All language subtitles for S05E07 - His Majesty Donlon

You want me to play a prince?

Only for 48 hours.

What I'm trying to say is that Donovan
is not Donovan, man. That's why he's

different.

Allow me to present His Royal Highness
Prince Frederick Jonas of Zatonia.

Amazing.

You got big dreams?

You want fame?

Well, fame calls.

And right here is where you start fame.

I'm gonna live forever.

Baby, remember my name.

The eyes of the world are focused here
on the United Nations

today as performers from 60 countries
countries joined together in a musical

celebration in support of world peace.

We have perfect weather here this
afternoon and a larger crowd than even

expected. A perfect situation for a
magical musical celebration.

Yeah, they must have heard you were
coming, Chris.

You know, Holly, these character slurs
used to start smart.

Underneath his masculine exterior, there
happens to be a very sensitive guy.

Chris Donovan, sensitive, does not
confuse.

You know something? I'm going to tell
you something.

All this female hostility leads me to
only one conclusion.

You want me?

Not fair.

What's not fair?

Don wants me. He could have any girl in
school. Why does he have to hit on

Holly? Oh, man, you're reading it all
wrong.

Amatulo, I'm not blind. He's got love
written all over his face.

You know, man, but he always looks like
that. That's his nature.

You know, hitting on a woman, it's like
a reflex action.

You know, he doesn't even realize he's
doing it.

What are you, writing his autobiography
or something?

I could. I mean, I know everything about
the guy, right?

I hope you're right.

Because I'm not going to give up without
a fight.

Where you going, you jerk? You almost
hit me.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me. Don't worry about it.

What are you talking about?

Hey,

yo, darling.

Come on, man. You're holding us up.

So I'm not trying to run me over. Why?
Were you trying to hit on this girl?

I don't hit on every chick I see.

Once in a while, I let one pass.

Oh, come on, man.

Yo, when are you ever going to find
someone you can really love?

I already found someone I can really
love. Besides yourself.

That's funny. It is funny. It is.

I happen to have an ache in my heart.
But it can never be.

Why not?

Because she belongs to someone else.

Come on, Donald. Who is the goddess?

I mean, who is?

It's not important.

Excuse me, young man.

You again.

Dude, what's your problem, man? Oh, no
problem. Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm William Rosencrantz, Esquire.

And I'm very much interested in you.
Well, you must have heard me sing today,

right? What are you, some kind of agent?
William Morris, CAA?

CAA? No, actually, I'm not from this
country. I'm from Batonia.

But, um... Mr. Rosencrantz, I'm really
not looking for a career in foreign

films. Maybe France, but in fact, Tony,
I don't think I'll pull enough exposure.

Wait just one moment.

I'm not an agent.

I'm the cabinet minister for my country.
And actually, I do have a role in mind

for you.

And I can assure you it'll be much
better than any film. Please.

It'll only take me a few moments to
explain.

You want me to play a prince?

Only for 48 hours.

Oh, man, that's crazy. Who are we going
to fool?

Hopefully the entire world.

But why me?

Why you?

Allow me to present His Royal Highness
Prince Frederick Jonas of Bretonnia.

Amazing. I don't believe it.

It's like looking into a mirror, isn't
it?

I'm just spooky or what?

The resemblance is absolutely uncanny.

Look, Prince Frederick, call me Freddy,
please. All my friends do.

Okay, Freddy, you sure you want to go
through with this?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I love my country, and I want to be a
fair and decent ruler to all my

But just once, I want to live life like
a normal fellow.

Have some real fun for a change.

And thanks to the school ID card, I
finally get my chance.

And you, my boy, will get a chance to
live in royal luxury.

Hey, do I get to wear a crown?

I think we can hunt one up, Your
Majesty.

Oh, Your Majesty, I dig that.

But what happens if someone finds out
that I'm not him? Oh, no one will.

Not even the prince's own bodyguard will
know of the switch. And I will be at

your side at all times to help preserve
the illusion.

Yes, illusion. That is one thing we have
on our side.

Where'd he go?

William. William, let me out of here.

