All language subtitles for Hes A Woman She’s A Man 1994

Ah!

Don't mess with me. Die!

'Are you ready?'

I can't hear you.

Do you wanna know or not?

Alright, it gives me..

Alright, no more stalling.

Now, I'll announce the winner.

And the winner of this
year's contest is...is

'Not much longer, I have
the winner's name in my hand.'

'Okay, the winner of the 1994
Commercial Radio Awards'

'Top Female Artist is..'

- May Ruse.
- May Ruse!

May Ruse!

Ah, she won! My idol!

- Oh yay! May Rose!
- Ah, she gets it every year.

It's probably fixed.

- Hello. Just barely getting--
- What did you say, fat freak?

Don't you go
bad-mouthing May Rose

or I'll stick my fingers
up your nose! I will.

- Get outta here.
- Thank you very much.

Hello.

This was amazing.

And I just love it
that I won it again.

'This is my third time.'

Uh, and I wanna thank someone.

One very special person.

'He's helped me so much.'

'You all know who he is.'

He is my darling producer,
Sammy Chan.

Tonight, he couldn't come.

Sam.

I love you.

I love you too.

Now shake it up baby now

Shake it up baby

N“ Twist and shout N“

N“ Twist and shout N“

Come on come on
come on baby now

Come on baby

Come on and work it around

Work it around

If You know you're
twisted little girl

Twisted “me gm

If You know you twist so fine If

Twist so fine

Come on and twist
a little closer now If

N“ Twist a little closer N“

And let me know
that you're mine If

Know you're mine If

Hey

N“ A-a-ah N“

Now shake it up baby now

Shake it up baby

Shake it up baby now Jul"
Jul" Shake it up baby If

Shake it
Shake it up baby now

Shake it up baby

Ah-ha-ha-a MM

Yeah!

Hey, you okay, Ray?

So I can't hold my drink.
Can't hold a tune either.

Must be my age.

Well, listen, you're
always gonna be my hero.

Always.

- Hey, Sam.
- What?

You gotta be kidding.

Your father was our idol.

We were really something then.

In the old days.
It was fantastic!

1968, you were a kid and we
were all idealistic and hungry.

Now look at us.

Real estate agents,
for ex dealers.

You're all we have...
with any talent.

The only one who made it.

Hey, Sam. Isn't tonight
the award night?

This is the only night
of the month I get for jamming

with you golden oldies.
I can't miss this.

Dune vomiting?

Now Pete's quarrelling
with his wife

'abuut immigrating.
Come and sort it out.'

I listened to you once
before and quit the band

'cause you didn't like it.
You listen to me now!

I don't understand
why you don't wanna go.

Because someone's got
to commit to this place.

One person can change things?

You don't even
try to understand.

That song sounds familiar no?

Yeah, Sam wrote it for Pete
when Pete proposed to his wife.

It's their special song.
Hey, what a guy.

How can he remember?

May Ruse.

Star memorabilia.
Star memorabilia.

Genuine used tissues.

Aaron Kwok's
genuine used tissues.

Only fifty bucks.

Beautiful tissues"

Hey, you're early today.

Hi. How you doin'?

- 'Full set of baby pics..'
- 'Tony Lang sheets..'

See for yourself.
Come and check it out.

...by the lover
himself. Tony Lang's sheet.

Tony Lang's sheet.
Tony Lang--

- Hey, any Wong You-nam photos?
- No. Try again tomorrow.

Hey, Bobo, why are you out here?

Old Peyoki Big Boobs
has our door spot.

Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hey, Amanda, you know
the rules for working here.

Hey, I'm allowed
to bring my cousin.

You can bring her but she
doesn't get a push in.

Hey, better get in line.

- May, this is just crap.
- Is May new?

I've heard her name.

Uh, only on live fan.

Oh, only alive person
on our spot.

I can stand where I like.

Anyway, I bet you haven't been
to Sam and May Rose's house.

Only yesterday I was there
swimming and it was great.

What a joke! Oh no!
She's a liar.

That's all bullshit.

There's no way you'd ever get
inside their front door, huh?

That's right.

'There she is!'

May Ruse! May Ruse!
May Ruse!

May Ruse!

May Ruse! May Ruse!

May Ruse! May Ruse! May Ruse!

May Ruse!

May Ruse. May Ruse.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

- Hey, what's up?
- Hang on. Hang on.

You know my sister's
daughter's crazy about"

- Can you, um, you know..
- Of course I can.

- Thank you. That's great.
- Sure.

That Pete, he's too much.

One minute he's yelling at her

the next, the guy's
allover her like a rash.

Hot, cold. On, off.
Black, white. Fight, make up--

Yeah, that's the style.

Huh, I'm glad it's not me.

Would drive me crazy.

Wow! What a bouquet!

Well, like you said,
some people fight and make up.

You've only gotta see a rose

'and you'll sneeze
the place down.'

'When you get home,
you'll sniffle the night away.'

'Perhaps you need a change.'

This tire is as
bold as my granddad.

'You need a new one.'

'Hey, let me take
one of these for my wife.'

Help yourself.

'You rushing off
to the coliseum?'

No. Quite night at home.

Surprise!

Honey!

- Alright.
- Just great.

I thought it was just
the two of us.

Oh, it was a surprise.
It's just for you.

I thought you'd
like one party

rather than have
ten separate parties.

Congratulations.
Congratulations.

It's really cool. You won
more awards than last year.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Honey, I got you the greatest
outfit so go and change into it.

You want me to show you what
to do with your balloon, huh?

You sure gut balls wearing that.

Wow! Honey!

Here's a guy who not
only has the goods

but isn't afraid
to show them off. Ha ha.

- Sam.
- Hey, Joseph.

- You are my friend, right?
- What's up?

I fired Tum.

You're kidding me.

And that means you
must be my producer.

Come on. Don't be
like that, huh?

It isn't my line, Joe.
I don't do male singers.

Let me tell you a secret.

- Promise not to tell?
- Hmm.

You can pretend
that I'm a woman.

Josephine! Eh?
And what's your game?

- I was just looking at him.
- Hmph!

What a goofball.
He even took my leaf.

Well, spank him, darling.

'Lucky you showed up
or I might've thumped him.'

Well, can't blame
him for trying.

You're a yummy little
thing in that.

This was May Rose's idea.
I'd never choose it.

OOh!

You know, I can't really figure
out, you guys living like this.

'Private little tunnels into
each other's nether regions.'

Lucky you. Could be kinky.

But it isn't.

I don't think you've done
anything kinky for ages.

All you do is
churn out megahits.

And win mega awards.

Yeah, that's why
I envy Paul Simon

and all those other
Western musicians.

Ah, they can just take off
for Africa whenever they like.

Lucky guys.

Dream on. You couldn't
leave Madam Ruse.

She'd be lost without you.

Yeah, that's the problem.

It's no basis
for a relationship.

You know what you should do?

Find new talents
and nurture them.

Make another success.

Where do I find
someone suitable?

