Original subtitles

Hi, carl.

Hi, steve.

Whatcha doing?

Just putting stuff Up for storage.

Ah.

[honk]

Aah! Aah! Ooh!

Aah! Aah! Ooh!

Help me! Ooh!

Don't worry, big guy!

Don't worry! I'll catch you!

What am I, nuts?

Ooh! Ooh! Hurry up!

Okay. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Move the ladder over!

Aah!

Ow!

Oh, you--you--oh!

Hurry up!

Ooh! Whoa, whoa!

Ah! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

What?

You nearly killed me.

I did not! I merely startled you.

It's not my fault Your nerves are shot.

What do you want, steve?

Ah, to invite you and The entire winslow clan

Over to my house Next saturday

For one of our famous Urkel hoe-downs. Interested?

Oh, gosh!

No!

Well, are you sure?

Dad will throw A possum on the grill,

And mom will hand out The hillbilly garb,

And we'll all do The crawdad boogie.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey?

Well, thanks for coming by.

I'll toss this right Back up for you.

No, no, no!

That shelf is stuffed To capacity.

It won't hold Any more weight.

Carl, That's a beach ball! A few ounces.

A moment ago, You were hanging From that shelf.

A weight that Boggles the mind.

I don't want an argument, steve. I'm not arguing.

It's just common sense That a beach ball Doesn't compare--

Alright!

Alright.

We'll put the beach ball Up on the shelf,

And then we'll leave. Okay?

Hey, it's su casa.

Okay.

[creaking]

Look what you did.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Look at this mess! Look at this mess!

I built these shelves 15 years ago

With my own two hands.

That could have Been your problem.

Perhaps You should have used Someone else's hands.

Cute. Get out!

Now, carl-- Get out!

Now, look, I realize you're upset--

Get out!

I've had it With you, steve.

You stroll in here. You destroy my garage.

Well, that is it!

I want you out Of my life, And stay out.

But I've broken a lot Of your stuff before And you didn't banish me.

Oh, yes, I have. Dozens of times.

Well, yes, but you Didn't mean it.

Well, I do now.

Now go!

I can't ever come back?

Not until I invite you,

And do you know When that'll be?

When hell freezes over?

When hell freezes over

And the devil gives Free sleigh rides.

Hey, dad. 'sup?

Well, look who's here.

My two favorite weenies.

Hey, mr. Winslow. Hmm?

The light's not Very good here.

You should Plug in that lamp

So you can see What you're doing.

The...Lamp... Is...Broken.

I'm...Trying... To...Fix...It.

Well...If...It's... Unplugged...

How...Will...You...Know... When...It's...Fixed?

Hi-dee-ho?

Can I come in, carl?

No!

Well, I was hoping We could mend our fences And bury the hatchet,

Let bygones be bygones.

No way. Forget it. Fat chance.

Look before you leap, It takes one To know one, and...

We do chicken right. Your turn, eddie.

Uh-oh. Carl, I'm no expert,

But you've got bare wire Touching the metal base

Of that lamp.

You're right, steve. I am?

You're no expert.

Now scram!

Alright, I'll go.

Ta-da!

Good job, dad.

[electric humming]

Ah...Ooh...Hoo...

Dad!

Mr. Winslow! Carl! Carl!

Dad, wake up! Is his heart beating?

I don't think so.

Oh, my god, steve! I don't think He's breathing!

Alright, he's not breathing, And he doesn't have A pulse.

Eddo, call 911!

Waldo, go to carl's Police bag

And get me his First aid kit.

Ooh...I took a cpr class A couple of years ago.

I just hope I remember everything.

Okay. Okay. Now...

Now, I tilted His head back,

And I cleared His air passage,

And now it's time For mouth-to-mouth. Okay.

Okay, now we have to try And make his heart breathe--

I mean heart beat. Oh, oh...

1 and 2 and 3 and 4,

5, 6, 7, 8,

9, 10, 11, 12,

13, 14, 15.

The ambulance Is on its way.

How's he doing?

Check for a pulse.

Nothing, steve! He's still not Breathing!

Carl, please, We're getting worried. Come back to us, okay?

Please, dad!

[coughs]

Oh, big guy! Big guy!

Dad!

Edward? Dad, you're alive!

Hey, eddie, want me To boil some water?

Waldo, That's for babies.

Oh, like making A phone call's so macho.

What happened? Why am I on the floor?

Easy, dad. You got a bad shock From that lamp,

And you stopped Breathing.

I did? Yeah. Steve gave you cpr.

He did?

Steve urkel Saved my life?

I don't know About that.

Yes, you did. Face it, dude.

If you hadn't given him cpr, He would have died.

You're a hero.

Well, gosh, I guess I am.

Yeah.

Oh, no. We're doomed!

He's the only one That knows what to do.

Dad, are you okay? Take it easy.

I'm okay. I'm alright. Don't make a fuss.

I'm alright. I'm okay,

Thanks to the world's Best neighbor-- Steve urkel.

Oh, steve!

Steve, you're So smart, man.

You handled yourself So fast.

Oh, thanks, winslows.

Ooh, such a fuss.

Oh, steve, you deserve Every bit of it.

You saved my son's life!

You are an exceptional Young man.

Aw, you're just saying it 'cause it's true.

Uncle carl, Can I bring you To show and tell?

Why?

None of the kids In my class

Have ever seen An almost-dead guy.

I'll think about it, Richie.

Uh, I have something I'd like to say to steve.

Would you all please Excuse us for a moment?

Sure thing. Come on, everybody.

Come on.

