Original subtitles

I mean, all Tina knows about Christmas is seeing everybody else have a good

time. The way I see it, Santa's got some heavy catching up to do.

Hey, the guy's human, isn't he?

Santa Claus having tonsils out. Yes, I know the way to celebrate this holiday.

Banana! I wouldn't mind having a tree, you know. How much you got?

You don't understand.

It's for my niece.

I just want a little favor.

Please, Santa.

And right here is where you start paying.

and nature sing.

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

What?

The wonder, the wonder of his

love.

That wasn't bad, as a matter of fact. It was the best Christmas carol we've ever

done. Well, it was.

And that's not what I was going to say.

Let's try to take the ball.

Oh, yeah, let him go, Softy. Anyway, that is what he did.

He usually likes to sing the leading of King Wences.

Sharofsky is King Wences. Are you kidding? No.

He's more like Brad Puck with a beard, you know?

That's right.

Kick a teacher when he's not around.

We're just kidding, Mr. First. Where is he anyway? Zip those lips for half a

second and I'll tell you.

Constable. Been bothering him for years. Little devils finally have to come out.

So he's in the hospital?

Over Christmas?

No, I'm going to yank them out myself right after six years.

Any more questions?

Now, I have a combination. Merry Christmas and get well. Ah, those are

nice words. I want you all to sign it. Okay.

And keep it clean.

Oh.

Boy, did we wow him.

Go ahead and hit the shower.

The night is over.

Oh, no, I was fine.

I was fine.

You have to accept my apology. I was up till 4 this morning studying for this

biology midterm.

You are really on overload.

You know, you're teaching all day and studying all night. Tell me about it.

Well, if it means anything, I really admire you for working so hard.

Thanks, Nicole.

I mean, if it's Leroy Johnson, Bachelor of the Arts. There you go.

If I lived here.

Uncle Leroy!

Tina! Hey, baby!

Boy, have I missed you.

What are you doing here? Dad had to go out of town.

It wasn't hard talking him into the buffet.

He did?

When? He didn't call.

That sure spoiled your surprise.

We're going to have a great look, okay?

Hey, Nicole, you want to go skating, maybe the movies?

Well, I'd love to, but actually I was thinking about helping your uncle out

with some biology.

Actually, that won't be necessary.

It'll be fine. Really, it's easier with two people. I can squeeze you in

anything. Makes sense to me.

Well, fine, all right. Okay, 8 o 'clock.

8 o 'clock is also fine.

I still know I got time for a show.

You better lighten up, Uncle Leroy. You're going to be open for your time.

Come on.

I know what it is.

Uh -huh, and I'm Bill Cosby. Look at him.

Look at that white beard.

It's not polite to stare.

his tonsils out. Hey, the guy's human, isn't he?

Okay, if that's Santa Claus, how's he going to do Christmas from here?

Don't be a stupid.

He'll be gone by Christmas Eve. He's got all those elves to help.

Don't look like an elf I ever seen.

Boy, is it too hard to spot, huh? No.

What's he doing in this room? Shh.

Actually, he's a kid at heart.

I assure you, Mr. Ware, I'm not here by choice.

I hate hospitals almost as much as I hate the way my throat feels right now.

Why did they have you in here? Some hotshot producer stole my room.

Did you say producer?

Did you happen to get his name?

This is for you. And everyone signed it. You are going to love this. It's a

Leonardo da Vinci. I did it myself.

Merry Christmas.

So is he theater, TV, or film?

Look at that. It looks exactly like you, Mr. Ray.

You know, it is Christmas. What do you say we go shopping and pay Santa a

Santa? Get out of here.

What do you mean, get out of here? You don't want to see him?

He really has been working too hard.

Wake up. I'm having coffee cake.

Christmas is a joke.

A joke?

Christmas is one of the best times of the year.

Come on. Christmas is for kids who can have AC on TV. That ain't me.

All right, what if Santa came through, gave you whatever you asked for?

Oh, it never happened.

No, what if you were wrong? You had to pick at anything in the whole world.

Anything.

Anything? Well, yeah, as long as it fits in his play, anything.

Okay. Mr. Christmas, you want to make a believer out of Tina Johnson?

