Original subtitles

I hate aluminum siding.

I hate Uncle Vito. I hate Aunt Rosemary. And I hate Cousin Nunio.

Pop, I'm Danny Amatulo, man. I'm funny.

Tell me, why didn't you come back?

You said you was coming back. You promised me.

And you never did.

I'll make it up to you. Sure, you can make it up to me, but make it up to that

little kid.

The little kid you lied to, man. You're a liar.

What do you mean, what's so bad? Gina, face it. The kid just ain't funny. What

do you mean, I ain't funny?

Hey, I'm hysterical. You're hysterical, huh? You're so hysterical, but make me

laugh. Come on, tell me something. Make me laugh. All right, you guys, welcome

to Adonis. I heard it. Danny, Danny, wait.

Why do we have to argue?

Thanksgiving's coming up. We're going to have a nice dinner.

Uncle Vito will be there.

What? Uncle Vito?

I should have known.

The minute you mentioned the aluminum siding, I should have known, Uncle Vito.

Aluminum siding will be here forever.

You know, he never stops.

What are you doing here? I came to see you. Well, I hope you had a good look.

Excuse me.

Are you lost?

I sure am, lady. Anything I can do?

I wish.

Well, you know, we have rules about unauthorized people wandering around

grounds. You have some rules against a father visiting his own son?

Hey, hold on a second. What's the hurry?

Man, look, I know this was kind of sudden you showing up like this. Oh, no,

it wasn't sudden at all. I got a gig in a local club. Gonna be in New York for a

while. Maybe a long while. Where have I heard that before? I thought maybe we

could get together for Thanksgiving. Oh, that'll be a first. Look, I'm just

asking you to give me a chance.

When did you ever give me a chance?

Hey, Leroy.

And who's that guy looking for?

Nobody.

Yo, man, what the hell are you doing?

I'm giving the girl the show.

Hey, would you mind moving a little to the right? You're standing in front of

the peephole, blocking the sideline.

Yo, man, would you get serious for a second? I'm still waiting on your

No way, Amatulo. I told you, I got a good thing going to lose. I don't want

anybody else jumping on me. Yo, man, I'm not going to jump on it, man. All I

want to do is open up for you. You know, give your act a little class.

Why are you so good to me?

Yo, man, this is the perfect time for me to prove to my father that I got what

it takes to be a pro.

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

It's a very special room. It might be a little bit too intimate for a comic.

Yo, man, we're talking about a bowling alley.

We're talking about the lounge off of Bowling Alley. Big difference. That's a

real big difference. You know what, man? You can just forget it because I don't

need your help.

Yo, Amatula, what's so important you gotta prove it to your father?

Because he's my father.

I know where you're coming from.

I know where you're both coming from, and I say stop kidding yourselves.

It doesn't take that much to become a father.

Hello, all.

Oh, Mr. Morlock, here's the afternoon mail.

Whoa, I'm almost afraid to look. Probably another load of invitations

to share somebody's turkey.

There's nothing here that looks like an invitation.

You know, it's so hard to turn people down without offending them.

You know, it'd be so much easier if I had some definite place to go.

The diner down the street is advertising a special, a complete Thanksgiving

dinner with all the trimmings.

$3 .95. Sounds good to me.

Care to join me there, Benjamin?

No.

Vanellick. He's looking to horn in on Texas.

Good afternoon, Miss Sherwood. My house is full. I have aunts, uncles, a set of

twins. I don't have a single extra seat at my table. I'm sorry.

Miss Sherwood.

Miss Sherwood, listen, I wouldn't think of intruding on someone's Thanksgiving,

especially if every seat was taken.

Of course you wouldn't. Maybe I could bring my own chair.

Joke.

Hello?

I'm, uh, Quentin Morlock, vice principal.

Sergeant John, I'm waiting for Leroy. Oh, you're a relative of his?

Sergeant, I'm his father.

I'm afraid that's not possible.

Oh? Why not?

Because according to Leroy's file, his father's dead.

