Original subtitles

Okay, it's five to ten people still. Plenty of time to get in on the Murphy

Brown pregnancy pool.

How many donuts will she eat today? Plenty of good numbers left.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Senior anchor. Senior anchor coming through.

I'd like to bet two dollars on three donuts.

That was Wabi. She'll be here any second. Oh, that's final.

tonight.

the squeeze on you.

Nice pool, Frank. Much classier than yesterday's how many times will she pee.

Go, people!

Glass table! Morning meeting!

Murphy, please, this is a work area, not a dessert cart.

By the way, here are your phone messages.

Thanks, Miles. What are you doing with my phone messages? Where's my secretary?

In jail.

What? She was selling uninspected meat out of the back of her car.

Gay! Everybody settled in.

Appreciate you giving me all your attention. Because Barbara Walters

wants me to give her Boris Yeltsin's private phone number. What planet is she

on? I need your full attention because we're approaching a critical time in the

broadcast. Can you believe this?

The dry cleaner lost my black Aberdeen slacks. See you in court, pal.

Critical time because the November sweeps is approaching. What's this

My mother's lawyer called important.

Why would he be calling me?

I better find out.

Did you see that? She totally ignores me.

Like I'm invisible.

I'm the Jewish Claude Rains.

Did she do this sort of thing to the last guy who ran the show, or do I just

have the word victim written on my forehead?

The second one.

It's kind of nice, though. It balances the kick me sign on your butt.

Don't listen to them, Miles.

At times it may seem otherwise, but I'm sure Murphy really cares about you.

Could you tell I was lying? I'll never do it again.

Are you excited to help us put our little news show on this week? Or are

just making another pastry run?

Miles, I'd like to be excused from the meeting.

Oh, really? And what brilliant excuse have you come up with this time? The dog

ate your homework?

Your report card fell in a puddle.

My mother died.

Oh, dear Lord Murphy.

This is unbelievable.

How did it happen, do you know?

It was this morning.

Her heart gave out on her.

Just like that.

Where was she?

At home.

Was there anyone with her?

Yes. She was with Mr. Yamakawa, the gardener.

Oh, well, that's good.

At least she wasn't alone.

No, she wasn't.

She was with Mr.

Yamakawa.

Oh.

Can you believe that?

My 65 -year -old mother was having an affair with her 70 -year -old gardener.

What an amazing woman.

full of life right to the very end.

Murphy, I want you to take all the time you need to get through this.

We'll all cover for you.

And if there's anything you need, anything at all. It's okay.

I don't need any help. I'll be all right.

I just need to make a few calls, some arrangements held, and I'll be back

I always looked forward to Avery Brown's visits. She was quite a woman.

A pistol, I'd say.

No, not a pistol. A machine gun.

No, no.

No, no, not a machine gun.

A howitzer.

A howitzer in a hat. That's what she was.

Hello, everyone.

I felt so bad about Murphy's mother, I decided to go home and change my clothes

out of respect.

I also made a casserole.

That's what we do back home when people pass on.

We make casseroles.

I don't know why.

Nobody ever eats them.

Would anyone like to try this?

None for me.

See?

So, has anyone actually seen Murphy since this morning? Do we know how she's

holding up? She's been locked in her office the entire day.

I'm really worried about her.

Hey there, boys and girls.

It's Murphy time.

Phil, drinks for everyone in the bar. Dinner, too, for that matter. It's on

What? Why so depressed?

Neil Diamond release a new album?

Okay, Murphy, honey, this is a perfectly normal reaction to tragedy.

I remember when my Uncle Grady died. For days, the whole family walked around

like it didn't bother them.

And actually, it didn't bother them.

We all hated Uncle Grady.

The point is you're hiding your real feelings of remorse.

And that's not too healthy.

Phil, I'm not hiding anything.

My mother wouldn't want me to cry.

In the last year, we took care of a lot of unfinished business. In fact, it was

the best year we ever had.

And besides, this came by special delivery today.

It's a letter from my mother.

In the event of her death, she left instructions with her lawyer to have it

delivered to me.

Listen to this, everybody.

My dearest Murphy.

Well. I don't know how I died, but I hope it was quick, a little scandalous,

that everyone in town is talking about me. The following is a list of

instructions for my funeral.

Number one, you are not to cry, not a single tear. It's not the brown style.

that something she's still telling me what to do?

Secondly, make sure I'm dressed well. I'd like to wear my red suit, my black

fedora with the ostrich plume, and my emerald brooch because it cost your

a fortune and I know it'll kill him to see me buried here.

And then she ends it like this.

Well, Murphy, I have no idea where I am right now, but I'm sure it will be fine

as long as they have room service.

I also don't know if it's allowed, but if I can, I promise I'll come and visit

you one last time before the night is over.

Look for me. Much love, Mother.

Is this woman a rarity or what?

Now I ask you, is this the kind of person that'd want people sitting around

bar crying into their beers?

