All language subtitles for episode_3_sydney_mark_s_story

That's a lot of money. I wanted enough
money to possibly not ever have to work

again.

And he said, we're going to have to do
Class A drugs. And I said, yeah, I know.

How can this be legal?

They never asked to see anything. They
just let me walk out the door.

What can go wrong?

Quite a lot, actually.

You're thrown in some stinking jail in
the middle of nowhere. It's not funny

anymore.

What a sort of normal...

routine, run -of -the -mill place,
unfortunately.

But it is.

I didn't want to stay.

Delay levels.

And then it was like, make your mind up
as to what career you're going to do.

It was very much people trying to push
me into doing something that I wasn't

ready for.

I didn't want to settle down, have kids,
get a mortgage.

I didn't want to do that.

I didn't want to be stuck in a boring,
dead -end job in a bank or something.

I wanted to go places and see it all.

But then I met Mary.

Mary was very,

very confident looking. She was very
tall.

Men immediately sort of went like that
when she came in the room. I mean,

everything that you could want about a
girl, you have it.

Very quickly, we set up home. Kind of
all the things that I decided I didn't

want. And yet, Mary was a very
interesting person. I loved being with

had a great time, but we were in
England.

Do you fancy going out for a drink
tonight?

Why don't we just wait till next week?
We've got our paychecks in.

I think that's fair to know. We should
go out and have fun.

I do bar work in the evenings and at
weekends.

I did a cleaning job.

We just never got to the point where we
could even go for two weeks abroad. We

were constantly in debt.

I couldn't feel into it.

Suddenly, Mary's brother comes back from
Taiwan.

He'd come back to England. The sort of
prodigal son returns, I suppose.

He had lots of money.

Hi, sis. Hi.

How are you doing?

I'm good, I'm good. You all right? Other
than that, I didn't know anything about

him. Didn't know what he was doing in
Taiwan.

Nobody knew what he was doing in Taiwan,
in fact. You're looking well.

Yeah, it is. Nothing's changed out here,
is it?

No, unfortunately.

Same old crowd, same old people.

Obviously, you can't help noticing the
fact that we are struggling. We haven't

got loads of money. The furniture's a
bit rough.

God damn, are you even standing on this
couch?

Spring's gone.

It is a bit old.

Should I buy a new one? Yeah, I'd like
to.

There's plenty of other things you'd
have to buy first.

You buy a new house for starters, I
don't know how you guys can stick it

here.

He had large envelopes full of cash, you
know, and he decided, are you guys

needing anything, do you want some
money?

One thousand.

There you go.

Are you taking a piss?

No, mate.

It's yours.

No, no.

Don't be silly.

I've never met anyone who could quite
happily just dish out hundreds of

thousands of pounds without any worries
at all. You know, you're going out with

my sister, both £1 ,000, use it wisely.

Well, yeah, but if we did, we'll have to
pay you back in some way, you know.

We can't just take this off you. Who
cares? It's yours. Take it. Smells nice,

doesn't it?

I mean, even the thousand pounds that
Keith gave us initially was more money

than I was making a month. See you
later, pal.

Bye. Thank you.

Brilliant.

I've never had this much cash in the
hand before.

Mary called him a couple of months later
and he said, well, I can help you.

All expenses paid to Taiwan, you'll pay
for everything.

You will then give us an apartment and
help us find work.

Easy money.

He said, I could pay all those debts off
for you. I could get you a couple of

flights out here to Taiwan as quickly as
you like.

Not making much sense, Keith.

The opportunity to go travelling, to get
out of this boring routine.

Well, I've got to speak to Mark about
it. It was like a golden opportunity. I

wanted to go immediately.

I said, yeah, of course I want to go.

Mark's putting his thumb up and saying,
yeah!

We weren't worried about what he was
doing, how he made all his money. It

occur to us that anything could be
wrong.

He was helping his sister out.

Keith asked us to work out how many
debts we had and give him a figure. And

told him it was around £3 ,000, and he
paid it.

