Original subtitles

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- WHEN YOU'RE LAYING IN YOUR COLLEGE ROOM

AND YOU MISS ME,

YOU CAN LOOK AT YOUR TATTOO AND GO,

"MOM, I MISS YOU SO MUCH." AND YOU CALL ME.

- "MOM, I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU."

- I'M SCARED FOR THE MOMENT WHEN YOU LEAVE

AND THEN I JUST REALIZE, LIKE, I'M STAYING HERE.

- I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY. I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

- JOYCE IS GOING TO PUERTO RICO.

WOULDN'T IT BE FUN IF WE WENT TOO?

- YEAH.

- THIS IS WHY WE CAME.

- [laughs]

- AM I YOUR HOLLYWOOD FRIEND, OR AM I YOUR REAL FRIEND?

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT DOING THIS.

- WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY?

- BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO-- I DON'T WANT YOU TRYING TO--

- BUT WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.

- I HAD THE TABLOIDS AT MY HOUSE.

LISA PUT IT IN MY LUGGAGE AND GOES, "YOU NEED TO BRING THIS."

- I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

- I'M JUST [bleep] PISSED. - WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- YOU'RE CAUGHT. YOU'RE LYING. YOU'RE CAUGHT.

- I'M [bleep] OUTTA HERE. - I WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH.

- I DIDN'T SEE THE TABLOIDS UNTIL I GOT BACK.

- NO, IT'S NOT TRUE.

- COME ON, THIS ISN'T A--

THIS IS A [bleep] SABOTAGE ATTACK.

YOU ARE SO STUPID! - DON'T CALL ME STUPID.

- I'M NOT GONNA HAVE THEM TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT.

[upbeat music]

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND, ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS, THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB, THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK STORY,

ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD, MONEY DOESN'T TALK, IT SWEARS.

- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG, TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY, LITTLE DANCE, AND I LIKE TO TAKE LEAD.

- I WOKE UP VERY EARLY AND CALLED ALL MY FRIENDS

ON THE EAST COAST 'CAUSE I FIGURED THEY WERE AWAKE,

AND I GOT IN A FEW FIGHTS WITH MY EX-HUSBAND.

- HOW ARE YOUR KIDS? - THEY'RE, UM--THEY'RE GOOD.

- I CALLED LAST NIGHT.

SOMETIMES 'CAUSE MY KIDS ARE OLDER,

IT'S HARD TO, LIKE, TRACK 'EM ALL DOWN,

BUT LAST NIGHT EVERY ONE OF THEM ANSWERED EXACTLY WHEN I CALLED.

- THAT'S SO NICE. MINE DON'T LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE.

"I LOVE YOU, GOOD NIGHT."

BUT YOU JUST WANT THEM TO KNOW YOU'RE THINKING OF THEM.

- GOOD MORNING, GIRLS. - GOOD MORNING.

- HI. - OH, MY HAIR IS BLOWING.

- HOW ARE YOU? - HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU'RE REALLY DONE-UP.

- I LOVE THIS OUTFIT. - THANK YOU.

- HI. THAT LOOKS PRETTY ON YOU. - MM. THANK YOU.

- HAS ANYBODY HEARD FROM LISA? - UH...

- NO. - NO.

- WHEN LISA FELT THAT I HAD WRONGED HER,

I APOLOGIZED TO HER OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

NOW I NEED AN APOLOGY.

BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GET IT.

I WAS GONNA SEND KEN A TEXT TODAY FOR LAST NIGHT.

- I'M TIRED OF YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.

YOU'RE A BIG, STUBBORN, OLD MAN!

SHUT UP!

- I RENEGE. [laughs]

I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

- SHE SHOULD'VE STAYED AND RESOLVED IT.

- YEAH. I AGREE.

- AND THEN IT DOESN'T BECOME THAT BIG OF AN ISSUE.

I THINK IT'S VERY CHILDISH

FOR ADULTS TO WALK AWAY FROM THE TABLE.

AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK GUILTY,

REGARDLESS IF YOU'RE GUILTY OR NOT.

- I JUST ASKED A QUESTION. I DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE A FIGHT.

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO TURN INTO THAT,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT ANYBODY WOULD HEAR THAT

AND NOT SAY, "DID YOU DO THIS?"

I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TABLOIDS IN THE SUITCASE.

- I DIDN'T SEE THE TABLOIDS UNTIL I GOT BACK.

- YEAH, THAT'S US. YEAH. - YEAH, RIGHT HERE. PERFECT.

ALL RIGHT.

- I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT, YOU KNOW...

- WHAT IS IT?

- ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

I THINK IT JUST NEEDED TO HAPPEN.

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT--

- NO, LISTEN, I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO FEEL BAD.

HONESTLY, I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DESERVES AN ANSWER.

- I LOST IT.

I MEAN, I KNOW THAT WE GENUINELY LIKE EACH OTHER, I KNOW THAT.

BUT IT'S LIKE--IT'S JUST A SENSATION OF BETRAYAL.

I'VE NEVER HAD A--I'VE NEVER FELT LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE.

THEY'VE CLAIMED TO BE MY FRIEND AND TO HAVE MY BACK,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M LEARNING FROM EVERYBODY

THAT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE, AND, ON THE CONTRARY,

THEY WERE DOING STUFF TO CAUSE PROBLEMS

TO MY LIFE AND TO MY FAMILY.

THAT'S NOT A FRIEND, THAT'S STRAIGHT-UP BETRAYAL.

- I FEEL LIKE YOU LOVE HER SO HARD--I LOVE HER TOO--

BUT, LIKE, IT'S--

- BUT HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY THAT--THAT--

- IT'S ALMOST UNHEALTHY.

- YOU KNOW, THAT THROWS YOU UNDER THE BUS LIKE THAT?

AND TALKS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND THAT WAY? I'M SORRY.

- I NEED THERAPY. I NEED THERAPY.

- YOU AND KYLE-- YOU DESERVE AN HONEST ANSWER.

I THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW, AND I THINK

THAT'S WHAT YOU MADE CLEAR.

I THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW, ARE THESE FRIENDS YOU CAN TRUST,

OR ARE YOU BEING BETRAYED?

THIS IS FAMILY. I MEAN, THIS IS YOUR FAMILY.

AND YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY IN YOUR CIRCLE

THAT POTENTIALLY WISHES YOU ILL THERE OR, YOU KNOW,

REALLY BETRAYS YOU ON THAT LEVEL.

SO I THINK YOU--

I THINK YOU STILL ARE OWED AN ANSWER, HONESTLY.

- I HAD A HARD TIME SLEEPING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE--

- I BET. I-I CAN IMAGINE.

I CAN IMAGINE KYLE COULDN'T SLEEP AT ALL, PROBABLY.

- YEAH. - LOOK, I LIKE THOSE GUYS.

BUT THEM AVOIDING IT AND LEAVING,

I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE ANSWER.

- RIGHT. - THAT'S FOR SURE.

I MEAN, YOU MIGHT HAVE YOUR ANSWER, UNFORTUNATELY.

YOU KNOW THAT.

- AGREED.