World's crawling with wannabes.

You're afraid 'cause you think
you'll fall in love with them.

But even if you did, so what?

Dump Rosie and stop
being such a wet.

- That's crazy.
- Crazy is it?

Lily, Camilla and Daphne,
your other proteges?

'You fell for them.'

II My poor heart
once broke in two.. If

'Joyce, don't go, baby.'

If I've been laughing
in a private dream

Thinking of all the.. II

'Mabel, I love you.'

Well don't worry
I will wake you If

If I'm not worried
I won't get hurt

Oh my heart is broken in two If

Well awake I'm ready
to mend it If

I'm ready (or you

What are you? Gay?

Hey, I think you guys
have got what it takes.

Wanna be professional singers?

He he. I think that's
a great idea.

What do you think
about doing that?

He doesn't wanna be a singer.
He wants to be May Ruse.

She's flat-chested,
she's just like a young boy.

Can't be May Ruse.

Hey, I'll make like
I'm Sam and turn you on.

Hey! Hey! You're getting outta
hand, so cut all this drivel.

Sam and May Rose are the
greatest couple in the world.

They're just inseparable.

No one could ever tear
those two apart, see?

It's romantic
and blissfully happy.

'Jennifer.'

'I'll love you forever.'

Hey...furtunate|y,
Sam and May Rose are here.

So we can see that
real love still exists

and it's not a dream. Hmm?

Actually, you know
what I'd really like?

I'd like to be
her guardian angel

and look after them forever.

A kind of invisible friend.

That cracks you up, huh?

Hey! Anything's possible.

After all, silly old big boobs
got in to see them.

Enough lip.

Gigi, I didn't lie.

Suzy, oh, such silky thighs.

Hello.

Is that makeup?

No.

Ha ha. Uh, yes.

I was just checking out
this 24-hour foundation

to see if it stays
on me all night.

- I forgot.
- Great.

- Going back to sleep?
- Mm, I am exhausted.

I don't believe it. You're
never tired in the mornings.

You never used to let me sleep.

Get off!

- Mmm!
- Stop it.

Muah!

- Oh no!
- What's wrong?

God, your breath stinks.

- Right, Sam.
- What's the matter?

Do you have something
to tell me?

Why did you embarrass me?

This thing about my bad breath.

You've never said
anything before now.

Is there something going on?

So pretty even when you cry.

- What's up?
- I have bad breath.

Not as bad as mine.

Worse than you.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we drop everything
and go to Africa?

Hang out. Get some new ideas.
Listen to new instruments.

How does that grab you?
Fancy an adventure?

- But what about your music?
- Yeah, that's the whole point.

My music will come alive again.
I need some new input.

Imagine, jungle animals,
rustling breezes, the sea.

Hey, the local music.
Jamming.

Oh!

It's okay.

But the sun's too strong
for me in Africa.

I don't wanna get
any hard freckles.

Ha! But Vienna.
Let's go to Vienna instead.

It's famous for its music

and you can find
your inspiration there.

I won't get freckles and it's
fabulous shopping, you know.

The last time I was there,
I saw some great luggage.

I can pick it up this time
and some crystal as well.

And they make fantastic
lingerie. Hey..

- Where are you going?
- 'Fur a dump.'

Oh, Mr. Chan,
there's someone desperate

to get hold of you
from Japan.

- Hello.
- 'Is he all in black?'

- 'Gloomy, dejected?'
- Yeah, he is.

- How did you know?
- 'Just get hold of him.'

'When everyone says
good morning to him, he'll say goodbye.'

- Good morning.
- Goodbye.

Right.

'Let me guess,
his Shoelaces are undone.'

'And he's forgotten
to put his socks un.'

'Is that right?'

- Amazing.
- 'Hmm, aren't I?.'

'Now just get the new talents
files up real quickly.'

I don't want to. Every time I
give him a file, he yells at me.

'Oh, never mind that. Just do
what I told you and get..'

Come on, hurry up.

'...and give him
the new male acts files too.'

Alright. Alright.

'It's the cream of
the crop. From allover Asia.'

'Whichever one you pick'

'you've made them into an
automatic megastar.'

'Next year's king
or queen of pop.'

Wow! She's really gorgeous.

This one has a great bud.

'I'm not surprised
God created man first.'

If he'd created woman first,
he'd never have gone on.

I wanna see the men.

Just ordinary ones.

I'm not bothered whether
they can sing or not

or if they have
any experience.

Doesn't have to be a hunk.

I just wanna tell
Joe average in the streets

that there is always
hope for him.

Yes, indeed.

That would be a miracle
a fulfillment of my dream.

N“ Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah
Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah
Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah N“

For the Lord God

Omnipotent reigneth

N“ Hallelujah
Hallelujah N“

N“ Hallelujah
Hallelujah.. MN

Hey, don't keep pawing
everything. Buy it or get lost.

You keep coming to look
at that, buy it or go away.

How you go any photos of
Andy Lau in his red T-shirt?

You like the T-shirt wet or dry?

- I like it wet.
- Right. Five dollars more.

Gee, Sam Chan
is scouting for talent

that means I get a chance
to meet him if I try.

Don't get excited.
He's only looking for guys.

Buy.

Hey! You can't enter.

Why can't I enter? Because
I can disguise myself as a guy.

That would be a sight. Great big
melons wobbling up and down.

- Hon, hot), hot).
- Watch it.

And get your rubbish off my
store or I'll call the police.

Huh! I'm shaking.

- Hey, Billy, listen up.
- What?

You haven't got any breasts
at all, you could enter as a guy

and be the new megastar.

Hey, man. How you doin'?

- Hey, open up.
- Yeah, come on.

Let us in. Come on.

Slowly.

All, girlfriends,
go upstairs and wait.

Guys, go upstairs to the
right and take a number.

- Slowly.
- Upstairs and to the right.

Upstairs, right. Take a number.

Hey, come on. Take it easy.

'Come on, one at a time.'

Yo! What)! When!

N“ Bum-bum-bum-bum N“

H you fly hang ham
you better get drunk

Because it sucks MM

(mam it?“ 'Hey' buddy'
you're supposed to sing.“

N“ It's a trick by Mr. Willy
had you looking very silly MN

If Your love has
stripped my defenses

II I feel naked under your gaze

II I yearn for you every night If

Fantasize in the days If

II I tried my best
to make it work If

N“ But you left without a word N“

New I want to die N“

If I'm so lonesome

I'm naked naked

Na.. I”!

Watch it. I still need to
breathe even if I'm being a guy.

You may not have much.
But what there is has got to go.

It's not fair.

You're ready
your broken dream MM

One, two, three..

N“ I know I can't sing
but I try MN

- Wow! Excellent!
- Forget it. Forget it.

You're not listening
to the words.

Number 1-1-2-6.

We'll now perform from
Leon Lai's "Summer Of Love."

'Begin.'

Hey, buddy, could you
sing a little louder?

Huh? He's already
singing his heart out.