Steve, you're invited For dinner.

I am?

Yes, and I'll fix you Whatever you want.

What are you In the mood for?

Well, let's see. There isn't enough time To pickle an elk.

Steve, how about some of my Good old-fashioned Pot roast?

Well, gee, You sure you want

To tempt death Twice in one day?

Pot roast will be fine.

Ahem.

So, carl, What's on your mind?

Well...Steve...

I yelled at you.

I...Told you to Stay away from me,

And then you saved My life.

I owe you an apology.

I see.

Well, there, I feel better.

Ahem!

Ahem! Ahem!

Ahem.

Ahem.

Tsk tsk tsk tsk.

What?

You said you owe me An apology,

But you haven't actually Given me an apology.

Just thought I'd point that out For the record.

Oh...Okay.

Here goes. Ahem.

Steve?

Yes?

I'm sss...

Sss?

I'm sss...Orr...

Sss...

Orr...

I am sorr-rr...

Sorr-rr...

Rrr... Rrr...

I'm sorree... Sorree...

Eee... Eee...

I'm sorry, steve!

There. Was that so bad?

Yeah, it really was.

Oh.

Steve...

The fact is, I'm...

I'm very, very Grateful to you.

How can I show My appreciation?

You could lift The urkel ban

And allow me to come over Anytime I want.

Wouldn't you rather have money? I have money.

Oh, no, no, no!

Why, I want quality time With my favorite cop pop.

Okay.

Steve...

You can come over here Annnuunneee...

You can come over Here anytime.

Oh, wow!

Ohh, wow!

Oh, wowie wow wow!

Thanks, big guy! Ooh!

Hark! I smell wood products.

[muffled] Steve.

Bee sting you?

What a pleasant Surprise.

Are they keeping You happy, pappy?

Oh, I'll get that.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'll get it.

It was my fault. I was clumsy.

Well, you know, You shouldn't torture Yourself over it.

Accidents can happen.

See? Case in point.

I'll clean it up. No, no.

Let me clean that up. No, no, give it to me.

No, no.

Uh-oh.

Are those pants new?

Not really.

I've had them Almost a week now.

Let me set this down. Watch out.

Wait! Wait! Whoa! Whoa!

But the shirt, That was new.

Uh...Uh, I like it.

I-it used to be A good color on you.

Steve?

Why don't you Just take a seat

While I clean up This little mess?

Good plan, my man. Mm-hmm.

Oh, but not In that chair!

Sticky.

Ewww!

Ewww!

Ooh!

Eddie...

You okay?

I just can't get What happened to dad

Out of my mind, laura.

I know.

I keep thinking About it, too.

We almost lost him.

Yeah.

He really needed me,

And I didn't know What to do.

It's okay, eddie.

Maybe we should both Take a cpr class.

But thank god for steve.

He really came through.

Hi, guys.

What's up, steve?

Oh, your pop wants a pop.

We're varnishing The patio furniture.

Man's work.

S-s-steve?

Yes, my pet?

What you did was...

I mean, The way you...

Thanks for saving My daddy!

Varnish.

Ah...I'll just go Take off these clothes.

Need some help?

I'm not that grateful.

Farewell, O mistress of beauty!

Eh...Steve!

Look, me and the guys

Are going to the p.M. Dawn Concert next week.

You want to Come with us?

This is a trick, right?

We all get in the car, Then you drop me off

At the cemetery In my underpants.

No, man, I'm serious.

Well, eddo...

Since when Are you willing

To be seen In public with me?

Since you saved My father's life.

Look, steve, you're A nerdy, annoying dweeb...

But after what you did, The least I could do

Is put up with you.

Well, gee, I'm all choked up.

Carl, we need to palaver, Pronto.

About what?

Well, I just finished Talking to eddie,

And I realized that It's okay for you To be angry at me.

No, it isn't.

Steve, you--you Saved my life,

And I'm supposed To be grateful.

Well, carl, You're grateful For what I did,

And I'm grateful I was able to do it,

But we have a bond Between us now,

And we have to Honor that bond

By always being honest With each other.

In what way?

Well, when you get Angry with me,

I want you To let it out.

I want you to express Your true feelings, Okay?

Okay. I'll try.

I'll start by expressing One of mine.

When I was Giving you cpr,

I was really scared.

Well, that's only natural.

But I wasn't scared For you.

I was scared for me.

Why?

Because I honestly Can't imagine

My life without you.

Carl, you're The finest man I've ever known.

I love you.

Thank you, steve.

You're the best, Big guy.

You're okay.

Oh, watch out.

Waah!

[hissing]

Did I do that?

Now, carl...

Remember our agreement.

I want you to express Your true feelings.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

If you're angry with me,

Let it out.

Okay.

Here goes.

You...Idiot!

That's it. Open the floodgates.

You...Bumbling... Fumbling...Idiot!

Excellent! Keep it coming.

Get out!

You can do better Than that.

Get out!

Oh, that's a little better.

Get out...Now!

Oh! Welcome back, carl!

Aah!

Laura, remember what You did yesterday?

No.

You hugged me.

I did?

Thou didst, Out of gratitude

For saving Your father's life.

Are you grateful enough To reward me with, say,

A juicy kiss?

Steve...

Didn't you tell My father that

You don't want people Being nice to you Out of gratitude?

Well, yes, but--

You want people To express their True feelings.

But don't misunder--

Oh, in that case, I'm gonna tell you

What I really Think of you.

Oh...I'm a nerdy, Annoying dweeb, right?

Right.

And I'm very lucky To have you as a friend.