Original subtitles

I'm a natural born hero.

I like danger. It makes me feel alive.

Are you sure that's really what you want?

That is not my video.

These hands are deadly weapons.

You want to pull a stunt like this again?

At least wait till I'm off duty.

My life is in danger here and everybody thinks it's a joke. Creatures.

A man and a mate nicht.

And right here is where you start paying.

What?

I'm going to live forever.

Baby, remember my name.

General Overdyne

Information Database. Please enter your access.

Code invalid. Access to database denied.

Code invalid.

Access to database denied.

Code invalid.

No further attempts allowed.

Warning. You are an unauthorized user. This terminal is now inoperative.

What makes you so sure you're going to win?

I do have several videos to my credit. Rock videos? Big deal.

Yeah, well, at least I know how to handle a camera.

The judges are looking for creative subjects.

Yeah, in focus.

Innovative staging. Well -framed shots.

You know, you two do have the right to remain silent. What is it this time?

It's an SOA student video contest. Which I'm going to win.

So, uh, what are your videos about?

I haven't really worked out all the details. I've got so many possibilities,

know, it's hard to decide.

Yeah, well, you'll think of something. Hey, look, check this out.

Which one's best for me? Sort of depends on the part, doesn't it? It isn't for a

part. It's for me, man, the real me. The real you?

Yeah. You know, I could do more than just act and sing.

I'm a natural -born hero.

You just got to figure out what you're kind.

Don, this is all just Hollywood.

It's image.

No, no, it's more than image. Like that guy in the news.

The one who cut those bank robbers? Yeah.

He's standing outside a bank.

These guys can run out with the loot.

Kabang! Nails, man!

Yeah, some studio's trying to buy the rights to a story. That's right.

That's a hero.

Hey, and I could do that. That's being in the right place at the right time.

Reggie, you create the moment. I got this theory. You get what you expect.

That's a fascinating theory.

And I got it. I mean, brains, heart, guts, everything but opportunity.

You want opportunity? Sign up for the force.

No offense, Patrick, but I'm looking for a challenge. You think walking the

beat's easy?

Lost kittens, parking tickets, looking for important stuff, you know? Yeah,

for me to go nab some career jaywalkers. Hey, you need their hand, let me know.

Ah, just kidding, just kidding. Right.

Reminds me, I gotta call Jillian. Can I use your phone? Yeah.

She still on that work -study program?

Yeah, she's working for some big company uptown.

She's typing my resume on their computer.

Yeah, Jillian Beckett, please.

The new Chris Donlan, new shots.

New numbers, new resumes. Forget about it.

Hey, Jillian.

Yeah.

Yeah, working hard? Yeah, it's really hectic today. Somebody broke in last

and smashed my terminal. Do you believe that? So I'm really far behind. I just

started on your resume.

Oh, well, how's it coming?

It's okay, but I can't quite read your handwriting. It's 437 East 85th Street,

right? Yeah, yeah.

Look, Jillian, could you get it done by tomorrow?

No problem.

All right.

You know, I really appreciate you taking time to do this.

Look, Chris, I got to go. I'm going to take care of you when I'm famous, you

hear me?

Thanks.

Ready, begin.

One, two, three, four, five.

You are now logged on to the General Overdine Information Database. Your

clearance level is two.

Seven, eight, three.

Enter name and address of subject to receive information.

Four, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, five,

two... All right, all right, cassettes are here. Who needs them?

Go easy on them because we don't have... All right, everybody back, everybody

back. Organize yourself into two lines. or this camera shop is going to snap it

shut. Good, that's real good. Now stay right there.

Noses.

Sounds like something I'd do. Didn't think I had it in me, did you?

Something different, something original, something... Weird.

Look, don't worry about it, girl. I got it covered.

It's going to be so easy. I don't have lots to worry about, no dialogue, no

Just me and my camera and noses.

Funny noses. Big noses. No, no, Miss Fleischmann. Gee, seven score, they

be redundant.

Grumpy noses.

Now watch what you're doing. Respect the equipment, boys and girls. Ladies and

gentlemen, please remember to respect this equipment. What are you doing?

I'm doing an homage to two show business greats. This grant is perfect for one,

and for the... I'll tell you about it later, okay?

What's the matter?

Try to don't nick your idea.

Don't worry.

I've already got one.

Picture it. Two immortals confronting each other. Billie Holiday and Jimmy

Stewart. What do you think?

Why are you taping now?

Well, I wanted a record of my concept from the beginning.

Well?

I don't know. I do.

You are afraid.

