Original subtitles

Howdy doody, dude!

Steve, what is With the getup?

Don't you remember?

We're supposed To go skydiving.

So slap on your chute And let's boogie.

Wait a minute.

I never promised you That we'd go skydiving.

Oh, sure you did.

Let's see. I've got it right here.

I believe so...Ah!

Here it is. February 3, 1986.

I asked you when you'd Like to go skydiving with me.

And you said to get back To you in eight years.

Well, today's the big day.

Steve--heh heh heh.

I only said that To get you out of the house.

I don't care. A promise is a promise.

Well, steve, I would've promised Anything at that time--

Scuba diving, Bull riding.

Uh-uh-uh.

Let's see here...

If we got that Here, too. Okay.

Ah. Let's see. Scuba diving.

That's september 12, 1996,

And bull riding is August 6, 1999.

10 a.M.-- Be there or be square.

Well I see I'm going to have to Go back to the old

Tried and true way Of getting rid of you.

What's that? Get out!

Aw, come on, big guy.

I popped for a cessna.

Join me in a wild free fall From 10,000 feet.

Steve. Yeah, we'll stare At death in the eye.

We'll laugh in The grim reaper's face.

Ha ha ha. Steve.

And as we plummet Toward the earth like stones--

You're not into this, Are you?

Do you know how long it took My dad to pack his chute?

Look at this. Oh, this is...

Hey. Hey.

Hey, these cords are cut.

[airplane]

Hey, what's That noise?

I think It's a plane.

It sounds like it's Right over the house.

It is.

It's right overhead.

Whoa! Some fool Just jumped out.

No, he wouldn't.

Yo. Look at the size Of that guy's feet.

It's steve! It's steve!

His chute opened.

Ohh. Ohh. Ohh.

He must be trying To land in his backyard.

I can't see him anymore.

Me neither. Where'd he go?

[crash]

Aah!

Did I do that?

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Ahh.

Ahh.

Hi-dee-ho, big guy! Ohhh.

What's the haps, paps?

What's wrong, steve?

Why did you use The front door?

Is there something Wrong with my roof?

Okay, okay, Okay., okay, okay.

I guess I had that coming.

I misjudged mr. Wind.

Go home, steve.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I wish to make amends.

I want to repair The fraying ropes

On our suspension bridge Of friendship.

Too late.

The bridge Has collapsed

And is Miles downstream.

Uh-uh-uh!

But we can rebuild,

And here's my offer.

I take you out For a fun-filled Evening o' bowling,

My treat. What do you say?

Well, let's see.

How can I put this Delicately?

No way, jose? Bingo!

Hey--bingo, bowling, Whatever you want.

It may sound Like fudging,

But I'm not budging

Till I've been forgiven

By this begrudgin' Curmudgeon.

So you refuse to leave? Absolutely.

I made a boo-boo and now I have to make a nice-nice.

Uh-oh.

Laura!

Laura!

Laura...

Your friend steve Is here.

Oh, yeah.

Parachute boy.

Uh, steve, I need To speak to laura For a moment.

Go, go, go right ahead.

I'll just take this Opportunity to floss.

So what's up?

Look, you got To help me out.

Steve won't leave unless I go bowling with him.

So I figured My only way out is If you go instead.

Ha ha!

Now, why in the world Would I do that?

Well, if you do,

I'll buy you those Overpriced boots You've always wanted.

And shoulder bag To match?

Oh...I don't know.

Ready, big guy? It's a deal!

Good news!

Steve? Yes, sir?

Laura's going To go bowling With you instead.

Ohh! Really?

Hey...You yanking My suspenders?

No, it's true, But don't make A big deal out of it.

Let's just Get it over with.

Oh! Oh, don't worry, laura.

Tonight you're going To be proud to be with Steven q. Urkel.

Why? Because I'm...

Styling.

Shoes...

Bag...

Ball.

Oh, lord.

Oh! Oh! Wait!

Wait till you see me In my matching bowling kilt.

Whoo-hoo!

