Original subtitles

YOLANDA: Previously on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

KIM: Kimberly's graduation, which you didn't make.

LISA: I was in Missouri.

My hairdresser saw you at SUR.

Oh, maybe I came back Saturday night.

KIM: Yeah.

LISA: Yeah.

So what we all planning?

Ken's birthday--

- Oh my god. - --and Mauricio.

All right, we do something [INAUDIBLE] right away, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is Yolanda here?

She's having her daughter's wedding or something.

Oh, not her daughter.

Oh, It's her stepdaughter's--

Stepdaughter's wedding.

Yeah.

Oh, on the same night?

Yeah.

You really are the best husband, the best daddy,

the best friend in the world--

best husband and the best-- what is it?

Hold on. KYLE: The best husband.

The best daddy.

LISA: The best husband.

BRANDI: I'm super shocked that Kyle and Lisa are BFFs again.

This is weird.

CARLTON: You thought the star on the back of my neck

was a Jewish star when you know I'm bloody Wicca, so, please,

[BLEEP].

You're a phony, and you're full of [BLEEP]..

[THEME MUSIC]

KYLE: I'm from this town.

I know what's real and what's fake.

YOLANDA: Don't tell me you're my friend, act like one.

BRANDI: In Beverly Hills, the higher you climb, the farther

you fall.

KIM: Everybody loves a comeback story, especially starring me.

CARLTON: In my world, money doesn't talk.

It swears.

JOYCE: You could never be too young, too thin, or too honest.

LISA: Life is a sexy little dance,

and I like to take the lead.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you.

Good morning, [INAUDIBLE].

Morning, how are you?

YOLANDA: Gigi's graduating.

She's moving to New York, so Mohamed and I

are throwing Gigi a graduation slash going away party.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mohamed's house has the perfect Arabic room downstairs.

So since Gigi wants to do an Arabic dinner and eat some

of her favourite foods, I thought it'd be

the perfect place to do it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Typically, the kids don't like to have parties at their dad's

house because they're kind of embarrassed

by the size of the house.

Mohamed's house, I think, is like 50,000 square feet.

I mean, it's huge.

So usually, all their birthday parties

are always at my house, which is big, too,

but it's, you know, small compared to that size.

Good morning, lovebirds.

Good morning.

Hey.

How are you?

What a romantic breakfast that is.

YOLANDA: Mohamed and I have known each other 20 years.

We have three beautiful children together.

We don't let our egos or our feelings about each other

get in the way of our priority, which is our three children.

Fresh croissant?

YOLANDA: It's, you know-- you know what?

I'm still on my diet, so I'm only doing vegetables.

Really?

Not even?

Let me just smell it.

And dutch.

Look there.

Ah.

Yeah, isn't that good?

SHIVA: Smells so go. MOHAMED: Have one piece.

Can you eat through the nose?

MOHAMED: Yeah, yeah, you can, actually.

SHIVA: No fruit?

YOLANDA: No, you know, I'm just going to have some tea.

We're talking about Gigi leaving town.

Oh my god, Mohamed.

If you see the room.

I'm devastated.

If you see the room, I have, like boxes--

like, 12 boxes.

I mean, we're cleaned out all her drawers, the nightstand--

SHIVA: Aw.

YOLANDA: --all the books.

I'm just so crazy, so I was going

to ask you if you could help.

SHIVA: Yeah, of course.

YOLANDA: --maybe, you know-- SHIVA: I'd love to.

--Gigi's party because it's going to be here in a week,

and I honestly haven't even started.

SHIVA: I would love to.

- Hi, [INAUDIBLE]. - Hi.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

She wants-- really wants Arabic food.

SHIVA: Really?

She wants daddy to cook for her.

SHIVA: To cook?

YOLANDA: I mean-- - I will.

I'll cook for her.

YOLANDA: I know it's a lot of--

And you help me a little bit, right?

SHIVA: In the kitchen? MOHAMED: She's very good.

She's a good cook. - You are?

She really is.

YOLANDA: I really like Shiva.

Being together with a woman for a year and a half

is pretty serious for Mohamed.

Shiva is in control of this whole thing.

SHIVA: The party planner.

YOLANDA: Good, good, good.

She is.

SHIVA: No, I'm just helping.

She loves Gigi.

No, I'm so glad you're helping because it's--

I'm so overwhelmed right now.

I can't-- between the wedding, and Gigi packing, and--

MOHAMED: I know.

SHIVA: Yeah.

The wedding was amazing, wasn't it?

YOLANDA: Beautiful. - So pretty.

Wasn't that beautiful?

SHIVA: It was.

It was a beautiful day.

SHIVA: It was so much fun.

Yeah.

SHIVA: I loved the speeches.

They were so nice.

Oh, David crying.

MOHAMED: Yeah-- - I know.

MOHAMED: --David cry.

YOLANDA: We had David's youngest daughter's wedding

at Mohamed's house a couple of days ago, and, of course,

I mean, I wouldn't miss that for the world.

That's family, and family goes before friends.

Wasn't that beautiful? It was a--

- It was - --beautiful day.

It was--

SHIVA: It was so sweet.

YOLANDA: It was really sweet.

You know, the funny thing talking about the wedding,

Lisa had a party the same night.

