All language subtitles for S03E03 - Hail to the Chief

The president of the United States is on
line three. That dip sticks at it

again, huh? President of the United
States is coming and I'm not in the

The computer kicked

something back at us. What you got
going? One of the teachers here comes up

security risk.

The powers that be don't want anything
in the show that might be considered

offensive to the president or the
administration.

Take your time. I'm still studying for
this French test, and I'm a million

away.

All right, okay, count 5, 6, 7, 8, then
hit it.

Okay, 5, 6, 7, 8, then hit it.

You're the innocent type, so young, so
wild.

You know what to do.

You got lips so wet, make me forget.

Show me things that make.

New arms.

My love is safe and warm.

Private eyes make it easy to see how
much I like what my lover boy's doing to

me.

And make it a trio.

Are you serious?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, wow.

This is going to be dynamite.

Right. You'll want to cancel.

Donovan, too. Got it. School of the
Arts.

Yes, Mrs. Benzer.

Yes, it does look bad out there, but
maybe you could try.

Oh, the children have worked so hard
putting on this show.

Couldn't you take a cab?

It's a fundraiser to make a...

here. Don't you want to help us out?

Sir, I think it's possible to be
negative without being obscene.

Sick people.

Well, you know, it's the kind of thing
that means so much to the kids.

No, I don't know what genius scheduled
the show the same day the World Series

opened. The people around here, how can
I phrase this?

They're not heavily into sports.

But listen, you know, on the other hand,
It is raining. They could cancel the

game.

If I were in your place?

Well, if I were in your place, frankly,
I'd put a six -pack on ice, pop a cold

one, and figure that the umpires aren't
going to cancel the game because by the

time they figure out it's raining, the
World Series will be over.

Oh, right, Mom.

Well, I hope your cold gets better.

Sure would like for you to make it.

The kids would love to meet you.

Okay, bye.

It's my mom. She's not feeling very
well.

Probably needs a new flea cow.

Miss Grant, ever since this storm hit,
I've had nothing but calls canceling. A

rational person would postpone this
benefit.

Mr. Morlock, there's an old saying.

I know. The show must go on. No, that
isn't what I was going to say.

Science teachers don't tell dance
teachers about postponing shows.

Old saying?

About eight seconds old.

My mother's a duck pit breath.

Eat worms and die.

Darn!

Don't get all bent. It was just Amatulo.
He was disguising his voice, saying

that the President of the United States
would like tickets for the show tonight.

That boy's going to be the death of me.
Yeah, he ought to be in makeup

somewhere. Go ahead, poke your head out
there. You'll see him walking away from

the phone in the lobby.

I'll take care of that.

Amatulo, are you...

The

President of the United States is on
line three.

That dipstick's at it again, huh?

You listen to me, you mindless twerp.
We've got enough trouble around here

without you.

Quentin Moorlach.

Vice Principal.

Yes, sir.

Quiet, everybody, quiet.

This man on the phone says he's with the
president's party. That it looks like

the game's going to be rained out. He
won't be throwing out the first ball

all.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

We'd be honored, sir.

May I ask how you heard about our little
production at our little school here?

I see.

Yes, sir.

That's very funny, sir.

Very well put. Very apt, I may say.

We'll be looking forward to it.

Goodbye, sir.

I just spoke to the President of the
United States of America.

But that's what I told you.

And he's coming here tonight to see our
show.

Mr. Morlock, are you sure someone isn't
pulling off some kind of elaborate joke?

Miss Sherwood, I worked summers as an
usher in Carbondale, Illinois. I saw

Cattle Queen of Montana over 20 times,
one of his best westerns, and I

you... That was his voice.

Doris Schwartz. Give me a break.

Mrs. Schwartz, I'm swearing you to
secrecy. Not one student's supposed to

about this. Not one. Now, you go around
them. Every teacher, get them up here in

one quick hurry, but not one student.
All teachers, no students. Scouts on us.

Mr. Mandelhoff, if you can't keep the
tempo, there's no hope for this

and even less for this show.

Mr. Swarovski!

Not now, Cookie.

