Original subtitles

I cannot believe I'm really going with the Columbia.

I'm only 18.

I wasn't even thinking about, you're going to smoke a drug.

I'm going to literally have it in my bra and in my underwear.

I realized I was set up.

So now I'm suspicious of everybody.

Bitch, this better be a part, you know, of the plan.

How do you call your mom and tell her that you're in a third world country for

trafficking heroin?

I just felt so destroyed inside. My life had been ripped away from me.

Well, I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York.

I was 18 years old with no direction in life.

My mom and I lived by ourselves in a two -bedroom apartment.

Never met my father.

It has been me and my mom, so that's why it's always kind of hurted, the fact

that we never really got along.

I just wanted to be free and live my life and, you know, her being a mother.

Keeping me in was just making me want to break free even more.

I was around 370 pounds.

And being 5 '4", big.

When you're stuck in a certain mind frame and you don't have the help to get

of that and you have this habit of eating, you basically just stay right

because this is all I know. This is my comfort food.

I love clothes.

I like fashion.

When I did apply for a job, I felt like they would look at me like, oh, she's

not going to do the work. She's going to be lazy.

And I just felt like a lot of times I would be discriminated against because

my size.

But I used to act like it didn't bother me.

But now, you know, it bothered me.

I remember one day I see this article.

about gastric bypass surgery they were just making it seem like oh this surgery

and it'll change your life because there were people who had got it already and

they have lost this dramatic amount of weight and I'll be like oh that's gonna

be me oh and I'm cute

I'm going to get that. So it was like a eureka moment, like I'm going to be able

to go shopping, I'm going to get a job, and I'm going to have money.

I just felt like with that surgery, all these great things in my life would come

too.

I started, you know, trying to find out about it.

I found out that I was going to have to pay like roughly $6 ,000.

That's when it became like, oh boy.

Money, again, it's like it always boils down to that.

Now, I found something that can actually help me lose weight and help me lose

weight maybe quickly and help me change my life around, and I had to find a way

to come up with money and really think, you know, what am I going to do?

I think it was in the morning, and there was a knock on my door.

My cousin Marie went to go get it.

So I go to the door, and she has this guy with her.

I hear him telling my cousin to talk Spanish.

So I'm standing there thinking, like, who is this? Like, why is he at my door?

Why is my cousin saying he's talking Spanish to this man?

So I asked him, like, why do you need someone to speak Spanish?

He's like, well, do you know Spanish?

And I'm like, yeah, I do.

Can you tell me something in Spanish?

His eyes was, like, lit up.

To me, it's so normal, because, hello?

Like, I'm Puerto Rican in Colombia. Like,

I was like, okay.

Why do you need someone to speak Spanish?

And he's just like, I need someone to go to Colombia.

I was like, really?

My grandmother's from there.

It was always like a dream of mine to go to Colombia.

And he lowered his voice, and he was like, well, I need someone to...

Bring some drugs back for me.

It was kind of like an are you serious moment.

Drugs, like, okay.

I was kind of, you know, alarmed. But at the same time, I was kind of curious.

I was just thinking, no job.

I know there's money involved.

What are you going to do, Viv?

He's like, well, give me your phone number.

I'll call you later, you know, so we can meet up.

It's basically crunch time, like, you see that I'm going to do it or I'm just

going to stay in the same predicament.

Peter called me, like, around 5, 5 .30.

He's like, what are you doing?

Damn, this is for real. Like, everything's happening so fast.

I'm like, well, what do you need me to bring back?

And he's like, well, I need you to bring back a kilo.

So I'm thinking, like, okay.

a kilo. So I'm like, okay, that's a lot.

So I asked him like, okay, so how much does it pay?

He's like, okay, well, 20 ,000.

When was I ever going to get an opportunity like just handed to me just

that?

When was that going to occur?

Never.

What's so special about this life of mine that it's not worth taking the risk

doing this for 20 grand? Like, hey, why not?

So I was just like, I'll do it.

Yeah, I'll go.

So he was like, let's go get your passport picture.

