Original subtitles

female announcer: PREVIOUSLY,

ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- I WANT A ROOM IN THE HOUSE WHERE I CAN LOCK THE DOOR

AND COMPLETELY HAVE NO INHIBITIONS WHATSOEVER.

- YOU CAN TELL ME EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT THE POLE.

- YAY! - OH, I'LL TELL YOU

WHERE I WANT IT. [laughter]

- KIMBERLY'S GRADUATING.

THIS IS BY FAR ONE OF THE PROUDEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

MM, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

SORRY.

- JOYCE IS COMING TONIGHT.

- I DIDN'T ACTUALLY REALIZE SHE WAS COMING.

- [laughs]

- [sighs]

- I'M HOPING JOYCE AND BRANDI

COULD SORT OUT THEIR DIFFERENCES.

- FOR NO REASON, YOU WERE BEING A BULLY.

- I WAS NOT BULLYING YOU. - YES, YOU WERE.

YOU'RE A SMART GIRL. DON'T ACT LIKE A BIMBO.

YOU'RE JUST BLONDE, BUT YOU'RE NOT A BIMBO.

- SHUT THE [bleep] UP!

- [bleep].

- YOU GO [bleep] YOURSELF. [bleep] OFF, BECAUSE I JUST--

- I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT IT'S JUST--

IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THAT.

- [sighs]

- LOOK, I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER,

BUT SHE HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH A REALLY TOUGH TIME LATELY.

- THAT'S AN EXCUSE.

[upbeat music]

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND, ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS, THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB, THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK STORY,

ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD, MONEY DOESN'T TALK, IT SWEARS.

- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG, TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY, LITTLE DANCE, AND I LIKE TO TAKE LEAD.

- KYLE PICKED THIS PLACE.

- WELL, LET'S SEE. - OH, HERE WE GO.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- KIM, I THINK YOU SIT HERE,

AND I'LL GO OVER HERE, 'CAUSE--

- WAIT, KIMBERLY NEEDS-- - YOU GO.

- NO, YOUR DAY. YOU SIT.

ALTHOUGH KIMBERLY GRADUATED AWHILE AGO,

HER GRADUATION PARTY'S TONIGHT.

I WANTED TO PICK JUST THE RIGHT TIME

TO HONOR ALL HER HARD WORK.

- I NEED TO GET A BIKINI WAX. - MM.

OH, I JUST HAD ONE.

- YOU DID? - YEP.

- GOOD. - SO CUTE.

- CUTE? - MINE'S SO CUTE.

[laughs] - WHAT'D YOU DO TO IT?

- I JUST--YOU KNOW, I JUST HAD MY WIENER WAXED.

- SHUT UP! YOU CANNOT CALL IT A "WIENER."

- WELL, I DID, WHATEVER. MY WIENER IS WAXED.

- WOULD YOU TELL YOUR MOM TO STOP CALLING IT A "WIENER"?

- IT'S EMBARRASSING. WE'RE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, MOM.

- YOU DON'T HAVE A WIENER, SO YOU CAN'T SAY "A WIENER."

- WOULD YOU LIKE THE OTHER WORD? "VAGINA."

[both laughing]

- WELL, I CALL IT A "TWEETER."

- YOU CAN'T CALL IT A "TWEETER" 'CAUSE NOW THERE'S TWITTER.

- WELL, NOW THERE'S TWITTER, AND IT RUINED EVERYTHING,

BUT STILL CALL IT MY TWEETER. - YOU CAN'T CALL--WHATEVER.

[both laughing]

- KIM'S CALLING IT A "WEINER." I CALL IT A "TWEETER."

I MEAN, GOD FORBID, WE WOULD ACTUALLY CALL IT A--

[mouthing word]

'CAUSE I HATE THAT WORD. IT'S SO GROSS. [laughs]

- DO YOU DO BIKINI EXTENSIONS?

- OH, MY GOD. [laughter]

- YOU PUT--YOU, LIKE, BEDAZZLE YOUR TWEETER?

- YEAH. - BASICALLY.

- HOW DO YOU BEDAZZLE-- - I TOLD YOU.

I JUST HAD MINE FRENCH BRAIDED. - DYE IT.

- DIET? OH, I WAS THINKING D-I-E-T, "DIET."

[laughter]

- MINE'S BEEN ON A DIET FOR A LONG TIME.

[laughter]

IT'S NOT LIKE MINE'S BEEN EATING A WHOLE LOT ANYWAY,

SO...THERE. OKAY, WHATEVER.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW.

[knocking] WHATEVER.

- SO HOW NERVOUS ARE YOU ABOUT GETTING A BIKINI WAX?

- WELL, I'M-- I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I'M NOT--

I-I-I--OBVIOUSLY, I DO THEM REGULARLY,

BUT I--TO ME, IT'S VERY PAINFUL. I HATE IT.

- IT IS? OKAY. - IT'S VERY--

I'M VERY SENSITIVE DOWN THERE. - SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

A COMPANION, AND YOU CAN SQUEEZE HIM.

- HIM?

- PINK OR BROWN?

[both starting and laughing] - MY GOD!

- I HAVE NEVER SEEN A WAXER PULL OUT ONE OF THESE BEFORE.

AND I ONLY HAD THE LITTLE PINK ONE.

[laughs] MINE LOOKED LIKE LIPSTICK.

THERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND IN MY DRAWER.

- YEAH, WHAT IS IT? [vibrator buzzing]

- [laughs] I DON'T--I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S FOR YOUR NECK--

- OH, I THINK IT'S FOR SOMETHING ELSE.

[imitating vibrator] [laughs]

- HOW 'BOUT PLIE FOR ME. - WHAT'S A PLIE?

- UH, FROGGY LEGS. HOLD ON.

- [laughs] - FROGGY LEGS, HOLD ON.

- OTHER LEG UP. - OTHER ANGLE--WAIT,

LET ME START WITH THE TOP.

- OOH, GOD! I REALLY DON'T LIKE

THAT SPOT YOU JUST WENT ON.

WHAT IS THAT? OW!

- LET ME SEE. - SHUT UP.

KIM, SIT DOWN. I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

- OH, YEAH. YOU DON'T-- - KIM, YOU'RE SO DIS--

[both laughing]

OW! STOP. - YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

- "DON'T LOOK." [imitating Kyle's laugh]

- ONE DAY YOU SHOULD TRY TO GET YOUR NOSE DONE.

YOU'LL LOVE IT. - I'VE HAD MY NOSE DONE.

OH, YOU MEAN MY NOSE "DONE"? OH, NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.

KIM NEEDS THAT. I DON'T NEED THAT.

[laughs]

- I'M TRYING TO HELP HER OUT. SHE'S LAYING DOWN THERE.

DO YOU THINK THE LADY WOULD'VE SUGGESTED IT

IF IT LOOKED IN THERE AND LOOKED, LIKE, CLEAR AS A BELL?

NO, SHE LOOKED IN THERE AND SAW OAK TREES.

- YOU'LL LOVE IT. - OKAY.

I'LL DO IT.

OW! NO-- [both laughing]

- YOU JUST CAN'T LAUGH LIKE THAT WITH ANYBODY THAN YOUR SISTER.

I MEAN, IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.

I FEEL WE'VE FINALLY GOTTEN TO A BETTER PLACE,

AND IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

CASE YOU GET NERVOUS, HOLD THIS.

[both laughing]

- HELLO.

- WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL. - [laughs] HELLO.

- THERE SHE IS. - OH, MY [bleep] GOD.

[laughter] I DRANK TOO MUCH TEQUILA.

I BELIEVE THAT EVERY MAN WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIS WOMAN ON A POLE.

SO BEFORE THE POLE DANCING CLASS I HAD A DRINK,

AND IT CERTAINLY WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS NERVOUS OF THE POLE,

ALTHOUGH THAT CAN BE THREATENING.

YAY! - OH, LOOK AT YOU.

DRINKING AND POLE DANCING, THEY DON'T MIX FOR ME...

- OH, LOOK AT THOSE SHOES.

- BUT CARLTON MIGHT HAVE BEEN OVER-SERVED.

both: HI.

- LITTLE JEALOUS.

- HI, LADIES. - HELLO.

- WELCOME. HOW MANY POLE VIRGINS?

YES? - [laughs]

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT. - YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE.

