Original subtitles

I'd come from the ghetto and I knew I was made for more in life.

I was a stripper.

I was a model.

These are the details from Beyonce.

Whatever it was that had to do with celebrity and bright lights, I had it

the palm of my hand. Just spending and spending and spending.

I definitely thought that money would bring me happy.

But just as fast as it came.

was just as fast as it was taken away.

It was the most scared I was in my life.

My whole entire future flashed before my eyes.

I was just thinking, how the hell am I gonna get out of here?

I was raised in Missouri City, Texas, where it's like run down in the hood in

the ghetto.

There was lots of danger and there was lots of violence.

It was a gang -infested area, a lot of drugs.

It's the culture I grew up in.

My mom was, she was a Methodist and was a disciplinarian. I

remember her yelling all the time at me and my brother.

My mom,

she was always at work.

And at the time, I felt like she was emotionally unavailable.

My brother was too cool to hang out with me, so I was pretty much raising

myself.

You know, my parents separated when I was four years old, so my dad was hardly

ever around.

He was an alcoholic drug dealer, and he was

murdered when I was 12 years old.

I remember the day that it happened.

My mom said two men had broke into his house, beat him up real bad,

hit him with a hammer, shot him,

left him in a pool of blood.

You know, it was a drug deal gone wrong.

I was actually supposed to be at his house.

Maybe if I was actually there, maybe the two men would have seen a child and

nothing would have happened.

So I actually blamed myself.

It was my fault.

I felt like half of me died.

And that's when I just started getting in all this trouble.

running the streets with anybody who would show attention to me, which was

the kids who got in more trouble than I did.

Breaking in the cars, breaking in the houses.

And I didn't care whether I got caught.

There was a night I broke into 62 cars.

I hear the sirens.

I ran for it.

I knew that even if the police were chasing after me, no one was ever going

catch me.

A few days later, someone snitched on me.

Whoa, what did I do?

You'll be at the station then. They put the cuffs on me.

I didn't do nothing, Mom. I swear.

And took me straight to juvenile.

What? Mom.

And my mom didn't take up for me.

Mom.

She was just really mute and silent. She showed no emotion.

Mom.

And I took it as, my mom doesn't love me.

I was just this little kid who just wanted to be loved or told that he was

something, and I never heard those words.

I was in juvenile for six and a half months.

I was the smallest person there.

I just felt so alone.

You would see all these kids crying, and they were so afraid.

I knew that I was going to have to change. I didn't know how I was going to

change.

I just knew that I didn't want to be in prison.

When I was released, I got on the track team.

The place that I felt at home the most was track and field.

There was something about feeling a sense of freedom while I was running.

Running saved me from getting into a lot more trouble.

So growing

up, I knew I was made for more in life.

You know, Missouri City was a...

a breeding ground for talented people who never really did anything with the

talent, turning into drugs, alcohol, and doing nothing with their life.

Death was so common in Missouri City.

I remember I was out one night with my two friends, and it wasn't in a good

neighborhood.

A car comes driving by, and when I tell you it was slow motion,

all I saw was the gun, and it was like I

froze, but I heard boom, boom, boom, boom.

I was in mobile.

I look down, this guy is buckled over.

There's blood all over me.

And I'm hearing the sound of somebody dying.

I was in shock.

And I was just like, damn.

I was like, this ain't the kind of life that I want to live.

Deep down inside, I knew I needed to get out of Missouri City.

I wanted to have a fresh start.

And Los Angeles was the first place that I could think of.

Mom, I gotta go.

You stay out of trouble.

Do you hear me?

You know, up until now, I never really had a strong connection with my mom.

And I wished that...

Someone would tell me that they love me and I'm special and I'm important. I

wish to hear those words.

But we didn't have that kind of relationship.

And away I went.

When I thought of Los Angeles, I thought of palm trees, celebrity and

bright lights. But little did I know.

that I was going to be entering into a dangerous new direction.

Who are you?

Never in a million years would I have ever guessed that I would end up getting

into what I got into.

When I got to Los Angeles, I was just a little broke boy

from Missouri City.

And I seen a lot of other people get a lot of attention because they had a lot

of money.

So I was willing to do anything to make money.

The head stripper gave me the name Mr. Fantasy.

I'm like, yeah, Mr. Fantasy.

I was a hot mess.

I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't know how to body roll back then.

But I just, I loved being cheered for.

And I was falling in love with making money.