Yeah, oh, well, she asked me to come to--

Her party.

MOHAMED: I said, I'm going to a wedding.

I'm going to be in the wedding in my house.

Yeah.

MOHAMED: And she asked me who it was,

and I said it was Yolanda's stepdaughter.

Yeah.

So I'm sure Yolanda--

She knows that I would be attending to the wedding

or my stepdaughter.

MOHAMED: Yeah, I think she maybe-- she

just-- maybe she just forgot.

She has going on-- so much going on.

We all have. - Amnesia?

YOLANDA: Lisa seems to these days be all about Lisa.

My daughter's painting party, that's important to me.

And she knew that my stepdaughter was getting

married at Mohamed's house, and she's

still organising a late birthday party for Mauricio and Ken.

And on top of it, she tries to invite Mohamed.

It's just frustrating.

Well, no, no, no, no, she's pretty smart.

That girl is-- she is on the ball,

but I think she just-- a lot of things happening.

No, I know, but still.

I mean, really.

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

KYLE: I've been getting pretty good at this, you know?

MAURICIO: Knock it down.

Use your legs.

Ugh, I'm outside.

MAURICIO: Use your legs.

I do use my legs.

There you go.

KYLE: Oh, yes!

MAURICIO: Two points. - That's what I'm saying.

I want to end on a good note.

MAURICIO: All right.

What's up?

Hi, honey.

Did you talk to Alexia today about that thing she's asking?

I did.

And what did you say?

Um, I basically--

I told her that--

ALEXIA: He made me promise that I'd be responsible,

and I make all the right choices,

and do nothing that I would ever regret,

and that if anything were to happen,

you guys are the first I'd call.

And, you know, just be smart.

That's what I told her.

Alexia asks if she can go on a weekend with her friends,

and I do believe that making them

responsible for their own actions is the best method.

You have to remember--

I just want to say a couple things really fast, OK?

I know that you're responsible, and I trust you.

You know, we don't always know what other people are doing.

In this age, you know, people can bring

out drugs or this and that.

Obviously, I know, you're going to make the right choice

but just be aware of that.

And I don't ever want your drink left alone ever.

I'm worried about everything-- driving, sex, drugs.

You name it, I'm worried about it.

All right, I love you guys.

- Love you. - Love you.

Have fun.

Love you.

So anyway, I was with Joyce, and she--

you know how she has that pageant, the Queen

of the Universe Pageant?

Yeah.

She's going to Puerto Rico--

Oh, cool.

--which I know you love, to do a photo shoot there.

And I was telling her how much we loved it

and how we spent our anniversary there.

I was thinking wouldn't it be fun if we went too?

I could call and see.

I mean, I could always go check on the sales centre, and--

So you mean just a little romance

with me wouldn't be enough?

You have to combine it with business

to make a trip out of it.

Well, I don't have to combine it with business.

Is that what you're telling me?

[LAUGHS] No, don't have to combine it with business.

I will make it worth your while.

I will make it worth your while.

I do not have to combine--

I'm telling you.

Let's go

Making it worth your while.

Trust me.

You'd rather be with me than the sales managers.

That's for sure.

Ah!

Hey, you can't-- oh, almost!

Oh, I was so close and yet so far.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ERIC: Hello.

CARLTON: How are you, honey?

Good.

It's all coming together.

Is it really?

I'm, like, stressing already.

Yeah.

Where's David?

ERIC: He's right here.

Hello.

Hey, babe.

[LAUGHS]

How you doing?

I need a [INAUDIBLE].

A what?

David and his family own a multimillion dollar

financial institution in the heart of Beverly Hills, which

he runs with his two brothers.

Yes, we have made a tonne of [BLEEP] money.

Eric, Carlton wants to yell at you.

ERIC: Oh, yeah? - Shut up.

ERIC: I love that. - Really?

Talk dirty.

[LAUGHS]

DAVID: No, she just wants to make

sure everything's on track.

Yeah, I just saw--

DAVID: Any suggestions or whatever.

Yeah, do you want to-- we can just do--

Can we just do a quick walk? ERIC: Yeah, no Problem.

All right, lovely.

Thank you, babe.

I actually love being part of a large family business

because I'm a single child.

so coming into this huge Italian family was a challenge.

But I think I rule.

So out front, we're going to have a red carpet.

We're going to have a--

Where is it coming from?

From the left.

From El Camino, the red carpet will lead into the entrance.

The StockCross 40th anniversary is a big deal,

and we wanted to take that opportunity

to thank our current clients.

And we're going to have a great party to boot.

But what cars are going in the front?

So we have a Lamborghini--

Yeah.

--and, I think, a Phantom.

And then in the back, we have a Lamborghini Aventador--

Nice.

--which it's like the Batmobile.

I want a Batmobile.

Yeah, it's really cool.

It's just letting them know that we are here to stay.

Yes, we have made money, but you are making money too.

ERIC: We have four servers, and we have four bartenders.

OK.

And then Nic's is going to have four servers as well, so--

Yeah, because I want to make it so there's no--

We're going to-- yeah, I don't want people to stand

around with an empty up.

And then so how are we going to greet everybody?

We have four people checking people in.

David's going to stand up.

I'm going to say, hi, welcome--

ERIC: G-string. - --thank you.