But it's mime, use your heart
not your ears, it's easier.

Hey, you went off-key.

Yes I'm fired at my dream

II I love you more than ever If

New walk into my life.. MN

- 'That's fine. Thanks.'
- It's great.

- 'Thank you.'
- Yes, thank you, thank you.

Hey, go away, you nutcase.

Hey, hey. Get him out.

Do something. Hey!

- I love you.
- Alright. Alright.

Hey, you okay?

Thank you very much.

N“ Wa-a-a N“

Wa-a-a MM

Yes, great. Yeah, fantastic.

Wonderful. Don't call us, okay?

- Yeah, great.
- Good job, guys. Come on.

This way.
Out this way now please.

- Follow me.
- Yes, very enthusiastic.

I like it. Okay, thank you.

I know what's the matter.

You know I'm a woman so you
don't take my manhood seriously.

If I act like one, I'll be
treated like one. Right?

- Yeah.
- Something's wrong, Yuri.

These pants don't fit,
they're baggy around the crotch

like there's room
for something else.

Of course there's spare
room in there. You're not a man.

- So what?
- Shove something down there.

- What for instance?
- Hey.

How about this, huh?

- It might work.
- That's my terrapin.

It's the wrong shape.
This wouldn't impress anyone.

And this would easily break.

And this would cutoff
what I do have down there.

I don't think anybody would
believe this, would they?

Hey, how about glow sticks?

Well, don't break the ends off
or you'll shine down there.

Hey, I'll just tie them
together, they'll be alright.

Don't worry about it.
Come on and help me then.

Men don't stand like
that unless they're gay.

Michael Jackson
stands like this.

Just watch me. Alright?
Put your legs apart.

- This thing will fall.
- Hands in your pocket.

It won't. I tied it on
properly. Legs apart. Right.

Take a step.

Right. Right leg first.
Do what I do.

Right, left.
And scratch, scratch.

- Ew! Get lost.
- All men do this.

You want to be a man, don't you?
Come on. Scratch yourself.

- Scratch yourself.
- Do I have to?

- Scratch yourself right now.
- Okay.

Now, let's start again.

Ready. One, two,
scratch, scratch.

Okay, one, two,
scratch, scratch.

One, two, scratch,
scratch. Atta boy.

One, two,
scratch, scratch.

Does it look natural
if I scratch like this?

No. You look like a pervert.
Men just know how to scratch.

I only hope your
glow sticks don't fall off.

- They do feel a bit louse.
- Hey, hey.

Come on or we'll be late.
One, two, scratch, scratch.

Am I doing it right?

Wow, it's late. Oh no!
I've got to make a delivery.

I'll be back in two hours.
I'll meet you here.

- You can't leave me.
- You'll be alright.

- Remember your words?
- No idea.

Fate is..

Now (ate is on my side

Don't let your major assets
fall, you have to think fast.

- Right.
- Fine. Time you went in now.

- No, I'm not going.
- Yeah, you are. oh Freaksville.

- I can wait.
- Now get in there. Go on.

Go on. Good luck.

Mr. Chan, we're in trouble.
It's our last day today.

Hello.

May Rose is having
a tantrum in the studio.

Can you get over there now?

Well, she says
the key is too high for her.

Here.

It isn't.
It's exactly right.

Lower it four tones.

Hey!

Now it's time to introduce
gibb'lty gibb'lty gibb'lty goo

Brother like a mother
been together and forever If

Give it a lot of love
and I give it a lot of.. II

N“ Give it a lot of money
and I give it a lot of.. MN

'9-0-3-6.'

'Number 9-0-3-6.'

Well, this is
the last candidate.

Yes?

Rainbow says
May Rose is wild.

I'm busy. She can
take care of it herself.

Just go downstairs, turn
left and then turn right.

Then go straight in through
the doors. It's there.

Don't be scared.

Uh, May Ruse, wait.
Please wait.

Mr. Chan's
auditioning down there.

He doesn't
wanna be disturbed.

- Who do you think I am?
- I know. I'm sorry.

- Really I am--
- Get out.

I'm sorry,
it's what he said to me.

Give me room!

Sam Chan! Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you, Mr. Big Shot there.

- Finished your game?
- 'It isn't a game.'

- 'I'm auditioning.'
- Yeah, right.

What is your problem?

I'm-I'm speechless.

Why? What's the matter?

I'm your fan.

It's strange,
I'm talking to you.

So this is your idea of talent,
is it? People like him?

I'm deliberately
auditioning ordinary guys.

Ordinary guys? Jeez, you've
seen over 9,000 ordinary guys!

One must be ordinary enough!

What's an ordinary guy?
One who can fly? See the future?

Now here's
a very ordinary guy.

50, guy,
you know how to sing?

Come on,
sing something for us.

Something ordinary.
Introducing an ordinary guy.

'Forget her. Just sing.'

My “he has been

II My life has been
a beautiful day If

My “he has
been an easy ride

II My life has been
none of these things If

N“ But I try too hard N“

Please don't cry
if you are down If

II I want to be your clown

Fate is on ”

Mm, I've forgotten the rest.

Brilliant. Oh, I
was deeply moved.

This must be your guy.

If this man isn't
ordinary enough for you

you better have a brain
transplant or a lobotomy!

Fine. Sign him up.

Signing me?

So the God of ordinary
people has smiled on us.

Right, listen to me.
I witnessed that.

You get into any
trouble with them

you can call me as a witness,
and sue this scum!

Mr. Big Shut...good luck!

So, kid, look me in the eye.

- Are you gay?
- Huh?

- I'm sorry.
- Buzz off.

You and me, girls together.

No. I'm not gay.

Is his look fashionable?
He's a bore.

Well, it isn't.
It's ordinary really.

Specially ordinary.

Special?

He's a dream guy.
He's beautiful.

A little bit feminine.

He'll be a hit with
the boys and the girls.

Where was he when I was
a young guy? Too late now.

What's your name, kid?

It's Billy Wing.

Beautiful. A real
showbiz name that.

Billy...do some turns.

Alright. Stand.

Head up.

- Point your finger.
- Which one?

Any one.

Turn around.

Jump a little.

Well, take your arm down.

- Sit down.
- Can I put my head down now?

Of course, you can.

Yes, he could go far.

Well...very nice.

A little bit thin though.

Excuse me. I need the john.

Perfect.

Need any help, darling?

Yuri! Quick!

Uh, uh,
oh, what's happening?

- Yuri.
- Yeah.

The silly thing's about
to drop off. Do something.

I said you should've tied it on.
Now I gotta tighten it.

Hey, keep still.
Let me get it on.

Ah, ei, ah, okay,
heck, it's falling off.

'Ow'. That hurts.'

- 'Dun't push so hard.'
- 'Relax.'

'It's easy if you let me do it.'

'No way. It's
so big, we can't get it in.'

'It's meant to be
big. Just relax. That's better.'

- 'To the left. Just a bit.'
- 'Is that okay?'