He got dollhouse all off his play.

That's a tall order, young lady.

Oh, the way I see it, Santa's got some heavy catching up to do.

Yeah, he does.

is on overload.

You're telling me.

Not if I can just remember all this stuff.

You will. Then you can relax and have a really great Christmas with Tina.

I hope so.

Why wouldn't you? You make it special, I know.

Special compared to what?

I mean, all Tina knows about Christmas is seeing everybody else have a good

time. Is there anything I can do?

No. I'm going to make it different for her this time, though.

Different and wonderful.

I know you will.

Thanks a lot. I'll never forget this.

Just pass the test.

I have a reputation for moving.

Thank you, babe. Okay.

An enzyme secretion that produces a reaction and the emission of energy and

light?

Bioluminescence. Go get them.

Now I'm done.

Now I'm done.

I will send ye What will thou send me? I'm gonna send thee one by one

One little holy baby All in Bethlehem Come on

I mean, the poor bloke isn't in hospital.

This poor bloke is Donald Sharpless, man. The Donald Sharpless. The man who

produced The Slim Neil, Walking on Broadway. He's got major credit.

And kidney stones.

I mean, the man has got to be uncomfortable. Yeah, but look, he's

announced his new production.

A musical about the country western instrument.

Country western?

I don't know.

I think it's very simple, man. You walk bow -legged, you talk with a twang. Come

on, Slim?

He's a captive audience.

Feels dicey to me.

Ask yourself this question.

Are we ever going to get a better chance than this?

Yes.

Happy holidays,

School of the Arts.

Yes, just one moment, please.

Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Johnson?

Oh, Miss Bergman.

I was hoping I could put in for an advance.

Well, sure. How much do you need?

About $300.

Oh, my.

No, this is really important to me.

Oh, I didn't mean that. It's just that petty cash is down so low, I'd have to

call downtown, and it might take a week to clear it.

I'm awfully sorry, Mr.

Johnson. I know how... bad a case of the shorts can be this time of year.

Miss Berg, this is more like a case of the outs.

I'd be only too happy to loan you some. Would $40 do you any good? No, thank

you, Miss Berg.

I'll just have to manage.

If you say so.

Miss Berg, could you sort of keep this between me and you? I wouldn't want

anybody to know that I'm broke.

All they'll ever get from me is my name, rank, and... turkey stuffing recipe.

Yeah.

Keep it down, guys. They both sent us tonsils this morning.

Timmy, are you sure, Tim? Why else would he be in here?

He's checking up on us.

Timmy, you won't forget my list.

Got it right here.

He doesn't look too good.

Probably gave him too much.

Take good care of him, Mr. S.

You should try not to talk.

We've all been real good.

Come on, say something.

Shh. Go away.

He's just a little cranky.

Put everyone back in their beds.

How are we feeling?

Lousy. I've got just the thing to make it better.

Stop gambling with a minor. Get your brains right.

Hey, Lou.

Look,

I need to earn some extra money over the holidays.

Anything I can do for you?

I already got the next year in pay.

The bandstand's a little small for a huddle. No, I'm serious. I mean,

bowling alley, anything. I don't care.

Hey,

Lou. I have to work for my money, man.

All right, take it easy.

I could use you maybe three hours a day for Christmas.

The basement looks like the beach in Inchon.

Hey, speaking of Inchon... Lou, $20 a day?

Yeah. But you'll earn it.

You are a wonderful man, Lou. Wonderful.

I miss you too, baby. I've been busy.

Staying up late again.

This is my last chance to flunk biology.

No way.

You're all going for a leaf to pee.

My niece, the bookmaker.

Your favorite niece.

My only niece.

That stuff means a lot to you, huh?

My education does.

But you're a dancer.

Baby, there's a lot of dancers out there. Very few of them make it.

No one's as good as you.

I want you to remember that when you rule the world someday.

Well, if passing this test is so important, why don't you talk to Santa

after 4A?

All right, smarty pants.

You know what I meant about Santa.

Sure I do.

Look, you better stop knocking Christmas and get on the bandwagon like everybody

else.

If we can afford it, I wouldn't mind having a tree, you know.

You want a Christmas tree, huh?

