Original subtitles

Don't open that door!

Hi-dee-ho, winslows!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Well, whatcha watching, Honey knees?

A horror movie, But you're here now,

And that's much more Frightening.

Gosh, what a witty wench.

Hee hee hee hee.

[snort]

Steve, go home.

Hey! What are you doing?

I know, I know, I know.

You all need your dash Of slash and gash.

I've got somebody I'd like you to meet.

It's my aunt oona.

Aunt oona?

From altoona.

Well, where is she?

Well, she's outside Hiding in your bushes.

Uh, why is she Doing that, steve?

Well, because she's shy.

The truth is, unlike me,

My aunt oona is a little...

Odd.

Aunt oona!

What?

Come on, come on.

Meet the wonderful Winslows.

Everybody, This is my aunt oona.

From altoona.

Well, hello-- Hey--

Aah!

Well, that was nice.

Give me that.

Aunt oona!

What?

Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Now, they don't bite,

And even if they do,

They've already Had their shots.

This is harriette And carl winslow,

My best bud eddo, My main man richie,

And the lovely laura.

So, uh, oona,

How are things In altoona?

Oh, not so good.

I've had a streak Of bad luck.

Oh. Well, What happened?

My kitchen exploded.

Oh. How did it Do that?

The gas line broke when My living room flooded.

Well, how did your Living room flood?

The water pipe snapped When the roof collapsed.

But if you--

Give it up, carl. It's quicksand.

I think I'm getting A headache.

Uh, well, oona, uh,

Hey, sit down. Relax. Here.

Thank you.

Aah!

Aunt oona!

Let me help you.

Whoa! Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Did we do that? Did we do that?

Hey, ma, if you need me, I'll be outside

Helping waldo fix His snowmobile.

What's wrong with it?

Two things--

The accelerator Keeps sticking,

And waldo's hair Is caught in the treads.

Harriette! Psst, psst.

Steve?

Shh!

What's wrong?

I'm hiding From my aunt oona.

Why?

She's driving me insane!

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Well, what's the problem?

She follows me around, Constantly apologizing

For following me around.

It can't be that bad.

It is. If she doesn't Give me breathing room,

I'm going to scream.

Hi, steve.

Aah!

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing! Oh, nothing!

Nothing, nothing.

Harriette wants To talk to you.

Goodbye.

Um, ahem...

I'm oona from altoona.

Yeah, I remember. Sit on down.

Let's chat A little bit here.

Okay

Oh. You chat first.

Okay, uh...

Let's see, uh...

There a man In your life?

Ha ha ha ha.

Well...

Come on. Dish it.

Tell me something That's going on.

Well, there's this guy-- Barney murkel.

He's the change man At the laundromat.

I like a man with a dime In his pocket.

Just between You and me--

I wouldn't put up a fuss

If he made me Mrs. Oona urkel murkel.

Has a ring to it.

So, how long have You and barney

Been seeing each other?

Almost two years.

Ooh, Sounds serious.

You ever set a date?

For what?

The wedding.

Gracious, no.

We've never Officially met.

You haven't?

Nope.

Unfortunately,

I've never Needed change.

If it were me and I was Interested in barney,

I'd get me some change

Whether I needed it or not.

Oh!

That's so devious.

You're such A strong person.

I wish I had Your confidence.

Well, maybe we could Build you some confidence.

How?

There are lots of ways.

A new dress might Make you feel good.

Would you like me To take you shopping?

Hot diggity dang And a doo-wa-ditty!

I'll take that as a yes.

After we shop, We can get our hair done.

Professionally?

You betcha.

You know what?

A new outfit And a fancy do

Always makes me Want to strut my stuff.

And you got some Great stuff to strut.

So do you. Come on.

I've got some new eye shadow That'll look great on you.

[engine revving]

[eddie] Turn it off! Turn it off!

[waldo] I can't, I can't. I'm trying.

[eddie] Waldo!

[waldo] What?

Carl!

Eddie!

Oh, carl!

[gasping]

Edward.

Yeah?

Can you move, son?

Yeah.

Then I suggest you run.

Waldo.

What's up?

Is this your snowmobile?

Yep.

What do I owe you For parking?

Come here, waldo!

Man, I hate Being grounded.

Cheese ball.

How long you grounded for?

Grape.

Until he pays For all the damage.

850 bucks! Pecan.

I got to figure out How to come up

With some serious Ducats. Waldo.

What's up?

You got some money You can loan me? Grape.

I'm all tipped over. Pecan.

Tipped over?

You mean tapped out, Cheese ball.

I was calling you A cheese ball!

Oh. Cool.

What about you, steve? Can you float me a loan?

Sorry! I gave waldo All my cash

So he could fix His snowmobile.

Listen. I have an idea.

What?

Waldo geraldo faldo Actually has an idea?

That's right. I'm not an idiot.

Cheese ball.

Oh.

That's me.

Okay, waldo, What's your idea?

Karaoke contest.

Oh. At the sundowner Restaurant.

Oh, and first prize Is $1,000.

Eddie enters the contest,

He wins, Pays for the damages,

And there's money Leftover for snacks.

What do you think?

You've got a good shot With your pipes.

Waldo, I can honestly say

Your idea Isn't completely terrible.

Okay, go ahead And say it.

I just did.

Wow. That was fast.

I think waldo deserves A reward.

I do believe You're right.

Open up, waldo.

Oh, where's eddie?

