Original subtitles

If I told you that you had just won the Big Buck's grand prize of $10

,000, it's not a joke.

Now, why won't you go out?

Because I'm like you aren't interested in girls like me.

On all those valuable prizes you've won, you're in the 20 % bracket, Mr.

Johnson. You owe Uncle Sam a lot of Big Buck. I really think you're making a big

mistake.

And I think someday you're going to live to regret it.

and the 1927 classic, The Jazz Singer. We all know that Al Jolson said, You

ain't heard nothing yet.

Now, what was the name of the song that he sang right after he uttered those now

famous words?

Toot, toot, tootsie.

What was it, Mammy?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ira.

But the correct answer is toot, toot, tootsie.

See, man, you could have won $10 ,000, Leroy.

I sure could use it. I'm pretty much behind on my rent.

You're amazing, man.

You got every answer right.

I like musicals.

You know, Leroy, you ought to get on that song.

I'm serious. You can win. I agree with Don.

If you went on that show and picked musicals in your category, there's a

chance you can win $10 ,000 easily.

$10 ,000?

Come on, I've never seen that much money in my whole life. Sure you will. Yo,

you can win it.

You look at his eyes.

Why should his eyes be any different than the rest of his body?

You would think if he looks like that, he'd be a real jerk.

But he's so nice.

So talented.

So smart.

Oh, yeah, going to med school.

Getting a medical career. Oh,

excellent job, God.

You're out of your mind.

I'm telling you, Doris, he likes you. You keep on saying that David likes me.

It's embarrassing.

Holly is right.

I can tell that he really enjoys your company.

Yeah, it's like all those gorgeous guys who like me because I'm funny.

I mean, of all the girls in the world, why would you pick me?

People pick all different types.

I mean, look.

Look at the couple over there. He's tall and she's short.

David Nolan.

What are you talking about? Look at Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford in

way he is.

May I remind you that Bob's ended up dumping on good old Babs at the end of

movie? Yeah, but think of all the fun she had before he did.

Oh, sure. I mean, it would be wonderful to have a gorgeous, hunky guy like David

fall madly and uncontrollably in love with him. It could happen.

I wish.

Boom and boom Boom and boom Boom and boom Boom and boom Boom and boom Boom

and

boom

To you, maybe.

I think I'd make out better as a bag lady.

Mrs. Berg, I have tried and tried to get you a raise.

But you know how tough it is to deal with a board of ed? Those guys are a

of tightwads.

I've got to cut through a lot of red tape, Mrs. Berg. It's not easy, you

Mr. Morland. Mr.

Sharofsky. I know. The clarinets for the music department.

My students are whistling Beethoven's Palette through their teeth.

I already talked to the board about it, and they turned me down flat. Mr.

Morlock! Hit it, Mrs. Berg!

Some people just aren't born leaders.

If I were vice principal, I'd get results.

I know you wouldn't, Mr. Wood.

We definitely could use someone like you sitting in that office.

Don't think I wouldn't like to.

You would, really?

Of course.

Aside from the increase in salary and prestige, I think I'd make a good

administrator. Of course you would.

Just hang in there. It could happen.

I wish.

Doris, wait, Doris. What for?

Listen, I don't know what you're so angry about.

You know, this isn't a very funny joke.

Who put you up to this? Nobody put me up to it, and it's not a joke. Now, why

won't you go out with me?

Because guys like you aren't interested in girls like me.

Guys like me?

That's right. You're godlike. You belong with some of the U .S. hazel eyes and

perfect teeth, and here they go like this.

You called? Don't tell me who I belong with. I can go out with anybody I want

to, and I happen to like you.

You do?

Yeah. I see something in you. I think you're a special person.

You really think I'm special?

Sure. I think you're an interesting person. I love your sense of humor.

And I want to get to know you better.

All this, and you got depth, too?

But do I have a date on Saturday night?

Let me think about it.

I'm kidding.

All right. I look forward to it.

He's looking forward to it.

What happened?

Oh, nothing.

Dave just asked me out for a date Saturday night.

No big deal.

You wanted to see me this morning. Yes, I did. Come on in. Have a seat.

No, not there. I want to try my chair.

Your chair?

Yeah, sit in. See how it feels.

Mr. Morlock, I'm not in the mood. I have exam papers. Miss Sherwood, just this

one time, indulge me, please.

All right.

I'll play.

Comfy. Well, it's an improvement on my desk chair.

You know, you can raise or lower the height there. Mr. Morlock, what is this

about? I'm going to Buffalo.