They're pretty. I never had one.

All right.

Off to bed.

Maybe this Christmas I'll throw you a few surprises.

Like what?

Like go back to bed.

Night.

Nicole, what are you doing here?

Shopping. What are you doing here?

Just taking care of some business.

At a pawn shop?

Are you in some kind of trouble, Leroy?

No, not really.

I got ripped off on the way to buy something special for Tina.

Yeah, Julian told me about it. It's awful.

What are you going to do?

I don't know. I'm working on it.

Look, I hate for you to have to pawn your things. Why don't you let me help?

-uh. I have to do this by myself.

Don't worry about it. It'll be okay.

Are you sure Tina wants this present as much as you want to give it to her?

Well, look, this is something she thinks she can't have.

So I just have to prove to her that she's wrong.

Christmas is a lot more than just a big gift.

Not for Tina.

Not this time.

Well, I hope you both have a really happy holiday.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Sorry, I got my own shop in the daycare room.

Oh, I went to the storehouse at the window.

I'm ready to buy it now.

You got 300 cash for something for the governor?

I won't get up.

Well, I got a deposit.

I mean, just lay it away from me. I'll come back with the full amount in less

than a week.

You ought to hit on one of those big -name chain stores.

They love to give credit.

Soccer is good.

No, I need this one right here.

Come on, it's less than a week.

Look, I'm strictly retail.

How you want?

$290, out the door, gift wrapped.

You don't understand.

It's for my niece.

It means a lot to her.

How much you got?

I got $65. That much?

Listen, there's a Woolworths a couple of blocks east of here. Sorry.

Why, you don't have classes tonight.

But it's after 11.

So what?

I have things to do after school.

We were going to go skating today, remember?

Gina,

I'm too tired to do anybody's skating.

I should be somewhere studying. I can't even keep my eyes open.

How about I go to school tomorrow after classes?

Look, I'm going to be busy then also, okay?

Well, where are you going to be?

Wait a minute. Don't give me the third degree.

Up until Christmas, I have a hectic schedule.

Just wait till it's over, and I'll put them down.

After that, I'll be gone.

Well, what about the tree?

Didn't you hear anything that I just said?

Don't ask me no more questions. I'm going to get you the damn tree.

And how does their Christmas count?

I don't think he likes that one.

Not exactly the nutcracker sweet now, is it? I could work on that next if you

like. Do me a favor, Mr. Ware. Leave Tchaikovsky alone.

Don't touch him.

Drum roll.

On behalf of your fifth period music class, this is me.

Oh. Yay!

Hope you like it. Thanks, thanks.

Haydn, Ferrios, Mahler.

A regular oasis in this cultural wilderness.

And we even got you the new album of the Jets.

I cannot thank you enough.

Please tell the rest of the class.

We will.

Have a nice day.

Merry Christmas.

This is Ian Ware plays your all -the -day favorite.

It's a limited edition.

Can I be so lucky?

Well... He's smiling.

He's never done that before.

Calling Dr.

Howard. Dr. Fine. Dr.

Howard. Calling Dr.

Howard. Dr.

Fine. Dr.

Howard. Hurry up. Put this on.

This is it.

See, what I tell you, when Velazquez plans an operation, you can take it to

bank. Relax.

It's just a dry run.

You were too nervous.

Now that you see how easy it is, next time, you'll be ready for the real

Here we go.

Yeah, ready to change your mind about Christmas yet?

Can we decorate it now?

Just the two of us?

Gina, I really don't have time to decorate. I have to take that test. Why

you start without me?

I don't mind waiting until you get home.

Well, it might be kind of late when I get back. I have other things to do

I take the test.

Dr. Brogdon, you'll do great. You have everything you need right here on the

table. Tinsel in the brown paper bag.

You're going to have a great Christmas.

Uncle Eli?

Yeah.

Look on your test.

Thank you.

Laura, where's Lou? I'll be right back.

How'd your cat?

Oh, I don't know. I think I passed.

You knew you could do it.

Lou. Lou.

Got it?

Got what?

You said I might be able to get paid earlier.

Oh, sure. No sweat, Leroy. Just wait a few seconds.

Actually, I don't have a couple of seconds. The store closes at nine.

