Original subtitles

SHAW BROTHERS (HK) LTD. A SHAW STUDIOS PRODUCTION

(Engine throbbing)

Jan-sheng,

you've seen a lot of doctors already, and you're still sick.

(Coughing)

You're getting worse every day.

I think you'd better...

Don't you worry. I can still manage.

I'll take care of my own funeral.

Hey! Don't get me wrong.

What I mean is, your assets, someone should take care of them for you.

Hmm!

I knew what you were after all along.

You're only interested in my assets.

Hey, there's only three of us.

Our big brother's dead, and you don't have too long.

The assets you have, you should let Little Brother take care of things.

Nonsense!

Even though I'm still a bachelor,

I wouldn't let a man like you have my assets!

- What? - Hey, Godfather.

He doesn't have long to live. After he dies, his assets will be yours.

Who else could get them?

Right.

Jan-sheng, get some rest.

- Master, don't upset yourself. - (Coughing)

Ah Tai-nan,

ever since your father died, I've treated you like my own daughter.

I know.

Right now, I'd like you to help me to do two things.

Master, don't even ask.

You've treated me so well. Of course I'll help you.

Mm.

Firstly, after I die,

you will take my will and all my deeds to my lands

and take them to Canton,

and give it to my brother's fourth son, Yu Ching-chuen.

Yu Ching-chuen?

Second, I would like you to be my wife.

Master, I...

Don't worry.

I'm going to die soon, anyway.

After you've become my wife, and I've passed away...

(Coughing)

...my brother, Wei, won't dare take my assets away from you.

At least, you will rank higher than him in the family.

Alright.

Mm.

Once you have the chance, you will leave for Canton.

Oh... What do I do when I get there?

You will wear this jade piece,

and Ching-chuen will recognize you from it.

STARRING: CHING CHU, WANG SHA, LAM FAI-WONG, WONG CHING-HO

SAN SIN, WANG CHING-HO, HUANG PA-CHING

COSTUMES BY LIU CHI-YU MAKE-UP BY WU HSU-CHING

Master, you've already learned many kinds of boxing.

You've even learned the fancy boxing. Isn't that enough?

- Not yet! - Ah!

(Watch chiming)

- Master, it's time already. - Huh? Time for what?

- You've got to go to the pier. - Huh?

- Look. - Uh! I've got to go meet her!

Hey, Master. You going like that?

- (Sighs) Go and get my clothes. - Huh? Huh?

- Go and get my clothes! - Oh...

Hey, Ah Cai! Don't forget the letter from my auntie.

Alright.

YU FAMILY ANCESTORS

Master, let me remind you again.

You auntie doesn't know you. You haven't seen her before.

Remember the letter she wrote.

She said she'd be wearing your uncle's jade pendant so you can recognize her.

- You must... - I'll just take my auntie's letter.

Oh, oh...

WEST VILLAGE PORT

(Excited chatter)

Er...

Er, excuse me, how many ferries have come in today?

- There was only one ferry. - Was it the Shun Li?

- No. - Ah, that means she's not here yet.

- There it is. - It's coming, over there.

- Oh, excuse me, is that the Shun Li? - Uh-huh.

Be careful. You might fall over.

Ah, my auntie's coming to see me. I'm a little nervous.

You know what? This is her first trip here.

(Man) Is that right?

Come on, let's go, hurry up.

(Man) Father! Father!

(Overlapping voices)

- Are you...? - Get out of my way!

(Cheerful chatter)

- What do want? - Uh, I...

You dirty old man! What's the matter with you?

I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else.

Hey, are you waiting for someone?

What's it to you? Mind your own business.

Listen, old man. I'm looking for someone, too.

- Your grandpa? - My grandpa's dead.

Must be your husband.

- My husband's dead. - What?

You're such a young widow. You must be a real terror to your husband!

You...

Hey, miss! You don't have to fight. I was only joking with you.

- Who... who are you looking for? - I'm waiting for my nephew.

Waiting for your nephew? I'm supposed to be picking up my auntie.

- Your auntie? - That's right.

My auntie says she'll be coming by the Shun Li, but I can't find her.

Good thing she's an old lady. We'll find her.

She's wearing a jade pendant. Ah, what a mess.

Hey, is this the one?

Oh, that's it, that's the one! Hey, miss, where'd you get that?

What do you mean? My late husband gave this to me.

- Your husband? - Yu Jan-sheng.

Uh...

- Then you're... - What's the matter?

- You're my aunt. - Don't be crazy.

I'm not kidding! I have proof here.

- I'm Yu Ching-chuen. - Then I am your aunt, Cheng Tai-nan.

- Ching-chuen? - Yes?

Do you know the reason why your uncle asked me to come here to look for you?

- Oh, it's about his will and deeds. - Mm-hmm.

- Auntie, let's go home first. - Okay.

TEA

Auntie, it's a long walk. Let's take a rickshaw.

Excuse me. Take us to Ching Lane.

- Both of you? - No, only my auntie.

Okay. Please.

No, thanks.

Let me help you.

- Wow, hey! Look at this! - (Men) Huh?

- I can manage. - Hey, be careful.

These guys, they drive like maniacs.

- You're worried I'll fall? - Yes.

(All) Wow!

- I can manage alright. - Now, listen to me. It's very dangerous.

- Hey, come on. Let me help. Here. - Hey, I can manage!

- Old man, aren't you too old? - (Jeering and laughing)

Hey, old man, she could be your granddaughter!

What's wrong with them, acting so rude?

Hey, forget it. They're all louts. Hey, we're ready. Let's go.

Hey! Don't move!

Hey, old man. What's wrong with you? Calling us names?

Hey, son, don't get me wrong. She's my...

- Mother? - You're almost right. She's my auntie.

Ha-ha! Who do you think we are? She's your auntie? What do you take us for?

- Kidding, huh? - (Laughing and jeering)

- What's so funny? You better shut up! - Ching-chuen...

Don't bother with these bums. Let's go.

- (Ching-chuen) Yes. - You bitch! What do you mean?

You are a very rude young man.

- Auntie... - This guy deserves a lesson.

- Oh, you're right, you're right. - I'll get you!

Hey, kid! You asked for it, you deserve it. Isn't that right?

(All) Huh?

Hey, Auntie. I think they've had enough. Let's forget it, huh?

(Howling)

Oh, Auntie! Good kung fu!

I think they've had enough, okay? Come on.

Oh, they're apologizing.

Please, get in.

Remember, now, don't ever bully an old man again!

- You haven't left yet? Scram! - (Whimpering)

- Let's go. - Okay.

YU FAMILY ANCESTORS

Please.

Auntie, this study here is where I keep the Yus' antiques and paintings.

They're all in excellent shape.

This way, please.

This is the hall of our ancestors' tablets.

I worship them every day.

Auntie, come with me.

Please.

Ah Cai?

- Ah Cai! - Huh, huh?

Auntie, he's a little deaf.

Master, you must have missed your aunt's ferry.

- I reminded you already. And you... - Hey, hey.

- Auntie... - Who's this little girl?

- She's my aunt. - Huh?

She's my aunt!

Your aunt? She...? Her?

She... She... She's...

Ah, your aunt? Oh.

Auntie, please be seated.

Please allow me to greet you properly.

Auntie, have some tea.

Auntie, have a smoke.

Ching-chuen, until I married your uncle, I'd never met you before.

That's right.

Do you know why I was in such a hurry to come here to see you?

Is there some trouble with my uncle's will?

No. The will was not left to me.

- It is for you. - Huh? For me?

That's right, my late husband's will said that

I must personally hand this will to his elder brother's fourth son,

Yu Ching-chuen.