You've quit?

No, I'm just shuffling off for a couple of weeks to a meeting for school

administrators. Oh.

Two weeks in Buffalo.

How I envy you.

How I envy you, Vice Principal Sherwood.

No. Yes, and now, if you'll excuse me, Buffalo

calls.

Vice Principal Sherwood.

Has a nice ring to it.

There's one thing you've got to remember, man. This is an average

It's on a big block.

I mean, you realize how much giving the show can change my life? The main thing

is you have to be an ideal contestant. No problem, guys. I'll be ideal.

No, but it's not going to be easy, man. In order for them to pick you, you have

got to be Mr.

Personnel. You've got to be bigger than life.

You've got to make them think that America is going to put you into their

pocket. When America finds out how bad I need this money, they'll take me into

their heart. Believe me. All right, check it out. First, you've got to have

love that you love and that you love.

And when you win that money, you are going to do what? Go crazy!

I don't know about the first two.

Count on the last one.

We ain't asking for much. It's like 50%. What?

Even as a tiny little baby. I was always smiling.

So Mommy Burke decided that she just had to make me happy.

And I'm pleased as punch that she did.

Okay, that's enough stories about old Happy.

Now, Leroy, can you tell me why you want to be a contestant on Big Bucks?

Well, I love the show.

Of course, I love you.

And if I was to win that money, I'd go crazy.

He could have sold it a little more, man. I don't think Happy's buying it.

Wow, Leroy.

It says here that you're a dancer.

Yeah, that's my major at the School of the Arts. Well, that's wonderful.

Okay, Leroy.

How'd you like to show me what you do if I told you that you had just won the

Big Buck's grand prize of $10 ,000?

That's it?

Well, yeah, I'd be real happy.

Leroy, wouldn't you want to dance for joy?

I don't know. I wouldn't want to look stupid or anything like that.

But if I really want $10 ,000, I wouldn't give a damn about looking

feeling foolish. I'd be great. Oh, boy, if you Leroy $10 ,000, I'd be so happy.

I'd be so happy.

more energy not bad put him on the show all right

yo i made it i made it man i'm gonna be on big bucks i'm gonna be on that show

this is the beginning man you're going all the way yo ten thousand bucks man

you're gonna be rich

It's your first day as our new leader, and we wanted to make you feel welcome.

You're going to do a great job.

Well, the loveliest vice principal in the entire city.

How sweet.

Actually, it's a bride.

I know. The clarinets. I haven't forgotten.

As a matter of fact, it's my first order of business, along with that raise from

Mrs. Berg.

Oh, whoopee! I like your style, girl.

I'd better get to work.

Mrs. Berg?

Get me the head of the finance department on the phone. Right away,

Oh, isn't this exciting?

I feel just like I did when we dumped Nixon.

What can I say?

It was absolutely perfecting.

Come on, Doris. We want to hear all the juicy beats.

Well, first we like to see it moving.

That one of those art houses in the village just happened to be our favorite

movie. Okay, let me guess.

An art house down in the village, so it's got to be an oldie.

You must remember this, a kid did.

Then what happened?

We went to the most romantic little place to eat, where we shared an Italian

dinner.

And I mean shared.

So, perfect movie, perfect dinner. Get to the important part, Schwartz.

I hope you both have a strong heart.

We were just sort of walking, talking after dinner, you know, about how Saul

Bellow is our favorite author and how... We're both Democrats, and how our

favorite thing to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon is sit and play chess.

And then it happened.

Perfect kitten.

Doris, I think you better marry this guy.

Absolutely. After a perfection like that, where do you go?

Heaven.

Then again, I suppose I've already been there.

You know how big bucks is played.

There are five plateaus. After each plateau, you win a gift package.

Until you get to the fifth plateau, where you can win $10 ,000.

Any questions?

No, sir, I got all the answers.

He's got... Okay,

let's begin.

Here's your first question.

Name the director of the Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland hits, Babes in Arms, and

Strike Up the Band.

Busby Berkeley.

Oh, that's right!

But who is this guy? I don't know.

Are you a friend of Leroy's man? I'm better than a friend. I'm his landlord.

He owes me three months' rent.

Now, Johnny Landau, tell Lucky Leroy what he's won.

Leroy, you've just won a Yusufaya puppy trowel.

We've got to trade the puppy sound for some cash.

Nice try, Leroy, but you have to make it to the fifth plateau before you can go

for the big bucks.

But I don't even have a dog.

You don't have a dog?

Oh, isn't that a shame?

