Original subtitles

I want everybody to know that we're a couple. I think it's wonderful.

Why? You're the answer to my secret dream.

And that is the problem, isn't it? What?

The fact that I don't see.

He quit.

Right in the middle of rehearsals, he quit.

You've got big dreams.

You want fame.

Fame comes.

And right here is where you start paying.

You sweat.

Oh, Mr. Hamilton, nice to see you. Oh, Mr.

Shirofsky, hi.

What brings you down here to Fair Madhouse?

The 7th Avenue bus.

I prefer buses, too. You can see more during the ride.

Yeah, especially when they cut through the park. You know, all those green

things to smell beats the subway every time.

Couldn't agree with more.

See you around.

Yeah, yeah, you too.

Yes, may I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for Doris Schwartz, please. Just a moment.

Doris is in dance class.

Lydia Grant's dance class, huh? Yes, and if we hurry, we can get there before

the bell rings.

We? Yes, wouldn't you like me to show you the room?

Why, have they moved it?

Now, why would they do that?

Yeah, I'm sorry. That was a dumb question.

Look, I remember where it is, but thanks for the help anyway, Mrs. Bird.

You're welcome.

It's really pretty good.

Keep practicing this, we might be able to put this number in the shop.

What do you think, Leroy?

You asking me?

I don't see any other Leroys in the room.

Well, you have to excuse me, Miss Grant. I'm just so used to being told what to

do around here. You know, I'm not used to being asked.

Poor baby.

What do you want to do? I mean, do you want to do it or not? I mean, I could

always give you a part to another dancer.

Well, this is for a show, and you do want the best possible person you can

So that leaves me right out. That means it's me. No way, Michael.

Absolutely no way.

If there is a dance to be done, I'm here to

trip my way to start.

Jim Hamilton, you trash. What are you doing here looking just as fine as you

be? Yes, that's absolutely true. Absolutely. Actually, I'm here because

Schwartz. I know she's hiding somewhere in this room.

Schwartz, approach the bench.

Yes, Your Honor.

The evidence.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, picture, if you will, a poor...

handicapped person returning to his lonely bachelor's apartment hoping

for some peace and quiet some warmth a calm voice

on his answering machine he turns it on and this is what he hears in a choice

was from the School of the Arts.

Oh, I should have. I was the one who did the maybe my mama.

But I was the one who ran the class when you had to go talk.

Listen to me right now.

I have a problem with this song.

I'm sounding like Marilyn Monroe.

I mean, can I start over? I'm doing this all wrong.

Okay, here we go.

You have to leave a number, Schwartz.

I didn't.

No, I didn't. I didn't leave it. Oh, the machines made me so crazy. Oh, Doris,

I'm glad you forgot it. Otherwise, we might not have gotten a chance to see

wonderful person. Oh, we missed you around here.

Yes, I know how it is. You know, once they dance with Hamilton, they're never

quite the same again.

That's the truth. It took me about a month to get rid of some of those bad

habits. Well, if you're going to talk that way, we're out of here. Let's go,

Doris. Hey, wait a minute. What, you waltzing here once a year, grab a hug,

then you're off?

If you call that waltzing, madam, your program is in a lot worse shape than I

thought. And you know how I am.

Work, work, work. Well, when is work over?

Just about in time to take a pretty lady to dinner. I'd love to go to dinner

with you. You've got it. All right.

And you, I'll see you at lunch.

The French are glad to die for love.

They delight in fighting duels.

But I prefer a man who lives and gives

expensive jewels.

A kiss on the hand may be...

But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Stop.

Wait, you know what's wrong after just one line? Well, let's say I found

something. You know, whenever actors play in My Fair Lady, they all seem to

sound like Rex Harrison.

Wait, you think I sound like Rex Harrison?

We should be so lucky.

Look, I know you're not trying to sound like Marilyn Monroe, but you're taking

on her song styles.

Just be Dora Schwartz.

Why don't we talk it through? Just talk it for me.

Okay.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental.

Oh, yeah. But diamonds are a girl's best friend. They can be, yeah.

A kiss may be... What about a kiss?

Visitor.

Yeah. Excuse me. Yeah.

Hello. Hello.

Listen, we need to talk about tonight. What time, where, da -da -da -da -da.

Okay. It will be dinner at 7 .30.

I'll pick you up at your place.

Dress nicely, please.

And, oh, no candlelight.

What? Okay, but why no candlelight? Because I singed my eyebrows on one of

suckers who I've done.

You're such a fool.

Okay, see you later. Okay.

