Original subtitles

He did push the 14th floor by mistake. If we stopped there, he should have

gotten off. Push and off. I don't make the rules.

I can't take it anymore.

I haven't had a decent night's sleep since October.

I've got heartburn, bloating, my back aches, and the veins in my legs look

a map of the interstate.

I've had it with this experience. I've been carrying this kid longer than

Bonanza was on the air.

Gee, Murph, sounds like you're in a much better mood than yesterday.

Murphy, why don't you go back home, put your feet up and relax. We can fax

whatever you need back and forth. What are you saying, Miles? That pregnancy

made me weak? That I can't cut it?

You? Weak? You do the job of ten reporters. I don't think this pregnancy

affected your work in any way. Oh, I have no feelings. I'm a freak. Some sort

cold, unemotional news machine that isn't affected by the miracle of life.

that what you're saying?

And welcome once again to Name That Hormone.

Looker, I know how you must be feeling.

What I meant was I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Imagine it with my

insensitive, underdeveloped, pea -sized male brain.

Morning, everyone.

Murphy, I brought my copy of 10 ,000 Baby Names. I thought we could pick up

right where we left off last night on the phone with the essence.

Corky, I don't think Murph's in the mood for that right now.

Oh, sure she is, Frank.

Short for Francis, meaning Frenchman.

It means from the village by the mansion.

How about that, Murphy?

Selby. Selby Brown.

As long as you're under the S's, Corky, why don't you look up Sherwood? See if

it means lying in a beaten lifeless heap by the stairwell.

Now, Murphy, I know you're a little out of sorts, but soon you'll look back on

this whole wonderful pregnancy and remember all the special times.

Hearing the baby's heartbeat, feeling the baby kick.

The baby shower.

Oh, please, baby shower.

I went to one of those once. The poor pregnant woman was sitting there as big

Jabba the Hutt. And then all the thin, evil women made her wear this stupid hat

made out of youth gift bows.

They forced her to wear garbage on her head. It was cruel and inhuman

punishment. But, Murphy, not all showers are like that.

The right shower can be a wonderful experience for both guests of honor and

partygoers alike. Yeah, right.

The one good thing about this last month of agony is the people have been

sensitive enough not to force me to take part in a circus like that.

Excuse me.

I just remembered I left the top off my whiteout.

What's the matter with her?

Uh, Murph, I'm going to tell you something now.

Something you're not going to like. Oh, no.

She wasn't planning to make me wear garbage on my head, was she?

Who is it?

Hi. I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by.

Jeez, I feel like I walked into a Victoria's Secret.

What a surprise.

Murphy, you've never been to my office before?

come by sooner, but I... Wait a minute.

You've got a window.

How did you get a window?

I don't know. It was just here.

I don't have a window.

You want to come and see it, Murphy?

None of us has a window.

Is there a particular reason you stopped by?

What? Oh.

Yeah, I wanted to talk about the baby shower.

What baby shower?

I don't know why...

It's okay, Corky. Frank told me you've been planning one for months. I

appreciate the thought. I really do. But a baby shower just isn't my style.

It's all right, Murphy.

I understand.

I should have asked you first.

But can I at least show you the shower invitation?

I'm very proud of it. I designed and wrote it myself.

See? Blue, storks, balloons. You do good work.

Could you read it, Murphy?

Out loud.

Please?

Murphy's baby is coming, and isn't it funny?

We're having a shower, come rain or come sunny.

A kind thought...

Good wish, a warm heart to lend.

I'm giving a shower for my very best friend.

Jeez,

Corky. You wouldn't have to do anything, Murphy. You just sit comfortably at

home and enjoy yourself.

You'll get a lot of gifts for the baby, and all you'll have to do is unwrap

them. Whoa, whoa, whoa, time out. I need a clarification.

See, I'm not really an expert on this shower stuff.

Are gifts a guaranteed or an optional part of the event?

Guaranteed. Think of all the time you'll save. You'll never have to set foot in

a store.

That's true.

Well, I never thought of it like that.

But tell me, who's invited to this thing?

Deadbeats or people who might fill my nursery with expensive Scandinavian baby

furniture?

You already know about the surprise shower, Murphy. I want our guests to be

surprise.

That is, if they're our guests.

Are they, Murphy?

Well, I guess so.

Oh, Murphy!

Hi.

Just stopped by to see how my two favorite ladies are doing.

Everything okay?

No hurt feelings?

Guess what, Frank?

Murphy's letting me give her the baby shower.

Is that right, Murph? I get stuff.

This is great. When...

you talking about, Frank?

You're not invited.

It's a traditional baby shower.

No M -E -N allowed.

Are you kidding me? I can't come just because I'm a guy?

That's ridiculous. Murphy's my best friend. I belong there.

Besides, Murph, it means an extra gift. Think about it.

Great. Just what the baby needs.

A football helmet chip and dip set.

I'm not giving those anymore.

I'm sorry, Frank. I don't know anything about this shower stuff. It's Corky's

call. You know, you women do this all the time. You want us to share, then you

don't let us share.