I was giving this lady a table dance.

And she was like, Daisy, with a body like that. You should be a model.

A modeler? I never thought about it. I was like, can you make money?

That was what I kept asking.

You can make that money, honey.

Hey!

The next morning, I made a list of 16 different modeling agencies.

I went to pretty much every agency in town.

Rejection after rejection after rejection.

There was one more agency to go to, which was by far the biggest one.

And in my head, I had zero chance.

Let's take your shirt off and see what you got.

David Todd, he was one of the head agents.

That's great.

Hey.

He looked me up and down.

Hmm. He was just going like, hmm.

Hmm. You know what, kid?

You don't look like any of our other models.

We would love to sign you to our books.

I was absolutely shocked.

For real?

Because I couldn't see what he saw.

Why would he want to represent a little black kid from Missouri City, Texas?

Completely blew my mind.

These are the details for Skechers, Buckle, and Beyonce.

In the Jumpin' Jumpin' video, I played Beyonce's love interest.

I was riding in a Ferrari doing 360s.

They paid me $6 ,000.

The Skechers was $4 ,000.

The buckle was $2 ,500.

I definitely thought that money would bring me happiness.

I never got attention at home.

I never felt loved, seen, heard.

But now people were recognizing me, acknowledging me, popularity

for the first time in my life.

I was just spending and spending and spending.

My image was that of somebody who was making lots of money, and even though I

was making lots of money, I didn't know how to manage it properly.

I never grew up having money, so I didn't know what to do with it.

It was like I had a hole in my bank, and all the money that was coming in was

going right out.

As soon as it came in, it was gone.

And so I kept looking for ways

to make more money.

I just knew that I was going to find a way to maintain that lifestyle.

In 2001, I had an opportunity to go to France.

for a job.

It was my first time.

I remember I ended up going to a club where I didn't really know anybody

And I happened to see three guys that I knew from Los Angeles.

I wasn't personal friends with them. I just knew that they had a really awesome

lifestyle.

Hey, what's up, man? How's it going?

I saw you on everything at the club back home. I'm from L .A. too.

I was in the Destiny's Child music video.

Oh, yeah.

See that, Papa Tom?

That was good, man.

I didn't know what they did. All I know is they drove nice cars.

They were always surrounded by pretty women.

I know.

That's the kind of life I want to live.

If you don't mind me asking.

What does it take for a guy to make the kind of money that y 'all make over

here?

I was never afraid to ask somebody that.

So Flat Top, his name was Flat Top because he had a box -shaped haircut.

He was, like, English.

All of a sudden, he, like, looked at me and saw that I was serious.

We might have an opportunity for you.

Sometimes you need a driver to take a car from this place to that place.

$10 ,000 cash.

NG. It's NG.

In my head, I'm like, I'm already making a lot of money in this modeling.

But I had a greed for money.

Putting money over everything.

I want in.

I want that fast cash.

I wanted it. I want it all.

Yeah, man.

One week later, they had me meet them in London.

I didn't really know how it was going to work.

I was finding out as I was going along.

You good, bro?

No.

Because that works.

Flat Top gave me specific directions.

He's like, you're going to drive this car to the ferry, enter into Holland,

and then drive to Rotterdam.

It's a specific location in Rotterdam.

He said, when the job is done, you'll have all your money.

I did not ask what was in the car, because in my head, If I don't know

the car and I get caught, then I'm innocent.

I drove the car to the ferry terminal, and the closer and closer I got to the

border, I could feel this feeling. It was like this nasty ball of heat.

The officer asked me what was the purpose of my trip.

I'm a model. I have an audition in Rotterdam.

Holland?

I had a magazine with the cover of my face on it. And I instantly said,

I have auditions.

All of a sudden, that feeling in my heart is like, boom, boom,

boom, boom.

like scared, afraid.

Oh, good looking chap.

He smiled and all of a sudden his whole energy changed.

And I was like, I'm going to get away with it.

I took the ferry, didn't have any more issues.

We docked.

There was a little hint that, does anybody see me?

Any problems?

No, man. None at all.

Good job, pretty boy.

I love hearing good job for working hard.

It don't matter what it is.

The kind of attention I never got at home, so I was willing to take it from

anyone.

And I was just like, yo.

from a broke boy from Missouri City, $10 ,000 was like $100 ,000.

Don't spend it all at once.

Didn't promise that.

Next day, flew back home.

First thing I thought of is when can I do it again?

