Original subtitles

Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host.

Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host.

Everybody, I'm Julian. I'm the host. Thanks for watching. Thank you for

Thanks for watching. Thank you for

Thanks for watching. Thank you for JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful

JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful

JOINING US HERE IN OUR HOME IN beautiful Hollywood of California. We have a lot

Hollywood of California. We have a lot

Hollywood of California. We have a lot of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems

of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems

of things to get to tonight. Uh it seems like we have a lot of things to get to

like we have a lot of things to get to

like we have a lot of things to get to every night. And that that wasn't always

every night. And that that wasn't always

every night. And that that wasn't always the case. Just for fun, I went back. I

the case. Just for fun, I went back. I

the case. Just for fun, I went back. I looked at one of our monologues from

looked at one of our monologues from

looked at one of our monologues from 2011. You remember 2011? It was a

2011. You remember 2011? It was a

2011. You remember 2011? It was a simpler time. These were the topics on

simpler time. These were the topics on

simpler time. These were the topics on our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC

our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC

our show 15 years ago tonight. Uh NBC announced that Christina Aguilera would

announced that Christina Aguilera would

announced that Christina Aguilera would be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay

be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay

be a judge on The Voice. Lindseay Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining

Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining

Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore

the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore

the gang at Celebrity Rehab. A sophomore at BYU was kicked off the basketball

at BYU was kicked off the basketball

at BYU was kicked off the basketball team for having sex with his girlfriend.

team for having sex with his girlfriend.

team for having sex with his girlfriend. And there was a new episode of Jersey

And there was a new episode of Jersey

And there was a new episode of Jersey Shore in which the situation hooks up

Shore in which the situation hooks up

Shore in which the situation hooks up with a girl who seems to have a strange

with a girl who seems to have a strange

with a girl who seems to have a strange odor.

odor.

odor. Now we got war pedophiles and measles.

Now we got war pedophiles and measles.

Now we got war pedophiles and measles. Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the

Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the

Oh my, it's We also have, you know, the weather's different than it used to. It

weather's different than it used to. It

weather's different than it used to. It seems to be a lot colder on the east

seems to be a lot colder on the east

seems to be a lot colder on the east coast and a lot warmer in the west.

coast and a lot warmer in the west.

coast and a lot warmer in the west. We've had we've had such beautiful

We've had we've had such beautiful

We've had we've had such beautiful weather here the last two weeks. I've

weather here the last two weeks. I've

weather here the last two weeks. I've almost been scared to mention I feel

almost been scared to mention I feel

almost been scared to mention I feel like the rest of the country hates us

like the rest of the country hates us

like the rest of the country hates us enough already, but it has been in the

enough already, but it has been in the

enough already, but it has been in the high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as

high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as

high 70s. Been sunny and it has been as cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.

cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.

cold as Melania's heart everywhere else. This is from Rhode Island where even

This is from Rhode Island where even

This is from Rhode Island where even kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so

kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so

kids have had enough of snow. cuz I'm so sick of snow on this.

>> That's what you call an old soul.

>> That's what you call an old soul.

>> That's what you call an old soul. There were primary elections in North

There were primary elections in North

There were primary elections in North Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.

Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday.

Carolina, Arkansas, and Texas yesterday. Democrats are hoping to win their first

Democrats are hoping to win their first

Democrats are hoping to win their first Senate seat in the Lone Star State since

Senate seat in the Lone Star State since

Senate seat in the Lone Star State since 1988. James Terico won the primary there

1988. James Terico won the primary there

1988. James Terico won the primary there last night. He beat out the author of

last night. He beat out the author of

last night. He beat out the author of Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,

Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body,

Bleach Blonde, Bad Built, Butch Body, Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will

Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will

Jasmine Crockett. Uh, Taller Rico will now face the winner of a runoff between

now face the winner of a runoff between

now face the winner of a runoff between the incumbent Senator John Cornin and

the incumbent Senator John Cornin and

the incumbent Senator John Cornin and his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken

his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken

his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.

Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes.

Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes. This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list

This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list

This is Ken P. This guy has quite a list of accomplishments as attorney general.

of accomplishments as attorney general.

of accomplishments as attorney general. He faced 20 different articles of

He faced 20 different articles of

He faced 20 different articles of impeachment. He was indicted for three

impeachment. He was indicted for three

impeachment. He was indicted for three felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.

felonies. He's been sued by the SEC.

felonies. He's been sued by the SEC. He's threatened with disbarment. and his

He's threatened with disbarment. and his

He's threatened with disbarment. and his wife, a woman he started a church with,

wife, a woman he started a church with,

wife, a woman he started a church with, divorced him for cheating with a Senate

divorced him for cheating with a Senate

divorced him for cheating with a Senate aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a

aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a

aid. Oh, you forget the Senate. With a resume like that, you could run for

resume like that, you could run for

resume like that, you could run for president of the United States. Of

president of the United States. Of

president of the United States. Of course, Paxton is tight with Trump

course, Paxton is tight with Trump

course, Paxton is tight with Trump because only the best people Democrats

because only the best people Democrats

because only the best people Democrats fit uh flipped a state legislature seat

fit uh flipped a state legislature seat

fit uh flipped a state legislature seat in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more

in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more

in Arkansas yesterday. That makes more than two dozen seats in various state

than two dozen seats in various state

than two dozen seats in various state legislators. They have flipped since

legislators. They have flipped since

legislators. They have flipped since Trump took office last year. Whereas the

Trump took office last year. Whereas the

Trump took office last year. Whereas the number of seats that have gone from blue

number of seats that have gone from blue

number of seats that have gone from blue to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm

to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm

to red now totals zero nationwide. I'm beginning to see why Trump dislikes

beginning to see why Trump dislikes

beginning to see why Trump dislikes these elections so much. The president

these elections so much. The president

these elections so much. The president got a vigorous stroking at the White

got a vigorous stroking at the White

got a vigorous stroking at the White House today. He had a meeting of

House today. He had a meeting of

House today. He had a meeting of executives from Google, Microsoft,

executives from Google, Microsoft,

executives from Google, Microsoft, Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to

Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to

Amazon Meta, and Open AI who gathered to gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of

gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of

gravel at his feet. If you're the CEO of a big tech company, your schedule seems

a big tech company, your schedule seems

a big tech company, your schedule seems to alternate between partying on a super

to alternate between partying on a super

to alternate between partying on a super yacht and frenching the president's ass.

yacht and frenching the president's ass.

yacht and frenching the president's ass. There's no in between. So, he had the

There's no in between. So, he had the

There's no in between. So, he had the tech bros sign a pledge that says they

tech bros sign a pledge that says they

tech bros sign a pledge that says they will supply their own power for their AI

will supply their own power for their AI

will supply their own power for their AI data centers. Wouldn't it be great if

data centers. Wouldn't it be great if

data centers. Wouldn't it be great if they do it by building like a 100

they do it by building like a 100

they do it by building like a 100 million windmills just to drive Trump

million windmills just to drive Trump

million windmills just to drive Trump nuts? And of course, my favorite part of

nuts? And of course, my favorite part of

nuts? And of course, my favorite part of any White House event is when the

any White House event is when the

any White House event is when the president of the United States attempts

president of the United States attempts

president of the United States attempts to pronounce someone's name. CEO of

to pronounce someone's name. CEO of

to pronounce someone's name. CEO of Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark.

Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark.

Oracle play Mooseoot Quark Moose Quark. Not even close. Not the name you were

Not even close. Not the name you were

Not even close. Not the name you were looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm

looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm

looking for is Mgoric. Uh which now I'm not saying it's an easy name to read.

not saying it's an easy name to read.

not saying it's an easy name to read. Put the name up on the screen so we can

Put the name up on the screen so we can

Put the name up on the screen so we can all see what he saw. But how do you get

all see what he saw. But how do you get

all see what he saw. But how do you get muth work out of that? I'm start bone

muth work out of that? I'm start bone

muth work out of that? I'm start bone spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we

spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we

spurs of the brain. Now, you know, we goof on the president a lot, but the

goof on the president a lot, but the

goof on the president a lot, but the fact of the matter is he knows a great

fact of the matter is he knows a great

fact of the matter is he knows a great deal about tech, about uh computers. In

deal about tech, about uh computers. In

deal about tech, about uh computers. In fact, when it comes to computers, no one

fact, when it comes to computers, no one

fact, when it comes to computers, no one knows more than him.