- [laughs]

- CAN YOU GO UPSIDE DOWN?

- WHOO! - [gasps]

THAT'S REALLY HOT.

- SO... LET'S GET YOU DRESSED.

YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL CUTE, SEXY, HOT.

- THIS [bleep] HOTTIE. LOOK AT YOUR [bleep] BODY.

WHIP IT OFF. - NO!

[laughter]

- I LOVE YOU. - YAY.

- ALL RIGHT. - HI! [laughs]

- HI. LET'S GO.

- OH, TARA'S, LIKE--

YOU JUST--WAIT. - I'M READY.

[British accent] I'M READY.

DON'T BREAK YOUR PERFECT LITTLE NOSEY.

DON'T BREAK IT ON THE POLE. PBBT.

[laughs]

GO TO YOUR POLE. - NO, I'VE GOT MY POLE.

- OH, MY. [laughs]

- THEY ALL--YOU CAN FEEL THE LITTLE SHIFT.

THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THE OPTION OF THESE--

- ARE WE SHIFTING? - YES, DARLING.

- I'M A SHAPESHIFTER. - YOU'RE A SHAPESHIFTER?

- RIGHT YOU ARE.

I AM NOT A PRUDE, AT ALL.

YAY. - LOOK AT HER.

- I LOVE THE BOD-- ESPECIALLY THE FEMALE BODY.

I LOVE THE FEMALE BODY.

HONESTLY, IT'S A WORK OF ART.

- [laughs]

- OH, I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY APPROPRIATE.

- WHOO! - YES, EXCUSE ME.

I FORGOT I WAS WEARING THESE. - WHOO!

- I'M SEEING LACE, SO IT'S ALREADY GOOD.

- YES. - [gasps]

- OH, I LOVE IT! [clapping]

- I FORGOT.

- I ENJOYED THE "[bleep] OFF" BOOTY SHORTS.

LIKE, "[bleep] OFF" IS GREAT.

I THINK IT SHOULD BE ON ALL CLOTHES ALL THE TIME.

[laughter]

- WANT TO MOUNT THAT [bleep] THING.

YEAH.

YAY!

- CARLTON AND I, WE'RE BOTH REALLY NONJUDGMENTAL PEOPLE.

WE'RE NOT JUST GONNA CAUSE DRAMA TO FLIP OUT HAIR AROUND

AND BE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.

[laughs]

- OOH! OH, WOW.

- NICE. YEAH.

TRY IT WITH A LITTLE BIT OF A WALK.

- OH, MY-- OH, MY GOD, REALLY?

[gasps] [women cheering]

- I'VE TAKEN POLE DANCING CLASSES IN THE PAST...

- OH, MY GOD. - OH.

OH, SHE'S BEEN PRACTICING, YOU BIG LIAR.

- BUT I GET VERY, LIKE, SEASICK AND MOTION SICK.

- [laughs] - I'M GETTING DIZZY

WATCHING EVERYONE.

I CAN'T SIT IN THE BACK OF CARS. I HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS.

SERIOUS "POBLEMS." I CAN'T TALK.

[both laughing]

SO WE HAVE TO GO TO KIM'S? [laughs]

- YEAH. - [laughs]

- I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, WHAT DO WE BRING OVER THERE?

- NO ALCOHOL?

- I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

CARLTON'S VERY CUTE.

SHE WANTED TO BRING ALCOHOL TO A GRADUATION PARTY

WHERE KIM'S SOBER AND THE GRADUATOR'S NOT 21 YET.

[laughs] WE'LL GET FLOWERS.

- YAY. [both laughing]

- I THOUGHT WE WERE PUTTING CUSHIONS ALONG THE BACK.

AND THEN THESE LITTLE OTTOMANS-- HERE'S ANOTHER LITTLE TABLE.

HELLO?

YEAH, JUST CALL AND GIVE THEM THE CARD NUMBER.

THIS CAN'T JUST SIT THERE. IT LOOKS REALLY UGLY.

- IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. - I'M--

- I PROMISE YOU. - WELL, SO FAR, HONESTLY...

- IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. - YOU--NO, LIKE,

I DON'T HAVE MY FOUNTAINS. - WE'RE GONNA--

WE GOT MORE FOUNTAINS COMING. I THINK IT'LL BE PERFECT.

- AND MY FIRE--MY-- - GONNA BE PERFECT.

- MY PHOTO BOOTH.

AAH!

I'M PANICKING.

WE'RE NOT READY. I'M NOT READY.

I CAME UP WITH THIS AMAZING THEME IDEA.

MAYBE WE DO COACHELLA STYLE ON MY SISTER KATHY'S BIG FIELD,

AND HAVE ALL THE KIDS COME...

OH, MY GOSH.

AND THEN KATHY SAID YES, AND THEN, OOP,

KATHY'S GOING TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

THIS IS NOT FUN RIGHT NOW. WILL YOU PUT THIS OUTSIDE?

AND KIMBERLY'S LIKE, "I JUST WANT TO BE HOME,

AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH."

OKAY, IF NOT, I'LL KEEP THESE. - OKAY.

- IN CASE. - ALL RIGHT.

- LEAVE THESE IN CASE. - OKAY.

- I'LL TAKE THESE IN CASE. [laughter]

OH, MY GOSH!

announcer: COMING UP...

- SOME GROSS GUY JUST SENT ME A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS.

THAT IS DISGUSTING.

- DON'T SEND ME ANY DICK PICS, ANYBODY.

- [coughing] OH, MY GOD.

[indistinct chatter]

- HI.

- WE NEED SOME DECORATIONS ON THIS SIDE OF THAT.

IF I WASN'T SOBER TODAY,

I HONESTLY THINK IT COULD'VE JUST DESTROYED EVERYTHING.

LOOK WHAT I HAVE.

- HI, LOOK AT YOU.

- MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER, HER GRADUATION.

- WHERE'S WHITNEY?

- WHITNEY IS ON HER WAY, I THINK.

- THESE ARE THE GOOD THINGS I HAVE.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HI. - HI, LOOK AT YOU!

- HI, BEAUTIFUL. HOW ARE YOU? - OH, MY GOODNESS, I LOVE THIS.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HEY.

- COME HERE. I LOVE YOU. GOD, I MISSED YOU.

- [laughs]

- CAN YOU TELL WE MISS YOU?

- I KNOW, YOU MISS ME OR SOMETHING?

- YOU'RE SO PRETTY. - WELL, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HOME

HARDLY AT ALL THIS LAST WEEK. both: MWAH.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- UGH, OH, MY GOD. - OKAY. I'M GOOD.

IT'S FUN TO GET OUT OF A SPORTS CAR.

- [laughs]

- SHOULD WE GET A HAMBURGER? - [gasps] YES.

- BEEF BURGERS AND TURKEY BURGERS.

- I WILL HAVE A BEEF BURGER, BUT WITH NO CHEESE, PLEASE.

- I WANT A BEEF BURGER WITH EVERYTHING ON IT.

[gasps] YUMMY. - WITH EVERYTHING?

[text alert]

- WHAT? - SOME GROSS GUY

JUST SENT ME A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS,

AND I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

- [laughs]

- THAT IS DISGUSTING!

I LIKE--I HAVE A THING AGAINST DICK PICS.

I DO NOT LIKE THEM. - [laughs]

- ARE YOU JOKING? - IS IT GROSS?

- IT'S DISGUSTING.

- DON'T SEND ME ANY DICK PICS, ANYBODY, PLEASE.

DON'T WANT THEM. I WANT TO LOOK AT ONE.

BIG DICK, THAT'S IT.

- I'VE NEVER EVEN KISSED THIS GUY.

- I WAS MORTIFIED. - WHY DOES HE THINK I WANT

TO SEE A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS?

- ONE WITH CHEESE. - I'M--OH--WITH--THANK YOU.

- YEAH, WE'RE JUST TALKING. - SEE OUR PIÑA COLADAS?

THEY'RE VIRGINS.

both: HI, BABY. - WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

- I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T KNOW.

- OH! - OH, MY GOSH.

I FELL OFF--I SWEAR TO GOD, I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

- IT'S THE SPINNING, I SWEAR. - OH.

- I USED TO GET LIKE THIS AFTER MY CLASSES.

I WOULD BE, LIKE, HAVE A, LIKE, NAUSEA ALL DAY.