As you can see, it says right there, deceased.

And in Leroy's own handwriting.

And he certainly should know if his father is deceased or not.

Although I must admit, you certainly don't look dead.

Are you sure there isn't some mistake?

It's possible.

God knows it's hard enough keeping track of all the students with their comings

and goings.

We have a whole new battle.

arriving soon for midterm auditions.

Midterm auditions?

I

thought

I made it clear we had nothing to say to each other.

You did make it clear. Then what do you want?

To get an education.

Wait a minute, who are you jiving?

I always regretted dropping out of high school.

I figure I still got a lot to learn, and that's no jazz.

All it takes is one look at Leroy's face, and you see how bad that man is

hurting him.

Now, all this arguing's academic. We have no basis to deny Mr. Johnson

into this school. What about his age? Now, that man is too old to go to high

school. I'm sorry.

Too old to go to college.

Uh -uh -uh.

Age discrimination.

Come on, Benjamin. I was counting on you.

Sorry. You touched a nerve.

I'm sorry, too, Miss Grant, but the man meets all the requirements.

So we have no choice in the matter, have we? I'm afraid not.

We have to give him an audition and treat him just like any other applicant.

Fine. Let him audition, then. Fine.

He wants to come to this school as a dance major?

Then that means he has to come by me.

All right, Mr. Johnson, you are auditioning for the School of the Arts.

We are an elite bunch here.

Every time we have tryouts, we turn hundreds of kids away.

Kids that have lots of dreams and some more than a little bit of talent. You

my meaning, Mr. Johnson?

There's something bugging you, lady.

Yeah, something's bugging me.

Could it be Leroy?

Damn straight.

You got some kind of fake in this?

Or is he to you?

You're not his mother.

Thank God. I would hate to have been that woman.

I'll pass on that one.

Now, let's just say you might be talking about things you don't know too much

about. I know Leroy Johnson, and I also know that you don't.

You'd love it if I split, wouldn't you?

From what I understand, that wouldn't be too hard for you to do.

You're a tough lady, but you make your match this time, because I'm not going

let anything stop me from getting back with my son.

And I mean to do it the only way I know how.

Show me.

A shell? Yeah, a shell.

You're not talking

about Doris, are you?

Uh, lighten up, Matulo. I personally find your mother very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very,

very,

Help me relax.

Real effort, man.

Dang, I'm a tool.

Hi,

good evening, everybody.

You know, I'm a New Yorker. I'm a native New Yorker. You know something?

You can always tell a native New Yorker by his look. Check it out.

heckled all night by my own father.

You know, with Schwartz, you should have laughed a little harder.

Harder? I laughed so hard I coughed up a tonsil. You know what it's like telling

a joke to 40 people who look like an oil painting, Schwartz?

Mr. Johnson, you ever die on stage?

Die? Son, I've been shot at.

But I didn't let it stop me, and neither should you.

That's not what's stopping you.

It's Lou Mackey.

We got fired.

I didn't even get to sing my first number.

You can't ever set foot in that place.

Even the balls.

Leroy, your dad's been giving us some great showbiz tips.

Yeah, I bet.

Yeah, he taught Danny he who dies wins to die another day.

All right, everyone, let's cuddle down.

You can't let him get to you, Leroy.

It's too late for that. It is not.

Now, I want you to be a man and stand up for yourself.

Don't let him just push you out of the room.

Do you mind if I join you?

No, go right ahead.

All right.

You're not doing it, Leroy.

I'm not doing it myself.

Please. Please give me a chance.

Help me get back with my son.

Sure.

Because if you don't, there's always going to be something missing in Leroy's

life. Does something mean to you?

He's the answer to that.

I got a lot of dues to pay when it comes to people.

It's time I started paying.

So what's gotten out?

You closed the door.

You're the only one who can open it.

What do you say?

Will you help me?

Open up.

And let me have Vernon Johnson, you come down, and Leroy Johnson, you come down.

No, thank you, Miss Grant. I don't want to have crap in my style.