[LAUGHS] G-string.

In his Leopard skin--

[LAUGHTER]

CARLTON: Don't let me get my cat o' nine tails!

[LAUGHTER]

KYLE: Anyway, you have to hear of email I just got.

What happened?

So remember we were invited to Carlton and David's party

that he's having for his company?

MAURICIO: Yeah.

So I just got an email saying that I am no longer invited

but that you are.

MAURICIO: Come on, as if I would go without you.

Give me a break.

Honey, have fun.

Have fun. - Yeah, I'll see you later.

No, but can you believe, seriously?

Well, that's nice of them to invite me.

I'm not invited, which obviously--

I feel very good about--

I feel very--

Well, first of all, it's obvious I wouldn't go anyway

after what happened at Lisa's.

You're full of [BLEEP].

You have been rude.

You've been judging.

Nasty, disgusting--

If you don't want to be judged for being a Wiccan,

then don't act like a witch.

So to go out of your way to say, you know, you're dis-invited,

but we'd like Mauricio to come, that's, like,

an extra insult slap.

Carlton is ridiculous.

My husband's going to come?

Yeah, that's going to happen.

Ridiculous.

I feel like writing back, don't worry.

We had no intentions of going.

Well, obviously, you know she doesn't like you.

And that's fine.

What do you say?

That's why there's--

31 flavours in an ice cream shop.

Exactly.

Right?

KYLE: Coming up.

Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

[THEME MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JOYCE: Hey.

Good morning, ladies.

Good seeing you.

He looks like he's coming with a vengeance.

- Absolutely. - No.

- We got to bring it today. - No, Rob.

We got to bring it today.

You have to kill Ivette, but not me.

Well, I'll make sure you ladies get

both equal punishment today.

- No punishment. - Oh my god.

What is that thing?

What is this?

This--

That looks like you're going to S and M me.

Well--

[LAUGHS]

That's what I thought it looked like.

IVETTE: That looks like-- - Get ready.

Kneel.

--you're supposed to put this in your mouth.

It's like, kneel, girl.

Well, you know, it's going to go around the ankles,

so it's going to really target the glutes.

JOYCE: Oh, we like the glutes.

So we want to make sure they stay firm and tight.

We like the-- we need Ivette's butt

to stay perfect like it is.

OK.

JOYCE: Ivette has a really important photo shoot in Puerto

Rico, so out of support, I want to work out with her,

although working out is not really my thing.

So you ladies ready?

IVETTE: Yes, let's do it.

OK, first thing I want to do is just give me a couple

of laps around the pool.

Let's go.

Three laps.

JOYCE: I go twice a year for vacationing in Puerto Rico

and visiting my family, and then twice

a year, my mother comes to LA.

So I love to have my family always

together and always around me.

I'm going to leave you behind, so he can be harder on you.

Harder?

Yeah.

You want to go faster?

ROB: OK, a little bit faster, ladies.

I wasn't raised with the golden crib

like they would say.

I was raised very poor.

I was milking cows.

I had a lot of roosters, a lot of chickens.

I had a turkey that I would sing to and go--

[TURKEY CALL]

Let's go 15 reverse lunges.

I want you to drive that back knee down toward the ground.

Make sure you squeeze in the glutes when you come up.

JOYCE: I've invited Kyle and Mauricio,

and I want them to see how friendly everyone is

and how warm and welcoming people are.

And I want them to understand where I come from.

ROB: And go.

There you go.

Walk--

IVETTE: I thought she has to squat into it?

ROB: --forward little bit. There you go.

JOYCE: Because us Puerto Ricans, we're really, really nice,

and we're really friendly and welcoming.

And then once you mess with us, then it's on.

OK, and we're done.

Let's go eat some cake.

ROB: Food is fuel for the body.

JOYCE: Cupcakes?

ROB: No.

JOYCE: Cakes.

ROB: That's not fuel.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID: Need one more fought by the United States in the 1900s.

YOLANDA: Cold War?

DAVID: No.

YOLANDA: The warm war.

[LAUGHS] What is the supreme law of the land?

YOLANDA: The Constitution.

Perfect.

YOLANDA: I've been in America for about 30 years.

My children are an American citizen.

My husband is now an American citizen.

That's why it's really important for me

to pass the citizenship test that is coming

up in the next couple of days.

First three words of the Constitution.

We, the people.

When I first came to New York at the age of 16,

I just thought I was going to work, make a lot of money,

and go back to Holland.

I never imagined I would spend the rest of my life in America.

I'm so scared that I'm going to screw up on Friday

and not remember anything.

You're going to ace it.

YOLANDA: David and I are probably

different from the typical Beverly Hills

marriage because he's Canadian.

I'm Dutch.

We both grew up in a very humble and simple home.

Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

Jefferson.

What's his first name?

DAVID: Thomas.

Thomas Jefferson.

How am I going to remember that?

DAVID: I don't know.

Maybe they won't ask you.

[LAUGHS] Lyme disease has really severely attacked

my brain and my brain function, and it makes me very insecure

because I'm a perfectionist.

I don't want to make a mistake, so the poor guy

is, like, pounding my brain every night over

and over again.

Oh, you'll get this.

What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?

I don't know.

Really?

It's a southern state.

Louisiana?

Yes.