Leroy doesn't have a dog.

Well, you do now, Leroy. Tell him, Daddy.

And with that puppy sound.

He's been lying in Leroy's neighborhood.

Maybe he could trade him for a dog name.

If he ain't drinking no dog, he might wait, pal. I don't allow no pets.

And to make a night mode for that new puppet, a five -feet living room suite

the Barcelona style by Old World.

What do you think of Old City?

I think I better wear my stuff in a big apartment.

A bigger apartment.

Well,

Leroy, there's one more thing that you've won here today.

You know what it is?

You have won the chance to come back here tomorrow and try for the second

plateau.

That's right, Lingo. Only four more plateaus and you get to go for the big

bucks. You're on your way to $10 ,000.

And you, you be sure to come back, too.

So, until tomorrow, always remember who loves you, folks.

Do I get my tennis shoes resold or can I buy new ones?

And there's an apartment with a view and I'd really like to jump on it before

some yuppie grabs it. Why are you asking me all this? Because it takes M -O -N

-E -Y, dear.

What story with my raid?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Berg. I don't seem to be making much headway.

You mean I'm screwed again.

How's it going with my clarinets? I'm working on it. Do I detect a certain

waffling on the subject?

Oh, I'm not waffling.

What she means, Mr.

Sharofsky, is you're getting shafted, too.

May I ask, did you use all your powers of persuasion?

Are you suggesting what I think you are?

Why, you could have flirted a little. Now, you wait just a minute.

If you think I'm going to use my femininity to get your clarinets, you've

another thing coming. I'm sorry. It was a desperate statement made by a

desperate man.

Please accept... My apology.

Hello,

Mr. Harwood. It's a little Sherwood again. May I call you Bill?

Bill, I just want to apologize for my little outburst a few minutes ago.

Thank you.

You're very understanding.

Has anyone ever told you you have a nice telephone voice?

A ski weekend in a mountain cabin?

With snow falling all around and a fire roaring in the fireplace?

Oh, it sounds so romantic.

Your parents are going to be there.

Shh.

All right, so a little less romantic, but still potentially pretty wonderful.

Too bad I'm not going to be there.

Schwartz, are you out of your mind?

Prince Charming is crazy about you. This is no time to play hard to get.

Look, I don't want to put things too fast.

I'm not sure about my feelings.

Are you telling us everything?

Is something wrong?

Why should there be anything wrong?

Everything's perfect.

Let me tell you something, man. You were beautiful, man. Beautiful.

You were fantastic.

You guys were walking genius.

You know, man, don't you feel great?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Leroy.

I hear you're really cleaning up on Big Buck.

Yeah, yeah, sort of.

What do you mean sort of? Either you are or you're not.

He is.

You want a fun -in -the -sun package, barbecue, patio furniture, your supply

suntan lotion, not to mention a 16 -foot catamaran, and don't forget the scuba

equipment.

So why do you look so depressed?

Well, I ain't exactly won no cash yet. You know, I'm three months behind on my

rent. Man, would you stop it? You're going all the way. I mean, you're going

win the whole ball of wax, man. $10 ,000.

I hope so.

You know, I won't be much better off than them.

Come on, man. Stop worrying. You never have to worry about money again. You got

it made in the shade. That's right.

Here in the dark, there's a light that will always shine.

There's a chance I can get what I find.

But it's all I got.

It's a long shot.

I've got nothing to lose. So I'm gonna be my own

shot.

Out in the street, people say that my luck run out.

That I can't always get what I want.

But I don't believe it.

It's your time.

You Leroy Johnson?

Yeah, that's me.

You must have seen me on that game show. I guess I am kind of a celebrity now,

huh? As a matter of fact, I did.

I'm Edgar Popjoy, Internal Revenue Service.

I'd like to take a minute of your time to discuss your taxes.

Taxes? On all those valuable prizes you've won.

You're in the 20 % bracket, Mr. Johnson.

You owe Uncle Sam a lot of big buck.

Miss Sherwood. What?

Well, I don't mean to be critical, but you forgot to sign all these papers that

I left on the counter for you yesterday.

I've been extremely busy, Mrs. Berg, trying to get you a raise. That'll be

day. Mr.

Morlock always signed the papers, no matter how busy he got.

Are you all right? I'll sign them.

Boy, you'd think somebody would give me a break around here.

Watch out, dear. She's in another one of her nasty moods.

Better be careful, Miss Sherwood. Don't let that vice principal stuff get to

you. I can handle it.

