All language subtitles for S03E16 - Stages

Holly, I'd like you to meet your new
roommate.

Hello, Holly.

It just seems to me that they're
rather... Oh, Mr.

Moorlow!

Smile. Try to act happy.

Why do we always want our parents to
think we're happy?

Mr.

Shirofsky, do you have a minute?

Depends on the reason, Mr. Mendenhall.

The reason is I think there's a kid in
trouble.

You got big dreams.

You want fame.

Fame comes.

And right here is where you start
paying.

You sweat.

I won't bother you.

That's okay.

They're not writing polkas for the
season film the way they used to.

I'm really sorry to impede like this,
but I've got to get this settled today

else I'm dead.

Get what settled?

Can I help? I need a roommate.

I guess I can't help.

A roommate?

You live alone?

Oh, yes, I know. See, my parents live in
Darien, but instead of making that

killer commute, my father said that I
could get an apartment in Mr. Gianni's

building, because he and Mr. Gianni have
been friends forever.

And that way, he kind of looks in on me
and makes sure that everything's okay.

Then why do you need a roommate?

Mr. Gianni's going on a cruise.

A two -month cruise.

And my father is the father.

I can't have a trombone major as a
roommate. My neighbors will kill me.

May I ask why this has to be decided
today?

Because Tuesday I have to go down to
Cruz's and meet Doris and Michelle

there's this agent that eats lunch there
every Tuesday. And we've developed this

incredible 40s number to do for him.
Holly. But, you know, if you ask my

opinion, I really think that that music
is deadly dipstick.

Doris and I have two of those things.
There's going to be this incredible

comeback of that kind of stuff.

We know how the two of them are when
they work up their mind about something.

Holly.

Oh, Dwight.

Dwight, I'm sorry. You know, I'm talking
your ear off and you just want to

reverse. No.

No.

It's just that Tuesday is today.

Dwight Mendenhall wouldn't lie to a
girl, would he?

Mr. Morlock, I will not permit this. Not
now, Mrs. Berg. But you promised Miss

Sherwood you wouldn't use the public
address system to eavesdrop anymore. I

promised Miss Sherwood I wouldn't listen
in on a faculty lounge, and I intend to

keep that promise.

but listening in on the makeup room.

Is listening to Amatulo that much?
You've been concocting some kind of a

for the last two weeks, and I intend to
find out exactly what in blue blazes it

is. The principal remains the same.

And so does the vice principal, me, with
the power to hire and fire.

Now, you're about to leave this office,
Mrs. Berg.

Whether I choose to say...

So long, see you later, or adios and
goodbye is strictly up to you.

So long, see you later.

me for nobody yo man this is work for
millions and millions of people man

hypnosis is a proven scientific fact
look deeply into my

thighs you know why you guys aren't into
this 40s thing because you're inhibited

man hypnosis can free you does leroy
johnson look inhibited to you oh no no

the man reads one book and he's an
expert no no i'm not an expert But the

who wrote this book's an expert.

And why don't you all humor me and let
me prove it to you.

Okay? Okay.

All right, so why don't you all just
relax.

Can you do that?

All right.

You guys relaxed?

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Okay, now close your eyes.

Just close your eyes. Keep being
relaxed.

Okay, now think of yourself in a bower.

What's about I mean, I don't know They

are

still there and they are still staring
Do you know who they

are have you ever seen them before

A couple of times.

Are they actresses? Do they know I'm an
agent?

I, uh... Because the main reason I come
here is that there is no show

business clientele. I have been a
regular customer here for over 20 years.

Caruso tell you that?

He screamed it in passing a couple of
times.

Look, Bon Appetit.

I'm going to take care of this.

Where have you been? Don't answer that.
Yeah, but... Because where you were is

not as important as where you were not,
which is here where you promised to be

and in a 40s look.

You call that a 40s look?

I call it... Don't answer that, because
we only have 10 more minutes to do this

numbering. Not quite.