- WE DO LOVE THEM, AND THAT'S WHY THE--

- WELL, I JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM,

SO I THOUGHT, LET ME STOP BY THE CONCIERGE,

AND APPARENTLY THEY ORDERED A TAXI AT 4:30 THIS MORNING

AND LEFT THE HOTEL AT 5:00 A.M.

- WHERE DID THEY GO?

- TO THE AIRPORT. THEY WENT HOME.

- THEY'RE GONE. - WHY LEAVE?

- WELL, BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE CONVERSATIONS

THAT PEOPLE ARE WANTING WITH THEM, I GUESS.

I DON'T KNOW.

- I JUST WISH THAT KEN AND LISA DIDN'T LEAVE LIKE THAT

AND CONFIRM WHAT I ALREADY FELT TO BE TRUE.

- I THINK SHE SHOULD'VE AT LEAST CALLED ME AND SAID,

"LISTEN, I'M SORRY I'M LEAVING FROM THE TRIP,

I JUST DON'T WANT TO CONFRONT THIS CONVERSATION.

- I'M SORRY THAT THEY LEFT. I FEEL THAT THAT'S TOO BAD.

THAT, UM...

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M NOT SORRY THEY LEFT.

- LET'S MAKE A DEAL, GIRLS, HANDS ON.

- LET'S TALK ABOUT IT IN L.A. - NO MORE. THE WHOLE DAY.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

- WE DON'T TALK ABOUT LISA OR KEN FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

- YEAH, WE'RE GONNA--

YOU GUYS SMELL THAT? [sniffs]

- WHAT? - STORES.

[laughter]

- [laughs]

- ARE MY GLASSES THERE?

- HE'S BEAUTIFUL. YOUR BABY?

YOUR BABY IS BEAUTIFUL.

- NO! I DON'T WANT THAT NEAR ME. - [screams]

- SO CUTE, BUT I DON'T WANT IT NEAR ME.

IT'S REALLY CUTE. - I GOT YOU A PRESENT...

- IT GOES GOOD WITH YOUR OUTFIT, YOLANDA.

- I GOT YOU A PRESENT. - YOLANDA...

I DON'T WANT IT TO COME OVER HERE!

NO, PLEASE! I'M SERIOUS! DON'T! I'M SCARED! NO!

[moans]

I DON'T LIKE CREATURES WITH LONG NAILS.

- DO YOU LIKE IT? YOU CAN TAKE IT TO L.A.

- IT DOESN'T EXACTLY LOOK LIKE A FLUFFY KITTY TO ME, OKAY?

- OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE.

- GRACIAS. OH...

- CAN I HOLD HIM?

OH...

THEY'RE SO CUTE. THEY'RE SO CUTE.

[tiny voice] THEY'RE SO CUTE!

EE! THEY'RE SO CUTE.

I LOVE THEM.

I LOVE THEM!

I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM.

I DO, I LOVE THEM.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

I WANT A PICTURE ALONE WITH HIM FOR A WHILE.

- KIM WILL GO UP AND FEED A SQUIRREL THAT COULD HAVE RABIES.

SHE DOESN'T CARE.

- OKAY, CALM DOWN. OH, MY GOSH.

- DO IT QUICK, DO IT QUICK, DO IT QUICK.

- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU.

- GRACIAS.

- THANK YOU.

- SO THIS IS THE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS STATUE.

YOU KNOW CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DISCOVERED PUERTO RICO.

SO THIS IS, LIKE, THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY RIGHT HERE.

SAN JUAN ALMOST FEELS LIKE YOU'RE IN LITTLE SPAIN.

LOOK AT ALL THE COLORS, AND YOU SEE THE COBBLESTONE.

I LOVE WALKING DOWN SAN JUAN, UP AND DOWN THE STREETS.

IT'S BAD FOR THE HEELS, BUT IT'S REALLY FUN TO DO.

- KYLE, I'M GONNA--

- OH, I'M NOT DOING THAT. YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME.

- LOOK AT YOU. - YOLANDA'S GONNA GET HURT.

- COME ON, DO IT, GIRLS.

- OH! THE DRESS. - UH-OH!

- WE ALL HAVE TO DO THIS? - WAIT, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

- [laughs]

- MY BUTT IS GONNA SHOW! - OH!

- OKAY, NEXT.

- COME ON. - YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

- GO AHEAD. - YOU DO IT, YOU DO IT.

- I'M GONNA HURT MYSELF.

- BRANDI JUST WALKS OVER IT.

- [laughs] - THAT'S TRUE. SHE'S TALL.

- I WISH EVERY DAY WAS LIKE THIS WITH THESE GIRLS.

SEEMS TO BE, LIKE, A HUGE SHIFT IN THE ENERGY.

- BEAUTIFUL.

- THIS IS ALL, UM-- HOW DO YOU CALL IT?

[both laughing]

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT REMINDS ME OF? THE TOP OF THAT?

- WHAT?

- IT REMINDS ME OF YOLANDA AT THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER.

- WHOO!

- OH!

- YOLANDA, DON'T JOKE AROUND LIKE THAT.

- SHE HAS A PENIS.

- OH, THAT'S A MAN, THOUGH. - IS THAT A MAN?

- GET BACK, GIRLS.

- ONE, TWO...

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET IN THIS FOUNTAIN.

- LET'S GO IN!

- YOU'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS

UNTIL YOU'VE COMMITTED YOUR FIRST CRIME TOGETHER.

- [laughs]

- YOU THINK WE'LL GET IN TROUBLE?

- HEY, GUYS!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PUERTO RICAN PRISON?

WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT TO.

- IT'S A VERY RISKY THING

WHEN YOU'RE IN A STRANGE PLACE LIKE THAT,

WHEN A LOT OF THE PEOPLE SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE.

- WE DIDN'T HAVE A PENNY, SO WE JUST GOT--

'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE ONE.

- I DIDN'T HAVE A PENNY FOR A WISH.

- THE POLICE ARE COMING! GET OUT, GET OUT!

- I DON'T KNOW THEM. - [screams, giggles]

- POLICE!

[speaking gibberish]

OH, NO!

- I DO SPEAK SPANISH.

BUT NOT ENOUGH TO GET THEM OUT OF JAIL.

- GUESS WHAT.

BYE.

- AYE YI-YI.

- WE SHOULD GO TO A SALSA BAND.

- I KNOW. I WANT TO.

- [humming]

- YO, YO. - YO, YO.

- HELLO. [knocks]

- KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

OH, MY GOD, IT FEELS SO GOOD IN HERE.

- I'M ALWAYS PROUD WHEN PEOPLE

TELL ME STORIES ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN THEY HAD IN PUERTO RICO.

IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL SO OVERWHELMED WITH JOY,

BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE THE WORLD

TO LOVE PUERTO RICO AS MUCH AS I DO.

- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS, THIS IS FUNNY.

LOOK AT YOU GUYS ON THE RUN. - THAT'S A GIANT WINE BOTTLE.

- OH! - [laughs]

- LOOK AT YOU AND BRANDI ON THE RUN WHEN THE POLICE CAME.

- THE PO-PO IS COMING.

- GET OUT NOW!

- BRANDI WAS LIKE, "NO, THEY'RE REALLY COMING."