You're afraid to play anything other than yourself.

You are. For you to play Jimmy Stewart would be a really good challenge for

No, no, no. It's not that. It's just Jimmy Stewart's not that much of a

contrast.

Now, you take somebody like, uh, well, Steve McQueen.

Billie Holiday's blues and Steve McQueen's baby blues.

That would be a confrontation.

I like it.

Great. I'm in. How about you, Miss Grant?

I'm in, too, but you know what? I've got a great idea.

Yeah? Instead of Billie Holiday, let's do Dorothy Dandridge.

Who?

Dorothy Dandridge.

The black Marilyn Monroe.

She played Carmen in Carmen Jones. She was Beth in Porgy and Beth. Oh, trust

Reggie, she's perfect.

Okay.

Dorothy Dandridge it is.

You know something? Your input is really going to help this project.

Good. You see, me, Steve McQueen, is the essence of cool. You know, he never

lost control. He never gave in.

Even when he was defeated, he always drew victory out of it by the way he

with it.

I think I could do something really interesting.

Character study of me, huh?

Yeah. Well, your theory about the self -made hero, it fascinates me.

You know, it would be cinema verite.

Donovan, a man and his ambition.

Something I could show an agent?

Possibly. I mean, quite possibly.

Okay, okay, you got it. Why don't you stay out of my way?

Okay, you're all set.

That recharge tape loaded lens cap off. Good. Because when Chris Donlan's moment

happened, you better be ready. Now let's get out of here. All right.

The city.

Dirty. Dangerous.

The man.

Christopher Donlan.

Talented. Unafraid.

Does the guy into the New York streets add an edge to your work as an actor?

Definitely. Definitely.

Gives my blood pumping. My muscles prime.

I like danger. It makes me feel alive.

Oh, I've got to handle that. Whatever comes my way, Chris, I'm ready.

You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.

Delivery for Mr. Dollar.

You found me, huh?

I'm here, please.

Good. Talk about hero.

President's greatest hits.

Don't hit me.

Don't hit me.

That's great, Lou. Now, could you wither your nose like a bunny for me?

No. I hate it.

Oh,

sorry. I'm wearing your leg. I'm ready.

I am ready.

Here, hold the coat, will you?

Lou, we're in the shop.

to tell you I got nothing to say I'm gonna put

this dream in motion never let nothing stand in my way oh

when the going gets tough the tough get going

I'm gonna get my

I'm gonna make you stand and deliver.

Give you love in the old -fashioned way.

Darling,

I'll climb any mountain.

Darling, I'll do anything.

Ooh, ooh, can I touch you? Can I touch you? And do the things that lovers do.

Ooh, ooh, wanna hold you. Wanna hold you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Sounds like the same old diamond for me.

Yeah, what's the matter with that?

I'm gonna buy me a one -way ticket.

Can I touch you? Can I touch you? And do the things that lovers do.

Ooh. Ooh.

Wanna hold you. Wanna hold you. I gotta get it through to you.

Oh. Wanna go and get it tough.

Tough, yeah.

I could have killed you. Yeah, there was a nice bit of fear there.

Ambition leading to paranoia. I like that. I almost rearranged your face,

You've got to be more careful.

These hands are deadly weapons.

I'm trying to remember that.

Okay.

Oh, come on, man. Pack it in. Pack it in.

If you like, but I don't have much time for this, you know. I thought we'd go

back. All right, crazy man.

Good night.

The hero, like you, needed to call the police.

Okay, okay, I had that coming.

Wait till you see what they did to my plate.

Well, go on.

I thought you said this place was ransacked.

It was.

I don't get it.

That was over there.

I know you think that what I do isn't important, but a practical joke like

is way out of line.

They must have cleaned up.

That's it. That's it. They cleaned up. They cleaned up. Say who? There's no

signs of forced entry.

I'll prove it to you.

They pulled the phone out.

They must have fixed it.

You don't believe me, do you?

You ever want to pull a stunt like this again?

At least wait till I'm off duty.

Dorothy Janwich and Steve McQueen. Scene one, take one. Roll one.

Reggie Higgins, director.

Reggie Higgins, camera operator.

Maxie Sharp, camera dolly pusher. Maxie, would you give it a rest?

Wait a second, I'm not finished. Maxie!

begins to beam every night I dream a little dream

and of course Prince Charming is the theme the he

for me although I

realize as well as you it is seldom that a

dream comes true

That he'll appear.

Someday you'll come along,

the man I love.

And he'll be big and strong, the man I love.