Be sensitive. No, be strong. Nurture us. Leave us alone.

Why don't you call a meeting and decide on the rules? And you can start with

that whole, I want a commitment thing. We don't get that.

Time to get this shower thing on the road.

Now, I've been reviewing a list of things... I'm going to need for the

hope you invite a lot of people.

Okay, I'm here. I'm ready. Somebody give me something.

Murphy, you can't start a shower till the guests arrive.

Eldon, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. No men allowed.

Interesting ritual.

You know, I recently read an article about this tribe in New Guinea.

The women celebrate the coming of a child by paddling a dugout canoe to a

island where they anoint their heads with palm oil and wait for a parrot to

swoop down and tear out a lock of their hair.

If that happens, it's a boy.

If not, it's a girl.

Sometimes they just lose an eye.

Fascinating story, Eldon, but it's time for you to go, go, go.

Oh, and be careful when you come in in the morning. There'll be a lot of very

expensive presents lying around.

Okay, but if the baby gets a copy of Bambi, I really don't think he should

it. Bambi's mother died in the forest fire, you know.

I still can't believe she's gone.

So look, Murphy, you never even noticed.

I wrapped up all the prizes for the games as little... other goose

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Games? No one mentioned anything about any games.

It's Food Gets Talk Out.

Come on, Murphy.

This shower is a way for all of us to share a wonderful experience through fun

and activities.

The only activity I care about right now is the activity box by Play School at

$29 .95.

Yes, now, before I... get that are you sure you don't want to give me a clue as

to who it might be i'm not telling

all right all right i'm pregnant

you know who does this person think she is she can't wait a minute excuse me is

this the murphy brown oh my god it's one of those annoying katie couric look

-alikes

to Washington just to see me. Well, I did have to cancel a rare interview with

the Pope, but I figured the Pope's around for life. What are the chances of

ever having sex again?

Very comical for a woman with such a small gift.

Corky.

Oh, boy. Present number two.

Take it easy on the bell. I'm pregnant, you know.

Hi!

Joan! How great to see you. Can you just wait a second?

Corky, did you invite Joan Monday?

Joan. Make me feel like a national park. I'm not that big.

Well, I mean, I was a blimp three times on the air, so I can say that. Are you

having triplets?

Or maybe a Honda?

You're very lucky you're holding a present right now.

Hi, Joan.

How you doing, Corky? Let me help you with that present.

Look, there's punching goodies in the living room, but you better hurry,

Katie's eating all the shrimp.

thought it would be more fun to drive than fly.

That was before we made the mistake of letting fate get behind the wheel.

Wait a minute, Mary Alice. Are you trying to say that there's something

with the way I drive?

No. I enjoyed getting from New York to Washington in 22 minutes.

Hey, I'm an excellent driver. Tell her, Paula. Oh, please. I felt safer going

200 miles an hour in a bobsled and friends.

I wouldn't rent that house in Barbados with you. Now come on here and behave or

I'll have to separate you.

Everyone,

may I have your attention, please?

Now that you're all here, I just want to say how pleased and touched I am that

you were all able to make it here to share in Murphy's joy.

And I know she feels the same.

Don't you, Murphy?

Let's open the gift.

Now,

be careful. It took my girls a half an hour and three rolls of scotch tape to

that. Oh, that's great.

What is it?

It's a baby commuter. It holds everything you need.

When you take the baby on a flight. I mean, we all fly a lot. It's very

Oh, this is great.

Sort of like a little pet carrier.

Is the baby going here?

She's worse than I thought.

Murphy, the baby doesn't go inside the bag. The clothes and things go inside

bag. The baby goes into the belly of the plane along with the luggage.

Remember to carry big bags of earplugs for all the other passengers.

Alice once cried across three time zones. Started over Pittsburgh, didn't

till Salt Lake City.

And just wait until you have to change a diaper in the airplane bathroom and you

hit an air pocket.

Take it from me. Forget about wearing Donna Cara and just get a hefty bag with

arm holes.

Ah, well, I'm going to fly so much with my baby, I'm sure he'll be perfectly

comfortable. Yep, a natural -born traveler just like his old mom.

Uh -huh.

This one's for Paul and Katie.

Ooh, a combo gift. There's always so much pressure on these to deliver.

Think it will, Paul?

I have no idea what it is. Katie was in charge of getting the gift. Is it nice?

I haven't really seen it. You know, I was so backed up at work, Murphy, I told

my assistant what to get, and she picked it up.

Golf shoes.

Price 10D.

Oh, good choice, Katie. So few people would think of getting a brand -new

shoes with cleats.

believe it.

Bryant Gumbel is at his birthday party right now, unwrapping a breath pump.

Sorry, Murphy. We're not used to messing up like this, as you'll see.

completely take your focus away. Five minutes before I sat down to interview

Boris Yeltsin, I'm trying to explain to my little Haley why it isn't nice to put

peanut butter on the puppy.

