Original subtitles

[male on pa] 'attention, shoppers.'

'steve urkel is about To enter the mall.'

'I repeat. Steve urkel Is entering the mall.'

Well, this mall has The strangest hours.

Every time I come it's closed.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

[hip-hop music plays]

Kids...Always Watching music videos.

We still Got it, babe.

Yes, Just in different places.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why are you All dressed up Like that?

The employment agency Called me,

And I've got A job interview.

I hope it's better Than your last job--

Proofreading m&ms.

Me, too, And listen, While I'm gone,

You're going to Have to watch richie.

Oh, harriette, Come on now,

This is my day off.

Why can't eddie Or laura babysit?

They're at the mall.

They're always At the mall.

Why doesn't Everybody here

Just move Into the mall?

Oh, carl, calm down.

I'll call my mother To babysit.

She can't. Why not?

She's at the mall.

Hi, aunt harriette.

Hi, sweetie.

Uncle carl, This is little g.

He's new To the 'hood.

Well, hello, little g.

Yo, sir!

Okay, you win.

He does look Like the father On fresh prince.

Waldo.

What's up?

Thanks for All the help.

No prob-bob.

Listen, I've Been thinking.

When you get New uniforms,

What are you doing With the old ones?

Toss them, I guess.

That's wasteful.

You should give them

To the homeless Cheerleaders.

Hi. How much Are your tickets?

Hi. They're $1.00,

But a book of 10 Is only $9.00.

I'll take a book.

Thanks.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, you.

What?

That's my girlfriend,

And if you smile At her again,

We're going to play

Rip the nose Off pretty boy.

Oh. I'm shaking.

Hey, I don't care What religion you are

Scram!

Waldo, stop being So jealous.

I had a right To be jealous.

That fancy pants Was flirting with you.

He wasn't Flirting with me.

He smiled at me.

Oh, please. Think, max...

When you rearrange The letters in smile,

You get the word "Lies"

With an "M" left over.

Sometimes, he worries me.

Only sometimes?

Hello.

Hi. Hi.

Do you like my dress?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

It's on sale. Just 49.95 at spoo's.

Spoo's? Spoo's?

Yes. That's s-p-ooh...Ooh.

Oh.

Oh.

She wants You, man.

What? She's Too old for me.

So learn From your elders.

Wrangle some tangle.

Hmm. Well, she did Kind of give me

A little look

When she said spoo's.

Yeah, I saw that look.

It melted the elastic In my underpants.

Hello, my little Raffle rouser.

Oh, joy, it's steve.

Well, I'm--

I'm having a little Problem with myra.

Well, what's wrong now?

That nubile wench Is smothering me.

Why, she follows me around

Like a lovesick puppy.

What should I do, laura?

Just do what I do to you--

Ignore her.

Well, obviously That doesn't work.

Just tell her The truth.

You're too young To get so serious,

You need A little space.

Ah, the truth, huh?

Hmm.

That's just crazy Enough to work.

What are we hunting?

Dinosaurs.

Look, there's a big one.

Yeah.

Let's kick that t-rex Before it wakes up.

[snoring]

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, richie!

Richie!

Richie, what have I told you

About these water guns?

Don't shoot them In the house,

And only get Eddie wet.

Right.

Now, why don't you two

Go do something dry.

We're bored, Uncle carl.

We want you To play with us.

What do you want to do?

Rollerblading? No.

Soccer? No.

Shoot hoops? No.

Don't you want To do anything?

Sure. Come up With something.

I bet You just want to

Plop on the couch And watch tv.

Okay, you win.

Ow!

What's the matter?

It's--it's-- It's my back.

Does it hurt?

Well, let's see.

Aah!

Sorry, guys.

Looks like I won't be able

To play with you After all.

That's okay.

Can we get You anything?

Well, maybe a soda.

Okay.

And a sandwich.

Oh, listen, little richie,

Would you hand me That clicker, please?

Okay.

Thanks.

Ooh, ahh!

Ooh, yeah.

Real bad.

Stinging pain. Rea-really...

Heh...I'm good.

Heh heh heh.

Stevie-poo...

Yessy-poo?

We've been Seeing each other For a while now.

Don't you think It's time

You made A commitment to me?

I believe I have.

I let you buff your car

With my old boxer shorts.

Yes, and my head Is still spinning,

But actually I was hoping

That we could Go steady.

Steady?

Yes.

So if you wanted To get me a ring,

Or an I.D. Bracelet,

I'd be willing To pay for it.

Uh, gummy thighs...

Yes?

[giggling]

Well, I really Must be honest--

I really must be Honest with you.

I feel we're Much too young

To get so serious.

What?

Well, I was thinking

That maybe We could sort of See other people

For a while.

[gasps]

Steven--

[gasps]

Steven, I don't understand.

What's wrong with me,

I'm not smart enough?

Oh, no, It's not that--

Oh, you're Brilliant.

I'm not pretty enough?

Oh, no, You're gorgeous.

Haven't you noticed

The way middle-aged Men stare at you?

Then what's wrong?

Well, myra, I--I--

I--I just feel I need a little space.

Oh, I see.

The proverbial Space.

The truth is...

You just don't Love me anymore.

Oh, now, zagnut.

If space is what You want, steven,

Then space is What you get.

Oh, myra, please--

Steven...

Have a Wonderful life,

And always remember

You were loved By myra monkhouse.

Myra, please--

Oh, now, myra.

Myra, please-- Oh, no!

You pig!

Hey, baby.

Hi.

Want to buy A ticket?

We're trying to Get new uniforms.

Sweetheart, I'll tell you what--

I'll buy A whole book,

But I'll buy two If you'll go out With me.