'Ah, ah, that's it. Enough.
Let's finish when we get home.'

'I didn't wanna
do it here anyway.'

You really think
he has star quality?

Girl's intuition.

But, Auntie, I think
he just doesn't have it.

I know he's very
green, but even so.

Listen, darlin', all new
singers sound like cats.

Just tell me which new
singer ever sounded good?

You'll fix it in the studio.

We can fix any old
screecher. Relax.

Packaging, that's the trick.

What they dress like,
how they do their hair

where they hang out.

I can sell him.

The real question is,
do you trust me enough?

If you do, then
we're backing a winner.

Sign him. Trust me.

Why aren't you signing?

I think you...
you might regret it.

'Mr. Chan
doesn't have time for regrets.'

'You'll be the one regretting
it if you don't sign.'

Right, just remember

you're the one who wants
me to be a male star.

What's that?

Nothing.

Oh, alright,
you just promise

that this is what
you really like.

When do I get
my own fan club?

'One, two, three,
four. One, two, seven, eight.'

'One and two and three and four'

'and five and six
and seven and eight.'

And up and up.

Three, four, five,
six, seven. Up.

One, two, three,
four, five, six, and up.

- Aa-a-a-'l-'l-'I.
- 'Aa'I, good.'

- 'On-n-n.'
- OO-O-O.

Round emu-0.00414),
to the left. Right.

Jaw left, jaw right,
jaw up, jaw down.

Jaw up, jaw down.
Open. Let it come.

Like so with
total emotion.

- Oo-aa-aa-aa-a-a!
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!

- Down again, down again.
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a.

Now up again.

- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!

- Down again..
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a.

- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!

- One more time. Very good.
- Aa-aa-aa-a-a!

Mr. Chan. I'm sorry. May Rose's
friend has parked in your spot.

Hello?

'Move your
friend's car from my space.'

It's only one night, huh.
Hey, Roger.

Huh? Roger? You're
with that creep again?

'Stup
banging on. It's his birthday.'

His...okay,
so it's his birthday.

That gives him the right
to sleep with my girlfriend?

. Hey--
- Hey, another drink.

- Shh.
- Give me that.

He didn't wish
me happy birthday.

- Why didn't you wish--
- Don't be silly. Give it to me.

Sorry, but you'll
just have to do

without it tonight.
The car park.

Hey!

Fool!

He was very drunk,
and he wouldn't go home.

Can you help me with him?

Please.

Amazing guy that,
he was born twice.

What's wrong?
You angry?

We have an agreement,
so long as we're not married

I can date whoever I
like and so can you.

Anyway I only did it
to make you jealous.

Forget jealous. The guy's
a jerk. I feel sorry for you.

So how's your
ordinary guy?

Can he sing?

I think he'll learn.

He has heart.

Heart?

Don't I sing with heart?

This is where you live.

- I wanna sleep at your place.
- No way.

- Why can't I?
- I got a lot of work.

- I'll stay up and help you.
- No, thanks.

- Look, see you later.
- Come on.

I don't wanna
have to go home.

- Come on.
- Don't do that.

- Hey, stop it.
- Ha ha. Whoa! Wha..

- Crazy.
- What happened?

What's wrong?

- 'Damn! Now what?'
- 'The lift is stuck.'

'Oh, no. Not again?

'It's your fault. I never liked
this place. I wanted a huuse.'

- 'Oh, Stu" it'.'
- 'Don't get hysterical'

- 'Open the door!'
- 'It's only a broken lift.'

'Can't you even service a lift?
The useless jerks!'

'I need to know you a little'

'since I'll be
writing your material'

'to know who you are
and what you're about.'

'Su I can write
songs you relate to.'

Design a song.

What was your
first girlfriend?

What guy remembers
these things? I've no idea.

When did you first have sex?

Hey, that's a bit
personal, isn't it?

You're still a virgin.

Come on.
They're an extinct species.

- Okay?
- Okay.

So who was she?

Mm, well,
the first chick I lay

I don't remember her name

I woke up, she was there.
Then she got up and went.

Listen, kid, you've
gotta be honest with me

or I can't help you.

That stuff's
all in the past.

All I know about your
present is your name.

Well, alright.
Uh...| have two idols.

- Who are they?
- You and May Ruse.

When are you
getting married?

When did I ever say
anything about getting married?

It was in a magazine.

Everyone says you two have
been together for so long

you're the perfect couple,
like a fairy tale come true.

You're a Sagittarius,
but she's a Leo.

You're the perfect couple
according to astrology.

- What else do you know?
- A lot.

You were an only child
and your father was Duke Chan.

'Your love of music started
with him and he was your idol.'

You studied in the States
and returned in 1985

and nobody would buy your songs.

You played the piano
in a hotel bar.

'No bad habits,
just one ritual.'

'You jam with the Golden Oldies'

the first Saturday of every
month. Atop priority.

Hello.

Yeah, what?

Again?

Okay, we'll talk later.
I'm sorry.

What's going on?

Nusey Parker.

Shall we continue
this at my place?

Why not?

Mr. Chan,
it gets messier.

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.

Oh, yeah, the lift's
been playing up again.

Get somebody to fix it,
will you?

- Yeah..
- It could be dangerous.

Wow, hey, who's the genius
who organized this lot?

Looks like a bomb hit it.

Your other idol.

May Rose?

Wow.

Great. I didn't think
I'd ever see that again.

'I thought you two
lived together.'

Which magazine did
you get that from?

Knock that rumor
on the head right now.

It's malicious gossip.

- She lives downstairs.
- 'That's a good idea.'

Not living together but you can
see each other. Very new age.

Ooh, great.

Hey, why is May Rose
moving all her stuff out?

Oh, she's always
moving her stuff around.

Happens several
times a year.

No, you're not
breaking up, are you?

Women are only happy when
they give men a hard time.

Hey, that's
pretty chauvinist.

Do you two fight a lot?

Wow, this is some piano.

Hey, is this
where you compose?

No, it isn't.
I do that in the bath.

Can you play the piano?

I can a little bit.

[instrumental
“Mary Had A Little Lamb“)

Anyone home?

That thing's from
my father's old place.

It isn't real.

I know that.
I'm not dumb.

Garbage bin.

Wow, May Rose's
signature is on this.

Why is it in the bin?

Romantic, love letter.

It's not romantic.
It's just a note, that's all.

If you don't want it,
I'll have it.

Whatever.

What else is there?

It's like a treasure chest.

Hey, don't just sit there. Go
to May Rose and say sorry, huh?

Why should I say sorry?

It's women. They like
to be pampered by men.

Of course, that gives men
a lotta control over women, un?

What's "un?"

Un, understand.

Generation chasm here.

Hey, which is her side?

You wanna know
what we do there too?

Sorry. Un, un.

Get out of here.

These things here, which is
her set and which is your set?

- Does it matter?
- Of course it does.

May Rose's would
fetch about 300

and yours, a bit less,
about a 100.

