprised this is your first hard episode.

Mr. Shaw.

Good news.

Your EKG results are normal.

Yes.

You knew it, my heart is awesome.

Yours all suck.

It seems this incident was simply caused by excessive flatulence.

Well, thank you, Doctor, for waiting until on my

co-workers were present to give me that diagnosis.

Could we get that reported riding?

We'd love to frame it.

Have you had any sugar-free foods recently?

Yes.

My man was mainlining sugar-free gummy worms all day.

Well, that would do it.

We found high amounts of sorbetle in your blood, which

can contribute to chest pain and high levels of gas.

Yeah.

I was here when the nurse released it and I will never forget what I heard.

Stop.

Stop, listen, I don't usually eat this way.

I track all my money.

macros across three different amps.

I just wound a little tight today.

Well, today was a false alarm.

But with your family history of heart disease,

it's important that you manage your stress.

You know, I still have a lot to process, so I'm

going to have to ask all of you to leave the room.

Absolutely.

Of course, immediately.

Yeah.

No, we gotta go.

We gotta go right now.

We gotta go right now.

Okay, I just got a message from that family who buried their poodle.

Two bags of food and a gently used dog bed.

At this rate, I'm going to need a second shed.

Hey, guys, I just got a pretty weird call.

A man said that you were soliciting him during his cat's funeral.

No, we didn't mean to interrupt the service.

It was just a super long moment of silence.

What?

Actually, we brought them closure and scored a bunch of free stuff up to up.

Look, your job is very hard, but it has turned you into, and I say this with love,

soulless monsters.

Uh, soulless monsters with a can of full-end new dog bed.

Take a look at that, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Um, look, I'm a cool boss.

I am, everyone knows it.

I've been stalking about it, and I know that you guys use gallows humor to get

through the day, but this has gone too far.

I really think you need to talk to somebody about it.

You mean like an open mic?

Because I've been working on this joke about the headless rabbits we found.

You've heard of a headless head, but have you heard of it?

I don't want to hear the end of that.

No, I meant that there's a more healthy way to process

the sad things that you see on the job than making jokes.

Like therapy.

We don't need that.

We don't need that.

It's not good to bottle stuff up.

Look at Frank.

And how should we be like you?

Yeah, yelling at old guys, leaving the mat in monsoon.

Okay, fine.

Be miserable.

I don't really care.

Just don't let it affect your jobs anymore.

Okay.

That's a good plan.

I've heard of undressing people with your eyes,

but hugging people with your eyes is disturbing.

Hmm.

You really scared me today.

Everything scares you.

I can't say bloody married three times without you.

It's twice this year.

Don't do it.

And I'm serious, man.

Okay.

Your dad turns you into a stressed machine.

And it's only going to get worse as you get older.

So I brought somebody here that knows the thing or two about that.

I'll give you two a second along.

Someday they'll track a disease spreading to this very moment.

That is really cute.

It's adorable.

See, we feel stuff.

Yeah, we're not monsters.

We just don't dwell on the negatives.

Right.

If we were, we would look at that puppy over there and we might remember some things.

Yeah.

Like what happened on Route 12?

Route 12, I don't know if the guy remember that one.

Route 12 was the never-doodle puppy.

No, I know.

Of course, I remember I'm just pushing it down.

What was his name?

Splat?

No.

Seriously, I want to remember.

It wasn't splat.

It was burrito.

Burrito, that's right.

It was something pretty.

Stop.

I can feel you getting upset.

I don't want to get upset.

So we just stopped by.

I didn't know how to.

You remember the kittens and the well?

Alistair, paper, buttons, and cosplay.

I think about you.

You guys are staring at the child.

What's going on?

You haven't looked like a dog.

You haven't looked like a dog.

All right, I'm pulling you both from the field.

Cherish, this time.

I'm afraid that was a dog's going to be gone.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Everything's going to be there.

It's going to be therapy now.

I don't know, Bucky.

Doesn't he realize that you're supposed to mellow out with age?

I think he's getting even worse.

And because my family sucks, I'm going to be the one that has to take care of him.

And I just don't know if I can do that.

I mean, who's going to take care of me when I get old?

Because I'm all alone.

And I don't know if that's ever going to change.

You are surprisingly helpful to talk to.

Can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'd like to talk to you.

We need to try and find a way to make this work.

We need to take hours, or maybe even...

Listen, I'm just saying what a truth.

Like I understand that you've been through a lot these past few days.

So...

It's a wrong sweater, no nuts.

I said the blue one.

That is the one I like.

Not the cheap one you gave me for Christmas.

Color blind and stupid.

Get your family over here.

I'm all alone.

My wife vetoed all my baby names.

Uncle Barry Patel.

Who would have been a major league venture?

So, what have I got to say to get you to prescribe me the good stuff?

I think I let us down a weird path.

I'm not actually going to kill anyone.

You know, I was just asking if you would have to report it on a curiosity.

And you do after report it, which is good.

And why I asked.

I understand that giving a patient a letter great completely misses the point

of therapy, but if you were to give me a score out of 100 on how good I'm doing.

There's a couple of areas I don't want to unravel.

Love life, family, fear of mortality.

Oh, nothing about body or food.

Do it.

Every in and all new.

Going done.