AND SHE WAS LIKE--

- EVERYBODY JUST WANTED

TO PUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH LISA BEHIND US AND GO AND HAVE FUN.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO DWELL ON THE NEGATIVITY.

THEY'RE DOING A PARTY AT THE BEVERLY HILTON,

THE BEVERLY HILLS CHAMBER OF COMMERCE,

CELEBRATING THE 100 YEARS OF BEVERLY HILLS.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO COME.

- WE SHOULD GO.

- ANY EXCUSE FOR A PARTY, RIGHT? - RIGHT, YEAH.

- WE'RE THERE. - I'M EXCITED.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'RE GONNA MEET.

I MET ALL OF YOU GIRLS THERE.

- KIMBERLY'S PACKING FOR COLLEGE, SO...

- SO WHAT IS SHE DOING RIGHT NOW?

- SHE'S, LIKE, STARTING TO PUT STUFF FROM HER DAD'S HOUSE,

AND THEN FROM OUR HOUSE.

- SHE'S GONNA BE LIVING IN A DORM, RIGHT?

- SHE'S LIVING IN A DORM.

THEY'RE MAKING HER LIVE ON CAMPUS BECAUSE SHE'S--

A F--A FRESHMAN.

- NO-- - SHE KNOW HER ROOMMATE?

- SHE DOESN'T KNOW YET.

AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW...

- YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'RE GONNA GET.

IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOD.

- I'M A BIT CONCERNED FOR HOW I'M GOING TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA BE WITHOUT KIMBERLY.

BUT I KNOW SHE NEEDS TO GET SETTLED INTO HER NEW WORLD.

- MINE IS GOING NEXT WEEK. I HAVE EIGHT MORE DAYS.

- AW, COME ON.

- AWW. - EIGHT MORE DAYS.

- SHE'S GOING TO NEW YORK. - SHE'S GOING TO NEW YORK.

- YOU'RE GONNA GO WITH HER?

- I'M GONNA SPEND ONE WEEK TO, YOU KNOW, PUT ALL HER CLOTHES...

- YEAH.

- PUT ALL THE FURNITURE IN AND GET HER, LIKE,

SLEEPING.

- DO WE NEED TO PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT

TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG WHEN YOU COME BACK?

- YES, PROBABLY.

- YOU THINK THERE'S GONNA BE SOME TEARS INVOLVED, HUH?

- OH, FOR SURE.

- YEAH.

I AM JUST SO EXCITED THAT GIGI WILL BE

THE FIRST CHILD IN MY FAMILY TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

LIFE THREW ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME A PROFESSIONAL MODEL

AND MAKE A LOT OF MONEY AND PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY.

I NEVER FOUND MY WAY BACK TO SCHOOL OR COLLEGE OR ANYTHING.

- MICHAEL, JOYCE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INVITING US ALL TO...

[rolls tongue] PUERICO!

- THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

- IT'S NOT "PUERICO," IT'S "PUERTO RICO."

- [rolls tongue] PUERICO!

PUERTO RICO. - SHE'S GOOD!

WE PRACTICED IT AT PILATES.

- [sighs] - [snorts]

[laughter]

- COMING UP...

- I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING THAT I SAY IS BEING QUESTIONED.

I FEEL THEY'RE JUST, LIKE, ALL GANGING UP.

IT'S REALLY HARD. I DON'T WANT TO CRY.

- THANK YOU. [door closes]

WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE HOME. - [chuckles]

- HI, GUYS. - HELLO.

- LOOK HOW CUTE YOU ARE.

WELCOME. HI, GUYS. - HI, YOLANDA.

- YOLANDA REALLY FIXED SO MANY THINGS FOR ME.

MY DAD FELL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HER.

- YOU'RE LUCKY YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL BODYGUARD

TO PROTECT YOU. - I KNOW. TRUST ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT HER.

WE STARTED TO MEND FENCES, AND WE'RE GETTING BACK ON TRACK.

- OH, THANK YOU. YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.

- I TOLD HIM YOU LIKE BELLINIS

AND YOU MIGHT, YOU KNOW...

- I MIGHT GET DRUNK? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT?

- NO, NO!

WE ALL KNOW THAT'S ME. [laughter]

- EVER SINCE PUERTO RICO

I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIPS.

EVEN WHEN I SCREW UP, YOLANDA'S BEEN THERE FOR ME.

- WHEN YOU STING, YOU STING HARD, AND IT HURTS.

BUT YOU'RE DOING IT IN A WAY NOW THAT'S NOT CHARMING.

- LISA WAS LIKE--"CRICKET, CRICKET, CRICKET, WHO'S BRANDI?"

- OF COURSE I GOTTA SHOW YOUR MOM THE REFRIGERATOR.

- OH, MY GOD... - OH.

- SO YOU NEED A STEPLADDER TO GET THERE, DON'T YOU?

- IT'S A PIECE OF ART.

- IT IS, IT'S GORGEOUS. - IT IS.

- ANYBODY BAD IN THE HOUSE, I PUT IN HERE AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

[laughter] THE DOGHOUSE.

- HEY, ON A HOT DAY THIS COULD WORK REALLY WELL.

- [playing piano]

♪ ♪

- [giggles]

- WHAT IS--

THAT WAS HILARIOUS.

- I WISH I COULD PLAY THE PIANO.

OR HAVE ANY KIND OF MUSICAL TALENT.

- WELL, I'M STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW TOO.

OH, PEOPLE. - THESE ARE MY PARENTS.

- HOW ARE YOU? I'M DAVID. - THIS IS JUDY.

- HI, JUDY.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- AND THIS IS GUY. - HI, GUY. I'M DAVID.

- A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU, MAN. WELCOME.

- THANK YOU FOR... - LETTING US COME TO YOUR HOME.

- YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL HOUSE. - WE'RE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.

- WE'RE VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE HOUSE. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- YEAH, SHE DID A GREAT JOB. YEAH.

YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSED WITH MY PIANO PLAYING?

- UM, IT WAS OKAY. I'VE HEARD BETTER.

I KNOW MY DAD GETS VERY INTIMIDATED WITH WEALTH.

HE'S NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT HE'S WEARING,

AND IF HE SHOULD WEAR A HAT OR NOT WEAR A HAT,

BUT I KNOW HOW DOWN-TO-EARTH DAVID AND YOLANDA ARE,

SO I KNEW ONCE MY DAD GOT OVER THE GRANDIOSE EVERYTHING

OF THE HOUSE THAT HE WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE,

BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST-- THEY'RE NORMAL PEOPLE.

- I LOVE THE INFINITY POOL. - IT IS GORGEOUS.

- YEAH. - I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- OKAY.

- YOU KNOW, BRANDI AND I WENT OUT THIS MORNING

TO GET A PROPANE TANK.

- YEAH.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. - HELLO. YOU'RE WELCOME.

- MY PARENTS, STILL TO THIS DAY,

WORK 9:00 TO 5:00, WORK EXTREMELY HARD.

THEY DESERVE THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE.

- OUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY HAVE--

WE HAVE SKELETAL PROBLEMS.

- HE'S COLLAPSED HIS LEFT LUNG THREE TIMES.

- OH, MY GOD.

- YEAH.

- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

- YEAH, IT'S JUST WE-- WE HAVE TO GET GOING.

