Original subtitles

It's so beautiful. Welcome.

Oh my gosh, you made it.

Come on in. Let me take this for you.

Welcome. The island is paradise.

And the pool.

Hello, gorgeous.

Um, Mrs. Nixon, I didn't expect to see you here.

She was just leaving, actually.

Tyler didn't tell me you were coming.

No, she was supposed to be gone like 30 minutes ago, right?

I was just leaving, darling.

I have a cousin who lives on the same island here, and I thought while I

her I could spend time with the two of you.

But... Okay.

I'm just leaving.

Even though I'm so jealous you kids have a pool.

It's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm almost 30 and she still refers to me as a kid.

My mom still calls me baby and I just turned 21.

Oh!

Well, happy belated birthday, baby.

Thanks.

Come on. She doesn't want to be called baby.

I'm sorry. My stepmom can just be so embarrassing sometimes.

Well, my dear, you get embarrassed over everything.

Remember? You wouldn't even bring your friends over to our house because you

thought your stepmom was just so old.

I guess I was just the epitome of uncool. Old and uncool is not what I

consider you, Miss Nixon. I would trade bodies with you right now if I could.

Oh, well, you're tight.

Little body.

Would you speak to me now? Enough?

Yikes. Okay, uh, so then.

Well, it's okay.

I'm just waiting for a text, and... Oh, there it is.

My taxi's here.

So, breakfast tomorrow morning? Yes? Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, that'd be nice.

Bye. See ya.

I'll let you two lovebirds have your privacy.

Oh my god, I am so sorry. My son -in -law can be so embarrassing sometimes.

you see what she was wearing? I don't think she has any idea.

Let's just enjoy this.

I agree.

I'm dying to go for a swim.

That's why, babe.

There's no neighbors.

Go for it, babe.

But later.

My silk dress will wrinkle if I leave it in that suitcase.

No, you stay. Enjoy.

I'll hang up your clothes and I'll be back in a minute.

You're amazing.

How could you ever repay me?

You know, it's been three

months. You know I've missed you, right?

You saw me last week.

But not privately.

God, Ivy. Ever since I booked this trip, I've just been waiting to see you at

your most natural... Well,

then.

Don't leave me waiting.

Oh! Oh my god! Hold on!

Mrs. Nixon!

Um, I just thought that I had left my sweater.

This is embarrassing.

Well, it could have been more embarrassing.

I mean, what are you doing here?

You're just frolicking around in the pool like a jaybird naked. I mean,

can see you.

It reminds me of a little story about Tyler.

You know, when he was a kid, and we were at the department store together, he

would run off, and all of a sudden, I would just hear girls screaming all over

the place in the department store because there he was, free as a jaybird,

naked, spritzing on perfume and lotion in the perfume counter.

I mean, you know, most would have died of

embarrassment and thanked his ass for the ordeal.

But, no, not me, of course.

I'm on stepmother of the year that day.

And do you want to know why?

I asked him, so which one do you prefer?

So he picked his two, and I asked the salesgirl to just go ahead and wrap it

for me to go.

One lotion and one eau de parfum.

Um, could you pass the towel behind you, please?

It would be just such a shame not to see that shape of yours,

how pink your nipples look, and to see

just how well you maintain that pretty bush of yours. Oh, Ivy, you're

such a hippie.

I'm sure that you have the most beautiful bush.

Oh, funny.

Tyler!

That's right.

Where did our boy Tyler go?

Um, to hang up my clothes from my suitcase.

Hmm.

That does sound like our boy.

Just so eager to please.

You know, I have been lingering around all day, just hoping to run into you.

Ever since you and Tyler...

Started getting serious. I've been wanting to get to know you more.

Because you do know we're very close. Oh, yeah.

He's mama's boy for sure. Can I have the towel, please?

He often tells me just how much more he loves me than his own birth mother.

Just God rest her soul.

I would love to meet your husband someday.

Tyler's dad.

My husband?

Sorry, but I feel he does disappoint you.

But Tyler is nothing like his plain and conservative father.

Yeah, it is so cold in this water, ma 'am.

Tyler, he's just so open -minded and progressive.

And then when I saw you and your hippie rags, I thought two things. One, I

needed to take you shopping.

And two...

That you and I would get along splendidly.

Just as my boy and I do.

Because you know what?

I want you to be my daughter.