Girls, can we talk?

you mean you sure it didn't work no way
forget it it's in here man maybe it was

that post -hypnotic suggestion stuff i'm
a tool why don't you just forget it it

didn't take maybe you're right you know
the book says it's hardest to do on

people who are loose but people who like
authority and stuff i mean they go into

like gangbusters right

Coming, Mr. Sherwood. Be right with you.

Mr. Morlock, these revisions on the
regulations regarding academic... What

regulations?

Well, it just seems to me that they're
rather... Mr.

Morlock! Excuse me, Mr. Sherwood. I've
got a class to get to.

I am very sympathetic to your situation.

Then why are you throwing this out? Mr.

Caruso's not sympathetic to your
situation, and he employs me, and I'm

eating. You're just being selfish.

Absolutely. Yeah, you know, when Coco
was on the show, you'd always help her.

Now you're waiting all over our parade.

I help Coco. She got a job in a road
company.

If you guys get a job in a road company,
I'll be all alone. I won't have anyone

to sing my Barry Manilow songbook with.

Bruno, Caruso's just down on the rock
and all that modern stuff.

This whole review is 40 songs.

Yeah, fine. Well, when your album comes
out, I'll get one for Mr. Cruz. So until

then, no, yet, nine.

Is that definite?

Is this?

It's got to be an easier job than show
business.

Well, there's always coal mining.

I think you guys are going to be mad at
me.

Michelle, we're all friends. We're all
in this together. We could never be mad

at you.

Well, I sent out 40 invitations.

Invitations to what?

Oh, agents, personal managers, you know,
people like that.

Okay. Now we're mad.

Well, I was just taking initiative.

I think you're going to have to uninvite
those people.

You're giving up?

In a word, yes.

Wait a minute, Doris. What's done is
done.

I mean, if you're going to be a success
in this world, then you just have to act

as if it's going to happen.

And now a word from Norma Vincent
Unreal.

Come on, Doris. This isn't like you.

the first one to grab the bull by the
horn. That's because I'm nearsighted.

Look, bottom line, if this is going to
make Bruno lose his job, then we can't

perform the thing. If he's going to lose
his job, then we're going to have to

pass.

Wait a minute.

What happens if Bruno isn't there when
we do it?

Caruso can't very well fire him then,
can he?

Pretty girls are supposed to be dumb.
Didn't you read your manual?

You like my idea?

Well, I'd say that the next time a guy
tells you that it's your mind he's

interested in, he'll be telling the
truth.

By accident.

Great. Let's go to my place and figure
out how to get Bruno out.

Oh,

Mr. Marlock, are you going home?

Yes, Mrs. Burke, I'm going home.

Well, good, because I have to test the
fire alarm system, and I wouldn't want

to frighten you into a heart attack or
something.

No, I really wouldn't.

Well, no fear of that, Mrs. Berg. I'm on
my way.

See you tomorrow, Mrs. Berg.

Ollie, you in there?

Come on in, Mr. Gianni.

What do you think?

Hmm.

He looks cold.

No, he looks hot. That's the problem.

Oh?

Explain, please.

Well, see, I'm starting to get in touch
with prospective roommates.

I don't know whether or not to put this
thing up. I mean, I got it for fun, for

kicks, you know, and if the person sees
that and understands that, then that's

terrific, but...

What happens if she comes in and sees
Mr.

Balzac's beefcake up here and thinks
I've got some kind of major league

Well, why don't you ask her?

Holly, I'd like you to meet your new
roommate.

Hello, Holly.

Hi, Mom.

I forget, do you take cream and sugar?

Um, neither.

Where did you learn how to make French
toast as well?

Necessity is the mother of invention and
all that.

See, even necessity needs a mother.

When are you going to finally tell me?

Tell you what?

You and Dad are having trouble.

I'm not, because we aren't.

But what am I doing here, yes?