All right, let's go on with this and keep it personal.

A kiss may be grand, but it just won't pay the rental on your humble flat or

help you with the automat.

I think we're getting too personal.

It looks good. It smells good.

Well, Miss Grant, I haven't seen you in here in so long. I thought maybe you

found another Italian restaurant.

You better bite your tongue.

Hi. How are you? Mr. Crusoe, this is Jim Hamilton. Hello, Mr. Crusoe. Mr.

Hamilton, it's a pleasure. Welcome to Crusoe. We're delighted to be here.

you. Well, where would you like to sit? Well, how about over there?

There, you got it. Right this way.

Looks like you've been sucking up my little veal chops again. Oh, yeah. You

know, you ought to put me in one of your dance classes.

You got it.

Alan, how are you? Good, good. Good to see you.

Alan, this is Lydia Grant. Alan Craig.

Hello, Alan. It's a pleasure.

This is Marsha Wood. Hello, Marsha. How are you?

How's the play?

Great, great.

Packed house.

Yeah, well, that's the way it ought to be.

Look, enjoy your dinner. We're going to find a table, huh? Talk to you later.

So how is the veal tonight?

Oh, how is it every night?

Perfect.

Ah, but the peshele su alacaruso, that's better.

Well, we both have that. Oh, fine. How about a nice bottle of wine? Only if

the Bordellino. Oh, very good choice. Very good.

Prego.

So, uh, what play?

Oh, eh, the Lonely Room.

It's your play? No, no, no. I just directed it. Hey, you seem pretty well

here, madam.

Oh, f... Not me so much as the kids. They come in here all the time.

That doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?

Why should it?

Oh, kids. You know, how they gossip and stuff.

Not these kids.

Oh, hi, Miss Grant. Hi, Mr. Hamilton.

Guess I was wrong about why you were in school.

Hmm.

So you...

I did a play and we taught chorus upstate. Now, that's not enough to keep

busy all this time. What else have you been up to?

Oh, I've been doing some writing.

In fact, I wrote a song about you.

Really? Look, Lydia, I never had a chance to tell you how much you're

me to dance. I mean, such as it was really meant to me.

Oh, Jim, it was very good. Don't you make fun?

No, no.

It's the... first time it's the first time i ever really felt free

it's a feeling of real exhilaration do you know what i mean i know exactly what

you mean this song you wrote what is it called the

lady dancer listen i know uh bruno's got a keyboard around here somewhere you

think he'd share honey we won't give him any choice

Is that okay with you?

No way.

Wait a minute.

You're not going to fight with a blind guy, are you? I'm not going to fight

a blind guy. I'm going to sit in with him.

I wish I could see

And she takes

my hand

And

I am clumsy And

so uneasy

mercy.

Her body.

what's beautiful, Lydia.

Ooh, darling, I know you are hungry, but be grateful you cannot see what they

just put on your plate. It's that bad, huh? Ooh, it's worse. Oh, no, no, thank

you, dear. I don't care for one. I'll just have this turkey sandwich. That's

right. The blind guy gets the gloffy girl gets the turkey sandwich. Want some

milk? I would love some milk. Yes, please.

That group he listened to, I thought they were like a hundred others I've

before. Oh, I don't know. I'd rather like them. Hi, Mr. Hamilton.

Hi, Miss Grant.

Hi, Holly.

I don't know. I like the way they moved across that stage.

Speaking of movement, what was that you put on my tray?

That's dessert. It had to be yellow, and I wanted chocolate pudding. Well,

honey, around here, the jello tastes like chocolate pudding. Not as far as

concerned. It doesn't look like pudding, and I want a chocolate pudding.

You won't give me chocolate pudding.

Listen, do you want to eat here or in the teacher's lounge? Let's eat here.

is where the action is.

Yes.

Room for two more?

How'd you do on the English test?

Freeze.

Damn it, it's all my fault.

What, that you made him happy?

Oh, that's such a terrible thing you did, Doris.

I brought them together.

Oh, now I get it.

The problem is, he's sitting over there, and you're sitting over here.

No, I'm too low.

It would be nicer if I was sitting over there. and she was sitting over here.

You mean that everybody around here is gossiping about us? That's terrific.

Jim. Oh, it's wonderful. Aren't you glad that people think we're a couple and

all that stuff?

Honey, you want to keep it down? No, I don't. I want everybody to know that

we're a couple. I think it's one.

Why? There's nothing for them to know about us, and we are not a couple.

Oh.

Then what are we, Lydia?

It's not even a question of what we are.

I said, what are we, Lydia?

