Original subtitles

Aah!

Wha--

Laura!

Laura, what's wrong?

I missed the bus To cincinnati!

I overslept.

Aw, that's too bad.

What's for breakfast?

Ow! Ooh!

I was so excited About the cheerleading Competition

That I couldn't sleep.

When I finally did, I overslept!

I'm coming, Laura!

Don't worry, I'll save you!

[rattling]

Eddie, Open the door.

Hang on, my pet!

Steve urkel To the rescue!

Whatahh!

Laura, are you okay?

I'm fine, steve.

Oh, good.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Steve, are you okay?

I'm fine. Let me Clean up that mess.

No, no, I'll get it later.

Laura, why did you scream?

I haven't heard such A cry of horror since...

I showed you that picture Of me in speedos.

Ooh, please! I haven't had My coffee yet.

I don't believe this.

My squad makes Midwest finals For the first time,

And I miss my bus!

Could somebody take me?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Dad?

I have to go On stakeout.

Ooh, ooh, Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Mom?

Honey, I can't miss work Without being docked.

Oh, oh, oh, ooh!

Eddie?

Oh, I'm sorry, sis.

The e-man's babemobile Is in the shop.

[humming camptown races]

Steve?

Yes?

Will you drive me To cincinnati?

My pleasure, baby cakes.

I'll go get dressed,

And you go do something With that hair...

And we'll rendezvous At the isetta.

The isetta?

That's what isetta.

Hee hee hee hee!

[snort]

[backfiring]

[polka music plays]

Steve...

Could you drive A little faster, please?

We're getting dirty looks From old people.

What are you Talking about?

Like, We're flying, mama.

Look how fast those Telephone poles Are whizzing by.

Ooh, I got whiplash.

[turns off radio]

Steve, look...

No more polka music until We get to cincinnati, okay?

Alright, No more polka music.

* well *

* I'm going To cincinnati *

* cincinnati, Here I come *

Stop it, steve.

* they've got some crazy Little women there *

* and I'm a-gonna Get me one *

Fat chance, steve.

* well, I might take A train *

* I might take a plane *

* but any way I go, I'm gonna get there Just the same **

Steve!

If you sing one more note,

I'm going to turn Your upper lip into a hat.

A little cranky, Aren't we?

Might I suggest More fiber in your diet?

I'm going to take a nap.

Would you like To rest that luscious noggin

On a friendly shoulder?

Apparently not.

Ha ha ha.

There we go.

Oh, harriette?

Yes, carl?

Behold.

The window is fixed.

The window that you said

I couldn't repair, Harriette.

Well, you said I couldn't do the job,

But I fixed the window, Harriette.

I fixed the window.

Me, me, me, me.

Now, what do you Have to say to that?

I'm proud of you, carl.

You did a good job.

Well, thank you.

I deserve it.

Call the repairman, carl.

Hi, everybody!

[carl] Hi!

How you doing, Fletcher?

Okay. How are you?

I'm okay.

Mother winslow,

That pin is beautiful! Is it new?

Yes. Fletcher Gave it to me.

Well, what's The occasion?

No occasion.

Just an "I love you" Present.

A what?

Letting her know I care.

Why didn't you Just tell her?

Could have saved A bundle.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ahem.

Somebody else Want to talk?

Fletcher tells me How he feels every day.

He leaves love notes.

He left it in there?

No!

I'm keeping it Close to my heart.

"Thy kiss, dear maid,

"Thy lip has left

"Shall never part From mine

"Till happier hours Restore the gift

Untainted back to thine."

Huh?

That's lord byron, carl.

Oh, oh, I knew that.

I have all his albums.

Cincinnati area weather-- Partly cloudy

With a chance of showers And thundershowers...

Oh, look.

Sleepyhead is back From nappy land.

How far away are we?

I just saw a sign. "Cincinnati--50 miles."

That means--

Yep.

We'll be there In 2 1/2 hours.

Look, I have a headache, A crick in my neck,

It's a small car, And you're in it. Speed up!

But I'm going The recommended speed For this vehicle--

Any faster Would be risky.

Let's just take that risk.

Let's just get there!

Aah, aah!

Land sakes, woman! Have you taken leave Of your senses?

How fast are we going?

Gee whiz!

Oh! I don't know!

The speedometer Only goes to 30.

Oh, laura, please!

My car, my car.

[backfiring]

[ignition rattles]

[ignition rattles]

[ignition rattles]

Did I do that?

Hello?

Hello? Anybody?

[thunder]

Hi, honey, I'm home.

If you don't Change your clothes, You'll get pneumonia.

I didn't bring Any other clothes.

Then you're going To get pneumonia.

Could I borrow something For tonight?

I'll look.

There must be something I can burn afterwards.

Here.

Oh, thanks. I'll be back In a jiffy.

Take your time.