Yes.

Well, you know, people tend to go
through certain stages in their life.

Mother, I hope this isn't an identity
crisis, because if it is, I'm not...

Holly.

At my last physical, Dr. Randall found a
lump in my left breast.

Mother. Benign, Holly. Totally and
absolutely benign, I swear to you.

I swear it.

But it did get me to thinking about the
clock and how quickly it moves and

whether or not I want to count off the
rest of my days in limbo, taking care of

people who really don't need to be taken
care of.

I'm not sure I understand exactly what
you're looking for.

I'm not sure I do either.

But how would you feel if I looked for
it here in the city?

In New York?

You're really serious about this, aren't
you?

Well, there's not a lot of opportunity
where your father and I live.

It's strictly a bedroom community.

Well, what's Daddy going to do out there
all by himself?

Well, I'll be home on weekends, and
he'll have a lot of business here, and

than that, he's just going to have to
learn how to cook.

So, what do you think, roommate?

Oh, no.

What? Rehearsal.

I was supposed to be at school an hour
earlier tomorrow. We're trying to

this review and also get ready for a
teaching exam.

The whole thing is just one big mess.
Well, is there anything I can do to

Um, I don't know. We're all meeting
after school. Oh, where?

I'd love to meet your friends.

It's a place called Caruso's. It's a
coffee shop on 53rd. It's in the book.

Oh, I'm sorry. I gotta go.

Go! I'll see you at Caruso's!

Well, did you tell her?

Most.

But not all.

Not yet.

Mrs.

Berg, you're making a great deal of
sense.

It's all there in black and white.

And I think you have to do something
about it.

Justice cries out for action.

You say he made it clear that he could
have you fired.

And the next time you saw him, he made
uncalled for physical advances

upon your person?

He certainly did.

And what, may I ask, is so damn funny?

Nothing funny about it at all, Mrs.
Berg. It's just... I find it hard to

believe. And why, may I ask, do you find
it hard to believe?

Mrs. Berg, I will definitely look into
the matter, but right now I have to

a class. Oh, you men.

I might have known.

Birds of a feather tend to gather in the
bush.

What in heaven's name was that all
about?

The poor woman has some bizarre notion
that Morlock made a pass at her.

A pass?

How?

Kissed her on the cheek.

Twice.

Mrs. Berg, it all comes down to Charles
Bronson and Telly Savalas.

They've influenced a whole generation of
young men.

If I were Inspector Twelve, those jockey
shorts wouldn't be so wonderful, I'll

tell you. Mrs. Berg, I overheard part of
what you were talking to Mr. Sharofsky

about. I don't mean to pry, but could we
compare notes?

Why? So you can laugh at me, too?

No. No, so we could find out if what
happened to you is similar to what

to me a few days ago.

Morning, ladies.

How are we today?

You girls being good today?

Thought you were a waiter, not a
security guard.

Just watching out for my job.

There's my mom.

Smile. Try to act happy.

Why do we always want our parents to
think we're happy?

Uh, sit down.

Glad you could find a place.

Oh, I know my way around town.

Oh, I'm sorry. These are my friends.
This is Danny Amatulo. Hi.

And Dora Schwartz. Hi. Hi, Dora. And
that's Dwight Mendenhall. Pleased to

you. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Uh, Martelli.

Um, who was that?

I don't know, but wherever she is, she's
a friend.

Hmm, I like this place.

Well, if you need anything, let us know,
because we're the regulars here. Yeah,

that's why all the producers and agents
are flocking in here to discover us,

right? Can't you hear them beating down
the door? Will you guys quit

complaining? Are these two complaining?

Yes. No.

You see, Crusoe doesn't like rock and
roll, but he loves this big band stuff.

Yeah, see, we were going to impress him
with one of our songs. We let him sing

here on Friday night, but Michelle had
to stay after school, and she's our

third. Oh, it's a trio?

