Original subtitles

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[rhythmic cymbals]

[detector device signals]

Check this, a cow.

You know that last steak was a horse.

What in the hell happened to them?

Just disappeared into the atmosphere.

Can you dig this?

A complete elephant wiped out.

That will show you after the smog up there.

What are they trying to prove with this new bomb?

That they can destroy humanity, but leave the buildings.

Maybe we can sell the idea to a paint commercial.

The entire race wiped out,

but Sherwin paint didn't even peel.

Let's get back to the base.

We're not supposed to be spending

more than 15 minutes in this radiation.

[oriental melody]

Damn it dad.

I can't believe they actually did it!

I mean until now, the neutron bomb was just an idea.

I just can't believe they actually tested one.

And not just any one,

but that goddamn ultra-neutron bomb!

-Well, the UN bomb, as the President calls it.

I mean, what kind of sick brain can invent a device

that kills all life within a certain radius?

It doesn't even singe a newspaper.

People make wars, Jack, not property.

Some of us in government positions

believe the UN bomb is a blessing.

What happened to you, dad?

You're starting to sound

just like those mush heads in Washington.

Come here son, I want to show you something.

Look out there, son.

You see what war can do to a city?

The people out there may never be

able to rebuild what was once theirs.

If America should engage in a nuclear war,

I'd rather we'd be hit by a bomb

that will leave our cities intact for future generations.

Why should our descendants have to live like rats

grovelling through rubble and debris?

Just because a handful of their ancestors

wanted to kill each other.

Use the ultra-neutron bomb

and there won't be descendants to worry about!

I'm sorry, dad.

This whole thing stinks to high hell.

When I get back to the States,

I'm going to use my name

and my influence as the son of an American ambassador

and I'm going to tell the people about this... this horror!

Jack.

Son wait!

Hello Jack.

How are you, Ann?

Leaving so soon?

Gotta go.

Ready to take that dictation now?

Yes, sir.

[chase music]

Could we go a little faster?

The sooner we get out of here, the better I'll feel.

We may have no choice unless those are your friends.

Hey, here we are.

Come on.

Come on!

Let's get the hell out of here!

[gunshots]

Come on, man!

Speed up a little!

[gunshots]

[signature tune]

Not saying anymore.

[yelling in Arabic]

Hey!

Where are we?

How long have you been here?

Hey!

I want you to connect me with the

American ambassador, Mark Stewart.

At the American Embassy.

This is a call of great urgency.

Do not screw it up.

[in Arabic]

(Jack) Where we going?

Where are you taking me?

Jack has got to be alive.

Otherwise, we would have found his body too.

And he would have sent this.

It adds up, Mark.

I've seen this scenario before.

It won't be the last time an American

dignitary's son or daughter is kidnapped.

If only the abductors made contact.

This damn waiting is...

[phone ringing]

Master Stewart speaking.

Yes, it arrived today.

You must tell me!

Is Jack... alive?

Here, say hello to your daddy.

Dad!

I'm alive and okay.

Don't worry about me.

Don't do anything rash.

What do you want?

I'm a man of wealth, influence.

I'll pay any price too.

What!

You heard me, Stewart.

Use your political influence and great wealth to get us

the second phase fuel formula for the ultra-neutron bomb.

Or, by Allah, your son will be returned to you organ by organ.

How much time do I have?

(abductor) Thirty days.

I see.

And who am I dealing with?

(abductor) Never mind.

Thirty days.

And we don't even know the identity of Jack's kidnappers!

Well, one thing is certain,

you can't meet their demands.

The UN bomb is a dangerous enough

weapon in the hands of sane people.

I've got to do something Jim, he's my son!

(Jim) I understand.

If only we hadn't been arguing.

That's the last memory of Jack I'll have

to carry with me for the rest of my life.

Maybe it won't be.

If we can pull a rescue...

I have an idea.

(Mark) Look, don't bullshit me!

I've already been refused help by the Israelis!

Even our own government!

Too many political problems involved.

I am not talking about any government sanctioned rescue.

(Mark) Then what?

Mark.

I'm not only your assistant, I'm

your friend. So, trust me, okay?

(Mark) What choice do I have?

Remember what I did before you hired me?

I have a lot of connections.

I'm gonna head over to the airport right now.