knows more than him.

knows more than him. >> There's no problem with with computers

>> There's no problem with with computers

>> There's no problem with with computers all over the place and robots, lots of

all over the place and robots, lots of

all over the place and robots, lots of robots.

robots.

robots. >> You know, the reason you use computers

>> You know, the reason you use computers

>> You know, the reason you use computers is to make time so that it's like fast.

is to make time so that it's like fast.

is to make time so that it's like fast. >> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell

>> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell

>> We don't need computers in the sky. Dell computer. Go out and buy a Dell

computer. Go out and buy a Dell

computer. Go out and buy a Dell computer. They're great.

computer. They're great.

computer. They're great. >> All the tech geniuses were there. They

>> All the tech geniuses were there. They

>> All the tech geniuses were there. They they love their computers.

they love their computers.

they love their computers. >> We have the best computer guy there is,

>> We have the best computer guy there is,

>> We have the best computer guy there is, right? We have Elon, my son. I told you,

right? We have Elon, my son. I told you,

right? We have Elon, my son. I told you, Baron, he loves that computer. They're

Baron, he loves that computer. They're

Baron, he loves that computer. They're unbelievable at computers.

unbelievable at computers.

unbelievable at computers. >> He started making computers on his bed.

>> He started making computers on his bed.

>> He started making computers on his bed. >> He said they make love to their

>> He said they make love to their

>> He said they make love to their computer. I said, I don't want to hear

computer. I said, I don't want to hear

computer. I said, I don't want to hear about that.

about that.

about that. >> Everything's computer.

>> Everything's computer.

>> Everything's computer. >> That's right. Everything's computer.

>> That's right. Everything's computer.

>> That's right. Everything's computer. Wait till he hears about phone.

Wait till he hears about phone.

Wait till he hears about phone. Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's

Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's

Everything's phone. So, as the meeting's wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he

wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he

wrapping up, Trump tells the group, he says, "I have to go back and look at the

says, "I have to go back and look at the

says, "I have to go back and look at the war." And he left. Everyone who works

war." And he left. Everyone who works

war." And he left. Everyone who works for him is saying this is not a war.

for him is saying this is not a war.

for him is saying this is not a war. It's not a war. He keeps calling it a

It's not a war. He keeps calling it a

It's not a war. He keeps calling it a war. We're now on day five of whatever

war. We're now on day five of whatever

war. We're now on day five of whatever this is. Pete Hexath today said we're

this is. Pete Hexath today said we're

this is. Pete Hexath today said we're just getting started in Iran. They're

just getting started in Iran. They're

just getting started in Iran. They're still trying to figure out who will be

still trying to figure out who will be

still trying to figure out who will be Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front

Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front

Iran's next top Ayatollah. The front runner is said to be the newly exploded

runner is said to be the newly exploded

runner is said to be the newly exploded Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine

Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine

Ayatollah's son, Mushtaba Kmeni. Imagine your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean,

your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean,

your dad being the Ayatollah. I mean, talk about strict.

talk about strict.

talk about strict. The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to

The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to

The Ayatollah's son. This guy is said to be an even more of a hardliner than his

be an even more of a hardliner than his

be an even more of a hardliner than his dad, which is what a lot of people worry

dad, which is what a lot of people worry

dad, which is what a lot of people worry about. You know, you start bombing

about. You know, you start bombing

about. You know, you start bombing leaders, you wind up with one who might

leaders, you wind up with one who might

leaders, you wind up with one who might be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I

be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I

be even wor. It's a real I hate to say I told you so is what I'm saying. But I

told you so is what I'm saying. But I

told you so is what I'm saying. But I mentioned last night that team Trump has

mentioned last night that team Trump has

mentioned last night that team Trump has been throwing out a wide and conflicting

been throwing out a wide and conflicting

been throwing out a wide and conflicting array of reasons for why they decided to

array of reasons for why they decided to

array of reasons for why they decided to launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran

launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran

launch this attack. Was it to stop Iran from enriching uranium or a longrange

from enriching uranium or a longrange

from enriching uranium or a longrange missiles because Israel was going to do

missiles because Israel was going to do

missiles because Israel was going to do it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or

it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or

it anyway? Was it for regime change? Or maybe it's what Trump's press secretary

maybe it's what Trump's press secretary

maybe it's what Trump's press secretary Caroline Levitt said. It was another

Caroline Levitt said. It was another

Caroline Levitt said. It was another hunch.