Oh my god.

How did I know that?

Because you remembered.

YOLANDA: To finally become an American citizen is kind

of feeling like I'm finally--

have come home.

If the vice president can't become president,

who becomes president?

The--

This.

Speaker of the house.

Yes, and what's his name?

I remember.

It's the Dutch word for leg, which is been,

so his name is Boehner.

Boehner, right?

DAVID: Perfect.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I love this.

It looks good.

It's fantastic.

Really nice.

CARLTON: Hi.

Hey, beautiful.

How you doing?

Yeah, it looks amazing.

My father-in-law came on the boat from Sicily with nothing

and built his business from the ground up.

You're fabulous.

You look fabulous.

Oh, wow.

This is amazing.

Hey, babe.

I started working at the company myself,

and I ended up marrying the boss's son.

I want to see the vodka bar that's set up.

The vodka--

That's what I'm looking for.

Tequila, vodka, and--

- Oh, OK. - Why?

Are you drinking tonight? - Yeah.

Right.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow, it's a big deal.

Big deal.

Big.

LISA: Should we go around the front?

Come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi.

- Hello. - Hey.

Hi.

We came for you.

Yeah.

Hi.

Well--

You're stunning.

[INAUDIBLE]

Ken.

How many people tonight?

Well, we're supposed to--

we were confirmed, like, at 750.

750?

I've been Carlton's house to a pool party.

Keep moving.

What's wrong with you?

What did you put those naked women at the door

for, for God's sakes?

But this is a business party, and the two

are obviously polar opposites.

Darling, can you get me a drink?

KEN: Yeah, what do you want?

Anything.

I wanted to apologise for what went down at your party

because I had no intention that could go sideways like that.

I know. It was horrible.

It was awful.

And then you left.

Well, of course, I left.

Now it's unresolved, you know.

And it's like--

Unresolved?

No.

No, no.

Listen to me, OK?

I feel that you kind of pulled this one wrong.

I really do.

I think this whole star thing--

Is that a Jewish star?

Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?

If it was me, I wouldn't recognise

if it was a bloody shooting star on the back of your neck.

You know what I mean?

The star was, honestly, just a multitude of things that

happened between Kyle and I.

Right.

So I haven't seen the build up to it?

No.

OK, then I can't understand it.

Well--

Because it just looked like you were--

maybe you were kind of overreacting to the star thing.

CARLTON: Lisa, she's trying to diffuse the animosity,

and I get that.

But knowing how she felt about Kyle in the past,

it does sting.

I don't think the star thing was her--

that was her intention.

I'm not-- I know--

I would disagree with you.

She calls me anti-Semitic.

Obviously, you're anti-Semitic.

There is nothing anti-Semitic about me, and don't you

[BLEEP] dare go there.

I lived in South Africa during apartheid,

and I saw the awful things that were going on

and the pain these poor people were going through.

When I left that night, I was devastated.

I have never-- - That's--

No, no, no.

I had African friends, and I would get followed

home from school and harassed.

Yeah.

But that, for me, I have never ever in my life been accused

of something so heinous.

I don't understand how you have such hate

for another human being for no [BLEEP] reason.

So when she calls me something like that, it cuts me.

I really like you, Lisa.

And I know that you are very fair, and you see things--

I try to be.

But you are.

I try to be, but I haven't seen the build up to it.

And I like you, and I just don't want it to look like you're--

you know, you're overreacting.

There's nothing that's innocent about Kyle's remarks

to me.

There hasn't been.

Maybe you need to have another conversation with her.

No.

Well, you've got to.

I don't have to.

So what are you going to do?

You're not going to talk to her?

I have nothing left to say to her.

- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

I don't ever get--

I have never [INAUDIBLE].

I don't want to do this here.

OK, don't do it.

Don't do it.

KYLE: Coming up.

To be accused of something that is just mind-blowing

to me, it hurts deep.

The only thing we have in common

is we shared my husband's penis for a hot [BLEEP] second.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You're a strong woman.

Stop it.

It's OK.

Thanks, darling.

I can see you're upset.

I didn't realise you were that upset that night because you

come across as tougher.

I don't know if it's a British thing, but I never want to cry.

I always want to hold it together,

and I feel she was like that as well.

I wish the other women could have seen that.

I just-- I've never.

Listen, I don't judge--

Honey, I'm going to walk around.

LISA: OK.

I think it's because I am--

I come from such a place of spirituality,

and I really don't judge people on anything.

That to be accused of something that is just mind-blowing

to me, it hurts deep.

This is affecting my family's name, the Gebbia name,

and our clientele is predominantly Jewish.

You could destroy the [BLEEP] business, so if you--

I just-- God, I don't want to do this.

I couldn't believe I was labelled that for nothing--

I don't even know where that came from.

--for just a fight.

But that's my point though.

I just--

LISA: Clearly.

--I don't know what to do.

I think it's a huge misunderstanding.

I put money on it.

You don't think so?

No.

OK, well, you've come to your own conclusion.

I honestly couldn't tell you where

we go from this point, where I go

with her, because as far as I'm concerned,

she didn't exist to me.

LISA: I can't defend what Kyle said to Carlton,

but I can defend her character.

She's a good girl, really, and this is kind of all

been blown out of context.

All right, let's go in, shall we?

OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mum, this is Lisa.

Hi, Lisa.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

What I wanted to tell you, Will Smith's ex-wife wife

is here, Sheree.

Oh, there should be a planet for ex-wives.

Sorry, just saying.

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You don't have to walk us out, Carlton.

Stay here with your guests.

I want to find--

[INAUDIBLE] time.

Stop. - Thank you.

Babe.

Thank you so much for coming out tonight.

- You're welcome. - I really appreciate it.

Bye, Ken.

I was looking for you.

Bye, thank you so much for coming.

Oh, love it.

Love it.

Thank you.

I have a lot of respect for Lisa.

I really like her, but the shoe had been on the other foot,

and she had been accused of such a hateful name,

I think she would see where I'm coming from.

Well, I'm glad we went because it looks like nobody

else has shown up, and I--

That was fantastic.

I know, right?

Hi.

Ah, you're here.

KEN: Hi.

How are you doing?

Good, I have to go to SUR.

Do you?

No--

You look good.

What'd you do?

[LAUGHS]

Still mad at you though.

Mad at him?

Still mad at him.

What are you mad at him about?

He's in the doghouse.

Oh, you didn't come to his birthday.

KEN: We were both very upset.

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

KEN: We were both very upset.

Don't even go--

Yes, I'm going there.

Where were you?

(BRITISH ACCENT) Well, I was in Wisconsin.

But where were you?

(BRITISH ACCENT) Let me show you the pictures.

KEN: Have you got my present with you?

(BRITISH ACCENT) Wait. Let me show you.

Where were you?

(BRITISH ACCENT) I was in Wisconsin.

- But I-- - (BRITISH ACCENT) I was on--

KEN: Wisconsin? - (BRITISH ACCENT) --a trip.

To what?

Missouri?

(BRITISH ACCENT) I can show you the video.

I want it to be nice and friendly.

At the same time, I'm still not happy with the way

Ken treated me.

Carlton went?

Yeah, everybody but Lisa.

I'm sure there's a lot of things

Kim hasn't turned up for.

That was really uncalled for.

He's not off the hook.

(BRITISH ACCENT) I was in Wisconsin.

Bugger off.

[LAUGHS]

KEN: We believe you. We believe you.

Go on. Go in on your own.

Go, get in there. - Go on.

Do the red carpet.

(BRITISH ACCENT) I was on vacation.

I was doing a charity.

Good for you.

I'm glad you're doing-- - Bye.

--a bit of charity work.

Come on.

Hi.

KIM: Hi.

How are you?

[INAUDIBLE]

Thanks for coming.

Thank you for having me.

You look beautiful.

Hi, I've been looking for you all this time.

You look beautiful.

[BLEEP] stunning.

How are you?

Good, how are you?

Hi, honey, how are you?

Hi, angel.

Hi, how are you?

Oh, thank you so much for your [INAUDIBLE] the other night.

[INAUDIBLE]

KIM: How are you feeling?

My tongue swelled up, and I can't--

Why?

Like, you see how swollen?

It's been horrible couple of days.

I ate something last night, and my throat is swollen.

And I bit it twice.

Try not to talk so much.

Wah.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm sorry.

As my tongue continues to swell, I will choke on it

and die.

I love Brandi.

Oh, she's like my little big sister.

Auntie, I really do.

I feel the same.

And this was a rough one for us.

Yeah, we have--

We did not start out--

We started out gangster bitches.

I will [BLEEP] kill you!

OK, you're a slut [INAUDIBLE].

No one is hurting anyone in this house.

But today, I really truly would

have her back for anything.

Aw, thank you, babe.

[INAUDIBLE] that's awesome.

Yeah.

Kim and I, we're really starting

to bond over being single mothers

and getting older in this town.

Beverly Hills is a tough town.

BRANDI: I need to grab you for one minute.

KIM: Oh, OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So, dear--

So really quick, I just wanted to talk to you

because the other night at Mauricio

and Ken's birthday was at Lisa's house,

your sister and Carlton got into, like, this huge argument.

KIM: Carlton and Kyle haven't gotten off to the best start.

But Carlton cast spells, so if I were Kyle, I'd be nice.

Which, for me, I couldn't get them--

I mean, Carlton was wrong in starting it.

Shouldn't have.

But, you know, going to Lisa's house

is difficult because she had her SUR staff waiting there,

and I see the SUR staff all the time when I have to go to SUR.

And I wasn't told that they were going to be at her house.

The girl that had cheated?

Right.

I wasn't prepared going to Lisa's home to see Sheena.

Sure, I'm going to run into at SUR.

I mean, I get that.

She works there, but there's a lot of servers

that Lisa could've had at her house.

So Lisa asked me to talk to her about marriage.

I have a different outlook on marriage thanks partly to you,

but--

Thank you.

Oh, that wasn't a compliment.

I just said [INAUDIBLE],, babe, I have nothing to say.

I go, I really am not going to do this.

It was disgusting.

The only thing we have in common is we shared my husband's

penis for a hot [BLEEP] second.

You know what I mean though? - Right.

I was just like, I'm not doing this.

It's not comfortable for me to always--

and I totally said no already.

I said I'm not going to talk to her.

Why would she have her there knowing you're there?

I don't know.