- YEAH, NO, I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING DIZZY.

- YEAH. WE'RE THE GREETING COMMITTEE.

- IS THAT WRONG THAT WE'RE EATING OUT ON THE STOOP?

- [laughs]

YOU DON'T NORMALLY SEE, LIKE, TWO SKINNY CHICKS

ON THE STOOP WITH SOME BURGERS, BUT IT HAPPENS.

- I SWEAR, I DON'T GIVE A [bleep].

- HI! - [laughing] HI.

- HOW ARE YOU? [laughs] - I'M GOOD.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO A LUAU.

- WELL, I'M AT A LUAU, BABY.

KIMBERLY'S DAD AND I HAVE REMAINED VERY GOOD FRIENDS

OVER THE YEARS. WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT

THROUGH COOL PARENTING.

IT'S JUST, WE'VE ALWAYS PUT KIMBERLY FIRST.

- WHERE'S MY LEI? - [laughs]

HERE, JOHN. - WE DIDN'T GET LEIS?

- NO, YOU DON'T GET LEI'D TILL YOU GET HOME,

[laughs]

- THEN I MIGHT NOT EITHER. [laughter]

- MMM, MUD PIE.

[both laughing] - HI.

- I JUST DROVE THAT CAR TOO. IS IT THE SAME ONE?

- YEAH, WE HAVE THE SAME CAR.

- IT IS SO POWERFUL, IT'S SCARY.

- I KNOW, AND IT'S SO LOUD. - HI, PORTIA!

- COME ON. - WE JUST WORKED OUT,

AND WE'RE FEELING REALLY NAUSEOUS,

SO WE'RE CHOWING DOWN BEFORE WE GO IN.

- OH, MY GOD. - HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? - NICE TO SEE YOU.

- WE'RE ALL SPINNING. HI. - HOW ARE YOU?

- DO I HAVE, LIKE, HAMBURGER ON MY FACE?

both: MWAH. - DON'T TELL THEM

WE'RE EATING OUTSIDE. [laughs] - I WON'T.

- WE'RE--I'M LIKE, "WE'RE GONNA THROW UP."

- IT SEEMS KIND OF ODD TO ME THAT THEY'RE SITTING ON THE CURB

EATING A FATBURGER BEFORE THEY GO IN AND SAY HI TO MY SISTER.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU INSIDE. - OH, MY GOD.

- I WASN'T REALLY SURE WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

- [laughs]

- HI. - HI.

- THE HOUSE LOOKS SO PRETTY. - YOU LOVE IT?

- YES, I LOVE THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.

- SO EXCITED. - I KNOW.

- I DID IT FOR KIMBERLY'S THING, AND IT ACTUALLY ENDED UP

BEING SOMETHING I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE, LIKE-- - IT LOOKS SO GOOD.

- WHEN SHE COMES OUT, I'M LIKE, I WANT IT--

WHEN SHE LEAVES HERE, SHE'S GONNA LOOK BACK

AND GO, LIKE, "THIS WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE,

"AND WHEN I COME HOME, I'M GONNA LOVE MY HOUSE SO MUCH

ON THE WEEKENDS." - AW!

SEE, YOU'RE LIKE, ANYTHING TO ENTICE THEM.

I KNOW THAT FOR MY SISTER,

THIS IS ONE OF HER MOST PROUD MOMENTS.

HER BABY GIRL IS GOING OFF TO COLLEGE,

AND SHE'S GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL WITH HONORS.

SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE GIRL.

SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL, SO SMART, SO TOGETHER,

AND THAT REALLY IS A REFLECTION

ON WHAT KIND OF MOM MY SISTER IS.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

- THANK YOU, IT WAS DELICIOUS.

- OH, MY GOD. - YOU HAVE, LIKE, 0% BODY FAT,

BY THE WAY. - NO, I HAVE [bleep] FAT.

- NO, YOU DON'T. - IT'S, LIKE, ALL ON MY ASS

AND THIGHS. - OH, MY GOD.

- I'M SORRY. OKAY. - OH, BOY.

- SHE'S GOT MY BUILD, THOUGH.

[overlapping chatter]

- WHERE IS EVERYONE? WANT TO JUST GO SAY HI

TO KIMBERLY? - I THINK BAR.

- FOR SURE. - OH, I WON'T WEASEL IN.

THERE IS RICHER BLOOD IN THERE. - MY BILL.

- NOTHING.

- I AM NOT FEELING WELL,

AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT UP FOR ANY KIND OF CONFRONTATION

WITH MISS HAWAII-- I MEAN, JOYCE.

[laughter]

GET BACK.

- REALLY GOOD KIDS TOO. - HI. [laughs]

- KIDS ARE REALLY GOOD KIDS. - HOW ARE YOU?

- HOW ARE YOU. LOOK AT YOU. - I'M PLAYING DRESSED UP.

- WOW. [both laughing]

ARE YOU PERFORMING THIS EVENING? - I AM,

I'M THE HULA DANCER. - ARE YOU? [laughs]

I'M LIKE, "WAIT, WHAT?"

JOYCE LOOKS RIDICULOUS.

IT'S BECAUSE SHE WANTS THE [bleep] ATTENTION.

- I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE. - THANK YOU.

THANKS FOR THE INVITE, BABE.

HI. I WANT SOMETHING FRUITY AND SOMETHING WITH ALCOHOL.

- HMM, UM-- - [laughs]

- I HAVE, LIKE, A FEW BEERS IN THIS COOLER.

- OH, IT JUST WON'T DO.

I WAS A LITTLE PERPLEXED, BECAUSE ME LIKE TO DRINK.

THIS JUST WON'T DO.

WE'RE ALCOHOLICS HERE. - YEAH, I KNOW, RIGHT?

[laughter]

- WE'RE AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PARTY FOR AN UNDER-AGED GIRL

AND KIM IS A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC,

SO, CARLTON, RIGHT NOW IS NOT THE PLACE

TO GO FISHING FOR BOOZE.

- LET'S GO GET SOME ALCOHOL.

- HI. - HELLO.

I'M LOOKING FOR ALCOHOL. - OH.

- SO FAR I'M HAVING FRUIT. - IS THAT IT?

- YEAH, YEAH. - I'M MORE NAUSEOUS NOW

THAT I ATE THE HAMBURGER.

- DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

- I DON'T KNOW. I WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM

THINKING I MIGHT THROW UP. - NO WAY.

- MAYBE YOU'RE PREGNANT. - I'M DEFINITELY NOT.

[laughter] - RIGHT, I'M GONNA GET

A HAMBURGER ANYWAY. - OKAY.

- MWAH. - CAN I GET YOU A SODA?

- NO, I REALLY-- I REALLY JUST--

I THINK THE HAMBURGER MADE IT WORSE.

AY-YI-YI.

- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO EAT THIS. LIKE, HELLO.

- YOU CAN, YOU JUST WRAP YOUR LIPS AROUND IT.

- JUST LIKE-- - YEAH, AH.

- IT'S HOW I EAT. [laughs]

- KIM IS AROUND ALCOHOL AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PARTIES

ALL THE TIME, BUT I DO THINK THAT WHEN YOU'RE IN HER HOME,

WHY WOULD YOU BE LOOKING FOR IT?

I DID NOT APPRECIATE OR THINK IT WAS APPROPRIATE.

- OH, MY GOD. - OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

SHE NEEDS SOME SODA.

- I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA THROW UP, SORRY.

NO, I'M NOT--I'M LIKE, I ATE THAT HAMBURGER,

TRYING TO FEEL BETTER, AND IT-- I THINK IT MADE ME WORSE.

I THINK I HAVE TO THROW UP.

- BRANDI. OH, MY GOD. - SHE'S IN THERE.

I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING... - IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

- OR, LIKE, A SPRITE? - [coughing]

- OH, MY GOSH.

- [whimpers] OH, MY GOD. - BRANDI.

- [retching] - ARE YOU OKAY, BABE?

- NO. I NEED A MINUTE.

[retching]

[whimpers]

[coughing]

OH, MY GOD.

- YEAH, ARE YOU OKAY? - CAN WE GO?

- WHAT? - CAN WE GO? [retching]

- I'M GONNA GET SOME-- - [coughs]

- WHY AM I COUGHING?

I'M GONNA GET YOU GINGER ALE, BABE.

