All language subtitles for S04E23 - Who Am I, Really

This is Diane Pettit. She's a
photographer.

She's going to be taking pictures around
the school for the next few days.

You're her,

aren't you?

You're my real mother.

Stop seeing her.

Well, what do you think she wants? She
just wants to get to know me. I'm her

flesh and blood. She gave birth to me.

You can't ask me to stop seeing her.

He should be rehearsing my number, but
he's not here.

Who says?

It's about time.

Can we talk alone?

We are alone, Jesse.

No, no, I mean without this electronic
bugging device you're always carrying

This is my tape recorder. I'm keeping a
journal.

And someday, when I'm rich and famous,
I'll have it published.

Yeah, well, leave me out of it. When I'm
rich and famous, I don't want people to

know I was late. You can get a
reputation with this.

Come on, I have to rehearse.

Lighten up, Vicki.

How many times... Sometimes can we
rehearse this number? We will rehearse

number until I get it right. I want it
to be perfect.

Yeah, but if you over -rehearse
something, you take all the fun out of

me, it's no fun unless it's perfect.

Who's that?

I don't know.

I thought I recognized her from
somewhere, but I'm not sure from where.

You gave her permission to take pictures
here at the school, remember?

So glad to meet you, Mr. Morlock. I
really appreciate the opportunity of

this. He can't answer you. He's lost his
voice.

Nose on the vocal cord.

Probably from yelling at the students.

You won't be able to talk for two weeks.

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be. We're not.

Just feel free to move about the school.
Take as many pictures as you'd like. Do

your thing.

Right, Mr. Morlock?

Oh, I like him so much better this way.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

It's just not working out.

I gotta do this thing again.

Play it again, Sam. If you can take it,
I can.

Please be seated. Good morning.

Come on. Come on.

Good morning.

Good morning, Miss Sherwood.

Before we begin, I'd like to introduce
our guest.

This is Diane Pettit. She's a
photographer.

She's going to be taking pictures around
the school for the next few days.

Yeah, I could use some 8x10 blouses.

Actually, I don't take those kind of
pictures.

What kind of pictures do you take? I
guess I could simplify it by saying

Interesting faces.

I've got an interesting face.

Do you make a lot of money doing that?

Not much.

But you must be pretty famous, right?

Has anybody in this class ever heard of
me?

No, I don't make a lot of money and I'm
not famous.

Then why do you do it?

Because I love it.

Why do you do what you do?

Because we want to be rich and famous.

I guess what's important to me...

is my work, the joy I find in it.

Because even if I don't wind up rich and
famous, it's the experience for me.

I'll have had the pleasure of the
journey.

Don't flatter yourself with Paul. It's
not for taking pictures of you.

I'm taking pictures of everyone.

But then why, every time I turn around,
she's there pointing a camera at me.

She follows me everywhere.

Not everywhere.

Because it's the only place she hasn't
shown up.

Listen, Paul, maybe it's a good thing
she's taking all these pictures of you.

I going to end up with Mark tonight?

I'm serious, Polly.

I'm serious, Polly. There's something
about that woman.

What?

I don't know. I really can't explain it,
but... It's more like a feeling.

You know, like somewhere along the line
we might have connected.

Wednesday the 20th.

Something weird happened this morning.

I was rehearsing with Jessie.

Well, she was photographing us.

And then...

My leg went out from under me.

I thought I pulled a hamstring. The pain
was incredible.

It's not that she did anything so
special.

Actually, it was simple.

She just put her hand on my calf.

I could feel the heat from her hand
going into my leg.

Then the pain disappeared.

I feel in some strange way there's a
link between us.

How's your leg?

Fine.

You're working late tonight.

Me too.

You know, you've been taking a lot of
pictures of me.

I like interesting faces.

I never considered my face very
interesting.

Well, it is.

You know, I get the feeling I know you
from somewhere.

Maybe we knew each other in another
life.

Yeah.

Nicole, don't push your art so hard that
you forget to love it.

I don't know how long we walked.

We lost all track of time.

I had a lot of questions, but mostly I
listened a lot.