Uncle is too nice. He should have left it to you.

My father and I owe him quite a lot.

I married him to return his favor, not to inherit his estate.

Oh... It should be Uncle Wei's!

Because he didn't leave them to him, he will steal them.

You should know Uncle Wei, he's very wicked. He treats everyone badly.

Why should your uncle leave him his estate?

Uncle Wei is still like that? I don't understand.

He thinks, with his kung fu, he can rule the world.

That's why your uncle said he wouldn't leave him his estate.

It would only make things worse.

Ching-chuen,

your uncle left you his estate because he wants you to guard it.

He says you're trustworthy, and you will also take care of me.

That's true, but, er, Auntie...

Listen to me. My living is good, and you're still young.

About my uncle's assets, it's better that you have them.

No! I must carry out his last wish.

- It's better for you to have them. - You must keep it!

- You can have it. - I want you to have it!

- That's not right! - Ching-chuen.

- Yes? - What is my rank?

Uh...

- Second Aunt. - Hey.

I've gone through a lot of trouble to bring this to you. It's not safe with me.

It doesn't matter if you want it or not. With you, it will be safe.

Well, alright.

- Ah Cai! - Huh, huh?

About my auntie's room, is it ready yet?

Oh, you mean your room?

- Yes! - Ah, it's ready now.

Auntie, I've two rooms here.

My room is a little bigger. You can stay in my room.

But you...

- I'll sleep in Ah Tao's room. - Ah Tao?

- Oh, he's my son, Yu Tao. - Oh, my grandnephew.

- But where is he? - Ah, he's studying law in Hong Kong.

It's his holiday now. He should be home soon.

Hey, that's crazy.

Why did he go to Hong Kong? He should have stayed here.

Oh, you know teenagers.

They want to be free, and famous, and like to keep in style.

That's why he went to Hong Kong.

Auntie, please.

Auntie, get some rest, now.

- I'm leaving! - Ah...

Ah, alright, alright.

Godfather, what do we do now?

We've let her get away. She's escaped us.

Ah, she won't get far. She's probably in Canton.

- Canton? - That's right.

She'll probably go to look for my brother's son, Ching-chuen.

What now, then?

- Ah Tei. - Yeah?

- Take some of your men to Canton. - You want her back?

No.

With Ching-chuen's kung fu, you're not his match.

What, then?

I want you to think of a way to steal the will and deeds back.

Then, she'll come and look for me.

Er, why do you want her to come back here?

That's cos the will is in her name.

I want her to sign it and transfer it to me.

This way, your godfather can inherit all my brother's assets.

Come down!

(Excited chatter)

- Hey, Charlie, your house is really nice! - Your house is great!

Yeah, this is my home.

I've a dad, a slightly deaf servant...

I can do anything in my house.

Play football...

...or basketball!

- Hey! - Hey!

Woo!

Hey, let's see Daddy.

- Oh! - Hey, this is really nice.

Friends, sit down, please.

This is my grandfather. Got it?

My father was very devoted.

He worshipped him like a god!

This house has two bedrooms. That's my father's, that one's mine.

Come on, come on! Come on, come on!

My daddy doesn't know that I'm coming back this early.

He's taking a nap right now. I'm gonna rush in and surprise him!

- Right! - Let's go!

- Daddy! - (Gasps and screams)

- You! - You! How dare you break in?

- You're in my father's bed! Why? - What'd you say?

Get lost! Get out of here!

- What's up? - Charlie! What happened?

- My daddy's changed! - (All) What?

- He's a girl! - (All) What?

- Come on! - Really! I mean it! Really!

(Tai-nan) Hey!

You young idiots! Get out.

- (All) Whoa! - Charlie, look!

(All) Very beautiful!

(Classmates laughing)

What are you doing here? How dare you?

- Huh? - Uh-uh!

You don't know me. I'm the future owner of this house, you know.

Future owner?

What is your name?

Listen carefully. My name is Charlie Yu.

What's that?

What did you say? Cha-li what?

- No. - Is she dumb?

My last name's Yu. Called Charlie.

That makes me Charlie Yu.

Charlie Yu? What an ugly name. You're not my grandnephew.

Huh! Of course I'm not.

I'm asking you, what... are you... doing here?

You should know the owner of this house.

I'm Yu Ching-chuen's aunt, Cheng Tai-nan.

Ooh! That's a boy's name.

You're so old-fashioned... Uh! Hold it.

So you're Yu Ching-chuen's aunt?

Which means you're my grandfather's...

- (All) Grandauntie! - Ugh!

- (All laughing) - Look!

(Chuckles) Too young.

- What do you mean by that? - Aren't you a little on the young side?

In fact, you must be...

(All) Your father's darling!

...my father's lover?

(Tao and classmates laughing)

(Panicked clamoring)

Sorry, they're wrong.

You shouldn't be Yu Ching-chuen's lover. You should be his son's lover instead.

(Classmates cheering)

Shut up!

Don't move!

Stop it. We're gentlemen. We don't fight with girls!

Hey, you really wanna fight?

If you do, let me show you my power.

(Classmates applauding)

- See? Not so easy. - Hmm.

- What a simple trick. - Hmm.

(Classmates cheering and applauding)

Please.

Oh, very good, very good.

Hmm. That's nothing.

Huh. This means we've gotta fight to see who will win.

What's that?

I said we'll have to see who's better in fighting.

- Hmm. I'm ready. - Alright.

(Classmates cheering)

This is boxing, you know.

Huh! Special kung fu. Northern style.

Southern style!

Come on!

Come on!

Oh!

Hey!

(Glass shattering)

(All) Come on!

Come on, quickly.

- What are you doing to my antiques? - (Smashing)

(Ching-chuen) Hey, stop the fighting!

- (Smashing) - Hey, you!

- Ah Tao! - Oh! Daddy!

Ah Tao?

I love you. Oh, I came back a day early.

What, and I saw that bitch sleeping in your bed!

- Her? - Yeah, that's her.

I asked her what she was doing, and we started fighting. She must be crazy.

- What's that? - She's crazy!

Oh, no! Ah Tao, she's your...

Oh, so you're his son. Yu Tao, right?

Yes, Auntie. He's your grandnephew, Yu Tao.

- What? - Oh, greet your grandaunt.

- My grandaunt? - Yeah, go on.

Hmm!

(Under breath) Hey, Dad. She's so young. Are you kidding me?

Did you take on a mistress while I was studying in Hong Kong?

- What do you mean? - A concubine.

Nonsense! You little brat.

You brought all these people here to ruin my house.

Argh! My ancestors' tablets!

Argh! My paintings and antiques! You brat!

Not me! It's her!

Huh! I'm the elder in this family. Why would I ruin the ancestors' tablets,

or paintings and antiques?

She's right. You...

- Auntie, I've punished him for you. - No.

- Oh! - Hold it.

- Ask for your grandaunt's forgiveness. - Not enough.

The law.

- The law? - The family law.

Daddy, it's dinnertime.

Haven't you had enough? Stupid!

YU FAMILY RULES OF ETIQUETTE

"Anyone within the Yu's family

"who destroys the Yus' ancestors tablets must receive 15 beatings."

Whoa! Where'd you get that law from?

There's more.

"Whoever destroys the antiques of our ancestors gets 15 more."

Oh! 15 and 15 makes 30.

- Er... - There's still more.

"Anyone who insults an elder shall kneel in front of that elder and bow nine times

"and get 20 beatings."

No! I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna get it now.

Oh, God, I've had it. Amen.

Grandaunt, please be lenient.