Have Ann call and get me on the next flight back to the States.

Las Vegas.

[funky jazz music]

The girls look great tonight, Jen.

You did a terrific job with them.

It should be a good show tonight.

Thanks Joe.

Hello.

Do you want a drink, gentlemen?

No, you need to take a walk.

What are you talking about?

I said, take a walk!

I'll get security, Jen.

[action music]

What's wrong boys?

I thought I'm supposed to be the weaker sex.

You creeps want any more?

Come and get it.

That's enough, Jen.

Ah, you... passed the test.

Jim.

What's going on?

Sorry about that.

Had to see if you still had it.

Well?

Obviously, you still do.

Look who showed up back in my life.

Every two years, like clockwork.

So how long is this episode going to last?

I've been out of the country, Jen.

Now I need your help.

Let me explain.

[jazzy cabaret music]

I have an offer that can make you and your girls

more money than you'll ever make in Las Vegas.

Details?

It's not gonna be easy.

Wanna go for a drink?

Yeah!

Let's go.

Sounds good.

So, where are the girls?

Come on, let's go.

Wait in the car.

[indistinct chattering]

Oh don't be so negative, Meagan, things will get better.

We've been rehearsing and performing for months now.

Shaping up, all ready, shaking our butts and for what?

(laughing) Not for the money or for the fame,

that's for sure.

When did you worry about money?

No...

[indistinct chattering]

You know...

Sometimes I think mom was right.

Useful I stayed or I might have been broke all the time.

That's for sure.

I'm with you, the more I think about it, that's why I like it.

(Jim) I have a deal you might be interested in.

Jeez, what is this, Grand Central Station?

I'm sorry about the intrusion girls, but we have to talk.

This is Jim Rather, an old friend.

And he needs some volunteers.

For what?

Well, we all know what's legal in this town.

[showgirls laughing]

(Jim) No, nothing quite like that.

Jen here tells me that you all came out here for...

money, fame, excitement.

Even one would be nice.

Jim can get you all three.

If you qualify.

You don't think we qualify?

It will take more than some T and A.

It will be tough and dangerous.

(showgirl) What do we gotta do?

Rob Caesar's Palace?

Nothing quite that simple.

Think about it.

You know, if you're interested...

Think what?

You haven't told us a thing yet.

(Jim) You'll find out everything

as soon as all the qualified volunteers are selected.

I will tell you one thing though.

I'm paying $500 per week, while you're training.

And $25,000 upon your return.

25 grand!

Hey, wait a minute, return from where?

Working here...

would take me how long to make that much?

(another showgirl) About 75 weeks.

Wow.

It's a long time.

Well, what do you think, Elle?

(Elle) I think...

What do we have to do for so much money?

You'll find out everything

as soon as all of the qualified volunteers are selected.

I'm in.

(showgirl in background) Sounds exciting to me.

Hey Meagan, what about some boob job?

[laughing]

[military drums]

Unbeleivable.

Jesus, would you look at that?

It's a military community, Sergeant.

I often wonder about that myself, Sir.

Look at this.

It's hot out here.

The officer's bar closes in an hour.

You get my drift, Sergeant?

[indistinct chattering]

They sound like a bunch of children.

So, this is the secret training center!

Guess it was used as a special CIA training camp.

Well, Beth, you said you wanted

to be on the bus in the morning.

Yeah, but this sure isn't spring training.

Not exactly Palm Springs either, but for 25 grand...

Hey what are you gonna do with that 25 grand, Billy?

She hasn't got it yet.

You're gonna let them keep us here all day, Sergeant?

Alright ladies, let's settle down.

Alright, you're all here because you volunteered.

And we promised you money and excitement.

But I'm warning you.

It's not gonna be easy.

I'd like to introduce you to your commanding officer.

This is Colonel Balin.

And this is your drill instructor, Sergeant Harth.

We have less than ten days to transform you

from Las Vegas showgirls into expert commando fighters.

During that time, some of you will

be dismissed, some will quit.

Some, if you don't listen to every word I say,

could be seriously injured.

But I'll tell you this.

Those of you that do make it through

are gonna be the best fighters that ever came out of this camp.

And the richest.

If you're having any second thoughts about this,

now's the time to speak up.

The bus hasn't left yet.

