Original subtitles

I have a guest star for our show. Let me guess.

Laurence Olivier.

Trevor Kane.

Trevor Kane?

Nothing against Miss Schwartz, but under no circumstances could I entrust my

performance to a teenager.

Either Doris directs the show, or there is no show.

Mr. Kane knows how important this show is to him. Danny. He wouldn't just get

and split Schwartz. Danny, face it. We've been stood up. Trevor Kane is a

Hello, is this the William Morris Agency?

My name is Dora Schwartz, and I'm calling from the School of the Arts.

We're having our 50th anniversary, and we were wondering if Mr. Eisen would

to guest star in our show. 50th anniversary, right.

Well, would Shecky be interested?

Well, don't you think you ought to let Mr.

Pacino decide for himself? Well, is there any way he can get out of it?

tied up for the next six years?

You guys are good agents.

Well, listen, my name is Jesse Velasquez, and I'm looking for

myself. Hello?

Schwartz! Do they have a star yet?

Why are you asking me? I want Cheskem, too, or Velasquez. Because they're not

directing the show you are, and without a star, it'll be a total flop.

I wonder what an ulcer feels like. Hold it.

I just had a thought.

Uh -oh.

My Aunt Enid used to play bingo with the sister of Liberace's piano tuner.

I could give Enid a call.

I got an idea. What if we got Neil Armstrong to do it?

It's not even in show business.

I know, but wouldn't it be great to have an astronaut?

I think we already have one.

All right, then what about Charo?

Just say the word and I'll call my Aunt Enid.

Oh, Doris, there's a long -distance telephone call for you from Hollywood.

Collect.

Oh, God.

Collect?

This better be a yes, Schwartz.

Hello?

No. We still haven't found a star for our show yet.

I was hoping since you were a graduate... You will?

Wonderful. No, that's great.

Thank you.

Okay, goodbye.

You can forget your Aunt Enid. We have got a guest star for our show.

Who? Only the man responsible for changing the entire course of my life.

Seven years ago, Central Park, my parents took me to see Hamlet. He was

reason for my becoming an actress.

Let me guess.

Laurence Olivier.

Don Gilded.

Peter O'Toole. Trevor Kane.

Trevor Kane.

Trevor Kane.

Trevor Kane.

Who's Trevor Kane?

Trevor Cain. I am so excited.

Who's this guy again?

Trevor Cain is only the greatest Shakespearean actor that ever lived.

Forget about Shakespeare, Doris. Trevor Cain was Dr.

Scorpio, Lone Ranger of the Universe.

In the darkest reaches of space comes a champion of good, a bearer of the light

of truth and justice above and beyond all that was, is, or ever could be,

the invincible Dr.

Scorpio.

Excuse me?

Who? Cult film.

He was a cult figure?

Don't we have any film buffs here?

I'm appalled.

Wait, this guy's a movie actor?

Can he do anything for my career?

No. But if he's that good, how come I never heard of him? Because he made his

reputation on the stage.

Nobody ever heard of those films.

Well, I heard of them, and I'm somebody. I loved them.

You know, I'm into cult films. How come I never heard of them?

Because, Chris, these were like cult, cult films, you know?

They're opening the doors. They're opening the doors. Come on. Come on.

Come

to

us through cloudless skies.

Run with us and close your eyes.

demons free.

The challenge and the champ.

Oh, reunion.

You and me and a song and a dance.

Reunion. Reunion.

Reunion. Reunion.

Challenge and the champ.

Oh, reunion.

You and me.

Reunion.

Great, huh, Doris?

Thank you.

Excuse me.

You didn't by any chance be Trevor Kane?

No. But I enjoyed your reception.

Thank you. Thank you.

If that's not Trevor Kane, then where is Trevor Kane?

miles away.

Trevor! Oh, Trevor.

Goodbye, dear lady.

Be sure to let me know when you're divorced. Bye.

Taxi!

Wait here, my friend.

I checked every flight arriving.

California. Trevor Cain wasn't on any of them. Well, I checked for Louis Kunkel.

He wasn't listed either.

What?

That's his real name. Personally, I prefer it. Anybody home?

It's him.

Oh, uh, Mr. Cain, uh, Quentin Morlock, assistant.

Principal, welcome to our little school.

Thank you. We were so worried about you. We meant to plane you. You weren't on

it. Yes, they couldn't book me a first -class seat, so I had to go by another

airline. Well, anything you want while you're here, just ask.