I don't think we should talk about this. What are we, Lydia?

Lydia?

No, Schwartz. But he needs my help.

No, what he needs is to get the hell out of here by himself.

We're not going to fight, Jim.

Look, what happened the other night was very special.

Come on, sit down.

It was very special for me, too.

But I think you're building a monument to something that isn't there.

Oh, no, Lydia, no. It is for me.

But that doesn't make us a couple, not yet.

When is yet?

I don't know.

Maybe never.

I see.

And that is the problem, isn't it? What?

The fact that I don't see. Oh, come on, Jim, please.

No, no, Lydia.

In all of us, there is a little bit of the bigot, isn't there?

Don't you dare accuse me of that. Forget it.

Just forget it.

I've heard it all before, Lydia, and the novelty has worn off.

Well, he's wrong.

I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body.

Nonsense. We all have our bigotries.

I myself have a great deal of trouble with the people who are boring.

But I suppose they have the same problem with me. Mr.

Shirovsky, we're talking about something a little bit different here. He's

accused me of turning him away because he's blind.

Are you afraid he might be right?

Oh, now you're going to start giving me trouble too, huh?

Just ask him. Well, the answer is no.

And why are you so angry? I'm not angry.

I'm mad.

God, no.

How do I let this man know that I want him in my life?

That I don't want him in my life romantically, and his being blind has

to do with that.

I really like him.

And I don't want to lose him as a friend.

Don't tell us.

Tell him.

Let's go from the diagonal in the corner.

Okay, people, let's... Okay, give me...

a simple combination what ain't nothing so simple about plie turn plie turn plie

turn if you ask me plie oh did i say that i'm sorry you know i'm in

pk turn i'm sorry people my head is somewhere else and i think i better go

it is look work this thing out for me do it twice on the right twice on the left

okay uh i'll be right back

is gone and you can't straighten up when you bend

but stiff back or stiff

Doris, stay, please.

I want to talk to you about this while it's fresh in my mind.

Miss Grant will just have to wait.

It won't be long.

Look, I have taught you about everything I can about this song.

You are wonderful. It is very, very much Doris Schwartz.

I wouldn't be surprised if pretty soon people aren't copying you.

I really am proud of you.

Thank you very much.

I'll get you later.

That was very sweet.

It was very true.

You know, um... I've been thinking about what you said.

Forget it.

It's all right.

Well, it isn't all right with me.

Listen, Lydia, it takes a very special kind of woman to go out with a blind

person. I guess that's why they call them blind dates.

I've been on a lot of them myself.

Let me tell you about the kind of women I've dated.

There was the social worker.

Interesting. Couldn't tell if they were doing research or a good deed.

Then there were the ones that pitied me. I wasn't very nice to them.

And there were a few funky ones.

What about the ones that liked you?

Just because they like to be with you.

There were a few of those.

But you know, I'm not that easy to get along with. I mean, I'm impatient.

I'm judgmental. I'm argumentative. I'm competitive.

Don't forget bullheading.

That too.

But I didn't think that that was going to be a problem with us.

I guess I was wrong.

No, you weren't wrong.

You being blind doesn't mean that to me.

That's not the problem.

You know, my grandmother told me that if you want to get involved with somebody,

there's three things you ought to be able to say.

I like you.

I love you.

I'm in love with you.

Otherwise, it just doesn't work.

Now, I like you, Jim.

And I may even love you as a friend.

But I'm not in love with you.

That's something that...

It either is or it isn't. It's just that simple.

Oh, no, Lydia, it is not that simple.

Miss Grant, here you are. I've been looking all over for you. I looked in

classroom, people, leaping up and down in there. There's no order. Here you

in the auditorium. Ah, this is Mr. Quentin Morlock, our vice principal.

Mr. Jim Hamilton. Morlock? Hi, Harry. What can I do for you? Listen, Bill

Clancy's going to be out at least two weeks with some kind of a virus. You're

going to have to take over the direction of the exam plate. No, I can't. I'm

busy.

I see that.

You ever heard of doubling up?

Yeah, I've doubled up. I've doubled up already, twice.

Miss Grant, I don't have time... Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Why don't I direct your play for you?

You? But you're... Not on staff?

That's all right.

I've been a substitute here before, and I've directed professionally a number of

times. You know, direction is 90 % listening anyway.

What do you say?

You're wrong.

Miss Grant will show you where everything is.

I'm sure you've got enough time for that.

Well, Miss Grant, looks like we'll be spending a lot of time together.

I tried to kill myself when I was in the hospital.

Stop.