I was like, this is cool, because, you know, I always wanted a passport.

I was traveling on the 26th, which was the day after Christmas.

I hid the ticket in a box.

I was so excited. I was opening it, and I'm looking at it.

I wasn't even thinking about, oh, you're going to smoke drugs. I was thinking,

like, you're going to Columbia.

Christmas was very nice. You know, my uncles, my mom's two brothers, they came

over and we had, like, Spanish food, you know, rice and peas and potato salad

and bed needs and roast pork, you know.

My phone rang.

It was Peter.

He's like, is there any way that you can...

Come downstairs for a little while.

I told my mother that I was running downstairs real quick to go meet a

He showed me pictures of the man who was supposed to pick me up from the

airport.

The man in the picture, he looked really nice. He was smiling.

Up until now, I never really asked him stupidly, how was I going to bring the

drugs back?

So, you know, I asked him, like, is it going to be in my bag?

We're going to have it on you, on your dress.

You're going to have it on you? Are you freaking kidding me?

He hits me with the news the day before that I'm going to literally have it in

my bra and in my underwear on me going through the airport.

You wait until now to tell me that I'm going to have it on me?

He should have put that out there from jump.

Because that's a very strange way to carry drugs.

Literally on me.

Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be just fine, you know?

I know people are probably going to say, well, then why do it?

There's a passport board. There's tickets bought.

All right.

All right.

You know, let's do this.

My mom kept asking me, like, what's wrong with you? You might, you know,

real quiet today. And I'm like, no, I don't feel good.

I got kind of sad because I'm thinking, like, what if this is my last Christmas

with them?

I felt like I was going to do something so huge, and everybody's in front of me,

and I'm just sitting here acting like everything's fine, when in my mind, I

that tomorrow I'm about to go do something incriminating.

One. And two, something that'll probably cause me to not see them for a long

time.

It's now December 26th, the day that I was going to fly out.

I told my mom that I was going to go stay with a friend of my cousin.

Finally, with enough pleading and arguing with her, she gave me the okay.

And I was just looking at her like...

Like, I hope I see you again, you know.

I gotta go, Mom.

I gave her another kiss. I told her I loved her.

And she gave me the bendición, which in Spanish is like, like a God bless

you, you know.

I just kind of wish, like, she would have found the ticket and ripped it up,

then I wouldn't be doing this.

But then I had to face the fact that what was done was done. I already said

you know, I couldn't go back.

Being on the plane, you know, for the first time, it was very exciting.

I cannot believe I'm really going to Columbia. Like, I'm going to my

grandmother's birth country. Like, I'm going to finally get to see the one

that I've always wanted to see my whole life.

Oh, my God, I'm going to finally have the money to do this gas trick.

I'm not going to spend my money stupidly, and I'm going to save it, and

going to do what I got to do with it. And I was just like, this is so unreal.

When I landed in Barranquilla, it was like I stepped into a furnace.

It was so hot.

I was worried about the danger in Colombia.

I knew that they kidnapped tourists because they think tourists have money.

I was scared if somebody could have tried to rob me or stab me. Like, I

know what to think.

I went into the waiting area.

I see this guy there, and he's waving at me, and he's like, Viviana.

I definitely had a sense of relief that I wasn't abandoned at the airport and

that somebody was actually there to get me.

I was feeling still a little bit nervous because I didn't know the driver and I

didn't know what they could have been capable of doing or if things could have

went ugly or what, you know.

And I get in the car.

Carlos turned around and he's like, he had the salt and pepper hair.

He had the mustache.

He could be my grandfather.

I was a little bit more reassured about my trip because I'm feeling like, okay,

everything is, you know, flowing the way it's supposed to.

It may sound weird because I wasn't born there, but I just felt like I was.

Home, in a sense, like I'm in my grandmother's home.

So we pull up into this hotel.

Carlos, he tells me to be up bright and early in the morning because he's going

to come get me.

I go in my room.

And I'm thinking, like, Oh, my God, Viv, like, you're really out here by

yourself.