Yeah, kind of like the Andrews sisters.

Well, there were three of them and only
two of you.

Yeah.

Is that the song from the show?

Yeah. I told them I could run it through
Bruno's system if they had the nerve to

get up there and try it with just the
two of them. Yeah, but neither Doris nor

me knows the third part.

Well, I do.

You do?

Oh, yeah. No, see, Mom used to sing
professionally before she married Daddy.

Well, y 'all better get a move on while
the coast is clear.

You're going to sing with them, right?
You game?

Go ahead.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

There's a

little

place I know on David Street where we
can go and get a little bite to eat.

The food is hot, the music's always cool
and sweet, and you can dance your blues

away.

I'll stop him right away. No, no, no,
no, no, no. Let him sing.

Come with me to Rudy's and we'll
disappear.

In the crowd, nobody's gonna really care
what we do or say.

Now that's Rudy's Restaurant Cabaret.
Now that's Rudy's Restaurant Cabaret.

Now that's Rudy's Restaurant Cabaret.

They got a menu that's always nice. And
baby, when you hit a band tonight, It's

all fair!

Rudy's restaurant in Cabo.

So

the

game plan is to get Bruno out of there
on Friday night. Somehow or another.

I never think we're going to get him.

What were you and Mr. Caruso talking
about afterwards? He was talking a mile

minute.

Oh, well...

This is going to be a little awkward
between mother and daughter, I'm afraid.

Mother, you did tell me you were
married, didn't you?

That particular topic didn't come up.

But I don't think you're going to have
to worry about getting Bruno out of

Friday night.

What, is Chris on to us?

No.

But he did ask me if I'd come in and
sing there Friday night.

Doors to me?

No.

It'd be a neat thing for him.

For the ego group.

Dad'll get a big kick out of it, a real
hoot.

Well, I'm not sure I know what a hoot
is, but I told Mr. Cruz so I'd be there.

Are you kidding me?

Holly, you knew I used to sing.

You pointed it out to your friends
tonight.

It wasn't just a hobby, you know. I was
really pretty good.

Then I got married and put that part of
me away.

I was a wife and that was fine.

And then you and your brothers came
along and I was a mom.

And that was fine too.

Better than fine.

Every minute of it.

Now you kids don't need me anymore. That
part of my life is over with. Mission

accomplished. And the part that got
interrupted, the part that didn't get

accomplished is singing.

You wouldn't want to take that away from
me, would you?

And one, two.

Holly.

Holly.

Did your mom talk to Caruso?

I don't know.

Well, come on. We've got to find out if
we're doing the show or not. Well, then

why don't you call her and ask her?

Amatilla?

Out here. You're late.

Late for what?

Late for being out here. Move it.

People will talk.

You're not going to be alive to hear it
if you stand there much longer.

All right, I'm too low.

What goes on in the makeup room?

Come on now.

Let me tell you what I know goes on in
there.

I know that smoking goes on in there and
pitching pennies, card games, making

out.

Some of that I disapprove of. Most of
it's inevitable.

We're not talking about any of that.

So then what are we talking about?

We're talking about what you and Donovan
and Leroy were up to last Wednesday.

Oh, yeah, that was good stuff that day.

I was just trying to help. Who?

How?

Okay, well, you see, we're doing this
40s stuff, right? And both Donlon and

Leroy, well, they weren't getting into
it.

So I went out and I bought this hypnosis
book.

And I tried to free them.

You hypnotized Chris and Leroy?

Well, I tried to, but it didn't work.

Not even with that, um, whatchamacallit,
post -hypnotic suggestion stuff.

What were the post -hypnotic
suggestions, if you don't mind?

Well, I told you it didn't work.

Danny, just tell me what they were.

Okay, I told Donlon that every time he
heard a bell, he'd have to kiss the

nearest chick.

Girl, you know, I mean nice kiss.

Like on the cheek?