No way.

- How about 20 percent? - What's that?

Less 20 percent.

Less 20 percent?

- Alright. - Good! Good...

Since it's your first offense, I'll cut it to 40.

(Yelping)

Don't let her know.

- What'd you say? - Stupid kid!

He asked me to hit him softer. I'll hit him harder!

(Yelping)

Enough, enough! Don't hit him, master, you'll kill him!

Don't hit him, master!

34, 35, 36, 37...

38, 39, 40, 41!

And one bonus! Oh, and one bonus...

(Moaning)

Auntie, I've beat him 41 times now.

(Panting)

Oh! Ooh-ahh!

There's more.

I still have to bow to you.

One, two, three!

Four, five, six!

Seven, eight, nine!

Mm. You must respect your elders. Do you understand?

Get up. Get up!

Ah Tao, get up.

Will you get up?

Get up, you idiot!

- Huh? - Ah Tao!

He's fainted.

- Auntie, he's fainted already! - Doesn't matter.

- Just give him some medicine. - Oh, yeah, right.

- Ah Cai, help him back to his room. - Oh, yeah, yeah...

(Chuckling)

Thank God for helping me!

I really fooled her this time!

(Mimicking being beaten)

(Tao howling)

(Tai-nan) Ah Cai!

Huh? That stupid bitch is checking up on me.

Ai-yah! Ai-yah!

Ah Cai! Ah Cai!

- Ah Cai! - Huh? Yes, ma'am, what is it?

- Can't you hear him yelling in there? - Huh?

I think he was beaten too hard! Listen to him groaning!

Oh, is that right? Oh...

(Howling continues)

That poor kid. He's really hurt bad.

Ai-yah! Ah!

- Ah Cai. - Huh?

- Did you give him that medicine? - Yeah. He says he didn't want it.

Didn't want it? Why not?

Er... He... He says he was innocent.

- Let him suffer. - Huh? W-w-w-what?

- I said let him suffer! - (Ah Cai) Oh!

Bitch!

Ah Tao, what are you doing?

Put it right side up. Don't hang it sideways!

Daddy, you don't know.

All the foreigners, they all hang their pictures like this.

Upside-down, on the side... Looks much better.

- Style, too. - Ugh, what are you saying?

It looks nicer. More inspiring.

You can look at it this way, that way, this way, that way...

Hey, Ah Tao. Let me do it. Get down from there.

You know this painting is priceless!

Go away.

Look, here. It should be hung like that one.

Give it to me.

- See if it's crooked. - (Tao) Not yet.

- What? - It's not level!

- How about this? - Hey, wait a second. Hold it.

Hey, watch my painting!

- Okay! - What?

- It's alright. - Is it straight?

Down. Down. Down.

Lower! Lower.

A little lower. Stop!

- What? - Perfect!

(Slapping)

Hey! That came from your great-grandpa!

Oh! Must be very old.

Daddy, let me help you.

Hey, Ah Tao!

- Hey, careful! - Very beautiful.

So big. It should be in the hall. Come on!

- Hey! - Over here.

- No, no, over here. - Ah Tao!

Over there'd be perfect, Dad. Dad, Dad. Here, perfect!

I'll get the ladder, Dad.

Daddy, stand aside.

Put it like this, English style.

Crooked, American style.

All rolled up, Italian style.

Covered up, French style.

- How can you see it if it's covered? - No!

When the breeze blows, it will unfurl, really mystically.

- What's that? - Very mysterious, Dad.

I don't like your style. I like Chinese style.

- Well, hang it yourself, then. - Come on down.

Hold this.

(Tao) Daddy, be careful. Don't hang it too high.

(Ching-chuen) Alright, alright, I know what to do. See if it's high enough.

(Tao) Oh...

- Ah Tao, tell me when it's alright. - Okay.

- A little higher. - Oh.

- How's that? - Uh...

(Ching-chuen) Well? Ah Tao?

- Higher. - (Ching-chuen) Higher?

Higher!

- (Ching-chuen) How's that? - Just a little higher!

- Higher! Higher! Higher! - (Ching-chuen) How's that?

- Higher! - Still higher?

Hey, I've reached the top.

Uh, higher, higher.

Ah Tao, I've reached the ceiling!

Daddy, you get a clearer view that way.

- We'll have to kneel down to see it. - Oh, yeah. Lower, then.

Lower. Lower.

- Lower. - How's that?

(Ching-chuen) Hey, Ah Tao, how is it?

- Ah Tao? - Keep going.

- Hey! - A little lower. Lower.

- Lower. - Lower still?

- Hey! - Lower, lower.

Lower.

- Hey, Ah Tao! - Oh, uh, uh...

Low... Er, lower...

What are you doing?

Er... Daddy!

Daddy, Daddy.

- Hong Kong way of hanging a painting... - What did you say?

Oh, no, a painting.

You gotta look at it like this, and like that.

- That way, you get a much better view. - Oh...

- Were you looking at me? - No, I wasn't watching you!

You weren't? Oh, but just now...

Er, uh, I was helping Dad hang his painting.

Oh, Auntie. We were being noisy.

- I'm terribly sorry, did we wake you up? - Oh, no.

Ching-chuen, this fabric you bought me, it's much too bright.

Being an elder, I shouldn't wear such bright colors.

Oh, then I'll go and change it for you.

That's alright. I'll go alone.

- Er, Auntie, you're going alone? - Of course.

You can't! It's very dangerous there.

- So what? She can take care of herself. - Shut up!

Ching-chuen, I'll be alright.

Uh...

- Ah Tao. - Huh?

- Go with your grandaunt. - Go with her?

- What's wrong? - Oh, nothing.

- Nothing... - Alright. Come along.

Daddy, she... she...

- Take good care of your auntie. Go on. - Oh...

This is the main street in town. There's a lot of shops on this stretch.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, wait! Stop. Come on, stop! Hey.

Ah Tao, what is that thing?

- A motorcar. - A what?

An automobile.

An automobile? What's an automobile?

Look, this one uses manpower. That one uses an engine.

An engine?

- I'll show you. - Okay.

(Girls gasping) Look at that one!

Oh, I like that one a lot!

(Tai-nan) Ah Tao, this is so interesting.

We don't have anything like this back home.

Of course not. You haven't seen anything yet.

You should see Hong Kong. They even have Rolls-Royces.

- What's a Rolls-Royce? - You wouldn't understand.

Look, go shop around. This street has everything.

Ah Tao, look at that signboard! It's so pretty and bright.

And look at that one! They both flash.

Oh, neon lights.

- What's it called? - Colored lamps.

- Oh, it's beautiful. I like it. - Yeah.

- (Girls chattering excitedly) - Come on, have a look at these.

(Girl) That is pretty!

Yeah, I don't find these... Uh!

And these lipsticks, they got 'em in all different colors.

Now, you got to put one on and it'll make your boyfriend want to kiss you.

- Oh, it's good! - Isn't that pretty?

Oh, give me some more!

One of these perfumes...

Oh, yeah, I know it's brilliant.

Even the jewels and the pearls.

(Girl 2) Those bracelets are beautiful.

Ooh, look at these!

Oh, wow!

- Grandaunt. Grandaunt! - Huh?

Hey, you go shopping. I'll wait for you by the automobile.

Alright, see you later. Bye.

- Thank you. - Hey, try it, it's really nice.

Okay, I'll ask him. Excuse me, how much is this?

- Five dollars. - Oh, that's expensive.

- No, it's on sale. - It is?

- Hey, I wanna try it. - Do you think it's worth it?

- Hmm. - Hmm.

- (Both) What a bumpkin! - What did you call me?

