Original subtitles

Oh, eddo!

I bear boss tidings.

I'll just fill you in

While you finish That bite.

The department of Parks and recreation

Of our fine windy city Is sponsoring

A two-on-two Basketball tournament.

What do you say About that?

Get out.

Oh, give me that.

This tournament Could be a lot of fun.

You're A terrific player,

And I'm getting better All the time.

Here. Watch.

What do you get If you win?

Season tickets To the chicago bulls.

Really? I'm in.

Great! And we have A good chance, too.

See, we buds have a bond.

Our close Personal relationship

Allows us To communicate silently

Without words.

Although sometimes Words are important.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

You know what?

I think we need A brighter light In the bathroom.

I spent half an hour

Trying to get My stick deodorant to work

Before I realized It was a candle.

Laura, what's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Just my whole life Is over. That's all.

Again?

[chuckles]

Come on, what happened?

Well, you see, I got invited

To this really Great party.

All the cool guys Are going to be there.

But it doesn't start Till 10:00.

Mom wants me to be home By midnight.

I once had this problem,

So I set all the clocks back A couple of hours,

But don't you do that.

Daddy, isn't there Something you could do To fix this?

Okay.

I suppose your mother Didn't realize

How important This party is to you,

So go ahead and stay out An extra hour.

Really?

I'll explain it To your mother.

Thanks, daddy. You're the best.

I'm too tired to argue.

Ooh, I got to look Through my closet

And pick something Wild and trashy.

What?

Something warm And sensible.

Man, we've been here Forever.

Yeah.

Too bad the sign-up table Wasn't at this end.

We'd be first in line.

Hey, what's up, b?

Hey, alright.

This is a long line.

Unless they move the table,

In which case, You just butted in.

I'm going to go procure An application form

And a sharp Number 2 pencil.

So what's new, guys?

My underpants.

Hey, man, That's kenny jackson, The spider!

Yo, man, Kenny's a legend.

Nobody beats the spider.

If he enters, We might as well Go home.

Good. 'cause in ten minutes Mr. Ed comes on in spanish.

Hola! Wilbur.

Hey, eddie, What's goin' on?

I'm just kickin' it.

I was teaming up With jimmy miley,

But he pulled His hamstring.

I pulled a hamstring once,

But all the slices Fell off the bone.

And you must be waldo.

Cool.

Eddie, you want To be my partner?

What?

Me play with you?

The spider himself?

Yo, dog, I'm on it.

Sign us up, And I'll see you Saturday.

Want to put in A little practice time?

What for?

Ha-ha!

Yo, man, This is great.

Hey, eddie, I'm no rocket scientist,

But wasn't steve Your partner?

Oops.

Oops?

What oops?

Uh, well, You see, steve,

I ran into Kenny jackson.

The spider?

Hmm. He's mighty good,

But don't you worry, Partner.

We'll whip him And his little dog, too.

Heh heh heh heh!

[snorts]

Well, you see, steve, That's just it.

He needed a partner,

And so I said, uh...

Well, you said...

Well, I...

I said yes.

Oh...Well... What about me?

Well, if it makes you Feel any better,

I didn't do it on purpose.

I just completely Forgot about you.

Oh, that's quite A pick-me-up.

I'm sorry, steve,

But you don't Understand.

The spider Is fantastic.

I'd kill To play with him.

Well, you did, eddo.

You killed our friendship.

Hi.

Oh, it's you.

Well, nice To see you, too.

I'm sorry, carl.

It's almost an hour Past laura's curfew,

And I'm worried Sick about her.

Oh, oh, oh, honey. Relax.

Relax? Why?

Well, I forgot To tell you, babe,

But I told laura

She could stay out A little longer tonight.

You what?

I was going to tell you This morning,

But you were In the shower.

You countermanded me?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, I merely Adjusted your decision.

When one of us Makes a decision,

The other's supposed To back it up.

Well, honey, that's true In most cases,

But sometimes one of us Makes a wrong decision,

And I have to fix it.

And just who determines That it's a wrong decision?

That would be the one With the best overview,

The patriarch,

The husband,

The big kahuna.

Carl, you're this close

To pullin' my size 9s

Out of your big kahuna.

I tell the girl She can't go nowhere.

He tells her, "Go ahead on..."

Estelle, my belle.

Hi, steve, Thanks for coming over.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

After all, it's so seldom I actually get invited.

Steve, I understand That you and eddie Had a falling-out.

Affirmative.

We were going To be partners

In a b-ball Tournament,

But he dumped me.

Oh, I'm sorry about that,

But I just might have The right partner for you.

Really? Who is it? Do I know him?

It's not a him. It's a her.

A girl?

Uh, estelle,

I consider myself A feminist and all,

But...A girl?

She's a pretty good player.

How do you know her?

I met her at The senior citizens center.

Uh, well, just how old Might she be?

Steve, a woman over 50

Never reveals her age.

Over 50!

You're suggesting That I partner up

With an elderly woman?

That's right.

Estelle, have you been Spiking your prune juice?

[banging on door]

Oh, that must be her.

You'll do great With grandmama.

Grandmama?

Oh, estelle, see,

Other players Have names like

Cyclops, the spider,

And gorilla jam,

And I get grandmama?

Oh, this'll never work.

I baked a cake.

Oh, this'll work. Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, steve.

Hi, eddo.

So what's goin' on?