Mm -hmm. But that wasn't half as good as
what Leroy had to do. You want to hear?

Believe me, I want to hear.

Sorry, we're not open yet.

Mr. Caruso?

Mrs. Laird.

Hi. I hope I'm not coming at a bad time.

Well, we're not open yet, but...

They were always open for you.

That's a nice way to say.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

I'll tell you what. You sit down. I'll
get us some coffee.

I really like your place.

I'm glad my daughter and her friends
have kind of adopted it.

I like those kids.

Oh, they drive me nuts sometimes, but
they're all right. A little boisterous

your clientele?

They're okay.

It's just that sometimes they think this
place is the old Dick Clark show.

The only reason it exists is for them to
be discovered.

Mr. Caruso, it's their dream to sing
here.

And for me to sing without them would be
like stealing their dream.

And you wouldn't want to do that, huh?

Not if I can help it.

And I can't help it.

Come.

Waiting.

Mississippi?

Mississippi.

Mr. Morlock? Yes.

What was that little thing you just did?

Well, it was an aerobic exercise, Miss
Sherwood. I don't have time to go to a

gym on a regular basis, so I try to work
in these little exercise breaks

throughout my workday.

Is there something else?

No.

Nothing at all.

So what's your mom going to say to him?
I don't know.

You mean she didn't even talk to you
about this?

Not in so many words. She's singing at
Caruso's Friday night. That's all I

Boy, you're still the star of the show.
I mean, she has her show and we have

ours.

Hey, yeah, but what if hers is a lot
better than ours?

Competition, Michelle.

Brings out the best in us. And this is a
biggie. Don't let it make you nervous.

I think I've heard enough biggies for
one day.

You know, Caruso likes you so much, I
bet you he'll let the agents in. So if

there was ever an hour to get ready, now
is the hour.

You know, first my mother moves in. Now
she's one of my classmates.

Next. We'll be double dating.

That's okay, Holly.

Don't think of her as your mom.

Just think of her as another person who
wants to be a star.

It's just a thing called joy.

You've got to smile and make the line.

Want to grow.

Kiss me and it's Christmas everywhere.

Troubles fly away and life is easy.

So does he love me?

That's all I know.

is just a thing called joy.

Jackman?

sweetheart, it's your apartment we have
a deadbolt lock it's not usually what I

find when I come home to my apartment

I see we're doing a little redecorating
here.

I tried to baffle the wall so I wouldn't
disturb your neighbor.

Well, my neighbor happens to be a jerk.

Well, you wouldn't want to make him mad,
would you?

He's my neighbor. If I want to make him
mad, I will.

Holly.

My instincts told me not to get involved
in this show.

You should have listened.

What do you mean?

You're forgetting that I had a mother
once, too.

Sometimes mothers can get in the way,
can't they?

You're not answering the question.

Yes, you are.

know any better, I think you're trying
to get away from me.

I just have a lot on my mind, Chris.

What is it?

Well, I was wondering if you could talk
to your mom for me.

Maybe get me a little spot in the show
tonight.

You see, that stunt back there was kind
of a tryout for me.

I had somebody stationed at the door to
tell me when you were coming in.

Isn't that funny?

What, you don't have any pull with your
own ma?

That was pretty funny.

Dwight, I am truly sorry to interrupt
you, but will you please get out of

Leave your tube. I'll guard it with my
life.

It's a pseudophone.

Why do I have to make a decision? When
did I get to be Moses?

I'm not asking you to make a decision. I
would be interested in hearing any

advice you might have.

What you're proposing is immoral.

Think about it. If he's hypnotized, he's
more open to suggestion.

And if that's the case...

Wouldn't it be short -sighted of us not
to plant a few suggestions?

Such as? A high -powered car with bad
brakes.

Mrs. Burke!

Think. If we could effect a few policy
changes.

Come on.

Isn't that tempting?

Tempting, yes.