Hey, that was terrific.

Not so terrific. I was supposed to end
up behind the chair.

Yes. The prince fancies himself a
magician.

Yeah, well, it's going to take more than
magic to fool my friends.

Yes, your friend.

Let's see. There's Lebo. He's the
dancer.

Then there's Holly. She is a real fox.

Fox. That's another name for a gorgeous
lady.

Then you got Dwight. He's the harmonium.

He thinks he's shot, but he's not too
hard to fool.

The important thing is to watch out for
Danny. If you can get past him, you

should be okay.

Lastly, there's Jesse and Nicole.

You can't miss those two. They're really
in love.

It's enough to make any guy jealous.

Remarkable. Simply remarkable.

I beg your pardon?

I'm sorry. It's just that you remind me
of my patrol.

What's the punchline?

Punchline?

I suppose that's a line that's formed
when people are having their punch.

Hold it right there.

I don't suppose you three popular kids
have hall passes?

Come on, Dwight. Give us a break.

Holly, I don't blame you. I'm sure
you're not the first girl Donlon's

into trouble.

Dwight, please don't write us up. We're
going to have to stay after school.

I'm sorry, but I just can't let my
emotions enter into it.

Oh, come on, Dwight, please.

With honey and jam on top.

Well, if Donlon will be chivalrous
enough to accept all three write -ups,

perhaps I'll bend.

By all means, chivalry is my middle
name.

What's the punchline?

It's a line that's fun when people want
to have a punch.

What are you people doing in the hall
while class is in session?

Three tardy flips issued, ma 'am.

All to Donlon.

All to Donlon?

Thank you.

Well, I suppose I should be off to
class.

Remarkable.

Wait a minute, mister.

I'm still waiting for your book report
on Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

You are?

Of course, I realize you're far more
interested in whom the Bronx bombers are

going to wipe out this season.

I'm not remotely interested in any
bombers from the Bronx, but I do think

only chance for survival is in total
nuclear disarmament.

Ask me, Mr. Wood.

Fiance. Fiance?

How am I going to fool a guy's fiance?

I don't know how it is in Victoria, but
in this country, a guy and his fiance

are usually pretty close. Well, it is
not that way in Victoria.

Not usually, anyway.

But I must say, in the case of Madame
Rosencrantz and myself, well, what can I

say? She's an extraordinary woman.

I'm very happy for you. You're happy?

Listen, William, can you fill me in a
little? Well, to begin with, she has the

most incredible skin.

No, no, no, no, no. Freddie's fiancée.
Prince, you know, the guy you were.

Oh, oh, yes, yes, of course, I'm so
sorry.

Well, Marianne of Gimbelstein has
arrived in New York two days ahead of

schedule, and even as we speak, she
awaits us in the hotel.

Ah, so we're dead in water, right? Not
necessarily.

You see, Freddie and the princess don't
know each other that well.

Their marriage has been arranged by
their families in order to strengthen

bonds between the two countries.

So in other words, she's a bow -wow,
right?

Princess Marianne of Gimbelstein.

Your most serene highness.

Thank you, William.

Your Majesty.

Are you all right, Your Majesty?

I'm sorry.

You're Princess Marianne, right?

Prince Frederick makes sport of me.

Call me Freddy.

William, if you'd be so kind as to leave
it in privacy for a moment.

Of course, Highness, but I thought you
might like to freshen up after your long

journey. Do as the princess says,
William.

Your Majesty.

I hate

you.

You come all the way here to tell me
that you couldn't fall?

I know that you are marrying me only to
increase your power.

Well, so be it.

But I warn you, it will be a marriage in
name only.

But that's the worst kind.

As if you care.

You've never shown the slightest bit of
interest in me.

You've never held me in your arms or
told me that you loved me.

You've never even kissed me.

Ivor, have you noticed the prince has
been acting strangely?

Not at all, your highness.

He has been acting strangely lately.

Do you think maybe that he suspects?

What? Suspects us? His most loyal
bodyguards?

No, he is not that clever.

That is why it will be so easy to kill
him.

How do I love thee?