I'm just a little disappointed that my friends don't seem to have the slightest

understanding of how difficult this job is.

And what makes you think we don't?

It's just that I've been trying so hard.

Miss Sherwood, we know that.

Maybe we get a little selfish. There are things we want and need.

But we are on your side.

Thank you.

Mr. Sharovsky, I'm still working on getting the clarinets for you.

That'll be the day.

So what did you decide?

Are you going on the ski weekend or not?

Not. You're crazy.

No, there's a wonderful guy.

We agree on everything. That's the problem. We have too much in common.

There's no spark.

What do you mean, no spark?

Oh, no, when we kiss, there's sparks.

But when we talk, it's like I'm talking to myself.

Well, then don't talk. That's obviously where you're going wrong.

Just kiss a lot.

I'm sorry. I just can't do that. I'm not that shallow.

I've got to say something to him.

I've got to tell him it's over.

Hi, Doris.

David. Oh, there was something I wanted to tell you. Yeah, there's something I

want to tell you, too. You first.

Well, now that I think about it, there's just no words to say what I want.

Maybe I better show you.

See you this weekend.

Oh, I feel so guilty.

Why? Because I'm going on a ski weekend with a man that I feel nothing but a

physical attraction for.

Where do I get my ski?

Yo, man, that catamaran is big, man. They're having trouble pulling it out of

the truck.

What was the name of the choreographer on most of these? They're Rogers

Pictures. Hermes Pan.

Don't even bother to check. That's correct, I'm sure.

Kid never misses, huh? Hermes. Sounds like some kind of disease.

Yo, man, more pride.

Oh, so what? I'm up to my armpits in broken furniture and puppy chow. I need

money, guys, money.

So, Leroy, for a guy who has trouble meeting his rent, you're doing okay.

Funny thing, huh?

You win all these prizes, but you still ain't win no money yet.

Mr. Perez, I know what you're thinking. Look, I'm going to have your rent money

soon. No, that's not what I was thinking about. I was just thinking that you're

just about the richest poor guy I know.

Ain't even any room to move around.

I agree. I'm sorry about that, Mr. Perez. I don't have no place else to put

stuff. Look, things are starting to look up. I'm getting ready to reach the last

plateau on the show.

That's when I win the bread. Yeah, that's right.

Nice barbecue, huh?

Gas, huh?

Yeah, it comes with the fun and the sun prize package.

Yeah, pretty old furniture, huh?

A lawnmower.

You never know when you're going to need one of those around here, huh?

I'll see you at the end of the week, huh?

Love that barbecue.

You take the barbecue in exchange for one month's rent.

Okay, but only because I got a garden apartment and a big heart.

Remember, you owe me for two months, and for that I want cash, real cash.

Otherwise, you're going to have to give up the good deal you got here.

Come on, Leroy, we got to get busy.

You're on the fifth plateau. That's $10 ,000 in cash, man.

I can't even think, man. I'm so nervous. There's too much pressure on me. Come

here, man.

Sit down in your lazy boy reclining chair.

How's that?

Not bad.

I thought I wanted one with the foot rest, though. You got one, man. It got

right here. Here you go. Take this out.

Have a cookie.

Come on, guys. Let's get serious here.

That's the work.

Now, who directed the MGM musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?

Stanley Donen.

Absolutely right.

No, you.

$243.

Nuts.

Well, Leroy, I don't have to tell you the situation.

If you can answer this last question correctly, you will win the $10 ,000

prize and our champion of champions gift package.

Are you ready, Leroy?

I better be, huh?

Okay, here's your final question. An audience, please. Silence.

Okay. It is not uncommon in movie musicals for the stars... singing voice

dubbed. Monty Nixon is famous for doing the singing chores for Deborah Carr in

The King and I, Natalie Wood in West Side Story, and Audrey Hepburn in My

Lady. Now, for $10 ,000, Leroy, who dubbed the singing voice

of Rosano Brazzi in South Pacific?

Maybe even I know that one. My father wore the Alamount, listening to some

enchanted evening.

I need your answer.

I'm sorry, Leroy. That is the correct answer.

But we can't accept it because somebody in my studio audience blurted it out.

Oh, but don't look so depressed, Leroy. Because you get another shot at the big

buzz.

Okay. Here's your next question.

And please, audience, I caution you. Remain quiet.

this time.

In the MGM classic Meet Me in St. Louis, Judy Garland played Esther Smith and

Tom Drake played her adored boy next door. Now, what was the full name of

Drake's character?

Giorgio Tassi?