- NO, NO, NO. [coughs]

- [clears throat] - IS SHE IN THERE?

- YEAH. [toilet flushing]

LIKE-- - HERE.

- WILL YOU-- - OH, MY GOD.

- YEAH. - BEAUTIFUL.

ONE SEEMS TO BE APPARENTLY DRUNK,

AND THE OTHER ONE IS THROWING UP.

IT'S PROBABLY TIME TO GO HOME.

- TRY THAT. - I D--

- NO? - I CAN'T.

CAN WE GO? - YEAH.

- DO YOU MIND? - NO, OF COURSE NOT.

- I-I MEAN, LIKE, THAT HAMBURGER MADE IT WORSE.

I'M JUST SPINNING.

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

IT REALLY--IT REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO GAG.

[laughing]

I--LIKE, YOU GET THE VISUALS. DISGUSTING. [laughs]

- BRANDI.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING-- I DON'T--LIKE,

I'M SO GROSS RIGHT NOW. I'M SO SORRY.

- OKAY, BYE. - BYE--YOU DON'T--

- NO, OKAY. - YOU DON'T WANT

ANY PART OF THIS. - [laughs]

- THE TWO OF US TOGETHER, NIGHTMARE.

SHE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK, I WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH,

AND SO WE CALLED A CAB AND GOT OUT.

- EVERYBODY, HELLO. HELLO.

SO AS YOU KNOW, TONIGHT IS A SPECIAL NIGHT FOR KIMBERLY.

IT IS A NIGHT THAT WE'RE HERE

TO HONOR HER, HER SCHOOLING.

UM, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, KIMBERLY,

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

FROM THE MOMENT YOU WERE BORN, YOU...WERE MAGIC.

YOU WERE SUPER SPECIAL. I'M SO GRATEFUL

THAT YOU CHOSE ME TO BE YOUR MOM.

UM, AND--I JUST WISH YOU A SUPER HAPPY LIFE

IN YOUR NEW JOURNEY AT YOUR SCHOOL,

AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SLIDESHOW

THAT YOUR SISTER HAS PUT TOGETHER,

AND WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH, AND I'M SUPER PROUD.

- [laughs] - YAY, HAPPY--

[all cheering] CONGRATULATIONS.

- KIMBERLY GOING OFF TO COLLEGE NOW.

THAT'S SO WEIRD TO SAY.

[sobbing] IT'S SO GREAT, BUT IT'S SO WEIRD.

SHE'S SO PRETTY AND SMART, AND SHE'S JUST EVERYTHING.

NEVER BEEN MORE GRATEFUL AND PROUD.

AND A LITTLE SCARED.

I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO FOCUS ON JUST KIM FOR A BIT.

[all cheering]

I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

[cheers and applause]

announcer: COMING UP...

- I'M SURE THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS KIM HASN'T TURNED UP FOR.

- THAT'S KIND OF UNCALLED FOR, KEN,

DON'T YOU THINK? - NO.

- WELL, THIS TOP LOOKS LIKE A BIT OF A MISMATCH, ISN'T IT?

SO LET'S GO THROUGH STUFF.

- THAT'S CUTE. - IT'S QUITE NICE.

- MM-HMM. - NOT FOR YOU.

- FOR ME. [laughs] - NO.

- FOR ME, THIS MY SIZE. HMM?

- IF YOU DON'T LIKE PINK, WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

- NO, I LIKE PINK. - NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM. - [laughs]

[dog barking]

KEN? WHAT?

- NO, RUMPY, RUMPY. - NO, RUMPY. RUM--

RUMPY. - RUMPY, NO. RUM--

- YOUR DOGGIE'S SO WELL BEHAVED.

- WELL, HE WILL BE. NO, RUMPY.

- SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BABY?

- THIS GIRL CONTACTED ME, EMAILED ME,

AND SHE SAID THAT SHE WORKS WITH THIS FOSTER HOME,

AND THESE GIRLS HAVE NOTHING AT ALL,

AND SO SHE SAID WOULD I GIVE SOME OF MY OLD CLOTHES?

SO I SAID ABSOLUTELY.

BASICALLY, THEY NEED WHATEVER WE CAN SEND THEM.

CLOSE TO MY HEART. I ADOPTED MAX FROM FOSTER CARE,

SO I THINK IT WOULD BE JUST, KIND OF, A SWEET THING TO DO.

THIS IS A QUITE NICE LONG DRESS.

DOES THIS LOOK TOO OLD OR DO YOU THINK IT'S NICE?

- IT'S NICE. - YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY--

SHE SAYS REALLY THAT THEY HAVEN'T GOT MUCH AT ALL.

- MM-HMM. - THAT'S KIND OF A PROM DRESS,

ISN'T IT? - YEAH, I WANT ONE.

- NO, YOU DON'T.

- ROCIO, YOU ARE NOT AN UNDERPRIVILEGED GIRL.

- EXACTLY. - YOU'RE VERY PRIVILEGED.

[phone dialing]

- HELLO? - HEY, CARLTON, IT'S LISA.

- HI. - ARE YOU GONNA COME BY

TOMORROW? - I WOULD LOVE TO, YES.

- HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING, LIKE, THAT WOULD BE SUITABLE

FOR GIRLS TO WEAR TO THE PROM?

- WELL, I HAVE A COUPLE OF DRESSES.

- I KNOW LOTS OF MY FRIENDS HAVE GOT CLOTHES

SITTING IN THEIR CLOSET THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO WEAR,

AND IT WOULD REALLY BENEFIT THESE KIDS IN FOSTER CARE.

- HI, LISA. HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD. I'M GOING CRAZY TODAY.

- WHY? WHAT'S HAPPENING? - I'M NERVOUS

BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO THE ANTI-BULLYING THING, AND--

- YES. I DID THAT, YEAH. - YEAH, YEAH,

YOU DID THE PICTURES. I SAW YOUR PICTURE.

IT WAS WITH GIGGY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

- WITH GIGGY, YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE GOT ANYTHING

THAT YOU COULD BRING OVER IN THE MORNING.

- I'LL COME BY AND BRING YOU SOME STUFF.

- OKAY, IF IT'S MY SIZE, I MIGHT KEEP IT.

- [laughs]

- OKAY, BYE-BYE. - BYE.

[phone ringing] - HELLO?

- HEY. HOW ARE YOU? - I'M OKAY. I'M WITH THE BOYS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - TOMORROW, WHEN YOU COME,

SHOULD WE TRY TO AVOID THE TIME THAT JOYCE IS HERE,

OR DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?

- I WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER, TO BE HONEST.

I WAS GOING TO TRY TO DO IT ONE-ON-ONE AND NOT--

I DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED.

I KIND OF JUST HAD A LITTLE "COME TO JESUS" WITH MYSELF

AND SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT? BREAK IT DOWN."

LIKE, JUST GO IN THERE, BE READY,

AND SAY YOUR PIECE AND THEN WALK AWAY.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO RUIN ANYONE'S--

- YEAH. WELL, THERE'S-- THERE'S NOTHING TO RUIN HERE,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BLINDSIDE HER.

BRANDI AND JOYCE, THEY CAN RESOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES,

BUT BRING YOUR BLOODY PAGEANT DRESSES, AND MINI DRESSES,

AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU'VE GOT AND LET'S REMEMBER

WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE.

- NO, NO, NO. IT'S-- LITERALLY A CONVERSATION.

IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'LL BE SCREAMING AND YELLING.

I HAVE A FEW THINGS I NEED TO SAY TO HER,

AND THEN I'LL BE DONE. - OKAY.

MM. I'M NOT SURE I'M BUYING THAT.

OKAY, BYE. - ALL RIGHT, BYE.

- [sighs]

- OH, THERE SHE IS. - HEY, GUYS.

both: HEY! I'M READY.

- LOOK AT YOU, BEAUTIFUL. - I'M READY.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS.

- I KNOW. - YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

- FOR YOU GUYS. - OH.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- FRIEND MOVEMENT IS A BEAUTIFUL ORGANIZATION

THAT IS AN ANTI-BULLYING CAMPAIGN,

AND I GOT INVOLVED BECAUSE THEY ASKED ME

IF I WOULD BE ONE OF THEIR SPOKESPEOPLE FOR THE CAMPAIGN.