You're taking my garbage
to sell on the streets?

Isn't that a bit
greedy of you?

I'll go now.

- Why?
- You'd never understand.

The rich never
understand the poor.

And if we disagree,
you'll always win.

Where do you live?

Uh, Kowloon City.

Planes come over at 200 ft.
every two minutes

and we got a lotta
cockroaches and cats too.

Plus, the landlord peeps
when I take a shower.

At you?

Weird guy.
That's the trouble with him.

- Can you move?
- I'd love to move in.

Thanks. You can get to know
me better, teach me the piano.

I'll clean the house.
It's a deal. I appreciate it.

See you tomorrow then.
Seven o'clock.

Good morning.
Room service.

Good morning, sir. Coffee?

- It looks delicious.
- It is.

'I used to love
doing this as a kid.'

Playing house?

Uh, yeah, it's not
all that strange.

My neighbors were girls.
They always wanted to play.

Certainly had an effect.

- 'Huh?'
- Oh, nothing.

Hello. How's it going?

What?

Okay, we'll talk later.

Sir, can I get
you anything else?

Uh, I've gotta go to the studio.
Do you wanna come by later?

Oh, I shall record
with May Rose today.

You make up yet?

As you seem to be
a permanent resident here now

I'll tell you
the rules. Listen.

If something isn't
any concern of yours

you don't ask
personal questions.

So in other words,
don't crowd me.

Un, un.

Well, I blew that one.

Hello.

Yes? Oh..

I don't know,
she didn't say.

Alright, yeah, sure.
Okay, mm-hmm, bye-bye.

The boss again.
He wants you there.

He can wait.
I'm not his slave.

It's good for him.

Edward, you can't live.
I'll get you.

No Chance, roachy. Come here.

Oh, dear.

Hmm?

There you are.

A cockroach.

Hey, hold still.
I'll get it for you.

- Get it off me!
- Stand still for a moment.

I'll get it for you. Hold on!
Where is it? Where did it go?

I can get it
for you. Hold on!

- You, you, you..
- What's wrong?

Ouch!

Alright, get rid of
all the cockroaches.

I've got lots
more shampoo here.

I'm fine.
Don't need anything, thanks.

- Guess I made a foul of myself.
- I'm really sorry.

I guess it was a basic
instinct to hit you.

You don't mind then?

No. I can't help laughing.

It's so funny.

Alright then, I'll let
you off this time, alright?

- Ha ha ha.
- Only because you're my idol.

'A secret tunnel
here, whose idea was it?'

Sam insisted we have it.
Usually I keep it locked though.

Quite right. It's what
an unmarried lady should do.

You're even
prettier in the flesh

than you are in
your photographs.

Your skin is gorgeous.
Better off without make-up.

Remember when you sang
"Love You For Life"

for MTV that
night and you were

that tiny little dress
and it was see-through?

You looked so stunning
that night. Just sexy.

You dirty little schoolboy.

Mm, not really like that.

I'm a fan, that's all.
I've always been a fan of yours.

But I don't want anything
at all. I'm your silent admirer.

I understand.

Blast! I'm supposed
to be at the studio!

- Is Billy here yet?
- Hmm.

He's recording.

- By himself?
- No.

He's in there
with May Ruse.

Now for the last
part of the song

I wanna use all the lasers
focused on him.

Then they snuggle up
and he gives her a kiss.

Hey, hold on. No kissing.

I'm just a young kid, alright?

Kissing's not good
for my image. Forget it.

Yuri, I missed you.

I missed you too.
I've got something for ya.

Let me give you a big kiss.

Hey, hey, ten
heavy-duty glow-sticks

and some heavy-duty tape.

Hey, I tried it.
It hurts when you remove it.

Yeah, but it's cheap.
Come on.

- What's going on out there?
- He he, it's Billy.

He's with a guy. Look, he's gay.

- You can't say.
- Oh, yes, I can.

I overheard them
in the washroom.

They were trying to

get it on in one of
the cubicles. Ha ha.

Rub this aftershave
on your face every day.

Make you smell
more masculine.

No wonder he
didn't wanna kiss her.

- Billy boy's gay.
- Yeah.

Well, he was flirting
earlier with me.

Oh, you're
so nice to me.

And I feel guilty
about it all the time.

- I don't deserve it.
- Aw.

Of course,
I'm nice to you, silly.

I'm your number one fan

since we were
at primary school together.

But don't get the wrong idea. A
friend and a fan, nothing else.

Mr. Chan,
when you go to bed tonight

better wear
extra underpants.

Off we go. Boo boo.

Hey, uh, come here a minute?

Listen, I know it's
none of my business.

And I do respect that
you have a personal life.

However...| have
been wondering...um..

Look, can we be honest?

What do you want to know?

Are you...you know?

What?

Let's try this.

Every society has its own
set of rules that it lives by.

And there are sometimes
things that aren't acceptable.

Now I don't mind, but other
people aren't so easy-going.

I don't get it.

Are you gay?

I'm not. No.

What?

I look like a girl.

I'm a 100% man though.

Uh, whatever.

But I wanna make it clear
that in this line of business

people get real
sensitive about this issue.

Be careful.
Just be discreet, right?

Listen, I am not gay.

- I swear to it.
- Don't get so excited, huh.

- So may I go to bed now?
- Goodnight.

Uh, hey!

L-listen, I just wanna let
you know that, um, it's alright.

- Hey.
. Uh?

Don't know if you
know it already

but the lock on
my door is broken.

'Yours as well. That's weird.'

Uh, no, no, no,
mine's alright.

Were you thinking
of coming over

in the middle of the night?
To get to know me better?

Oh, no. I can't bear
being disturbed at night.

It makes me violent.
I mean it.

- Uh, goodnight.
- Goodnight.

No. No. I'm sorry.
It's a star party. Very sorry.

It's a very, very big party.

Why is it so quiet
in here tonight?

'Cause I booked
the whole restaurant.

It's just a way
of saying sorry..

...for hitting you
the other night

when you were
a cockroach.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

But don't you like red
wine like your boyfriend?

To be quite candid,
we don't have much in common.

Uh, think I spoke out of turn.

Sam says that I seem..

Or rather..

People can read me
like an open book.

I'm rather obvious for him.

A little brazen.

Really? Keep talking.
You're so interesting.

Alright, Sam's obsessed
with perfection.

That makes women insecure.

He's always been the same.

Luckily, I really love him.

If not for Sam..

...I'd still be working in some
sleazy flea bed somewhere.

- I owe everything to him.
- Hey, you've worked hard!

I mean to say, when you're up
on stage everyone loves you.

They're crazy for you.
You're so beautiful.

And you know, I never
thought that I could meet you

never mind sing with you.

The first time I met you,
my heart went pum-pum, pum-pum

pum-pum, pum-pum, pum-pum.

Petrifying, huh?

What's it like
with your heart now?

Pum-pum, pum-pum

pum-pum, pum-pum.

Pounding away?

- You smell nice.
- Yeah?