Any questions before we start?

Good, move them out, Sergeant!

Right away, Sir.

We're going to move down to the obstacle course now.

When I blow this whistle, I want

you to move through this course

as if you were going through a mine field.

Imagine if those tires were mines

and you touched one of them.

You could lose both legs.

This guy's got a fertile imagination.

[girls laughing]

Gross!

[whistle drill]

Let's move it out!

Let's go! Come on!

[action music]

[action music]

[whistle drill]

[action music]

[action music]

Ladies, no ordinary piece of wood.

But you can if you think you can.

Remember that saying.

I want you to come up.

Each of you can do this, but Jan, I want you to come up.

I want you to concentrate... on putting

your fist right through this wood,

right into my chest.

Okay, you can do that now.

Take your time and concentrate.

See your hand going all the way through.

Let's go.

Okay now, how did Bruce Lee do this?

[scream]

[showgirls cheering]

[whistle drill]

[action music]

Ladies, this is a killing instrument.

It's the M16 rifle now being used around

the world in more wars than we need.

You take care of it and it will take care of you.

Now when we get out on the range,

you'll be given four rounds of ammo

to zero your weapons in with.

Never, I repeat, never point your weapon at anyone,

Unless you intend to kill them.

An unloaded gun has killed a lot of innocent people.

Always keep this weapon pointed downrange.

Any questions?

(all showgirls) No, Sir!

(Sergeant Harth) Alright, then let's move out.

Red team first,

Now move, move, move, move, move, move, move!

Now remember, squeeze those rounds off slowly.

Okay, on your shoulders.

Ready on the left!

Ready on the right!

Oh, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

What's the problem here?

I can't seem to get it right, officer.

Uh, well...

Uh... Try it from the hip.

[action music]

[whistle drill]

Commence firing!

Cease fire!

[gunshot]

I told you never to point that weapon anywhere but downrange.

Do you understand!

You don't do a thing until you're

instructed! Do you understand? Huh? Do you?

Yes, Sir!

Bastard.

[gunshots]

[cheering]

Alright.

That's enough for today.

Ladies, I got the permission to

use the officer's swimming pool.

I want you all to change into your swimwear.

In a few minutes, we'll call you back

out and tell you who has been selected.

Alright?

Fall out!

[screams]

Alright!

[screaming and laughing]

Hey Jan, when will we go for some action?

Yeah and who turns back into a showgirl?

Hey, you'll all be a better showgirl for this.

Bang, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

We could really use that in our new number.

Huh, especially the target practice.

Oh well, it was a nice vacation.

A nice paid vacation if nothing else.

Well, I had a wonderful time at it.

Oh and it had a wonderful time with you.

(showgirl in pool) Yeah, those guys

can't keep their eyes off you.

I hope watching you made them overlook our mistakes.

You know what, it served a useful purpose after all.

I always serve a useful purpose.

(showgirl in pool) Yeah, a couple of them.

I'm kinda sorry it's all over with now, you know?

Now that I got my body back in shape.

Now what do I do?

Oh, you can always join the real

army if this one won't take you.

Jan, if we're not selected, can we still get our old jobs back?

With all this training, if they

won't give us our old jobs back,

we'll just go in and take them back.

(all showgirls) Yeah!

I sure hope I'm one of the lucky ones to get selected.

After what we've been through, I wonder if

it's the lucky ones who get turned down.

Hey, I'm gonna be really pissed if I don't get picked.

You would have the 25 grand already spent.

Yeah, at least we're getting a rest

from the bump and grind crowd.

You call that a rest?

Where's your head at?

(Jim) Alright ladies, let me have your attention.

Quiet down girls!

He's gonna read the list.

Quiet!

(Jim) Because of the delicacy of this mission,

I'm going to read the selected girls by their first name only.

Of course, Jan, you'll be the leader.

[cheering]

(Jim) The next are...

Billy.

Alright!

(Jim) Beth.

Alright, Beth!

Yay!

(Jim) Gale.

[cheering]

Oh, well!

(Jim) Tina.

Alright!

(Jim) Meagan.

Aah! Woo-hoo!

It was nothing...

(Jim) Chrissy.

Well, just like that!

(Jim) Karen.

Oh!

(Jim) Those of you not selected, we wanna thank you

with a bonus of $1,000 a piece.