THEY KNEW MY EXPERIENCE, THAT I HAD BEEN BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I FEEL LIKE WE ALL HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER AND TRY TO CUT THIS,

SO THAT OUR KIDS DON'T SUFFER SO MUCH.

- ALL RIGHT, BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE ALL SET.

- WE'RE GOOD? - YEAH.

- OKAY, SO, LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE GONNA GIVE THE FINGER,

IT'S GONNA GO JUST LIKE THIS. - HIDE THE OTHERS?

LIKE THIS? - YEAH, AND IT'S REALLY STRONG,

AND IT'S LIKE, IF SOMEONE YOU CARED ABOUT

WAS BEING BULLIED. JUST, LIKE, STRONG AND TOUGH.

- IT'S FOR MYSELF. - IT'S FOR YOU.

IT'S ABOUT BEING SELF-EMPOWERED. - FOR ME AND FOR MY FRIENDS.

- IT'S BASICALLY LIKE YOU ARE JUST FLICKING BULLYING OFF,

AND TELLING EVERYBODY, "HEY, WE WANT YOU TO STOP

BEING A BULLY AND START BEING A FRIEND."

- WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A FATTY, OR A FREAK,

OR A RACIAL NAME, WE-- - OR THEY CALL YOU

"SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALL..." - SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALL?

- BECAUSE MY BODY IS LITTLE AND MY HEAD IS BIG.

OR "OLIVE OIL." - SO WE WANT--WE WANT THEM--

- OR "HOY-SAY." - WHEN SOMEONE ATTACKS YOU

VERBALLY, WE WANT YOU-- - I'M GONNA GIVE THE "F"

TO ALL THOSE BULLIES THAT BULLIED ME.

- I KNOW YOU ARE. - [laughs]

I KNOW YOU ARE. LET'S DO THIS. - YES, IT'S LIKE, "F."

- RIGHT HAND.

- OKAY. THUMB OUT, NICE.

BRING IT OVER A LITTLE BIT.

BRING IT IN JUST A LITTLE BIT.

NICE.

- OH, MY GOD. - MEAN.

- YES. - YOU LOOK SO HOT.

- SMOKING. NO BULLY SHOULD MESS WITH YOU.

[laughs]

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING RIGHT NOW?

- I'M THINKING, "[bleep] YOU" TO ALL THOSE BULLIES.

I PERSONALLY THINK THAT BULLYING IS JUST A FORM

OF CALLING FOR ATTENTION.

- JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG. - [laughs]

- BRANDI NEEDS TO STOP CALLING OUT FOR SO MUCH ATTENTION.

START ACTING LIKE A LADY AND GROW UP.

- COOL. - I THINK WE HAVE THAT.

- I THINK WE GOT--YOU GOT IT. - WE GOT IT.

- WHOO. THANK YOU, JOY. - THANK YOU.

- PERFECT. - YOU LIKE THOSE?

- OH, I WOULDN'T CUT IT LIKE THAT.

IS THAT ALL OF THEM?

I'VE ACTUALLY DECIDED TO INVITE ALL THE LADIES

OVER AT BREAKFAST TIME.

I THINK IT'S A KIND OF CIVILIZED HOUR.

NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.

OKAY, THIS IS GORGEOUS.

- HELLO. - HI.

- OH, FINE. I'LL TAKE IT. - [laughs]

PERFECT. WHAT SIZE IS IT? - I BROUGHT YOU CUPCAKES.

- OH, THANK YOU. - YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE TEA.

LOOK.

SO I BROUGHT-- THIS IS A VERY SIMPLE ONE.

- ALL RIGHT. - COCKTAIL.

- OKAY, PERFECT. COME OUT THE BACK.

- LET ME SEE THIS PINK ONE. OH, MY GOD.

- JOYCE, STEP AWAY FROM THE CLOTHES RACK.

- YOU KNOW ME, I'M A TOTAL FASHIONISTA.

- HELLO. HI! - HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

- HI. - YOU LOOK GREAT.

- THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU? - OKAY, GOOD.

GREAT. I'VE GOT MORE IN A BIG BAG IN--

I'LL GO THROUGH. I GOT MORE, BUT THESE ARE

JUST THE ONES I GRABBED. - OKAY, PERFECT.

THANK YOU, DARLING. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

YEAH, YOU LIKE? - COME IN, YEAH.

JOYCE IS HERE. - [growls]

LISA, I'M GOING TO BRING MORE. THAT'S JUST--I WAS RUSHING OUT--

- COME SIT DOWN AND RELAX, DARLING.

- THE GRADUATION, KIMBERLY'S GRADUATION,

WHICH, BY THE WAY, YOU DIDN'T MAKE.

- I WAS IN MISSOURI WITH CHILDREN--

- YOU WERE NOT, YOU WERE AT SUR.

- I WAS NOT. I WAS IN MISSOURI. - YES YOU WERE.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT--

- I WAS IN MISSOURI THIS WEEKEND.

- NO, MY HAIRDRESSER SAW YOU AT SUR, HAVING DINNER.

- WELL, THAT'S WEIRD. I WAS IN MISSOURI.

- HI, BABE. - MY HAIRDRESSER SAW YOU AT SUR.

- I'VE BEEN IN MISSOURI ALL WEEKEND.

- MY HAIRDRESSER SAW YOU AT SUR.

- WELL, YOUR HAIRDRESSER'S DREAMING.

- IT WASN'T AN EASY WEEKEND.

GIGGY, KEN, AND I WENT TO MISSOURI

TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WITH ALOPECIA.

IT WAS A LONG WAY, IT WAS QUITE AN ARDUOUS TRIP,

BUT GIGGY IS COMMITTED TO THAT, SO, OF COURSE,

I'M GIGGY'S CARRIER, I HAD TO TAKE HIM.

- SHE SAW YOU AT SUR THAT NIGHT. - I'M NOT GETTING UP TO SAY HI,

BECAUSE I HAVE GIGGY. - SHE SAID, "I THOUGHT

I SAW LISA HAVING DINNER AT SUR."

- I WAS IN MISSOURI, I PROMISE YOU.

- I LOVE YOUR DRESS. IT'S VERY SEXY.

- OH, MAYBE I CAME BACK SATURDAY NIGHT.

- YEAH. - YEAH.

- [laughs] OH, NOW YOU REMEMBER,

NOW THAT MY HAIRDRESSER SAW YOU, YOU REMEMBER.

ALL SHE HAD TO SAY WAS, "SO SORRY, DARLING.

WE COULDN'T ATTEND. YOU KNOW, WE WERE BUSY."

- THAT'S US IN MISSOURI. - WHAT--WHEN WAS IT?

- IT WAS SATURDAY NIGHT. I TOLD YOU IT WAS SATURDAY.

- OH, NO, I TOTALLY DIDN'T EVEN THINK.

- IT WAS FOR KIDS WITH ALOPECIA. - THAT WAS THE DAY BEFORE.

SHE SAW YOU HAVING-- - I THOUGHT HER GRADUATION

WAS ON SATURDAY DAYTIME. - THAT'S GORGEOUS.

- NO, I TOLD YOU IT WAS SATURDAY NIGHT.

TO JUST MAKE UP A LIE,

AND TO SAY SHE'S AWAY, IT BOTHERED ME.

- DARLING, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK,

AND IN FACT, I CHANGED MY TICKET FROM 6:00 TILL 2:00, DIDN'T I?

WHAT TIME DID WE GET BACK? WE CAUGHT THE 2:00 FLIGHT.

- IT WAS EARLY ENOUGH, BECAUSE SHE SAW YOU GUYS HAVING DINNER.

- I SWEAR TO YOU I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

ON THE 6:00 FLIGHT. - BUT IF YOU MADE IT BACK,

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID, "I'M PACKED IN."

- I DIDN'T EVEN THINK.

I LITERALLY GOT BACK-- IT WAS EXHAUSTING.

WE GOT UP AT 4:00 TO DO THIS, YOU KNOW, 3-MILE MARCH,

OR WHATEVER, CHANGED OUR FLIGHTS,

LEFT EARLY. [dog barks]

- THAT'S RIGHT. GIGGY, GIVE IT TO HER.

- [laughs] - I PROMISE YOU,

IT JUST TOTALLY WENT OUT OF MY MIND,

AND I THOUGHT, "I'VE GOT TO LEAVE EARLY."