If you were my friend and you were coming to my home,

I wouldn't have that.

Huge staff, two restaurants.

Really?

Lisa, come on.

Get a grip.

How's your relationship with Lisa right now?

It's, you know--

To me, it seems like I feel the tension

with Lisa sometimes.

I like her a lot.

I mean, there's moments I just love her,

and then there's moments I just like, uh.

But, like, she's like, we don't have a problem.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, I think we do sometimes, and she

keeps telling me we don't.

But I think we do sometimes.

Lisa's always dismissive of me.

She's belittling to me, but she paints a picture of I

care so much about you.

Like I, you know-- (BRITISH ACCENT)

I care about you, darling.

I care I have a problem with some of the things she did,

like in Palm Springs.

I think she's very-- like she dismisses people.

Remember the way she treated Joyce

when we were at Carlton's?

Yeah.

When Joyce went to touch her hair?

And I was like-- remember the look we gave each other?

Yeah.

I was just fixing your hair, and you went, I don't care.

So is that your point?

You were so rude to me.

That was just mean.

It's hard to catch Lisa doing her naughtiness,

so when I saw her being mean to Joyce, I was shocked.

I've never been on the other side of that.

I don't want to be ever on that side.

LISA: Coming up.

How much jewellery talking about?

Probably somewhere between a half a million and a million.

Stassi, I trust you, but--

AMY: But not that much. - --not that much.

AMY: OK.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID: You're going to do great, I promise.

That's a promise.

Should I leave my purse with you?

Yeah, yeah.

The big day is finally here.

I'm excited to become an American citizen,

fingers crossed, if I pass the test.

OK, now we'll take the tests.

What does the president's cabinet do?

Advise the president.

How many justices are there on the Supreme Court?

Nine.

Name one branch of the government.

Executive.

What did the Declaration of Independence do?

They announced independence from Great Britain.

Correct.

My hands are, like, sweating.

Please, God, give me the, you know--

give me the information.

If both the president and the vice president

can no longer serve, who becomes the president?

Um, the speaker of the House.

That's correct.

That concludes your tests.

You have passed.

Thank you.

Woo-hoo!

I did it!

Don't [BLEEP] with America.

I did it!

DAVID: I knew you would.

This is great.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I've been married forever, 31 years this year.

Be proud of that. That's wonderful.

- Huh? - Be proud of it.

It's wonderful.

LISA: Sometimes [INAUDIBLE].

Especially in Beverly Hills.

Oh, yeah.

Most people have been married 31 times.

[LAUGHS]

Lisa?

Stassi.

What's going on?

OK, I'm doing a photo shoot.

I'm doing a cover of a magazine, and so I

thought maybe it'd be fun for you to work with the stylist.

That's what you want to do.

Do you want to do it? Seriously?

That would be so much fun.

Behave yourself.

I'll do my best.

What's the theme?

What is the theme of this?

I don't know anything.

Really?

It's the cover of "Genlux."

The "Genlux" spreads--

LISA: Shoots are beautiful.

--are always stunning.

LISA: Right.

Well, now I want to go ask a bunch of questions.

LISA: Go on. Go do it.

- OK. - And have fun with it.

OK.

As a business owner, I'm quite prominent in LA,

but it's still an honour to be asked to be

on the cover of the magazine.

It's nice to be made to feel pretty for a day

instead of bossing my staff around, so I'll take it.

Have you looked at the jewellery they have out there?

I'm actually still setting it up.

[INAUDIBLE]

I haven't set up all the fine jewellery yet,

so I'm going to go do that.

Stassi, it's your tiara.

I know.

Look, I have a mock tiara on right now, so--

HAIRSTYLIST: You're the queen?

I'm the princess.

She's the queen.

Yes, that's true.

[LAUGHTER]

If she thinks I'm a queen, then that's

a good thing because I'm sure she

describes me in many other ways when I'm not here.

I did pull about a half a million dollars

from Paolobongia on Rodeo.

OK.

I'd need to send someone out, so I was

actually going to send her out.

I don't trust her.

You'll never see her again.

Well, putting it out there. It's up to you.

How much jewellery we talking about?

Like millions of dollars, it would be, wouldn't it?

Probably somewhere between a half a million and a million.

I think send somebody else, and you just

stay and play with the shoes.

- Why? - Trust me.

Just saying.

All right, I'll have my other assistant

go and pull the jewellery. - Stassi, I trust you--

AMY: But not that much - --but not that much.

AMY: OK.

[LAUGHTER]

That's funny.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey.

The gimp is here.

And my throat and tongue are swelled up, so--

What do you mean?

What happened?

Um, I don't know.

I just-- I woke up, and I could barely talk.

So it's an allergic reaction?

Yeah, so I'm on antihistamines,

all of this crap.

This month just gets better and better every day.

Just put me in a straitjacket now.

Oh my god.

Seriously, just call it a day.

I'm over.

Oh my god.

My tongue is swelling up as we're--

I think I'm-- I don't think I'm supposed to exercise, so maybe

we should take a break.

[LAUGHS] I have to.

I worked out with my trainer this morning,

and now I'm doing this because I'm going to Puerto Rico.

What are you guys doing there?

We are going with actually Joyce and Michael.

Fun.

She has her Queen of the Universe Pageant.