I basically was trying to psych myself into thinking, like, oh, everything's

going to be fine.

But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, well, what if everything ain't

Put the television on.

I'm flicking through the channels, and I don't know nothing I'm seeing.

I tried my best not to dwell on it back home because then I know I would start

missing it and I would start thinking about it.

So it was kind of a little battle with myself, you know, trying to calm myself

down but still having that urge of thinking, what if something goes wrong?

That night, I had a dream with a friend of mine who had passed away.

He's really upset at me.

And he's like, tomorrow you get locked up.

At that point, I felt like everything was over.

The next day when I woke up, I was kind of hoping that it was all a dream.

I'm looking around and I'm like, damn, I'm still here.

So I come outside and the first thing I'm thinking is, you know, what are we

doing for the day?

He's like, I'm going to take you shopping.

So I'm like, okay.

I was excited. I was nervous, but I was pretty excited.

The flea market over there was really nice. They had all these vibrant colored

jewelry.

He's like, oh, you like that?

That's nice.

It was just a cool day.

I was feeling more confident about my decision, I guess because they put me

at a comfort zone.

You know, at that point, it felt like they wasn't a threat.

Then when we left, he told me that he was going to take me to his friend's

house.

And he's like, Peter did tell you.

how you gonna carry it, right? And I'm like, yeah, you know, Peter told me that

I was gonna have it on me.

He's like, yeah, but don't worry about it.

We're gonna go measure your butt and your hip, you know, your hip size to

the underwear and the bra to hold the drugs.

I got a little bit nervous.

I really didn't know what to expect.

This guy comes out, and he's an older man.

He's very nice, and the first thing he asks us is, do we want black coffee?

That's a very big thing in Colombia, is black coffee.

I'm looking around the house and it was already home, boo, home.

A lot of pictures up.

So we're sitting in there and Carlos goes, go in the room

and take off your stuff real quick, you know, so he can measure you.

So I'm like thinking to myself, I don't even know him and I got to take my

clothes off and stand in bra and panty in front of him.

And he's like, don't worry, you look really uneasy.

I'm going to do it, you know, really fast.

I take off my pants and my shirt.

I felt very uncomfortable because, you know, I'm a big girl. Like, it was very

uneasy for me.

What kept playing in my mind was, why do I have to have it on me?

Why can't it be in my suitcase?

I've never heard of that before. I've never heard of no one traveling with

on them, you know.

All these thoughts are running through my mind, and I'm trying to, like, no,

Vivian, like, just relax.

I get dressed, and I go out there, and I'm thinking to myself,

Again, what is it with these people?

Do they really think carrying this stuff on me isn't going to be noticeable?

But then, you know, I try to brush it off and I'm thinking to myself, well,

know, this is what they do. Like, he must know what he's talking about.

Let's go with the flow.

So we pull up into the hotel, and I'm thinking, I didn't

call home yet.

I go across the street, and I call my cousin.

She's like, you like it out there? How is it?

So I'm telling her, like, I was fine, that I was safe. Everything's cool.

So I told her I loved her and I'll be giving her another ring soon.

I'm like, wow, you know, Columbia was really nice.

It was really alive.

So that kind of calmed me.

I definitely was feeling a little bit more safe.

As soon as I walked in, I found my phone rings.

And he's like, don't call home too much.

At that point, I felt like, okay, I'm being watched.

So now I'm suspicious of everybody.

Everybody that speaks to me, everybody that says hi.

I felt like the receptionist in the hotel was the one who told him because

was just super friendly.

I couldn't sleep.

I was just scared that something could have happened to me.

So now I'm basically like a sheep in a pack of wolves.

The next day, a part of me really wanted to run back.

But I'm like, all right, I'm still here, you know.

Let me just do what I have to do.

Carlos calls my phone.

He was like, you're going to have a good day today.

And I'm like, okay.

We're going somewhere special.

Or we're going to take you to the beach.

But I'm thinking to the beach for you to, you know, have fun.

You know, we're going to go, we're going to be on the sand.

I'm going to get to experience the water and go swimming.

I come downstairs.