But the right thing to do is to tell him
that he's hypnotized and get him some

help. There's no need. It wears off in
time, according to a book I bought.

Well... I just wanted to see what our
options were.

Miss Sherwood, what you're talking about
is wrong, and we both know it. It

smacks of mind control.

You say it smacks of mind control?

I do.

Would you explain that to me, please?

Mr. Shrosky, do you have a minute?

Depends on the reason, Mr. Mendenhall.

The reason is I think there's a kid in
trouble.

I got a whole bunch of minutes.

Excuse me. Lead the way.

Mind control?

Petersburg, it's something you're never
going to have to concern yourself with.

Oh, yes.

I love my mother.

And I want the best for her.

But when she moved in with me, and now
with the show, it's just

gotten everything all screwed up.

Miss Laird, may I call you Holly?

Sit down.

Holly, do you remember when you first
learned to sing?

Sure.

My mother used to teach me to sing when
we used to hang the clothes out to dry

in the backyard.

It was fun, wasn't it? We learned to
sing and play music because it was fun.

didn't know any better.

But then, after a while, somebody comes
along and tells you...

that you can make money, receive
applause with this thing called music.

worse, some idiot tells you that you can
even become famous.

And what we once did for pure joy then
becomes... Complicated.

Very complicated.

And we panic.

In our minds, we imagine we are
somewhere in the middle of a herd of

stampeding toward a very small
waterhole.

And if we don't push and shove like all
the rest, We won't ever get there.

We lose sight of why we ever sang in the
first place.

For fun.

That's the way I want it to be tonight,
Mr. Sharofsky.

I want to get up there with my mother
and my friends.

And I want to sing for the very same
reason we used to...

The thing when we hung clothes out on
the line.

I don't know how to make that happen.

Cookie, you don't make it happen.

You let it happen.

You headed across town?

No, why?

Well, I had some things to talk to you
about. I thought we could chat on the

to the subway.

No, I have to go to a place called
Caruso's.

I got a phone call yesterday. Said some
of our kids are taking part in a show

they're doing there tonight.

Well, you know, that's bending the rules
a little bit. I thought I'd better look

into it. Could I ask, why didn't you do
something about it yesterday when you

got the call?

Huh?

Well, uh, yesterday?

I don't know.

This didn't seem to matter all that
much.

But today... Well, today I just changed
my mind. I decided I shouldn't

overlook it.

You know, the first part of the week, I
just wasn't feeling like my old self.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Anyway, what did you want to talk to me
about?

Oh, I was just thinking...

If you're not feeling up to par, I'd be
happy to represent the school at

Caruso's. Take that burden off your
shoulders.

You sure you wouldn't mind?

Mississippi.

Yes, Mr. Morlock, I'm quite sure.

See you Monday.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Caruso.

You know, when I first came to work
here, Mr. Caruso told me that this was a

place for quiet conversation, a place
where neighborhood people came and

bocce in the back in the summer and
chess in here in the winter.

Well, there have been a few changes.

And tonight's the night where some of
those changes get to see the light of

For those of you who picked up the
Mimeo...

programs out in the front um we're going
to switch the order of our performers

so that your viewers can review our star
act and still meet your deadlines

ladies and gentlemen cruisers is proud
to present mrs suzy

laird

when

did i become the star act very quickly
after your daughter threatened me with

protestant pasta

Come on, you're keeping people waiting.

Well, normally I do things from the 50s
and 60s, things I'm familiar with.

But I thought tonight I'd try to update
it a decade or two.

There's no one generation that has the
answer when it comes to music or

else, I guess.

This is one of my daughter's favorite
songs.

It's just one of the many things that
she's helped me learn.

Sometimes I wonder Where I've been

Who I am Do I fit in

Make believe in his heart alone.

Out here on my own.

We're always proving who we are.

Always reaching for that rising star

to guide me far.

and shine me home out here.

I've never shown out here.