hunch.

hunch. >> I think it was important with respect to

>> I think it was important with respect to

>> I think it was important with respect to the timeline. But I think the president

the timeline. But I think the president

the timeline. But I think the president prior to that phone call uh had a good

prior to that phone call uh had a good

prior to that phone call uh had a good feeling that the Iranian regime was

feeling that the Iranian regime was

feeling that the Iranian regime was going to strike uh United States assets

going to strike uh United States assets

going to strike uh United States assets and our personnel in the region.

and our personnel in the region.

and our personnel in the region. >> He had a good feeling about it. What

>> He had a good feeling about it. What

>> He had a good feeling about it. What more do you need? I mean, what why are

more do you need? I mean, what why are

more do you need? I mean, what why are good feelings for him bad for everyone

good feelings for him bad for everyone

good feelings for him bad for everyone else? You know, this is a tough one for

else? You know, this is a tough one for

else? You know, this is a tough one for the gang at Fox News and all the teeth

the gang at Fox News and all the teeth

the gang at Fox News and all the teeth suckers in the right-wing echo chamber

suckers in the right-wing echo chamber

suckers in the right-wing echo chamber because they desperately want to praise

because they desperately want to praise

because they desperately want to praise the president and cheer him on, but they

the president and cheer him on, but they

the president and cheer him on, but they also know that starting a foreign war is

also know that starting a foreign war is

also know that starting a foreign war is the opposite of what he promised their

the opposite of what he promised their

the opposite of what he promised their viewers. It's a tough needle to thread

viewers. It's a tough needle to thread

viewers. It's a tough needle to thread and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host

and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host

and it put Pete Hexath's former co-host Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last

Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last

Will Kaine in a bit of a pickle last night when he interviewed retired

night when he interviewed retired

night when he interviewed retired General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear

General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear

General Jack Keane. It's not 100% clear to me, General. And that's not to

to me, General. And that's not to

to me, General. And that's not to suggest that I don't support 100% what

suggest that I don't support 100% what

suggest that I don't support 100% what is happening, nor that I 100% offer my

is happening, nor that I 100% offer my

is happening, nor that I 100% offer my support. I just think I want to ask a

support. I just think I want to ask a

support. I just think I want to ask a couple of critical questions. And I hope

couple of critical questions. And I hope

couple of critical questions. And I hope you know how much respect I have for

you know how much respect I have for

you know how much respect I have for your service. And I think it goes

your service. And I think it goes

your service. And I think it goes without saying to anybody watching how

without saying to anybody watching how

without saying to anybody watching how much respect I have for the men making

much respect I have for the men making

much respect I have for the men making these decisions.

these decisions.

these decisions. >> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask

>> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask

>> You don't have to patronize me. Just ask the question.

Just when you thought it couldn't get

Just when you thought it couldn't get

Just when you thought it couldn't get more embarrassing to be on Fox News,

more embarrassing to be on Fox News,

more embarrassing to be on Fox News, pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going

pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going

pull your pants down, soldier. I'm going to pink up your ass. And then on the

to pink up your ass. And then on the

to pink up your ass. And then on the other side of the coin, you have Greg

other side of the coin, you have Greg

other side of the coin, you have Greg Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to

Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to

Kelly over on Newsmax, who seems to think that this war is about checking

think that this war is about checking

think that this war is about checking out chicks.

out chicks.

out chicks. Well, that's what Iranian women used to

Well, that's what Iranian women used to

Well, that's what Iranian women used to look like before the Ayatollah Hommani

look like before the Ayatollah Hommani

look like before the Ayatollah Hommani showed up. Could look like that again.

showed up. Could look like that again.

showed up. Could look like that again. I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow. Does he know he's on television?

Does he know he's on television?

Does he know he's on television? Someone really ought to tell him.

Someone really ought to tell him.