And he's like, you good to go? I'm like, yeah, I'm good.

We're driving, and we're driving, and we're driving.

We had to be on the road for about close to an hour.

I asked him, you know.

Are you sure we're going to the beach? And they start laughing.

The driver's like, yeah, we're going to the beach, don't worry.

We were going somewhere that kind of got me a little iffy.

Finally, we pull up to a hot restaurant.

And he was like, I just want you to meet some people.

So I'm thinking, oh, Lord, like, what now?

And there's two women sitting there.

One of them was really quiet.

The other one, she was more.

On a friendly note, I'm thinking to myself, okay, maybe

these two girls are going to be trafficking with me.

You know, that's the first thought that ran in my mind when I saw them, because

I'm thinking, why are we coming to meet two females?

Carla's like, okay, well, these two work at the airport.

One of them works here in Barranquilla.

The other one works in Bogota.

and they're going to be the ones searching you.

So when he said that, I was just like, everything's fine.

Everything's lovely.

You couldn't tell me by a can of worms. Nothing else mattered at that point

because I feel like, oh, well, I'm good.

I went by the water. I just really thought about, okay, like, oh, Viv, you

so worried for nothing.

Everything really is taken care of, you know.

Don't worry about it. Like, you're going to be good. You're going to go home.

Everything's going to be fine.

I was actually very surprised because I'm thinking, you know, I know that

all over the place, you know, they have inside jobs, but I can't believe they're

in on this. Like, they're really going to search me.

Caller drops me off. He's like...

I'll be back tomorrow, and I'm going to come bring you the undergarments.

When he said that, that kind of put the nervousness right back in me.

If tomorrow he's going to bring me the undergarments, it means the next day I'm

leaving. So that kind of put me at like a, damn, I'm really about to do this.

The phone rings and this call goes, and he was like, I'm coming up.

He wasn't smiling.

He was very businessy.

He gives me the duffel bag.

He tells me, go in the bathroom, you know, just put this on.

The bra was normal. It just...

felt really heavy.

Everything fit.

It didn't look abnormal.

It looked fine.

As I'm touching it, I notice that you can hear the plastic from the package.

That really scared me.

It'll just take the wrong person to brush past me.

It's over.

I basically was touching it, and I'm telling him, like, don't you hear it?

And he's looking at me like, oh, only a little bit. I'm like, no, you can hear

it. I can hear it. I'm not going crazy.

And he's like, no, it's fine. I'm telling you, don't worry about it.

he kept telling me, don't worry about it.

He's like,

I wanted to give you these, and they were like these two little, Real small

pills.

He was like, these pills are basically for your nerves.

The way I was feeling so wrecked at the moment, it was like, just give them to

me. Like, he's saying they're for my nerves.

I'm going to believe that they're for my nerves, and I'm just going to take

them.

He was like, I didn't know you was going to be this young.

So when he said that, I'm thinking, like, something's up, but I can't

you know, put my finger on it.

Now that I'm thinking back, it was my instinct letting me know, like, this is

good.

I'd be like, okay, if I pat lightly, I can't really hear the plastic.

But if I pat hard, then I can.

So now I'm really worried and scared.

This is do or die.

I was trying to calm myself down, but still having that urge of thinking, what

if something goes wrong?

About 25 minutes into a ride, The impact, I guess, of the pills just hit

like, and I just felt really high.

I was on cloud nine.

You can tell me anything. Like, I just felt like I was cool.

I had my shades.

I'm sitting in the car, and I'm just like, all right, I feel good. Like,

everything's going to be okay.

So we got to the airport.

The feeling of highness definitely gave me that boost.

So I basically was trying to feel like, oh, I'm going to get through this. You

know, everything's going to be fine.

So I'm looking, I'm looking, and I'm like, all right, where is Isabel?

From the beach.

And I see her there, you know, all with her uniform and everything, and she's

out there texting.

I got in line and I got close.

We gave each other like a quick, like that quick glance, like, all right, you

know, I see you, I know you're there.

So I put my case through the x -ray machine.