All right, Danny.

You just found out that your sister tried to commit suicide while she was in

mental hospital, and you're sitting there like a lump. So what do you want

do? I want you to react.

Like this?

Mary, it's a nightmare. No, that's overreacting.

What I'd like you to do is try to add some truth, please.

And you, Holly, the line is, didn't I mention that I tried?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Sorry won't do.

Holly, the writer used the word mention instead of tell for a reason, and

someday that reason might be important to you.

All right, again, please.

Couldn't we maybe go back and do, like, one more improv on it, just to... No, we

cannot. Look, I've given you your directions.

Just do it, please.

Did I mention that I tried to kill myself when I was in the hospital?

No, you didn't.

Well, I wasn't very successful, obviously.

They didn't have any high buildings back there.

So I had to go for the second best thing.

Pills.

All they did was make me sick. Stop.

Look, it's obvious that none of you are listening to anything that I've been

saying.

I did not take this job to look bad.

So... If we are not going to give a good performance, there will be no show.

But there's got to be a show.

I've got a guy coming who handles three summer stock theaters. I'm up for

resident ingenue.

I believe, Holly, that even resident ingenues learn how to follow directions.

And this would be a good place to begin the habit.

Now, let's take it again.

From all they ever did was make me sick.

All they ever did was make me sick.

Did you ever find out why?

Why they made me sick?

Or why I tried to kill myself?

Please don't make jokes.

I don't mind telling you I had a couple of reservations about hiring a blind

director. Why should that make any difference?

Don't start with me, Miss Sherwood.

Anyway,

I've been watching this Hamilton guy work, and I tell you, he's got those

whipping across that stage and spitting out lines just like uptown.

Mr. Morlock, there's more to being in a play than walking and talking.

Oh, boy.

Here we go again. Miss Grant, I don't mean to belittle actors, but it doesn't

seem to me that it takes a great deal of intelligence to act. I mean, as long as

you get all the lines out and don't bump into the furniture, that's pretty much

it.

Mr. Morlock, you couldn't be more wrong.

What you're describing are puppets. No. What I'm describing is a man who's

running his rehearsals with a firm hand.

One of those kids strays the least little bit from what he wants, he lowers

boom.

It doesn't sound like him at all. I mean, he always struck me as a non

-traditional, loose kind of teacher.

He was strict, though.

Yeah, I mean, strict is telling Danny there's no such thing as can't and then

getting him to sing Gilbert and Sullivan.

Well, that's okay.

This is more like, you better do it or else.

I wonder if this has anything to do with what happened on the Lonely Moon.

The Lonely Moon. What happened on the Lonely Moon?

A couple of the actors from the show come in here and eat a lot.

So what happened?

See that guy down there?

He's in the show. His name's Alan, right?

If there's anything to know about, he'll definitely tell you.

He doesn't look like he wants to be interrupted.

He'll think of something.

Now, if I don't make that cross, then Paul has no motivation to ask for more

sharing. It's incredible.

Alan,

I just wanted to let you know.

It was just a cold sore. It wasn't what we thought.

What?

I don't even know you.

Pay close attention.

He may be treating you like this one day.

I suppose you're going to tell me you don't remember Jim Hamilton either.

Of course I remember Jim Hamilton. He was the first director we had on my

Now I suppose you're going to tell me you don't remember what happened to him.

No, I remember very well what happened to him.

He was fired.

He never said one thing about it.

Well, I can forget about resident ingenue. Rather, Summer spent his camp

at Lake Ronkonkoma.

Holly, don't start.

According to Alan, when Mr. Hamilton first came into rehearsals, he opened

the actors up. He let them try a lot of new stuff, and some of it was really

far, and a lot of it worked.

When it didn't...

He knew exactly what to do to make it right.

And they fired him for that?

The producers wanted a more traditional approach.

I guess what they saw scared them.

Typical of producers.

Yeah, anyway, the new director came in, spent the first two days doing what they

wanted, and then went right back to Mr. Hamilton's stuff.

When the critics reviewed the play, all the stuff they liked was Mr. Hamilton's.

Sounds like the way it was when he was teaching singing.

It's not the way he's directing, Miss Grant.

Play is important to me, and how am I supposed to do my best work when I'm

scared? You've got to do something.

Which one's that?

Number 42.

All right, hold on.

That's it.

Bring it up to four.

All right.

Hey, man, has it gotten you a scene yet?

No, we just blocked it. Haven't actually done it. Why don't you have me at jail?

Well, let me give you some advice.

Don't argue and don't ask questions.