TOOK THE 2:00 FLIGHT.

WHAT TIME DID WE GET BACK? WE WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK ABOUT--

- 8:00. - YEAH, 8:00.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET INTO IT WITH HER.

I TOLD HER I WASN'T GOING AND I DIDN'T GO. END OF STORY.

- IT WAS FUN. - BRANDI WENT?

- STUFF, IT WAS FUN. - YEAH, BRANDI, CARLTON,

YOLANDA WAS OUT OF TOWN. - CARLTON WENT?

- YEAH. - EVERYBODY.

- IT WAS FUN. - EVERYBODY BUT LISA.

[dog barks]

- IT DIDN'T LOOK GOOD.

- I'M SURE THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS

KIM HASN'T TURNED UP FOR.

YOU KNOW, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

- NO, BUT I WOULDN'T NOT TURN UP.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING.

[doorbell ringing]

- IT'S OKAY.

- OKAY, SAVED BY THE BELL.

- [laughs] - SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR.

- ANYWAY, IT WAS REALLY FUN THE OTHER NIGHT.

I HAD A GOOD TIME. - THAT'S KIND OF UNCALLED FOR,

KEN, BY THE WAY. - NO, I'M JUST--

- THAT WAS NOT REALLY VERY NICE, WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

- REALLY? - YEAH, THAT REALLY WASN'T

VERY NICE. - I WAS PROTECTING MY WIFE.

- THAT WASN'T VERY NICE, ACTUALLY.

- WHATEVER YOU THINK.

- HE'S RIGHT, I DID MISS THINGS. I DID MISS--

I MISSED A LOT.

THAT WAS REALLY UNCALLED FOR.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY. - DON'T YOU THINK?

- NO.

- BUT DON'T THROW [bleep] IN MY FACE

ABOUT STUFF THAT I REALLY DON'T FEEL

I EVEN HAD A CHOICE OF A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

I DIDN'T EVEN--

YOU DON'T WANT TO COME TO KIMBERLY'S GRADUATION,

ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS SAY, "HEY, WE'RE BUSY."

I THINK IT WAS RUDE, AND I THINK IT WAS UNCALLED FOR.

- OH, STOP IT, KIM.

announcer: COMING UP...

- BRANDI, I WAS BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I KNOW WHAT A BULLY IS. - BEING A BULLY--LISTEN.

I'M NOT A BULLY. IF I WAS A BULLY,

I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED YOUR [bleep] TEETH OUT BY NOW.

- KNOCK, KNOCK!

HELLO! - HEY, I'M HERE.

- CAN I COME UP OR ARE YOU COMING DOWN?

- NO, I'M COMING DOWN.

- I ALMOST WORE A PINK SHIRT AND WHITE JEANS.

I'M NOT JOKING. [laughs] - I WOULDN'T MIND.

- NO, BUT THEN I THOUGHT, "I CAN'T GO TO VILLA ROSA

IN PINK AGAIN." - YOU KNOW I WAS IN MISSOURI--

YOU KNOW I WAS IN MISSOURI ALL WEEKEND.

- WHY? - I JUST GOT BUSTED BY KIM

BECAUSE I CHANGED MY FLIGHT AND CAME BACK EARLIER.

SHE'S JUST LIKE, "OH, WHY DIDN'T YOU COME

TO MY DAUGHTER'S GRADUATION?" I SAID, "WELL, I COULDN'T COME.

I WAS IN MISSOURI ALL WEEKEND." SHE SAID, "NO YOU WEREN'T.

YOU WERE HAVING DINNER AT SUR." AND I THOUGHT, "WAS I?"

KIM ALWAYS THROWS ME OFF.

IT'S LIKE, YES, I COULDN'T MAKE YOUR DAUGHTER'S GRADUATION.

I SENT HER A NICE TIFFANY GIFT. I RSVP'D TWO WEEKS BEFORE

SAYING I COULDN'T MAKE IT.

IT'S LIKE, GIVE ME A BREAK, REALLY.

- ALL RIGHT, THIS IS-- LOOK HOW CUTE.

THIS IS MY WEDDING DRESS, BY THE WAY.

- YOUR WEDDING DRESS? - IT'S BADGLEY MISCHKA.

- THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DRESS? - I WORE IT--THE SECOND ONE

I CHANGED INTO AFTER MY GOWN. - OH, IT'S--

I'LL TAKE IT. [laughs] - YOU MIGHT WANT TO KEEP IT.

- THANK YOU FOR STAYING SO LONG. THANK YOU FOR COMING

AND STAYING AS LONG AS YOU DID. I KNOW YOU WANTED

TO GET HOME TO YOUR HUBBY. - IT WAS FUN. NO, IT WAS FUN.

IT WAS FUN. - IT WAS REALLY AWESOME.

- IT WAS FUN. DID YOU SEE THE--YOUR TUNIC?

THAT I GOT YOU? - OH, YES, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- DO YOU LIKE IT?

- COME ON, ROXIE.

- YOU'RE RUNNING. WHY? - [chuckles]

- YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. I NEED YOU TO PACK THE BOXES.

- I'LL PACK THE BOXES LATER. - OH, COME ON.

- I'VE GOT TO GO. I'LL JUST GO WITH THE, UM--

- NO, JUST STAY, OKAY? - I'M GOING.

- STAY. I NEED YOU TO KEEP BRANDI OCCUPIED

OVER THERE. TRUST ME. - I'VE ALREADY HAD WORDS

WITH KIM. - YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

FOR KIM TO SUDDENLY START MAKING A BIG DEAL

ABOUT US NOT GOING TO KIMBERLY'S PARTY,

WHEN WE'D ACTUALLY REPLIED,

AND BOUGHT KIMBERLY A PRESENT, I MIGHT ADD.

WE WERE WORKING ALL WEEKEND WITH THE LITTLE KIDS,

AND THAT WAS IT. - I KNOW.

- I MEAN, IT'S UNREAL.

DON'T THANK US A THANK YOU NOTE. DON'T BOTHER ABOUT THAT.

CAN I GO? - NO, JUST STAY.

- OH. WHERE'S THE BOXING GLOVES?

- HELLO, KIMBERLY. - HI, GIRL. HOW'S YOU?

- HI, JOYCE. - HELLO.

- PRETTY GOOD, THANK YOU. MM.

- LONG TIME NO SEE. [laughs] - I KNOW, RIGHT?

- I FEEL LIKE I'M SEEING YOU-- I JUST SAID THAT OUTSIDE.

I GO, "I FEEL LIKE I SEE KIM EVERYWHERE."

- I SEE YOU A LOT.

- I'M GONNA GIVE THIS PURSE TO HER, EXCUSE ME.

I'M NOT NERVOUS ABOUT TALKING TO JOYCE,

BUT THE CONVERSATION THAT I WANT TO HAVE WITH JOYCE

DOES NOT INVOLVE ANYONE BUT HER AND I.

- NO. HEY, WHERE YOU GOING? LOOK. NO. NO. NO.

- WHAT'S HIS NAME? - "ROXIE."

- ROXIE. ROXIE ATE THE RABBIT. - [whistling]

- YOU BROUGHT A ANIMAL-EATING CRITTER WITH YOU?

- I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE. - YOU BROUGHT AN ANIMAL-EATING--

- I KNEW I WAS SAFE HERE. - SHE ATE THE RABBIT, RIGHT?

- WELL. - GIGGY'S THE SAME SIZE

AS A RABBIT. GIGGY, GET OUT OF HERE.

- SHE HUNTS SOMETIMES.

ROXIE, HER INSTINCT IS TO GO AFTER OTHER ANIMALS AT TIMES.

SHE ATE A BUNNY. WE WERE DEVASTATED BY THIS,

BUT SHE'S AN ANIMAL. YOU CAN'T CONTROL THAT.

- YOU'RE LIKE, "GIGGY, GET OUT OF HERE!" [laughs]

- HI. - HEY, PRETTY.

- WELL, YOU'RE NOT MUCH BIGGER THAN A RABBIT.

SHE ATE A RABBIT THAT'S THE SAME SIZE AS GIGGY.

- I DON'T THINK HE LOOKS VERY DANGEROUS.

- MWAH. - PUT GIGGY IN YOUR OFFICE.

- NO, NO. NO. SHE'S NOT GOING TO EAT GIGGY.

