Original subtitles

I don't know anybody.

Anything. I don't need you, Bruno.

We don't need you.

We had to give up the baby because he was running for the Senate.

And that's the baby, grown up.

You're my mother?

I'd like to try it again, just without all these people watching.

What am I, R2 -D2?

You get to go to the benefit of everything.

You don't get to dance, but you can still get to go. It's like my helper.

A helper?

be dreaming.

You want fame.

Well, fame comes.

And right here is where you starve pain and sweat.

Seventh annual School of the Arts benefit.

Performers needed for each class.

Students seeking audition time, contact Montgomery McNeil.

Contact Mr.

Montgomery McNeil.

Now you can't have Vincent be missed.

It's only that I've seen fighters do it, and I'm worried that you might be doing

it, too. I'm concerned, that's all.

Pop, it's not the same kind of thing.

I mean, you even got a phrase for it.

They all the time talk about a fighter leaving it in the gym.

I mean, that means that they spar so much to have anything left when the bell

rings for the real fight. I mean, you and your guys rehearse way past Carson's

monologue.

I mean, I'm afraid you're going to get stale.

But, Pop, it's not like being a fighter.

Okay, Mr. Wiseguy, you know so much. What is it like?

It's kind of like making love.

It's always terrific.

But it can always get better.

Pop!

Workman's comp. Don't cover that.

Why you always got your head buried in this thing? What's this all about?

Hey, well, get it straight. This is my Bible, all right?

Bible?

The first Bible I ever seen with ads for female mud wrestling in it.

Why don't you read the daily news like everybody else?

I'm looking for a place for my band to play, all right?

Your band?

Bruno says it's his band.

It's his music.

My bands are sound.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, well, then it's the paper you need to be reading.

Your Aunt Beatrice comes by, you won't play for her. Your cousin Pauline stops

by, you won't play for her.

Bruno, how are you going to make a name for yourself if you won't play for

people?

Word of mouth.

That's not funny, Bruno.

Not at these prices.

Bruno!

Hey, baby, what do you think about this gig for the band, huh?

Hey,

come on, Bruno. I mean, all the money goes to the scholarship fund. That's a

good cause, right?

I mean... And we'll get some exposure, man. That's a better cause, don't you

think so?

So what do you say, Bruno? What do you want me to say?

Say, let's do it.

The music's not ready.

Oh, I can get it. You're sort of the guy.

Look, I'm sorry, but no.

I thought Italians were supposed to take chances, be real gutsy.

Like Julius Caesar.

You saw what happened to him.

You know, it's not easy being a short person.

Suppose you're a short guy dating Dolly Parton. You'd catch a call from standing

in the shade all the time.

Thank you, thank you.

How do they do that?

It's so easy when they do it.

And you know, it's not easy being a short person in a tough neighborhood.

I was brought up in a tough neighborhood.

My neighborhood was so tough that if you wanted leaded fuel, the attendant would

shoot you in the guest.

It's not even a joke. It's a pun.

Dick Cavett's the only one I know who gets away with puns.

But what I really wanted to talk to you about is inflation.

There is so much inflation today. Like yesterday, I went into the store...

Hi.

How you doing?

Oh, great.

I was just checking out how they hang the lights.

You know, it's good to know backstage stuff as well as onstage stuff.

Well, then, uh, you probably want to know about this.

What is it?

Read it and find out.

Hey, Danny.

Captain isn't the only one that does puns.

Groucho Marx used to do them all the time, too.

and specialization.

You want to be able to do as many things as possible. Sing, act, dance, play an

instrument. Yeah, but aren't you afraid that you're going to be halfway good at

lots of things, but not really good at anything?

No way.

I figure when my big pants come along, I'll have so much adrenaline pumping

my so -so dancing will be a stare, and my so -so singing will be stride dance,

and my so -so violin will be Rubenstein. Because of piano.

You're kidding.

First of the month, Swarovski told me that I played the violin like

That old smirk.

I wouldn't get on his case today. You know, I heard his midterm proficiency

exams, that they're the worst.

You'll have him first hour, don't you?

Yeah. But, you know, I'm really glad because that way I get it over with.

I don't mind listening.

It's just getting up in front of everybody and doing it solo that gives

rash.

Hey, you're wrong about those proficiency tests.