- We're talking about you. - The way you're dressed.

- Girls in Canton only wear cheongsams. - Yeah.

What an ugly old skirt she's wearing.

Will you look at her hairstyle? So out of date.

- Get away from us, you bumpkin. - Yeah.

(Girl) Isn't this earring beautiful? Certainly not as ugly as her.

(Girls laughing)

Careful with that! Hey, that's an automobile.

Brand-new car, that. It's modern.

- (Man) Hey, someone has a new dress! - (Man 2) Look at that!

(Wolf-whistling)

Oh! Oh!

Hey, hey!

Dumb broad!

I'm sorry.

(Gasping)

It's my first time in high heels.

(All) Wow!

- Look at that! - Wow.

Oh!

- Hey, miss. - Huh?

- Is this your first time, huh? - Uh-huh.

No wonder you can't walk right. First time in high heels?

- You need a lesson. - You gotta learn how to walk.

- Learn how to walk again? - Hey, let's teach her.

- Yeah. - Hey, you two let go of me!

- I'm warning you two. - I'll show you how to walk, come on.

Hey, miss. They're bums, let me teach you.

Hey, who's gonna pay for our apples?

Hey, lady, you gotta pay for...

- Whoa! What's up? What's happening? - Wow!

- Hey. - Huh?

- That dame is really hot-tempered. - Yeah. And really pretty!

- Don't you come near me! - Ah, come on, lady!

Ooh! Come on, kick it, kick it! Come on, let's see what you can do!

- Come on, lady, kick it! - Kick! Kick it up!

- Kick it up, come on! - Come on!

Kick it up, come on!

- Hey, careful, lady. - Hey, how ya like that?

Ah Tao! You...

Grandaunt?

Of course it's me!

Wow! Very sexy!

- Hey! - What's going on?

- That's my grandaunt. - Huh?

- What? - Who are you trying to kid?

(Laughing)

- Hey, kid, we saw that lady first. - Yeah?

See? No fight.

- What? - They're no match.

(Man) Wonder where she comes from.

(Whistle blaring)

- Stop where you are! - Wait, the police are here!

- Police? - Don't worry.

- Hey, you two! - There's been a fight!

What? Where?

- Back over there. - Come on, let's go!

It's those two over there! Quick!

(Tai-nan) Ching-chuen.

Ching-chuen, don't you recognize me?

Uh...

You...

It's me, your auntie!

Uh... Auntie?

Auntie, what did you do to yourself?

What happened? What? Why are you dressed like that?

- Look at your hair! Where's Ah Tao? - He...

Ah Tao? Ah Tao!

I'm right here.

Ah Tao, why'd you buy these kinds of clothes for your grandaunt?

Daddy, I didn't buy them.

I lost Grandaunt when she was shopping.

And when I found her, she was like that.

Hey, look what happened to her.

No shoes, torn stockings, and look at her hair!

Ah! What happened, anyway?

Daddy, you just don't understand.

When she wears these clothes, she's very, very sexy.

- What was that? - Sexy!

So the bums started hassling her. It's a good thing I was there!

(Shouting)

- I fought them all. - Stop lying. You didn't fight them all.

If I didn't, who did?

- I did. - I did. I did!

- I did! - I did!

Now, come on! Ah, you meathead.

Don't you talk to her. Take that!

Auntie, I think you better get changed first.

That stupid idiot, I'll take care of him!

- Go ahead. - Oh!

Ah, Ah Tao!

Daddy, can't you try to be more understanding?

You shut up! Ah Tao, you're the younger generation.

If you go out with an elder, you should take care of her.

Look. Look what you've done.

- Your late granduncle won't forgive you. - Daddy...

I'm telling you, if you go on like this, I won't let you go to Hong Kong.

Shut up! Shut up!

I tell you, don't think just because you are the elder, you can have my dad,

to get your tea, your cigarettes, fan you, have him tell you good morning,

and greet you in the evening.

In fact, you and I are the same age.

- What should we do? - Fight for freedom!

Fight for freedom!

You are young, too. Don't you show off to me, you bitch!

(Cheering)

Stop.

My father was very up-to-date.

But then she came. She started those old-fashioned rules.

Family laws to serve tea, kneel and bow...

Here!

(Cheering)

You! You're wrong. And my dad says you're right.

But I was right. Dad was wrong! He won't let me go to Hong Kong.

You no-good country idiot.

You're messing up everything! Take this!

(All) Hit her! Hit her! Hit her, hit her!

- Hit her! - Yeah!

Charlie!

- No, man, don't do it! - What's going on?

- It's straw. - What's wrong with him?

- He's taking out his anger. - Why is he being so crazy?

He's got to get his rage out. Don't stop him.

Charlie, don't be crazy!

- Take it easy. - Hey, hold it.

- Charlie, what good's this? - Yeah!

James, Robert, how else could I get even with her?

Where? How?

Oh, yeah, Charlie. I have an idea.

The reason why we've come here today

is to tell you that we're having a party for Hong Kong students.

- A party? - Yeah, Charlie. Listen to me.

Ever since the summer holiday, we haven't seen each other.

We've lost all contact. That's why we should have a party.

To get back together, just like old times. How's that?

(Cheering)

Oh, yeah, Charlie. Ask your young grandaunt.

- She can come, too. - My grandaunt?

She's a country girl. She doesn't know how to dance.

So much the better.

- She always causes you trouble? - You bet!

Right. Just leave it to me.

It's a masquerade party. We'll really embarrass her.

(Rhythmic tapping and humming)

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Ah Tao!

Hi there, Grandaunt! Just call me Charlie.

Charlie? Charlie, my foot!

Hey, what are all these fools doing around here?

And why are they dressed so strangely?

Ah Tao!

You don't know, Grandaunt? This is my band!

What? Are you mad?

No.

Music!

(Sings in Chinese) ♪ Rose, rose, you have such a slender stem

♪ Rose, rose, your thorns are so sharp

♪ They'll hurt your tender stems and buds

♪ Rose, rose, I love you...

You! Get lost!

♪ My heart's affection...

Ah Tao! What are you doing?

You... You... You... You're crazy!

♪ My heart's affection

♪ Your pure glory illuminates the world... ♪

(Rhythmic clapping)

Ah Tao, are you crazy?

Stop.

- This is dancing. - Yeah!

Well, why do you do this? What's the drum for?

- No, we call it dancing. - Dancing? That's not dancing.

- This is dancing! - No, it's not.

Hey, oh, I know...

♪ The moon shines, shines on the floor

- ♪ During the New Year's Eve... ♪ - That's right, that's much more like it.

That's old-fashioned, in the past, Grandauntie.

- Nowadays, we follow a rhythm! - (All) Yeah!

♪ Rose, rose, you have such a slender stem

♪ Rose, rose, your thorns are so sharp...

- What are you doing? Ah! - ♪ Nothing will tear our bond apart

♪ Rose, rose, I love you ♪

(Music stops, jeering)

- Wanna try it? - (All) Yeah, come on, try it.

- It's easy. Come on. Try it! - No, I won't.

- James! - (All) Huh?

- Second way! - Yeah, second plan.

- Grandauntie? - Hey, your grandauntie is too old.

(All) That's right. She can't dance!

- (Laughing) - You're right.

She looks like an old dame to me. Not like us.

(Scoffing)

- (Tao) You're right. - Hmm! Am I any older than you?

Oh, no. Not really. You're just about our age.

(All) Yeah, that's right.

Don't call me an old dame. I'm just your elder.

Like I said, you're just as young as we are.

- But you're totally different. - We're progressive.