And, of course, the possibility of selecting

some or all of you on our next mission.

I can't understand why they passed me by.

Neither can I Mary, neither can I.

Yeah, hi Mister Ambassador, how was the flight?

(Mark) I'm in Vegas aren't I?

Yeah, well, I hope the hotel is treating you right.

(Mark) Never mind that.

I want to know what progress is being made with your scheme

to rescue Jack. -Well, everything is going well so far.

Just give me one more day and I'll

be able to show you the entire plan.

And then, you'll be able to see our secret weapon.

(Mark) I see.

Right.

(Jan) Hell Squad, Hell Squad, we're the best!

(all girls) Hell Squad, Hell Squad, we're the best!

(Jan) You'll never put us to the test!

(all girls) You'll never put us to the test!

(Jan) We're a hell of a fighting machine!

(all girls) We're a hell of a fighting machine!

(Jan) We are tough and goddamn mean!

(all girls) We are tough and goddamn mean!

(Jan) A Hell Squad girl's gotta a lot of sass!

(all girls) A Hell Squad girl's gotta a lot of sass!

(Jan) If you mess with her, she'll kick your ass!

(all girls) If you mess with her, she'll kick your ass!

(all girls) If you want a job well done!

(all girls) Call for Hell Squad, cause we're number one!

[dramatic horn]

According to the Geneva Convention,

we are obligated to give you food and water once a day.

So here's your food.

And here's your water.

Bon appétit!

[evil laugh]

What is this, some kind of cruel joke?

You bring me half of Las Vegas showgirls.

You tell me they can get my son out?

Mark, it's no joke!

It's all we've got left.

These girls are commando trained.

Each one of them is an expert in their field.

Karate, marksmanship, demolitions.

Mark, you said yourself that no one else

would lift a finger to help us on this.

It's all we've got left.

A bunch of showgirls or whatever?

That's their cover.

Show me.

Hey, hey, what's going on?

How much?

[phone ringing]

(Jim) Jan.

You and the girls meet me downstairs

at the Antique Auto Show.

The Auto Show?

How can we talk there?

(Jim) We have plenty of time.

The place doesn't open until 9:30.

Uh, be there in ten minutes.

But we're not ready.

(Jim) Wear what they have on.

Now, move it!

This is amazing.

What are we doing here?

I don't know, but I'm sure that it's very important.

Okay, by now you all know Ambassador Stewart's son

has been kidnapped by terrorists.

Our sources in the Middle East inform us

that he's being held somewhere near the Syrian border.

The problem is we don't know exactly where.

What do they want with his son?

(one of the showgirls) Yeah, I understand

snatching the Ambassador, but why his son?

(Jim) To force the Ambassador to give them a secret fuel

to be used in the neutron bomb.

You see, by kidnapping the Ambassador,

they know our government is not going to give in to extortion.

So, that would be futile.

They'd get nothing.

But by grabbing his son, they hope

to force him to get what they want.

But what if they can't pull this off, then what?

(Jim) Well, they said his son

would be sent back to us in bits and pieces. -That's a hell

of a lot to expect from a handful of Las Vegas dancers.

Yeah, what a responsibility.

(Jan) We're not just Las Vegas dancers.

We're trained commandos.

Even so, our lives are really gonna be on the line, huh?

Suddenly, 25 grand doesn't look so great.

Look, we knew we weren't training

to become camp counsellors when we signed up.

So let's go on with it.

Go ahead, Jim.

Okay, you're booked as Las Vegas dancers in a club

in Karajan. Now your uniforms, vehicles and weapons

will be delivered to you by friends.

You will receive instructions by phone as to possible

locations where Jack might be held prisoner.

Your mission, Miss Richards,

now that you've decided to accept it

is to take that location at any cost and free him.

Are we going to have to kill people?

No, we just fire point blank.

If they fall down and die, then that's their problem.

(Jim) Now once you get to location, if Jack is not there,

you're to pick up any vehicles, weapons, ammunition

that you can find for future assaults.

If Jack is there, there will be a plane waiting for you

at an airfield just outside of Karajan.

Now it's only going to be there for four days.

On the fourth day, it leaves at 10 am.

And what if we don't find him?

Well, I guess you'll have to miss the plane.