He was quite specific on the travelling
arrangements. He wanted us to buy a

round -the -world ticket. Keith wants us
to go from London into Newark, then

across to Cleveland, then to Los
Angeles, then to Hawaii, and then all

round to Sydney, and then get to Hong
Kong to then get another flight to

And I thought that was a bit...

A bit strange, but he was paying.

Two round -the -world tickets.

How much?

That's fine.

I was getting into the hang of it. Now,
put the phone down, call Keith. It's

going to be 1 ,600 quid.

And he also asked us to buy some decent
luggage to travel with. And if he

thought that we should buy expensive
suitcases with locks, I wasn't going to

argue.

Why would I want to do that?

After that, he was a bit more specific
on the fact that he wanted us to go to

Australia and stop there.

There could be a million reasons why
he's asking us to do this.

It's not a huge problem. I don't, you
know, I don't want to be rude. I don't

want to ask him, you know, start giving
him a hard time. He's paid out all this

money for us.

Hi, Keith, yeah.

Yeah, it's Mark. How you doing, mate?

He then said that he did want us to
collect something for him from

What sort of thing?

I was a little bit worried.

I must admit, that was a little bit
worrying. It got to that point.

OK. It did say to me, it's not drugs.

It's not anything illegal.

Don't worry.

Oh, yeah, that's no worries then.

That was fine from my point of view.
That was all the assurance I needed. I

said, OK, well, if it's not illegal and
we're not going to get in trouble for

it, then whatever.

We were both very happy to be there, and
we just bounced out of that flat, gave

the keys back.

Terminal 1. We had around £2 ,000 in
travelling expenses, but you can't beat

that feeling of having more money than
you need.

We were the happiest people on that
flight, I'll tell you.

Definitely.

What can go wrong?

Quite a lot, actually.

Things change quite quickly.

The best mashed potato made with rich
double cream.

The best pork, blossom honey and whole
grain mustard sausages.

The best onion gravy with red wine and
thyme.

The best...

bangers and mash.

The best range from Morrison's.

Exceptional food for every day.

More even to shop at Morrison's.

My facelift fund.

I'm working towards that. I nearly had
the money for my facelift, but now I've

got the drive needed to do it.

If you haven't been, go!

As a boy, it was his favourite place.

Now. Any chance of a rope or a ladder?
He's going back to discover the only

thing that changed.

Burn in hell. Rot in hell. You're my
hero.

Who turned that? Your lawyer. Was him.

This place doesn't suit my life.

It is your life that doesn't suit this
place.

Russell Crowe. Every one of my memories
takes place within a hundred steps of

this very spot. Are they good memories?

They're grand.

A good year.

You'd think it would make sense.

The less you eat, the slimmer you
become.

Actually, research shows that people who
regularly eat a low -fat breakfast like

Special K are more likely to be slimmer
than those who skip breakfast.

And don't forget, Special K is less than
2 % fat.

Eat breakfast, stay slim with Special K.

I'm leaning over my baby's cot, who's
only three months old and has a fever.

So I've given him some Neurofen for
children, which works where it's needed.

With his little baby thermostat, helping
reduce his temperature, so he'll feel

okay. Neurofen for children.

Nothing reduces fever faster or for
longer.

Mmm, fluffy.

Thank goodness it's dinner time.

Start licking your lips for chips.

Magical chips.

Wonderful chips.

Good.

The last will and testament of Mr.
Moore.

I, Frank Moore, being of sound mind and
body, do hereby leave all my worldly

wills to Miss Sophie Ann Fox.

Uh -oh!

Red Bull gives you wings.

In 2005, extraordinary people met
Juliana Wetmore, the girl born without a

One year later, we returned to witness a
pioneering operation that could offer

Juliana hope for a better life.

Building a New Face, 9 o 'clock next
Monday on 5.

We spent the next ten days having fun in
Australia, living it up.

We were in love again. We were like a
couple of kids, giggling, and we were

so happy. No responsibility, no worries,
no money problems. We had more money

than we could possibly spend in two
weeks.

We just did whatever we fancied, like
that.

Taxi, we want to go somewhere. How much?
$50?

No worries.