If you call that stupid dance progressive, I don't wanna be progressive!

Of course it's progressive! At least, you haven't seen it before.

- You just can't do it. - Who said I can't? I just don't want to.

(Laughing)

- I dare you. - I can dance! I'm not afraid!

No way! It's no use asking her to come.

- Come on! - Ask her!

- She'll never do it. - Go on!

- No way. She wouldn't dare! - I wouldn't dare do what?

It's no good, she'll never come to our party.

- What's this party? - A dancing show.

- A dancing show? - She'd have to make herself up.

- You mean wear make-up, too? - Yeah.

Would it be like before when I did my hair?

- Hey, it's not like that. - Why not?

You have to wear make-up like a foreigner. Juliet...

- Oh, Romeo, I love you! - What?

The boys, they all dress up like Robin Hood.

(♪ Humming fanfare)

The girls, they're all gonna dress up like Carmen.

(♪ Humming)

Hey, don't you worry. We've got costumes from Hong Kong in all sizes.

- What? - They'll fit you for sure.

- Ah Tao, I'd better... - Are you afraid of my dad?

- I'm not afraid of him. - Oh, yeah? Look.

Don't you call her an old dame. She's coming to our party!

- Ah Tao! I'd better... - I knew you wouldn't come.

You bet I'll be there!

- (All) Yeah, okay! - (Both) Okay!

- Ah Tao? - Oh, change your mind?

Don't ever tell your father.

Oh... Hooray!

There's many modern features on this car.

- Alright, I'll talk to you later. - Alright.

Yu Tao asked that bitch to a party.

- A party? - Yeah.

- Does his father know? - He don't know nothing, no.

Oh! That means they're sneaking out, then.

That's right.

I have a plan.

- Sir, about the car... - Some other day, alright?

HONG KONG INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS' BALL

(♪ Gentle classical music playing)

No. Oh!

Oh! Ah!

Help me!

(Screaming)

(♪ Tango music)

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Hey, you! What did you do?

(Screaming)

Put me down!

Put me down! Oh!

- Hup! Yeah! - Oh!

(♪ Country music)

Oh!

(Whooping)

Oh!

Hey. Hold it.

We'll follow my plan through to the end.

Break up the party, then call the police.

- Get his father to the station. - Mm.

Oh!

(♪ Music crescendos and stops)

(Tai-nan moaning)

You... You...

Ah Tao, you...

Ha-ha! Good going! Very good dancing!

(Cheering)

Oh!

- Three Musketeers. - What?

The three swordsmen.

This is swordsman Don Juan.

They tell me they like you very much, Miss Storlena.

Huh? What did you say?

I have an English name for you.

- An English name? - Uh-huh.

They tell me they want to dance with you.

(Musketeers) Please.

- You mean dance again? - Sure.

I can't do it. I won't do it!

Hey, stop!

You three...

(All) We're the Three Musketeers.

Oh, I know! The new Three Musketeers.

- Um... - I'm Robin Hood.

Robin Hood, then who are the new and the old swordsmen?

Oh, they're old because they were here first.

- They just got here, so they're new. - Oh, really?

Right!

(Boinging)

Romeo.

Oh, Romeo?

Where's Juliet?

(Chuckling)

Hey, I'm not Juliet! I'm...

- Come and dance. - Oh! I don't wanna dance!

Music!

- (♪ Waltz music) - Hey! What are you doing? Let me go!

Let me go!

Ah! You're hurting me. Let me go!

(Screaming)

(All) Whoa!

- Why did you rip her dress like that? - Ah Tao, they...

Hey, Romeo. Take it easy.

- She's my grandaunt, you know. - I know.

(Groaning)

Ah Tao, did you tell him to hit me?

No, Grandaunt!

Hey, listen. I told you to embarrass her, not hit her!

Crazy, crazy! You're all crazy!

Hmm! Don't be afraid, Charlie. This happens all the time.

Always fighting, you know!

- Yeah, come on! Let's fight! - Come on!

- Let's go! - Come on!

Hey, Charlie. They're not our guys.

Yeah. Who are you guys, anyways?

Who are you guys? Which school do you come from?

- Criminology. - Robbery.

- Kidnapping. - Murder.

(Screaming)

(Whimpering)

Hey, we've really met our match.

- Yeah. - Yeah, that's right.

Don't move! Stand aside.

- You haven't met your match. - Whoa!

Leave it to me.

- I'll take care of them. - One by one.

- Can she really manage that? - Yeah!

- What's wrong? - Hey, nothing. You're bare-handed.

He'll have an advantage.

A sword.

- Fencing sword? - Chinese sword.

Oh! Props department, Chinese sword!

(Jeering)

Catch!

Aargh!

Wow! Lady power! Real deadly!

- Hey, let's go! - Come on, come on!

(All) Power, power, power!

Aargh!

(All) Wow!

Now that's what they call shaving a lazy man!

You wanna fight?

- Come on! - Get him, get him!

- Go on! Get him! - Ah Tao!

Your knife is too short. He'll kill you. Catch...

No! Don't ruin my image. Robin Hood used a knife.

(Both grunting)

- What's wrong? - Cover me. The arrows!

Ah!

- He's hit! - (Clapping and cheering)

(All) Hey!

(All) Hooray!

- We got him! - Hey!

- Oh? - Huh?

Hmm.

Robin Hood, your archery needs some practice.

- It's no good. - Lousy.

Get 'em!

Oh!

Hmm!

Robert, are you okay?

- I'm finished... - Huh?

(Tai-nan) Oh!

Ooh!

(Yelping)

(Groaning)

(Groaning)

(Screaming)

Grandaunt!

Hey, Grandaunt!

It's me. Stop, stop!

It's me, it's me! Grandaunt! It's Robin Hood!

Are you alright? Are you okay?

Oh!

- The police! - The police are here!

(Panicked voices)

Let's go!

Hey!

- What's wrong? - What is this? Come on!

Hmm.

Hey, you bunch of bums, you. Get into the hall.

And wait your turn.

So, what shall we do?

- Ah Tao... - Yes, to the hall!

(Cheering)

Move in! Hurry up!

(Sharp whistle)

Hut! Sir, interrogate us!

- I'm the police inspector. - Assistant.

Hmm?

I'm the inspector. Listen.

Someone has informed me that you were having a...

- A party. - A party!

(Both) You're using this masquerade party here as a cover-up.

Actually, you're trafficking in opium. Is that right?

- Is that right? - No!

- Er... what did they say? - They deny it.

- Admit it! - We don't take drugs!

We're all innocent!

Hmm.

These youngsters, they might just be innocent.

Ah, all criminals are like that.

Hmm? You're right.

- Arrest them all at once! - Hey, listen.

Our jail is just not big enough.

Ah... Is that right?

Hey, arrest only two of them, and don't forget the informant.

Oh!

(Both chuckle)

Er, Yu... Yu... Yu...

Yu Tao! Cheng Tai-nan! Where are you?

Where are you? Come on out!

- It is I! - Here I am.

(Grunting)

I've got information that you two are selling opium here.

No, impossible! It's not right!

- That's impossible! - Take her.

- You're involved, too! Come on. - I'm innocent!

- (Clamoring) - Quiet, quiet!

- Let us go! - Be quiet! Be quiet!

Arrest them all! Take them all, too.

- What? - Go.

(Shouting)

Huh?

Oh, we're finished!

(Frantic chatter)

Ah! Master's home!

Oh! Mr. Yu!

- Ah Tao was arrested by the police. - Yeah, that's right!

He was arrested? Was he fighting?

- (All) Er... - Oh, that stupid idiot!