There is the matter of the taxi. I don't seem to have anything smaller than a

$100 bill.

Of course not.

Usual lot, 10 % tip.

Make it 15. I wouldn't want them to think I was cheap.

Louie. Mrs. Burke.

I had my first crush on you. Oh, you were always such a flirt.

And who are you, lovely lady?

Lydia Grant.

Oh, you are a flirt.

You remind me of my third wife.

You've had three wives?

I've had five, actually, but the third was my favorite.

Hello. Hi.

Mr. Kane.

It really is a pleasure meeting you.

Directing you is going to be the thrill of my life.

Of course it is. You must be Doris Schwartz.

How did you know?

I recognize the desperate quality in your voice.

All right, everybody, what are we waiting for? To the stage!

This is where it all began.

Lear, Othello, Hamlet. Dr. Scorpio!

Who said that?

I did. I've seen all your movies. I love them. I got them all on tape.

Then burn them immediately.

Why?

Because that's what you do with rubbish.

Rubbish? You think Dr.

Scorpio movies are rubbish?

Have you seen them?

Never. They could pay me to act in them, but there wasn't enough money to get me

to watch them.

Have you decided what you'd like to do in the show?

Yes, Richard.

The third?

Oh, great.

I love it. It's one of my favorite plays.

Just a few selected scenes.

You'll be wonderful, I'm sure.

As for me, I could do Richard in my sleep.

You. Me?

You would make a wonderful Lady Anne.

I would?

I mean, I'm sure I would.

Confidence. Belief is half the battle.

Say after me, I am Lady Anne.

I am Lady Anne.

I am Lady Anne. Again.

I am Lady Anne.

By George, I think she's got it.

And you will play Prince Edward.

Prince Edward? Isn't that a boy?

Think of the challenge.

You shall be my Buckingham. You've got it, man.

I like your attitude.

My brother Clarence.

Clarence. Do I look like Clarence? You don't look like Clarence from this

on. You are Clarence.

Who are you?

Nobody. Just Danny Amatullo.

Danny Amatulo is not nobody. Danny Amatulo is somebody.

You will be playing the most difficult role in the entire play.

The corpse.

The corpse?

You mean the dead guy?

Sounds pretty easy to me.

Easy? It will be your greatest challenge.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and call my

agent. I won't tell you what I'm going to call him, but I'm sure you can guess.

Mr. Kane.

I just wanted to tell you how excited I am. I have so many great ideas. I can't

wait to get started.

What a trooper.

Don't trouble yourself, Doris.

I can direct myself.

Michael Green, please.

Trevor Kane.

No, he can't call me back.

Dear, I want to talk to him and I want to talk to him now.

Michael, how do you think I feel?

I've been here four days and I can't get through to you.

Michael, I came 3 ,000 miles to play Richard III because your agency

some interest in reviving my Broadway career and I can't even get you to

my calls.

Well, I'm busy too, damn it.

Michael, you listen to me.

Michael!

Stage left.

Words, words, words, words, words.

Then I cross center.

More words, words, words, words.

Up here.

Words, words, words.

That's all he said for the last four days.

When is he going to say the actual words?

I don't know.

You're the director, Doris. Why don't you ask him?

Words, words, words, words, words.

Well, maybe he's doing it just to keep his performance fresh.

What do you think?

Cut.

Oh, that was wonderful, Mr. Kane.

I really love your staging.

You know, can we try it one more time with the actual lines?

Lines? Yeah. You know the one Shakespeare wrote?

Why?

I don't know. I thought it might be nice to hear them.

For you, maybe.

Don't worry, Doris. On the night of the performance, when I'm in my costume,

limping across the stage... You're not going to say the actual lines till the

night of the performance?

I may utter a few at the dress rehearsal.

Mr. Kane, you know, a more experienced director might have an easier time with

this kind of loose rehearsal process.

I don't know. Call me crazy. I just feel like I have to hear the actual lines

and see some of the acting.

I cannot work with this child.

Mr. Kane, what is the problem?

No problem, beautiful lady. It's very simple. I just fired the director.

and I shall stand the hazard of the die.

Richard. What, sir?

You and I have to talk.

Wonderful.

I was hoping we could spend a little time together.

Exquisite.

Absolutely exquisite.

You never stop, do you? Not unless I'm told.

Shall we have an affair?

Mr. Kane, please.

We have a real problem in Doris Schwartz.

I couldn't agree with you more.

What I mean is that you must accept Doris as the student director.