Oh, good.

And they're doing some, like, photo shoot there,

and they were talking about it.

Shouldn't you be walking on this side

so that I feel a little taller?

Yes.

[LAUGHS] Give me a little height.

My mum actually went to high school there.

She was there--

In Puerto Rico?

Yeah, for four years.

She always shared stories with us from her memories there,

and she really said how amazing it is.

And I've always wanted to go.

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

What's up?

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

I've been biting my tongue.

You should come though.

BRANDI: You know, I--

KYLE: It's not like we're going alone on a romantic trip.

We're going in a group.

I'm just sick of being on these--

maybe if I can bring a date or bring a--

Well, JR should be going.

Oh, he's not going to go.

We're in a huge fight.

Again?

Mm-hmm.

I can't really keep up with Brandi's dating life,

to be honest.

What is going on?

Are you guys-- are you boyfriend and girlfriend,

or what's happening here?

[LAUGHS]

It seems to be their relationship

is always like this.

The agency has listings in Puerto Rico.

BRANDI: Oh, really?

So we could actually tell JR that he needs

to come help Mauricio to go over all those listings

and look at the properties there.

Listen, I forced my way onto your trip,

and now I'm forcing a man to come with me.

[LAUGHS]

Let me just think that over my head.

I don't think JR and I need to go away together,

but that could change tomorrow.

I don't know.

I-- I've been around Joyce.

Like, I don't-- we're never going to be best friends,

but I feel like we should be able to coexist.

Not that I want to force myself on her trip--

Right, right, right,

--but it does sound fun.

I wanted to ask you too.

Like I'm having some thoughts about some of my friendships,

and I'm just wondering.

You and Lisa were super close before,

and then you guys kind of went like this.

How do you move forward when she says Mauricio is only friends

with people to sell the house.

Suddenly, she was kind of cozying up to Adrian,

and I knew a lot of it was based around this whole business

decision because they wanted the listing on Adrian's house.

There was such a divide, and now it's like,

how do you-- why-- how are you guys so close again?

I don't get it.

Well, first of all, we're not so close again.

OK.

Up until even, I want to say, a week ago, two weeks ago--

Right.

--you know, things were still awkward.

We weren't speaking.

I mean, we would see each other, but we

would never call each other or anything like that.

But she's been calling me in the morning,

which is why I knew there was a problem with you guys.

I am used to getting my morning phone

call from Lisa Vanderpump.

We discuss everything under the and, what happened last night,

and what's going to happen tomorrow,

and when things started to kind of go south for me,

the calls were trickling off.

She just, you know, shifted because you

saw how hard I worked to really try to fix our relationship.

- No, I know. - And she would not let in--

And that's why-- but now it's fine.

--because she had you.

Yeah, friendships aren't a chess game.

They don't make sense all of a sudden,

and everything, poof, is gone.

I just don't understand how she can go from hating you

almost then to having you back.

It's one thing not to trust men, but you still want to be

able to trust your girlfriend.

Basically, you're not going to cheat on me.

I feel like Lisa's cheating on me.

If we're going to be in the same circle of friends,

I want to be able to get along, but I

will always know who Lisa is.

And Lisa is never going to change.

Sex machine.

Aw.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, put him there.

HAIRSTYLIST: Look at that.

He's like, another photo shoot?

Ugh.

Oh, Rocio, any chance for a cup of tea?

Do you want anything?

Do you want tea?

HAIRSTYLIST: Oh, tea would be great.

LISA: Do you want some tea? STYLIST: Tea would be lovely.

Thank you.

LISA: Yeah, can you do three teas?

Just to have those few hours of being pampered, having somebody

do your hair, hey, listen, it feels good, so why not?

Gig?

[MOUTH CLICKS] Oh, a bit grumpy.

HAIRSTYLIST: He is grumpy today, huh?

LISA: Yeah.

[INAUDIBLE] look at that.

Oh, wonderful.

Perfect, Rocio.

HAIRSTYLIST: Yes.

Lisa, here have some tea and some chocolate.

So do you have anything in your closet

that you don't want any more that I can just, you know,

take?

LISA: You know what?

I just gave so much stuff away to the girls' foster home.

Shut up. What do you mean?

STYLIST: So nice.

Yeah, like who need, like, clothes,

and dresses, and prom dresses, and we did a whole event.

We all brought our staff, and I donated loads of stuff to that.

How about some of these long dresses?

No you don't, Rocio.

You're not underprivileged girl.

You're very privileged.

That's not a charitable face.

I'm a waitress!

I need clothes!

LISA: You're not in a foster home though.

Oh.

LISA: And you have a uniform.

[SOBS]

BRANDI: I don't know.

I'm so confused.

KYLE: See, the thing is like-- and I think about these things

because I literally-- and Mauricio is the same way,

by the way, you know?

Yeah.

He's just like me.

Yeah, I can see that.

We forgive and we forget.

However, this last time when my husband was more under attack,

I feel it's a little harder for me

to let that go than the other stuff.

And I think--

I would want to ruin someone's life.

That's just me. - But by the way--

I was joke that I'm going to ruin your life.

I felt like she was.

Everything that she was saying about me--

BRANDI: It was intense.

It was not only that.

It was things that I don't even think

she believed or she thought, but she wanted

people to think about me.