- YOU DO? WHAT HAPPENED? - I JUST ORDERED THE CAR.

- WOW. IN AND OUT.

- YOU CAN WALK US OUT IF YOU WANT.

- LEAVING IS DIFFICULT. - LEAVING IS TOUGH.

- LET'S GO.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY! - NO WAY!

- IS THAT A DAUGHTER OR WHAT?

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- ISN'T THAT GREAT?

- SHE HAS GOOSEBUMPS.

- I GOT GOOSEBUMPS. WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- A LITTLE STEP OUT. YOU READY?

- OH, MY--I'M IN-- THIS IS TOTAL--

- YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER.

- I FIGURE IF I GIVE THEM THE CAR AT YOLANDA'S HOUSE

MY DAD CAN'T NOT ACCEPT IT,

'CAUSE IT'S YOLANDA HIS GIRLFRIEND.

- BYE, GUYS. - BYE.

- OKAY. THANK YOU. - ENJOY!

- WOW. - OH, MY GOD.

- MY PARENTS DESERVE IT.

- BYE, NOW. - BYE.

- LISA.

I'M HERE. [laughs] - HELLO.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- OKAY. - YEAH?

YOU LIE LIKE A DOG.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WENT DOWN IN PUERTO RICO...

- DO YOU WANT TEA, DARLING? - I WOULD LOVE A CUP OF TEA.

BUT I CAN TELL SHE'S LEGITIMATELY HURT.

DID YOU CHOOSE AN OUTFIT YET? - NO.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE BEVERLY HILLS 100th YEAR PARTY.

I DON'T REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE

BEING AROUND THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE.

SO WE'LL SEE.

- WELL, YOU HAVE TO GO. - WHY?

- BECAUSE IT'S THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE

AN AMAZING, THRIVING BUSINESS IN BEVERLY HILLS.

YEAH, YOU DO.

- YEAH, BUT--

I DON'T WANT TO BE OVERDRAMATIC

AND SAY "AMBUSHED, ATTACKED," ALL THOSE KIND OF THINGS,

BUT THAT'S HOW I FELT.

- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S LEGITIMATE, THEN.

- ENOUGH FOR KEN TO SAY, "OKAY, WE'RE DONE. WE'RE OUTTA HERE."

I HAVE VERY LITTLE TIME OFF,

AND I WANT TO SPEND IT JUST RELAXING

AND HAVING FUN WITH FRIENDS.

BUT TO DEAL WITH THIS NEGATIVE, AGGRESSIVE BULL[bleep]--

NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

APPARENTLY BRANDI SAID TO KYLE

THAT I TOOK THE TABLOID ABOUT RICHARD AND PUT IT

IN HER BAG AND SAID, "BRING IT WITH YOU TO PALM SPRINGS."

- THERE WAS NO MAGAZINE, 'CAUSE I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT.

- AND THEN KYLE GOES, "I NEED TO ASK THIS QUESTION.

DID YOU PUT THE MAGAZINE?"

- OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. IT'S JUST--IT'S JUST--

I WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO SAY "CHILD'S PLAY,"

BECAUSE MY CHILDREN BEHAVE BETTER THAN THAT.

- IT WASN'T CHILD'S PLAY, IT WAS UPSETTING.

- NO, IT'S VICIOUS. [sighs]

- EACH ONE OF THEM WITH HER OWN LITTLE GAME PLAN

SYSTEMATICALLY COMING AFTER ME.

"YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A FRIEND," "YOU'RE THIS," "YOU'RE THAT,"

"YOU'RE THIS"--ALL HAVE A LITTLE LIST OF THINGS.

WHO DOES THAT?

SO I THOUGHT, WE'RE DONE. WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO WALK BACK TO BLOODY L.A.

WE'RE LEAVING.

- THESE WOMEN, WHO ARE SUPPOSEDLY YOUR FRIENDS,

HAVING A GO AT YOU AT ONE TIME.

THIS IS WHAT I CANNOT STAND ABOUT INSECURE WOMEN.

BECAUSE THEY SAY THEY'RE GIRLS' GIRLS AND THEY'RE NOT.

- I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING THAT I SAY IS BEING QUESTIONED.

AND I FEEL THEY'RE JUST, LIKE, ALL GANGING UP.

[sighs] - OH, GOD.

OH, DARLING.

- IT'S REALLY HARD.

I DON'T WANT TO CRY.

I JUST KNOW I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO BRANDI.

SOMETIMES SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE HAVE BEEN VICIOUS.

I'VE ALWAYS DEFENDED HER.

SO HAS KEN, AND IT'S BEEN REALLY DIFFICULT.

- US BRITS HAVE IT BE STIFF UPPER LIP, AND WE USUALLY

DON'T SHOW OUR EMOTIONS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE FEEL LIKE IT'S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS.

- I DON'T WANT TO CRY. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN AN HOUR.

OH, [bleep].

BRANDI ALWAYS PRIDES HERSELF ON BEING BRUTALLY HONEST.

IF YOU WANT MY OPINION, I THINK IT'S MORE BRUTAL THAN HONEST.

- WHEN THERE'S DISSENTION, IT'S LIKE SHARKS THAT TASTE BLOOD.

- TRUST ME, I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

THEY'RE ALL UNITING IN THEIR COMMON ENEMY.

AND PROBABLY CELEBRATING BECAUSE...

I'VE GONE.

- COMING UP...

- HAVE YOU TALKED TO LISA?

- I HAVEN'T TALKED TO LISA AT ALL.

- WE'RE ADULTS HERE, AND WHO RUNS AWAY?

WHAT IS SHE AFRAID OF?

- WHAT'S IN THAT BAG?

- WANNA SEE?

BUTTERFLIES...

- ARE YOU SERIOUS? - THAT LIGHT UP AT NIGHT.

- EMERGEN-Cs.

- MOM...

MOM, I CAN'T BRING A CANDLE.

- YOU CAN, 'CAUSE IT'S A HOLY CANDLE.

- NO, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S A HOLY CANDLE.

- WELL, YOU CAN LOOK AT IT. - NO FIRE.

- AND YOU CAN SAY A LITTLE PRAYER ON THE BACK.

- HEY, AM I THE ONLY ONE LOADING?

- WE'RE LOADING.

- AND LOOK. A COFFEE CUP WITH YOUR LAST NAME.

KIMBERLY'S DAD AND I ARE GETTING READY

TO TAKE HER DOWN TO COLLEGE IN SAN DIEGO.

I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EVER

REALLY ANTICIPATED THIS DAY WOULD COME.

OH!

THAT BETTER NOT-- both: GUADALUPE.

- IT'S ALMOST 10:30. WE GOTTA GET GOING.

THERE IS A TON OF STUFF. - A LITTLE HEAVY.

- THIS IS SO LIGHT.

- [grunts]

JOHN AND I WERE ENGAGED.

WE WERE TOGETHER FIVE YEARS, AND THEN WE HAD KIMBERLY.

AND THEN WE STAYED TOGETHER TWO YEARS AFTER THAT.

I JUST WASN'T GONNA SEE KIMBERLY

GO THROUGH THAT CUSTODY BATTLE BULL[bleep].