Excuse me? We just went out and ate in
restaurants, every meal.

English breakfast, yeah, I mean, that
is, I think, one of the life's little

luxuries if you can pay for breakfast,
you know.

You don't have to worry about housework,
cooking, washing up. That was

brilliant. It really was.

Playing by the pool, getting drunk in
the middle of the day.

Let's have another beer, let's get
drunk. It's only two o 'clock in the

afternoon, but who cares?

We're out, we're doing it, we're
enjoying ourselves, we're in the sun in

Australia.

Nothing could go wrong.

Nothing, we thought.

So we got to the end of the holiday.

Keith said to us that the night before
we were going to leave and get on the

plane, somebody would come to the hotel
and they would drop off what it was that

he wanted us to bring back.

We had no name. He didn't tell us what
time he was going to turn up. He just

said, make sure you're in all that
evening.

It was

around

about 10 o 'clock at night. It was quite
late.

There was a knock on the door.

And we were both thinking, is this room
service? Is this the guy?

And I went to the door, opened it, and
there was this fairly sort of tattly

-dressed guy.

And he just said,

Michael Maron? Yeah.

I'm standing there with this bag.

So this is what we'd been waiting for.
This is the time where we thought,

what is it that we're dealing with?

And there was a book or a magazine or
something just on the top of the bag.

I went to the bed and just upended the
bag.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

We counted it. There were bundles of...

10 ,000, I think, 250 ,000 Australian
dollars in cash. It's the most

money I've ever seen in my life.

Fucking hell, that's a lot of money.

And we were desperately worried about
where he got all this money from.

It looks very much like it's drug money.

How can this be legal?

Blame me, isn't it?

Initially, I said, well, if there's
anything that's remotely dodgy, I'm

put it in my suitcase because I don't
want you to get into trouble. I know

your brother, but I'll take it, whatever
it is. But it wouldn't all fit. There's

no way I could get that much money in my
suitcase and not make it obvious. You

know, there had to be stuff around it.

So we ended up having to use both the
suitcases.

It's too late to back out now. We're
leaving tomorrow.

We're going to get on the plane and
we're going to go to Hong Kong.

We've got to do it.

We had just a few hours sleep.

We had the bags that were already
packed.

We did not leave these suitcases
unattended for even a second.

And I realized why it was that the
keeper asked me to buy them.

With that amount of money in them, they
needed to be sturdy. They needed to have

a lock.

And to a certain extent, I was glad that
we had bought them because I wouldn't

have felt safe carrying that sort of
money in a rucksack.

When we got to the airport, about to
leave Australia, all

around the airport there were warning
signs that we were going to take out.

roughly 240 ,000 more dollars than we
were supposed to.

I then went back to Mary sitting in the
coffee shop and said, well, look, this

is the rule and this is the one that
we're breaking.

We're not talking about drugs after all
or exotic animals or anything. We're not

doing anything really wrong. We're just
taking a bit more money out than we

should. We talked ourselves into it
because we had no choice at that point.

had to do it.

Hong Kong's a free port. They don't care
what we have in our suitcase.

So really, as long as we took off from
Australia, we were going to be okay.

The most worrying bit was checking your
luggage because then it was out of our

hands.

Every bit of luggage gets x -rayed.

We knew it was a risk that we were going
to have to take.

And then we just had to wait until the
flight took off and that was just

endless.

On that plane, I was still expecting,
even when the door shut, I was still

expecting police cars to come around
from all directions and get off the

And as we were taking off, I

thought, OK, we're taking off, but they
could turn the plane around and we could

land again.

And eventually we got over and out of
Australian airspace and then I suddenly

went, we've done it, we got away with
it. The luggage is on board,

cool. All we've got to do is land in
Hong Kong and we're fine.

That was probably the best feeling of
the holiday.

That was like, Christ, we got away with
it.

When we arrived in Hong Kong, Keith said
to us that he would meet us at his

hotel.

It was around $5 ,000 a night to stay in
this hotel.

It was kind of run -of -the -mill for
him. He's like, yeah, it's quite nice

here. Hey.