Oh, I'm sorry, fellas.

You came so close. But close just isn't good enough.

The correct answer is John Truitt.

Oh, but don't be so down, Leroy.

Look at the bright side. Because along with all those other wonderful prizes

you've won, you get the home version of the Big Bucks game.

Is this taxable?

I have absolutely no control over the lower half of my body.

I don't know, Leroy.

Well, if you get the skis, I'll throw in the boot and the ski cap.

And naturally, I'll throw in a home version of Big Bus to play at your

Don't get me wrong, Leroy. The skis are really great.

I'm just not so sure about this guy.

Do you think maybe I could, like, rent him with an option to buy?

Yeah, I guess so. How did $25 sound?

I'll give you $30.

I'll get a check from my mom.

Great. Thanks a lot, Doris. I really appreciate that.

Do you wish I could help you out? Buy some more stuff?

How would a 16 -foot catamaran interest you? I mean, the retail value is $2

,725. How much do you want for it? I'll take $50.

I hate to pass up a great deal like that, but my family isn't into sailing.

Well, let me know if you change your mind, huh?

Hey, Leroy, wait up.

I've been looking for you.

It's my fault that I got you into this, man. I'm sorry.

Yeah, so am I. Look, I got Perez breathing down my neck in the IRS.

I don't know what they're going to do to me. Don't worry about it, man. I'm

figuring out a way to get you out of this. Danny, wait.

I don't want you to do me any more favors. Please, let's just forget it. It

me who got you into this, and it's going to be me who gets you out. No, I don't

want you to do nothing.

Please, look, I accept your apology. All is forgiven.

What are you worrying about, man? Hey, don't worry about it. I'm going to take

care of it.

Danny!

That's the same thing you said about going on big bucks. It's that same

Bill, she's been at the school forever. And no, I don't think it's asking too

much to give a loyal employee a well -deserved raise.

Can you not see that $10 a week would be an insult?

Bill, I just don't understand you. I mean, what are you people down there,

animals?

You're damn right I'm getting hysterical. Any normal human being would

appalled at you.

Hello?

Dr. Sharofsky, if you have come to ask for something, I warn you, I'm not in

mood.

I hate the Board of Education.

Mr. Herbert, don't feel bad.

How can I not feel bad?

I'm failing.

I can't get Mrs. Berg her raise. I can't get you your clarinet.

I'm not so sure about that. This just came from me, from the Board of

Clarinet?

Miracles still happen.

I can't believe it.

I'm not a complete failure. I actually got something out of the Board of Ed.

Chocolate eraser?

Amazing. I only ordered these two years ago.

You are going to love it up there, Doris. I talked to my friend who works

patrol. He said that there was a six -foot pack and two feet of new snow.

Ski conditions are going to be perfect.

Of course, they knew you were coming.

All right, what's wrong, Doris?

Look, there's not going to be any skiing again.

Why not?

Because you're a wonderful guy, David. You're perfect. But I'm not.

What are you trying to say, Doris?

She's not there.

Didn't you ever sense in all the times that we were going out, for just one

little minute, that there was something missing?

Well, I thought we were getting along great.

I thought everything was perfect.

That's the point. I mean, it was too perfect. I mean, we never even had a

Okay, so we'll fight.

You can't just decide to fight. Why not?

Because you have to have it in you.

You're really serious about all this, aren't you? This is a perfect example.

Now, if I were you and some girl was telling me this, I'd be pretty teed off.

Aren't you the least bit teed off? No.

What's so wrong with that?

It drives me crazy. I hate it. It's not normal.

Wait a minute, Doris.

You got no right to judge me.

I'm very normal.

I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.

I really think you're making a big mistake.

And I think someday you're going to live to regret it.

You know something, Doris?

I really felt good.

Just once I wish... What

am I doing?

What is this?

Outro Music

and we're still going strong.

I can't believe this. Thanks, Danny. You're the least I could do for opening

my mouth like that. Danny, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

You know, I didn't know the answer to that first question that you blurted

so actually, you gave me a second chance.

Is that true, man?

No, not really.

All right, man.

What are these two guys doing together?

You're not going to believe this. They're bidding on your scuba gear.

Miss Sherwood?

Mr. Morlock, welcome back.

What's going on here? Isn't it obvious? We're having a garage sale.

Did you get an authorization from the Board of Education?

I didn't get anything from the Board of Education. I authorized this myself.

Well, I guess I've seen everything.

No, you haven't. Come inside.

I love thee.

You wouldn't fit into your office.