"MY WEEK" AND "YOUR WEEK."

WE JUST WEREN'T GONNA ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN TO KIMBERLY.

SHE WANTS TO PUT A CURTAIN UP

ASIDE FORM MY BED SO THAT I AM BLOCKED OFF FROM MY ROOMMATES.

- NO. NO. - THAT'S LIKE RUDE, RIGHT?

- YEAH, THAT IS.

- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIT BACK HERE?

- YOU WILL, 'CAUSE I'LL MOVE ALL THAT.

I'LL--I'LL MOVE A LOT OF IT BACK HERE,

I JUST GOTTA GET EVERYTHING OUT, KIMBERLY.

JUST TRUST ME, I CAN PACK A CAR, OKAY?

- THIS IS ALL YOUR STUFF, MOM. THANKS.

- I CAN PACK A MEAN TRUCK. - WAIT, MOM--

- NO, YOU CAN JUST FILL A MEAN TRUCK.

- MOM, DIDN'T YOU GET CONTAINERS THAT ARE IN THE GARAGE?

- YEAH. - IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. RELAX.

- BUT DO YOU WANT THOSE LITTLE BOXES FLYING AROUND?

- OH, YOUR DAD CAN PACK A TRUCK. - I DON'T.

- I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT KIMBERLY

HAS EVERYTHING THAT SHE NEEDS.

NOT NECESSARILY FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS, BUT BASICALLY...

FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.

PONYTAIL, BOBBY PIN, CHAPSTICKS,

SHAMPOOS, CREAM RINSES...

HAIRBRUSHES, YOU KNOW, STRAIGHT, ROLL BRUSH.

SOCKS.

LOTS OF S--JUST, YOU NAME IT, KIMBERLY HAS IT.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S BOOG. - COME ON, MOM.

BYE, HOUSE.

- LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO. - LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

- SO MUCH SCHLEPPING OF GROCERIES.

- I HAVE THE WATER BOTTLES. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THESE?

- NO. [laughs]

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE YOUNG AND I'M OLD.

I ENDED UP IN NEW YORK WHEN I WAS 17

WITH NO MONEY, NO CELL PHONE, NO APARTMENT.

MY MOTHER GAVE ME 100 GUILDERS, WHICH, I BELIEVE, IS $50.

SO THE TIMES, THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT.

THE WAY GIGI, YOU KNOW, IS SET UP TODAY.

I MEAN, WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO NEW YORK, I WAS LIKE--

I HAD--MY WHOLE APARTMENT WAS THE SIZE OF YOUR BEDROOM.

- REALLY?

- AND IT HAD A LITTLE LADDER WITH A LITTLE PLATFORM

UNDER THE CEILING, AND THAT'S WHERE I HAD TO SLEEP.

I WOULD SLEEP, LIKE, THIS CLOSE TO THE CEILING.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

I THINK GIGI'S EXCITED TO BE RUNNING HER OWN HOUSEHOLD.

I ALWAYS FELT THAT SHE SHOULD TAKE A YEAR OFF

AND JUST WORK AND MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS SHE CAN,

AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO.

SHE WAS GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE, BUT THE ROOMMATE'S PARENTS

DECIDED THAT THEY WANT HER TO LIVE IN THE DORM.

AND I DIDN'T WANT GIGI TO LIVE IN A DORM

BECAUSE I WANTED HER TO MORE BE IN A WORK ENVIRONMENT.

IS IT--I THINK IT LOOKS A LITTLE BIT CROOKED TO ME.

IS IT?

KIDS PARTY AND GO OUT AND GET DRUNK, AND, YOU KNOW,

AND I WANTED HER TO REALLY FOCUS ON HER CAREER

WHERE SHE HAS TO GET UP AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING

AND GO TO WORK AND SHOOT ALL DAY.

AND, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME.

LOOK HOW CUTE.

THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE HOME?

- YEAH.

I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED TO BE, LIKE, HERE ALONE.

- LIKE YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR ME TO LEAVE?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

- WELL, I MEAN, THAT'S A MEAN WAY OF PUTTING IT.

BUT, LIKE...

- NO, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. JUST TO SETTLE IN AND...

- YEAH.

- PUT ALL THE THINGS THE WAY YOU WANT IT.

- YEAH.

- I MEAN, IT'S REALLY CUTE. - YEAH.

- OKAY, HERE WE GO. - ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

- EE! - SHE'S SO EXCITED.

- HI. - HELLO.

- I CALLED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER GETTING HER EARS PIERCED.

- UH-HUH.

- KENNEDY ALREADY HAS HERS, SO...

- SHE'S HERE FOR MORAL SUPPORT. - YES.

- SHE'S ALSO GONNA DO IT, TOO, BY THE WAY.

- OKAY. - SHE'S GONNA--

THIS ONE CLOSED, AND SHE WANTS A SECOND.

THANK GOD I HAVE SOPHIA AND PORTIA STILL AT HOME,

BUT I HAVE BEEN DREADING THE MOMENT

THAT ALEXIA GOES OFF TO COLLEGE.

SO BEING WITH MY DAUGHTERS,

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THAT'S HOW I PUT THE EARRING IN YOUR EAR.

SO YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT HER.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A VERY BRAVE PRINCESS.

AND SHE LIVED IN THE JUNGLE. [gun clicks]

THAT'S IT. PERFECT. - OH, MY GOD!

[laughter]

PORTIA, YOU HAVE AN EARRING.

- GREAT. - OH, MY GOSH.

- IS IT PRETTY? - YEAH.

- IT'S PRETTY. - BEAUTIFUL.

- PORTIA, DID IT HURT?

- A LITTLE BIT.

- SO NOW WE DO THE NEXT ONE, YOU'RE DONE.

- IT'S TOO MUCH. - IT'S TOO MUCH?

- [chuckles] IT'S TOO MUCH.

- NOW WE REALIZE THAT A GUN JUST SHOT A NEEDLE THROUGH YOUR EAR.

AND NOW THE SECOND EAR, NOT SO EASY.

- [whining]

- THINK ABOUT BASEBALL.

- I'LL HELP YOU. OKAY, GO. LET'S GO.

- [whining]

- WELL, HONEY, YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M--

THEN DON'T DO IT. WE'LL LEAVE WITH THE ONE EAR PIERCED.

- YOU CAN COME BACK ANOTHER DAY.

- PORTIA, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO BEFORE YOU GO?

- YOU WANT TO DO YOURS? - YEAH.

- OKAY.

- SOPHIA, YOU HAVE TO BE B-R-A-V-E.

I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU.

- WELL, MOM, I CAN'T PROMISE YOU THAT.

- OKAY.

- IT'S GONNA GO SO FAST.

- OH, WAIT, NO, NOT ME.

[whimpers] - IT'S JUST MY HAND.

- [whining]

I DON'T LIKE THAT. - OKAY, AND SHE'S READY.

DON'T WAVE YOUR SHOULDERS AROUND--

- BUT I'M NOT READY YET, I'M NOT READY.

- I'M GONNA PINCH YOU.

- SHE'S ACTING LIKE HER EAR IS BEING SAWED OFF.

- [sobbing] - OKAY, THAT'S PERFECTLY--

- I'M NOT DOING IT. I'M SORRY. - OKAY.