One of the greatest romantic poems ever
written.

All right, we've been discussing all
week. Let's summarize.

Dusty?

Well, maybe that's supposed to be the
world's greatest love poem ever written,

but that stuff is kind of corny. I mean,
nobody ever talked that way to me.

Yeah, really, Miss Sherwood, Dusty's
right. I mean, Browning's stuff isn't

as sexy as Madonna's.

Oh, yeah, Madonna. Yeah, I mean, this
lady's always talking about love, but

she never does anything about it.

I mean, you can call me crazy, but I'm a
man of actions.

I think it's the most romantic poem ever
written.

How do I love thee? Let me count the
ways.

I love thee to the depth and the breadth
and height my soul can reach. And

feeling out of sight the ends of being
in ideal grace.

I love thee with the breath, smiles,
tears of all my life.

And if God choose, I shall but love thee
better after death.

Well, I suppose that was kind of lame.

Chris, I never knew you had such a
talent.

Really, I thought my left hand was a
little slow.

I'm really impressed.

Poetry, music.

I never knew you had such beauty in you.

Perhaps your beauty has inspired me.

Yeah.

I better go.

Don't, please.

It's just that for the first time in my
life, I feel comfortable around a woman.

Is this the Chris Donlan I know so well?

Perhaps you don't know me as well as you
think.

Ready to go?

Yeah.

Farewell, fair princess.

It's going to be late, so she wants us
to start the dress rehearsal with the

waltz. We can't start.

We're waiting for Chris Donlan. He's
late!

Mendenhall!

Oh, man, Mendenhall, I told you to watch
out for the trap door.

This is all Chris Donlan's fault again.

Am I late?

You heard the bell. What do you think?

I think it's time we start. Everybody
partner up.

So do you still want me to leave, Chris?
I know you hate waltzing and

everything. You must be joking me. It
happens to be one of my favorite dances.

Since when?

I've always liked to waltz.

Right.

Okay.

Yo, Donald.

Hey, what's up with that waltzing stuff?

Waltzing stuff?

You know, in there with Nicole?

I happen to think the waltz is sort of
cool, Amatulo.

Cool? You think the waltz is cool?

Next thing you know, you're going to be
telling me you like the minuet.

You don't?

Of course I don't like the minuet. I
hate the minuet. It's not cool.

It's lame, square, not remotely groovy.

Money. I knew I forgot something. I
don't suppose you accept foreign

I'll pay for it.

Why, thank you.

You're a very nice bot.

Lucas, there's a lot more to you than
meets the eye.

There's a lot more to you than meets the
eye, for instance.

That's great.

Why, thank you.

I'm frightfully sorry.

Sorry doesn't cut it, mister.

Not when you're stealing a guy's girl.

Dwight, I'm not your girl. I know that,
but you might be if he didn't keep

butting in.

Look, Dwight, I understand your
feelings.

Do you? Do you, Donlon? Or do you just
think I'm a nerd?

Well, nerds have feelings, too.

I'm sick and tired of never getting the
girl. Being pushed aside, ignored,

laughed at by jocks like you. Well,
there's one nerd who isn't going to take

anymore. Step outside, Donlon.

Do I have to?

Fine. We'll slug it out right here.

Yo, Dwight, he's going to rip your face
off.

I don't care. I don't like my face
anyway.

Come on, Donovan. You going to hit me or
what?

Look, Dwight, I didn't know you were a
nerd. I regret any trouble I may have

caused you. Please accept my apology.

Excuse me.

I wonder if they have marriage in
Victoria.

All right.

The winner by default.

Hey, did any of you guys ever see
Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

Your Royal Majesty, I must speak with
you. Yo, yo, yo, what about some

royal privacy here?

I could do this myself. Now be gone
before I have you beheaded.

I could have all of you beheaded.

Something on your mind?

I'm sorry that I slapped you this
morning.

Oh, that's okay. I forgive you.

You do?

Yeah, I'm a prince.

I forgive people. It's one of the
benefits of royalty.

You hate me.

Yeah, I think you got that backwards.

No.