Hah, excuse me.

- You're huggable.
- Really?

- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.

What's that?
What's that?

Who took that?

That'll be in
the gossip column.

No problem.
Sam might get jealous.

Maybe they
won't publish it.

- 'Are you better now?'
- 'Yes.'

Here.

Make yourself comfortable.

I'll be back just now.

What are you staring
at me like that for?

You're so gorgeous.

And you're a naughty boy.

What a gorgeous
little boy you are.

I've wanted to touch a lady
there for the longest time..

...to see what
it feels like.

Women are
different from men.

Hmm-m-m...nut yet.

Please do my zip.

Tsk, I mean
zip it up, not down.

You're a little too eager,
my friend. Take it easy.

Sorry, sorry.
I wasn't thinking.

Tsk, goodness' sake,
it's a bit late now

you might as well take it
off having gone this far.

You weren't thinking, huh?

I like..

Yes, Billy.

Huh?

Go on.

I'd like Sam to marry you,
take you down the aisle.

That's what
I would really like.

That was wrong, huh?

You're close to moronic.

You came onto me
all night like God knows what.

This boy is done.

But you're my idol,
I worship you.

- No, you're gay.
- I'm not.

I know you're gay. Everyone
in the office says you are.

What do you say?

Don't pick on me.

Well, if you're not gay,
why aren't you turned on?

I think I better go.

No. Please just say it.

Just tell me,
are you gay or a normal guy?

If you don't tell me,
I'll never get my rest.

You're a gay.
Billy, I can keep a secret.

Yes.

So tell me, whatever made you
decide to be gay?

I didn't decide.

Were you forced
into it somehow?

You could say that.

I knew it.

You were abused
when you were a kid.

And so you turned against
all women, right?

No.

Or you've got a psychological
block and can't remember?

Stop asking.

That means you've never
experienced

the joy of making love
to a woman.

You did say you wanted
to touch me here.

- It does feel nice.
- Very nice.

Hey, I don't like women.

How do you know?
You haven't tried.

I know lots of people
who were gay

later decided
to be straight.

Oh, I'm not like that.

It might be hard to begin with,
but once you start"

Honestly..

But it's not
as easy as all that.

Well, what is the matter?
Huh?

You'd never understand.

Hey, just try me.

Have brandy with eggs, it'll
stimulate your testosterone.

- But I don't like brandy.
- It's easy.

You don't like brandy?

Then turn off the lights.

I'll pretend that I'm a guy.

It's impossible,
with a body like that.

You haven't touched it yet.
Sleep with me.

- Uh, no, I'm not tired.
- Well, pretend you are.

- Come here.
- I can't.

- Let me go!
- I won't bite you.

- 'NO.'
- Billy, come here.

IYuu'll like it, Billy.I

Get away from me.

May Ruse, please don't hurt me.

Uh?

Okay, okay then,
whatever you say.

And don't worry
about tonight, Billy.

Your secret's safe with me.

Shh. It's between us, alright?

If I don't get
to be a normal man

you'll still be
friends with me?

I'm sorry,
that won't be possible.

However, I will treat you
like my sister.

Well, that's pretty generous.

Yes, I guess.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Be careful, sweetie. We don't
want your protege usurping you.

Seen those photos
of him and Madam Rosie?

I'm not scared.
Nothing's happening.

He's like you.

I was sure of that.

I'd better talk to him
before he messes up.

I was this, this,
this...and this.

See? There are some things
in life you just can't change.

I don't know why you're
so afraid of Billy anyway.

He's such
a skinny little runt

attractive
in a very feminine way.

The trouble with you
is you don't begin

to understand how gay men think.

If we don't like it
with you guys

we get straight in there,
no pretending.

I see someone I like,
I go straight up and say it.

So then we get on with it,
if we want to.

If it feels any good,
then we go for it.

It's not just get along
and find someone else.

Do with any man,
don't waste my time.

My suggestion to you is
don't lock your bedroom door.

Be open to him.

The problem's not Billy,
it's you.

Um..

Are you gay?

Oh-ho.

Say what?

Look, it's fan mail.

Love letter.

But this one's from a man.

'Hey, What's
happened? Huh?'

'Not again!
Help! Open the dour.'

'Hey, Open this dour.'

- 'Hey--'
- 'You bunch of ning-nung..'

'I told you to amend this lift.'

- 'What do you think--'
- 'It's only tempurary.'

'Four thousands
smackeruunies down the drainage.'

'And this only
lift breaks down.'

'I hate the dark!
I hate it!I

Hey, I'm the guy
with the lamp.

It's alright.

How come you got
these things?

I used to be scared
of being trapped too

and I also hate the dark.

So I carry these
and say tongue twisters.

Madonna's on a date
with Maraduna

at the McDonald road
McDonald's.

Got it?

- Madonna's on a McDonald's
- No, no, no.

Just say it slowly.

Madonna's
on a date with Maraduna

at the McDonald road's McDonald.

- Alright, okay.
- That's it, do it.

Madonna's
on a date with Maraduna

at the McDonald road's McDonald.

Yes, got it.

N“ Madonna's on a date
with Maraduna N“

N“ At the McDonald
road McDonald's MN

Come on, get up.
Join.

If Madonna's
on a date with Maradona

N“ At the McDonald road
McDonald's MN

Do it.

If Madonna's
on a date with Maradona

N“ At the McDonald road
McDonald's MN

Yeah!

N“ Madonna's on a date
with Maraduna N“

N“ At the McDonald road
McDonald's MN

We“ shake it up baby now

Shake it up baby

N“ Twist and shout N“

N“ Twist and shout N“

Come on come on come on
come on baby now

Come on baby now

Come on and work it
on out If

Work it on out

If You know you twist
little girl

N“ Twist
little girl N“

If You know you twist so fine If

Twist so fine

Come on and twist
a little closer now If

N“ Twist a little closer MN

Okay, get it off the table.

- Hey, Do..
- Shh!

Come on, hurry up.

You know, what I need the most?

I need the birdie,
and, whoa, I got it.

- I got it.
- That's not fair.

Hey, shh. Who's that?

Hey, hide it.
Hide it quickly. Come on.

- Get rid of it.
- Quick, quick.

Hi.

You..

- 'Let's get back to the game.'
- 'Come un.'

'Yeah!'

You're having good time?

Yeah, you bet.

What are you doing?

Writing a song.
It's the best I can come up

with after four years
in the bath.

Ju-just play it again.

Is that what you wanted?

You're just a genius.

I guess you were singing
about May Ruse.

The one in the song
is a dream.

Why is your heart pounding
like that?

I need to pee.

May Rose, the stars say
that Leo's will go on a voyage

this week
and your best color is red.

Have I gained weight?

Don't think so.

This is a special
kind of mirror.

It makes you look thinner
than you really are.

I chose it deliberately because
it makes me feel more confident.

But it isn't real.

Too much reality can get
right up your nose.