But... The rest of you sound like a
junior high school stumbling man. What's

wrong with everyone tonight?

Mr. Swarovski, Mr. Morlock needs to see
you in the office. It's an emergency.

To Morlock, everything is an emergency.
His ulcers have migraines.

It's too high, Mr. Reardon. No, it's
not. It's perfect.

Look, it sounds tinny and forced. It's
right where it ought to be.

Slow down.

Mr. Reardon, the problem isn't the key.

Meaning?

Meaning, if you can't sing the top, then
why not let someone else try?

Pardon me, Miss Eva.

Look, if you would have shown up for
rehearsal, we could have straightened

out by now, all right? Look, Mr.
Reardon, you've got to settle this.

I have to vote, then someone will end up
hating me, and I need to be liked. I

took a cosmo test. It said so.

Mr. Reardon, Morlock needs to see you in
his office right away.

Compromise. Sure, right.

Doris, what's going on?

You wouldn't believe this.

What?

Miss Grant, Mr. Morlock needs to see you
in the office now. Triple important.

Buck it up, child. You look like you
need a respirator.

Hang on to this, Michael. I'll be right
back. Calm down, honey.

Doris, what's going on?

Now I gotta, I'm real busy. I'm so glad
you picked up the phone. This is so

exciting. Warlock said I couldn't tell
any of the students.

Uh, can we get some service here,
please?

Yeah, sure. I'll be right with you. I
think I realized that you're not one of

the students. So to be okay, this is so
exciting.

Darth, what are we talking about? Quick.

The president is coming to our show
tonight.

Uh, excuse me.

The president of the United States is
coming to our show and I gotta be the

lousy stage manager. Can you believe
that, Locke?

Darth. That's really nice. I'll call you
back later.

Mr. Reardon, as director, I'm counting
on you to make sure the show's in good

taste. No bedtime for bonzo jokes,
agreed?

I'll pass the word.

Don't pass the word. Give the word.

Miss Grant, I need to talk to you about
pelvic thrusts.

One more time?

Pelvic motions, movements, gyrations.

Uh, Woody, are you talking about
something like this? I mean... You know

perfectly well what I'm talking about.

That is not appropriate for the
President of the United States.

Right. You look like a damn fool doing
one of those things.

Am I the only one here who's treating
this matter with the seriousness it

deserves? Mr. Morlock, speaking for
myself, although I suspect there's some

others here who would agree, we're being
had.

Miss Sherwood, Quentin Morlock does not
get had ever in any sense.

Poor baby. Look, we're dealing with
kids, talented, bright, wonderful kids

would love nothing better than to pull
off a great practical joke.

And they have the training to imitate
just about anyone you can think of.

In Carbondale, Illinois, I saw Cattle
Queen of Montana.

Excuse me, there are some gentlemen out
here to see you.

See who, Mrs. Burke?

Well, they asked to see the person in
charge.

They are talking about me.

That'll be his promotion, obviously.

Evening, I'm Quentin Morlock. Anything I
can do to help you?

Special Agent Crane, Secret Service.

We'd like to know where we can put our
metal detectors, Mr. Morlock.

Please, uh, call me Quentin.

Mr. Morlock sounds so official.

That's because it is.

Okay, we're gonna have... listen the
same way we did down in baltimore berlin

you take the first level stroller
conyers the second miller jordan the

know there isn't much time but don't go
cutting any corners because of that okay

let's do it now then yes sir is there
some place where i

could have access to a phone and a
little privacy Well, the teacher's

I'll take you there right now. No,
you'll take me there in a minute. Yes,

in a minute, right.

These people are members of my teaching
staff.

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Crane.
I'm more or less the man in charge

during these kinds of things.

Now, this sort of unscheduled stop can
be a bit hectic on all concern.

Therefore, we ask that you understand
and bear with us.

You can count on my staff, sir. They'll
do whatever's necessary.

I'll see to it personally.

President, we'll be very glad to hear
that.

So I call him pig breath and I hang up
the phone because I figure it's got to

him. Why has it got to be me?