You know Jim, you're all heart.

Look, there's a lot at stake here.

I've got my job to do and you've got yours.

There's not a lot of room for compassion.

So I've noticed.

Okay girls, come on.

Let's get our gear and take off.

Bye Jim.

Good luck.

Jan.

Yes.

Good luck.

[suspense music]

I'm bushed.

Really, what an exhausting flight.

[oriental music]

[Arabic music and singing]

Wow!

If I would've known hotels looked like this in this

part of the world, I would have visited here long ago!

It's the British influence,

otherwise we'd be staying in tents.

Don't get too enthusiastic.

This might be the only luxury we see while we're here.

I could just sleep for days.

Wake me up when the war is over.

Don't take up too much room there.

There's nine of us and only five beds.

So this might not prove to be the

Imperial Palace in Las Vegas,

but instead, the downtown Y.

Aren't you guys forgetting something?

What's that?

The bedroom!

Hey, a tub, a tub!

Alright!

There's enough room in here for all of us.

I'd rather be in there with all men.

[laughing]

Oh, all men!

So what do we do, take turns?

Well, I read on the plane over here

that there's a water shortage.

Plenty of oil in this country, but little water.

So I suggest we fill the tub and all get in at once.

Hey, I've got some real sexy bubblebath.

I think I hear the telephone.

I think you're right, it is the telephone.

I wonder who it's for.

It's gotta be for one of us.

What if it's an obscene phone call?

[laughing]

[phone ringing]

Of course, there is one way to find out.

Yeah, well, somebody could answer it.

Well, say, that's right, somebody could answer it.

Answer it.

Jan, you answer it.

You're our leader.

Not right now, I'm not.

Jan, remember all that hope you layed on us back in the States.

Well, now you're copping out.

Alright, alright!

A girl can't even get a few minutes of relaxation

without you creeps needling her.

[laughing]

[phone ringing]

Now we have more room.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Yes, this is she.

Ksmal.

The jeeps will be where?

Oh yes, I understand.

Could you spell the name of that last city for me?

K. S. M. A. L.

At 5 am.

5 am in the morning?

Understand?

Yes, we'll be there, ready for battle.

Right.

Jan?

Who was it?

It was this rich oil sheikh who wanted to take us all to dinner

and give each one of us a diamond necklace

if we met him downstairs in five minutes.

[cheering]

[throat clearing]

Hey, hey, it was just a little Arabic joke girls.

Yeah, well, this is just a little sprinkle joke.

[screaming]

[epic music]

[epic music]

[indistinct chattering in Arabic]

[action music]

Let's go!

[guns firing]

[glass shattering]

Why aren't we entering the side?

Because we can't go through the middle of the hotel

with our uniform on, can we?

Come on, you know what I want?

A cold drink and a hot bath.

Plus a glass of wine.

You know, If it wasn't for knowing

that somewhere they're holding

and maybe even torturing the Ambassador's son

I just couldn't keep on shooting men.

I can.

I could close my eyes and turn it in

a shooting gallery we used to have back home.

You girls just don't know how to handle excitement.

Isn't this our cue to jump in the bathtub, men?

Yeah, let's go.

If I didn't know that tub was waiting for me when I got here,

I don't know.

Such is the life of a commando.

[phone ringing]

(Jan) Yes, this is she.

No, no sign of the son.

Where?

Well, I hope you have better luck locating Jack tomorrow.

Alright, yes I have it.

Right.

Tomorrow, 5 am, we'll be there.

[suspense music]

[suspense music]

Great.

This isn't anything like the tank we trained on.

Now what?

Don't worry, I'll figure this thing out.

Alright, rotate left.

I've got them in my sights.

Okay, make a big bang.

I always do, honey.

Yahoo!

It's a direct hit!

Let's go!

[gun fire]

Near the jeeps, go that way!

Watch out, you're driving on the animal dump!

Look out, watch where you're going!

Alright, it's okay.

It's a good thing you didn't hit that half ass.

[gun fire]

[epic music]

[cheering]

We did it!

We did it alright girl!

[indistinct chattering]

[jazzy music]

Cheers.

[phone ringing]

Yes, this is me.

Look, whoever you are, we raided and killed dozens of Arabs

and none of them seem to be terrorists.

