Original subtitles

Stop that.

They're not for you. They're for laura.

Laura, would you hand me That magazine, please?

Here you go.

Waa!

There was a bug On your head.

[doorbell rings]

Trick or treat.

Uh, waldo... 'sup?

Halloween isn't For two more days.

No problem. I--I'll wait.

This is my life--

A pig and a pest.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Okay, that'll be $4.64.

Please pull forward to The drive-through window And have your money ready,

And, as always, exact change Would be appreciated.

Okay...

Here you go.

Thank you, sir.

No, no, no.

Thank you.

Aah.

Very funny, bozo.

Who was that, Steve?

Aw, some clown.

Welcome to mighty weenie. What's your weenie wish?

'sup?

Waldo, is that you?

Yeah. 'sup?

What, you want to Order something?

Cool.

Alright.

Care to tell me What it is?

Cool.

A mighty weenie And a banana shake.

Okay...

That'll be $2.63 at The drive-through window.

Please pull forward And have your money ready,

And, as always, exact change Would be appreciated.

Uh, waldo...

This is The drive-through.

I know.

So, if you Don't have a car,

Why didn't you Come inside?

I like talking To the big bun.

Oh, get in here.

I meant Through the door.

Sorry.

Well, just give me The money and go eat.

Go eat. Go eat. Give me the money.

[coins dropping]

Hey, waldo.

'sup?

Why aren't you at work?

I got fired. What?

I thought you said Things were going great At the tattoo parlor.

They were, but...

Well, did you know There's only one "O" In mom?

I need a job, man.

My family counts On my paycheck.

We have nine faldos At the dinner table

And three more Eating over the sink.

I'll tell you what, Waldo...

I'm gonna give you a job Here at mighty weenie.

Really?

Hey, I hired steve urkel.

The least I can do Is hire my best friend.

Aw.

Aw, gee.

Are you okay, waldo?

Yeah. It's just that I'm deeply touched,

And I thank you so much.

That's okay I'm just glad I could help out.

When do I start?

Tomorrow at noon.

Aw.

Aw, gee.

You're touched again?

Naw. I hate getting up That early.

Hi, honey.

Hey, ma.

Want to hang out?

Hang out?

Yeah. Isn't that The new lingo? Hang out?

Sure.

Uh, but maxine and k.C. Should be here any second.

We're gonna go Over some new cheers.

Oh.

Okay.

Want to Rap about hunks Till they get here?

Uh...

[knock on door]

Oh, love to, But they're here.

Hey. Hey.

Your hair looks cute.

Hi, mrs. Winslow.

Hi, max, k.C.

What's shakin'?

Oh, Not much here.

What's shakin' With you?

Oh, just my bootie In the breeze.

Ma.

Whoa, honey, It was just a joke.

Wait. Before We get started,

You guys have To see a picture

Of my sister's baby.

Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh.

What a cutie.

She's darling.

You know, laura Was a beautiful Baby, too.

Really?

What happened?

Everywhere we went, People would stop and tell me

What a beautiful Baby I have...

Well, now, sit, sit, Sit, sit, sit, sit.

She was so cute.

She had The fattest cheeks I'd ever seen.

We used to call her Chipmunk face.

You should have Seen her.

Ma. Nobody wants to know what I Looked like as a baby.

I do.

Yeah, me too. Dish it, girl.

Now laura was The perfect baby girl

Except we simply could Not potty train her.

Tell us more.

She wouldn't put Down her pacifier

Until she was six.

Aww! Aww!

I'm not amused.

You know, I remember The first time

I took laura to the mall To see santa claus.

She was scared to death.

First, she weewee'd In his lap.

Then she spit up On one of the elves.

Oh, but she was crazy About rudolph, and...

Waldo-- 'sup, sir?

Waldo, you don't Have to salute, okay?

Okay. It's just that I'm So grateful for this job.

You're the best friend A guy could ever have.

Hey, buddies Help each other out.

Did you do That inventory For me?

You betcha, boss.

Uh, just read it To me.

Cool.

Buns--a whole bunch.

Cups--not so many.

Straws--even less.

Napkins--ha. That's a laugh.

Waldo...

Usually when you do An inventory,

You're Supposed to give Specific numbers.

Oh, man. I messed up again.

No, no. Take it easy.

It's Your first day.

You'll learn The ropes.

Thanks, eddie.

You're a boss With a capital b-o.

Here.

What are these? Ious.

Some people didn't have Enough money to pay,

So I insisted they leave Their name and number.

Seymour butts?

Willy maikit?

Dan druff?

Don't worry. They all promised To come back tomorrow.

You okay, eddo?

Nope.

I think I'm going to Have to fire waldo, steve.

But you can't Fire waldo.

He's our friend.

Whoa.

I think we're going To need a new stove.

And a floor To put it on.

I'll miss waldo.

Hey, dad!

Dad, you alright?

I'm coming. Just a few more feet.

[panting]

Whoo.

Great jog.

Dad, you Really should

Do your cool-down Exercises.

Cool-down?

That would be me Going from here

To the sofa.

How you doing, son?

Uncle carl... Huh?

How come you Get tired so easy?

Well, I'm...

I'm weak from eating Far too many salads, Richie.

Yep, time for me

To increase The old pie intake.

Want me to get you A slice now?

Oh, bless you, son.