* I feel good *

* 'cause I knew That I would, now *

* ow, I feel good *

* 'cause I got rid Of steve, now *

* so good Duh-duh *

* so good Duh-duh *

* ah, he's gone **

Ow!

Mother, how long have you been Watching me act like a fool?

All your life.

Heh heh heh heh heh!

Very funny. But nothing You could say could Ruin my mood today.

See, steve was bugging me To go bowling with him,

And I cleverly pawned Him off on laura.

Wait a minute.

You sent them out On a date?

Well...Sorta.

Uh-oh!

That could backfire On you.

What are you talking about?

There's always A chance romance Could bloom

And they could Fall in love

And get married.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Ha ha ha!

Nobody falls in love Over bowling. Ha ha ha ha ha.

They'll be staring at Each other's booties All night long.

Nah.

Ohh...

Coming up next...

The comedy adventure, Hudson hawk.

And now the conclusion Of that cult classic,

Hudson hawk.

Carl... What?

Wake up What, what?

The kids are coming Over for dinner.

I need you to help me Straighten up.

Coming over?

Why would The kids do that?

The kids live here. No, they don't.

Eddie and laura Haven't lived here

Since they went To college.

Wait a minute.

Why is Your hair gray?

How long have I Been asleep?

15 years. What!

What--what year is this? 2009.

[gasp]

Harriette, how could you Let me sleep for 15 years?

Well, you looked So peaceful,

I didn't want To disturb you.

[gasp]

You probably Want to go to the bathroom.

Oh!

But, uh, hurry back.

I need you to help straighten Up for laura and her husband.

Husband?

[both sound like steve] Hi, mom. Hi, dad.

Oh, no.

Hurry up, kids.

Kids?

Hi-dee-ho! Hi-dee-ho!

[laughing and snorting Like steve]

[gasp gasp]

[gasp]

Uhh...

Big urkels.

Little urkels.

Urkels everywhere.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Grandpa!

Oh, grandpa!

Oh!

Calm down, kids. Calm down.

Oh, they're just Excited to see

Their grandpa back From nappy land.

Oh, I missed you, Daddy.

You did?

Well, why didn't You wake me up?

E-excuse me.

Harriette...

Aah!

Harriette. Laura married steve urkel?

That's right.

But--but why?

She barely Tolerated him.

That was before You sent them Bowling together.

They fell in love That night.

You mean... All of this is my fault?

Oh, It's nobody's fault.

Everybody's Very happy.

I'm not!

Grandpa's grumpy!

Yes, indeedy!

Grumpy-wumpy!

He should Eat more fiber!

Oh, laura. I'm so sorry.

I'm so very sorry.

Well, why daddy? I'm the happiest woman In the world.

You are? That's right.

I married the smartest...

Oh! Oh!

Sweetest.

Ooh! Ooh!

Sexiest.

Oh! Oh!

Man in the whole world.

Okay, line up, kids.

It's time to Introduce yourselves To big bumpa.

Okay, come on, Come on.

I'm... Steven aloysius urkel.

I'm steven bertram urkel.

I'm steven cornelius urkel.

I'm stephanie sue urkel.

Stephanie?

Oh, she's adopted. No kidding.

Listen, are you Kids hungry?

[in unison] Yeah! Got any cheese?

Oh! Oh!

Oh, god!

I've got just three Words for you--

Hickory farms sampler. Come on!

Yay! Cheese!

Hey, let me get some.

Aah! Hey!

[growling]

Come on.

Laura, tell me...

How did All of this happen?

I remember it Like it was yesterday.

You bribed me into Going bowling with steven

At first I was miserable,

But then, when steve Got up to bowl,

I noticed his...

Bootie.

Oh...

By the end of the game,

This incredibly warm Feeling came over me.

I knocked my hot cocoa In her lap.

Yep, I fell for steve.

The next day We got engaged,

And the day after that We got married!

Oh, I love This story.

And I owe it all To you, daddy.

Oh!

Oh... Oh, my little girl,

I'm so sorry.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

I'm so very sorry!