Nor do they have any idea of where our Stewart son is.

No, we can't go tomorrow.

You have to cancel the club.

They're already getting suspicious.

Alright, I'll wait for your call.

And the directions better be right.

[belly dancing music]

Nice to see you.

I guess I better start greeting the little bastards.

You had better watch what you say.

One day, one might understand you.

Yes, words of endearment, my little darling.

Besides, we always talk like that

to one another in the States.

I just bet you do.

Well, how are you tonight, you rancid sacks of soot.

[laughing]

Oh, we got a great show for you lame brain idiots tonight!

[speaking in Arabic]

Of course!

Listen, drink up, drink up, you scum bums.

I need all the money I can get so I

can get out of your stinking country!

[speaking in Arabic]

Nice seeing you guys.

[cheering]

[cabaret-style music]

[speaking in Arabic]

Oh, I'll drink to that!

Yes, Sir!

[cheering]

[coins dropping]

You know, in the finale number, it's a kick, pas de bourrée

and then a turn.

No, no, no, no!

It's a kick, a ball change and two turns.

A kick, a ball change and then two turns?

And don't worry, nobody is looking at your feet, anyway.

I'm looking at my feet.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Be in Lebanon Heights at twelve.

[action music]

[action music]

[laughing]

(Jan) I wanna make a toast.

Here's to Hell Squad!

[cheering]

(Jan) Hell Squad, Hell Squad, we're the best!

(all girls) Hell Squad, Hell Squad, we're the best!

(Jan) Don't ever put us to the test!

(all girls) Don't ever put us to the test!

(Jan) Woh, woh!

(all girls) Woh, woh!

(Jan) Woh, oh, oh!

(all girls) Woh, oh, oh!

[cheering]

[phone ringing]

Hello Jan, follow my directions precisely.

Be there!

We'll be there.

[action music]

[action music]

Oh yeah, that's fine, are you kidding me?

[sighs]

[slow oriental flute]

(armed man) Get up

[screaming]

[suspense music]

[oriental music]

[speaking in Arabic]

I want to thank you all for visiting me today.

(Jan) Visiting you?

You slob, you kidnapped us at gunpoint at our hotel.

How you got here isn't important.

You're here.

And now, I suppose you want to know why you're here, yes?

Because I want to know why you're in my country.

I don't believe you are only dancers!

I want to know what you are doing here. Spying?

[tiger roaring]

Cat got your tongues, huh?

Well that cat is going to get more than your tongues

if I don't get answers!

[tiger roaring]

Hold.

[tiger roaring]

Hold.

Release one of them and bring her over here.

[growling]

This cat eats once a week.

On... Tuesdays.

And what is today everyone?

Saturday!

No, it's Wednesday, it's Wednesday.

[indistinct yelling]

Now who sent you?

Joe sent us.

Uh... Joke?

No, Joe Hastings from the William

Morris Agency sent us here.

We're dancers!

We dance at the Adhal Casino every

night at the 9 pm dinner show

and at the midnight show.

Showtime!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Da dum dee dum dum dum, whoo!

I don't believe you're only dancers.

Several of my men were killed in my West Tower

by a group of female commandos.

Do we look like soldiers?

Do we have guns?

I'm not wrong.

I'm never wrong!

It must be you!

I am correct?

I'll feed each one of you to the tiger.

One by one until I get the truth!

[tiger roaring]

Aaah!

[epic music]

Jan!

Behind you!

Look out!

Tell us where they're holding Ambassador Stewart's son.

(the Shiek) Get that cat off of me!

You better tell us where

Ambassador Stewart's son is first.

And you better talk fast because I think

that the next bite is going to take your head off.

The dungeons of Amahl's Villa!

Amahl's Villa!

Now get her off of me!

Help!

Bon appétit kitty.

I'd give anything for a beer.

I think I'm gonna faint.

Look, there's tire tracks!

There's gotta be a road somewhere.

Oh, so what?

There will be no one on it!

Probably some chariot tracks from 200 BC.

Do you realize that we could die of dehydration out here?

Even lack of water!

Well, what do we do, Jan?

We've only got about six more hours to live.

Yeah Pauline, get us out of this peril.

Okay, well we can't walk.

No shit!

It's probably a sheep.

I wonder what it is!

Déja-vu!