Nothing but trouble! Which station is it?

- (All) West Station. - Ah!

- Ah Cai, give this to Auntie. - She's arrested.

- What? Auntie's arrested? - Yeah...

You better tell me what happened to them!

You... Ah!

- (All) I want to see my lawyer! - I get it. Go see the inspector.

- Take 'em away. - Away, come on!

- Hurry, hurry! - Back!

Come on!

Get them. Next group, come on.

(Clamoring)

Okay, now, one at a time. Calm down, calm down.

(Ching-chuen) Hey, where's Ah Tao?

Officer! Officer! I want to see my son!

Next room. Come on!

- Auntie? Ah Tao? - I'm innocent!

Come on. Uh, what are you doing?

I'm sorry. They're not my son or my auntie.

- What are they in for? - Hey!

- What are they in for? - For fighting. Only fighting!

- Fighting. - Go.

Uncle, they said Charlie's been dealing in opium.

- Opium? - That's right!

Ah! Impossible!

Excuse me, they said they were trafficking opium.

- Who's that? - My son and my auntie.

- What are their names? - Cheng Tai-nan, Yu Tao.

What? You're involved in this, too?

Don't get me wrong. I'm just an innocent merchant.

Hey, what's going on? What's your name?

- I'm Yu Ching-chuen. - Oh.

He's the drug traffickers' relative.

What? They are drug traffickers? There must be a mistake!

(Laughing)

Look! He's ripped her dress!

These police, they're all marble-headed!

He's saying these two foreigners are my relatives!

Do you believe it? He must be crazy.

Uncle, we had a masquerade party. It was real fun!

Everyone dressed up like foreigners.

- That's why they're dressed up like that. - That's right.

Daddy...

Ching-chuen.

Auntie? Ah Tao?

Yes, it's us.

Ah Tao, you meathead!

You and your classmates! Look what you've done to Auntie here!

Hey!

Inspector, they're all Hong Kong students. They're not drug dealers.

(All) Yeah! Right!

We've got an informer.

(Laughing)

I ask you, where are the witnesses?

- Er, none. - None?

- Where's the evidence? - None.

Nonsense! A bunch of idiots.

Yeah, Inspector! You have no evidence. You can't detain them!

- Right! - That's right!

Why can't I detain 'em?

We've got no evidence, we can't detain 'em.

Ah. So we let 'em go.

We'd better let 'em go.

Ah.

Now, since he was asking for you, I'll release you two first.

Thanks, Inspector. Bye-bye.

- See you later. - Bye-bye.

Ah Tao, let's go.

Hmm!

Great! Really well done!

- (Ching-chuen) Everybody go home! - Come on, let's go.

You meathead! I've told you before!

Huh?

(Muffled speech)

- Ah Cai! - Don't touch! No!

Oh, his punishment.

What's he doing?

Auntie, this is a punishment for naughty kids.

- Can he get down by himself? - No, he can't move. Ah Tao, come here.

Hold this.

- Oh, be careful! - Careful!

Hey, Uncle Cai, your act's really good!

- Hey, you be quiet! - He's very good!

Release him!

- (Muttering) - What? What'd he say?

- The title deeds! - (Both) Huh?

Master, take a look!

Huh? Wow, what happened?

Ah! They're gone!

They left everything else and only took Uncle's deeds.

Never mind! That's alright. Nothing else in the house has gone.

Ah Tao, do you know who the deeds belong to?

- Granduncle's! - Hey.

That was before your granduncle died.

- But now, he's left them to your father. - Huh? Dad?

You mean, you're Granduncle's heir?

Yes. He didn't want them to get into your...

Your third granduncle and his gang's hands.

Third granduncle...

Oh! You were having fun in the party, someone started a fight,

and someone called the police.

- Oh... It must have been a trick. - (Tai-nan gasps)

- Ching-chuen, it must be them! - Let's go to the police and tell them.

It's too late. They're back in their county now.

Then we'll go there and ask the local police to arrest them.

That's no use. Your third granduncle has too much power there.

Besides, the deeds to the estate and the will were stolen.

- We have no evidence. - Then we'll go and get the deeds back.

Right, that's our only plan! Ching-chuen, let's go.

Auntie, Uncle is very powerful in his county. There's only three of us.

- I think... - Hey, don't worry.

We still have other relatives.

With them helping us, I'm sure that we'll have enough power.

That's right. Let's go, now!

- Daddy, I'll look for our uncles. - Oh, no. Ah Tao!

- What? - I forgot, only you and I know kung fu!

- Your father and the rest of them... - Don't you worry!

My father's kung fu is really good.

- Really? - When he was young.

- I used to know kung fu, but now... - He's just getting old, that's all.

- Yes. - Oh, never mind.

All you need to do is a little practice. Then you'll be ready.

IRON

- Hey, good morning, boss. - Morning.

Is this alright?

- Alright. - Good.

- Hey, you better hurry up. - Okay, boss.

- I'll be back later. - Hey, you! Hurry up!

- Huh? - Uncle, how are you?

- Ah Tao! So, you're back? - Yeah! It's my holidays.

Uncle, I have someone I want you to meet.

- Huh? Did you bring a girl to see me? - Yeah.

- Auntie. - Hmm?

Please.

Well, look. She's almost as tall as you are.

Oh, yeah!

Huh! Not bad.

Hey, Ching-chuen. When are you gonna have them get married?

Uh...

- Come here. - Huh?

Brother, look. You've made a bad mistake.

- Huh? - She's Uncle's widow!

Aargh!

Oh, ahh...

- Auntie. - Hey...

Ching-fu, I have something important to say.

Any problems, tell me. I'll teach them a lesson!

- Uncle, you... - Think my kung fu's not good enough?

- Try me. Come on, come on! - No.

- All our deeds have been stolen. - Stolen?

Auntie, who stole your deeds? Tell me! Who was it?

Uh... Third Uncle.

Oh, I should've known it was him.

He's the black sheep of the family. Who else could it be?

- Brother... - Hey, Auntie, don't you worry.

I'll gather all my men and come help you!

(Muttering)

- Greetings. - Hey.

Here, hold this.

- Greetings. - Hey!

- Hello, Brother, welcome. Please come in. - Please.

Uncle! How are you?

STORE

Auntie.

This is the map of my late husband's home.

- You've all been there before. - (All) Oh, yeah, we've been there!

We used to play there as a kid.

You were there. We got scolded by Uncle!

- Yeah, that's right! - (Laughing)

- Hey, remember when you... - Be quiet!

It's very different now. From here, you pass over a bridge.

Then through a garden, and this is the entrance.

(All) That's the same as before.

It's changed, cos all around it, they've set up traps.

(Uncles) Traps?

If we go in like this, we could get caught!

That's why the first lesson you will learn is how to run.

Why's that?

Because between the six of us,

two of us are responsible for destroying the traps,

and the other four, you all will do what you did when you were young children,

climbing over the wall.

After the wall, you will see a lot of people.

If they see you, then you will engage in a big fight.

Oh, never mind. The more people, the better I'll fight!

- What do you mean? - The more fighters, the better.

Ah Tao, you and I are still young. We can still fight them.

But these people are old.

- They might not last long. - Then what?

The next lesson to learn is patience and strength.

- Patience and strength... - Look.

During the scuffle, Third Uncle and his godson will come out.

If talking doesn't work, we will all have to fight them.

- Let me! I'll do it! - Don't argue!

Ah Tao and I will manage them.

- Right! Let's start practicing now. - Hold it.

There's no hurry. We will start tomorrow.

(Tai-nan) Come on, come on! Faster!