She was 15 years old. She wanted to keep
me.

But she knew she couldn't.

She lived in a small town, and her
parents, well, they couldn't handle it.

I always knew I was adopted, and now for
the first time, I saw where I came

from.

I guess deep inside, I'd always felt
abandoned.

But now listening to her talk, it was
almost as though she were the one who'd

been left behind.

I just wanted to see you.

To see what kind of a woman you've grown
into.

Glad I did.

This is more than I ever could have
hoped for.

Well, aren't you going to say anything?

Aren't you going to say something like,
I'm glad you're here, Diane?

I'm glad you're here, Diane.

And I was glad.

Because I could ask the questions I've
lived with all these years.

And Diane could give me the answers.

Coffee? Tea?

Anything? Honey, those things alone will
keep me awake.

Come on, it's not that late. It's after
11.

She's got school tomorrow.

Now, what about her homework? She is
probably out with a friend. Doesn't she

know the telephone's been invented?

She is going to come walking through
that door any minute, and then you are

going to feel silly. No, I won't. You'll
feel silly.

I have no problem at all telling my
daughter she's worried me half to death.

Sweetheart, I am not going to pretend to
Nicole that I'm not worried. If you

want to, you go right ahead.

I don't care if she thinks I'm square or
that I'm not.

I am worried about my daughter, and I'm
not afraid to show it.

Hi, folks.

I guess I should have called.

Really? Oh, what time is it?

Gee, I didn't even realize how late it
was.

Nicole? Ma 'am?

Where were you?

Well, I was at rehearsal, and then
afterwards, Jesse and I hung out. Oh,

nice.

Good night.

Good night, honey. Good night.

Look at my mail.

Did somebody dip it in a bucket of
water? Oh, it's Mr.

Morlock's vaporizer. He needs the mist
for his throat. I feel like I'm in a

steam bath.

It's a wet city in here all week. I'm
fighting a losing battle against mildew

the file cabinet.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'll
actually be glad when he gets his voice

back.

Mr. Morlock sent me a note. Said it was
urgent.

You know where he's at? Just follow the
mist.

Mr. Morlock, you in here?

Is that you, Mr. Morlock?

You wanted to see me, Mr. Morlock?

I have to make the annual State of the
School speech.

How are you going to do that if you
can't talk?

Look, Mr. Morlock, I'm flattered, but
you know what?

out of all the kids in the school.
What's so special about me?

I sent five guys notes and you were the
only one that showed up.

Into gold?

Mm -hmm.

Great.

You like that one?

Yeah.

What do you see?

I see an old lady.

Is that all?

What?

She looks tired.

She's lonely.

When she was young, she may have been
very pretty.

She had children.

One of them died.

And the others never came to see her.

She's waiting.

I see her differently now.

It'd be great to be able to express
yourself like that.

Maybe one day you'll play a woman like
that.

If I could play a woman like that and
tell her whole story

like you have with this photograph.

You've been to so many places.

So many things.

Love it?

Oh, I love it.

I'm sure it'll look like that.

It's beautiful.

That's how I feel.

Really?

This is an original.

One of a kind.

Just like you.

a big deal. We'll do it tomorrow.

Hey, it's your number. If you want to
skip rehearsal, that's no problem.

You know, Jesse, if you push your art
too hard, you could lose the love of it.

My art? No, we're talking about your art
now.

You're the one who was talking about
keeping it spot. Hey, you don't have to

give me a song and dance. If you want to
skip rehearsal to spend time with your

friend Diane, that's fine with me.
You're not just a friend. She's more

that. You know, Nick, you're beginning
to worry me.

Why?

Because there's more to being a parent
than just giving birth to somebody, you

know?

What are you trying to say to me?

I just don't understand how someone can
leave their kid for their whole life and

then just show up and expect everything
to be great.

You know, Jesse, I really think that
you're talking about something you know

nothing about.

You know, that woman is changing you,
Nikki.

So maybe I'm changing. What's wrong with
that? Maybe I'm growing. Maybe I'm

learning something. Did you ever think
about that?