This time, it was a bit more risky.

And it involved me taking a package.

on a plane from Los Angeles to the UK.

I didn't know what to do with it, so I put it in my pants,

and I just looked, and I turned around, and I was like, no

one's going to grab my balls. I know that, but they'll feel around, and if

they're feeling around, they're just going to be like, damn, he's got a huge

penis.

I got to the airport.

Anything to check in today, sir?

No, ma 'am.

I wanted to get in and out of the airport as quick as possible.

Where are you traveling to and how long is your stay?

A week's vacation in London.

Have a good flight, sir.

Thank you.

My adrenaline rose as I was going through security.

And my knees start to get weak.

And I'm just like, shortness of breath.

I was just thinking about everything else but what was going on in my pants.

I absolutely convinced myself that I was invincible.

I could not be stopped.

When I land, I meet up with Flattop.

What's up, man?

What's up, man?

And he gave me a package.

I just made $20 ,000 in less than two weeks.

I'm just like...

After that, I was just racking up the cash.

20 ,000.

30 ,000.

40 ,000.

50 ,000.

I was addicted.

Man, I want to make $100 ,000 a billion.

In Los Angeles, when you have money, people always find a way to be around

Money talks out there.

I felt like a king.

I really believed that I had a lot of friends.

Looking back, how naive.

I was ego confident, over confident.

And I was like,

Easy. And nothing could go wrong.

So I was on my eighth trip.

But everything inside of me was like, no, this feels wrong.

If it isn't my handsome friend.

And that's when I realized.

I was getting in too deep.

This time they asked me to drive from France to the UK.

This time there's a little something you might have to do before getting to the

terminal.

It's all written down here.

Don't ask any questions.

Just do what it says.

The directions were go to the hotel.

Go to the restroom, come out, go behind the car,

open up the car.

I saw Congo drums in there.

All of a sudden I started thinking, what's that? What's in those Congo

What's in those Congo drums? I have no idea.

Everything about it felt wrong.

Looking back now, connecting the dots, going backwards.

Oh, Garrett.

I just remember there was this eerie feeling.

It seemed like somebody was watching me.

as I'm pulling up near the French border.

I have my

magazine, just like I always have.

He didn't smile.

There was no reaction.

We wish to inspect your car.

Please, remove yourself from the car.

And I'm like, never been through that before.

My heart is beating outside of my chest.

Please, open the trunk.

What I did?

They was like, what is this in the back? I was like, oh, it's Congo drums.

My friend is a musician and I'm driving his car.

For a brief moment, I'm like, they're going to let me go.

Then they took an act.

They crack it open and they pull out these shiny bricks.

And later I found out it was 6 .2 kilos of heroin.

No, no, those aren't mine.

I've never seen that before.

It's not mine.

It's not mine.

My stomach sunk.

That sunken feeling.

The lowest of the low.

They take me to a holding cell.

They started asking me all these questions.

Who do you work for? Who is your boss?

And I was denying everything.

They pulled out photos of me hanging out with the guys.

I'm telling you, that's not me.

I quickly realized that this was something much more than

me just driving a car.

It was like they were building a case on these people.

And so in my head, I was like, was I set up?

One thing I do know is I wasn't dealing with... People were playing picnic in

the park. These are some very dangerous people.

Laptop could potentially cause some harm to myself and my family.

And so I wasn't going to say anything.

I'm not snitching on anybody.

So five days, they interrogated me every single day.

They'd ask me a million times the same exact questions.

They'd give me one slice of bread every

day. And it was almost like they were starving me to get me to confess.

I was very tired.

All I want to do is go to sleep.

They put me in the handcuff.

We started driving, not knowing what my next day was going to look like.

Terrified.

Two hours later, we end up at this prison.

They maybe strip off my clothes.

There was this feeling in my stomach.

It was like cold and hot at the same time.

And I'm just like, what am I doing here?

They took me to my cell.

It was the most scared I was in my life.

Their faces.

looked like straight evil.

Up till now, I kind of closed my eyes to all of the dangers or

what could have happened to me.

And then reality just smacked me up against the face.

That was the first time I truly, truly, truly

felt like a screw -up.

I'm like, how am I going to survive in prison?

My first week in prison, I was really scared.

I was in a foreign country.

And I couldn't speak the language.

In America, you can get a first phone call.

They weren't giving me a first phone call.

So I'm just like, nobody knows where I am.

