Original subtitles

Why, it looks like an invitation.

An invitation to... The White House!

I've been invited to the White House! Really?

What's the occasion?

Barbara Bush is having a luncheon. It's probably picnic style. I hear Nancy

stole all the good china.

It's for all of us who've helped the First Lady with her literacy campaign.

Remember all those weekends I spent reading to children in shopping malls?

This is so exciting. I've never been to the White House before.

Congratulations, Corky. One's first visit is always a thrill.

Mine was during the Eisenhower administration.

A lovely lunch, spoiled only by Vice President Nixon constantly knocking on

door saying, Can I come in?

I've never been to the White House. Have you been, Frank? Sure.

Sure? What is that supposed to mean?

Sure, as in, I can't believe you haven't been yet?

Sure. As in, every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the universe gets to go? Boy, are you

a loser.

Just say what you mean, Frank.

I think you've about covered it.

Come on, Miles. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. All this drooling over

White House. What's the big deal?

It's just a Republican Graceland without Elvis.

Tower of Rape, but I guess that's what happens when you've been banned from it.

And I still say it's totally unfair.

For some reason, whenever the president hears my name, he runs screaming into

the night. Maybe it's because you ran over him with a bicycle three months

Oh, come on. How long are people going to keep dredging that up? It's not like

broke any of his bones.

It says, uh, Quincy Sherwood Forrest and Guest. I guess you're taking Will, huh?

No, he'll be in Los Angeles working on his screenplay on the 17th.

So... I'll have to find somebody else to go with.

Oh, well, you don't want to ask Jim. He's been too many times. Frank's out.

eats off other people's plates. And forget Miles. He doesn't meet the White

House height requirement.

So, I guess that leaves me. Okay, I'll go.

You want me to invite you, Murphy?

But you don't like the White House. You just said so.

All right.

All right, I'll be honest with you.

I'm in trouble.

I'm doing an important story on the recession and the president won't give

quote. How am I supposed to do my job as a journalist if this guy won't give me

any access?

I've got to do something to get back into the good graces of the Bush

administration.

Well, Murphy, I'd like to take you. I really would.

But I'm afraid you'll start hounding the president like you always do.

There'll be a scene.

He'll ask who brought you. And I'll be executed on the White House lawn.

Sorry.

on, Corky, I'll be on my best behavior.

Anyway, it's Barbara's lunch. The president won't even be there.

Corky! Face it, Slugger, you've got as much chance of getting into the White

House as Paul Tsongas.

Care to place a wager on that, Jim? Oh, God, there's money involved.

No one's safe.

Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, there's only one road to the White

and it's right through Sherwood Forest.

You mean it, Murphy?

You were really impressed with my story?

Very impressed.

Where did you ever get the idea to do a story on the reunion of the Titanic

survivors? I saw it on an old rerun of Heart to Heart.

Brilliant.

And, Corky, when you stopped your interview to comfort that sweet little

started shrieking when he saw the ice sculpture, well, those are moments they

don't teach at any journalism school.

Now, Murphy, it's awfully nice of you to offer to help me edit that piece, but I

don't... I don't think you should cancel your exclusive interview with Jackie O

just for me. Just for you?

You're my buddy, my pal.

Did Jackie O crochet me an FYIT cozy?

No, sirree, Bob.

Now, you just sit your little self right down here.

I'll get us a pad, and we'll make some notes right now.

Okay.

Murphy, may I have a word with you, please?

Make it a one -syllable word, Miles. Corky's waiting.

You want a one -syllable word? I've got one.

Shame.

Shame on you.

Do you actually think you're fooling anyone with this nicey -nice routine?

I'm fooling the only person that matters, Corky. Look at her.

Innocent, trusting.

Today we even browsed in a notion store together. I bought her a bobbin.

I can't stand by and watch this happen. You'll do anything to get what you want.

It's like you're Godzilla and Corky's a small Japanese town.

Getting back into the White House means everything to me. I'm the only reporter

in Washington who's frozen out. If that means that I have to butter up Corky for

a few days, it's a small price.

So, uh, Corky.

That old Murphy.

She certainly has been in a good mood lately, don't you think?

I guess pregnancy has finally had a softening effect on Murphy.

Yes.

But I wonder if there isn't another reason why she's being so nice.

Yeah. She's sucking up to me, so I'll take her to the luncheon.

Corky, you knew?

at me.

It was all I could do not to burst out laughing.

Corky, outwitting the master. I loved it. I had no idea you were capable of

something like this.

I am humbled to be in your presence.

If I follow you, will you teach me your ways?

Corky, Corky, when you first came here, you were an innocent, incapable of this

kind of manipulation and deceit. And now, look at you.

