Original subtitles

Remind me why we're in the middle of nowhere again?

A tip.

[As it turns out, a lot more than one tip]

Strange sightings

and odd animal behavior.

Might be a bio-weapons

testing site.

Umbrella?

That's my guess.

*inaudible*

We're approaching the location now.

Land us about a kilometer out.

Stand by.

Have I ever told you

I hate mansions?

[channeling of L4D Francis intensifies]

It's been brought up a few times.

Door.

Covered.

*sounds of chains on door jingling*

*door unlocks and swings open*

Clear.

You wanna take the creepy basement?

Ladies first.

Thanks.

Anytime.

I'll check upstairs.

Radio check-in every ten minutes.

Got it.

Find anything?

*radio beeps*

Not yet.

You?

Let there be...

Light!

*radio beeps*

Nice.

I'm still sifting through papers by flashlight here.

At least you have papers to sift through!

*radio beeps*

I, have alcohol.

*radio beeps*

Talk to you in ten.

And don't have too much fun in the mean time.

No promises!

*startled yelp*

What...?

Translated from tentaclese: "Pleasant greetings human! My name is Ted! Care to talk about tentacle-creature rights and the harmful stigma surroun-"

[Should I? Shouldn't I?]

[C'mon Jill you just met him!]

[Fuck it! Mama ain't raise no bitch!]

Dammit.

There's nothing here.

I hope Jill's having a better time.

Ohh my god!

Ohh yes!

Ohh yeah!

Ugh stick it in my fucking ass!

Ugh god!

Stretch my fucking holes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeah!

Fill my fucking holes!

Fill me!

Ravage my fucking insides with your cum!

The upstairs is a bust.

Any luck down there Jill?

*radio beeps*

JIll?

Jill? Are you there?

Is everything ok?

*Dick (tentacle?) guzzling intensifies*

*goo does the BIG pew pew*

Ahhh yeah!

Cover me in your fucking dirty seed!

*The Tentacle Creatures Anti-Defamation League would like it to be known that tentacle semen is no less hygienic than that of other species.

Ohh god!

Squirt that fucking dirty seed inside me!

*The TCADL would like to refer to the point it made earlier in this program regarding hygiene.

All the way into my stomach!

*goo does another even larger pew pew*

Uhh yeah uhhh

Fill me up you dirty fucking mess!

Ughh yes ohhhh fucking ruin me!

Make me your fucking cum dumpster!

Jill!?!?

Chris!?!?

Jill...

What happened back there?

I don't want to talk about it.

Did you really say...

"Make me your..."

You know...

*glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

Alright! *glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

*glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

Alright. *glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

*glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

Backing off. *glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

*glares in cock-blocked tentacle fucking enthusiast*

[Translated from tentaclese] Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Thats what I'm all about!