I remember that dress. You were
it on the tour of Greece

when you did the MTV thing.

I'd prefer the one you were

at the Alan Tan concert
four years ago.

You were his special guest

that's when I first
fell for you.

I wish Sam took as much
notice of me as you do.

Oh, but he does.
He adores you.

Don't be silly, I know exactly
how Sam feels about me.

- Isn't this pretty?
- Hm.

He made it for me himself, the
first year we started going out.

Wow, "I love you."
Hey.

He's never actually
said it though.

Ah, so, we fashion guys,
we don't say things like that.

Every time that Sam and I
have an argument

I get this card out
and open it up.

But I don't keep it open
for too long.

You see, I'm afraid
that the music will stop.

Just recently,
he's been a little glum.

He wants something different.

A simple life
with ordinary people.

It's no wonder
he likes you, is it?

Me?

If you were a girl, I'm sure Sam
would go after you in a big way.

Couldn't you lead a simple life?

Uh, not anymore.

Well, I couldn't go back
and start over again.

But since you moved in,
Sam's been so much happier.

And he's writing songs.

It's like the old days,
I hear him playing the piano

like he used to before.

Oh, no. I've turned from
the guardian angel into a witch.

I'm destroying their
fairy-tale romance

Hey, you mean,
you really thinks he likes you.

Well, now, that's what he said.

He likes Billy
'cause he's ordinary.

He's only saying
he likes simple things.

There's lots of other ordinary
people in the world, why Billy?

Good point.

And I'm a man too.

The problem is you're
really a woman.

Yeah, but Sam doesn't
actually know that.

No problem with that,
just tell him the truth.

Oh, you'll never understand.

Don't blame you,
I don't understand.

Life's so complicated.

'What's complicated?'

Well, nothing.

I'm just trying
to teach these puppets

few things
about...the facts of life.

Which one's smarter?

Me, he's dumb.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Alright?

Uh, Sam told me, he's much
happier since you moved in here.

Because you've inspired him
and made life more fun.

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

He says thanks.

Hey, have you ever had,
uh, one of those days

where you wake up and you have
no idea what do that day?

Oh, I have days
like that all the time.

Doesn't everyone?

I guess. Silly, isn't it?

Um, but what's nice, uh, is to
make ourselves an adventure

just get in the car
and then simply

pick a place at random
and we just drive there.

We just follow the map
and drive.

But I don't know
how to read a map.

Is that stupid?

It's imbecilic.

Uh, sorry, perhaps it'll be
more exciting like that.

Uh, but whatever, if we have
a map or not, we'll do it.

And get this.

When we get hungry, then we'll
stop the car and pig-out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm such a
greedy pig, I'd love that.

Yeah? Well then.

Crocodile steaks
and termites for dinner.

Hey, eh?

Right. Sam said to me, he thinks
the four of us should stop

whatever we're doing
and go on a musical adventure

in the depths
of the African jungle.

What do you say?

Us four? Really?

Yes. But not yet.

Get established first
and when you really need

to dig deeper into yourself,
we'll go there.

Okay. Then we can race through
the jungle all day

climb up a tree at night
and sleep there.

Then get greeted by giraffe
in the morning. Giraffe kiss.

And we can pick fruit and have
it for breakfast, like monkeys.

Look, the mouse over there

the elephant.

Is that a flying elephant?

Well, why not?
You see, it's a magical jungle.

We do whatever we like.

- It's a genuine offer?
- It is.

As I see it, you'd be a great
travelling companion.

You're cocky,
and certainly nosy.

Not to mention, picky
and self-opinionated, ideal.

Well, it could be easier
if you were a girl.

Just treat her like one.

Oh, eh!

Oh, well, you can't
have everything.

Besides, I'm grateful
that I can have you as a chum.

It's alright.

Well, I never knew
I was that valuable.

Didn't anyone ever say?

No, it's the first time.

Gotta go.

I want you.

What are you doing?

Stop it. You're crazy.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing. You don't stop, okay?

What's wrong now?

Sorry, sorry.

'I'm attracted to man.'

'I've always loved
women befure.'

Maybe I never liked them.

Silly, not all gays are born
knowing their situation

and some gays
aren't even born gay.

They gradually find life gets
gayer as it goes along.

And yet others discover
that they're gay

a lot later in life.
Bit by bit.

There are many choices.

I should know.
I didn't actually discover

I was gay
until I was 30.

- Thirty, you say?
- Mm-hm.

That's right.

And I didn't find out
until last night, huh?

You've met Charles,
I think.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, is, would it be possible do
you think for a man to..

Okay, yes, you're like a guy.

I just mean that"

Could it just be, well,
just spiritual?

So do you want to kiss him?

Mmm, just jump in there,
it's the best thing, huh?

Don't try and think.
Doesn't suit you. Go to sleep.

Hmph.

- Listen, Auntie.
- Hm.

Just tell me what to do.

So, just accept you're gay.

It'll be alright.

Hurry back.

What's all this then?

I'm only takin' a short break.

Just be three days.

Nu landlady.
She ran away for a week.

And took the kid.

Husband didn't notice.

Eh. And guess what?

There was a robbery here.

No one was killed though
but it was on the news.

What's up? You haven't stopped
ironing since you got back.

I'm in love, Si.

Bah!

In love?
Are you sure?

All he has to do is just look at
me and I just go weak allover.

Who is it? Sam?

I was just saying, alright?

If he as much as touches
my hand, the heart goes

boom-boom-boom-boo-boo-boom,
hopeless.

His heart or yours?

Oh, it's both of our hearts,
but a different beat.

And then pumps,
and my hands get all sweaty

and I can't breathe properly

then this hot sensation
takes me over

hun-u-u-u Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia
like that.

Well, anyway, Yuri,
what do you think?

Could this be love?

How will I know?
Never been there.

You're no help at all.

- Hey.
- What?

Would you help me
to lose it?

What?

Oh, you know. You know
what I haven't done yet.

If you help me lose it,
I'll be a real woman for him.

'Oh, great. I'm sure he'd really
appreciate that'

'and your high IQ'

I'm falling
in love with a guy

I know that it's not
add in the long run.

And if he's my first lover

I know I'll never be able
to forget him.

- So, don't do anything.
- But I want to.

I can hardly get my hands off.

That's why I want to do it first
with someone who doesn't matter.

- And who's that?
- It's you.

Because after you, I go
with Sam then I don't get upset.

Oh, well,
I'm your dummy run.

Huh? Oh, I'm glad you came.
Thanks, but it's allover.

A little bit of practice here
then I'll do it over there

bit of him, bit of me.

Oh, shut up!
Don't do it then.

II'II do it with the Iandlurd.'

Alright.

Oh no, look, a hound dug,
there's flees in here.

Yeah, but we can't go back to
Sam's room or she'll lose it

so go to sleep.

Go to sleep.

Uh!

What're you doing?
We can't.

We can.

I'm a man though.

I know.

Ah.

I can't.

I can't!

I'm sorry.

Not with a man.