We do them alone for Swarovski.

No, you're wrong. We used to do them just for Swarovski.

Why did he change that?

I'm not really sure.

Maybe to test our stage presence.

What stage presence?

Curtain.

We did everything we could for him, but I'm afraid it wasn't enough.

We lost him in the recovery room.

Was there any pain?

None. We saw that he was comfortable until the end.

Did he say anything?

He asked for a sip of water.

I gave him some, and then he just slipped away. Hold it.

Doris, what are you doing?

What do you mean? You are telling these people that their beloved husband and

father has just died.

You're telling it to them like G. Gordon Liddy telling the White House that

there is a teeny problem at the Watergate.

I mean, there's no warmth.

There's no consideration for their feelings.

I haven't slept in 48 hours.

I beg your pardon?

Not me. The doctor on the plane.

What does it say there?

Well, it doesn't.

But in my offstage preparation, I thought I'd give my character a

backstory. That kind of thing happens all the time to doctors in big city

hospitals. It does, it does. But it doesn't give your fellow performers

to respond to. Well, it just seemed realistic.

Oh, it is, it is.

But do you suppose you could find another realistic backstory for your

One that allows for a little more feeling?

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Sure.

You're saying when I audition for the benefit, maybe I better sing, huh?

It's worth a thought.

We are waiting, Mr.

Metalli.

to hurt there's no gain without strength come on stay with it five four

three two come back up one hold hold hold and done

you are your instrument and unless that instrument stays

in strata various shape all the things you're going to want to do aren't going

to get done i know it's drudgery now but but

The vote is unanimous. I'd like to try it again, just without all these people

watching. What am I, R2 -D2?

Not you.

Them.

Them? They're your friends.

You've played for them a hundred times.

But this is different.

This is like a courtroom with all these people trying to decide whether I'm

guilty or... You know what I mean.

I also know there's another class to be in about 45 seconds.

And every one of them is people.

Mr. Martelli, the first man to discover music eventually came out of the cave to

let the rest of the tribe hear what he had done.

Maybe there was a better musician.

Stayed in the cave and never came out.

Just concentrated on making the music better.

For whom, Mr. Martelli? For whom?

We can go more dancing. We really have to go.

Go where? The cafeteria to sign up for the benefit audition.

But look, I thought I told you... Come on, Bruno.

The music's not ready, number. I mean, it's all right for the image, but come

on. I'm not talking image.

I am.

This is a mainline gig.

They advertise this in the New York Times.

Look, I gotta go.

Bartelli, you know what you are.

You're a rap fink, man.

One more time? There are five guys in that cafeteria waiting to strut their

stuff, to play music, your music, with you.

I mean, they've been practicing hauling their stuff to your basement every

night. So?

So you owe them. You owe me.

I don't owe anybody.

Anything.

That's fine, Bruno.

That's really fine, man, you know?

I don't need you, Bruno. We don't need you.

act to judge it fairly.

Okay, well, am I in the show or not? I'll have to talk to the other members

my committee.

Well, I have another number to do. Then do it in the hallway.

You saying I'm no good?

No, I'm working very hard not to say that.

Look, you're not on the flip, so you have to find him. Listen, I'm not here

audition, girl. I want to get inside and talk to Montgomery, okay? No, but you

can't, because he told me specifically that no one's to go in there.

Well, excuse me.

I hope your stomach gets bleached.

Ah, forget about it.

Okay, what's your name?

My name?

What are you talking about? You know my name.

Doris, there are ways of doing things at an audition.

And this is my first chance, and I want to do it right.

Yes, today a friend.

Today, she's David Merrick.

You heard me and Bruno on the guys, right?

I thought that if you just listened to the table, it would save a lot of time.

Well, um... Technically, you're supposed to audition in front of everybody.

Well, where does it say that?

It's the way it's always been.

Well, tell me, welcome to the 20th century. Welcome to the world of

Did that hurt any of you?

Mix!

Evita Peron.

Somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining.

Bright. Shining bright.

The band is playing somewhere.

And somewhere hearts are light, but... You act like you never see

nobody read or something.

Sure. You want a hint?

What kind of hint?

Well, the words rhyme.

I mean, if you're having trouble remembering a line.

And somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout.