Come on, Leroy. Get into position. Come on. Wait, wait, wait. What's happening

here?

Miss Grant, he's gotten to you too now?

What are you talking about? I mean, he comes to my school, calls me up to my

friends, and I'm supposed to dance with him now.

I mean, he can follow me all around the school. He can sit with me in my English

class, but he cannot make me dance with him.

Leroy?

So they're going to quit, aren't they?

Two days in a row.

I wonder why.

Well, don't just stand there. Come here.

Yeah, take a good look around.

Say you want to get to know me. You want to see how I live.

As if you ever cared.

I'm here because I care.

Oh, we're a little late for that, man.

Come on here and check out this view.

Oh, you can get a real good look at the drunks in the alley from here.

What you stand over there for? Come look.

This is what you left me. This is your legacy.

Leroy, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry? What's that got to do for me? Damn it, boy.

When are you going to stop this? When are you going to stop cutting me off and

shutting me down? Never. I'm never going to stop doing this. You know what? Get

the hell out of here.

I ain't going until I say what I came to say.

There's a whole lot you don't know about me.

First off, I ain't been living much better than this.

Now, maybe I was selfish. Maybe. Okay.

I was selfish.

I wanted to.

I wanted to dance.

When I married your mother, she wanted it too. Believe her. No, she's in this.

She wanted me to stop.

She wanted me to stop dancing. She wanted you to make a living. And I

Telling me not to dance is like telling a bird not to fly.

I had to fly, boy.

I had to fly.

And don't tell me you can't understand that.

Because I see it in you.

So just tell me, why didn't you come back? You said you were coming back. You

promised me.

And you never did.

I'll make it up to you.

Sure, you can make it up to me, but make it up to that little kid.

The little kid you lied to, man. You're a liar.

I want to come back.

Listen, don't cut it no more.

Don't cut it with me.

That's like I wrote you off a long time ago. You're dead to me. No, no.

Don't say that. I'm saying it and I mean it. You're dead to me. No, don't say

that. You're dead. Don't say that.

Now, listen to me.

John, you defaced official school property.

When I write something about somebody's mother on the bathroom wall, then I've

defaced school property.

But I just don't understand.

First you write that he's deceased.

Then you offer the record.

That's because Roy Johnson is alive, he's well, and he's living right here in

New York City. That's all well and good. But you just can't go around killing

people off and then bringing them back to life as the mood suits you. You know

what? He's also dancing in a club not far from here. You never go dancing,

Berg. That's wonderful.

See, Roy Johnson, what's gotten into you.

If just anybody goes on changing the records, when will it all end?

Well, I understand your frustration, Mrs. Berg, but I think we can make an

exception in this case.

You'll just initial this, Leroy?

I'll witness it.

Great.

Now it's official.

Thanks, Mr. Morlock. Thank you.

Mr. Morlock.

My family and I would be delighted if you would join us for Thanksgiving

Is that thirsty?

I think I'm free.

Jump, spin, tell them blues that you're in to get out.

Thanksgiving feast down at the diner down the street.

Sounds good, but it's a shame, though.

I mean, to be eating dinner at some lonesome diner when you have a woman

perfectly capable and willing to bake that big bird for you.

Leroy! See if we can cancel our reservation.

Under one condition.

What?

Let's do the celebrating in my house. I've never had people give a dinner at

place before.

I think that's a fine idea.

Thank you, Miss Grant.

Thank you.

Thanks, Vernon.

Well, I think I better get ready for class.

You better do some warming up today, too.

I'm really going to put you off from some moves.

And you're just the lady who can do it.

Well, come on. Aren't you going to get ready and let's get to it? The class

isn't here yet.

Oh, right.

And when it is, I won't be.

What, are you dropping out of school already?

No,

I don't want to take up the slot if it can go to some kid.

Real miss?

I ain't going that far.

Miss Grant?

Yes? May I have Sam?

I know.