We've still got another shopping day left.

Look, I can only get this in one place. I don't want to mess up like I did the

first time. All right, all right. Take it easy.

Let's see, what are we talking about here?

140 is the count tomorrow.

140 it is.

You know, if I had an employee of the week, you'd be it.

Well, Lou, that basement has never looked so clean. It's almost 9 o 'clock.

That guy could do brain surgery in there. Lou, 20, 30, 40.

Cool, I'll be on time tomorrow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Merry Christmas for you and Tina.

That's cool.

Come on, will you? We're both grown men.

Follow me, I'll take you where your dreams often come true.

Just beyond the great skies is a world waiting for you.

Where your troubles all disappear, a wonderful place to be.

Come along, you don't want to be late for the party.

Yes, I know the way to celebrate this holiday.

Hurry up, you don't want to be late for the party.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're gonna celebrate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

look out to everything.

Everyone is happy, there's a

smile on everything.

You may not believe me, but there's magic in this place.

If you take my hand, we can dance and join in the jubilee.

Come along, you don't want to be late for the party.

Come on now, let us know the way to celebrate this holiday.

Hurry up, you don't want to be late for the party.

Feel the rhythm of our heart beating in one.

Bringing us together to have fun under the sun.

If you say you don't stand a chance, well, I have the remedy.

Come along, don't wait for the party.

What's that mean? I'm going to a Christmas party.

There you can come along, everyone.

Hey, you can't do this.

You can't do this.

I got the money.

I got the money.

Tina, get out of here, lazybones.

Baby, you call it the Christmas tree?

I think that'll be pretty disappointing. How about you?

That's right.

Well, somebody remember my little girl at Christmas, huh?

Don't you want to try and guess what's in some of these boxes?

Doesn't matter.

Hey, what's wrong?

Did I say anything was wrong?

Well, you don't have to get fresh.

I just want to find out what's bothering you.

School's closed. Don't you have to be somewhere?

Well, of course I have a couple of other jobs to finish, but I'm getting out

early because... It doesn't matter anymore, Leroy.

I'm going home tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Wait a minute. What do you mean tomorrow?

That's Christmas Day. What are you talking about?

If I had a Christmas, Leroy, if I had much of anything except you, I

couldn't wait to get here.

And I might as well never come.

For all we've been together.

Tina.

I just had a lot of work this week, that's all.

I still wanted to do something special for you for Christmas.

You're right.

You're the only special thing in my life.

And I'm not even enjoying that anymore.

Christmas don't mean dinner.

Tina.

Tina, wait a minute.

All I've been doing, Leroy.

Of

course

he's getting out. It's Christmas Eve and he's got work to do.

You're wrong. It's not Santa Claus. He never even talks to us.

It is him. It's going to be a super Christmas.

Sure it is. You're leaving.

I bet your mom comes here in the morning.

So what? It won't be the same. I mean, running down, CBD left me under the

Heck, it can't even walk.

Excuse me, Mr. S. Can I talk to you?

Shh! I know you don't want it to get around.

It's okay.

No one's going to tell.

Tell? Tell what?

Just one little favor.

Please, Sam. It's not for me.

What did you call me?

I know there are plenty of kids that need a lot more than we do. They can't

paid lonely in here. And Matthew and the other guys don't get to go home.

Now, listen, young man.

I thought that you'd talk to them before you leave.

Especially Matthew.

He's all stunk up and won't get to play anything.

You know, you're right.

This is not much of a place to be, especially on Christmas.

Maybe you did come to the right man.

Doctor, assist, emergency.

Doctor, assist, emergency.

If we bonus, we can't think like that.

It's just another big time producer.

Influential, prestigious, a career maker, a career breaker.

This love, in fact, is so much better.

Dr.

Horowitz, call the lab.

You ready?

It's a private room.

Fresh laundry.

Now, buddy, I'm not one to spread tales around.

But I followed your wife and another cowboy to every honky -tonky in town.

Now, we've been friends through thick and thin. That's the least that you

do. Well, me and her's been pretty damn close, and there's nothing I wouldn't do

for you.

But your wife is taking on us again.

What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine. That's the way it's always been.