Someone really ought to tell him. Meanwhile, the chair of the House

Meanwhile, the chair of the House

Meanwhile, the chair of the House Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is

Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is

Oversight Committee, James Comr, this is the Yokal in charge of the Epstein

the Yokal in charge of the Epstein

the Yokal in charge of the Epstein hearings. After hauling the Clintons in

hearings. After hauling the Clintons in

hearings. After hauling the Clintons in for questioning last week, Comr said

for questioning last week, Comr said

for questioning last week, Comr said they're going to bring in some more big

they're going to bring in some more big

they're going to bring in some more big names, including Bill Gates, not to ask

names, including Bill Gates, not to ask

names, including Bill Gates, not to ask him about Epste. They want to know why

him about Epste. They want to know why

him about Epste. They want to know why one of the richest men in the world

one of the richest men in the world

one of the richest men in the world still gets his haircut at Fantastic

still gets his haircut at Fantastic

still gets his haircut at Fantastic Sams.

Sams.

Sams. One of the names that is not on his list

One of the names that is not on his list

One of the names that is not on his list is Donald J. Trump, even though his name

is Donald J. Trump, even though his name

is Donald J. Trump, even though his name appears in the Trump Epstein files

appears in the Trump Epstein files

appears in the Trump Epstein files hundreds of thousands of times, and even

hundreds of thousands of times, and even

hundreds of thousands of times, and even though key documents related to

though key documents related to

though key documents related to accusations made against Trump by a

accusations made against Trump by a

accusations made against Trump by a young teenage girl have disappeared,

young teenage girl have disappeared,

young teenage girl have disappeared, Comr feels that Trump has been asked

Comr feels that Trump has been asked

Comr feels that Trump has been asked about this enough. We're we're working

about this enough. We're we're working

about this enough. We're we're working with the president. He's turning over

with the president. He's turning over

with the president. He's turning over documents. Thus far, I I'm very

documents. Thus far, I I'm very

documents. Thus far, I I'm very appreciative of of the cooperation with

appreciative of of the cooperation with

appreciative of of the cooperation with the Trump administration, and President

the Trump administration, and President

the Trump administration, and President Trump's answered hundreds, if not

Trump's answered hundreds, if not

Trump's answered hundreds, if not thousands of questions about Epstein.

thousands of questions about Epstein.

thousands of questions about Epstein. Prior to our deposition, I don't think

Prior to our deposition, I don't think

Prior to our deposition, I don't think the Clintons had answered very many

the Clintons had answered very many

the Clintons had answered very many questions. That's right. James Comr and

questions. That's right. James Comr and

questions. That's right. James Comr and his team will leave only one stone

his team will leave only one stone

his team will leave only one stone unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I

unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I

unturned, and that is Donald Trump. I can't figure out how he keeps saying

can't figure out how he keeps saying

can't figure out how he keeps saying this with a straight face. like there's

this with a straight face. like there's

this with a straight face. like there's no difference between asking reporters

no difference between asking reporters

no difference between asking reporters uh questions from reporters and

uh questions from reporters and

uh questions from reporters and answering questions under oath and

answering questions under oath and

answering questions under oath and Congress. They're going to interview

Congress. They're going to interview

Congress. They're going to interview everyone but Epstein's best friend. This

everyone but Epstein's best friend. This

everyone but Epstein's best friend. This is like if they arrested Sig Freed and

is like if they arrested Sig Freed and

is like if they arrested Sig Freed and said nothing to Roy at all. The

said nothing to Roy at all. The

said nothing to Roy at all. The Oversight Committee did vote today to

Oversight Committee did vote today to

Oversight Committee did vote today to subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So,

subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So,

subpoena Attorney General Pam Bondi. So, I guess that's something. Meanwhile,

I guess that's something. Meanwhile,

I guess that's something. Meanwhile, over in the House Judiciary Committee,

over in the House Judiciary Committee,

over in the House Judiciary Committee, they heard testimony from our soon-to-be

they heard testimony from our soon-to-be

they heard testimony from our soon-to-be former Secretary of Homeland Security,

former Secretary of Homeland Security,

former Secretary of Homeland Security, Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a

Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a

Christy Gnome. Chrissy Nome got quite a grilling from members of both sides over

grilling from members of both sides over

grilling from members of both sides over the last couple of days about the

the last couple of days about the

the last couple of days about the hundreds of millions of dollars she

hundreds of millions of dollars she

hundreds of millions of dollars she spent for commercials she starred in,

spent for commercials she starred in,

spent for commercials she starred in, about hundreds of million dollars on

about hundreds of million dollars on

about hundreds of million dollars on private jets, about suspiciously

private jets, about suspiciously

private jets, about suspiciously appropriated funds. There was a lot. And

appropriated funds. There was a lot. And

appropriated funds. There was a lot. And she also repeatedly refused to apologize

she also repeatedly refused to apologize

she also repeatedly refused to apologize to the families of Alex Prey and Renee

to the families of Alex Prey and Renee

to the families of Alex Prey and Renee Good, the two Americans who were killed

Good, the two Americans who were killed

Good, the two Americans who were killed by ICE. Uh she suggested they were

by ICE. Uh she suggested they were

by ICE. Uh she suggested they were domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no

domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no

domestic terrorists. I guess she felt no remorse about that, so she didn't

remorse about that, so she didn't

remorse about that, so she didn't apologize. And then things took a turn

apologize. And then things took a turn

apologize. And then things took a turn for the risque when Gnome was asked

for the risque when Gnome was asked

for the risque when Gnome was asked about a rumored affair with her top

about a rumored affair with her top

about a rumored affair with her top adviser and former Trump campaign

adviser and former Trump campaign

adviser and former Trump campaign manager Corey Luwendowski.

manager Corey Luwendowski.

manager Corey Luwendowski. >> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during

>> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during

>> So Secretary Gnome, at any time during your tenure as director of Department of

your tenure as director of Department of

your tenure as director of Department of Homeland Security, have you had sexual

Homeland Security, have you had sexual

Homeland Security, have you had sexual relations with Corey Loendowski?

relations with Corey Loendowski?

relations with Corey Loendowski? >> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're

>> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're

>> Mr. Chairman, I am shocked that we're going down and pedalling tabloid garbage

going down and pedalling tabloid garbage

going down and pedalling tabloid garbage in this committee today. reclaiming and

in this committee today. reclaiming and

in this committee today. reclaiming and ma'am one thing that I would tell you is

ma'am one thing that I would tell you is

ma'am one thing that I would tell you is that he is a special government employee

that he is a special government employee

that he is a special government employee who works for the white house there are

who works for the white house there are

who works for the white house there are thousands of them in the federal

thousands of them in the federal

thousands of them in the federal government

government

government it is okay for you to be authority

it is okay for you to be authority

it is okay for you to be authority making any decision okay for you to be

making any decision okay for you to be

making any decision okay for you to be authority by the question you should be

authority by the question you should be

authority by the question you should be wanting to answer that question because

wanting to answer that question because

wanting to answer that question because it is not about your senses that you

it is not about your senses that you

it is not about your senses that you have brought it is about your judgment

have brought it is about your judgment

have brought it is about your judgment >> how do you think this goes over when she

>> how do you think this goes over when she

>> how do you think this goes over when she goes home to her husband at how was work

goes home to her husband at how was work

goes home to her husband at how was work today hun anything interesting happened.

today hun anything interesting happened.

today hun anything interesting happened. Here's Christy and her coworker Corey.

Here's Christy and her coworker Corey.

Here's Christy and her coworker Corey. Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans

Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans

Yeah, there you go. Just wearing jeans and having fun. I'm rooting for those

and having fun. I'm rooting for those

and having fun. I'm rooting for those two. I really am. We got some diddy news

two. I really am. We got some diddy news

two. I really am. We got some diddy news today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now

today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now

today. Sean Diddy Combmes is now expected to get out of prison a couple

expected to get out of prison a couple

expected to get out of prison a couple of months earlier. As if the price of

of months earlier. As if the price of

of months earlier. As if the price of oil wasn't already high enough.

oil wasn't already high enough.

oil wasn't already high enough. Apparently, the parole board doesn't

Apparently, the parole board doesn't

Apparently, the parole board doesn't have Netflix. And they have moved up his

have Netflix. And they have moved up his

have Netflix. And they have moved up his release date from June of 2028 to April

release date from June of 2028 to April

release date from June of 2028 to April 2028. And you know what that means? The

2028. And you know what that means? The

2028. And you know what that means? The Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody.

Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody.