Look, I..

I'm not"

Hey, but you didn't get much
of a tan in Singapore, did you?

Shall I open the roof,
we can let the sun in

to liven your tan up a bit?

No, thanks.

Well, fine. AI-alright.

Now, are these windows
working okay?

Seems alright.

Where's Mr. Chan?

Uh, hm, Mr. Chan?

Where is he?

In Singapore
for how long, was it?

Oh, where is Mr. Chan?

Uh, we haven't actually
seen him for three days.

Hey, Billy.

Why are you all packed up?
Where're you going?

Uh, I'm leaving.

Well, Sam's already gone,
and you're going.

What's going on?

Why are you crying?

What on earth has happened?

I messed up everything.

Messed up everything?
What's that?

Just explain slowly,
I won't yell at you, okay?

I've fallen for, Mr. Chan.

Lots of girls fall for him.

But you're not a girl.

You're homosexual
and Sam is straight.

There's no way he could be
interested in a man, really.

- Did he do anything?
- No.

- He came unto you?
- No.

- Did he do anything? Huh?
- No.

Well, if he did anything,
he was blotto.

If you are feeling horny,
go pick up someone else

leave my guy alone.

And to think, I've been
treating you like my sister.

You promised you won't yell.

Listen, get real.

He'll never love you.
You're the wrong sex, kid.

He only likes women.

Get that? Real women.

But I'm a real woman.

I've heard of wishful thinking.

Let's take a look
at what a woman is. I'm a woman.

See what I've got that you
haven't, they're called breasts.

You don't have any,
you don't have any, you..

They're not my biggest asset.

For sure.

Nothing happened.
He didn't do anything.

He ran off
and I never saw him again.

Get out.

And look, I won't tell
anyone you're a woman.

Don't worry about that.

But know
that I can't lose Sam.

I...I need that guy.

You must never see him again.

Please, don't cry.

I'm begging..
Sam mustn't find you again.

Can you agree?

Well, if I can,
win you really guarantee..

...that you two
will stay together.

Like before in your fairytale?

Billy.
Yes, I can.

So, you've been walkabout?

I suppose you know,
everyone's looking for you.

Did they find me?

Nu trace.

Of course they didn't.

Let me know if they do.
I don't know where I am.

I know what happened
between you.

And I love Billy,
like he's my own sister.

And you like him too. You just
got in too close that's all.

He's your protege.

You always fall in love
with your singers.

You did with me.

It's alright. You just
got him confused with me.

Come, Sam,
I'll delay the concert.

And give us space.

Things can just stay the same.

Hmm?

I can't go back
to how we were.

Oh, plague on him.

He was like a sister to me.

It's alright he's gone, Sam.
He won't be back again.

It had nothing to do with Billy
it was between us.

It wasn't. You and I
are the perfect couple.

Everyone knows that--

Look it's a fantasy.
It doesn't exists.

It isn't real.
We've been deceiving ourselves.

- Do you hear me?
- I won't hear it.

You will hear it.
I want you to understand.

Can't you see
we're not this delusion.

This fantasy
you have of the ideal couple--

- No, no.
- We're not right together.

You're looking for a way to dump
me. You've fallen for Billy.

I didn't do anything.
I'm not gay.

Do you love Billy?

Sam. Sam.

Sam.

I'm sorry.

'Ladies and
gentlemen and the winner of the 1995'

'commercial radio top female
artist this year is..'

Thank you, everybody. Thanks.

Thanks a lot, everybody.

Tonight I'm delighted
to be able to accept this honor

for the forth time.

And thank you.

Now, tonight I have something
very special to say.

What is it? A concert?

Of course it's not a concert.

All you single guys had better
pay special attention now.

I'm available again.

And that's because
Sam and I have split up.

But anyway. I'll take this
opportunity to thank him.

'Thank you, Sam.'

'Fur helping and ordinary woman,
to blossom under your care.'

'You gave me a new life.'

'You gave me love,
you gave me music.'

'Yes music and joy.'

And because you love me. Now,
I realize I'll be able to cope.

I know this for the first time.

As I go
into the future...alone.

And whether
I succeeded or not.

'Thanks to Sam...| have so much
more confidence and courage.'

Sam, honestly
I won't let you down.

I will stand here and win
this award for you again.

I love you, Sam.

Always.

Hey. What's wrong?

You wouldn't understand.

Sam?

They...they had
a perfect relationship

and I ruined it for them.

I understand.

Cry. Just let it flew.

It will do you good to cry.

Bold girl.

- Thank you.
- Congratulations.

- Hey, here is to us.
- Congratulations.

Congratulations!

- Well, thanks very much.
- Really.

Here have a taste of this.

Oh, good.

- How does that taste?
- How does that taste, huh?

Been a while, huh?

Lot of things
I haven't done in a while.

- You enjoy.
- Bye. Better get another.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Congratulations, darling.
- 'Thank you.'

- 'You look so pretty tonight.'
- 'Thanks.'

Hey, long time no see.

Thank you.

Are you heard?

These are for you.

Africa.

But what about
your concert tour?

I didn't say
I was going to Africa.

Things change.

I'll never go back and be an
ordinary person lets face it.

I'm not
the girl next door type.

And all the best
fairytales that I know off.

Everyone always
gets their dream.

A happy ending.

Well, we're gonna have
a happy ending.

Go our separate ways,
but be friends forever.

Right?

Your best friend.

Wow! You've been crying
for two hours.

- Buy.
- You wouldn't understand.

What wouldn't I understand?

When I was breaking up
their relationship

you know what...| was happy.

Oh. | get it.

You wanna be happy again.

But how?

Right, left, right.

- Left--
- Do I have to scratch again?

Just do it.
Don't ask questions.

Right, left, right, left.
Faster now.

Faster. Now, can you see
someone up ahead there?

It's the landlord.

Get out of it.
It's Sam, huh.

- Hello, Sam. Hi.
- That isn't funny.

There he is.
Right over there.

Visualize. Over there.

Sam, hi.

Okay. Try it.
Come on.

- Sam, hi.
- Sam.

- Right. Happier now?
- Yes, sir.

- See.
- Sam.

Is he getting
more real and bigger?

- You are.
- You know what it's like?

The close you get to something,
the bigger it appears.

- Do it again. Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Sam.

Okay. Faster.

Hey, Billy.

Faster. Go on.

- Mwah.
- Hey, come back.

- What?
- You gotta get changed.

You can't go to him
looking like that.

Okay, Sam.

I'm ready.

'Good girl.
Go for it.'

Taxi. Taxi.

Hey. Hey, hey, stop.

Bike. Bike's what I need.

Oh.

Please, continue.

Oh, whoopsie!

Oh!

It does nothing for me at all.

I was always a girl.

A girl. That's the truth.

I'm not a ghost.

Doesn't matter what you are.

All I know is I love you.

- 'Oh, not again.'
- 'Huh. Who care.'

Listen to my have

II I know you understand

Listen to my have

My have