Original subtitles

[dance music plays]

Hey!

Sorry, but I got Great news for you.

You finally going to Pay me that money you owe me?

Get real.

My friend derek From mighty weenie

Wants to go out With you.

Forget it. I don't Like blind dates.

Well, why not?

That's how I met Steve urkel.

Oh, yeah.

But derek is nothing Like steve.

His pants go all the way Down to his shoes.

And I'm sure he has A great personality, too,

But blind dates Are uncomfortable.

I just don't feel like Going through that.

But, laura-- Stop it, eddie.

You're not gonna convince me To go out with some

Loser friend of yours Who can't get a date

Unless he begs His manager at mighty weenie To set him up with--

Hello there.

Laura, derek.

Derek, laura.

Hi, laura. Hello, derek.

So my brother tells me You'd like to go out with me ?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, derek...

I'm an old-fashioned Girl,

And I hardly Know you at all,

So...If you wish To take me out on a date,

You're going to Have to...

Convince me.

Please? Okay.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Okay here's the skinny.

Since you wore out The numbers on our credit card,

We have accumulated A whopping 3,000 points

That we can exchange For a free gift.

Ooh! Let's let our fingers Do the shopping.

Oh, I like that. Oh.

Wow. Look at this tv--

Surround sound, Picture-in-picture, Remote control?

Let's get it.

Mmm...

Look at that Refrigerator.

Well, yeah. It's--it's--it's nice.

Nice? It's beautiful!

Frost-free, icemaker, 21 cubic feet.

Could hold A lot of pie, carl.

I want the tv, harriette.

The refrigerator, carl.

The tv, harriette.

Alright, Here's the solution.

I get the tv now,

Then when we build up Another 3,000 points,

You get the fridge.

Well why not the other way?

Because I thought Of it first.

The refrigerator, carl.

The tv, harriette.

Fridge!

Tv!

Refrigerator!

I don't know why We're arguing here,

Because I'm the breadwinner In the house,

And it's my paycheck That's earning Most of the points.

Oops.

I can't believe You said that, carl.

No, I can't, either, Sweetheart.

I'm...I'm... I'm really sorry.

You didn't mean it? No. I meant it.

I just shouldn't Have said it.

I can't believe we've Only been going out For a week.

It feels like I've known you forever.

Yeah. It's amazing. We just...Clicked.

There's only one thing I regret.

What's that?

That we haven't Done this more often.

[beep beep]

[beep beep beep]

[beep beep]

Well, knock me over With cheese.

If it isn't laura.

Howdy-do, film buffs.

I wonder what laura Sees in that guy.

Stevie...

What-ie?

Let's forget All about them

And concentrate on us.

Why, myra,

You smell so... [sniffing]

So purdy.

What is that scent?

It's my favorite Fragrance-- Called tigress.

Grrr!

Grrr?

Grrr! Grrr!

Hey, max.

It's not me, laura.

It's just somebody who Looks a lot like me.

Gotcha.

Uh...Waldo. What's up?

This is a drive-in.

I know that...

But my truck's In the shop.

What movie are We seeing, anyway?

It's a double feature--

The age of innocence

And spit them Eyeballs out.

Ooh, it's starting.

Cool.

Get ready, baby.

This is going to Be a hot night.

What?

Hang on to your Suspenders, stevie,

'cause I'm going to turn This car into a sauna.

Hey, what are you doing Down there--whoa!

Myra! My-my-myra!

Myra, please...

Ooh, myra! My-my--ooh! Aah!

Myra, please. Ooh, my--whoo!

Excuse me.

Yeah, what is it?

Do you have any Grey poupon?

No.

Thanks anyway.

Amazing.

If waldo's iq Was two points higher,

His iq would be 2.

Derek, waldo's one Of my best friends.

Oh, mine, too.

I love the guy.

But...Not as much As I love you.

Let's just watch The movie, okay?

[sighs]

Just one little kiss?

Well...Just one?

Mm-hmm, just one.

Well...

Okay.

[beep beep beep beep]

[beep]

What did you think Of that?

Whoa, mama!

Uh, uh, derek, I'm thirsty.

Would you mind Getting me a soda?

Now? Please?

Okay.

[coughing]

Ooh, are you alright?

Myra, I swallowed my gum.

[gags]

I'll get it. Oh, no, no, no!

No...No...No...No.

I--I want to go Get some popcorn.

Do you want anything? No, thanks.

Hurry back, love pop.

O-okay.

Ouch!

Shh! Shh!

I'm sorry, my pet.

I thought The window was up.

Did you want something?

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Well, myra's getting A little too frisky.

She laid a kiss on me That would have killed An ordinary man.

Really? Derek's getting A little pushy, too.