- MOM, NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD!

- I'M DOING IT, OKAY, ARMS. - OKAY.

- LEAN ON HER SHOULDER. - OKAY, GO.

DO IT. YOU'RE DONE. [gun clicks]

YAY! YOU DID IT! YAY!

THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA. THIS WAS TOTALLY THEIR THING.

- HOLD ME. - OKAY.

- [crying] - YAY.

HOLD ON, BABY.

YOU GOT IT. - YOU DID IT, PORTY!

YOU DID IT!

- THIS IS JUST PUTTING YOUR TOE

INTO THE "SUFFER FOR BEAUTY" POOL.

AND IT'S TIME FOR A COCKTAIL.

- HALLELUJAH, EVERYONE.

- HALLELUJAH. - HALLELUJAH, EVERYONE.

- WE HAD A HECK OF A TIME FINDING

THE THREAD COUNT SHEETS I WANTED, AND--

- [laughs] MY GOD. - 'CAUSE NOTHING WAS IN TWIN XL.

NOTHING. - SO I'M--I MEAN--

- WHAT THREAD COUNT DID WE GET? 500?

EGYPTIAN COTTON?

- SO BEAUTIFUL.

- OH, MY GOODNESS.

IT'LL BE THE QUEEN'S PALACE. - IT'S SO GORGEOUS.

THIS ONE BEDDING, OH.

I KNEW THE ROOM WAS GOING TO BE SMALL,

SO I FIGURED IF NOTHING ELSE

HER BED HAD TO BE THE MOST COMFORTABLE.

I WASHED THE SHEETS AT HOME

WITH SNUGGLES

LIKE...

12 TIMES?

SO IF I COULD MAKE THAT BED LIKE A LITTLE HOUSE.

RIGHT? LIKE HOME.

- I JUST--I KNOW ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS,

LIKE, THEY WERE SO EXCITED TO GO AWAY,

BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE BEING HOME THAT MUCH.

- [laughs]

- BUT I LOVE BEING HOME.

- THAT'S SO NICE.

- I'M SERIOUS. - I KNOW YOU DO.

- I'M JUST GONNA BE SO OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.

IT'S SO WEIRD.

- I'M GONNA BE OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE HOME ALONE.

- YEAH, SO WILL WE. WE'RE ALL--

EVERYBODY'S OUT OF THEIR COMFORT ZONE.

- IT DEFINITELY MAKES IT EASIER THAT KIMBERLY'S

AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY. [laughs]

I CAN HOP IN THE CAR AND JUST GO DOWN AND SEE HER.

BUT IF SHE WAS IN BOSTON I WOULD DEFINITELY BE

RACKING UP THOSE FREQUENT FLYER MILES.

FOR SURE.

- SO YOU GUYS ARE GONNA COME DOWN AND VISIT

ALL THE TIME, RIGHT?

- I'M NOT LEAVING. DID YOU SEE MY SUITCASE?

I GOT AN APARTMENT DOWN HERE.

- [laughs] OH, MY GOSH.

- HEY, B. - HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.

I WAS HANGING YOUR PICTURE THAT YOU MADE.

- GOOD. HOW IS IT-- HOW'S IT GOING IN NEW YORK?

- IT'S GOING. IT'S LIKE, UH... I'M EXHAUSTED.

I FEEL LIKE I RAN A MARATHON, BUT WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

JUST--I'M HANGING THOSE LITTLE PICTURES

THAT WE PAINTED TOGETHER.

MOVING GIGI TO COLLEGE IS PART OF MY JOB.

MOHAMED CAN'T JUST PICK UP AND GO FOR A WEEK.

I MEAN, HE'S RUNNING A BUSINESS,

AND IT'S NOT MOHAMED'S JOB.

- ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY?

- WELL, I'M PROBABLY GONNA BE BAWLING MY EYES OUT

ONCE I'M IN THE TAXI, BUT YOU KNOW...

- I KNOW. - IT'S GONNA BE SAD.

HAVE YOU TALKED TO LISA?

- HAVEN'T TALKED TO LISA AT ALL.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY WENT, WHAT THEY DID.

- IT'S JUST SO STRANGE.

WHO TAKES OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

WHAT FRIEND WOULD DO THAT?

- SOMEONE WHO CAN'T DEAL WITH CONFRONTATION

OR EVEN HAVING A CONVERSATION.

YOU KNOW WHAT, HONESTLY?

SHE'S AFRAID OF THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH IS SHE LIED.

AND SHE JUST NEEDS TO SAY,

"MAYBE I DID DO THAT, AND I WAS WRONG."

BUT SHE CAN'T, SO SHE LEFT.

- YEAH, WELL, IT JUST-- IT SOUND--

IT'S SUCH A STRANGE STORY TO ME.

I MEAN, COME ON. WE'RE-- WE'RE ADULTS HERE.

AND WHO RUNS AWAY?

WHAT IS SHE AFRAID OF?

LISA IS BLOWING THIS WAY OUT OF PROPORTION

BY DISTANCING HERSELF FROM ME AND HIDING BEHIND HER HUSBAND

RATHER THAN GOING, "OKAY, BRING IT ON, GIRL, WHAT--"

YOU KNOW, LET'S TALK.

- I THINK I'M GETTING AN ULCER.

- YOU'RE GETTING AN ULCER JUST FROM PUERTO RICO?

- I THINK I AM. - NO.

- JUST ALL THE DRAMA. I JUST--

JUST NEED A BREAK, YOU KNOW, FROM EVERYTHING.

- YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T TAKE A BREAK

UNTIL WE PUT ALL THE APPLES OUT ON THE TABLE.

I'M TAKING INVENTORY IN MY LIFE.

I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE CALLED ME YESTERDAY

AND NOT TEXTED ME TWO MINUTES BEFORE.

- HUH?

- I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSER THAN THAT.

I WANT TO KNOW THE FRIENDS THAT I AM GONNA GIVE MY TIME TO

ARE FRIENDS.

OKAY, TALK TO YOU LATER, ALLIGATOR. BYE.

- OKAY, BYE.

- HI, MOMMY. - HI, MY LOVE.

- IT LOOKS SO GOOD. - WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- I LOVE IT. - YEAH?

- YEAH. IT'S REALLY COOL.

- THIS IS ALL YOUR FAMILY AND THE FRIENDS--

AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, BABY.

- I KNOW. I LOVE IT.

- REMIND YOU OF HOME? - YEAH.

I LOVE THAT I CAN LOOK AT EVERYONE

AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHO DID ALL OF THEM.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

- THAT'S SO CUTE.

IT'S DONE. - COOL.

- WE HAVE ONE THING MORE OFF OUR TO-DO LIST, RIGHT?

- SO ARE YOU FEELING EXCITED AT ALL?

- NOT YET.

- OH, MY GOD, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THESE?

- OH, MY GOSH.

- THOSE ARE MY JACKETS.

- [chuckles]

- OH--OH. - I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

- THIS IS MY ROOM RIGHT HERE.

- IT FITS? KEY TURNS.

ALL RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT. - [chuckles]

- Y'KNOW...

- GO ON IN. [laughing] LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.