- YES, SHE ATE--

GIGGY'S ABOUT THE SAME SIZE AS A RABBIT.

SO SUDDENLY SHE SHOWS UP WITH ROXIE.

I'M LIKE, "OH, GOD. HOLY COW."

- WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS, A WOLF?

- [laughs] SHE'S GONNA EAT GIGGY.

- GIGGY, ROXIE.

I MEAN, THERE'S KIND OF A BIG DIFFERENCE HERE.

- GIGGY DOESN'T EVEN WALK AROUND.

- LISA, STOP, STOP. - I'M COMING HERE TO BE NICE.

YOU BRING YOUR DOG TO MY HOUSE EVERY DAY.

GIGGY SITS AT EVERY TABLE WITH US, EVERYWHERE WE GO,

AND DRINKS OUT OF GOBLETS.

- OH, SH-- - [laughs]

- GIVE BE A FLIPPING BREAK.

- ROXIE, WANT TO GO INTO THE GARDEN?

[laughter]

- OH, GIRL, I HEARD THAT.

- WELL, THAT'S GOOD, 'CAUSE I WANTED TO TALK TO JOYCE ANYWAY.

JOYCE, THERE'S A FEW THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO YOU,

AND IF YOU WOULD ALLOW ME TO TALK BEFORE YOU SPEAK,

I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

- WE DON'T NEED TO GET INVOLVED IN THIS.

- FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY

THAT I MAY SAY STUPID THINGS SOMETIMES, BUT I'M NOT A RACIST.

SECOND, I MAY HAVE BEEN A BITCH TO YOU IN PALM SPRINGS,

BUT I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN A BULLY.

AND, LASTLY, TO SAY I'M AN ALCOHOLIC

BECAUSE I GOT DRUNK ON VACATION, JUST NOT TRUE.

SO...THAT'S REALLY IT.

- CAN I SPEAK NOW? - SURE.

- FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE A RACIST.

THAT WAS A RACIST COMMENT, WHAT YOU SAID,

AND YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT. - IT WAS A STUPID COMMENT.

- WE'RE NOT GETTING INVOLVED. JUST GET OVER HERE!

- I'M NOT GETTING INVOLVED, I'M LISTENING.

THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN GETTING INVOLVED.

- EVERYONE THAT KNOWS ME KNOWS I SAY STUPID STUFF

ALL OF THE TIME. - OKAY, I LET IT GO,

BUT I'M THINKING TO MYSELF,

"OKAY, I'M TRYING TO GET TO KNOW THIS GIRL.

SHE SAYS RACIAL REMARKS.

THEN SHE CALLS ME--" - OH, ONE. ONE TIME.

- IS IT GOING WELL, OR NOT?

- WELL, IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP FOR A SECOND SO I COULD HEAR,

MAYBE I WOULD KNOW.

- OH, SO YOU'RE BLACK BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SWIM?

I MEAN, THAT'S A RACIAL REMARK.

- THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.

- I CAN'T SWIM. - YOU'RE A BLACK PERSON.

- ACTUALLY I AM. I AM A BLACK PERSON...

- GREAT. OKAY. - BECAUSE IF YOU KNOW

THE HISTORY OF PUERTO RICANS-- - WELL, THEN I'M SORRY

IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU.

- APOLOGY ACCEPTED. - MY EX-HUSBAND--IT'S NOT A--

- WE DON'T NEED TO-- APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

- THERE'S NOTHING RACIST ABOUT ME.

- THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR. APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

- GREAT. - NEXT SUBJECT.

- HUH? - AWKWARD.

- YOU DON'T GO TO SOMEBODY THAT IS HOSTING YOU--

YOU DON'T SAY, "JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG."

- JOYCE, YOU'VE BEEN AROUND ME A HANDFUL OF TIMES IN YOUR LIFE.

- DO YOU WANT ME TO SPEAK? BECAUSE I GAVE YOU--

I GAVE YOU YOUR MOMENT TO SPEAK.

- JOYCE SPEAKS AT YOU, NOT TO YOU,

AND SHE DOESN'T HEAR YOU

WHEN YOU SPEAK TO HER. EVERY TIME.

YES, PLEASE SPEAK, BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND...

- I GAVE YOU YOUR MOMENT TO SPEAK, SO I'M JUST--

I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM.

- WHEN YOU THROW OUT THESE LABELS,

THEY COULD AFFECT MY CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN,

AND THAT IS A BIG DEAL.

- BUT, THEY NEED TO-- - QUIT TALKING, I WANT TO HEAR.

- WHY? - BECAUSE THEN, BY THE TIME

THE STORY COMES BACK TO ME, I WILL HAVE HEARD IT MYSELF

INSTEAD OF THE THREE DIFFERENT VARIATIONS I NORMALLY GET.

IF HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF,

THIS IS GOING TO BE A BIG STORY LATER,

AND THEY'RE GONNA SAY, "BUT SHE SAID, AND SHE SAID,"

AND NOW I CAN SAY, "WELL, I KNOW, BECAUSE I HEARD."

- YOU DON'T NEED TO EVEN HAVE AN OPINION ON THIS.

- THERE'S MANY MORE THINGS THAT I WANT TO SAY.

- YOU MET ME FIVE TIMES, FIVE TIMES.

- CAN I CONTINUE TELLING YOU? YOU'VE BEEN DESPICABLE.

- OH. - DESPICABLE.

AT YOLANDA'S DINNER, WHEN I WAS SPEAKING SPANISH

BECAUSE DAVID ASKED ME TO MAKE A TOAST...

[speaking Spanish]

- I PREFER ENGLISH, 'CAUSE I DON'T--LIKE, I MEAN--

IT'S HARD ENOUGH UNDERSTANDING ENGLISH RIGHT NOW.

- I MEAN. COME ON. WHEN I TELL YOU

I WAS BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL-- - IT'S ME BEING A BITCH.

- YOU KNOW HOW WE ALWAYS SAY...

[British accent] "OH, THERE'S YOUR--HER STORY,

YOUR STORY, AND THE TRUTH." - WE DON'T SAY...

[exaggerated British accent] "OH, THERE'S YOUR STORY,

HER STORY, AND THE TRUTH." - [laughs]

THERE'S THREE SIDES.

- BUGGER OFF NOW.

- LET'S JUST AGREE. I DON'T LIKE YOU,

YOU DON'T LIKE ME, AND THAT'S FINE.

- I DON'T NEED TO LIKE YOU, AND I'M NOT A $100 BILL

THAT YOU NEED TO LIKE. - EXACTLY, SO STOP--

- WAIT, 32D? - YEAH.

- YOUR TAG OF YOUR BRA IS-- - OH, RIGHT.

- WHO KNEW YOU WERE A "D"? - YEAH. I AM.

THESE ARE A "D," YEAH - A "D"?

- STOP MESSING WITH ME.

- I DON'T. - STOP MESSING WITH ME.

YOU'RE SAYING YOU NEVER BULLIED ME.

I WAS BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL, I KNOW--

- I'M NOT A BULLY. IF I WAS A BULLY,

I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED YOUR [bleep] TEETH OUT BY NOW.

- OH.

KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT IF YOU WERE A BULLY?

NO. THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO GO ABOUT IT.

- I DON'T HAVE SYMPATHY FOR IT IF YOU DON'T TAKE

RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. - I DON'T CARE

IF YOU HAVE SYMPATHY FOR ANY PART OF ME,

BUT WHEN YOU LABEL ME THESE HORRIBLE THINGS--

- OH, [bleep] THIS.

- I DO, I THINK THAT PALM SPRINGS WAS A LITTLE--

WAS DEFINITELY NOT-- - A LITTLE?

- LET'S JUST SORT THESE CLOTHES OUT. KYLE?

- DID YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY FOR PALM SPRINGS?

- I'M--I'M NOT, NO. - YOU DON'T--

THERE'S NO SORRY? - SHE'S NOT SORRY.

- YOU DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR MAYBE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU SAID?

- I MEAN, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN APOLOGY,

SO I DON'T FEEL LIKE I NEED TO GIVE ONE EITHER.

- CARLTON. - HELLO.

- COME FOR A NICE, RELAXING AFTERNOON.

GO AND JOIN THEM OVER THERE. - REALLY?

INTO THE FRAY, RIGHT? - [laughs] I'M JOKING.