Because you've got to admit that calling
up and pretending to be an aide to the

president is the kind of dumb jerk thing
you would do. You know, you have such a

sweet way with words, Doris. All right,
Doris, what is the point? Look, the

point is the president is coming tonight
to see our show.

Maybe he got my letter.

You wrote him a letter?

An invitation.

I never thought he would accept.

I can see it now.

Hey, Prez, if you happen to be in town,
you ain't doing nothing.

We're giving a show, so drop by, all
right?

That's about what I said.

Though I went into more detail.

Secret Service?

Hey.

You people in the show tonight?

Yeah, that's us.

Do you all have some kind of a student
ID card?

Yeah, sir.

Keep them on you. You'll need to show
them as we get closer to his arrival.

Sorry about the interruption.

His arrival?

Man, he's coming.

We're actually going to be performing
for the president tonight.

That pulse is like beating.

We have to go rehearse. We got to find
Michelle. Michelle!

I'm not

in

the show.

President of the United States is
coming, and I'm not in the show.

I can believe it.

I'm not in the show either.

He's in the show.

Leroy, you're in the show. What are you
talking about?

I'm not talking. I'm walking.

Leroy!

Later, Doris.

Miss Grant!

Yes, that's correct.

As soon as possible.

Yes, sir.

Thank you very much.

It's all yours.

I don't need you to see this number.
Could you stand over there?

You bet.

Where are the rest of the teachers?

They're in Sherwood's room, staying out
of your way. Good.

I just set out for coffee and sweet
rolls and things for your people. Fine.

No alcoholic beverages or anything like
that.

Seven, three, eight, two, three.

Bravo Sequoia.

Should I have heard that? That changes
every day.

Of course it does.

You know, I love those pictures he made
of that little monkey.

Okay, Williams.

I got a long list and not much time, so
punch this in as high priority.

First name on the list is Morlock
Quinton.

Social Security number 790 -30 -9400.

New York State driver's license,

M15752745104107289.

Expires July 10th, 86th.

Right.

One double -A key with a lemon twist for
good measure.

Service with a smile, here you go.

Thanks.

Is that great?

Don't count on it.

So I hear there's big happenings at the
school tonight.

Yeah, that's what they say.

And you're real excited about it. That's
what I like about you.

Yeah, well, I can think of a few hundred
things I'd rather be doing than

performing for that guy.

So that's why you're sitting here down
in double iced teas so close to curtain

time. Yeah, and that's why I'm going to
be right here until the show is over.

You know, what's why?

You don't like a guy's politics when you
flake out of his show?

My Uncle Ben.

Love is right.

Look, I have Uncle Ben who works for the
Department of Transportation.

Something like that up in Detroit.

And they let his job go.

I mean, he was there for 10 or 15 years,
Bruno.

I mean, if he heard that I was
performing for the guy that lost him his

probably...

All right, you're out of his will.

I'll probably make sure I need a will.

See, that's why I can't do this show,
Bruno. It's a family thing.

There's more than one family involved
here. You've got to remember that.

that family and there's the family back
at school. What about them?

Well, I don't know about all that, but
I... When a tree falls in the forest and

there's no one around to hear it, does
it make a noise?

Who knows?

Who cares?

At least I'm doing something.

That's the important thing.

Hey, Bruno.

Yeah? They need this order delivered
over at your old school. Pronto.

You got it.

You know, you should be the one to take
this order to the school if they need

you more than they need me.

Your order's getting cold.

Yeah, all right. Thanks a lot.

That's a hot shot, will ya?

because I don't think we should do this
number.

You're not serious, are you? Yes, very.

Okay, what are you talking about,
Michelle? Before, you thought the number

great. I did, I know.

What then?

Well, it's too hot.

Look, my mom and dad voted for this guy,
and they think he's the greatest thing

since sliced bread.

And this number is...

What, funky? Funky, yes. Thank you.
Funky. I don't think it's right to be

for the President of the United States.

Michelle, we're just showing him what
kids here are about. That's all.

Michelle, he went to bat for the Beach
Boys.

That's Sandy. I'm talking funky here.

I'm not going to bail out on you guys.

And I've got a great alternative. It's
still a good trio number, and it's still

good to do for the President.

Just maintain an open mind.