The man's going to do it his way, so you may as well just save your breath.

You know, compared to him, Morlock's a pussycat.

So he's a little tough?

No, no. Miss Grant's tough.

At least with Miss Grant, I'm learning how to dance.

With this guy, I'm learning to show up, to say the lines, and shut up.

It's real fun working with a guy like that.

Just about had it. That superior, I'm normal attitude.

That's a human being over there. And you're going to start showing her some

manners.

One more thing. What's going on here? Where's Mr. Hamilton?

Oh, he hasn't shown yet.

We're running late.

Oh, that's not like him to be late.

Did you check with the office?

Danny went.

Oh, all right.

Oh, good, you're here.

Oh, why's that good? Well, after this letter from your friend, I assume you're

taking over direction of this play.

What letter?

Mr. Hamilton's letter of resignation.

What? He quit.

Right in the middle of rehearsals, he quit.

I need to know something.

Is all of this because of your friend dying or because of me, what I did?

It's all one thing.

You're both such a part of me now.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

I mean, I'm sorry if you're like this because of something I did.

You? No, not you.

What am I doing here?

You're sitting behind Miss Laird.

That's right. It's Miss Red and Michael's scene. I got nothing to do.

Wait a minute.

You're right. Trade places with Michael.

Wait a minute. When do I move up there?

Now. Do it now.

But why am I crossing?

Just do it.

All right. From where?

From where you're standing.

I mean, from where in the script.

Uh, from, uh... It's all one thing. We'll be a part of it now.

You want me to do it like that?

Just do it the way you've been doing it. With the paws?

Yes, with the silly damn paws.

But you don't like the paws. I love the paws. Just say the line.

It's all one thing.

You're both such a part of me now.

Now?

We're supposed to switch now?

Mr. Hamilton, I know that you are in there. If you don't open this door, I'm

going to start singing out here off key and loud.

Annie twice, and then there's Leroy.

Leroy isn't even in the show.

No, he called. He said Michael was driving him crazy. Now, can I offer you

anything? Coffee, tea, the door?

Not until we've had our say.

Listen, I hate to be rude, but do we have to sit here in the dark?

Of course not. I'll get it.

Mr. Morlock, you got my letter of resignation, I suppose.

Yes, I did. Oh, good.

Then I owe you an apology, sir.

You know, blind people have a habit of not remembering that everybody has a

handicap. Yours must be the inability to read.

I read it.

It was proper, polite.

Didn't tell me a damn thing.

I want to know why you quit on me.

See, I used to be a ball player.

Good one.

You know what got me out of that noble endeavor?

No.

A thing called the slider.

Wicked, nasty pitch that brought grown men to their knees.

The guy that did the stats for our team figured out one year that I was batting

125 against pitchers who threw sliders.

So at the end of the sermon, it went on failure?

Almost.

See, I failed to hit that pitch, but I never quit trying.

Failure? I could deal with that.

But quitting, that's a whole different story.

Sure, so the message is quitters never win, huh?

No, you got that upside down.

Quitters never lose.

That's why they quit.

You can't be blamed for something if you never even try.

That's all I had to say.

Go on.

Just give me a minute.

That man is hot.

Dumb. No, he's not.

I owe you an apology, Jamie.

You know, I thought that...

I thought that you wanted to hang around the school because you wanted to be

near me. I didn't know that you really needed to prove that you can direct and

that you're not a failure.

Oh, I'm not a failure, except when I'm teaching the kids.

That's why I left, you know, because I was cheating the kids.

I was working so hard proving how good I was that I wasn't even interested in

how good they were, and I did less to help them be any better.

But doesn't that seem like an awfully good reason to come back?

You know, when Doris called, did she leave any message about the fact that

she's not going to sing Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend? She what?

You can't let her do that, Lydia.

Well, you know Doris now. When she decides something isn't working for her,

can be very stubborn.

That's crazy.

I mean, she does the song wonderfully. She does it better than anyone else.

That's not the reason.

That's not the reason at all. Who's she kidding?

She's dropping the song from the show because she's scared. Where are you

I'm going to go get dressed. I'm going to go down to that school.

I'm not going to let Doris quit because... Because why?

Because I quit.

When the going got a little tough, I quit. I'm always the one preaching at

kids, you know, to keep going, keep trying.

Then I...

Cut and run.

Hell of a teacher, aren't I?

Well, when you see what Doris is doing in the show, you're going to know

what kind of teacher you are.

was beating Like when the

neon turned the dark today

We were too hot to think of

sleeping We had to get out before

the magic got away