Now, if you don't help me straighten her out, we ain't gonna stay friends.

Your wife is treating on us again.

Now, buddy, you could be just a little better sport about this.

My poor old eyes is getting sore from pounding on your fist.

So let's shake hands and call it quits and go kick in the cowboy's door.

We'll show them a thing or two of you.

Let me off of this floor.

Your wife.

Well,

your wife is cheating on us again. That she is.

That's it.

Wonderful.

Really good. You fellas are terrific.

Thanks. Really?

Damn straight.

Jesse Velasquez, School of the Arts. And where?

Well, your school should be proud. What's the occasion?

You having a fundraiser, or is this a new patient morale program?

Um, well, I don't know. We just thought that possibly we wanted you to hear what

we could do, and... And, uh, despite the inconvenience, we thought that maybe

you could find a, uh, use for us. No problem.

My daughter's got a sweet 16 coming up. She'd love it. How much?

A sweet 16?

Sweet 16's a joke.

Oh, Mr.

Sharpless, you're so funny. No, Mr.

Sharpless. Uh -uh.

Bad news.

Sharp was checked out last night. I'm still getting some of his calls.

Oh.

Oh, uh, we made... I'm sorry. We made a mistake.

Sorry.

Uh, Tom.

Uh, we've got an error you see. We'll miss our remedial intelligence lesson.

Hey, any time.

It was fabulous.

Two kinds.

Go ahead, say it.

It's stupid, stupid. How could I do it right? I know.

Go ahead. I don't blame you.

Relax.

I mean, the poor guy is stuck in here on Christmas Eve.

We made his day.

Not to mention all the other days he has to talk about it.

Come on.

We are great.

And he loved us.

He did like it, didn't he? He did.

And he's not going to get a better Christmas present.

Gee, if we had an album, we could sign it for him.

Don't get carried away.

Get out of here. It's Christmas Eve.

You okay?

Actually, I'm just worried about Tina.

You haven't reached her yet?

You know, Lou, I've done a lot of wrong things in my life, but I really think I

blew it this time.

Listen, kid, we all screw up.

I mean, your heart was shooting for a strike, but your head was thinking

boy, you know what I mean?

Look, you tell Tina what you had in your mind.

Have a good laugh.

Have a good cry.

That kid loves you. She'll understand.

Maybe you're right.

I just wish I knew where she was at, Lou.

Come on, Uncle Lou.

We're going to be late for the party.

Yeah, I'm just closing up now.

Look, don't worry.

Tina can take care of herself.

What's the matter with her?

Nothing. She's just running around somewhere. No, she's not. I think she's

Nicole. What?

She just went to Rockefeller Center skating.

She'll bring her to the party.

What party?

Mr. Sharofsky. He's throwing a party for a bunch of kids at the hospital.

Let's share a cab.

Tis the season to be jolly Fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la Darling, now our

gay apparel Fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la Troll the ancient news by carol

Fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la Hey!

That was really good.

I think it was good too. And now, ladies and germs and children of all ages,

straight from the North Pole, getting ready to start his annual world tour,

person you've all been waiting for, here's Santa!

Ho,

ho, ho!

Come on, everybody.

Merry Christmas.

Well, what do you think?

It didn't really need the foamy beard, Santa.

That's how everyone is used to seeing me.

You must be Matthew.

Yeah? Santa has heard a lot about you.

Merry Christmas.

You know what Santa told me to tell you?

He's looking forward to seeing you at your house next year.

Here you go.

Have you been good?

Are you sure?

Merry Christmas.

Yeah.

She's okay.

Well, at least she's having a good time here.

Christmas spirit is pretty infectious.

I told her what you were trying to do.

Did you?

I called her. I was so wrong.

She knows that.

But she also happens to think that you walk on water.

Tina.

I thought you didn't believe in Santa Claus.

I don't.

I just don't know any better.

Look how happy you make me.

Isn't it great?

You think, um, I and Nick could be one more brother?

Maybe. What do you wish for?

Not a certain young lady forgives me for forgetting the most important thing to

me. Nobody has to forgive you for that.

You figure it out pretty fast.

Is that all you want?

Not exactly.

I want a certain young lady to come home and help me decorate that Christmas

tree.