Give me a chance to convince you, okay?

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,

bing. Mr.

Sandman, bring me a dream.

Make him the cutest that I've ever seen.

Give him two lips like roses and clover.

getting the hang of it then.

What did you think, Mr.

Sharofsky? Everyone take five.

Mr. Mendenhall, I'd like to speak to you
for a moment.

Don't worry, Mr.

Sharofsky. I'll have it together by
showtime. I'm sure I will.

I wish I was sure.

Mr. Mendenhall, please don't take what
I'm about to say personally.

Because certainly it's thrown no fault
of your own that you have been unable to

master the orchestra.

I take full responsibility.

But I cannot allow you to conduct the
orchestra this evening.

It wouldn't be fair to anyone.

Most of all you.

You understand?

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

Would you be replacing me as conductor
if the president wasn't coming?

Dwight.

I honestly don't know.

And I honestly don't know whether I
would have written that letter if I'd

it was going to get me fired.

No, Mom, the blue one is the one I need.

No, not the pink one. It looks like a
smurf threw up.

I need the blue one with the piping.

I don't know. Look on the floor of the
closet.

Well, then you'll iron it.

Mom, will you just go look for it? I'll
hold on.

Eddie, the computer kicked something
back at us. What you got going? One of

teachers here comes up a security risk.

They recommend we detain. Then we'll
detain. Who's the teacher?

English teacher.

Elizabeth Sherwood. Hey, let's go.

So, what about the United Coalition
Against Foreign Interventionism?

That was a student organization, Mr.
Crane. College.

Getting your feet wet in the big, bad
world.

You remember college. It's that time
when kids are supposed to rebel.

Is it?

Didn't you?

They didn't encourage rebellions at West
Point.

I see.

Your group had some encounters with the
police.

You've got an arrest record.

I didn't know that.

It was a sit -in at the school library.

For what?

Misdemeanor vandalism, and the charges
were dropped.

After college, you joined a peace group
and tried to crash a conference where

the Secretary of State was the keynote
speaker.

My heavens.

Nine years ago, you had a bad tax on it.

Well, I'll be... I resent your quoting
my life to me, Mr. Crane. What about

I don't happen to have access to your
files.

Well, go on.

Don't you have the part about how when I
was seven I stole some candy from

Gallagher's grocery?

As the twig is bent. I'm sorry, Miss
Sherwood, I can't give you security

clearance. Regulations require that we
detain you until the president completes

his visit.

You're serious, aren't you?

That's correct.

So, why don't we make this awkward
situation a pleasant one for all

Penny for your thoughts, dearie.

What? Just wondering whether or not
you've changed your mind.

About what?

About what you told that friend of
yours.

Not wanting to do the show you're
supposed to be in.

Oh, pardon the eavesdropping. A person
in my line gets in the habit after a

while.

Well, I'm not doing no show.

You're sure about that now?

Yes, I'm sure of that. And what's the
matter to you?

Well, personally, I'd prefer a big hunk
like you not be here.

But if you're determined to stay, I just
have to get to work.

You're kidding, right? You've got to be
kidding.

Sonny, Mr.

Smith and Mr.

Wesson have no sense of humor.

Well, um, maybe you're right. Maybe I
should join my friend and go do the

Darling.

This is the show.

Get away from that cash register.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Such a pleasure to be in your company.

This is a gun.

Which means that I'm the most
influential person in this room at the

I propose we all play a little game.

I ask you for some things you may have.

And you give them to me.

Now the game begins.

With all of you taking out your wallets,
your purses.

and placing all currency on the table
for my inspection.

You may begin.

No, they do sound better. You were
right.

I'm usually right, my darling.

Usually right and usually tactful.

You're talking about Dwight.

Talking about Dwight.

No amount of tact would have helped if
he fell on his face tonight.

You selected him for it.

My mistake.

You get another opportunity when he's
ready. You know the system.

Yeah, I know the system. I just don't
know if you handle it all that well.

Dwight suffered a beating because of
that.

I need these supportive conversations in
my belly. No one can make me feel quite

the way you do.

Mr. Sharofsky, I need to find Dwight
Mendenhall.