Paul is right, though. When you're at work, you're thinking about the kids.

you're with the kids, you're thinking about work. You get to some extent, you

don't know where you are. You start talking baby talk at work. I once asked

Garrett Gutley if he had to make a boom boom.

What about this focus thing?

Isn't it just a question of scheduling? You just have to find the best way to

budget your time.

Uh -huh.

Okay, here we go. Next gift, Murphy.

This one's from Faith.

Oh, look, little blue bunnies. Aren't they cute?

Adorable. I wanted to give you something that would make your life easier.

My first choice was a husband.

They're so hard to wrap.

Ooh, a room monitor.

Oh, this is great.

go, I can monitor the baby while he's sleeping. This is a great invention.

Yes, you can obsess over every single little sound they make. It's great. They

sleep and you stay up and listen.

For your information, the baby never sleeps. Kiss your pillow goodbye, Murph.

fact, I added it up the other day. I think I have slept 17 hours in the past

months.

Okay.

Next gift, Murphy.

Inside the box is something just for you. Something to take care of your own

personal needs.

Oh, well, thank you, Mary Alice. That is so sweet.

Thank you for recognizing that I may still have needs.

During pregnancy, certain things happen to a woman's body.

And as we can all see, they've happened to yours.

Hey, let me tell you something, Mary Alice.

I'm not going to need this. I have one of those bodies that'll bounce right

back.

pay big money for it.

Bye. Bye, everybody.

Corky, thank you so much for everything.

And the shrimp were great.

Murph, it was so good to see you. And I promise I'll send you that breast pump

as soon as I get it back.

That is, if Bryant hasn't used it yet.

Thanks, Murphy.

I had the best time. Really lots of fun.

I know I said that at Katie's shower, but I really mean it this time. I heard

that.

Bye.

All right. Thanks, Corky. Thank you so much. Bye -bye.

Remember, Murphy, any kid problems at all, call me. I can teach you how to

a Batman costume out of an old Emmy dress.

Murphy. It's a conspiracy by NBC to bump me off because we're gaining on them.

Thank you very much. Thanks, Corky. Bye -bye.

So,

Murphy, I'd say it was a wonderful shower.

I had a really great time.

How about you?

I don't know, Corky. I think I'm in trouble.

I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not cut out for this whole

working mother thing.

What are you talking about? Of course you are.

Oh, you heard all those stories about juggling babies and career?

They're like super moms.

I don't belong in that category.

I thought the baby went in the travel bag. There aren't even any air holes.

Murphy, now I want you to listen to me very carefully.

Joan Lunden says she labels her family's meals three months in advance.

Murphy, you are not like anyone else.

You have always done things your own way.

And you'll find your way with this, too.

You know, it's so interesting.

You're about to have a baby.

I'll bet you always thought it would be me first.

I did.

Me, too.

But so much has happened to me in the last four years. I have a job.

No, a career.

And I love it so much.

But... I don't think I could handle both.

So I'm going to be watching you, Murphy, because I know if anybody can do this,

you can.

Oh, Corky, thank you.

Thank you for the whole day and for the cradle.

It's so beautiful.

Well, I better start putting these things in the dishwasher.

You know, maybe I'm panicked over nothing.

Maybe I'm going to be all right at this.

It's probably just a flock of rabid storks waiting to peck me apart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm Irv.

That's what I admire about you, Frank. The horse throws you, you get right back

on.

So... See, the shower's over, huh?

I guess it wasn't much of a party without me.

But this is probably... Probably better, because I wanted to give you this

without a lot of people around.

Oh, Frank, this is so sweet. You shouldn't have done this.

I wanted to do something to celebrate this event in your life. I mean, after

we've been through together, it's important to me.

A deck of playing cards.

Oh, gee, Frank, these will come in very handy if the baby's born while I'm on a

riverboat.

They're for us. This might be the last chance we get to play late -night poker

for quite a while.

Oh, you are the best, best friend anybody could ever have.

But, you know, playing poker with just two people is kind of difficult. So,

guys, come on in!

Make way, commenter!

Come on in, baby!

Murphy, we're here as the official representative of Y -Chromosome.

wonderful gifts today, but very little cash.

This is going to be quite a load.

Okay, listen up. I got potato salad.

I got submarine sandwiches, macaroni salad, cherry cheesecake.

That ought to be enough for you, Murphy.

The rest of us just order pizza.

Well, look who's here.

Man, just couldn't stay away, could you?

They're throwing me a poker shower, Corky. Isn't it perfect? It's the best

all...

this an interesting turn of events? The woman who banned me from her shower now

wants to come to ours.

What do you think of that, my brothers?

I don't know. It seems highly irregular.

We do, however, make an exception for Murphy, who is the cocoon or pod

containing our new crown prince.

Buck a chip.

Oh, is that the best you can do? My back is killing me and I can deliver at any

minute. Make it worth my while to at least stay up and play.

Murphy's right. Whatever you want, name it.

Okay. Each chip is worth a free hour of babysitting time.