Why do you keep saying that?

Your daughter and I Are deliriously happy.

Oh, I love you, laura.

I love you more.

I love you 100 times more.

I love you A million times more.

I love you infinity.

I love you infinity Plus kisses.

I love you infinity Plus kisses And oh, oh, a fruitcake.

Oh, alright!

You love each other. Now knock it off!

Look, I'm sorry.

I always get A little cranky

When I oversleep A decade.

Uh, I guess I'm Maybe, sort of glad

That you two... Fell in love

And had four Terrific kids.

Well, we didn't Plan on having that many,

But it seems like all steve Has to do is kisses me

And I'm pregnant.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh! See?

But--th--uh--

Uh--uh--uh--

That's--that's Impossible!

No. She's a fertile urkel.

Get ready, everybody!

The kids have a surprise For their big bumpa.

Aah!

Oh, no!

L-laura, you, too? Oh, yeah, daddy.

There's nothing like A polka on a squeezebox.

Ooh!

Ooh...

Uhh.

Aah! Aah!

Oh!

Aah! Harriette!

Uh-1 and uh-2 and uh...

[playing polka]

No!

No!

No!

Oh, no!

Oh, please, no!

No!

No!

Oh, no!

No!

No!

Oh! Oh, please!

No!

No!

No!

[polka stops]

Oh...

Huh? No!

No!

No!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

No!

Oh...

No!

No!

Oh, no!

Carl. No.

Carl! Carl! No! No! No! Aah!

Wait, wait. Hey, hey, hey.

Take it easy, Carl.

Harriette...

I just had the worst dream Of my entire life.

Worse than the one Where the doughnut Eats you?

10 times worse than that.

Harriette, I dreamt that Laura married steve urkel

And they had four kids.

Whoa!

I wonder why you Dreamed something Like that.

I'll tell you why.

Just before I fell asleep,

Steve was bugging me To go bowling with him,

But I bribed laura To go instead.

Then mama said, "You better watch out,

Because they might Fall in love And get married,"

But that's ridiculous, Right, harriette?

That could never happen, Right, harriette?

Well...

Actually, It's not impossible.

Laura does likes steve A lot more than she used to.

You know you're right. I better get down there

Before laura looks At steve's bootie.

Ooh! Wait up, snookums!

I have never been so Humiliated in my life.

Oh, sure you have.

Uh, what's Going on here?

First he put on That stupid kilt, Then he made a stupid bet

That he could Bowl a strike with His stupid foot.

Then he got his Stupid toe caught In his stupid ball!

Well, it could happen to anyone.

Oh, don't be stupid.

Daddy...

I want those boots, That shoulder bag,

And a matching hat.

Believe me, I've earned them.

Wait a minute!

You went out with me In exchange for clothing?

Yeah.

Alright!

Time was, you'd only Go out with me for a car.

I'm wearing you down, baby.

I'm wearing you down!

How you doing, Big guy?

Oh, great--now.

Things couldn't Be better.

Steve...

If you got your foot Stuck in that ball,

Why did you put it Back in that bag?

Oh, simple.

I didn't want to Look ridiculous.

Well... Goodnight.

Oh, listen, Before I leave,

Do you mind If I make one last attempt

To get the ball off My first little piggy?

Well, if it'll help you Get out of here any faster,

Be my guest.

Uhh. Ehh.

Gaah--yah!

Did I do that?

Come here.

Uh-uh.

Come here!

Come here!

Hi-dee-ho, winslow!

* ahh ah-ah *

* ahh ahh ah-ah **

Oh, you two guys Put the "Ic" in "Pathetic."

Ooh!

Did I do that?

Did I do that?

[snorts]

Did I do that?

Oops! Did we do that?

Ha ha ha ha!

[snorting] Ha ha ha ha!

[snorting]

Oh, well. How about some cheese?

Got any cheese? Ha ha ha!

[snorting]

Steven, go home, Go home, go home.

I don't have to take this. I'm going home.