I'm sorry, that's impossible.

Nothing against Miss Schwartz, but under no circumstances could I entrust my

performance to a teenager.

Mr. Kane, I don't think you understand why you were asked to come here in the

first place.

At the School of the Arts, the students come first.

You were asked to participate in a student project.

Now, the bottom line is either Doris directs the show or there is no show.

No show?

No show.

Doris.

My director.

I place myself totally in your hands.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Put me down. Put me down. Danny.

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, Schwartz, I got nothing to do up here. Danny, you're

not supposed to have anything to do. You're playing a corpse, okay? So just

there and be quiet.

And take off that hat.

Doris. What?

Could I talk to you just for a moment?

Doris, you do not talk to actors like that. They are very sensitive.

They're fragile.

Their spirits are easily broken.

Well, I know that.

I mean...

I don't usually direct. I'm an actress, too. I'm sensitive and fragile.

You?

Doris, you're indestructible.

Now, Danny, remember, you're not just any corpse. You're the corpse of a king.

Now, concentrate.

Concentrate on being the best damn corpse alive.

I hope I'm up to it. Of course you're up to it. You're an actor.

We're all actors here.

That's what makes us so special. We're not like other people.

We live life more intensely.

When we hurt, we hurt more.

When we love, we love more.

There's a sort of magic in us.

Magic.

Uh, Mr. Kane, you know, can we get back to rehearsal? Because it's almost noon.

I'm glad you brought that up, Doris.

You're quite right.

Lunch is...

So how's everything going?

He hates me. My idol hates me. Oh, Doris, I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He

absolutely loves everybody in the entire world. Me, he hates.

Mr. K.

Well, here we are, boys. The famous Actors Club.

Gable Dime here.

Paramore Drink here. And Flynn?

Well, I daren't tell you what Flynn did here until you're of legal aid.

Yo, man, how come there's no women in this joint?

As you get older, young man, you'll appreciate such a haven.

Men need time away from women.

Not this man.

I'm with you. I don't think I'll ever get that old.

Mr. Kane.

Leon, a table for five, please.

Of course, sir.

You boys go ahead to the table. I'll join you in a minute.

Here you are, fella.

What's this?

Club policy, gentlemen.

Everyone wears a coat and tie in the dining room.

Oh, you mean like this is a fancy place, right?

Give me the green card. Michael.

Michael Green.

I'm sorry. Have we met?

I'm Trevor Kane.

You're my agent.

I'm your client.

I came 3 ,000 miles.

Take it easy.

Take it easy? This is my life we're talking about here. What do you want

me? What do I want, you flesh peddler?

Carlton Whitehead is bringing a production of Lion in Winter to

like you to bring him to see my Richard.

In high school?

You want me to bring Carlton Whitehead to a high school? No, I want you to

Carlton Whitehead to see Trevor Cain play Richard III.

I don't care if it's in a high school. It could be in a toilet. But I'd be

brilliant. All right, all right.

I'll see what I can do.

Body snatcher.

Look at this place.

Hey, look at this.

Edmunds Day Go -Ox Extra.

I can't even pronounce anything on the menu.

Man, this is a fresh place.

Cain's got style.

He's got class.

He's got flair.

I that am curtailed of so fair proportion, cheated of feature by

dissembling nature, deformed, unfinished,

sent into this breathing world, scarce half made up, and that, So

lamely and unfashionable that dogs bark at me as I hope

by them.

Where did it go?

Mr. Kane?

Mr. Kane?

Schwartz, what do you want?

Rehearsal is tomorrow at 11 o 'clock.

Be there on time, ready to work.

Don't you have any sense of discipline?

Or any sense of responsibility?

How could you disappear with half my cast for the entire afternoon?

Schwartz, you are boring.

What? That's what I said, you are boring. How dare you criticize me?

I've experienced things you never dreamed of. Never could dream of.

I've lived my life on the edge. I've taken chances, risks.

What chances have you ever taken, Doris Schwartz? What risks?

And where do you think you'll end with your discipline and your sense of

responsibility? I'll tell you. In the sixth time we're married with four kids

hanging off your skirt. You are boring!

Well, Louis?

You've done it again?

On the road to happiness, some get lost and some get blessed.

Nothing certain but the way time flies.

Wish my heart were made of steel, but I laugh and hurt and feel.

Wondering if my star will ever rise.

Till I make the leap.

If I dare to dream, love will do the

rest. The fire's burning in my heart, I can't take second best.