And when he comes my way, I'll do my best to make

him stay.

look at me and smile I'll understand and in a little while

he'll take my hand and though it seems absurd I

know he both won't say a word

maybe I'll meet him

Still I'm sure I'll meet him one day.

Maybe Tuesday will be my good news day.

He'll build a little home just meant for two.

From which I'll never roam.

Who would want you?

Yeah, Miss Grant.

I don't think that was right.

You want to do it again?

No, I don't want to do it again. I want to do something else, honey.

Look, I just don't think this song captures the essence of Dorothy

No? No.

And I think you'd be a lot happier if we did a production number, something with

dance in it, like one of the songs from Porgy and Bess. Miss Grant, I don't have

time to come up with a dance routine. I understand that.

Good, I appreciate that.

I'll take care of it for you. I'll do the whole thing. Don't worry, it's done.

study program will help the students to support themselves while they're waiting

for that big break to happen. Um, could you keep talking, please?

What? Yes, see, I want to make sure I do justice to that cute little mustache of

yours, all right?

Well, uh, Mr. Sharofsky is one of its biggest, uh, supporters.

Thank you for sharing the limelight, but Miss Tyler already has a mortal life,

my proboscis.

Your proboscis, you mean? Noses, I just love noses.

This is the moment. Such an opportunity may not come again.

You know, you're right. Mrs. Berg, let me introduce you to 15 minutes of fame,

okay? Well, are you sure that's really what you want?

Yes. Oh, yes, but could you do that again right here in the camera?

Bergman couldn't possibly have started like this. Okay, ready? Sneak.

It's too hot to fight.

Why don't we just have a couple of beers and then you can come along quietly,

huh?

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, I was just trying out a few changes I thought Steve might like.

A fifth sight. A car chase.

An escape from Devil's Island? What happened to my dialogue?

I just made a few minor cuts.

Uh, well, you see, Steve doesn't talk much. Minor cuts? This is open -heart

surgery. Higgins, look, what is, uh, say, could I have a drink? I mean,

no line for Steve. He, he never asked.

questions. He's got all the answers. Mr.

Seeger, I... The man had an attitude.

He was the characters he played.

You want to know how he'd do the same?

Show you.

All I see is the back of your head.

Well, you see, that's my point. McQueen could act with the back of his head.

Look... Look, I think we should just get rid of all this talk. Look, Mr. Seeger,

I really appreciate your dedication to character, but no.

I say yes.

I say no.

Yes.

Oh, that's good.

That is really good.

Oh, could you stand us a little bit closer together?

No!

Steve McQueen never argues.

He just states his position.

Thanks a lot.

Man, it was tough all over the floor. It was a mess.

Come on, hey, give it up. Pick some ice cream.

Thanks.

Look, Tony, what I'm trying to do here is fairytale, okay?

You don't have to create the moment for me.

Ian, I ain't creating a moment. This happened.

Really happened. Right just in your apartment. It looked the same as it did

yesterday. Well, it must have cleaned up, okay? Patrick didn't believe me

either. Hi.

You've been working hard.

I'd be too, all right?

Ian, get out of here.

Didn't they teach you any manners in England?

Like when to let up?

This time I ain't going easy on them.

What's in my back pocket?

Come now, Mr.

Donlan. Do I look like a common ruffian?

How do you know my name?

I don't want your wallet.

I want the information.

I don't have any information, man.

No, no.

Making this unnecessarily difficult, Christopher.

Dude,

my armpit's the other way. Let the change.

We want you to get the package and bring it to us.

The package, the package.

What package?

Yeah, the package. I was just kidding. The package. How soon can you get it?

Soon, real soon.

Not real soon, pretty soon. What if I 8 o 'clock?

Tonight, if we don't get it, we'll really be upset.

I don't see any bruises.

Well, they didn't actually hit me.

It was just before our throw left.

Well, Ed, that's funny, Ian. They waited until you left so there'd be no

witness. These are the guys that messed up your apartment.

Who cleaned it up, Chris?

Wait, wait, I thought, I thought Ian was there. Oh, he didn't clean it up.

No, he was there before. Before he came to lose. No, before I opened the door.

I got tape to edit.

I'll walk you out. You know, my life is in danger here, and everybody thinks

it's a joke.

Now, are you going to be there or what?

Huh?

Hot dog stand, 8 o 'clock.

Make sure you get up early. Yeah, and keep that assorted now.

Make sure you get on the tape, mister.

What's going on? I don't know.

I'll just shoot what I see.

Looks to me like you're subject to losing it.

I understand your subjects have already lost it.

Nonsense.