But there is no joy in Mudville. Mighty Casey has struck out.

Thieves shouting out, they rhyme.

Why, that's shocking, Montgomery.

You know, I never would have seen this myself.

A poem, it rhymes in it.

Wait till I tell everybody this.

I'm just trying to help, trying to keep you in a good mood.

Why are you so worried about keeping me in a good mood?

Because you're in the show.

Don't tell anybody I told you, okay?

But there is no joy in Mudville. Mighty Casey has struck out.

That turkey.

Why do you want to know what I'm afraid of?

It just came up in class today.

You know, what people are afraid of.

How everyone's afraid of something.

Me, it's heights.

Hate heights.

I get palpitations after they take a fare over the Verrazano Bridge.

It's very funny that I'm afraid, right?

Nah, it's just that a kid thinks his father can do anything.

Like the dragon slayer.

That's another thing I was afraid of.

Dragons? And the day you figured out that I was just me.

No big deal, nothing special.

Father wants to be a hero to his kid.

Stick with being a father. You'll do fine.

Hey, Bruno, Bruno, don't put those on.

I want to hear two.

Share for Pete's sakes.

What do you do when you think the whole world is laughing at you? Do

you cry or take a walk and wonder why?

Did you ever ask, as the twilight brush our faces past?

Am I small or can I fly above and conquer them all?

It is now full of music in my mind.

Every melody I pull from the air makes me stronger every time.

Just being alone in the crowd for the song.

Being alone in the crowd.

Nothing wrong.

Bid it down for the music in my mind. Every

melody I pull from the air makes me stronger every time.

Cause she ain't alone in the crowd with a song.

Singing alone in the crowd.

Nothing's wrong.

Mr. Martelli.

Why couldn't something similar have happened in class the other day?

Good question.

Problem is, I don't have a good answer.

It'll come, Mr. Martelli. It'll come.

Great. When?

Good answers aren't like trains.

They don't arrive on schedule.

Come to think of it, they are like trains.

Nobody's getting me into a parent type.

Nobody. Sounds like you've been talking to Leroy again.

No, I haven't, but I'm going to have to. Ah, Montgomery, the audition results.

Yeah, I'm going to get these notices up and maintain a very low profile.

I hate delivering bad news.

Montgomery?

Yeah? I'm afraid you've got more bad news to deliver than you know.

I made it! Happy graduation!

I didn't, and that's dumb.

What's dumb?

That my act didn't make it and that her dumb act made it.

That's dumb.

You want to know what's dumb? I'll tell you what's dumb.

Hey, you know what's dumb? Fighting about it. That's what's dumb.

Hey, maybe we can get an act together.

Play a bit of cello, have a few gags. Come on, I do. No, we don't need that.

I don't get it, man.

How come an English teacher gets to say who dances and who doesn't? It's just a

rule they have, Leroy. If your academic grades aren't up to standard... Oh, man,

I got that Casey dude down pat. What you talking about?

Leroy, I don't make up the rules, okay?

I hate this job. I just want you to know... Man, that don't do nothing for

That don't do nothing for me. You could use a helper. You know, like an

assistant. You get to go to the benefit, everything.

You don't get to dance, but you can still get to go. It's like my helper.

A helper?

Man, you must be crazy. A helper?

I look like a helper to you? Yo, man, you cheat that trash.

a move for socializing. Next time, just give me some room.

What's the matter?

I got eighth out on all the auditions. That's what's the matter.

Hey, darn it. I mean, why do you care?

You and your band made the list. You ain't got nothing to feel bad about.

Hey, wait. What do you mean my band made the list?

How can my band make the list? I didn't even... I'll kill her.

could for him but i'm afraid it wasn't enough we lost him in the recovery room

was there any pain none we saw that he was comfortable until the end

did he say anything he asked for a sip of water and i gave him some

and then he just went away mother of mercy torres

what are you doing

Well, my back story is that the man who just died and I had an affair 20 years

ago when I was in medical school.

And I got pregnant.

We had to give up the baby because he was running for the Senate.

And he convinced his wife to adopt the baby.

And that's the baby, grown up.

You're my mother?

Yeah, only you don't know it.

The family resemblance would have given it away for sure.

Well, what do you think?

You know what your band needs for the show?

