Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown and... How are you? I'm Rocky Road and it's great to be

here at FYI.

Nice suit, Murphy.

But I think you should have those shoulder pads lanced.

Last time I saw pads like that was on Joe Montana.

And what's the deal with women's hair today, you know? All these sprays and

foams and just... You know, I told my girlfriend, I said, hey, if you use any

more mousse, you're gonna grow antlers.

Antlers.

I must have been Hitler in another life.

Whoa, tough room.

Murphy, Frank, Jim, Corky, come, come, come. What's up?

Very big stuff.

This morning I got a call from a guy who says he has a video camcorder tape of

Senator Alan Taylor in a morally compromising position.

You're kidding.

Now, Miles, how could that be?

Senator Taylor is the spokesman for the League of American Decency. I know.

Oh.

Oh!

on his way over with the tape. Murphy, I want you to handle the story.

We're going to have to move fast to get it on tonight's show.

Oh, come on, Miles. You know these things don't usually pan out.

It'll probably be like that guy who said he had a tape of Marilyn Quayle running

naked in the Library of Congress.

I still think we should have at least looked at that. It could have been her.

She's been under a lot of stress.

I understand this.

I spoke with the man.

I did.

After almost four years, I still have to defend my journalistic instincts to

you, Murphy?

Well, yeah.

That's someone walking by me here at FYI. Mr. Smith? Yeah?

Miles Silverberg. Spoke to you on the phone.

Let me introduce the rest of our team. Right over here.

Joe Smith. This is Corky Sherwood -Forth.

Jim Dial.

Senior Anchor. I'm... Hello.

Frank Fontana.

And this is Murphy Brown.

Okay, that's everyone.

Don't want to run that battery down, do we?

This is really exciting.

Ellen made me promise I'd get you all on tape.

Ellen, that's my wife.

Wanted to make sure we have it to show everyone back in Minnesota.

My Ellen's a big fan of FYI.

She wanted to come and meet you, but she had to take the boys to the Air and

Space Museum.

Of course, at first, him and Tom, that's the boys, they wanted to go to Disney

World. But we all finally decided it was more important to see the nation's

capital than a bunch of big, silly characters.

You betcha, Mr.

Carter, you're gonna see them both.

So, Mr. Smith, the tape of Senator Taylor. Oh, I got it right here.

You know, I never thought I'd use this camera. I said to my wife, Ellen, Ellen,

why don't we... Why don't I cue that up, Joe? We can use Murphy's office.

Just one question. Is his wife's name Ellen?

Okay, it's showtime.

I think I'll just stand here next to you, Miles. I want to get an

view of the silver bird face as you watch what your journalistic instincts

brought us.

But here we are at the George...

Look, there's Senator Taylor now.

Gee, I remember him as being taller.

Well, no, that's my boy Tim, and that's my other boy Tom.

That's right.

Tonight on FYI, child loses hat twice. What a ratings grabber.

Good grief, that is Senator Taylor.

But that's not Mrs. Taylor. I've seen his wife. She's a two -towel woman,

three.

Get off the kids! Get off the kids!

So that's it. What do you think?

Mr. Smith, would you be so kind as to wait outside for a few minutes while we

discuss the newsworthiness of this story?

Oh, sure. No problem.

Mr. Smith, we've talked it over, and we've decided that we'd like to use your

tape of Senator Taylor on tonight's show.

Gee, I hate to cause trouble for the man, but after all, he's a United States

senator. He can't preach one thing and then go act a different way, right?

Oh, you said it. He definitely has it coming. Whistle was blown, fat's in the

fire, and the dish ran away with a spoon. Miles?

All we have to do is sign the release, and we can pay you.

Pay me?

Okay, well, the tape cost $4 .95 new, but I used about half, so let's call it

even.

The standard fee is $1 ,000.

Wow! Wait till Ellen hears this.

It sure is nice of you.

Listen, Joe, it's going to take a while to work up the paperwork, so why don't

we go up to my office and relax?