I saw the same scene in Lawrence of Arabia.

It turns out to be an Arab who

shoots the man who was watching him.

Come one!

Let's get the hell out of here! And go where? Huh?

Well, we can't just stand here and be slaughtered.

Did you make out what it is yet?

I can see several heads and huge bodies.

Elephants.

Out here, in the desert?

They're camels!

They sure are!

How are we gonna fit nine girls on three camels?

A couple could ride on ahead and get help.

No, I think we should all stick together.

[speaking in Arabic]

Where's your telephone?

[speaking in Arabic]

Can it carry all of us?

Say, where can a girl get a cold drink around here?

[speaking in Arabic]

Is that water in that bag?

Sure it is, let's have a drink.

Ewww!

- What is it Tina? - It's camel piss.

This guy is taking his camels to

the doctors with their specimen.

Give me that!

What is it?

It's only warm water in goat-skin bags! Sure

it tastes terrible, but at least, it's water.

I'd rather dehydrate.

Want some?

We will, we will.

Mmm.

Give it to me.

[speaking in Arabic]

Maybe we should follow him.

It might lead us to civilization.

It could be days!

No, we can't go on much further.

A car, a car!

[suspense music]

[screaming]

Can you give us a ride?

[speaking in Arabic]

How far is the nearest city?

[speaking in Arabic]

We're going to the Phoenicia Hotel.

Please, take us to the city!

Yeah, please take us?

Oh my God!

Where these beautiful girls come from?

My goodness!

Come on over with me.

I'll take you, I make lot of money on you. Come on!

Let's go!

[cheering]

[sigh]

[telephone ringing]

Not even interested.

You better come up with the right answer this time, buddy!

For example, where is Amahl's Villa?

(man on the phone) Amahl's Villa?

Yeah, we think that's where they're holding

the Ambassador's son.

(man on the phone) Amahl's Villa is on the lake Kajmal.

Well, how do we get there?

(man on the phone) Swim!

You think it's safe telling this

guy where Stewart's son might be?

What if he's not on the level

and he's using us to locate the son so that he can grab him?

You're right.

Then we better act fast!

Come on girls, get up!

It's an emergency!

Come on, get up! Let's get going!

We think we found out where Stewart's son is!

Yeah, come on, but we have to get there by morning.

Come on!

Come on, girls, we have this.

Wear swimwear and snorkels!

Come on girls, and we gotta...

Get up, damn it!

Come on!

Ok.

[action music]

[action music]

What are we stopping for?

I'm reading this huge sign!

There is no huge sign.

No shit, Sherlock!

We are lost.

Didn't we get a map or road instructions?

No, this isn't a public expedition.

They didn't tattoo it on my ass.

At least if you had it, we'd have it now.

Yes, we would, wouldn't we?

What's going on?

Why did you stop for?

We are lost.

We're not lost.

We're heading in the right direction.

Well, couldn't you have figured

this out back at the hotel room?

No, I left my atlas at home, thank you.

Come on girls, let's just keep going.

It's gotta be this direction.

Yeah, it's gotta be around the bend.

Let's go Karen.

Come on, let's go.

Let's just keep trying.

Come on.

Come on, get the led out.

Let's go!

[action music]

Well, I don't see anything yet.

Do you see anything yet?

No, I don't see anything yet.

Do you see anything yet?

I don't see anything yet.

Do you see anything yet?

I don't see anything yet.

Keep driving, we don't see anything yet.

The lake! The lake!

Where?

There it is!

Come on!

[action music]

[action music]

Well, where's the transportation to get us out of here?

You're it kid, let's go.

I wonder if there's anything in the water.

Great.

Woohoo, this will wake us all up.

[slow epic music]

Billy, come on!

(Billy) I'm trying, this isn't very comfortable.

Ah, it smells in here!

[moaning]

Hey, it's dark in here.

(Billy) No shit, Sherlock.

Shhh, be quiet!

There are rats down here.

It's wet in here!

I'm trying man, my knees are hurting.

Does this tunnel ever end?

(Jan) Hey, what's holding you guys up?

Oh God!

I thought that was a spider.

Oh God, how did I get myself into this mess?

Be careful up here you guys.

Does anybody know where this tunnel goes to?

[voices in Arabic]

That's what I call a double-header!