He isn't here. Well, where is he? The
president wants to meet him. Don't you

realize that he's the one who wrote that
letter?

I heard that.

I was about to go look for him.

Talk about this.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My
name is Danny Amatullo, and I'm your

for tonight. Danny.

I was just practicing.

Yeah, so I see what I tell you about
rehearsing in front of a mirror.

I know, to never do it. It's just a hard
habit for me to break.

You got to start sometime.

All right, well, next time will be
sometime.

Okay.

But, Danny, I have to ask you to do
something, and believe me, if it was up

me, I wouldn't.

But there's been some concern from
certain quarters over any possible

embarrassment during tonight's
performance. It might possibly be

Wait, wait, wait. Talk English, okay?

Cool it on the political stuff. Aw, come
on, man. You gotta be kidding me. You

of all people, you gotta be putting me
on. No, you just don't. No, no, no. What

do you mean, we? Okay, look, the powers
that be don't want anything in the show

that might be considered offensive to
the president or the administration.

Big deal. Look, it's not me. I'm just
delivering a message, okay? So you're in

here telling me, right, so?

Sorry to interrupt.

Has anyone seen Dwight Mendenhall?

No.

Me either.

Not on an underwire bra, you think
that's it?

Oh, Mrs. Grant.

Do you know where Doris is? I've got her
closed here. She'll have a conniption

fit if I don't get her to her right
away.

Over here, Mitch.

We got some coffee over here if you'd
like some. Yes, please.

Well, the clouds are breaking. Clear it
up a bit.

I hope it keeps up, frankly. My garden
can use it, and I'm not that much of a

baseball fan.

Well, cowboys do here at Exile.

We'll be back in D .C. by 12 o 'clock.

Mr. Crane, that briefcase, what is that?

That is it.

Here, come.

You know something? You're really good.

I mean, I've never heard a tuba played
like that before.

This is a sousaphone, not a tuba.

And that's what I am, too.

Wait a minute. You're a sousaphone?

A sousaphone player.

Just that.

Nothing more.

I'm not a composer.

I'm not a conductor.

I'm a sousaphone player.

Papa, Papa.

You know, Dwight, I don't know what it
is about tonight, but I find myself

giving a lot of advice to a lot of
people.

If you don't want to hear what I have to
say, that's fine, because frankly, I'm

getting tired of it myself.

I was in the auditorium when
Swarovski... Bruno, if you don't mind,

not talk about it.

Fine.

Fine.

Then listen.

You see, I was once the hot shot music
major, okay? I was going to turn this

place upside down. I was the school of
the arts' very own Amadeus.

Then I discovered something.

I discovered that if my ego were
infinite, my knowledge of music wasn't.

See, I was put in the conductor's chair
just like you. I blew it just like you.

I wasn't ready by any stretch of the
imagination.

That doesn't mean that you won't be.

Not as long as you keep on working at it
and never give up for anything.

I just wanted you to know that.

Thank you, Bruno.

It was nice of you to come and tell me
that.

It doesn't help, frankly, but it was
nice of you anyway.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, one more thing.

Morlock wanted you to know that the
President of the United States wants to

you.

On your way, I'm too low, I've got to
change my clothes. Yeah, right, okay.

Mom, thanks so much for doing this. Can
you imagine if I had to wear this when I

met the President?

Ta -da!

What is that?

When my father was nominated for the
very prestigious Stilton Award, he

me this twit of a ceremony.

It was the most wonderful night of my
life. I was so thrilled. I was so

beautiful. Oh. Mom, I can't wear this
thing. It has petticoats. I look like

Mondo Hips on Parade. I can't wear this
when I meet the... Oh, Mom, you don't

know anything. I look like such a wart
in that dress. Now, Doris. I ain't gonna

do it.

There's no way.

I mean, Reardon can blow it out the
other end for all I care.

Man, I'm going to tell him that.

This is a dress you bury Mary Poppins
in, not a dress for a person.

Doris, this will be the most wonderful
night of... No, you're right. This is

going to be the most wonderful night.
You want to know why?

Because I'm going to tell Reardon he
could stick it in his ear.