Get 'em up higher!

Faster!

- Where to? - Follow me.

(Men grunting)

Ready, now? Left hip! Right hip!

Left hip! Jump!

Higher! Cross over!

Jump higher!

- (Groaning) - Now turn.

Oh, hey!

- Hey, Brother, are you alright? - Yeah!

- How about you? - I'm okay.

- And you? - Fine.

- Daddy, okay? - I'll manage.

Keep running!

Hey, Grandauntie! What about a rest?

- No! - But a rest...

Grandaunt! They're pooped!

(Groaning)

- What's wrong with you guys? - Oh, oh...

- They're getting ready to do the pyramid! - Yeah!

Oh? Please continue, then.

Ah Tao! You and your big mouth!

Ah, it's nothing! We used to do it when we were kids.

Yeah, you used to be the bottom, remember?

- Can you manage now? - Of course I can!

Come on, pile up!

(Men grunting)

Ching-fu, you're pretty strong. Not bad.

Of course.

Back in the old days, they used to call me the Iron Man of Canton.

I'm strong.

So strong... So strong...

Whoa!

Uncle's caught in it!

- Uncle, are you alright? - It's okay.

Let's go again!

Wait! Wait!

- Uncle, are you alright? Uncle! - Ching-fu!

(Groaning)

- Uncle! - Ching-fu!

- Hey, he's collapsed! - Uncle!

- Doctor! - Yes!

- Save him. - Yes, sir!

- Ching-fu! - Brother!

- Ching-fu! - Here.

- What's wrong? - Ching-fu!

- Are you okay? - Ching-fu!

Don't worry! We have Coconut Brand medicine oil!

What is that? Ah Tao, does that work?

Oh, when I faint at school, they always use this to revive me.

Well, come on, hurry up, then! Hurry up!

- Hurry, put some on his chest. - Come on, here.

GOOD FORTUNE

Grandaunt.

That's right.

You...

Why are you dressed like that?

Ah Tao, what about your outfit?

- Reporting for... - Shh!

This is called a safari outfit in Hong Kong.

When they go camping and hiking, they're all dressed up like this.

- Where you going? - I'm going to steal...

- The deeds? - Yeah!

Grandaunt, Dad and the others, they're all too old.

I'm worried that they can't stand up to your training.

Besides, I've caused all this. I should go and steal the deeds back.

- That's what I had in mind, so I... - Oh, so...

...you're dressed like this to raid the Yus' mansion?

That's right. Ah Tao, I know they can't stand it.

Besides, I hadn't even presented the will to your father before it was stolen.

That's why I've made up my mind to try to steal it back.

You're going alone? You know that's far too dangerous.

I have to. Out of all of us here, I'm the best in kung fu.

If I don't go, who else would do it?

- I would. - Hey, I couldn't let you go.

Grandaunt, I've always admired your excellent kung fu.

I wanna watch you. Let me come along. Maybe along the way I can learn.

Hey, better not. If anything happens, I can't take care of you.

Hey, don't worry. I'm ready.

I... have... everything! I can take care of myself.

Alright. But if there's danger, you must run.

Yes, sir! I know.

(Crickets chirruping)

Reporting!

I've landed safely. No one's detected us.

Whoa!

- Grandaunt, are you alright? - I'm okay. You?

I'm alright.

Whoa! I never thought it would be like this.

- There must be mines all around here. - Ah Tao...

- Come on, follow me. - Oh!

Now.

(Tao tapping)

Don't move. There must be...

Huh?

Ah Tao! Where are you?

Ah Tao! Ah Tao!

- Where are you? - I'm here.

- Stop fooling around, will you? - I'm sweeping for mi...

Ah Tao, what happened? Are you alright?

- I'm alright. I've got a helmet on. - Hey!

Follow me.

Hey, hey!

Ah Tao, what's the matter?

I forgot to tell you, there's a lot of deadly mines down here.

- What do you mean? - (Clicking)

(Tao) Wow!

Look. I told you.

You watch out for the missiles, I'll sweep for the mines.

That way we'll both be safe. Go!

Hey, you're ordering me? I'm your elder.

Hey, we're in a rough spot. We've got to work together.

Let's go.

Hey, wait a second.

Shh!

Oh!

Oh! Ah!

Ah Tao, you were right.

There are a lot of traps here. Let's stay together.

Now, we'll climb the wall separately.

- When we're inside, we'll meet up. - Yes, sir.

Come on.

Let's go.

Whoa! It's so quiet. How come?

Let's go in.

(Doors creaking)

Go.

Whoa! There are traps here, too!

- Aargh! - Careful!

That was too close.

Follow me.

Be careful!

Oh, great!

We've been spotted by them. There's going to be a fight.

Keep your eyes open!

- Don't worry. Stay with me. - They're behind us, too.

You refuse to come when invited. Now you come without an invitation.

You don't come in the day, but sneak in at night.

If I want to come, it doesn't matter if it's day or night.

Since you know I'm here, give the deeds back to me at once.

Hmm! After Uncle's death, all his assets and deeds

belong to my godfather, Yu Yung-sheng.

Nonsense. After his death, his written will stated

that all his assets should be given to Ah Tao's father, Yu Ching-chuen.

- That's right. - Nonsense! Where's the will?

- You've stolen it! - I took what's ours! It's not yours!

- Damn you. I'll kill you! - Ah Tao! Calm down.

He's not your match. Let me.

- I can fight. I will fight! - Ah Tao...

- How's that? - Ah Tao!

Fast, huh?

Not as fast as I am.

- Huh? Huh? - Just the same.

- I'll take care of him. - No!

Here.

Hand over the deeds!

Grandaunt! Learn from me.

(Screaming)

That's no big deal.

(All) Huh?

Hmm.

- Don't move! - Don't move.

(Both) We've treated you...

- We've treated you very leniently. - Yeah!

Okay!

- I should've killed you. - (Doors opening)

(Laughing)

You gonna kill with your sword?

Let me try!

Okay, come on! Go ahead.

These two are personal guards of your granduncle.

- Oh, so they are his gofers. - (Yung-sheng) Shut up!

You're just a no-good brat.

How dare you come in my house and ruin it and insult me?

Don't tell me. You must be my brother's grandson.

Whoa! He's got style.

- Is he my granduncle? - Mm-hmm.

Listen to me.

You bring him here, you don't greet me...

Hmm. Don't you know the family rules?

You're crazy.

Uncle, you're an elder in the Yus' family,

but still you steal from them, and that's against the family rules.

- And a disgrace! - (Laughing)

You were only my brother's wife.

After he died, you fled to Canton with his deeds.

Now, that's really a disgrace.

Nonsense. My late husband asked me to take his deeds to Ah Tao's father.

So I took them to Canton. Any harm?

Hmm. That's all talk. Got any proof?

- I do. - Ah.

The will... You've lost it, right?

I'll tell you.

I'm his brother. I've got the right. Do you understand?

You're wrong, Granduncle. The will should go to the grandsons or their sons.

And even if there aren't any, it should go to the grandnephews.

You, you're just like an old eunuch.

- What are you saying? - Take it easy.

Isn't it true? That idiot isn't your son.

Yu Tao! You dare to insult my father?

Shut up! You're not his real son. You have no right to even see the will.

Hey.

You're right.

Sister-in-law, you've come home at the right time.

I want you to sign,

and prove that my brother's assets belong to me.

- You want me to sign? - Yes.

Since my brother's dead, the next best thing is your signature.

This will let them know that these assets are mine.

You're really tricky.

You've stolen my will, and yet you still want me to sign it over to you.

I knew you wouldn't sign it.