- THAT'S MY CLOSET.

- THAT'S NOT A CLOSET. - THAT'S MY CLOSET.

- DID YOU SEE THESE SUITCASES? - I KNOW.

THIS IS NOTHING. THERE'S A WHOLE TRUCK.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- JOHN, WHERE ARE WE GONNA PUT EVERYTHING?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT SLIDE ON IN. LET'S FIGURE IT OUT.

- IT'S VERY SMALL.

YOU COULD BARELY OPEN THE DOOR.

- THIS IS--OH...

THIS IS REALLY BAD.

- JESUS, WHAT'D YOU DO? RAID A, LIKE, APPLIANCE STORE?

- I'VE BEEN SHOPPING FOR THREE MONTHS.

HERE'S YOUR VACUUM. - HOLY SH--

- HERE'S YOUR OTHER MATTRESS COVER.

- HOW MANY MATTRESS COVERS DID YOU GET HER?

- I WANT THE CHILD TO BE COMFORTABLE.

- WHAT'S THE PINK BOW FOR? - I TIE HER BEDDING WITH THAT.

- IS THAT ANOTHER MATTRESS COVER?

- SHE'S GOT TO BE COMFORTABLE. - WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- PUT A MUZZLE ON IT, JOHN.

SERIOUSLY.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THAT'S HER FLUFFY BLANKET. - OH, MY GOD.

- COMING UP...

- I HAVE, LIKE, 1,000 THINGS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

THAT--OF ALL THE THINGS I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU.

- STAY STRONG...

WHEN I'M NOT THERE...

TO WATCH AFTER YOU.

- IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING? [laughs]

- OKAY, MOMMY, SO I HAVE TO WRITE A THING ABOUT YOU.

AND I HAVE TO INTERVIEW YOU, SO...

SO WHAT IS THEIR BIRTHPLACE? - GUERNSEY.

SO "WHAT IS THEIR NATIONAL HERITAGE?"

I AM A LITTLE BIT OF A MUTT, SO...

- WHAT'S A MUTT?

- A MUTT'S A DOG THAT HAS NO BREEDING.

MOMMY HAS CLASS, THOUGH.

I PICK THE GIRLS UP FROM SCHOOL EVERY DAY,

WE GET HOME, AND WE REALLY DO HAVE A RITUAL.

WE WALK IN THAT BLOODY DOOR,

WE SIT DOWN ON THE KITCHEN ISLAND,

AND THEY DO THEIR HOMEWORK.

I LOVE IT.

HI. - HI.

- HI, ELIZY. - HI, BABY.

- WE HAVE TO DO THIS ABOUT YOU.

AND IT'S ABOUT THE MOM. IT'S NOT A CHOICE.

- LET ME SEE.

- LOOK, YOU HAVE TO--

- YOU HAVE TO-- - OH, MY GOSH, LET ME SEE IT!

- "MY MOMMY KNOWS ME LIKE NOBODY KNOWS ME,

BUT I KNOW HER PRETTY WELL, TOO."

- MY MOMMY'S REALLY HOT.

- [laughs]

- WHY DON'T YOU DO DADDY?

- YOU'RE PUTTING FRESH WATER FOR THE BIRDS?

- THE BIRDBATH?

- YEAH. - OH.

- HOW YOU DOING, HONEY? - I'M GOOD.

- ALEXIA WAS OUT ON OUR FRIEND'S BOAT

AND CUT HER FOOT ON THE LADDER.

AS A MOM OF FOUR DAUGHTERS,

I'M ALWAYS WORRIED WHEN THE KIDS ARE OUT.

YOU KNOW, "DON'T WALK IN AN ALLEY."

I THINK IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN

TO KNOW HOW TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.

WALKING DOWN A DARK ALLEY,

HANGING OUT WITH WOMEN AT LUNCH...

YOU CAN KILL SOMEBODY BY THE WAY YOU HOLD THEIR NECK.

LIKE THAT, YOU CAN KILL THEM.

AUNT KIM ALMOST KILLED ME.

- ON THE GROUND.

- THIS IS THE SIDE YOU DON'T SEE!

- ON THE GROUND. - THIS IS THE KIM--

SO YOU COME UP TO SOMEBODY LIKE--HOLD ON.

LIKE THIS.

AND THEN YOU GRAB YOUR BICEP.

YOU PUT YOUR ARM BACK HERE, AND IF YOU SQUEEZE...

DOES THAT FEEL SCARY? - NO. IT FEELS COMFORTABLE.

- [laughs]

- SOPHIA, YOU'RE BIGGER THAN ME. - THIS IS A CHANCE TO BEAT MAMA.

- COME JUMP ON ME.

- [grunts] - [laughs]

- THEN I WOULD--HERE, I'M GONNA KICK YOU IN THE BALLS.

THEN I WOULD DO THIS.

THEN I WOULD DO THAT.

- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP. - AND THEN I WOULD DO THIS.

NO, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU. NO!

I'M NOT--I'M NOT GONNA--

SEE, YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE.

SOPHIE. - OW, THIS REALLY HURTS!

[laughs]

OH, MY GOD, THE DOG IS HELPING ME.

- HEY! - AAH!

NO, BUT LOOK. WAIT.

DON'T ALL GIRLS WANT TO BEAT THEIR MOM UP?

HEY! PORTIA!

- [laughing] - STOP IT! STOP!

STOP.

- [laughing hysterically]

- OH, MY GOD. OKAY.

- BIG NAILS ARE IN--NO, NO, THEY'RE IN THE OTHER BOX.

- YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE--

I FORGOT TO--WE FORGOT TO GET YOU A SEWING KIT.

- I WAS GOING TO GRAB ONE TODAY,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU HAD ALREADY GOTTEN IT.

SO IT'S OKAY. I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

- I'VE GIVEN HER ADVICE FOR 18 YEARS.

AS MUCH AS I'M GONNA BE, I MEAN,

HEARTBROKEN NOT TO SEE HER EVERY DAY,

I'M EXCITED FOR HER TO SPREAD HER WINGS.

- ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL PUT THE SHORT ONES...

- THERE, AND PUT THIS ONE--

PUT THOSE NEXT TO YOUR BED.

- NO, WAIT, THIS ISN'T BAD.

- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE GONNA BE COVERING THE PICTURE--

LET ME SEE--TAKE THAT ONE.

SEE, THIS IS BETTER 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T COVER THE PHOTO.

- OKAY.

IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

- [laughs]

I KNOW, IN AN HOUR FROM NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA...

- YEAH. - YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE THE PLA--

- THAT'S GONNA BE OVER THERE.

- I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE A BABY

BECAUSE THERE'S MILLIONS OF MOTHERS

THAT ARE DOING THE SAME THING THAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.

BUT IT'S JUST--IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN I EVER IMAGINED.

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD'VE WRITTEN A MANUAL FOR--

WITH A CHECKLIST OF ALL THE THINGS

YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR DAUGHTER

WHEN SHE GOES OFF TO COLLEGE.

[laughs]

- YOU NEEDED TO WRITE A MANUAL ABOUT IT?

- YEAH, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I FORGOT

A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS.

- [laughs] OH, MY GOD.