I'm so proud.

I've heard about the ice capades, but I'd never been until now.

It's funny, I thought I'd get through life without going. Always said I'd die

first.

Thanks again for inviting me, Murphy.

And for all these things.

I can't decide which I enjoyed more.

The figure skating ballerinas or the Care Bears on parade.

What about you?

Oh, I don't know. I guess the part where the guy in the elf costume hit the

wall.

So you know what? be fun to do now?

Some good old -fashioned girl talk.

The kind my sisters and I used to do back home.

Gee, Corky, it's been a long week. Don't you want to get some sleep so we'll be

fresh for origami class tomorrow?

I want to talk.

I actually have something important to bring up.

You do?

Murphy, journalism isn't an easy business for women.

So I think when one of us has contacts...

We should use them to help each other. Yes, absolutely.

That's why I want you to sponsor me as a member of the Washington Press Club.

Oh, come on. You don't want to do that. It's a terrible club. Poorly lit, badly

ventilated. Sam Donaldson drilled a hole into the ladies' room.

I don't care.

I want to be a member.

I want it more than anything.

All right. All right, all right. I'll see what I can do.

Oh, thank you, Murphy.

This is such a wonderful evening, isn't it?

You know, there's another thing my sisters and I used to do back home when

felt like bonding.

What is it?

We'd braid each other's hair.

Oh, stop.

You know, Murphy, I've always admired your hair.

I bet it would braid up real nice.

I know what. Let's watch TV.

Guess what? I've got the Disney Channel now. They're running a tribute to Kobe.

Yep. I really miss those sisterly braiding sessions.

In fact, I was thinking about wearing my hair in a French braid to the White

House next week.

Okay.

Okay, here's the deal.

We braid. For ten minutes, that's all. We take no pictures. We tell no one. And

even if this house catches fire, we do not leave it in the braided state, okay?

Okay.

You know,

sometimes while we braided, my sisters and I sang Greensleeves.

No.

now the nursery closet.

Is there any place special you might like me to put it? No, Eldon, just leave

it. I'll find a place for it.

Okay.

Want me to stick around and clear out any other rooms?

No, Eldon, you can go now.

Okay.

Some hair is sticking out of the side.

Those are the hairs that are too short.

So what do we do?

Well, we hold them off to the side like this, and at the end, we come back and

tuck them in.

Oh.

You look like an old Heidi.

I'm out of here.

I'm gone. I'm out of here. Something tells me you're about this far away from

hot waxing each other.

Adios. Goodbye.

Yodel -a -lee -hee -hoo.

Corky, I'm going to lay all my cards on the table.

I've only been nice to you this week because I wanted you to invite me to the

luncheon. But I can't take it anymore.

So just tell me what you want me to do because there's only two days left and

you want me to steam clean your drapes or rebuild your transmission, I better

get started.

Well, Murphy, I have a surprise for you.

I sent in my RSVP three days ago with your name on it.

Three days ago?

Before we went to the flower show?

Before we made Rice Krispie bars?

You know, back in Louisiana, I had my sisters and lots of girlfriends, but

here in Washington, it's been hard to find friends like that.

thinking that once you saw how much fun we could have together, it would bring

us closer.

Do you feel closer, Murphy?

Before we rented Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

You don't have to answer that right away. I should be going anyway.

There's just one thing that's stopping me from killing you right now, and

the thought of a mugshot in this hair.

Table 42.

What a lovely centerpiece.

I can't believe it. We're way in the back.

I bet it's because I told them I was bringing you.

Excuse me, sir.

I wonder if you could just check your seating chart. I thought I'd be closer

the front.

No, I have you and Miss Brown back here on table 42.

I don't have to sit with her.

We're not really together.

Couldn't you just squeeze me in at that table up there with...

Charlton Heston and Dana Delaney?

No, I'm sorry. The seating's already arranged.

Would $5 change your mind?

Not really.

Great.

I can barely see Barbara Bush from here.

And on top of that, we're stuck at the kiddie table.

Look at this. Great juice.

Corgi, none of that matters. We're guests at the White House. I'm in. I'm

Hello, I'm Murphy Brown.

Hello, lovely to see you, Murphy Brown, White House guest.

Doesn't that smell good?

It's potato leek, the president's favorite. In fact, I saw him just a few

minutes ago in the kitchen helping himself to a bowl.

President's here?

I just think it's nice that George shows an interest in what Barbara's serving

for lunch. Excuse me, I have to go to the ladies' room.

You do not. I do, too.

I just got a little spot of soup on my skirt. I want to put some water on it

before it sets. Excuse me. Let the dry cleaners get it out, Murphy. I mean it.