Oh.

Wow.

But Tyler and me aren't even engaged.

But I do see him being a part of my life for a very long time.

I love him very much.

Hmm.

Would you love me as well?

Oh, yes, of course. But I would love you even more if you would hand me the

towel.

Oh, wow.

What are you doing?

Can you please hand me that towel?

God.

What are you still doing here?

Excuse me, Ivy.

We have to talk.

You said that you'd be gone before she got here, and now you're here? Why?

For her, stupid.

Are you so tense that you can't tell that your little girl over there looks

me up and down?

I think she wants a little taste.

Besides, I need some affection around here since I'm starved, lacking of

Shh, don't do this. I need you to behave yourself, please.

She's going to learn.

That I'm incapable of behaving, especially since you planned this little

for you to propose.

This is what's wrong with you. You need to cool off a little bit. You need to

allow me to have a normal relationship with a normal girl, please.

Don't insult me.

Besides, what is normal?

Normal just sounds so average.

And mediocrity is not in your future.

propose to her?

It's not like I'm going to be leaving you.

Is that what you think I'm concerned about?

I know you're incapable of leaving me.

I'm just asking that we modify our rules.

The rules are in place so I can lead a normal life. This is what you wanted.

I was never fully in agreement with those rules, so they can't stand anyway.

Everything okay?

Just fine, darling.

She's just leaving.

Oh, well, maybe she should be let in on our little agreement, you know, since

you plan on marrying her and all.

You know, she should know about our relationship.

I wouldn't have to disclose shit if you just keep your mouth shut.

About your mother?

Oh, God, I'm sorry. Don't be so sad, please.

You're so full of yourself.

What, you think I'm here for you?

Really, I'm here for her.

What do you mean?

I'll show you.

What are you doing?

No, no, no, no. Stop, stop.

Ivy.

What percentage of lesbian?

Are you?

Huh?

For example, from one to a hundred, one hundred being full as well, and one

being none at all.

Uh, I'm straight, I believe, sexually.

I've never had a relationship with a woman. Oh, dear.

Your modesty is more annoying than cute.

Here, I'll go first.

So I'm about 80.

I prefer to be in love with a man, but sex with a woman, oh,

it can be so much better.

When she's of the charitable kind.

You see, I like to take more than I like to give.

Excuse her, Ivy.

She just had a little too many mimosas. That's probably why she hasn't left yet.

But I could call you a cab, maybe take you to your cousin's house.

Right?

Oh, I'm as sober as a judge, but not as honest.

See, I have to admit, I really don't have a cousin living here.

What? What? See, I had to come up with a little white lie so I can get myself

down here and spend time with the two of you. You know, you and our boy here.

Wow, so you were planning on imposing on our hospitality.

Oh, sure, why not? We'll just roll out the red carpet for you, and we'll just

give you our nice vacation rental house, and just ruin our romantic getaway,

huh?

I knew you would.

Um, I'm not feeling so well, Tyler.

Darling? You ready?

I think I'd like to go home.

Don't go.

No, don't go. See, I'm... I'm here on a mission to get to know you better.

You know, it would have been really nice to coordinate this back in New York

with Tyler's job and my job.

I only really get to see him once a week and hardly ever when his roommates

aren't around.

You know what? I think that there's a lovely bed and breakfast right down the

road. How about I give them a call and see if they have any availability?

They have like a suite.

Surprise. It'd be good.

You would have me stay in a suite. Strange bed and breakfast in a strange

country with strange people?

Why can't you fit right in?

I should tell her.

Wait, are you threatening me?

Tell me what?

About our past.

See, Tyler and I have quite the history.

I've heard so much. Is there something I don't know?

Why are you so tense?

And to think all I wanted to do was to take our little Ivy shopping and maybe

share in that little jet you have in your guys' suite.

Okay.

Why don't you and me go shopping tomorrow?

I'll spend the whole day with you and then you'll leave us alone at night and

and Tyler can have a little privacy.

It's a compromise.

That sounds, uh, sounds alright.

So, Bridget, what do you say?

Oh, don't call me Bridget.

Call me... Mommy.

See, you two are as good as engaged after this trip anyway.

Oh, come on!

Oh!

She's joking.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, then.

Why should I stay at a different place, right?

If you two want to have sex, that is fine by me.