[suspense music]

Are you Jack?

Are you Jack Stewart?

It's too late for this guy.

He's dead.

Come on, this is him, let's go!

Come on, come on, hurry up!

Hurry up, come on!

Let's go.

You wanna see another big bang?

Aren't you supposed to light it?

Thought I forgot something.

[epic music]

[cheering]

We gotta go back to the hotel, we gotta pack, we gotta...

Oh will you shut up.

[man speaking in Arabic in transceiver]

[man on ground responding in Arabic]

[man speaking in Arabic in transceiver]

[epic music]

[cheering]

[gunshots]

Come on!

[gunshots]

Aah!

Can't get on!

[gunshots]

Ah, shit!

Girls, come on!

[screaming]

[gunshots]

Let's go, Jack!

The girls are here, Stewart, uh... Mister Ambassador.

Show them in, please, Ann.

Alright.

Remember it's Tuesday.

Is our date on as usual?

Of course.

Okay, great, thanks.

You can go right in.

They're here.

Ah, great.

(Mark) Good show.

Congratulations, thank you so much.

Good show girls, good show.

Thank you so much for getting my son out.

Good show, you girls are really something else.

(Jim) Sit down everybody.

Congratulations, thank you so much.

Well, everything worked out fine.

Here's your money.

Not quite!

At least, not unless you want a repetition of the kidnapping.

Or worse.

(Mark) What does that mean?

Jack is back safe and the girls did a remarkable job.

Yeah, what's all this about, Jan?

Didn't any of you wonder how the

terrorists knew every move we made?

Well, I wondered how we kept getting

fake instructions every night by phone.

Then the next day, we'd go out and wipe out a bunch of Arabs.

But they weren't terrorists.

Then we'd go back to the hotel and get

another phone call from deep-throat

and then, we'd go out another innocent group of Arabs.

Wait, are you saying that one of us is an enemy agent?

That one of us risked all your lives?

That one of us masterminded the kidnapping?

Yes, Jim, that's exactly what I'm saying.

But why?

What would any of us stand to gain?

I don't believe there's any truth in your accusations.

It sounds ridiculous!

I think it's best you leave the subject alone

and be glad everybody got back safely.

Yeah, I agree.

Now this is preposterous.

Now I know you've been under a lot of

Pressure lately and I don't blame you.

But indicating that one of us is an

enemy agent, well, that's gone too far.

He's right, Jan.

You're going off the deep end.

Let's just take our money and get the hell out of here.

You'd like that, wouldn't you Tina?

Take the easy way out.

No more scrapes, no more problems!

Just get our money and get it over with.

Jan, you've flipped.

None of us here is a terrorist.

Uh, Ann, why don't you call the girls a taxi?

Of course.

Yes, why don't you Ann?

Or Antoine.

Or whatever your name is.

Just, back off of me!

Alright, would you let me explain?

[dramatic music]

(girls screaming) Oh my God!

Ah!

Oh God!

Jan?

God!

Why, that two-faced bitch!

Well, how did you know it was Ann or Andy?

It had to be someone in our immediate group.

Quite frankly, Ann or Andy,

was the only one beyond suspicion,

besides yourself, Mister Ambassador.

Well, thanks a lot, Jan!

Really, Jan.

That's really great.

I'm sorry gang,

but thanks to those weird midnight phone

calls, I wasn't even sure of myself.

How did you finally zero in on Ann or... Andy?

When I went to the ladies room,

right after Ann or André had left.

The ladies room?

Yeah, the toilet seat was up.

Well, everybody knows that a man has to

lift the toilet seat to go to the bathroom.

[laughing]

Listen, you girls take Ann or Anthony

downtown to police headquarters.

Okay, come on, let's go.

Wait a minute!

What is your name?

Fred.

But don't you know you'll be executed as a traitor?

Nobody lives forever.

Let's go, come on.

I'm shocked!

It just goes to show you, you can work with a person

and never really get to know them.

[cabaret-style music]

How about a quiet dinner together, son?

To get better acquainted.

I'd like that, dad.

Mind if I... bring a friend along?

Not at all.

In fact, let's bring a few friends along.

How about it Jan?

How about a little dinner and... conversation?

Okay, but give me two years to change.

Ah, come on, Jan, be reasonable.