What? I'll kill him! Where is he?

Calm down, steve. I can handle it.

Okay, but if You need help,

Any help at all...

You just call For the urk man, okay?

Okay.

And will you Protect me from myra?

What?

Well, you're Stronger than I am.

Mmm! Goodness gracious!

What is that incredible Mouth-watering aroma?

Pot roast.

Pot roast? My all-time Favorite meal.

[gasps] Holy moly!

Oven-roasted potatoes And a vegetable medley To boot!

You know... I am so lucky.

Lucky, lucky, lucky, Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Lucky.

Not only is my wife Intelligent, beautiful, And charming,

She's also the best cook In the whole wide world.

Mmm-mmm!

Mmm...Mmm!

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!

No need to chew.

Just melts In your mouth.

Harriette, this is The best meal

You have ever made.

Thank you.

Here's your bill.

Bill? Yep!

$15?

Yeah, mr. Breadwinner.

Since you feel our relationship Is based on money,

I guess I'll have to start Charging you for my services.

Oh, but, harriette--

Oh, oh, oh, oh, And, uh,

Here's the bill For your laundry.

28 bucks?

That includes ironing, And, uh...

That's the bill For last night.

$2.00?

Yeah. You want it itemized?

Oh, no, no, no!

You okay, sweetie pie?

No, waldo. I'm cold, And I want to go home.

But it's the middle Of the movie.

If we leave now, We'll look stupid.

It's too late for that.

I want to go now!

Cool.

M-m-myra, myra, We're missing the movie.

Oh, alright! We'll Watch the stupid movie.

Good girl.

Uh...Stop it, derek.

I want to watch The movie.

Why? We can always Rent it later.

I want to watch it now.

[sighs] Fine.

Move that hand.

Steven, come down here.

Nuh-uh.

Why not?

'cause you'll try to Take advantage of me.

Stop it, derek.

Oh, come on. You know you like it.

Uh...Uh, stop it, myra.

Come on, hunky stuff. You know you like it.

I told you, I'd like To watch the movie.

Get real, laura.

Nobody comes To a drive-in To watch the movie.

That's not true, Lots of people Go to the drive-in

Just to watch the movie.

Why, look at that Couple over there.

Steven, they're old.

They've got to be Pushing 30.

Laura...I thought You liked me.

I do. But we've only been Seeing each other for a week!

I know. So how long do you Expect me to wait?

Well, I do like you, myra,

But we've only been Seeing each other For eight months.

What did you call me? A baby.

That's exactly What you're acting like.

You try to force me Into doing something

I don't want to do And then call me names?

I resent that, myra! Take it back, right now!

Well, I'm sorry, But that's what You're acting like.

I am not a mama's boy!

Why, I'll have you know My mother doesn't even like me.

Laura...I really Care about you.

No, you don't Because if you did, You'd understand how I feel.

Maybe I'd care more If you loosened up A little bit.

But, steven, I love you.

Well, if you do...

You truly do...

You'll wait Until I'm ready.

You're right.

I am?

Absolutely.

If you're uncomfortable About this in any way,

Then it'll be ruined For the both of us.

After all, A catch like you Is worth the wait.

Oh, thank you, myra.

Stop it! I mean it! Just relax, baby.

For the last time, No means no!

Ow!

So long, derek. Have a nice life.

I thought you were cool.

I am... And I just proved it.

Laura, are you okay?

Yeah, but I don't seem To have a ride home.

Oh, sure you do. Come on.

You can watch the rest Of the movie with us, And we'll take you home.

You don't mind, myra? Well, actually--

Thanks, babe. Hop in, laura.

There. Isn't this cozy?

Oh, honey, would you, Uh, come down here For a sec?

What is it, carl? A little surprise for you.

Now, carl, don't start No foolishness.

You're going to Love this.

Be careful now. Watch your step.

Here we go. Alright. Ready?

Ta-da!

* ta-da-da-da-da, Da-da-da-da, Da-da-da-da da **

[singing a fanfare]

Nice fridge.

Oh, come on, harriette!

Now, this is The refrigerator you wanted.

Why aren't you happy?

You don't get it, Do you, carl?

No, I don't.

This is not about A refrigerator!

My problem is Your attitude!

Oh...

Are you going to tell me That I can't even buy My way out of this?

Carl, you know exactly Why I'm so upset.

Let me know when You want to talk.

Alright, wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Sweetheart, You are right.

Our marriage is not About who earns The most money.

We're supposed to be Equal partners.

Now, I was way Out of line, and I'm sorry.

Would you accept a plea Of temporary chauvinism?

Okay.

Hey, you...

Come over here Out of the doghouse.

[panting]

Woof woof woof Woof woof woof!

Boy! I love that Erik estrada.