[door slams]

Did you get a hold Of your parents?

No. The phone's dead.

So is the isetta.

What?

Steve, the first round Starts at 10 a.M.

I have to be there.

Don't fret, my pet.

The car will be ready.

Luckily, The gas station mechanic Found spare parts.

Wow! A complimentary Shower cap.

Things are looking up.

Looking up...

First, I oversleep And miss my bus,

Now, I'm in the bates motel

With a dead phone and no tv.

Things are not looking up.

In fact, things couldn't Possibly get any worse.

Ready to hit the sack?

I spoke too soon.

Well, Goodnight, mom.

Sleep well.

I will, honey.

Fletcher's going to give Me a full-body massage.

Ooh, it feels so good.

Believe me, The pleasure is all mine.

I don't want To hear this.

Let's go, pumpkin.

After you, Sweet stuff.

How about A piggyback ride?

No. You're too heavy.

[harriette] Goodnight.

Ha ha ha!

Do you believe those two?

Yeah. I couldn't Stomach another Minute of that.

What do you mean?

All that Lovey-dovey stuff--

It's embarrassing.

I think it's sweet. They're in love and Not afraid to show it.

Show it?

They bludgeon people With it.

[mimicking] After you, pumpkin.

[kiss kiss]

Oh, no, after you, Sweet stuff.

[kiss kiss]

For crying out loud,

Somebody get their butt In the honda!

Oh, carl, stop it.

Instead of making fun Of them,

You could learn from them.

What's that Supposed to mean?

It'd be nice to know How you feel about me.

Oh, come on, harriette.

I tell you I love you... All the time.

Yes, you do,

But only when we're alone.

Well--

I'd appreciate it if you'd Say it in front of people.

Well, if you--but--

Well, I--

What--she--but--I--

One second.

Now, you--harrie--

Well...

Well...

[muttering]

Attention, pinehurst avenue!

Let it be known

That I, carl winslow,

Love my wife harriette

With a passion

That burns deeply Within my soul.

We have been married 19 years,

But my heart Still skips a beat

Every time She enters the room.

You know, I think that Lord byron put it best When he wrote...

Well, about a lot of really Neat stuff about love.

But in conclusion, Let me say

That I love my wife more With each passing day.

She is my heart,

My soul...

And my everything.

Carl winslow's Got to go to bed now.

Urgh...

Oh!

Argh, urgh...

Aah!

Argh!

Urgh...

Aah!

Ahh...

Hahh.

Oh!

Nighty night!

Goodnight, steve.

[metal squeaks]

Aah!

Aah! Whoo...

Laura!

Aah!

This bed is possessed!

You're just going To have to sleep On the floor.

Oh, no can do.

I'm allergic to cheap shag.

10 minutes On this atrocity,

And I'd begin To choke to death.

Well, we wouldn't Want that.

It'll keep me awake.

Very funny.

You've got this big bed.

Why can't we share?

Does shag carpet Also make you crazy?

Forget it, steve.

Then where am I Going to sleep?

I don't know. I'm tired Of thinking about it.

Grab a blanket and Go sleep in the bathtub.

But, laura--

Go!

No!

[thunder]

I will not sleep In the bathtub.

You're going to sleep In the bathtub!

What?

I wasn't the one Who overslept, Miss rip van winslow.

I tried to help you.

I know--

Don't interrupt!

Then I drove you here In my car,

And were you Pleasant company? No!

Steve--

I'm not through!

Then, you broke my car.

It cost me all I've got To fix it

And rent this room At the fleabag inn.

Steve, if you Would just--

Oh, put a cork in it, Missy!

Look, I love you With all my heart.

Just because You don't love me

Doesn't entitle you To treat me like dirt.

I'm a person!

I have feelings-- I demand to be treated With respect.

You're right.

What?

You're absolutely right.

I messed up, But I took it out on you.

You were a friend All the way.

All I did Was complain.

I'm sorry, steve. Forgive me?

Well...

Okay!

Goodnight, steve.

Well, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

I'll sleep In the tub.

Oh, hold it, laura.

This is silly.

Now, let's be adult About this.

We have a double bed And two people.

You sleep under the covers,

I'll sleep on top of them,

And never The twain shall meet.

Alright, It's a deal.

Laura,

Not only do I love you,

But I respect you.

I would never try To make a move on you.

It never even Entered your mind?

Absolutely not.

Why, if I had One single impure thought,

May god strike me dead.

[thunder]

[urkel] Well, maybe one.

Steve, I'm still so excited.

Oh, me, too.

Your team is the Midwest cheerleading Champion.

I couldn't have done it Without you, steve.

Thank you so much.

Oh, no thanks Are necessary.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Shh!

It's morris pulaski and His polish all-stars.

Oh, I got to stop. I got to stop!

[urkel] Sometimes, you just gotta polka.