I only said that I hated you because I
thought you didn't like me.

Ever since we were children, you've been
so dear.

You know how it is, in fact, Tony.
People don't get that close.

But I'm beginning to feel close to you.

It is difficult to explain, but you've
changed, Freddy.

You've become strong and kind.

I've always been strong and kind.

Perhaps you were.

And I just never noticed.

I'm afraid. I am so afraid.

Afraid of what?

That this is just another one of your
magic tricks.

It's not a trick.

But it is magic.

Would you like some tea?

Shouldn't we call a servant?

Ordinarily, I'd say yeah.

But every time they open that door, we
have to listen to Hail Vittonia.

It's giving me a royal headache.

Do you like to sit down?

I used to think that love was just a
fairy tale.

Until that first hello.

Until that first smile.

But if I had to do it all again,

I wouldn't change a thing.

Cause this love is everlasting.

Suddenly.

Wake up, suddenly you're in love

Girl,

you're everything a man could want and
more

A thousand words are not enough to say
what

I feel inside Holding hands as we walk
along

Like this before.

She's a princess of royal blood
betrothed to Freddy.

It can never be.

I know that.

What happened? Get down!

Someone tried to kill me.

Don't be ridiculous.

They tried to kill Freddy.

Please, Christopher, allow me to
explain. The bullet comes this close.

me, we had no wish to put you in danger.
Surprise, I'm in danger. We knew an

attempt was going to be made against the
prince. We just didn't know the

details. And then, purely by chance, we
met you. The perfect decoy. Mr. One of

us is crazy, man, and it ain't me.

His Majesty must be allowed to make his
speech, no matter the cost.

Would you die for the prince?

In a minute.

Great.

Then you wear the hat.

I'm out of here.

What?

That was wonderful.

Thank you.

Thank you. It was a rare privilege.

So what's the punchline, Christopher?

Why do people keep asking me that?

That boy needs some rest.

So they've laid these pods next to these
guys' bodies so that when they fall

asleep, man, the pods invade their
bodies. So what are you trying to say,

Amatulo, that Donlon's the pod?

No, what I'm trying to say is that
Donlon is not Donlon, man. That's why

different. No, but this ain't the
movies, man.

Such things do not happen in real life.
Hey, fellas, want to hang out together?

Donlon, you and me got some rehearsal to
do, man, in the auditorium in five

minutes, okay?

That sounds very cool to me.

Yo, Donlon.

That's not the way to the auditorium.

I'm taking a shortcut.

What shortcut?

Hey,

tell me more about these pods, Amateur.

I don't know, Nicole. I think we're
imagining.

Chris Donovan's like a whole new person.
He's so sensitive and so aware and

so... Wow. Oh, yeah.

Hi, Chris.

Later, hon.

Although there's still some room for
improvement.

Hi, Miss Sherwood. Hello, girl.

Oh, Miss Sherwood.

Chris? I'm on my way to the auditorium.

Excuse me.

Hey, Miss Sherwood.

Chris.

I thought he was wearing a jacket.

Faith, Nicole, we fell for Chris
Donlan's line again. He's just another

insensitive clown. Lady, would you be
kind enough to direct me to the

auditorium?

It's that way.

You're most kind.

Most beautiful.

Donlan, I heard you shared a frog with
Holly in science lab today.

Not now, Dwight.

This time I got the foolproof test. I
don't know, man. He sure looks like

to me. So when Uncle Ira looked like
Uncle Ira until they found out he was a

giant pod... Go ahead.

Ask him.

Ask me what?

All right, man.

Where were you the night of October
23rd, 1983?

Yeah. Emily Wolfe's birthday party.
That's the night you two were making out

you swallowed one of her earrings.

Dummy.

Well, is it Donald or is it a pod?

A pod could know that, man. I'm still
not satisfied.

Yo, Matulo, I didn't know you made out
with Emily Wolk.

I'm giving you your old job back.

But why? Because someone tried to kill
you by shooting me.

Lucky for us, they missed.

What do you mean, us?

Christopher, you must listen to me. We
are not the only ones in danger here.