It's no sin to try and fail When the wall's too high to

scale Still I wish I'd rise above the crowd

I will have it all someday

It's my time starting here, starting now.

If I just dream,

love will do the rest.

Fire's burning in my heart. I can't take second best.

Just came for you.

Aren't they beautiful?

Dearest Doris, forgive me.

You could never be born.

I love Trevor.

The winter of our discontent made glorious.

Damn it.

Come on, Cain, find it.

Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious.

Flowers.

Flowers.

You all right?

Do I look all right, Miss Schwartz?

Can I ask you a question?

Can I stop you?

Nobody ever has before.

What's your problem?

What do you know about fear?

Sure.

Have you ever been afraid?

Sure, lots of times.

What are you most afraid of?

Besides fire, you.

Besides me?

Not making it.

Ah.

Well, once you've made it, there's a whole new fear you have to get used to.

Losing it.

You haven't lost it.

Doris, what would you say if I told you that I hadn't been on a stage in years?

I've been... I'm almost ashamed to admit it.

Teaching.

Why would you be ashamed to say that?

Teaching is a wonderful thing.

And you're good at it.

The way you talked to those kids was so inspiring.

Yes, I know, I know.

But I'd rather be a major star.

Good point.

Look, even if you have lost it, it doesn't mean you can't get it back.

Is that a look of pity I see on your face, Schwartzy?

No.

Sympathy.

This is a sympathy look.

Pity is more like it.

Well, save your sympathy and save your pity, too, because I don't need it. I've

lived a life that most men only dream of. If I died tomorrow...

I'd still be way ahead of all the others.

So what do you want?

What?

More.

Another shot.

I'd like to leave them with something to remember me by.

I'll always remember you.

You were my reason for becoming an actress.

Really?

Yeah. Is that true, darling?

Central Park.

Hamlet. Aye.

You transformed a chubby kid from Jackson Heights into... Into a director.

I have only myself to blame.

I'll never forget that.

You were wonderful.

Will you stop talking about me in the past, Doris? I'm not dead yet.

As you will see on Saturday night when I knock their socks off.

You mean you're going to do the show?

How could I not?

I'm the best bloody actor in the world, playing the best part.

And I have the best director.

rehearsal, Swartzy.

Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sum of yoke.

That's it, Cain. Now you're getting it.

Well, Swartzy, you sure know how to pick them.

You see the man with the stage fright just standing up there to give it all.

And he got caught in the spotlight.

But when we get to the end, you want to start all over again.

I've got fire water right on my breath.

And the doctor warned me I might catch a death.

He said, you can make it in your disguise.

Just never show up.

He got caught in the spotlight.

But when we get to the end, he wants to start all over again.

from California, taxi fares, lunch at the Actors Club, two dozen roses for

Schwartz. Oh, those bills, yes. Why don't you send them to my business

Michael Green.

Michael Green, huh?

I'll make a note of that.

Excuse me, fella.

Hello, Trevor.

Michael, what are you doing here?

Slumming? I've got good news for you, Trevor.

Whitehead is coming to the performance tomorrow night.

Whitehead? And you came all the way over here to personally tell me?

Yeah. And as long as I'm here, I thought I might as well stick around, see the

dress rehearsal.

What's the matter, Michael? Afraid I can't do it?

I stuck my neck out for you on this one, Trevor. I don't want to be embarrassed.

Then you couldn't have become an agent, Michael.

Five minutes, Mr. King. Thank you. Dory, say hello to my agent, Michael Green.

Take him out into the auditorium and give him a good seat, right in the

He's about to see the dress rehearsal of his life.

Just a taste of what he can expect tomorrow night.

I mean, no problem.

You're going to be wonderful.

Like hell.

I'm Trevor Kane.

You're Louis Conklin. Shut up!

all I need.

Seven more years, bad luck.

You can do it, Louie.

You can do it.

Okay, everybody.

It's the final dress rehearsal. It's the last chance we're gonna have for it

tomorrow, so okay, I wanna see everything full out, alright?

Okay, bring the house to half.

Mr. Kane, places, please.

Alright, baby. You pulled it off.

A lot of work, but I think it was worth it. You bet.

Give me the spot.

Musicians, go.

And curtain.

And curtain.

Mr. Kane.

Richard.

He did it again.

Hello.

This is Quentin Morlock, School of the Arts.

Maya and Edith's a friend of your mother's, and she gave me your number,

I... Edith.

Quentin.

Quentin Morlock.

Hello?