Even though my relationship wasn't that great, I needed to write to my

mom.

I've had some bad luck in France.

I got arrested and accused of drug smuggling.

If my mom would have known what I was doing, smuggling drugs, my mom would

never approved.

I felt ashamed.

So I was just like, you know what?

I'm innocent.

It's all a mistake.

I'm innocent.

I'm in here for some things that I didn't do.

I'm okay.

Your son, Garrett.

Before I got sentenced, I got information from the consulate.

They told me...

Might get a year.

Jones, I have something for you.

Then they gave me a sentence that was 10 years.

In that moment, my heart just like dropped.

And I felt like a scared little boy.

That's when I thought about my mom.

And I realized by smuggling drugs, I was up to no good, just

like my dad.

My dad, he was a drug dealer.

Just knowing that I was duplicating the path that my dad was going down.

I was like, I know how this ends.

And that's when I knew if you don't do something different with your life,

you're not going to make it out alive.

In the prison, there's a hierarchy.

And, you know, I would see all kinds of fights.

People jumping each other.

Kicking them.

Bitting on them.

People got stabbed.

You'd hear the screams.

I had no idea what the future held.

And I was honestly afraid for my life.

I received your letter today, and I'm writing you immediately.

Finally, when I got the letter from my mom, growing up, I didn't feel like my

mom loved me.

I didn't feel like I loved my mom.

It's like I had been a stranger to her.

I'm so sad about this awful thing that has happened to you and Fran.

She wrote words that I had never personally heard.

In my head, it's a shame that I've got to be in prison to hear these things.

I know I've been hard on you in the past.

I'm thinking about you every single day.

And I love you so very much.

In that brief moment, I felt I got my mom back.

Like, I have a mom.

One time I went out to promenade, I felt really lonely.

I hadn't ran in a long time.

There was like this little voice inside of me saying, run, you love to run.

People were laughing at me. They were

pointing at me.

And I just kept running and people were like, oh, that American was crazy.

Prison is a really tough place.

But running gave me something to hold on to.

And running truly supported me in being sane.

And that's when I started reading books.

I came across a really powerful book on positivity, and everything in the book

was not how I was living my life.

I was cynical. I was very selfish.

I grew up in a very negative mind state, starting from my childhood all the way

up. So a book on positivity, it was just very helpful because it focused on

being generous.

Being kind to yourself, being kind to other people, and just having overall

positive mental attitude throughout your life.

2005.

I've been here for two and a half years already.

Out of nowhere, I was called into the head administrator's office.

I had no idea why I was coming in.

I got, like, really paranoid.

I was like, what's happening right now?

What is this?

Jones.

A request was made to retest the drugs that were found in the trunk of your car

on your arrest.

The results of this test have shown that some of the heroin was in fact chalked

up.

He said, we've retested the drugs and the bulk of the drugs were fake.

As a result of this, your sentence has been reduced.

You are free to go.

I was thinking about every scenario possible.

I couldn't seem, none of it made sense to me.

So it's a mystery.

I'll never know.

All I knew is that I was a free man.

The guard took me to the airport.

I was in handcuffs for 10 straight hours.

Until I hit American soil, it was an absolute relief to be home.

When I was released, I was just happy to be out.

I knew I needed to go back home to connect with my mom.

Now thinking about it.

I felt ashamed.

I put my mom through a lot of stuff.

And I was embarrassed to go home to my mom.

I wished that I could have told her the full truth when I was writing

those letters in prison.

She still thought I was innocent.

I had to finally come clean.

I had to tell her, not for her but for me.

I had to free myself.

I went home.

Mom?

Get rid of it.

Okay, baby.

I got something big to tell you, Mom.

And I'm not really proud of it.

I just came clean.

I just started admitting it.

Mom, this is what I really did.

I lied in my letters from prison.

I knew I was smuggling drugs.

My greed and selfishness only thought about me and nobody else in those

moments.

I should probably scold you or something.

She didn't judge me for it.

She still loves me.

Realize that people make mistakes.

And she also realizes that people can change their life too.

I never wanted to hurt my mom.

I'll come home, baby.

For a long time, I was running away from myself.

I made a lot of bad choices that ultimately took me to prison.

But I'm grateful for it. I wouldn't want to experience that again.

But I'm grateful for the experience that has me in this chair right now.

Now, I'm not a stripper.

I'm not a model.

I'm not a drug runner.

I'm Garen Joan.