Aha!

Who are you?

I'm her steady, freddy.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

Don't make me get out Of this trash can.

Look, you'd better go.

He's very jealous.

He's also crazy.

Crazy? I'll Show you crazy.

Waldo!

Waldo, no. Wait-- Waldo, waldo!

Hello again, boys.

This dress is also On sale at spoo's.

Did you See that?

What?

She gave you A little extra Lip action

When she said spoo's.

See? Like this-- Spoo's.

I saw it.

Hmm.

You really think She's interested?

She came back, Didn't she?

She's hurting for you.

Make your move, e-man.

Work it, Work it.

Go ahead.

Ahem.

Excuse me, miss, uh...

Garcelle.

Ah, garcelle.

Beautiful name.

I'm edward.

What can I do for you?

Well, I think You are fabulously fly,

And I was wondering Maybe, baby,

If you'd like To have dinner with me.

That's really Sweet, edward,

But I only go out With men my own age.

I never date College kids.

Well, what about High school kids?

Bye.

Hey, how'd it go?

Fantastic.

We hit it off Instantly.

She shot you down?

Yeah.

Too bad, man.

I led you astray.

Must've been me She wanted.

Step aside, eduardo.

Hey, yo, tall thing,

How'd you like To buy me lunch?

Hey, come here!

I'm going to get her.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hi, honey.

How'd the interview go?

Great. For two weeks,

I'm in charge of security

For the mr. Universe Contest.

Well, congratulations.

How's the pay?

Lousy, but I get To frisk everyone.

Why aren't You kids playing?

Uncle carl Hurt his back.

You did? Oh, carl.

Oh, well... Hee hee hee.

Hey--hey, guys...

I got a little Confession to make.

I, uh... I tricked you.

What do You mean?

There's nothing Really wrong With my back, see?

I just said that

So you guys would Stop bugging me.

Carl,

That's dishonest.

No, it isn't.

It's using The old noggin.

Actually, uncle carl,

We tricked you.

What do you mean?

We knew all along

There was nothing Wrong with your back.

You did?

Sure.

Why didn't You say so?

We wanted you In a good mood

When we told you we broke Your bowling trophy.

Richie, that Is dishonest.

No, it isn't.

That's using The old noggin.

Waldo! Waldo!

What's up?

What happened To our bike?

Slight prob-bob.

I was chasing lover boy

When, out of nowhere, Came this bus.

You got hit By a bus?

Not me, Just the bike.

Fortunately, I flew off And landed on a nun.

Laura, would You excuse us?

Gladly.

Don't worry, max. My dad can fix the bike.

But who's Going to fix us?

What do you mean?

I've had it With your jealousy.

You get mad At every guy That comes near me,

And I can't stand it Anymore.

We're through, Waldo.

What?

You heard me. It's over.

No, max.

You got to give me Another chance. Please.

Why do you Act so crazy?

I don't know.

Come on, waldo.

Did you act like this With your other Girlfriends?

The truth is,

I haven't had a whole lot Of girlfriends.

I mean, there's Been girls I liked,

But you're the first one That liked me back.

Oh, waldo.

I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to Lose you either,

But you Have to trust me,

And you Have to believe me

When I tell you I'm Only interested in you.

I'll try, But it's not easy.

Why not?

'cause I honestly Don't know why You like me.

Because You're a kind soul With a good heart.

I am?

Yup.

What else?

You make me laugh.

I do?

Thanks, max,

But I'm still number two

On the all-time "How'd I get so lucky?" List.

Who's number one?

Lyle lovett.

[sighs]

[sighs]

What is it, steve?

It's myra.

I know. I saw her crying.

It made me Feel awful.

Now you see how I feel

When I try To get rid of you.

What do you mean?

Well, you always look So sad and pitiful.

It makes me Feel sorry for you,

And I always End up apologizing.

I just don't know Why I do that.

You love me, Don't you?

Steven.

Myra.

Laura, We need some privacy.

Would you mind returning To your silly raffle?

I'll see you two later,

And if there's a god, Much later.

Myra, are you okay?

No, steven.

Please change your mind About dumping me.

I've tried living Without you,

But it was Simply unbearable.

My god, woman, it's Only been 20 minutes.

But it Seemed like 20 years.

Please, steven!

Please take me back.

Pretty please.

Stop it! You're making A fool of yourself

In the fourth largest Mall in the country.

Sit down, sit down.

Well, I'm sorry,

But I just have no shame Where you're concerned.

Now, listen.

I'm--I'm so sorry I upset you.

I never meant To hurt Your feelings.

You're such a noble man.

Well...

I've been thinking,

Perhaps we could Continue seeing Each other,

But Only occasionally.

I just can't Stand to hurt Your feelings.

You love me, Don't you?

Okay..

New game plan.

It's not that I've been Pursuing you too hard.

It's that I haven't been Pursuing you hard enough.

What?

I want you, Steven q. Urkel,

And I won't rest Until I have you.

Myra, please.

You're a 12-point buck,

And you're staring Down the barrel

Of my 30-aught 6.

Bang.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not.

The woman's wacko, Laura.

She simply won't Take no for an answer.

What do you do

When someone is Just obsessed with you?

Beats me.

Care to discuss it Over dinner?

No.

Lunch?

Uh-uh.

Breakfast, brunch?

No.

Popsicle, pop tart, Pudding pop?

No.

Hi, Aunt harriette.

Hi, sweetie.

Uncle carl, This is little g.

He's new To the 'hood.

Well, hello, Little g.

Okay, you win.

He does look Like the father On fresh prince.

Ladies and gentlemen, James avery.