And please don't refer to her as that
woman.

Well, what do you want me to refer to
her as? Your mother?

That's who she is.

You sure?

Line it up. Some girl's rehearsal.

Line it up.

Some girls do.

Some girls don't.

Some girls be lovin' it.

Some girls don't.

I know I've got to feel it, but I don't
know why.

Some say it's real and some...

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We'll see you next time.

That's mother.

I guess that makes her my grandmother,
right? I guess it does.

She was the chorus girl on Broadway in
the 40s.

Probably where I got my musical talent,
wouldn't you say? Well, it's a sure bet

you didn't get it from me.

Come on, Dad. I've heard you sing it in
the shower. You know a thread to

Sinatra, but not bad.

Yeah, well, I try.

And look at her eyes. Don't we have the
same eyes?

Well, it's kind of hard to tell from the
picture. If the picture's not alive,

she would have loved him, Nicole.

Oh, Waterston.

We'll be back with some tea. Good.

Didn't I tell you you'd like each other?

So, are you living

here now, Diane?

Well, I've taken a loft in Soho.

Then you're planning on staying?

Well, I'm not sure.

It might be nice to settle in one place.
I've moved around so much with my work.

I'd still have to move around, but I'd
have a place to come back to.

I must admit that we were a little
surprised.

Frankly, we never expected to see you
again.

I know this isn't easy.

I know I've shaken all our lives by
coming here.

I've given it a lot of thought.

Nicole is almost a woman now, and I
think ultimately this could be a good

for her.

I hope so.

Sam, bake some great cookies. You'll
love them.

Green sugar.

Thank you.

Black beauty.

Mom, what do you think of yours?

Mom?

Oh. It's the middle of the night.

Oh, no, I, uh... I couldn't sleep, so I,
uh... So you thought you'd drag out the

home movies?

Remember that?

That was when I taught you the twist.

You were about two.

Mom.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

It was just a slip of the tongue, that's
all.

I know.

I love you.

I know that, too.

It's kind of a classic, wasn't it?

You grew out of it.

Nicole, did you ever wonder why your
father and I adopted you?

It wasn't as if we couldn't have
children of our own.

We already had Denny and John.

Because you wanted a daughter.

Oh, yes, I did.

I wanted somebody that I could dress up
in little pinafores and put ribbons in

your hair.

Except the first year, you didn't have
any hair.

So I had to tape a bow to your hair.

I guess you think, you hope, that when
she grows up, you'll be best friends.

Mom, we are best friends.

We always will be.

But does that mean that there's no room
in my life for Diane?

Mind is a terrible thing to waste.

I know, because I've been an educator
for more than 20 years.

With all that experience, I think I'm
qualified to contend that the cause of

this drastic decline in the SAT scores
is three -fold.

What's that?

What, you want me to put up three things
when I say three -fold?

That kind of corny, Mr. Moore?

The drastic decline in the SAT scores is
threefold.

Number one, student apathy.

Apathy.

Number two, parental non -involvement.

Number three, overworked teachers.

Mr. Bullock, I have to look at the
papers so I can read this piece.

Still more like it. My philodendron
needs some commitment.

Room for one more.

My angel hair friend is drooping.

Hold it.

Now stand up.

I guess I make a lousy model.

I prefer to be on the other side of the
camera.

Is that your boy?

Yeah, I got it in Taos, New Mexico.

They have an art festival there every
summer. I usually go.

Sounds like fun.

People come from all over.

Painters, musicians, writers, actors.

It's like an event.

Going there this summer?

Oh, I don't think so.

I just found you.

It would be great if we could go
together.

Yeah, that would really be wonderful.

We could spend all that time together,
really get to know each other.

Well, I don't know what to say. Just say
yes.

How do you feel about this? I'm
surprised. I don't know how I feel about

Well, I know how I feel. I don't like
it, Nicole. Daddy, look, I know it's

on you and Mom, but it's really
important for me to spend time with

Well, that's fine. Isn't that what
you've been doing? Why do you have to

off to New Mexico? Because it's special.
It's a whole arts festival. It would be

a wonderful experience. Your mother and
I aren't so sure.