I stand in front of her, you know, I put my arms out.

And at first she did the scanner.

And then she did like a quick pat.

As she was patting me down, I was just thinking, dear God, please don't let

plastic sound off. But I know she's going to hear it, but I just don't want

make it as obvious. Maybe someone behind me or, you know, side of me could have

heard it.

She was like, you good.

So I grab my bag and I'm just thinking

like, phase one out the window, you know, we got, you know, I'm fine.

I made it through the first airport, but I had three more to go.

Okay. All right, Viv, you know, game time.

We arrive at Bogota, and now I got to change flights.

I see all the security that you got to go through.

And I'm like, oh, my goodness.

I didn't get warned about this.

And then there's all these police dogs everywhere.

And I'm looking at the dog, and I feel like the dog's looking at me.

Hey, over there, don't come this way.

My heart was just pounding. Everything was becoming too much.

I use the bathroom, and I'm thinking, like, what if I just...

flush all of this and just go home, you know, and say I lost it or something.

But I'm just thinking, like, you know, I laugh to myself, like, all right, you

know, you crazy.

This is a man.

He knew my apartment.

He knew where my mom lived.

He knew my friends.

So I just chucked it up and felt like, okay, what's done is done.

You know, I have to go through with it.

The moment I see Maria, I'm just thinking, thank God she's here.

She didn't make no eye contact with me. She didn't look at me.

You know, she played her part pretty damn well.

One of my main concerns was that one of the other security guards near her were

going to be finished.

And if they would have been finished, they would have just told me, like, you

know.

Let me search her.

I'm just praying nothing goes wrong.

I'm in her line.

She's about to search me.

Everything's good.

So I walk up to her and I put my arms out.

She's being actually pretty rough.

She was, you know, tapping me real hard and grabbing me.

I was looking at her like, okay, but then as I saw how the other security

guards, they all kind of were a little aggressive, so I'm thinking maybe they

have to be this way.

When she comes down towards my breast, she stops.

So she's like, what is that?

And I was like, nothing.

She was like, come with me.

And I give her the look like, you got to be kidding me right now.

The pills didn't wear off yet.

I'm trying to be positive on every level.

Okay, maybe she has to do this. Maybe this is part of the whole routine.

The first thing she does is she goes into the bra.

And she pulls out the package.

I'm thinking like, okay, maybe.

She has to do this? Maybe she's supposed to do this? Like, I'm just kind of

confused.

At the moment, I guess the pills were like a favor for me to keep me from

worrying.

She takes out the package in the back.

She turns me around, and she does it also in the front.

She's like, sit down.

She gets on the phone.

And she was like, I need you to come into the search room.

And I'm looking at her with this face like, bitch, this better be a part, you

know, of the plan.

In comes in this girl.

And then Maria tells her, like, I got to go.

You stay here with her. You know, you act like you're the one who arrested

And then she told her, we'll fix things later.

This girl starts talking really fast in Spanish.

The pills didn't wear off yet.

Everything was vividly clear. Like, I knew I was caught.

But in my mind, I'm thinking, well, maybe they going to let me go.

All these officers come in.

And the police actually had me at a very calm state. Like, even through all of

this, I know it may seem unreal, but nothing was really registered.

You know, in my mind, it wasn't like, Vivian, you've just been arrested.

They took me on this long walk, and everybody's looking.

It was like the walk of shame.

Yeah, like, I'm really in such denial at the moment. Like, it kind of,

everything got kind of blurred.

Is this for real? Nah, this ain't for real.

I didn't get handcuffed. I'm thinking, well, maybe they're just going to keep

drugs and let me go home.

Put me back on my plane.

The police officer says, like, You know, who sent you out here?

And I'm like, nobody, myself.

And he's like, oh, so you arranged all of this? I'm like, yeah.

I don't believe in telling. I don't believe in snitching.

Because I basically put myself in the fire, and now I got burnt.

He's like, well, you know this is heroic.

I was shocked.

I was numb.

And I felt, and I was very angry.