It certainly doesn't seem that way, Slugger. Maybe you're right. Maybe we

celebrate her spirit.

Absolutely. That's the way it's always been done in my family.

I'd like to make a toast.

All rise!

To Avery Brown.

One hell of a broad.

Here, here.

To Avery Brown.

Well, hey there.

It's Murphy's father.

Just in time. Grab a brewski, put on your party face, and let's all have a

time. What the hell's the matter with you, Silverberg? A woman just died.

I know, sir.

I think I'll join her.

Dad. Oh, there's my Susie Q.

How you holding up, kid?

I'm doing fine, Dad. Why are you here?

Well, I heard the terrible news this morning, so I grabbed the first plane

of Chicago so I could be here with you.

I thought that we could spend the night here and then drive up to Philadelphia

together for the funeral.

Gee, Dad, isn't this a little out of character?

It's been two years since we've seen each other, and in that time, you've

me twice and written to me once.

I thought things were going to change between us. I got in a little over my

head, Murphy. You know, running the newspaper, a new wife, a new child.

you know how it can get. But the point is that this is the last time that the

three of us can be together as a family.

Oh, nice family. You, me, and a dead person. We're a regular Norman Rockwell

painting.

You know, Dad, I really hadn't planned on having company tonight.

Oh, well, okay.

Sure, if that's the way you want it, I guess I can stay in a hotel.

Um,

since you went to all the trouble of coming here, I... Oh, that's my Susie Q.

Well, what do you say we hit the road, huh?

You know, I thought it might be nice if we could spend the night tonight

reminiscing about the good times.

Dad, there weren't any good times.

Well, that's not true. I mean, I can name at least a dozen right off the top

my head.

Well, maybe not a dozen. Eight?

Five? Well, actually, it's not good to dwell on the past.

Dad, no gas station in Washington will break a 50 after 8 o 'clock.

You didn't have to go after the attendant for squeegee.

Elvin, hi.

Hi.

I feel so bad.

But we can't cry.

She said she didn't want that.

Is he still here? Why is he still here?

Hello, Mr. Brown.

Eldon, what's in this trunk?

I don't know. It came a few hours ago.

Look who it's from.

It's from... Mother.

First the letter, now this?

What are you talking about? What letter?

Oh, here. I don't think she'd mind if you read it.

And now this trunk.

I think she's in there. What?

I mean, I can't help but think, all right, she's playing this big practical

on us, and when we open this trunk, she's going to pop right out of there

surprise us all.

Although I don't see any air holes.

Oh, I must be in some deep state of denial.

Why is he still here?

Helden, look.

Maybe it would be better if you went home and got some rest.

I'm sure tomorrow things will seem better.

Yeah.

No,

I don't think we're going to go home.

I'm going to go to the painter's bar, and I'm going to have a cappuccino in

honor.

Then I'm going to take my pants off and drive around town.

What?

Why?

It's something we do in the Bernicke family when a loved one dies. Now...

We don't know why. I think there was some kind of miscommunication down

But anyway, no one wants to be the first one to break tradition, you know, so

we're stuck with it.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Elvie.

Okay, here I go.

This letter is unbelievable.

The woman has actually found a way to reach out from the grave and still get

people. How about that bit at the end about coming back for a visit? Is that

great? Well, I'll tell you something.

If anybody could figure out how to haunt people, she could.

Yeah, she's the one who could do it all right.

Yes, she is definitely the one.

You want to open it?

Well, we might as well get it over with.

Are you asleep? No.

I heard a noise. When?

Before. Before when?

A couple of minutes ago.

It was a loose shutter. I fixed it. No, it did not sound like a loose shutter.

Was it a thunk, thunk, thunk kind of noise? No, it was a ping, ping, ping

of noise. Ping, ping, ping? I didn't hear that. Ping, ping, ping.

Like a clogged drain pipe. Water rising.

And then it makes that ping, ping, ping noise?

I guess that's what it must have been, yeah.

Why are we sitting here in the dark?

I have no idea.

Murphy, I know why we're having trouble sleeping.

It's because of that damn trunk downstairs. It's time to open it.

I guess you're right.

Let's just get it over with. What's the big deal?

Stop that. I hate that.

There you go.

You know, it's a funny thing.

I always thought that I'd be the first to go.

Oh, Dad.

Yeah, I was sure she'd figure out some way to kill me.

Give me a hand here. Oh, yes, sure, sure.

What's this?

It's just a bunch of old stuff from the attic.

What the heck is this?

That's my putter.

That's my favorite putter.

I swear I spent the past 20 years looking everywhere for this damn thing.

What does this say?

Murphy. This is your father's favorite putter. He spent the last 20 years

looking for the damn thing.

I stole it from him after Thanksgiving 1963.

He got drunk, put my hat and shoes on the turkey, and introduced it to the

family as my sister from out of town.

So I'm passing the putter on to you, Murphy.

Hide it well.