STAY HERE WITH US. IT'S MUCH SAFER HERE.

- THIS IS GREAT. - REALLY?

- YES. - OKAY, I'LL TAKE THAT ONE

ON THE FRONT. - I KNOW, RIGHT?

- IF SOMEONE'S VICIOUSLY ATTACKING ME A MILLION TIMES,

I DON'T FEEL I NEED TO APOLOGIZE, I FEEL--

- HI. - HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD, BABY. HOW ARE YOU? - OH, YOU LOOK PRETTY.

- YOU'RE LIKE, "WELL, HELLO THERE."

- WELL, NO, I WAS--I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?"

- YES, EXACTLY.

- COME ON. SOMEBODY COME AND HELP ME WITH THE BOXES.

- [laughs] - LET'S REMEMBER WHY WE'RE HERE.

- I'LL COME AND HELP YOU, 'CAUSE I'M DONE.

I'M DONE.

announcer: COMING UP...

- BUT I CAN GIVE YOU A HUG, AND I CAN MOVE ON.

- DON'T TOUCH ME! EW! LIKE, DON'T COME NEAR ME!

- LET'S GET WET AND RUN THROUGH LISA'S HOUSE.

COME ON, ROXIE. LISA?

- OH, I HAVE GOT TO PUSH YOU IN THERE.

- I WILL KILL YOU. - [laughs]

- I SWEAR TO GOD, LISA, I WILL KILL YOU.

- [laughs] - I WILL KILL YOU.

I WILL KILL YOU. OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE SO--

- OH! - OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS MY OUTFIT! - AH!

YOU'RE SO CHILDISH, KYLE.

- I'M SO CONFUSED.

I DIDN'T THINK LISA AND KYLE WERE ON SUCH GOOD TERMS.

- [laughs]

- BACK ON, BACK OFF. BACK ON, BACK OFF.

- SO CHILDISH. - [laughs]

OH, MY GOD, NO! MY HAIR!

- LISA, YOUR PANTS ARE SEE-THROUGH.

[laughter] HA HA.

- WHAT ABOUT THIS? ROBERTO CAVALLI.

- OH, THAT IS CUTE! OH! - I LIKE THAT DRESS.

- JOYCE, THIS IS FOR YOU. - OKAY, THAT IS SO ME.

I LOVE THAT. - AND THERE'S A CROSS ON IT.

IT'S FOR CARLTON.

- LISTEN, SO YOU'RE AT A STALEMATE.

IF YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY FROM HER,

SHE'S CLEARLY NOT GONNA GIVE IT,

AND SHE'S WAITING FOR IT FROM YOU.

THEN WHAT DO WE DO? WE DO THIS EVERY TIME?

- BUT, LISA-- - LISA, IN PALM SPRINGS,

SHE NEVER EVEN SPOKE UP FOR HERSELF ONCE.

- RIGHT, I AGREE, LOVE.

- SO LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

KNOWING THAT SHE WAS RUDE TO YOU IN PALM SPRINGS

BY CALLING YOU "JACQUELINE" HOWEVER MANY TIMES--

- AND AT YOLANDA'S, WHICH YOU WEREN'T THERE.

- KIM, WILL YOU ORGANIZE HERE? I'VE GOT ANXIETY.

- YOU'RE USING A LOT OF BLOODY LABELS,

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT-- THE WAY YOU OPERATE.

- I KNOW YOU WANT TO COME AND DEFEND HER.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU--I'M GONNA TELL YOU THE WAY I OPERATE.

- LOOK, WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE NOT A RACIST.

WE ALL KNOW IT WAS A STUPID REMARK.

- SORRY, YOU CAN'T JUSTIFY PUTTING LABELS ON PEOPLE,

NOT EVEN KNOWING HER. - NO.

- BY THE WAY, YOU ARE IN NO POSITION

TO PUT THAT KIND OF LABEL ON ANYBODY.

- SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO BE RUDE TO ME.

SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO ATTACK ME.

- BUT YOU CAN'T CALL HER BI-POLAR.

- SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO CALL ME A BIG, FAT PIG.

"JOYCE IS A BIG FAT PIG." - YEAH, BECAUSE YOU REALLY--

SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO CALL ME "JACQUELINE."

SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO CALL ME "JOY-SAY."

- OKAY. SHE'S IN NO POSITION TO SAY--

- "BL-BL-BL-BL-BL." AND THIS IS ALL I'M HEARING,

"BL-BL-BL-BL-BL." I'M WATCHING THE MOUTH,

AND I'M LIKE, "[bleep] HELL, STOP."

- I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH HER,

THE ONLY TIME I GOT A WORD IN WAS WHEN SHE TOOK A BREATH.

- [laughs] I SCREW UP EVERY DAY, PROBABLY.

I SAY THINGS I SHOULDN'T SAY, I DO THINGS I SHOULDN'T DO.

IT'S JUST WHO I AM. I'M NORMAL, I MAKE MISTAKES,

I'M NOT PERFECT. AND I'M NOT SORRY. I'M SORRY--

- BUT SHE WAS RETALIATING OVER YOU KIND OF

TREATING HER POORLY IN PALM SPRINGS.

- THAT'S GREAT, AND I WAS RETALIATING

OVER WHAT SHE PULLED AT THE THOMPSON.

- LISA CAN GIVE CRITICISM, BUT SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. - YES IT WAS.

- WHEN HAVE I GIVEN CRITICISM

TO ANYONE? - OH, WOW. OKAY.

- OKAY, SO CAN YOU JUST KIND OF END IT LIKE THAT?

- YES, SURE.

YOU CANNOT WIN WITH THIS PERSON. YOU JUST CAN'T.

IT'S LIKE, YOU CAN'T FIGHT WITH CRAZY, SO JUST GIVE IT UP.

- JOYCE. - WE CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

- I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU IN PALM SPRINGS,

CALLING YOU "JACQUELINE," OR WHATEVER I SAID.

I AM NONE OF THE THINGS THAT YOU'VE LABELED ME.

I THINK IT'S INCREDIBLY RUDE AND JUDGMENTAL

FOR YOU TO DO THAT.

MOVING FORWARD, I WILL BE KIND TO YOU,

AND NOT CALL YOU ANY OTHER NAME THAN "JOYCE."

- I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOU, CALLING YOU THE THINGS

THAT I CALLED YOU, BECAUSE I AM WOMAN ENOUGH

TO ACCEPT MY MISTAKES.

ON MY END, THE ISSUE WITH BRANDI IS OVER FOR GOOD.

I HOPE THAT ON HER END, IT'S NOT JUST A BAND-AID,

AND I HOPE SHE CAN REALLY STOP BEING

THE MEAN BRANDI THAT I'VE KNOWN SO FAR.

- YAY. - RESOLUTION.

- NO BEING CYNICAL, BUT I CAN GIVE YOU A HUG, AND MOVE ON.

- DON'T TOUCH ME! EW! LIKE, DON'T COME NEAR ME!

WE CAN AGREE TO DISAGREE, BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO HUG.

NOW LET'S HAVE SOME SHOTS OF TEQUILA.

[laughter]

announcer: NEXT TIME,

ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- I'M GOING TO SACRAMENTO. I HAVE A BOOK SIGNING THERE.

- WHO STAYED HERE THAT WE WOULD KNOW?

BARACK OBAMA? - NO. MR. SCHWARZENEGGER.

- EW! GET OUT OF BED! - AH!

- WOW. - WHOO!

- THAT'S PUSSY POWER.

- NOW WE'RE TALKING!

- LIKE THAT? - YEAH, SO RIGHT NOW--

CAN YOU HEAR MY VOICE?

- HE'S TAPPING! HE'S TAPPING! LET GO!

- I THINK I ALMOST STRANGLED HIM. [laughs]

[women yelling]

- KIM, DO NOT KICK ME IN THE PENIS, IT HURTS.

- OH.

[laughter]

- SHE'S LAUGHING AT YOU.

all: OH!

- I JUST WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE.

MY FAMILY'S, LIKE, FALLING [bleep] APART, AND--

- SNAP OUT OF IT. HUH?

- I'M FINE. - "I'M FINE" DOESN'T WORK

WITH ME. - I'M FINE.

SHE'S ALWAYS MOMMY-ING ME.

- LISA.

announcer: TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,

GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.