Nicole, this is very hard for us.

We understand how you feel.

When you adopt a baby, there's a kind of
bond, a trust between you and the

natural mother.

And we feel that Diane has broken that
trust.

We raised you.

We brought you up.

You're our child, not hers.

Diane knows that.

We're not so sure that she does.

And we're not so sure that this
relationship with her is all that good

We want you to stop seeing her.

Stop seeing her.

What do you think she wants? She just
wants to get to know me. I'm her flesh

blood. She gave birth to me.

You can't ask me to stop seeing her.

Please.

Don't.

It's just a matter of time.

And the same to you.

Watch out for this one.

It's a man in there.

I found him.

How could you do this to me?

It was either you or me.

I'm not going to make that speech.

When Nicole was about 18 months old, she
started crying in the middle of the

night.

I went running into her room.

She was standing up in her crib.

I'd never seen her cry like that.

She was calling for her mommy, and I
said, It's all right. Mommy's here.

Mommy's here.

And then she looked at me as if she
didn't even know me.

She said, No.

Mommy.

I've heard of that happening.

Babies remember that feeling of being
taken away from their birth mother.

Ever since that night, I've been afraid
that you would come back.

I didn't come here to take Nicole away
from you.

What about this summer?

New Mexico?

I can't help getting a feeling that I am
losing her affection.

That you're taking my place.

I could never take your place.

That's easy enough for you to say, but
the situation here is that I could lose

daughter and you could gain one.

What can I say?

What can I do to convince you?

Go away.

Just like that?

No,

that I won't do.

You gave her up. I was 15 years old.

I can stop you from seeing her.

You're going to take her away.

You're going to take her away from her
friends, her school, everything she

knows.

If I have to.

I thought it would be a good idea to
settle in one place.

Now I'm not so sure.

But what about New Mexico? Are you still
going?

No, not this summer. But what about us?

All right, you, Nicole.

It's not like we'll stop communicating.
We'll talk on the phone.

But we won't.

People are either a part of each other's
lives or they're not.

It's because of my parents?

No, it's because of me. I'm not so sure.
They're totally wrong, Nicole. Wrong

about what? About New Mexico. Maybe I'm
being more selfish than I realized. I

just want what's best for you.

And you think abandoning me is what's
best for me?

Don't you see, Diane? You're abandoning
me again.

He's got me.

Never been famous for a sense of humor.

Look at this brand turning back into
dough.

Mr. Chorovsky, maybe you should speak to
him. He seems to respect you.

Excuse me, Mr.

Monarch. You're the overcrowdedness and
humidity in this room.

Do you think we might prevail upon you
to turn off that vaporizer?

What do you say, Mr. Donovan?

I can't tell you, Mr. Chorovsky.

Everyone's attention, please.

I'd like to start the annual State of
the School Address.

A mind is a terrible thing to watch. I
know that because...

Because I've been an educator for more
than...

Because he's been an educator for more
than 20 years.

With all that experience, I think that
I'm qualified.

Because he thinks that he's qualified to
contend that the drastic decline in the

SAT scores is threefold. No, no, no,
Donald. What the hell are you doing? I

you to stick up a finger every time you
made a point.

My voice is back.

I can speak.

The graphic speech was truly
inspirational.

I love it. Me too.

Wait a minute. Where's everybody going?

Is anybody going to say anything?

Oh, yes. Turn off that rotten vaporizer.

So how'd I do?

George, do you have an eyeliner?

Uh -uh.

What about you, Chris? Did you take it?

Come on, Holly, I'm a guy. A masculine
guy.

What would I be doing with your
eyeliner?

Are you okay?

Yeah. Are you sure?

She's leaving, Jesse.

Yeah, well, maybe it's for the best.

The thing you've got to remember, Nick,
hang in there. I mean, there are no

times you're working, but for what it's
worth, I'm here.

Nick? Nicky?

What about you, Jesse? You're the
culprit.

My eyeliner. Did you take my eyeliner?

Look what you did to the tip.

the pleasure of the journey.

We shall...