I have to pick up Ellen and the boys in front of the museum in 15 minutes. Can I

come back later? Oh, sure, sure. What do you say about 12 .30?

Now... Let's go and let Murphy work on our big blockbuster story. Get me the

research department.

Oh, Murphy.

You mentioned something earlier about wanting to see a certain Silverberg

Could this be the face?

Or is it maybe... Guys,

I just dug up a speech of Taylor's on the sanctity of marriage in an age of

moral decay.

Ooh, I love the smell of scandal in the morning.

Reminds me of the Watergate days.

The moment that story hit the newsstands, every corrupt politician in

broke into a heavy sweat.

The Capitol building was so humid you could grow orchids in the rotunda.

Glorious time to be a reporter.

Yes, I remember President Nixon getting into the helicopter, waving goodbye.

I was ten.

Hey, guys.

Frank, what'd you get?

A motel clerk couldn't ID the senator, but he did say that the towel lady was a

regular customer, if you get my drift.

I've got to call into her beeper now.

She's a hooker?

The self -appointed spokesman for American Family Ideals took a hooker to

motel? Ooh, if I wake up now, I'll be very cranky.

Here's the release paper, fresh from legal. All systems are go, go, go.

are you coming on the story? It'll be close, but I think we'll make it. Yes,

tonight on FYI, a white hot... exclusive. And tomorrow, every other

will want to air the tape.

And all the other producers will have to call me.

Hello?

Yes, you may have it.

Hello?

No, not after you snubbed me at the Kennedy Center.

Hello? 60 minutes?

Always pizzas in the ratings?

Let me put you on hold.

For about nine years?

the standard release.

Just sign it. There.

Right there.

There.

You aren't signing.

Why aren't you signing?

Gee, I don't know how to say this, but I stopped back at the motel for a few

minutes and there was a message.

Nightline called.

You see, this morning I actually called them first.

I never mentioned it because they didn't call back.

Well, now they called back and they asked about the tape and they want it.

since technically I called them first.

Joe! Joey!

Josephine! If it's a question of money... Well, match it, match it,

it. Oh, no, it's not the money, and it's really not up to me. The whole family

has a vote.

Then let's call your whole lovely family at the motel and talk it over.

They're not at the motel. They're at the Nightline Studios.

They invited us down for a tour. Sent a limo and everything.

Plus, we got to meet Ted Koppel.

Ellen was so impressed. She's always been a big Nightline fan.

You said she was a big FYI fan.

Well, she's both.

Ted gave us the tour himself.

The boys really took to him.

When I left, he was giving them piggyback rides.

Ted really likes kids.

Murphy likes kids, too. She's even having one. Want to feel her belly?

let her feel your belly. There's a baby in there. I'd like to see Ted do that.

And I'll tell you something else about Ted.

Ted is... is... English.

Born in...

England.

Bet you didn't know that.

Where's his accent?

What's he trying to hide?

You hear that?

You left the boys with a man with no accent.

And Ted... Cheats at poker. We had to ban him from our weekly game because we

caught him hiding cards in his hair.

I don't know.

Ted's been awfully nice to us. Joe, it's just not fair.

Ted got to meet your family. Yeah.

I don't think you should vote until we have the pleasure of meeting your wife,

Ellen, and your two boys, Tim and Tad. Tom, Tim and Tom, Tom.

What do you say?

Well, fair is fair. I'll go get Ellen and the boys. That's right. You go

downstairs and wait for our FYI luxury limo to pick you up. Then go get that

wonderful family and bring them back.

We want to meet them.

Because here at FYI, we are one big happy family as well.

That's because I still have a lot of work left to do on my story, and I think

that's a little more important than knowing that the state song is Hail

Minnesota. Boy, I'd like to hear a few bars of that. What rhymes with

Lots of lakes where you can use your boda?

But it's not a tape -kitting attitude, Murphy.

Now, we need a strategy if we're going to come out on top.

All right, leave the boys to me. I've got three nephews, and they are crazy

about their Uncle Frankie. Great, great.