You know, you keep saying all this we
and us stuff, and I'm the one getting

at. Don't you think I wish it was me
getting shot at?

I don't believe it.

Hey, both you guys, stay right there.
I'll be right back.

You see, Chris, if they were not the
only ones in danger, I'm referring to

fate of the entire world.

The whole world?

I'm talking about a possible nuclear war
if I'm not allowed to make that speech

at the UN.

Well, this must be a pretty heavy
speech. What are you going to say?

I'm going to announce my marriage to
Maryam.

We'll pull Gimbelstein out of the Soviet
bloc.

So? So when countries pull out of the
Soviet bloc, the Soviets are known to do

terrible things.

I get it. So they like to kill you
before you make the speech. A lot.

That's Batoni for correct.

So what's stopping them from killing you
after you make that speech?

It would be too obvious. They'd be too
embarrassed in the eyes of the world.

You sure, man? Those dudes are pretty
hard to embarrass.

The faith of mankind rests on my making
that speech.

What's this?

Your ID. I can no longer hide in here
while you're doing my work.

Leave everything to me, Your Majesty.

Only thing you have to worry about is
learning that speech.

Where are you going?

What do you think? To save mankind.

Chris.

How is Marianne?

She is fine.

Hey, man, did you know she's a dead
ringer for Nicole Chapman?

I did.

Marianne thinks I'm cold.

Not anymore.

Trust me.

I don't know what he meant by that.

Look at this.

Hey, where'd he go?

Yo, man, I swear there was another
Donovan. I swear.

I am tired of excuses, William.

I must know what has happened to Freddy.

Well, you see, this is rather a long
story. But you're right.

Why can't you tell me?

Oh, very well, Your Highness.

You see, Freddy is... Who killed the
music?

Freddy!

Freddy?

Uh, William, I want security around the
Royal Swedes' trip.

Where's Ralph and Ivor?

They're right down the hall, Your
Majesty.

Well, I don't want them down the hall. I
want them in here now.

As you wish, Your Majesty.

You're the prince.

I love the man on the ground.

It is you, Freddy, who's won my heart.

That's the trouble.

I'm not...

You

better go to your suite.

But... Go.

Trust me.

Someday you'll understand.

And remember, I love you.

And I love you.

I never thought that I would.

But I do.

Your life is ours, Majesty.

Loyalty. That's what I like in my
subjects.

Now I feel safe.

Try not to take this personally, Your
Majesty.

Whatever happened to loyalty?

Loyalty's good, but money is better.

Could we talk about a salary increase?

A kill here.

Oh, wait a minute. Killing is so final.

What

is it?

This isn't threatened.

Where's the prince?

The school of the arts. We must go there
immediately.

Put him in there.

I can't talk now. Rolf and Ivo are the
bad guys. I gotta save Freddy.

William, take care of Marianne.

Christopher!

You're a real prince.

Thank you, William.

You're the best cabinet minister I've
ever had.

Think real hard now. Did you fall asleep
next to a large plant -like object?

You might as well know, Daniel, I'm not
Christopher Donovan.

I'm Prince Frederick Jonas the
Bactonian.

What?

Bactonian?

Yes, and through you, I've learned to
love Marianne of Gimbelstein.

See how this goes?

Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your
attention, please?

Those two men are assassins.

Oh, my God, they got Donald's brain.

Is this part of the play?

Say goodbye, Your Majesty.

Goodbye.

Where'd he go?

Who cares?

What's important is we're together
again.

This can't be part of the play.

What's going on? They're trying to kill
Don.

No, they're not, man. They're trying to
kill Freddy.

This has got to be a dream.

Maybe they got my brain.

Something went wrong.

It looks like you are out of magic, Your
Majesty.

Yeah.

I knew Chris Donald couldn't beat Prince
Charlie.

As we stand against the wind,

we become one

shining light.

We're like children in the dark.

Trying not to be a...

We've got to.

Together we are safe, we are strong.

And together we can change what's gone

wrong.

One dream for all the people.

it's gotta be one place where hope can
help us show that

we can it's gotta be