Welcome to Hong Kong.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

He was smiling,

we were smiling, we were relieved.

It was all kind of hugs and smiles all
round.

Did you have a good flight?

Yeah, it wasn't bad.

Probably one of the most nerve -wracking
flights I've had.

Yeah, I could see that.

Scared of flying?

Keith did then say, you're going to have
to give me all the money and we had to

get it all out.

There should be more, yeah?

OK.

Give us an hand.

We put it in the safe, so he just loaded
a lot of money into there.

Closed it, locked it, end of
conversation about that money. Other

to then say, I'm going to pay you
another £8 ,000 for doing that job for

Eight grand.

Sorry, how much? Eight grand.

Here you go. That's for you.

Take it, bend it, enjoy it.

That's for you.

You look a bit better now, both of you.
Yeah. You look a bit nicer.

Yeah. I feel much better now. I thought
you might.

Listen, there's two Pantos Suites in
this place. Why don't you book the other

one?

Yeah.

Possibly. I've never earned £8 ,000. I
mean, £8 ,000 is about what I earn in a

year. See you guys in a couple of hours,
yeah? I'll buzz you. We'll meet down in

reception, yeah?

We'll give you a call.

Yeah.

Nice one. Cheers for that, mate.

Thanks for that, mate. Cheers.

But when we get to Taiwan, that's it,
we're making a bow, OK? Yeah, yeah,

No more dodgy stuff. Like, he's going
that way, we're going that way. We were

not going to do anything else for him,
for any of his friends, anybody.

Oh, I just can't believe we did that.

And then we started talking about going
to Taiwan. The conversation about the

money was over.

We were not going to mention it again.

Landing in Taipei and driving through
the city, it was chaotic.

As we then started going up into the
mountains, it was obviously then

more peaceful, quiet, picturesque, lush
green mountains in a tropical country.

And I just thought, this is... Yeah,
this is it.

This is the life.

It doesn't get any better than this.

How many people at home are seeing this?

They're just going to the local pub and
walking on those dreary grey roads with

grey houses over a grey sky.

I was totally ecstatic.

Keith. got us an apartment. It was a
lovely place, a very quiet little

full of Taiwanese peasants.

We've got this huge nest egg of money.

We had a great time.

I was very happy. I think at that point
Mary was not sure being in that sort of

country and I said to her, give it a
couple of months and you'll feel better.

kind of fairytale lifestyle started to
look a bit shaky.

The longer we were there, the worse
things got.

And eventually we started to argue.

Mary was almost certain that I was going
to have an affair or I'd had one or I

was planning to have one.

Chinese women used to throw themselves
at Western men all the time because it

was like being a celebrity.

It was nice for me, I enjoyed it, but
Mary was getting kind of a little bit

paranoid then.

This is not what she expected.

And I was trying to tell her that I
wasn't interested in them. Whatever I

it didn't make any difference.

It was inevitable that things were going
to go wrong.

We were rowing about everything.
Everything and everything that you could

possibly row about, we were having a row
about it.

We got to the end of the road.

We went off in different directions to
get separate taxis back home.

So I got a suitcase, put some clothes in
it and went.

We started off on this magnificent
journey, this dream, and suddenly life

shattered.

The only place that I really could go
was one of Keith's friends, Paul.

Paul was involved in drugs.

He was quite open about the fact that he
used to smuggle in cannabis, stuff like

that.

He did mention the fact that if I was
really that short of money and I wanted

make a lot, there was a business that
was worth getting involved in. And I

the sort of profits that were going to
come from that from what I'd already

done.

It started to look like it was...

the answer to all the problems I had at
that point.

Stuck in a foreign country with no
money, no job, no income, no way of

home, no return ticket.

It just seemed like instant fix.

Hanging from a pine tree by my knees,
sunshine through the shade. Nobody knows

what it's all about.

Too much, man. Let it all hang out.

Let it all hang out.

Let it all hang out.

Brewed with citrus hop for an effortless
taste.

New Foster's Twist. Let it all hang out.
Laid -back lager.

You coming too, Jason?

Suppose. Have you discovered Iceland's
amazing value?