Someone who knows how to play the maracas.

He said that you were sort of irritated about the audition.

Sort of irritated?

Is that what he said?

Well, he used a more colorful phrase.

I told you how I felt, and you just ignored me.

Uno, you can't turn your back on this man.

William Morris is going to have agents there. This is big -time stuff. I don't

care about William Morris. I don't care about the benefits. I don't... Don't let

me stop you.

Continue whatever you were doing.

Forget it. I'll find someplace else to work.

I love you, honey, more than words can say. Oh, I love you, my honey, more and

more every day.

My love is hot like steam and fire, but pure as driven snow.

That's how I love you, honey, and I need for you to know.

Then it goes into the chorus. That's all that do -I -do -I stuff.

Of course.

I got more.

More what?

More song lyrics memorized.

I figure you gave me extra credit for extra memorizing. Let me be in the

of something.

Leroy, that assignment wasn't about memorizing.

Then how come you asked us to memorize it? I mean, that don't make much sense

me. Well, the theory is that getting the book out of your hands will help you

understand the words, the thoughts, and the rhyme schemes more readily.

I guess all that means is no extra credit for memorizing words to a song.

No. I'm sorry, but no.

Okay, how about if I write a poem, then?

Leroy, when I said no to your being in the benefit, I was going by the rules.

In a way, I gave my word. I can't go back on that word now, even if I want

Do you want to?

It's tempting.

So will you?

Not on a bet.

Well, it don't make much difference to me anyway.

It doesn't? No, because I got people that don't want to see me there.

They know it's not going to be the same unless I'm there, like Montgomery, for

instance. He's getting me in.

Doing what, if you don't mind my asking?

Well, I'm sort of like his chief helper, so to speak.

I mean, I got picked specially.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I'm proud about it.

Real proud.

What you doing in here?

I'm only out of the show. I'm not out of the school.

Neither am I.

She ain't got no right to put me out anywhere. This is a school for the art,

for some dumb poem.

Right.

Anyway, I don't need no dumb benefit.

I do my thing anywhere.

I can't.

When you dance, all you need is music. To tell jokes, you have got to have an

audience. It's just not the same as you.

You're right.

It's a lot tougher for me.

Tougher for you?

How do you figure that?

Anybody can tell a joke.

Okay, tell one.

Me? Hey, it's easy. You just said so.

So go ahead.

I'm here.

Anytime you're ready.

There once was this white boy who could dance really good.

Now that's really a joke.

You're right, it's real good.

Thank you.

Must be something like loving to pilot a plane and being afraid to fly.

Whatever that means.

You, loving music and being too terrified of people to perform.

I'd wager the rest of your band would love the chance to play for the William

Morrises and other such people.

Mr. Rosti, I'm not like the rest of the band.

You're telling me.

Besides, concert halls are... Thing of the past.

Home entertainment, that's where it's at. If people want to hear me, they can

out and buy my tape.

And what do you buy to hear the people?

The experience of music is a dialogue, Mr. Mattelli.

Dialogue. Two voices.

The musicians and the people who are listening. It's a conversation between

and your audience.

That hushed sound you hear before the music begins, that's an audience saying,

yes, I want to hear.

And the applause at the conclusion.

That's the audience saying, thank you for sharing with me. You don't want

You don't need that?

The audience doesn't always react with approval.

Not always.

I think I'll pass on that.

Like a church.

This?

Places where the people are all facing in the same direction. They're magic.

People just sort of become one. They unify.

Cathedrals have it.

Theaters.

Temples.

Toilets. Looking good, Montgomery.

Thanks. Anybody else waiting outside?

Yes. Talco and her group were in the elevator right after us.

Still mad?

What do you think?

Leroy, it isn't the end of the world. You're not kicked out of school.

You're out of one show.

For all you know, it might be a terrible show.

Oh, it's gonna be a terrible show, all right.

Because I ain't in it.

No way.

Forget it.

Why?

Because I don't need you to introduce me. Montgomery is the emcee. Montgomery?

He's good for the other acts. You need someone special.

Meaning you.

I know it's immodest, but... It's impossible.

And besides, it's not going to happen.

Out, please.

Excuse.

you would come. Don't start with baby, and don't get the wrong idea.