The honor of the brown women depends on it. Oh, no, you don't agree.

No, no, this is mine. I'll just take that. Thank you very much.

This damn storm gonna blow out of here.

Oh, look at this.

The old photo album.

Oh, boy, now we're talking.

I tell you, Murphy, we had some wonderful good times, the three of us,

they're all documented right here in this book.

Okay, but any photographs of me in that home perm go straight into the

fireplace.

What's that?

That looks like the Fourth of July at our house on the shore.

What's that hole?

think that's where I was.

Look, you can see my shadow right there. She cut me out of this picture.

What the hell?

Look, here's our 1953 brand new Oldsmobile. There's me, there's Mom, and

another old man.

She cut me out of all of these pictures.

That woman has defaced our family history.

Well, there's got to be some evidence of me in here somewhere.

Somewhere. Uh -huh, there. See that spruce tree?

That's Christmas 1956.

I cut that spruce tree down myself.

Yeah, right out of the Hennessy's front yard. They came over on Christmas Eve

and took it back.

I was looking at the negative side.

Murphy, you were always very, very tough.

You refused to believe in Santa Claus because you'd never heard the reindeer

the roof. So that night, I got the ladder and I climbed up on the roof and

stomped all over your bed.

I knew it was you, Dad. You did not. I did, too.

Reindeer don't whinny and have a smoker's cough.

You know, I actually thought that year we were going to have a good Christmas

until I looked out the window and saw Mother taking your ladder away. God,

you must have been stuck up on that roof half the night.

Just a couple of hours.

Until I lost my footing.

It's a good thing that that gardener planted those hedges down there. Mr.

Yamakawa.

Whatever happened to him?

Still enjoying his work, from what I hear.

You know, Dad, it was that Christmas Eve that I became a good journalist.

Because I decided I should never believe in anything I couldn't see. Oh, come

on!

Oh, look at this!

That's the old Indian blanket.

Oh, boy.

Does this bring back memories.

Great ones.

Remember that night in the summer we camped out together in the backyard? We

two broomsticks and this blanket. Oh, and I made a teepee.

Dad, I went in the garage and got the flashlight, and then we sat in the tent

and we told ghost stories all night long.

Oh, Dad, it was so great.

That's really the kind of thing you wish you could relive.

And every night, whenever a full moon shines over the lake, you can hear

the...

kid's face a smile okay i guess things weren't really as bad

as they seem you know i always wondered what made a guy who always seemed so

busy for this kind of stuff decide to build that wonderful little teepee for

daughter in the backyard oh well uh no murphy no i i i

don't want to know about that it's embarrassing oh come on dad Your

as an old curmudgeon is safe with me. What made you do something so sweet?

Actually, your mother threw me out of the house that night and I didn't have

place to sleep.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez. This is unbelievable.

We were this close to being a real family.

This close.

What else are you going to tell me?

I suppose that time you took that splinter out of my knee, you were only

it because you needed the wood.

Well, I tried, Murphy.

I tried, but I... I guess I'll just have to throw in the towel on this one.

You can't make up for all the lost time in one night, Dad.

Baby bonnet

If

you didn't want me to cry, why did you

send me all this stuff How

could you do this

How could you leave me now?

I need you now.

No, Dad.

You were never there when I needed you.

And it's too late.

Wait a minute.

How long are you going to go on...

Punishing me for the past.

When are you going to drop all this baggage and get on with things?

Are you putting this on me?

Where have you been for the last two years?

I'll tell you where.

With your 30 -year -old wife and your year -old son. Well, it's all very nice.

Except you forgot the part of your life that lives here in Washington.

What kind of...

Bull is this.

This is not the way I taught you to look at a story.

There's two sides to everything and you're going to hear mine.

You think you don't have a father.

But I think I don't have a daughter.

You didn't show up at my wedding.

You didn't call the day my son was born.

How do you think that made me feel?

I don't know. Well, I'll tell you.

Lousy.

Like you didn't care.

And to tell you the truth, I don't think you did.

I didn't want you to get married again.

I wanted you to be with Mother.

She really loved you.

And I really loved her. I still do.

But, honey, we couldn't live together.

I felt that I deserved some kind of a life.

But you couldn't accept that.

I didn't think it mattered. Oh, it matters. It matters more than anything.

Especially now. A grandchild is coming.

I want that child to know who Bill Brown is.

Warts and all.

Will you let me?

Okay, you're choking me.

I'm sorry about that.

I don't think I've seriously hugged anyone since Nixon resigned.

Boy, this has been some day, hasn't it?

What time is it?

Oh, it's a little after midnight.

Well, I guess Mother's not coming after all. Oh, I don't know. I think she just

did.

say we call it a night. Good idea.

Mind if I take the Indian blanket? Why, it's yours, of course.

Uh, by the way, where's my putter?

Gee, I don't know.

I'm your father. Now, if you don't tell me what you did with my putter, I'm

going to take the television out of your room tonight.

Good night.