So then he's like, well, you know that you're going to go to jail for like 12

20 years.

I'm thinking, hoes.

The door slams.

And it's like literally the slam knocks the damn pill effect out of my body.

And I'm thinking, I'm really going to jail.

I'm really going to jail.

What if I really do get these 12 years? I'm only 18.

12 years, I began out of here in my early 30s.

I basically felt like I was done.

Completely done.

I was banging on the door.

And I'm banging and banging and banging. I'm telling them to get me out of here.

I got a guard to come and finally convinced him to let me out to make a

call.

I called home.

What am I going to tell my mother? What am I going to tell my mother?

How do you call your mom and tell her that you're in a third -world country

trafficking heroin?

And I'm like, my, you know.

I need you to sit down because I have to tell you something.

And I take a deep breath and I'm like, I'm in jail.

She just got so hysterical and I'm trying to calm her down.

And I felt very selfish at that point because I just felt like, was $20 ,000

worth?

Is any amount worth going to jail for losing your family?

losing your friends, being alone.

They drove me to the jail, and I remember seeing all these military

And I'm like, where am I? You know, I didn't really know what to expect.

You would have thought, like, a top -notch celebrity just walked in the

building.

Four eyes were on me, and it ain't because I'm American. It was because of

size.

Got these ugly women asking me real stupid questions like, how did you get

big, and what do they eat in the States?

Like anybody can grab you, anybody can snatch you up or steal your belongings

anything because everybody's just there.

I don't even know if I'm going to be able to handle this.

They took me to myself. It was basically looked like I walked into a tomb.

And the bed was made out of pure cement, no mattress on it, no nothing, no light

bulb.

And I'm thinking to myself, do I have to sleep here for the rest of my sentence

on a cement bed?

No. And I just start crying. Like, I know this is not where I'm going to have

live.

The food was horrible.

The meat was cooked, but it was still pink.

It was just disgusting.

Basically in the jail, you need money because you have to pay for everything.

You have to pay for your soaps and your shampoos, your normal everyday living.

For a while, I just went without a lot of stuff.

Meeting other inmates and, you know, sharing, exchanging stories, I basically

realized, like, I was set up.

I think Carlos was in on it.

Peter was in on it.

Well, I know for sure Maria was in on it.

Isabel, she let me through, but that probably was just part of the deal, too,

for me to get caught in Bogota.

I was like a small fish. Like, I was basically bait.

You know, so bigger shipments could probably go through.

I just would sleep literally from the count in the morning all the way to

7, 8 at night.

I just felt so destroyed inside and so numb, and I just felt like my life had

been ripped away from me.

I just one day woke up with this thought of, no.

I basically wrote myself a letter.

It says, Dear Vivian, I know you're going through, you know, a hard time.

And I know you feel like you're never going to make it out of this.

But you are.

From that day, I did a complete 360.

I started teaching English, and, you know, it felt like I was actually doing

something really productive with my life.

It just made me appreciate, you know, our classrooms, our teachers, you know,

the free education.

That's what really made me say, okay, you know, when I go home, you know, I'm

going to try to go back to school.

The moment I stepped out, it was like the air was different.

I was just looking around and embracing the littlest things.

You get all these mixed emotions at one moment.

I got a chance to live to see tomorrow and try to make up for the wrong that I

did.

When I got to New York, I think I was a lot different from the person I was, you

know. when I got locked up at 18.

I learned to value all the little things in my life and not take it for granted

and be ungrateful and be selfish.

When

I

saw my mother, I just gave her, like, the biggest, you know, tightest hug.

I was just saying sorry, and I loved her, and she was telling me she loved

It took almost 22 years for us to have this real connection as mother and

daughter.

I decided to go back to school and get my GED and my associate's degree in

social work to be a social worker. And I just decided that, you know, I wasn't

going to let, you know, my size or other obstacles, you know, come my way.

Stop me anymore.

I learned that no amount of money in this world is worth your freedom.

Being free, you're capable of everything.

The sky's the limit, you know.

Everything's in front of you.

Being behind bars, that's where you're stuck.