He's backstage Practicing His sexy smile.

Oh, that's nice.

It would be nicer If he had one.

Harriette, wait.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

Everything's great.

You might not Believe this,

But up until now,

I've always felt A little bit dowdy.

No.

Yes, yes, But thanks to you,

Now...

I feel pretty.

You are pretty.

I didn't do anything.

Oh, yes, you did.

I mean, you Paid attention to me,

Almost--

Almost like a friend.

Oona,

I am your friend,

And I just want you To realize

That you can be as Beautiful outside

As you are inside.

Oh, thank you so much, Harriette.

Let's go watch the show. Come on.

Ahem.

Oh! Ooh!

Wow.

Look at you two.

You look great.

[drum roll]

[cymbals crash]

Ladies and gentlemen,

It's time for karaoke.

Say hello to your host For the evening,

A real gem, Mr. Mel diamond!

Thank you. What a group.

What a crowd. What a bunch.

Yes, it's great to be here For cheap entertainment!

Kidding. Joking.

Stop. Don't make me Come over there.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you.

What?

Race you to A doughnut.

Ha ha ha ha.

Kidding.

Joking. Stop.

No.

You stop.

Now you sound Like my wife.

Ba-da-bing. Ha ha ha ha.

Okie-dokie...

Karaoke.

It's contest time, folks.

You've heard of Gladys knight and the pips.

Say hello to Eddie winslow and the poops.

* ooh *

* I bet you're Wondering how I knew *

* 'bout your plans To make me blue *

* with some other guy You knew before *

* between the two Of us guys *

* you know I loved you more *

* took me by surprise *

* I must say *

* I must say *

* when I found out Yesterday *

* don't you know that *

* I heard it through The grapevine *

* not much longer Would you be mine *

* baby *

* I heard it through The grapevine *

* and I'm just about To lose my mind *

* honey, honey *

* heard it through The grapevine *

* not much longer Would you be my *

* baby * * baby *

* yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah *

* I heard it through The grapevine *

* not much longer Would you be my baby *

* yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah *

* I heard it through The grapevine *

* ooh ooh, I heard *

* yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah **

* oh, give me a home *

* where the buffalo roam *

* and the deer *

* and the antelope *

* play **

[singing sukiyaki In japanese]

Hey, I think ed is gonna win.

He's the best one yet.

* here's the moral Of the story *

* from the guy who knows *

* I fell in love *

* and my love Still grows *

* ask any fool That she ever knew *

* they'll say keep away From runaround sue *

* say whoa *

* whoa oh oh oh oh ohh *

* whoa oh oh oh oh ohh *

* whoa oh oh oh oh ohh *

* la la la la *

* whoa *

* whoa oh oh ohh *

* whoa oh-oh oh-ohh *

* oh oh ohh *

* ohh * * ohh * * ohh *

* sue * * sue * * sue **

[applause]

Alrighty, The mighty echoes.

The audience has spoken,

And you guys win The $1,000 grand prize.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait? Huh? What's happening?

My aunt oona's Going to sing.

She is?

She is?

I am?

Sure. Come on, Aunt oona.

I've heard you Sing before.

You have A wonderful voice.

Why, maybe you Can win the $1,000.

It doesn't matter, kid. You're too late. Here.

Folks, we have One last Contestant.

Put your hands Together

And give A big welcome To aunt tuna.

Aunt oona.

Like it matters.

* ain't I even worth A dime a dance? *

* how 'bout Just half a chance *

* tonight *

* please, everybody *

* this is my last chance *

* for romance *

* that's right *

* ohh, I need you *

* by me *

* beside me *

* to guide me *

* whoa, hold me *

* and scold me *

* scold me, daddy *

* I'm so, so *

* so, so, so, so *

* bad *

* come on, everybody *

* so let's dance *

* the last dance, come on *

* let's dance *

* the last dance *

* let's dance *

* the last dance *

* tonight *

Come on, everybody!

Come on, let's have A good time tonight, okay?

* oo-ooh *

* oo-ooh *

* oo-ooh *

* oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh *

* whoa-oa, I need you *

* by me *

* beside me *

* to guide me *

* to hold me *

* and scold me *

* I'm so, so *

* so, so bad *

* so come on, baby *

* do the last dance *

* come on, baby *

* one last dance *

* come on, baby *

* last dance *

* tonight *

* aah *

* ooh **

Calm down, calm down.

Easy, easy.

Alright. Alright. There's no doubt about it.

Aunt oona from altoona

Is our okie-dokie Karaoke champion.

Aah!

Oona, I didn't know You had it in you.

Isn't that something?

I'm so proud Of her.

Eddie, I only sang To help you,

So I want You to have This check.

Oh, I couldn't.

Oh, but I insist.

Okay.

Thanks, aunt oona.

You're Welcome.

Oh, uh, son,

And speaking Of thanks,

Thank you, son.

[last dance plays]

* ooh *

* your kiss is *

* sweeter than honey *

* oh, and guess what *

* so is my money *

* oh, but all I want you To do for me *

* is give me A little respect *

* when you get home *

* yeah, baby *

* a little respect *

* just a little bit *

* now *

* just a little bit *

* r-e-s-p-e-c-t *

* find out What it means to me *

* r-e-s-p-e-c-t *

* take care, t-c-b *

* sock it to me, Sock it to me *

* a little respect *

* come on and show me *

* a little respect *

* just a little bit *

* all the time **