Arbor Day freakoff is back on everybody. I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe

I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe

I mean, I I was thinking about it. Maybe Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You

Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You

Diddy could be the next Ayatollah. You know, he does look good with the beard,

know, he does look good with the beard,

know, he does look good with the beard, right? The president, by the way, might

right? The president, by the way, might

right? The president, by the way, might want to think about growing a beard

want to think about growing a beard

want to think about growing a beard because I mentioned last night Trump has

because I mentioned last night Trump has

because I mentioned last night Trump has a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when

a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when

a big red yuck on his neck. Uh just when you thought Melania couldn't find

you thought Melania couldn't find

you thought Melania couldn't find another reason not to sleep with him or

another reason not to sleep with him or

another reason not to sleep with him or maybe she tried to strangle him in his

maybe she tried to strangle him in his

maybe she tried to strangle him in his sleep. I don't know. because the

sleep. I don't know. because the

sleep. I don't know. because the reporters have been asking about the

reporters have been asking about the

reporters have been asking about the White House claimed first they claimed

White House claimed first they claimed

White House claimed first they claimed it was a kite surfing accident and then

it was a kite surfing accident and then

it was a kite surfing accident and then no they've so far refused to give any

no they've so far refused to give any

no they've so far refused to give any detailed explanation of what it is. So

detailed explanation of what it is. So

detailed explanation of what it is. So we decided to investigate this

we decided to investigate this

we decided to investigate this ourselves. And joining us now to help

ourselves. And joining us now to help

ourselves. And joining us now to help hopefully understand what is going on

hopefully understand what is going on

hopefully understand what is going on with Donald Trump's neck. Please say

with Donald Trump's neck. Please say

with Donald Trump's neck. Please say hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised

hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised

hello to Donald Trump's badly bruised baby hand. Hello baby hand.

baby hand. Hello baby hand.

baby hand. Hello baby hand. >> Hello America. Who's got questions for

>> Hello America. Who's got questions for

>> Hello America. Who's got questions for me?

me?

me? >> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you

>> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you

>> Well I do baby hand. I was hoping you could tell us what is going on with that

could tell us what is going on with that

could tell us what is going on with that rash or whatever is happening north of

rash or whatever is happening north of

rash or whatever is happening north of you on the president's neck.

you on the president's neck.

you on the president's neck. >> That's not a rash. The neck is just a

>> That's not a rash. The neck is just a

>> That's not a rash. The neck is just a little irritated from all the medals it

little irritated from all the medals it

little irritated from all the medals it has been wearing.

has been wearing.

has been wearing. >> Oh,

>> Oh,

>> Oh, >> we've won so many awards.

>> we've won so many awards.

>> we've won so many awards. >> The FIFA Peace Prize.

>> The FIFA Peace Prize.

>> The FIFA Peace Prize. >> Olympic gold. Yes.

>> Olympic gold. Yes.

>> Olympic gold. Yes. >> A lifetime achievement award from

>> A lifetime achievement award from

>> A lifetime achievement award from Arby's.

Arby's.

Arby's. >> All right. You got a lifetime

>> All right. You got a lifetime

>> All right. You got a lifetime achievement award from Arby's for what?

achievement award from Arby's for what?

achievement award from Arby's for what? >> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders.

>> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders.

>> For eating 10,000 beef and chedders. >> All right. Well, that is You know what?

>> All right. Well, that is You know what?

>> All right. Well, that is You know what? That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new

That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new

That is an honor. Is Hey, is that a new bruise you have there on your back?

bruise you have there on your back?

bruise you have there on your back? >> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was

>> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was

>> Yeah, that's right. I got it when I was killing the Ayatollah.

killing the Ayatollah.

killing the Ayatollah. I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP

I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP

I punched him so hard. POP CHOP CHOP right in the turban. He was like, "Sir,

right in the turban. He was like, "Sir,

right in the turban. He was like, "Sir, sir, it's such an honor to be punched by

sir, it's such an honor to be punched by

sir, it's such an honor to be punched by such a strong and large hand." And then

such a strong and large hand." And then

such a strong and large hand." And then I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have

I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have

I stole all of his shish kebabs. Have you heard about these things?

you heard about these things?

you heard about these things? >> Yes. Yes.