Marcus, you are insulting me. Do you actually think I'm going to go running

through the White House halls calling after the president to get a quote for

story after all I've gone through to get here and then show that I can be

trusted?

I'm sorry, Murphy.

I overreacted.

I know you wouldn't do that. Thank you.

Thank you for leaving me my dignity.

Now, excuse me.

Mr. President?

Mr.

President?

Mr. President.

Hi, Millie. How are you?

I'm Murphy Brown.

Millie, you know what? I read your book.

Damn fine effort for a first -time author.

Let me see if I got something in my purse.

Look at this. Milk time. Want to eat? Want to eat?

I'll tell you what. You want to go for a drive? Go for a drive in the car?

Hey, Millie, look out in the hall.

Big old slow one. Go get them, Millie. Go get those Democrats.

Murphy!

Corky! Hi.

Have they served the entree yet? I hope it's chicken.

Do you know I looked for your legs under every stall in the ladies' room?

Thanks to you, Betty Furness thinks I'm weird.

snooping. I am walking around a place that's paid for by our tax dollars, and

it's my right. No, no, no. It's my obligation as a citizen to conduct these

surprise inspections of the premises, so help me God.

You're not buying this, are you?

No.

Corky, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.

I need the quote.

I want to get back in the game.

Murphy?

You are going to go back out there. You are going to sit through that luncheon

without opening your mouth, and then you are going to seek professional help.

Yes, Corky.

Do you think he worked on it? That would be my guess.

Look at this.

26 across.

A three -letter word for loser. He squeezed in Cuomo.

I wonder what's in this drawer.

I can't open that. It's private.

Oh, come on, Corky. We've already walked into a room we're not supposed to be

in. But, hey, you're right.

Let's just go back to that big, impersonal dining room to a table that's

back, Barbara Bush looks like a Q -tip.

Yeah. Let's just do that instead of taking a harmless peek at something

give us an insight into the man and great stories for our grandchildren.

Come on.

Come on, Corky.

I guess one little peek wouldn't hurt.

I wonder what's in that drawer.

Do it, Corky.

Do it. Do it.

Lint. Where's the good stuff? Like a note from Ollie North that says we

him or the box Stan Quayle came in.

This isn't right.

Don't touch anything else in here.

Come on, let's go.

Oh.

Look. A Halloween snapshot of Barbara and the president dressed as Sonny and

Cher.

You can't take that. That's stealing.

I bet the president won't even miss it.

I could just slip it into my pocket, see?

No one would ever even know. What are you doing in here? Don't shoot!

He's not going to shoot.

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown. I don't think I've seen you around here before. I'm sure I

would have remembered.

What's your name?

This area is off limits except to White House personnel.

My, that's a long name. What do they call you for short?

I can explain.

What do you have in your pocket, ma 'am?

My pocket?

Your pocket, ma 'am.

Why would I have anything in my pocket?

Empty your pocket, ma 'am.

anything like this before?

I don't know what came over me. I think there was something in my soup.

I wouldn't say anything else without an attorney present, ma 'am. Come with me.

Oh, God! Way to go, Corky.

I told her not to take that.

Come on, Miles.

Sooner or later, you have to say something. You know, it's not healthy to

it all bottled up inside.

Well, Tim, look who's here. If it isn't Thelma and Louise.

Actually, when White House security called, I was quite surprised that it

this long.

Let's see.

Luncheon was at 1 o 'clock. The call came at 1 .17. I'd say that's a world

record, Murphy.

Congratulations. Oh, uh, Corky, the next time you're at the White House, I can

use a nice area rug.

than she was in the car.

Okay, Miles, this is your last chance to say something. Then I'm going home and

take a nice long bath.

Five seconds.

Four.

Three.

Two. Of course, Murphy.

How rude of me not to have spoken sooner.

I guess I should thank you.

After all, I've always wanted to visit the White House.

Although it might have been nicer without the armed escort.

Still, because of you.

I made a new friend today.

Dave, head of the Secret Service.

Nice guy.

I think he really meant it when he said he hoped there were no mistakes on my

last seven tax returns.

Miles, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Really, I am.

It's clear to me now that when I break the rules, other people have to suffer,

and I don't think that's fair.

Good.

But boy, does it work for me. I was bit... close to getting to the

I'm definitely making progress.

You know, Bush is fairly accessible on the golf course.

I bet I could borrow Jim's clubs. Yeah, I think I'll ask him. Jim!

Jim!

Consider this a tip from a friend.

The next time the president plays golf, keep an eye out for a fat lady in the

foursome behind him.