Even as we speak, Miss Grant's working on a wonderful dance number, which I'm

getting ready to shoot.

We're doing fine.

Well, we're doing fine, too.

I simply have to retitle mine. It'll be called, uh, Creep, the Man, and

His Magnet.

This better not be another washout. Are you going to be there or not? These guys

are threatening me. I'll be there. I just hope they'll be there.

They will.

They think I got something they want. Which is what?

I don't know. They keep talking about a package or something.

And you don't have it. Oh, I haven't received a package in over a year.

Shit. Leslie's greatest hits.

Logic, right?

Lou.

What's General Overdine?

Big conglomerate.

Makes everything from baby food to planes and stuff for the Air Force.

National security type stuff?

Yeah. Why?

Patrick!

The cop just left. Did you see which way he went?

Why is that? That's thoughtful. Yeah, that's thoughtful.

Christopher, you weren't planning on doing something foolish, were you? Like

us up at that hot dog stand? Oh, no, no, no. Of course not.

See,

that's a common mistake that a lot of beginners make.

In fact... Excuse me, mister. I have two lemon icicles and one ice cream salad.

Go away. Get rid of him. Get rid of him.

Look, you see, I want my ice cream. Go away. I want my ice cream.

Go after him.

But your friend Ian was here. With his camera. Hey, if you want to be at your

movie, you only had to ask. Look, hold it down, man. They could be listening.

They, they, they, they. Oh. The spies.

Oh, the spies.

Ian mentioned them before he left. They weren't on time either.

It's because they caught up with me.

I gotta wait, all right?

Patrick, I got a top security team from General Overdive. Well, that explains

everything.

I got it by mistake.

Look at me.

The FBI, CIA. This is much bigger than I thought. You know, you start out with

one little lie, and pretty soon it grows.

I'm telling you the truth.

I'm going to go home. I can't. They're probably watching my apartment.

That's why I hid the tape in the school.

This hero stuff has gone to your head. Listen, just come back with me and take

the tape. You can have the credit. I don't care.

Chris, I don't have time for you to make police spy stories. I have parking

tickets and lost kids in the field.

I think that's what we need

to do. A big master this way.

Then, honey, calm down with the smoke. Then a few cuts. over this way.

Then calm down with the smoke till we're ready to go. Then let's do a reverse,

totally reverse on Hector's entrance right here.

Look, Miss Grant, I'd really like to get this in one take.

One take, darling? There's no way to do this. You need lots of different angles.

Cut, cut. I don't have time to edit all of this. Sure you do. The contest isn't

until 10 o 'clock tomorrow morning. That gives you all night long.

Maxie, why don't you get another camera?

What? We're going to need two cameras to cover this.

It ain't necessarily so.

It ain't necessarily so.

The things that you liable to read in the Bible, it ain't necessarily

so.

Well, David was small, but oh my.

Well, David was small, but oh my.

It ain't necessarily so.

It ain't necessarily so.

They tell all you chillin' the devil's a villain, but it ain't necessarily so.

It's great.

All right, people, come on. We can do much better than this. Let's get back to

your opening positions. We're going to do take two. Come on, let's go.

No.

No? No, I don't want to do it again. What is wrong with you?

Steve doesn't dance.

Now you tell me Steve doesn't dance? You know, I have had it with you. I have

tried to meet you halfway, but you want it all your way.

Steve doesn't dance. Steve doesn't sing. According to you, Steve doesn't even

talk. I can't work like this. I'm sorry. I quit.

Hey,

look, don't worry about it, Higgins. I, uh...

We can call it Steve.

You have reached the Central Intelligence Agency.

Our business hours are from 9 to 5, Monday through Saturday.

If you wish, you may leave a message at the tone, and an agent will return your

call.

Hi, my name is Chris Donlan, and I'm at 555 -6512.

And I have a secret tape from General Overdyke.

And I'd like to return it.

The guys are following me. They're after me in an ice cream truck.

So please call me.

Soon.

Pull an all -nighter?

Yeah.

I had to edit my video.

Nine hours staring at a TV screen.

I think I fried my retinas.

You want some breakfast?

No, thanks, Lou.

Can I just get some coffee?

Sure.

Coming right up.

There you go.

Thanks.

Another live wire.

Coffee? Yeah, please.

Yeah, me too.

So did you finish editing your video, then?

Okay, I think.

Who can tell?

You know, I thought doing this video contest was going to be fun.

Yeah, me too.

It's really hard working with other people.

My subject tried to take over.

My subject disappeared.

I've got a video with no ending.