>> Yes. Yes.

>> Yes. Yes. >> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS,

>> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS,

>> It's an oldfashioned word. KEBABS, MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs.

MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs.

MARCO. KEBABS for everybody. Kebabs. >> Okay. Well, I

>> Okay. Well, I

>> Okay. Well, I >> I love kebabs. They call me kebab

>> I love kebabs. They call me kebab

>> I love kebabs. They call me kebab Marley.

Marley.

Marley. >> I did not know that.

>> I did not know that.

>> I did not know that. >> Many people.

>> Many people.

>> Many people. >> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you

>> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you

>> Hey, since you mentioned it, do do you have a plan in mind or a hope for who

have a plan in mind or a hope for who

have a plan in mind or a hope for who will take power in Iran?

will take power in Iran?

will take power in Iran? >> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now,

>> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now,

>> Oh, yeah. Big time we do. Right now, we're leaning very strongly towards

we're leaning very strongly towards

we're leaning very strongly towards Aladdin. Mhm.

Aladdin. Mhm.

Aladdin. Mhm. >> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF.

>> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF.

>> Big pants, gold lamp, and a monkey BFF. I call him Abu.

I call him Abu.

I call him Abu. He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember

He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember

He flew on a carpet. Jimmy, remember that?

that?

that? >> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well,

>> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well,

>> I do remember that. Yeah. Hey, well, speaking of BFFs, is there anything you

speaking of BFFs, is there anything you

speaking of BFFs, is there anything you can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein?

can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein?

can tell us about Jeffrey Epstein? >> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss

>> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss

>> Jeffy? My Jeffy? Oh, I miss him. I miss flying on his private jet. Just me,

flying on his private jet. Just me,

flying on his private jet. Just me, Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew

Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew

Jeffrey, and Redacted. Oh, Redacted knew how to party. That I will tell you.

how to party. That I will tell you.

how to party. That I will tell you. >> But can I ask you specifically about the

>> But can I ask you specifically about the

>> But can I ask you specifically about the allegations against you that have

allegations against you that have

allegations against you that have suddenly disappeared?

suddenly disappeared?

suddenly disappeared? >> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have

>> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have

>> Go ahead. But for legal reasons, I have to respond with angry silence.

to respond with angry silence.

to respond with angry silence. >> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you

>> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you

>> Okay. Well, then I will ask, what do you say to Americans who believe you should

say to Americans who believe you should

say to Americans who believe you should be testifying under oath?

be testifying under oath?

be testifying under oath? >> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I

>> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I

>> I say, uh, would you look at the time? I have to pick the next country to go to

have to pick the next country to go to

have to pick the next country to go to war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and

war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and

war with. Spin it, Marco. Round and round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's

round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's

round it goes. Whoever it stops, let's find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica.

find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica.

find out. We will be bombing Costa Rica. >> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica.

>> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica.

>> Oh, tough luck, Costa Rica. >> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto

>> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto

>> Oh, no. Adios to Costa Rica and Puerto Rico.

Rico.

Rico. >> All right. Well, thank you for your

>> All right. Well, thank you for your

>> All right. Well, thank you for your time, baby.

time, baby.

time, baby. >> Bad bunny. No bueno.

>> Bad bunny. No bueno.

>> Bad bunny. No bueno. >> Rodriguez.

>> Rodriguez.

>> Rodriguez. >> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those

>> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those

>> Yes. Yes. I've heard all of those things. All right. Thank you so much.

things. All right. Thank you so much.

things. All right. Thank you so much. That's President Trump's badly bruised

That's President Trump's badly bruised

That's President Trump's badly bruised hand.

hand.

hand. >> We have a fun show tonight. We got an

>> We have a fun show tonight. We got an

>> We have a fun show tonight. We got an real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner

real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner

real live Oscar nominee here. Vagner Mora is with us. We have music from the

Mora is with us. We have music from the

Mora is with us. We have music from the ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there

ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there

ball game. Sai Smith is sitting there with the cleans and we'll be right BACK

with the cleans and we'll be right BACK

with the cleans and we'll be right BACK WITH IKE BARON.