He's had an hour, you've had an hour. Come on, Schwartz, you're in charge

And you have a show to put on tomorrow night.

We do? That's right.

Well, we can forget about Liberace.

Well, I hate to call in a favor, but I'll see if I can get Ed Koch.

You know the mayor of New York? Well, I taught ballet to his third cousin's

daughter. Honey, don't laugh. You try to get Liberace, this is worth a try. Can

Koch sing or dance?

Michelle, why do you still have your costume on?

I still think he's coming back.

After walking out on the dress rehearsal?

It was possible.

Forget it. He's split.

I don't believe it. Just like Dr.

Scorpio would have done it.

Vanished into space.

I said I don't believe it.

Hey, Mr. Kane knows how important this show is to him. Danny. He wouldn't just

get up and split, Schwartz. Danny, face it. We've been stood up. Trevor Kane is

a fraud. Hey, I resent that.

All right?

Trevor Kane is a great guy.

Doris, he made us feel important. He gave us something. He made us feel like

somebody. Well, we are important.

And we can do a show without Trevor Cain. You're right. Without Trevor Cain,

there is no show.

Wait a minute, Jess.

We're living on the edge here.

We can do this show. We're special people.

That's right. We've got magic.

Cassidy, you've got some songs in the bag. I want you to come up with a

Michelle and Nicole, you're going to sing. Nicole wants you to handle the

harmony. You guys get together afterwards.

Jesse, you're going to choreograph.

All right. Hey, hey, what are you going to do?

I'm doing it. I'm directing.

And a very good job.

All right.

What's everybody standing around for?

Another martini, Henry.

Just a spray of remover.

This time, could you give me a gold mermaid?

I love mermaids, Henry.

But it's strange, really, because I'm allergic to seafood.

I know you're there.

Hi, Mr. Kane.

Why are you here?

I don't know. I figured you'd be leaving soon.

I guess I just wanted one last chance to hang out with Dr.

Scorpio before you split.

Go home.

Look, I know how... Let me put that more clearly. Get out of here.

Feel about playing Dr.

Scorpio. Oh, do you? Do you really?

Who are you?

I'm a fan.

A fan of Dr. Scorpio. Don't say it.

Dr. Scorpio. You just said it. Why do you persist in reminding me of that

Because I don't think you know what you did in those films.

Well, of course I do.

I sold her.

Look, young man, if you've been appointed to drag me back to that...

Mr. Kane.

Do I look like I've ever been appointed to anything?

Let me give you my final word.

I will not be doing your show.

Okay, fine.

I can take a hint.

I'm out of here.

But I still don't think those films were trash.

I mean, they could have been, but you made them great.

You know, and a lot of guys can play Hamlet, but you're the only one who can

Dr. Scorpio.

From out of the darkest reaches of space comes a champion of good.

a bearer of the light of truth and justice, above and beyond all that was,

or could ever be, stands invincible, Dr.

Scorpio.

I wrote that myself.

universe, to the shining planet Earth, you have lost

the galaxy, a place of peace and rebirth.

When the night is in, it's not yet stated, and the world's a busy place.

You've got to be kidding.

Hello. What do you want?

Why did you come back? What are you doing here?

What do I want?

Why am I here?

I don't honestly know.

Both of you, excuse me. There's a show going on.

seems to be enjoying it.

What do they know?

is the only rational alternative.

Mr. Kane, you're boring.

What? You heard what I said. You are boring.

Let's talk about magic and feeling more and doing more and living other men's

dreams and existing on the edge and taking risks and taking chances. When

the last time you took a chance instead of running for the door when you get

scared? Schwartz!

What do you want from me?

I want to see the man who set an audience on fire.

My dear girl, that man does not exist.

That man is the same man that was just up on that screen.

He's just doing different stuff, and brilliantly, I might add.

He's the same man that's standing here right now.

Georgie, when I told you you were boring, at least I had the class to send

flowers.

Night is young.

Are they calling for me?

Well, then I can't see them.

You know, those Scorpio films weren't so bad, really, if you really look at them

carefully. I mean, they had a certain integrity.

I mean, Lear, Othello, Hamlet. I mean, anybody could play those parts, and

almost anybody has.

But there is only one Dr. Scorpio.

regions of space comes a messenger of good a bearer of the light of truth and

justice above and beyond everything that was is and ever could be stands the

invincible

School, $876 .36.

Do you think we'll ever see it?

They love me.

Who can blame me?

A couple of dozen roads.