I'm here to play.

Oh, so you got A partner.

Well, That's great.

So what loser Teamed up with you?

Don't go dissin' My partner.

She deserves to be Treated like a lady.

Lady? Lady?

I should've worn My sports bra.

Grandmama, the guys.

Guys, Your worst nightmare.

Hey, you.

Yeah?

You're cute.

I'm married.

[whistle blows]

Okay, everybody...

The third annual--

The third annual Two-on-two tournament

Is about to start.

First two teams On the court.

Let's go!

[whistle blows]

[cheering]

* oh, you better Work it, boy! *

* hey, yeah... *

* yeah, yeah... *

* ride the rim And drop it in, now *

* hey, it ain't No thing, yeah *

* are you ready For the real thing? *

* are you right on time? *

* are you ready For the real thing? *

* I just want to fly *

* aim high *

* ooh, ooh *

* I can stop Your every move *

* take your message To the 'hood, yeah *

* my brother's slammin', And it's understood... *

That was incredible.

Darn.

What's the matter, Grandmama?

My girdle's Giving me a wedgie.

You got to...

* let's do it! *

* yeah *

* call me when you Learn to fly **

Waldo.

What's up?

You said you'd been Practicing.

I have,

But I forgot to tell you.

It was a harmonica.

Excuse me. Can I see That for a second?

Sure.

Laura, would you please Tell your mother

That we are out Of baloney?

Please tell your father

That as long as He lives in this house,

We'll never be Out of baloney.

Alright, that's it.

I want my anniversary Gift back.

Too late. I already exchanged it.

It was a cheap gift Anyway.

Let me tell you about That anniversary gift You gave me--

Stop it!

Stop it, stop it!

I hate it when You guys fight.

Laura, Take it easy.

When mom told me I couldn't stay out An extra hour,

I should've just Left it alone.

Yes, You should have.

I conned dad Into giving me What I wanted.

You didn't Exactly con me.

Trust me. I conned you.

What I did was wrong, And I have to be punished.

I'm grounding myself For a week.

But, laura--

Don't argue, Or I'll make it Two weeks.

I know it seems harsh,

But it's the only way

I'll ever learn my lesson.

Is it my imagination,

Or is she raising herself?

* uh-huh *

* go! Go! Go! *

* go! *

* kick it, kick it *

* kick it, kick it *

* well, you know, My friend *

* takin' care of number one And struttin' your stuff *

* well, you know, My friend *

* I'll tell you, It's dog-eat-dog *

* when friends Ain't enough *

* come on, brother *

* let's put one down *

* you've been throwin' Some bad stuff round *

* fixin' and dissin' *

* so come on, brother *

Sure 'nuff gonna Mess with you... *

Listen up, everybody!

Time for The championship game!

We got Winslow and jackson

Versus urkel...

And this tall Drink of water.

The first team To get 11 baskets wins.

Alright, let's go!

* well, you know, My friend *

* uh-huh *

* takin' care of number one And struttin' your stuff *

* well, you know, My friend *

* I tell you It's gotta be tough *

* when friends Ain't enough *

* doin' my dealin' Out on the court *

* don't try to stop me *

* baby, you'll just Get hurt *

* 'cause you ain't seen *

* what I can do *

* I can't help it *

* sure 'nuff Gonna mess with you *

* well, you know, My friend *

* takin' care of number one And struttin' your stuff *

* well, you know, My friend *

* I'll tell you, It's dog-eat-dog *

* when friends Ain't enough *

* hey **

Grandmama, Are you alright?

I twisted my knee.

Tough break.

We win.

Steve and this jerk Should play

For the final point.

What about me? I'm not hurt.

You could be.

Well, in that case,

I'll just be watching You over here.

[whistle]

Alright, Last point.

Urkel against winslow

For the championship!

You tryin' To build a house With all those bricks?

Just play.

You mean like this?

Ooh ooh ooh! Ooh ooh ooh!

Ooh ooh ooh! Ooh ooh ooh!

Yay! Yay!

Ooh ooh ooh! Ooh ooh ooh!

Ooh ooh ooh! Ooh ooh ooh!

Edward.

Hey, steve.

You wanted to see me?

Uh, yeah. You hungry, thirsty?

Can I get you anything?

My goodness.

Courtesy.

Well, I better Be careful.

I wouldn't want To mistake that For friendship.

I guess I had That one coming.

Steve, I'm really sorry I dumped you.

Why'd you do it, eddo?

Well, I got greedy.

I wanted those Bulls tickets so bad.

I thought I had A better chance Of getting them

If kenny was my partner.

I see.

But I ended up A three-time loser.

I lost the tournament, Banged up my knee,

And even worse, I lost a good friend.

You considered me A friend?

Well, it's not something We have to broadcast...

But, yeah.

Steve, Will you forgive me?

Tell you what.

We'll discuss it On the way.

On the way To where?

To the bulls game.

Grandmama just isn't a fan Of the chicago bulls.

For some crazy reason,

She's nuts about The charlotte hornets.

She said I could give her ticket

To anyone I want to,

And I decided to give it To my best friend,

Eddie winslow.

Thanks, steve!

Oh, you're welcome.

Aw.

[doorbell rings]

Hi.

Hello, grandmama, What's up?

I spent the whole Afternoon with estelle.

She's got A complete makeover,

And let me tell you, She's a knockout.

What do you think?