- LIKE MY BRAIN IS GOING CRAZY, LIKE, I'M THINKING, OKAY,

MAKE SURE YOU SAVE ALL YOUR RECEIPTS

FOR YOUR HAIR APPOINTMENTS.

[both laugh] - OH, GOD.

- AND LIKE, IF YOU GO AND GET YOUR NAILS DONE,

YOUR HAIR, MAKE SURE YOU SAVE THE RECEIPTS

BECAUSE IT'S ALL TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.

I HAVE, LIKE, 1,000 THINGS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

OF ALL THE THINGS I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU.

- WELL, THERE'S, LIKE, A PHONE,

AND, LIKE, FACETIME AND STUFF, YOU KNOW.

LIKE, WE CAN EMAIL EACH OTHER.

I'M NOT, LIKE, DYING, I'M GOING TO COLLEGE.

- I KNOW. I KNOW. - IT'S OKAY. I'LL BE FINE.

- I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

IT'S JUST MY--

- THERE'S A REASON THAT YOU WAIT 18 YEARS TO GO TO COLLEGE.

- YEAH.

- BECAUSE IF YOUR KID'S NOT READY TO GO TO COLLEGE AT 18,

YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB PARENTING.

- NO, I KNOW. I KNOW.

BUT DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOUR RECEIPTS?

BECAUSE IT'S TAX-DEDUCTIBLE? - YES, MOM.

I ALREADY MADE A FOLDER FOR IT THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

- OKAY, YOU SEE, YEAH, NO, I GOTTA JUST TRUST YOU.

YOU'RE A LOT SMARTER THAN I WAS WHEN I WAS 18, FOR SURE.

WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?

- THANKSGIVING.

- AND HOW MANY WEEKS IS THAT?

- NOT THAT FAR.

- WELL, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME, MY LOVEY.

I LEFT MY FAMILY VERY EARLY ON,

AND I WOULDN'T SEE THEM FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

SO I KNOW THE LIFE. THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL.

HUGGY.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

I LOVE YOU. - YOU, TOO.

- I MISS YOU ALREADY.

- YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY.

WE'RE NOT CRYING. WE'RE NOT CRYING.

- I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU TOO.

- OKAY, BE SAFE. - I WILL. I'LL BE FINE.

I WILL BE FINE. PLEASE DON'T CRY.

- I KNOW YOU--I'M NOT-- I KNOW YOU'RE FINE.

I TRUST THAT YOU'RE FINE. I JUST MISS YOU.

- I MISS YOU TOO.

LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU. BYE.

I LOVE YOU.

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- I'M GONNA MISS HER.

- THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DO EVERYTHING AND CARRY EVERYTHING.

- ABSOLUTELY.

I'M GONNA RUN DOWN TO THE CAR. I LOVE YOU.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU. ALL RIGHT?

- I LOVE YOU. - SEE YOU LATER.

- I'LL CALL YOU IN A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S WEIRD.

- HOW GRATEFUL I AM

TO BE HERE TODAY.

TO WATCH HER GO OFF TO COLLEGE.

- WE'RE GOOD.

- YOU'RE GONNA DO GOOD, AND I'M GONNA DO GOOD,

AND WE'RE GONNA BE GREAT.

- THERE WAS A TIME

WHEN I ALMOST WASN'T HERE

FOR THIS.

THAT... [sniffles]

EVERY DAY SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN A JOY.

I HAVE LOVED WATCHING YOU GROW.

ALL RIGHT.

WITH YOU THERE'S BEEN A BOND.

- MY BEST FRIEND.

- YEAH.

- STAY STRONG WHEN I'M NOT THERE

TO WATCH AFTER YOU.

- IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING? [laughs]

WILL YOU MISS ME?

[both sniffle]

YOU LOOK HERE.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK OF ME.

I'M RIGHT HERE. RIGHT-- I'M EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

I LOVE YOU.

- COMING UP...

- IT'S RIDICULOUS IF WE DON'T GO JUST BECAUSE

YOU'RE WORRIED WHO WE'RE GONNA RUN INTO.

- YEAH, BUT AFTER THE LAST TIME MEETING YOUR FRIENDS--

- THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS TOO. - THEY WERE.

[dogs barking] - STOP IT.

[dog whimpers, barks]

YOU'RE LIKE OUR FRIENDS, AREN'T YOU?

FIGHTING FOR FIRST PLACE.

KEN, COME ON.

- SORRY, BABY. I KNOW I'M LATE. I'M COMING.

- YOU'RE LATE BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO. YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I MEAN, WE'VE GOT TO GO SUPPORT BEVERLY HILLS.

WE HAVE TO.

IT'S RIDICULOUS IF WE DON'T GO JUST BECAUSE

YOU'RE WORRIED WHO WE'RE GONNA RUN INTO.

- YEAH, BUT AFTER THE LAST TIME MEETING YOUR FRIENDS--

- YOU JUST DON'T LIKE IT THAT SOMEBODY

MAY BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN THE GODDAMN STORY RIGHT, KEN.

- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

ALL RIGHT, WE'VE BEEN SET UP. WELL DONE.

- THERE'S NOBODY WHO'S BEEN SET UP.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- - THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS TOO. - THEY WERE.

NOT MY FRIENDS. - WELL...

- NOBODY TREATS YOU LIKE THAT AND I CALL THEM A FRIEND.

- KEN... - I'M SORRY.

THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS.

- I WOULD RATHER TONIGHT WAS JUST GO DO

WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO AS PART OF THE COMMUNITY

AND THEN GET OUT.

- I'M SWEATING, BECAUSE--

- LISTEN, IF THERE'S A PROBLEM, WE'LL LEAVE,

JUST THE WAY WE DID IN PUERTO RICO.

I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

I GET IT. I'M STRONGER NOW.

- I'M THE STRONG ONE. COME ON, LET'S GO.

- YEAH, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET INVOLVED.

- I WON'T. I'LL JUST HAVE THE-- - NO, SERIOUSLY, DON'T.

RISE ABOVE IT. - DON'T WORRY.

I'LL HAVE THE MAYOR THROW THEM OUT.

- OH, STOP.

I'M GONNA BE POLITE, AREN'T I?

BUT WHEN I LEFT PUERTO RICO,

I DIDN'T CARE IF I SAW ANY OF THESE WOMEN AGAIN,

APART FROM CARLTON AND JOYCE, I SUPPOSE.

I STILL FEEL THAT WAY.

I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.

- NEXT TIME ON THE SEASON FINALE

OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- ARE YOU MY FRIEND? DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME?

I NEED TO KNOW THAT.

- I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. OKAY?

- SHE'S IN YOUR EAR, AND I'VE HAD HER IN MY EAR BEFORE.

- SHE'S NOT IN MY EAR, I'M JUST SAYING I DIDN'T SEE A MAGAZINE.

- WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING?

- OH, IT'S COMPLICATED.

- THEY COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.

DON'T TOUCH ME.

DO NOT TOUCH ME, KEN.

- WHO GIVES A [bleep] ABOUT A [bleep] WHORE?

I'M SORRY, I DON'T.

- DARLING, I DON'T SEE HER LIKE THAT. I'M SORRY.

- SO THEN WE'RE NOT TRULY FRIENDS.