Kerry, have you seen this?

Curry for a quid.

And garlic, Kiev.

Kieran, get another trolley.

It's their time in Iceland.

They must have got these prices wrong.

Quick, fill up the trolley while I
create a diversion.

Iceland's clear -cut prices mean great
value all year round. And because we

our prices simple, there'll be no -nots
to be surprised if at the checkout...

That's why Mum goes to Iceland. He's not
the good.

Enjoy the goodness of olive oil every
day.

The Tolley Spread.

Hi, I'm Nick, and I'm quitting with Nick
Whitten lozenges.

Could have done with a cigarette several
times already.

I'm going to have one of these and
hopefully help me out. Today I've

found a couple of moments quite hard. My
colleagues as well, they've given up

smoking today. And they're going cold
turkey and they're actually going mad at

the moment. Very happy to have given up
smoking.

It's getting a lot of other people I
know near me and that I care for,

thinking about it and think, you know,
if Nick can give up, then maybe I can

give up.

Yeah, I like that. Be strong and quit
with nicotine.

In 2005... And the award goes to... They
conquered Broadway.

The History Boys.

The History Boys.

The History Boys.

Who else knows about this?

Now, they're coming to the big screen.

Really?

The History Boys.

There's loads of saturated fat in a bag
of Walker's crisps, isn't there? What do

you reckon? 95 % of your guideline daily
amount?

Well, the truth is, there's only 5%.
Just

thought you'd like to know.

Are you thinking about quitting smoking?

You're twice as likely to succeed with
nicotine lozenges compared to willpower

alone. Be strong and quit with nicotine.

Step out of the office, Dad.

It's called overtime, not all the time.

So sit down at Pizza Hut for the new
Cheesy Bites Pizza.

28 cheeseheads with beautiful toupees of
garlic butter.

Play with them, rip them, squeeze them.

Yes! This party's for the kids! The 9
-year -old, the 12 -year -old, and the

-year -old! Come on, Dad!

Unleash the happiness!

I wanted enough money to possibly not
ever have to work again, to travel, to

maybe invest in buying a house back in
England.

I wanted something that was going to set
me up for life, not something that was

just going to keep me going for a little
while.

We're sitting outside, smoking dope as
usual.

And I said to Paul, Let's do a deal and
make ourselves a decent amount of money.

Are you sure?

Yes. And he immediately understood that
we were going to have to get involved in

something which was going to be a little
bit more dangerous and a little bit

more dodgy. But the payoff was
completely different.

We're talking, you know, half a million
dollars.

And he said, we're going to have to do
Class A drugs. And I said, yeah, I know.

And that was pretty much the crux of...
That conversation.

It was no longer than two weeks after I
split up with Mary.

I was on a plane to San Francisco to do
this job.

Neither one of us were particularly keen
to deal with heroin. It mostly came

from Thailand.

We all knew about the risks of going to
Thailand, trying to leave with large

quantities of...

of Class A narcotics, and we weren't
really keen to get involved in that.

However, cocaine is easily available in
the United States.

We wanted to take it to Australia.

We're talking about Western countries.

We're not talking the death penalty,
basically. We were looking at what could

happen, worst -case scenario.

I checked into an ordinary run -of -the
-mill motel in San Francisco.

I was a little bit nervous, I was a
little bit scared, but I was also quite

excited and I felt in control of my
life.

Somebody was going to come to my room.

They were going to drop off a parcel.

It kind of got like strangely familiar.

Inside the bag was a solid block of
cocaine.

And I'd never seen that amount of drugs
before in my life. And it was jaw

-dropping kind of surprise.

Bloody hell.

I did start to use it. This was
fantastic. Made you feel great. Only for

an hour. You'd have to have some more.

And there was so much of it, it never
seemed like it was ever getting any

smaller. I was getting through several
grams in a day.

I have a line for breakfast. I know,
I'll go and have a beer by the pool. A

couple of lines. What? Cup of tea and
another line.

It was like taking on the gangster
persona.

Scarface was sitting in the jacuzzi like
this. I had loads of money, again.