Sweet kid.

Dad... Huh?

I need advice.

Here's some...

Never go jogging In new underwear.

Um, I'll remember that,

But, actually, I have A problem at work.

Uh-oh. What is it?

I hired waldo.

Waldo faldo?

The guy that thinks Mount rushmore was Carved by lightning?

Well, he Really needed a job,

And I wanted To help him out.

Well, your heart was In the right place.

Thanks, but waldo Is messing up big time.

I think I'm gonna Have to fire him,

But if I do, he'll be Devastated. Any advice?

Joe miller.

Who?

Joe and I were Beat cops together.

I loved the work, But joe just wasn't Cut out for it.

His feet would swell up.

He was impatient With people,

And he Hated doughnuts.

So did he get fired? No.

The lieutenant Transferred him To the undercover unit

As a mugging decoy.

It turned out, Once you put joe

In a dress And high heels,

He couldn't be happier.

I don't think waldo Would look too good

In a mighty weenie skirt.

No, son, that's not What I'm saying.

You see, you are The restaurant Manager.

And part of your Job is to find out

What your employee's Strengths are

And then figure out A way to utilize them.

Yeah.

I'll give that a try. Thanks, dad.

You're welcome. Hey.

Hu-hoo.

[rap music plays]

Go, girl!

Strut your stuff!

Ma, you'll hurt Yourself.

Boy, these new dances Are great,

But have you ever tried The mashed potato?

The mashed potato!

The great dance From the sixties.

The 1960s?

Watch it. I may be old, But I'm quick.

Okay.

[music plays]

Now you're Getting it, girl. That's it.

Come on, laura. Give it a try.

No way.

Oh, oh, oh! And then There was the pony.

Ma...

Ma.

Ma. Ma!

Huh?

Uh, we have important Stuff to discuss.

We do?

Oh, uh, Okay, honey.

You all Just have fun.

Oh, wait, Wait, wait!

Let me show you One more dance.

It's called The funky chicken.

Hey.

No!

We don't want to see The funky chicken

Or any other Stupid dance.

Um, I just remembered.

I promised my mom I'd cook dinner tonight.

Yeah, and, and...

And I promised I'd eat it!

Laura, what Was that all about?

Ma, I was planning on Asking you the same thing.

What do you mean?

Look, ma...

The next time My friends come over,

I would appreciate it

If you would just Leave us alone.

Hi, steve. Hey, steve.

Ooh, a jeep Full of honeys.

Here you go, Sweetie pie.

Thanks, wally pop.

As long as I'm the chef here,

Your food goes On my tab.

Oh, that's so sweet.

K.C., yours Is 4 bucks.

Gotta go, babe.

Steve, tell me the truth. How's waldo doing?

Max, he's a smash.

Ever since eddo Made him the cook,

Business Has been booming!

Waldo, the sauerkraut Tastes great! What did you do to it?

Put some honey in it. Now, it's sweet And sour kraut.

Well, What about the buns?

I steam them, Then toast them. Makes 'em fluffy.

Why do the weenies Taste better?

Ah, ah, ah.

Chef waldo faldo Does not reveal aldo.

Well, keep it up. It's great to see people Actually finish their food.

Eddie.

Yeah?

What was that for?

For not firing me.

I was messing up Real bad,

But you stood by me and found Me a job that I'm real good at.

You're the best friend A guy could ever have,

And I love you, buddy.

Well, you've always been A great friend to me.

The least I could do Is be one back.

Hey, eddie.

Think you can you raise my Salary 10 cents an hour?

No. Why not?

'cause then you'd be Making as much as me.

Hey, ma.

Hi, laura.

Where you been?

Mmm, just driving around, Thinking.

Oh, dad called. He's said he's bringing home Some barbecued ribs for dinner.

Let's just hope There's some left When he gets here.

Ma, can we talk?

Yeah.

That's something We need to do.

Ma, I am so sorry I flipped out.

I don't know What got into me.

I do.

I was embarrassing you In front of your friends, Wasn't I?

No.

A little, yeah.

Went over the line With the funky chicken, Right?

No, it was A great dance.

It's just...

My friends came Over to see me, And you sort of...

Honed in.

I bet maxine and k.C. Think I'm a fool.

No, they think You're cool.

They do?

Yeah. They wish their moms Were more like you.

Then why Did I get so upset?

Because you're at a stage Where not being embarrassed

Is the most important Thing in your life.

Really? Yep.

It ranks just above Food and shelter.

I went through it, too.

Did your mom Embarrass you?

Ooh, constantly.

My sweet-16 birthday party Was at a roller skating rink.

My mother Did something there

That upset me for years.

Really? What did she do?

She had fun.

She rented A pair of skates

And went out On the floor

And skated With my boyfriend.

They went backwards

And even did some of those Little twirly things.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah.

Everybody thought so Except me.

I was horrified.

Well, I can relate To that.

Honey,

I told all those Baby stories about you

Because I'm proud of you,

And I showed you Those dances because...

I enjoy being with you.

I know, ma.

And I appreciate That.

Friends.

Best friends.

Hey, ma.

Show me that Funky chicken again.

Sure. Put on the box.

[music plays]

First, flap your arms Like this.

Then your knees.

Now you got it!

Hey, dad, Come and join us.

No, I don't think--okay.