That leaves Mr. Smith.

You guys notice the way Joe talked about how much she likes Koppel?

Like she has some sort of crush on him? When she gets here, Jim, flirt with her.

Oh, certainly, Miles. But why stop there?

Why don't I take her right here on the table?

Don't be absurd.

I'd like to think I still have some shred of journalistic ethics intact.

Okay, okay.

I don't know why I'm so worried.

We'll get the tape.

Did you see Joe's face when I gave him that FYI hat?

Stroke of brilliance. The man was completely sold.

Thanks for the great stuff.

Bye, Uncle Ted. I love you, Uncle Ted.

Hello, Smith family.

What happened to your FYI hat?

Ted took it. He said it was flammable.

What a kidder. Hi, Miles Silverberg.

This is Ellen, Tom, and Tim.

Silverberg. Is that a Jewish name?

Yeah. We don't have any Jews in Lake Wichita.

Boys, this man is Jewish.

It's a wonderful and rare religion practiced in big cities.

welcome you all the way from the land of 10 ,000 lakes, a state whose death rate

of 8 .3 is well below the national average of 8 .9.

Well, thank you.

Hi, Frank Fontana. Let me get a look at those boys. Hey, guys, how's it going?

He's touching me.

And, um, I'm Jim Dial.

Well, your voice sounds as wonderful in person as it does on television.

Thank you very much.

Of course, this is Murphy Brown.

So how about it? Do we get the tape? Murphy!

Let's not rush the smith. Why don't we all sit down and get something to eat?

Hey, how would you boys like to sit at this table with me? Just us guys.

What did I do?

Tom's afraid of chairs.

We don't know why.

We're hoping it's just a phase.

Tom, wouldn't you like to sit with me in a nice blue...

You like card tricks, Tom?

Why don't we all sit?

Oh, my.

Thank you.

You know, Phil's is a very famous place in Washington.

That's why we brought you here.

And here's the Philster himself.

Miles, what did I tell you about attaching those jasminine frat house

to my name?

I'm not a Phil Spinner, a Phil Master, or a Phil Meister.

I'm just plain Phil.

Don't want to have to tell you again.

Then we'll just order, Phil.

Phil's has the greatest burgers in Washington.

Boys love burgers, right, Timmy?

Uncle Ted bought us lobster.

Nightline took us to La Framboise.

Ted ordered in French. Everything was so lovely.

I'm sure it was, but we thought you'd like to see how real news people eat.

There's a booger on this fork.

Give me that, kid.

That's just a little dried ketchup.

I suppose La Framboise doesn't have any ketchup.

Wonder if they have a fancy French phrase for rats in the kitchen.

I'll just have a bunch of burgers, thanks, Phil.

So, Joe, Ellen, we really would like to be able to use your tape when we go on

the air in less than seven hours.

Maybe you should tell them what Ted said.

What? What did Ted say?

Well, Ted said we could all be in the studio during the broadcast.

And when our tape's on TV, he's going to print our names right at the bottom of

the screen. And the boys' names, too.

And why wouldn't he do that for you, Ellen?

That's a perfectly lovely name.

Ellen.

Would you excuse me?

Mr.

and Mrs. Smith, not only will we match Nightline's offer, we'll do better.

Murphy will actually say your names right on the air, won't you, Murphy?

What? Yeah, sure. Say them, print them, sing them if you like.

So how about it? Do we get the tape?

Well, Ellen and I are sold, but we'll have to wait and see how the boys vote.

And it's only fair to warn you, they've become very attached to Mr. Koppel.

Mom, is it open yet? No, honey, I'm afraid it's closed until after we go

He didn't get to see the moon exhibit at the museum.

It was closed for repairs. The moon's his absolute favorite thing.

It is?

Murphy has a moon rock.

Don't you, Murphy?

Listen, that's something.

Buzz Aldrin, the astronaut, gave it to her, and now it's in her very own house.

Can I see her moon rock?