I don't even know what I've got.

Judges are probably going to throw things at the screen.

No.

Not if they watch mine first.

I'll be asleep.

Tell you what.

Why don't we go out, take a walk, get some air?

Sounds great.

Maybe we could stop someplace and get some coffee, huh?

It's a long story.

And you?

I'm supposed to help set up for the video contest today. What about your

What job? I got fired last night. They said I froze up their computer system

somehow.

Which means I didn't quite finish your resume. I only got as far as your name

and address.

Name and address, huh?

Yeah, but don't worry about it. I'll finish it when I get home, I promise.

You're like working at General Overdine anyway. All that hush -hush is too

creepy for me.

General Overdine?

That's where you work?

Yeah.

You started this.

Started what?

I thought I got mixed up and all. There's some computer screw -up. Look

sent me.

Project Rocket?

Wow, what is this? I don't know, but whatever it is, it's top secret.

We gotta go to the CIA.

CIA? There are enemy spies after this. Our national security's at stake here.

Never been one of my favorite games.

Hey, dude.

Looking for me?

Christopher. How nice to see you again.

Yeah, I'd like to stick around, you know, but I got an appointment.

Run!

I swear you're dead if you hurt her.

Thank you.

happens when you try to get clever? Why are you giving us so much trouble

anyway?

Because we're Americans. Tell him, Chris.

Yeah, we're Americans.

What has that got to do with anything?

Christopher, you've gone to a lot of trouble for nothing.

I win again.

And you, an amateur, are the loser.

Our first entry is by Miss Reggie Higgins.

Egos in motion.

Scene one, take one. Roll one.

I think that's what we need to do. A big master this way.

Honey, calm down with the smoke. Then a few cuts over this way.

Calm down with the smoke till we're ready to go. Then let's do a reverse.

There's no way to do this. You need lots of different angles. Cut, cut. No. I

want to do something else.

Good. You see, Dorothy did... You know, he never lost control. He never gave in.

God, she was such a brilliant actress. Even when he was defeated, he always

victory out of it by the way he dealt with it. Whatever she did, it was so...

Great.

I'm in.

Got a great idea?

Sounds real talky. Let's do Dorothy Dandridge.

No! Oh, trust me. Reggie, she's perfect.

Steve McQueen never argues.

Trust me. He never asks questions.

Trust me. He just states his position.

Trust me. Trust me. Well, you see, that's my point. McQueen could act with

back of his head.

I don't think that was right.

Steve doesn't dance.

He doesn't even talk. Let's just get back to your opening positions. We're

to do take two. Come on, let's go.

People, come on. We can do much better than this. Let's just get back to your

opening positions. We're going to do take two. Come on, let's go.

No, I don't want to do it again. I want to do something else. No.

We gotta get out of here. You got a plan?

No.

Great, well, I do.

Shut up!

Shut up! They ain't gonna hear us down here. Yes, they are. The people are

showing up for the contest right now. We ain't gonna tour the basement.

Give me some paint now.

Pull hard.

Up here, up here. Look at this one. Up here, up here.

a grog to me. That guy's starting to tick me off now.

Let's go break his thumbs.

Did you have to bite me? I'm sorry.

Chris?

This

is

great. I don't know what you're so worried about.

I guess it's not as bad as I thought.

Mom's next.

But I don't think I'll contend it.

See ya.

Sir, excuse me. I need your tickets.

Tickets?

me into here.

I'm all tied up.

I knew you were in this type of thing. Oh, come on. The first thing we gotta do

is get the tape. Wait a minute. I thought you said we were going to the

Who's gonna believe us without a tape?

beaten by an amateur.

We should have deep -sixed that guy the first time that we met him.

So?

We've learned something.

Free ice cream cone coming. Don't you touch me. I have one of the finest

in town. I will be out of here in two weeks. Hey, I like your video.

Matthew seems to think that you and I are guaranteed to take prizes.

Oh, you can forget your little award. I think I've got a feature here.

Hi. Small for the camera.

Chris, I gotta hand it to you. Catching the bad guys, saving my little sister.

Hey, it was nothing. It was nothing.

but I will need statements from both of you.

I'll start it off one day. It was real peaceful.

And I got this tape.

Oh, my God, the tape. I forgot the tape!

Our last entry is a video by Miss Dusty Tyler entitled On the Nose.

Roll tape, please.

thought i was a hero and instead i risked my neck for a soft drink hey you

risked your neck to save my life and you thought you were saving your country

pretty heroic if you ask me i guess you're right

i just love mixed media don't you