Really lightening up over there.

Going to the head.

That's from the other side of a drinking
fountain my guys will show you.

I thought you were asleep.

Just being in the room with that... I
can't tell you what that does to me

inside. I know what you mean.

Do you?

Really?

Is that tough for you to believe?

Yeah.

I...

I just think you and I have different
points of view about some things.

Do you remember where you were when
President Kennedy was assassinated?

Sure.

Do you remember where you were when the
attempt was made on President Reagan?

Yes. Well, isn't it sad that it would
take something like that to make us

realize?

That we're all in this thing together.

You're a pretty fair country teacher,
Miss Crane.

If I owe you an apology... You owe me
some quiet. They're trying to get in

with me.

Mrs. Bird, this thing can bury the
notion that the kids in this school are

rebels. Now, we put on a nice little
show, pleasant, polite, respectful.

The people on the outside hear about it.
They say, hey, maybe they can civilize

these savages, turn them into little
ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, I've been looking for an occasion
like this.

Excuse me, please.

You look real nice.

Amatulo.

Listen. Hey, if you're trying to muscle
me, man, I'm telling you... Amatulo,

listen. If you so much as change one
word of that monologue, I will

see to it that you're flunked out of
this school so fast your head will spin.

Yeah, what are you saying?

I'm saying that sometimes adults need
kids to remind them not to chicken out.

That's what I'm saying.

The fact that I'm occasionally gutless
doesn't mean you have to follow suit.

Got that can you talk me into it?

Mr.. President it's an honor

It's in some bag lady's car with a bunch
of other people's clothes and her gun.

Except she turned out to be a he.

Leroy. I'm innocent.

McGrath, I am innocent. Look, ask these
two guys.

Where in the hell is the president?

He's on his way to Yankee Stadium, Mr.
Muller.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news,
but the rain stopped.

They took the tarp off the field and
they're going to try and get the game

He's on his way there now.

So you mean... He's not going to be here
at all?

This is just going to be a regular show?

Sorry.

Yeah, you speak for yourself.

What else is there for me to say?

Around here, Mr. Crane, there's only one
thing to say.

Places, everybody.

Good enough has never been good enough
for me.

All the things I want in life never have
come free.

But even if it's a hard climb, you
should know from the start. I'm making

taking it to the top. I'm breaking it
open, I'm getting hot. I'm shaking it,

nothing is gonna stop me now.

I'm breaking it, hoping I get it. I'm
taking it, but I'm gonna show you

how.

If there's a winner, it might as well be
me.

I'm no good at leaving well enough
alone.

I've never been afraid to go for it on
my own.

Even when life is not there, you can bet
I'll be.

Make it to the top, never gonna stop.
Make it to the top, I'll keep on going.

Make it to the top, never gonna stop.

Make it to the top, I'll keep on going.

Hold it.

All of you, we're not done here yet.

We have one more act on the bell.

We do, if I might say so, at least.

Mr. Mendenhall wrote a letter that very
nearly got the President of the United

States to come see us.

I don't know about anyone else, but I,
for one, am very curious about such a

letter.

No.

I can't.

I didn't save a copy, and I don't really
remember what I said.

Try reading it, then.

The press sent a copy over.

I've already read it.

I think it's worth hearing, Joy.

Dear Mr. President, my name is Dwight
Mendenhall, and I'm a student here at

York City School of the Arts.

I must tell you, Mr. President, that a
lot of people don't seem to think much

this school.

They claim it's nothing more than a pipe
dream factory.

Well, it seems to me that the best
things we do in this world involve

one sort or another.

There was a time when freedom was a
dream here.

And there are places in the world where
that's still so, I guess.

But at least part of that dream's come
true.

And the dream of respect between people,
and the dream of peace for kids not

even born yet, I guess we're still
working on those.

But that's what this school is about,
working on dreams.

So if you'd like to see a really
wonderful place,

Well, we're having a fundraiser a week
from today.

Maybe if you're free that night, you
could stop by and meet everybody.

Look forward to hearing from you, your
friend, Dwight Mendenhall.

Bet I'm the only one that voted for him,
though.