This is where the rumour comes that he's been

seen with a younger woman.

And that's what hurt me the most

because I was defending myself against things

that weren't even true.

LISA: What's that?

AMY: I knew you'd love that.

Look at that.

I don't like it with that.

LISA: No, but I want it.

Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. LISA: Come on.

You don't love that?

Let me see this on your little paw?

And also think next time you give somebody a backhander,

you just take them out totally.

OK, don't look up my trousers.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

PHOTOGRAPHER: Good.

Beautiful, hon.

And look away, and then look right at me.

Good girl, and then bring your chin right out.

Good.

Nice.

What about Gig?

Yeah.

You want Giggy in one shot?

Look at him.

One shot?

Gig is going to make the cover.

[LAUGHS]

What is a better accessory?

That's better.

There we go.

It's been a tough few years in terms of all the opportunities

that have come along.

I have a lot of responsibilities,

and I'm thinking, my God, how did I ever

get myself in this situation?

Giggy, you're going to be on the cover.

Yes, you are.

Amazing.

OK, good.

Last year when you're like, she's your mouthpiece.

She talks-- Lisa's never once asked

me to say anything for her.

Never said Brandi do this, say this.

Not ever.

But I was still being manipulated

into doing and saying things that I

didn't want to [BLEEP] say.

Lisa and I would have long heart-to-hearts about Adrian,

and she really just wanted to banish Adrian from the planet.

And you know me, can't keep my mouth shut,

and I would repeat it later.

Do you think I get Brandi to say things on my behalf?

Are you serious?

I think that you get her worked up.

And I'm starting to wonder if I was

doing her dirty work for her.

I feel like no one manipulates me.

And I'm so strong, and no one can tell me what to say.

But then I'm thinking, wait.

Why did I do that?

Like it was these conversations leading

up to-- just like little seeds here and there,

and I'm thinking-- - Planting seeds.

--I just-- I got fucking played.

That's what I would say to her.

Maybe you didn't say to Brandi, say this,

but she knew that if she would tell you

something that you would say it because that's

your personality. - Yeah, exactly.

So it's basically the same thing.

There's a reason for every [BLEEP] move.

There's a reason for every phone call.

There's a reason for every dinner.

There's a reason for everything.

Last year, you said-- you called her Robbie Fischer.

KYLE: Being in a friendship with you

is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer.

Every move is so calculated about--

Thanks, darling.

And I was like, who the [BLEEP] is Bobby Fischer?

I googled it.

She's [BLEEP] Bobby Fischer.

She is worse than--

she is playing the biggest chess game of all.

Coming up.

I am signing up right now for her to ruin me.

Last year, you said-- you called her Robbie Fischer.

She's [BLEEP] Bobby Fischer.

She is worse than--

she is playing the biggest chess game of all.

KYLE: To hear Brandi all of a sudden say to me, by the way,

you were right, I'm kind of taken aback.

Interesting.

She's playing all of us, and I just-- this is all--

this is, like, rocking my world right now.

I've been there.

I know.

Because I want to believe everything's genuine.

Brandi really was a wedge between Lisa and me,

and now Brandi and I are bonding over our issues with Lisa.

I wanted to feel like I was special.

I was gullible.

I wanted to feel like, you know, this fancy woman likes me,

little old me.

Doesn't-- everyone's like, it doesn't make any sense,

and I like, I was enamoured.

I was.

I don't know the things she said about me,

but I know who she is.

And when I was honest about that and pointed it out,

I paid a big price for that.

Yeah, I saw that.

I paid a very big price for being honest.

Whenever I've spoken up to Lisa, she has punished me

and shut me out.

Over the last year, have you not said that Lisa's ego

is out of control?

She has a big ego.

TAYLOR: OK.

Wow, Kyle.

That's a really good friend.

Because you know what?

Maybe she preys on weak people.

She doesn't take criticism well.

She's just a smart person, you know?

You got to--

Are you saying she's manipulative?

Unless you're kissing Lisa's ass, she doesn't like it.

I'm seeing her make you pay for that

over, and over, and over again but then bringing you back in.

Like, I am just second-guessing every [BLEEP] conversation,

every moment, everything I've seen her do to--

Adrian crossed her.

I was just like-- she wanted Adrian gone off the planet.

Cedric got exiled.

He's in France somewhere.

Like, he can't come back to the states.

Like, I am signing up right now for her to ruin me.

I'm not excited about being on the other side of Lisa.

I'm not 100% prepared to go up against her.

She's smarter than all of us.

It's scary.

She's smart as a fox.

Mm-hmm.

I know.

Next time on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

It's a naked party.

That's how I like to do it.

I'm trying to figure out how to move forward

in a friendship with someone that possibly is only

using me to get what they need.

Well, hello, you didn't kiss me.

Brandi, just seems a little distant.

I don't really understand.

This is from Kyle.

It goes with the necklace that she gave you.

LISA: That's weird.

BRANDI: Why?

Well, the necklace was blue, wasn't it?

BRANDI: I think Lisa's trying to stir the pot.

She doesn't need to meddle in everyone's [BLEEP] business.

I hate it.

You said it's gold.

It doesn't match with blue.

That's what Brandi said you said.

No, no, no, no, no, what?