I had loads of Class A narcotics.

Things were looking up again.

As the week went on and I was doing more
of this stuff, it seriously started to

affect me mentally. I almost totally
shut myself in my room.

I got totally paranoid about the whole
situation.

Helicopters were going overhead, spying
on me. I felt everyone knew what I was

doing.

And I just did more and more Charlie.

I was getting ready to leave and I
decided that the safest way

of smuggling anything is to swallow it.

You have to wrap all the drugs very well
in case they burst.

I dipped the condom in maple syrup and
swallowed it or tried to swallow it.

Eventually I managed to force one down
and then another one and then another

one. By the end of the night I'd eaten
67.

But that still left me with probably
around half the stuff still unwrapped.

It was too much stuff.

The morning of the day I was going to
go, I came up with a rather rash,

improvised plan.

I taped the rest of this stuff.

around me.

I thought, well, I should have done this
in the first place. And I was now

actually a little bit worried about
having swallowed 67 condoms full of

because there was enough cocaine in
there to kill me a number of times.

I definitely started to feel a bit
mentally unbalanced, I suppose.

I wasn't confident of Paul's ability to
get rid of it. He promised me that we

could.

We had no contact in Australia and
things were looking suddenly a bit less

arranged than they had when we started.

I just wanted it to be over.

It was very easy to leave the United
States.

I didn't have to go through any official
immigration.

There were no customs.

It was then that I had to deal with a 16
-hour flight, which was probably the

hardest bit of it, actually.

I'd been up all night eating these
things. I started feeling quite sick

I had 67 condoms inside which were not
being digested. I was uncomfortable

because I had this stuff strapped around
my middle and I started to suffer

withdrawal symptoms.

And I had a line of coke for about...

six, seven hours at that point. I was
starting to feel a little bit seedy.

I was very tempted to get up and go to
the toilet and have a line of Charlie,

which in fact is what I did.

I just remember that. I had a line of
Charlie on a plane. Fuck, how stupid was

that?

So arriving in Sydney, I was really
emotionally drained, physically drained.

I got to immigration.

I just wanted this guy to look at my
passport and then let me go to customs.

The guy in the booth looked at me.

That was just endless.

Could you give it to Australia today,
sir?

I'm just into importing and exporting
crafts and handmade goods and things

that.

OK, what are you saying, Australia?

He was basically happy and he said, have
a nice day.

I walked on to the customs hall.

I'm here now. This is it. I'm almost
done.

I was expecting somebody to at least
stop me and have a look through my bag,

it never happened.

They never asked for anything.

They just let me walk out the door.

I was counting my money, already
thinking in my head, you know, I've done

I'm rich. I've made a fortune with this
job. And it's been a nightmare, but I've

made it. I'm here.

I'm free.

So off I tootled towards the door.
Excuse me, sir.

And there are three customs guys
standing away from the others, two older

and quite a young guy, and they were
obviously training him.

One of the older guys said to the
younger guy, do you want to search him?

said, oh, well, maybe, yeah. Yeah, I
could do, couldn't I? Yeah. He said,

it would be good practice for you.

I'm not at all worried at this point.
Maybe a little worried, but I'm quite

confident that my luggage is safe.

He got his little inspection gloves on

and he opened the bag and he took
everything out.

I was taking insane risk at this point
and the things I said to them

weren't awfully a long way from the
truth.

Do you know much about Australia?

Not a lot, but I'm able to learn a bit
more while I'm here. Pick up some of the

tourist guides and stuff like that.

What do you know about Australia?

I know you've got kangaroos here.

I know the weather's much better than it
is over in England.

It is, it is, yeah.

I've been told the Australians are all
very nice, genuine people.

Some are, yeah. Most of them are,
actually.

You didn't find anything?

Not a thing. Not even a porno magazine.

You couldn't find anything that was even
remotely dodgy.

So he said, okay, well, that looks
pretty good.

Yeah, I think that's it. Actually, you
can go.

Okay, so thank you very much. Thank you
for the cooperation. Actually,

just one moment. I want to do a pat
down.

I've got to avoid this somehow.