Hmm. Force her.

Huh?

Hey, kid. This is real kung fu.

Come on!

(Groaning)

(Tao laughs)

(Laughing)

My God, I can't pierce him!

- What's the matter? - His kung fu's deadly!

Don't worry. I'm here with you.

Hey, hit below the waist! Hit his lower parts!

(Laughing)

(Laughing)

- I said hit below the waist! - You're gonna die!

Shut up!

Sister, don't bother. Sign it.

Sign it.

Grandaunt!

- Ah Tao, get away. - Huh?

- You want me to go? - Yes.

I'm the elder. I will deal with them personally.

- Grandaunt, not alone! - Go!

Ah! Alright, then.

Grandaunt, this axe is for you! Now, teach 'em a lesson for me.

Ah Tao, you'd better go home.

Ask your uncles to come, so the Yus' elders can watch her sign

and know the assets are mine.

Oh, my dad and my uncles, you can bet that they'll be coming to see you.

Grandauntie, save your breath. Don't exert yourself.

Mm-hmm.

Granduncle, see you again.

(Panting)

Uncle, Uncle, Uncle! Dad, good morning.

- (All) Morning. - Last night, I...

- You went with Grandaunt to the Yus'? - Yeah.

- And you had a fight with them, right? - Yeah.

- Then you saw your granduncle, right? - Yeah!

Where's Grandaunt?

She accused Granduncle of theft, that he stole all her deeds and wills!

Ha! He denied everything, and said it belonged to him.

- So Grandaunt had a big fight with them. - (All) What happened?

- She lost. - Why are you back?

- I came back to... - Ask for help?

Yeah! Why are you up so early?

- Hmm. - We were going to Yus'.

We found out what happened last night.

- You found out? - We also knew that you would lose.

And Grandauntie would ask you to come back.

Why?

- Because she's your elder. - Then let's go rescue her!

- Let's go. - Yes, sir!

Stop!

- Hey, what are you doing? - Get down!

Hey, it's okay. There's a trap under this bridge.

As soon as you touch it, these long arrows will shoot out.

- Let's jump over. - Okay.

Hold it! This place is full of deadly traps.

These bushes here have bamboo stakes.

The scarecrows have knives and weapons.

- How can we get past? - Don't worry. Follow me.

Oh, the Yus' descendants, they're quite polite.

- Get up! - Nonsense! We're looking for your traps.

Traps? The Yus' mansion is a respectable place.

- We have no traps here! - Hey, bastards! You dare deny it.

(Laughing)

Traps? If you're so scared, don't bother to come here and see our master.

- You... - We're not afraid.

We've come to see Uncle today to stop him from hurting Auntie.

Oh, that bitch? She's inside.

Damn you, you thugs!

- How dare you? - You deserve a lesson.

We're waiting for your lesson.

- Come on. - Come on!

Ooh, too much. Weren't this many last night.

- Never mind. The more, the better. - Just like killing chickens!

This is Uncle's trick. He wants to exhaust us.

That's right. If you're scared, you can go home.

(Yelling)

(Clucking)

Ah Tao, look at your uncles. Go and help them.

Wow, great!

Wow, Uncle! Very good!

That's nothing.

Wow!

(Groaning)

- Hey, what's wrong? - Very worn out!

- Oh, no! - Okay.

Listen, we gotta move fast. Ah Tao and I will charge, okay?

Okay. There's three of us here. Let's go!

Ah Tao, charge!

Let's go!

(Howling)

- Go in! - Right!

(Doors creaking)

Let's go.

Hold it!

- Who are they? - They're Granduncle's guards.

Get 'em!

He can control his breath!

(Groaning)

(Whimpering)

Very good, Daddy! You've got a sharp eye!

Oh! So, your rear is your soft spot!

(Both grunting)

(Laughing)

(Howling)

(Chuckles)

Ah!

- Use the steel whip! - Yes, sir!

- Huh? - (Tao chuckles)

Hey, it's me!

Brother, where's Auntie?

- Haven't seen her. - Who are these two?

They're Uncle's guards.

- His sword's pretty good. - And this one?

- What's he doing? - Controlled breathing.

Controlled breathing? The same as our brother.

- Yeah, where is he? - I'm here, guarding the rear.

Are you alright?

- Brother, are you alright? - I'm... I'm fine.

Where's Ah Tao?

(Groaning)

Wow! Ah Tao, not bad!

- Ching-chuen, go find that uncle! - Okay.

Ah Tao, let's go.

Good morning, Third Uncle. My greetings to you.

Hmm... Are your brothers all here?

Oh, us brothers, we're still strong.

- Enough to survive this far, at least. - (Laughing)

Ching-chuen, with your age now, I'm surprised at your strength.

Huh, you're surprised? In comparison to you, my father is young.

Hey, Ah Tao. Your granduncle is becoming young again.

Oh, no wonder he became a thief.

- What'd you say? - Never mind. Bring Grandaunt out here.

(Laughing)

Your grandauntie... I've treated her well.

Ask her to come out.

- Grandaunt! - I see you're all here.

Yes, we're all here.

Grandaunt, have you finished with them?

- Have you got the deeds? - Uh...

- Well, let's go. - She's tied up.

- She's tied up? - (Grunting)

Huh. That's not fair. They've tied her legs.

Sign these papers in front of them. Then I'll let you go.

Uncle! You've gone too far!

Calm down. Get some rest. Let me!

With your kung fu, still fighting two against one?

Ah Tao, he's old. He needs a walking stick.

Oh! So, your godson is your walking stick.

Ah Tei, step back.

Daddy, move aside.

(Yowling)

(Groaning)

Ah Tei, watch out!

(Whimpering)

Uncle! Do you want your godson to be a eunuch?

Just like a palace eunuch, no posterity.

Okay. Ching-chuen, so you've won this time.

- But I... - Oh! You two wanna fight?

Yes.

- And if I win, I'll... - Don't bother.

- The assets all go to Grandaunt. - Yes.

- Alright. - Okay.

- Daddy. - Hey!

Get up!

Take a look.

Be strong, Godfather! That's the way!

You just watch my father!

See? That's a "Ming Palm"!

(Bones cracking)

Look! That was called "Steeling the Nerves". Take a look.

That's "Eagle Grasps Chicken"!

- (Bone popping) - Aargh!

Granduncle, you've lost.

Uncle, you've lost.

I still have this arm.

- Godfather! Are you alright? - Go away!

(Both grunting)

Uncle!

Daddy! Don't, don't!

Don't bother. You've lost already!

- Right? - Yeah! Yeah, that's right!

- Ah Tei! - Go and release her!

What? You still wanna fight?

Your kung fu is almost as good as my dad's.

- Aargh! - Oh, sorry.

Actually, it's your guilt that made you weak. That's why you lost.

- Ah Tao! - Daddy, it's the truth.

(Screaming)

(Panting)

(All) Auntie!

(Overlapping voices)

Be quiet!

Uncle, it was all your fault.

You should've listened to your brother when he said

to give all of his assets to Ching-chuen.

- (Uncles) Yeah, that's right! - Alright.

My job is over.

- From now on, I'm not your auntie. - Oh, you wanna remarry?

(Yowling)

(All) Hey, are you kidding us?

It's the truth! My father's fist is really deadly!

Even my granduncle, he's not his match.

He pushes, he kicks, he shoves again, he'll kick one more time, and then...

- (All) What, what? - Look at that!

(All) Wow! She's a beauty! Hey!

(Whooping)

(All) Miss.

- Aren't you Grandaunt? - No. My name is Susie.

(All) Hey! What a knockout!