It's not like I haven't heard you before.

She's kidding, actually.

masturbation and stuff. You know, it was like a loose bed frame and whatnot. It

would hit against the wall and she thought it was the other thing.

It's really not your mind.

Oh, I don't mind her stories, actually. They're kind of hilarious. She told me a

pretty funny one about you naked in an apartment store.

Okay.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Respectfully. We'll have breakfast tomorrow, you know, as planned.

But you've got to go.

Do you know...

Well, Tyler was class president at his school when he was younger.

And one of the things that he did as class president was make up new rules.

Oh, such a good boy.

And to this day, he just loves making rules.

Um, rules?

Tell me.

No! That's enough!

I'm begging you.

Please.

Please.

Oh, gosh.

I've just... I've just never been so offended.

Insolent boy, after all that I've done for you.

Fine.

Okay, then.

You guys have fun.

All by yourselves.

I'll just get a company and stay myself out.

Fine.

Okay, sounds good. Love you, Mom.

I'm fine.

Sorry.

Why didn't you tell me that you invited your stepmom to our vacation?

I'm sorry.

Because she promised, promised that all she wanted to do was just surprise us

for dinner, like on our last night. That's it.

Why did she ask what percentage lesbian I was?

Because...

She says whatever comes to mind. She has no filter. She probably read some

bullshit thing in some magazine and tried to sound all enlightened and

progressive in front of you.

Bullshit.

She insulted my clothes.

Yeah, but, you know, she folded them really nicely. She obviously doesn't

they're rags if she were to do that.

You know, maybe she's just lonely and she's trying to find any excuse to hang

out with you.

I like any excuse to hang out with you.

She knows something I don't know.

Like the engagement thing?

Yeah.

I just told her how much I'm in love with you and how hopeless I am for you,

she just assumed... Oh.

Look,

hey.

She's gone. Just forget that she was ever here.

I think I know what could help you forget that she was ever here.

So, what rules?

I don't know what she was talking about.

I'm sorry. You know, she just hates sharing my time.

I'm all she has. You know, her first husband left her, and I fill that void.

You know, she married my dad, and of course he was attentive to her for the

first couple of years, but then he started a close relationship with his

secretary.

You know, if she doesn't love your dad and he doesn't love her,

why don't they get a divorce?

Because, look, neither of them really want it.

They never signed a prenup, so they're kind of tied together by money, and I

guess she's just content.

You know, as long as I keep her occupied.

I grew up in a big house. My dad was gone all the time. We just had each

You know, I think she's just looking for assurance that I'm not going to leave

her like every other man has in her life.

It just... It all seems so sad to me, and I just... I love you so much, and

I just... I can't imagine not wanting to feel that.

She has my love.

No, I'm talking about...

Romantic love.

Like what it feels to be head over heels in love with somebody.

I love you too.

No?

Alright.

No,

no. I'm sorry.

I just... I didn't have to ask. What?

What do you think about your dad cheating on her?

He knows full well of how I think about it. That's why we're not on speaking

terms.

I guess everyone's family is a little bit crazy, right?

You've met my parents.

They're pretty normal.

You know, one year ago today was the first day we made love.

I love how sentimental you are.

So...

Tomorrow, I'll spend time with your stepmom.

I think it would be good to give her a day anyway.

Spend some time with her.

She made you into the man that you are, and I've been thinking my

wardrobe is a little outdated, so it might not be that bad of an idea to go

shopping.

Dinner. And then come home to me?

Yes.

Alone.

Unless

she

seduces me and takes me over to her place.

Well, then I'm just going to have to find a way to persuade you to stay with

Just show me what you got.

Can you get in?

No. I'm sorry, I just... I got the impression that maybe she was...

into you.

I just... I don't know, like, the way that she looks at you and sometimes the

way that she talks to you, I just... I know it's weird.

No way.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Forgive me, forgive me.

I don't even know why I said that.

Wait.

The woman just exudes sexuality.

You know, my guy friends were so in love with her, I couldn't even bring them

back to the house.

There's just something about her.

A certain genetic one?

You have it too.

That's why I have to keep my eyes on you. I've got to watch you so no one

you away from me.

Especially my mom. She's worse than any man.

Oh, my God.

It's so good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's so good.

Yeah.

Oh my God, I want to come for you.

I'll be right back I'm gonna get in the pool