The man is a sweaty, normie sleazebag. Okay, so it's not

perfect. But the only way we can get back in his club is if you throw him a

piece of bait.

Bait? Meaning me?

What's up? The guy's crazy about you. What do you think?

And I don't know Lou. His only weaknesses are cigars, girls, and

So buy him a pan and tell him some Mushu pork and leave me alone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Listen, my uncle is really coming this time. And if I can make him laugh just

one time, I'll never have to hear the word Lou inside him again. So please do.

Even if I was going to, which I am not, how am I supposed to convince this

pervert into taking you two guys back?

You go to the bowling alley.

You tell Lou how much you liked our act and that you can't wait to see it again.

That's all.

Well, you feel a little flirtatious. You know, you put the makeup on. You know

how to get sexy. Maybe flash a little thigh.

Forget I said that.

Why do I do these things?

Because you love me.

You owe me another life hammer too long. Well, don't worry. We'll both be there.

We should do it, man.

There's just one thing, though. This time I opened for you.

Every day I strive for you with love.

We have to go through the storm to be the sun.

Why can't we just give up?

Don't walk out and break up.

My mother, my uncle Vito, my aunt Rosemary, even my cousin Nunzio.

What does your cousin Nunzio do?

Wax fruit.

Well, good luck. Have a good set.

I'm not staying. Hey, you gotta.

Hey, Lou won't let me go on if you ain't here.

Listen, friends of mine, we're talking about a major league slime out here who

thinks he just won me on dream date.

He does. You're in public. What can he do?

I don't think it's going to work out between the two of us. Why not, babe?

a May -December romance could be a beautiful thing.

Yeah, well, I can't stand the smell of cigar smoke.

I'll quit.

Uh, I hate Chinese food.

I'll eat Italian.

I'm Jewish. So am I!

Hey, hey.

Well, I want to thank you for coming and sharing your Thanksgiving with us and

bowling a few frames and, well, sitting down and watching my act.

You know, I have some of my relatives in the audience. My aunt Rosemary and my

uncle Vito.

You know, this is a rare occasion for them when they don't get to go out that

much. I mean, my uncle's idea of formal attire is a t -shirt with sleeves.

I can't do that.

My uncle and my aunt come from a small village in Naples. And everybody thinks

novel irans, well, they're involved with the mob, they're thugs, they're this,

they're that. Well, they're not. They're average people.

Like, look at them right now. They're sitting down, having a drink, watching

aunt with their parole officers. It's great.

We'll have to help them find a great child.

I thought you were Jewish.

I don't want to see that.

I think they're just going to the restaurant, right?

Like I said, we're a very tight family. We do everything together, right?

on show.

You don't know that, but are you?

Oh, yes, I do.

Well, something must have happened. Something must have come up.

Yeah, something better.

I mean, not the way it is with him. Not the way it's always been.

My mistake was I bought his line again.

People disappoint people, Leroy.

That's a part of life.

This is the last time.

I swear to God, this is the last time.

How was your annual gathering of the clan?

Did they survive the presence of our own Mr. Morlock?

Let me put it this way.

There's at least one marriage that will never be the same.

And the twins aren't speaking.

They were always so close.

Miss Sherwood, I can't thank you enough for that dinner. I'm still...

I'm sorry I ate all the stuffing. It didn't occur to me you hadn't made a

bowl. Anyway, I hope your Uncle Charlie isn't too upset that I took all this

money. I thought he was going to lose his lunch when my team scored a

the last 30 seconds.

He isn't accustomed to losing.

You know what I ought to do?

Give him a chance to get even.

The bowl games, they go on all day.

Your place, New Year's Day.

Better yet, Christmas Eve. We'll make some eggnog, decorate the tree. Listen,

wouldn't invite the police if I were you.

work is.

That's why I didn't come up.

I didn't know how to break the news to Leroy.

I just couldn't.

So you're leaving again?

You know how it is. It's a rough business.

Yeah, tell me about it. It's a rough life.

You know, it must really be nice to have the road as an excuse for everything.