Oh, I'm actually running quite late now.
I've got a meeting.

I understand, I understand. But just put
your bag down for me. No, I can't,

actually. I mean, I need to go.

To be honest, you're kind of, like,
pushing it a bit now. Just a couple of

minutes. Yeah, I'll search your bag.
Just need to do a quick back down. He

to do it. I can't get around this.

It takes really two minutes. Oh, OK.

Perhaps he might not feel it.

I should get you to lift your arms.
Thank you.

Put your arms down, sir.

Just to ask you a question, sir, do you
have anything around your waist?

Do you have anything around your waist,
sir?

I felt something there, sir.

I bluffed it as far as I could go. There
wasn't anything else I could do.

I just said to him, it's cocaine.

And his jaw just dropped. He didn't know
what to say.

And he said... He said, are you serious?

And I said, yeah, I'm serious. I said,
you're going to find it anyway.

You've already found it. What am I going
to do?

Pretend it's like Beecham's powder or
something. It's cocaine.

I bought a whole load of cocaine from
America.

I'm telling you now, that's what it is.

Maybe it sounds odd to say that it was a
relief to get caught, but I mean, it

was.

There were no deadlines to meet, people
to meet, dodgy deals to do.

I was just dead tired and I just wanted
to sleep. It was finally all over.

The implications of what happened didn't
really sink in. It didn't hit me that

I'd been arrested for trafficking
narcotics.

I was just in my own little world. It
was like out -of -body experience. It

almost like I was looking down on
myself.

They started telling me that the
quantity which they'd found, which was

something like 700 grams at that point,
including the little bit in my shoe,

which they'd obviously found,

And I said, well, hold on a minute,
guys. There's more than that.

There's another 200 grams, and it's all
in condoms, and it's in my stomach. I've

swallowed it.

And they just panicked like mad.

He told me straight out that...

Yes, he'd swallowed something like 60 or
more condoms of cocaine.

And when I asked him how long he'd had
them inside him, he said 45 hours. And I

was that opinion at that stage that he
was in real need of urgent medical help.

His complexion was changing. He was
changing colour while I was looking at

I thought literally that he was going to
collapse at any time and die in the

interview room.

Something more shocking than how it
ended is how it all began.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The
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Succulent pies filled with Yorkshire
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Norfolk pork braised in Herefordshire
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Wild Scottish venison casserole. But
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You're worth it.

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Down go the ordinaries in carbon
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Down they go, up he goes.

When endurance matters, we can all count
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In a land long ago lived Mama Kinder,
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When the baron laughed at all this fun,
Mama Kinder's unicorn sent him on his

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Going to the bar, I presume.

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It's the last one.

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They immediately bundled me into an
unmarked police car with four big burly

federal coppers, all armed, and took me
straight to St George's Hospital.

The next thing you know, there's a guy
handing me a clipboard with an operation

consent form on it, and he said, sign
here, or

you're probably going to die.

Then they had to squeeze all the condoms
along one at a time until they came out

of the incision that they'd made.

They were stuck in a narrow part of my
intestine which had been cut in a

previous operation and made smaller.

They weren't going to go through.

If I hadn't been caught, I would have
died.

Basically, getting caught saved my life
because there was no way that these

condoms were going to come out.

I was vaguely aware when I woke up that
there were two guys with me and

immediately I realised that they were
federal police, they were guarding me, I

wasn't going anywhere.

The ramifications of what I'd done, the
fact that I was under 24 -hour guard by

federal police, the fact that they were
armed, even in the hospital, that's when

it started to really kind of hit home
that I was in deep trouble.

I was actually then allowed to speak to
my mother for the first time a month

after I was arrested.

God knows what she went through when she
found out.

I know she was appalled. It's not
appalled, she wasn't angry with me, but

was just so upset that I could have died
doing what I did.

She was upset that I didn't just call
her and say, can you buy me a ticket

home? It was probably one of the things
she was most upset about. She said, why

didn't you ask me for help?

I felt really guilty for that, for that
reason, for putting her through it.

Really guilty.

It was probably the worst bit.

in jail was just awful