I told the guys they could use my stuff, so as soon as my dad and the freight

elevator bring up the yams, we're going to the Knicks game.

Good evening. Can I help you? Yes.

We're from the William Morris Agency.

I imagine we're on the list. You bet. This young lady will be happy to show

to your table.

Go, go.

You're really an agent? A real one?

Yes.

Hi.

Hi. Is that the dress you're going to wear?

Something wrong with it?

It's just that it's a real hot night, and you're liable to sweat like anything

in it.

That is the most incredibly gross thing anyone has ever said to me. You are just

the El Scuzzo of all time.

It's just a brownout.

Danny, if it makes you feel better, okay.

But I think you should know that what you're squeezing is my purse.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, all right.

We are privileged to visit a more genteel time.

until degenerators take over again and bring us back to the 20th century with

all its benefits and its detriments.

Now, there's no music at all with Bruno or without him.

And with the agents here, you believe it.

Yeah, I'm sort of new in New York.

Do these things last a long time?

The last one lasted 18 hours. Well, at least it's romantic.

Spoken like an actress.

I study acting, but actually I'm a cellist. So?

Spoken like a cellist.

There you go.

Two for the price of one.

That's really good.

Do you have to sound so surprised?

Well, Danny, you don't exactly have the reputation of being Einstein, you know.

And I don't have the reputation of being stupid either.

I said I don't have the reputation of being stupid either.

Did I ever tell you to joke? Don't tell me any jokes, okay?

Are they that bad?

I'm scared.

When I'm scared, I don't laugh at jokes.

And if I don't laugh, you'll get mad at me.

I just don't think I can handle that right now, okay?

Okay.

So, what did we talk about?

Well, we could talk about why you don't like me and why you say cruel things to

me. I don't say cruel things. I make jokes, that's all. Yeah, and sometimes

they're cruel.

Really? Yeah.

Really. Maybe it's because I wanted to be in the show more than I realized.

How do you do?

What?

Danny Amatullo.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Amatullo.

Likewise, Ms. Schwartz.

You look very attractive in that dress.

How long do you think this could last?

A couple of hours is usually about all.

William Morris agents don't wait a couple of hours.

For anybody, least of all a bunch of kids.

Why, are they afraid of the dark?

This is such a joke to you, isn't it?

Well, no show for you, no basketball game for me. I think we came out about

even.

No, we didn't.

No, we didn't.

And when I tell stories and stuff...

Real stories about things that really happen.

I'm afraid they won't be as interesting.

So I add stuff and I make up stuff.

So everyone will think it's funny.

But then the stories aren't as true anymore either.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't worry about how much they laugh.

Maybe I don't need ten phony laughs for each story.

Maybe one real laugh is enough.

What do you think?

I think you should tell him about you.

About stuff that happens, and it's funny, and it's real.

You think so?

I think so.

Like, uh, maybe there were these two kids stuck in an elevator?

Why don't you save that story for when you introduce me?

We created a generation that cannot make music without woofers and tweeters and

amps and preamps.

These children need batteries to whistle.

What are you doing?

They want to go. They have another show to catch downtown.

If they're going to make it, they have to leave now. Why do they have to leave

now?

Coco, they have 36 flights to walk down.

It's our fault, not theirs.

We allowed them to grow up weak without standards.

And when a generator 100 miles away goes kaput, they go kaput too.

Very sad.

They're on their way out the door, man.

Look, Coco, I don't care about people like that.

Agents and managers.

Besides, with the power out, it won't sound as good as it should.

Bruno, any music we make is going to sound better than silence.

And if you can't care about people like agents, can you care about people that

you go to school with?

Nobody else can tell me how to see.

I'm not going to play no game.

With me, you get just what you see.

of your music.

Did you die?

Did the world come to an end?

Are you still young and well and whole?

Yes, sir.

You don't get applause unless you grow.

And you don't grow unless you are courageous enough to be bad.

Though I don't think your music will get booed very often.

No business is my life.

I

can't

let this go to waste.

What are you talking about?

The time we had.

I mean, we were really honest with each other.

People in show business never get those kind of times.

I mean, they're usually too shallow or too tied up with their own egos.

You and me got past that.

And we just can't forget it.

I mean, there are more important things than egos and putting on shows.

We just always have to remember that.

We'll always remember.