I'm not trying to excuse what I did. Well, good, because you can't.

And to think that I helped you.

I helped you hurt him. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all of it.

Not only did I blow it with Leroy, I blew it with you, too.

We could have had something. We could have had nothing.

And don't be sorry for standing me up, Mr. Johnson.

Apologize to your son.

You've been standing him up all his life.

to go on the road again.

I couldn't do it, Leroy.

I couldn't sit at the same table knowing there was a lavishness.

It's been too much of that already.

You're looking at me just the way your mother used to look at me.

She never understood.

Maybe she understood too much.

I tell her how much I loved her.

How much I loved you.

She always knew I was leaving her.

And I saw her love for me turn bitter.

Just like yours is turning bitter right now.

I guess I've run out of excuses.

I am what I am, Leroy.

Whatever that is.

Maybe my mistake was thinking I could change.

I can't be what I'm not anymore.

I wish I could.

Okay.

Well, I've got a flight to catch to the Windy City.

I've been saying I'm sorry about a lot of things.

But one thing I'm not sorry about is you.

When I see you dance, Leroy, I feel proud.

Because I know, I know I did something right in this life.

I've been looking all over for you. Lou.

Easy for you.

Oh, I can't accept these.

Somebody else?

Schwartz. Yes.

Oh, Quentin Morlock, Lou Mackey.

I was just telling Lou how much you mean to me.

Well, thanks, Doris. I like to think that my being vice principal here has

positive influence on all the students.

You're her vice principal?

I just love a man with authority.

That's disgusting.

No wonder the SAT scores are down.

I heard you knocked him dead the other night for bowling out.

Hey, kid.

Enjoy.

It's better than good. Looks like you like my act.

Wish I could say the same about my father.

Why, is he ragging you trying to get you to go into a movie or something?

Not only that, he thinks I disrespected the family by saying a couple of jokes

about my relatives.

You know, I go on stage and I get a few laughs and figure the guy's gonna be

happy, right?

Or is mad.

Like that movie.

Maybe you should stop trying to change him.

Then what am I supposed to do?

I don't know, just let him be.

Why, he won't let me be. He was trying to change me, there's something I'm not.

No, no, no, no, you can't do that, man. You are what you are. He is what he is,

so I guess we just stuck with each other, right?

Hold on, Danny, let's talk about each other.

What?

Danny, man, he's still your father.

He sure is.

Hey, Danny, come on, hold it. You want to make your uncle beat on this

complaint?

No, no, I wasn't, Danny.

There you go.

Hey, Danny.

Attention, please.

Attention, please.

Flight 39 now departing for Chicago from gate 17.

Take care of yourself. Stay out of trouble. Have a good flight.

your future.

Take advantage, kiddo.

You know, Pop, I love you.

And I want you to love me, but I can't change. I gotta be who I am.

Come on, of course you can change.

People change every day.

Hey, Pop, I wanna be in show business.

I at least gotta give it my best shot, right? That's fine, that's fine. You

it your best shot. You take two or three months and then you go into a woman in

siding, huh?

Come on, let's go.

Danny, I'm a tool, man. I'm funny.

It's crazy.

This is your fault. This comes from your side of the family. The kid is nuts.

He's not nuts.

You're nuts.

What? You're nuts because you can't see that he's funny.

And I'll tell you something else. I hate your brother, too. And his lousy wife.

And Nunzio, you want to talk about a nut?

That's a nut. Dana, what the hell's the matter with you? Shut your fat mouth,

Carlisle. You bet I do.

The kid says he's funny, then he's funny.

And if you can't appreciate it, then it's your problem.

And we're going home right now. And if you want to consider yourself a part of

this family, you better start laughing every time this kid opens his mouth.

Thanks, Mom.

Hey, Pop.

Yeah?

I see that.

I'll be there.

You know what would have been nice?

If we could have danced together.

We've been looking for a sign.

Nothing can make us be.

We've got

to

move away.

People have got to think that we're

Don't be ready.

That is what.