Now, Tim, we can't go imposing on people at their private home.

Even though it would be the thrill of a lifetime.

Gee, it isn't really an imposition, is it, Aunt Murphy?

Please, Aunt Murphy.

Would you like to come to my house and see my moon rock?

looking a very simple solution.

What? What? I don't know. A short note. Something like, dear Smith, if you ever

want to see little Timmy again... Oh, yes. Let's commit a felony. How is that

helping? I hate this. I'm telling you, I am this far from dropping this... Oh,

we're here. We're here.

Well, hey there.

Oh, my.

You have a lovely home.

Oh, look, boys. This is an inlaid marble table.

It probably costs more than your father will make all next year.

Why don't you wait in here and Murphy and I will get that moon rock out of its

special place.

sunbark? I see you've met the Smiths. Elvin is my house painter. Well, he's an

artist, really.

Elvin, have you seen my moon rock? Before your closet.

Behind the slip and slide.

So, Smiths, how's it going?

a person with unconventional attitudes and a love of anything hep.

actually possess a moon rock.

Ted Koppel doesn't have one.

Can I keep it?

Uh, can he?

Did I mention I have two moon rocks?

Yeah, I do. One from Buzz Aldrin and one from another astronaut. I'll go get it.

Let me tell you, that is one special lady and one spectacular reporter.

You couldn't have a better journalist do your story.

the first one. See the lunar particles?

But you can have it.

So how about it, Smith family?

How about that vote?

All those in favor of FYI, raise your hand.

Yes! Yes! Thank you. Thank you. Now let's go back and sign that release.

Just as soon as we stop by Nightline and tell Ted.

What? Well, after all he's done, it's only right to tell him in person.

Okay. Okay.

But, uh, we don't want to keep the boys all cooped up in that stuffy limo all

night, so why don't we drop them off at FYI with Murphy?

And then I'll take you over to the nightline just to make sure there are no

feelings. All right. But, Tim, this time you let Tom ride backwards.

I'm not letting these people out of my sight again.

Plus, this way, if Koppel tries to pull anything, we have the boy.

of average Americans are changing forever the way we view our world. It's

great lead -in, Jim. I like it. Thanks, but maybe we should add a line. Eddie,

cut two versions of the tape. 39 seconds and 55.

Good. We can make a decision on the stage.

And what is it with these new elevators? Have you seen them? You press a button

and a voice goes... You're fired.

You've been a great prop. Good night, everybody.

Percy, that wasn't very nice. I don't have time to be nice.

I have to finish my copy because we go live in one hour with a story we still

don't have the rights to and Miles is nowhere to be found.

I just got off the phone with a towel lady.

She's willing to make an appearance on the show, but it's going to cost us. How

much? $75 for every 20 minutes. More if she has to talk.

Where's Miles?

He's not back yet. Not back yet? Where is he? Why isn't he back yet? Why?

He's never coming back, Frank. He's moved to...

I had to.

Koppel promised he'd do it.

Nightline has scooped us twice in the last year. You want to go for three?

All right, all right.

Okay, let's sign this, baby.

Here we go. The contract and the check.

Nice pen.

Keep it.

Thank you very much.

Yes. This is truly a great moment. One we should all be proud of. A moment when

the forces of good...

Oh, the cooks. They were in the room next door.

Well, isn't this an interesting turn of events?

Our contract is signed.

We now own the exclusive rights to nothing.

We've been scooped by CNN and the Cook family.

Who the hell is the Cook family?

So does this mean we're not going to be on your show?

Yes, that's exactly what it means.

But, Joe...

I wouldn't trade those precious moments we've had together for anything.

And don't worry about the 20 minutes of vacant network airtime.

I'll just put on a sarong and perform happy talk from South Pacific.

Now, Jim, there's no need to talk like that. I'm sure we're just all a little

tired after the day we've been through.

In fact, you look particularly peaked, Tommy.

Why don't you just relax in this nice sock chair?

Tim, you got a rock from a TV person's own backyard.